Solemn Vowels
Thomas Keske
The letters were spilled and the words were misspelled
blowing in the hurricane crosswinds
and making crazy crosswords
I take a solemn vow to defend my country's vowels
To fight to the end, and never throw in the towel
To fend off enemies with an angry scowl
Living in constant fear of being disemboweled
I shall have constant vigilance against the consonants
that threaten to invade our discontented continent
I shall hire consultants and listen to my constituents
I will amend the Constitution
to prevent the consonants from making commitments
I believe in God, the DOD, the CIA and the CEOs
Who protect the farm from all harm, E-I-E-I-O
AEIOU
IOU?
What do I owe you?
I owe nothing, I think so
Because I know nothing
Yes, but what did you really expect?
No one ever tries to kill you
Because you have shown them too much respect
Says who? The wise owl-
There is a hole in your arguments
Because you are missing a vowel
I am the master of my vocabulary
and the Captain of my Fte
I am in complete ctrl of the situation
I will impose my wll in a Nw Wrld Ordr
Do I forget? Did I misspell?
Did a red-headed witch cast her spell?
Wild, uninhibited man of unfettered letters
Strangely inhabited
What was he trying to say
when he madly howled
in an inscrutable language
that was lacking in vowels?
....
Th Mslms, Chrstns, nd Jws hv ctd s th 3 Stgs f Thlgy. Thy hv
brght mr pn nd njstc t th wrld, thn thy hv md mprvmnts. Thy hv bn
prpttrs f gnrnc. Th Scrptrs hv bn srcs snslss htrd. Th Bbl s
dscrdtd s src f mrl thrty. Lw nd scl plcy mst hrftr b gdd by
scnc nd rtnlty s ts bss.
f Gd s rl, thn Gd s lmtd, r Gd s flwd. W must mk ur wn hll, nd
ur wn Hvn, bcus thr s n n t brng justc by prvdng t fr us.
N n s mr std t pss jdgmnt thn ths wh hv bn th mst mstrtd.
m mgcl mn frm th ffth dmnsn f d nt gt jstc, wll nlsh nclr
dstrctn pn th ntr plnt, by th pwr f shr blck mgc. Thr wll b nt
mn, wmn r chld lft. Th hmn rc ds nt dsrv t xst f t cnnt lrn t
trt ts htd mnrts, spclly gy ppl, wth smpl jstc. Th mjr rlgns f
hmnknd hv bn shmlss frcs f bgtry nd sprsttn, tht mst b xpsd t th
lght f rsn.
Th Rpblcn prty hs bn shmlss nstgtr f bgtry nd scpgtng, lttl bttr
thn ht grp. Th s f vlnc gnst thm wld b mr thn jstfd, f thy d
nt chng thr wys.
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http://gridley.acns.carleton.edu/~maiwurmj/GETTINGT.html
Clerk: <bad russian accent> Hello. I am the customs manager for
this god-
forsaken airport. I am told you do not have proper visas. Why?
Carl: We weren't supposed to come to this country. Our plane
made an emergency landing here. We're trying to get to Moscow.
Clerk: <scoff> A likely story! I think you are capitalist spies
sent to steal the secrets of my great and powerful nation!
Carl: Speaking of which, where are we anyway?
Carla: Yeah! And where's my hair dryer?
Clerk: You are in Kerblakistan, once a part of the Soviet Union
and now an independent nation which will soon rival the Austro-
Hungarian Empire in wealth and power!
Carl: Umm, I hate to break it to you, but the Austro-Hungarian
empire doesn=t---
Clerk: SILENCE! You will not dirty my mind with your Western
propaganda. Besides, we've been ignoring the news for the last
eighty years- it was too depressing.
Carla: Sorry to interrupt, but where exactly IS Kerblakistan?
Clerk: Why, here of course! No, we border Elbonia on the west,
Carjackistan to the north, and the forbidden plateau Leng to the
southeast.
Carla: <skeptic> The forbidden plateau Leng?
Clerk: <proudly> Home of all that is dark and evil in the world! <
whisper> If you don't already know about it, you don't want to
learn any more. Trust me.
Carl: So what are you going to do with us?
Clerk: Since you have no papers and your plane is too badly
damaged to fly again anytime soon, you will be sent to the
capital. Someone there will decide what to do with you.
Carla: The capital? What's it called?
Clerk: I would tell you, but the name cannot be pronounced. It
has no vowels.
Carl: No vowels?
Clerk: They were sold to buy medicine for starving children. <
pause> And guns for the army.
Carla: You sold VOWELS to buy medicine? I don't understand...
Clerk: We do not believe in your corrupt capitalist economic
system.
Carla: But who would BUY vowels?
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http://www.theoniondome.com/2004/01/23/jb/
Vowel Wars Heat Up
January 23, 2004
Mvpxilrzvngrd, Mvpxilrzv ? The defense minister of Mvpxilrzv
issued a strongly worded statement today after Mvpxilrzvn police
arrested Archbishop Vlnitrpqn (The Valiant) of Svpxilrzv
yesterday.
Saying that Archbishop Vlnitrpqn was in the country trying to
steal its vowel, Defense Minister Mkil (The Archangel) Bviltnkpz
said, ?We will not have our national treasure stolen by these
barbarians.?
Conflict between the two countries over the vowel dates back
millennia. Mvpxilrzv and Svpxilrzv were particularly hard hit
by the Polynesian vowel raids that left much of Eastern Europe
and Russia vowel-impoverished and the South Pacific flush with
the sounds. By the time the raiders had left their area,
Mvpxilrzv and Svpxilrzv had one vowel between them. For
centuries, the Kingdom of Svpxilrzv held the vowel, and thus the
key to the two countries? common culture, in an underground
chapel deep in the Dvpxilrzv Mountains.
King Blvkxliin (The Fool) of Svpxilrzv, 1248-1310, lost the
vowel to King Qlptmg (The Wise) of Mvpxilrzv (1238-1298) in a
game of chance in 1278, and the vowel passed into the hands of
the Mvpxilrzvns for 137 years. It has changed hands 18 times
over the centuries since, most recently in 1994, when the U.S.
State Department decided to adjust the vowel balance in the
region.
Mvpxilrzv holds the vowel in a vault in its central bank.
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18. Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Smallpox Bioterrorism
... with the round vowels and rolling R's ... steal some. That
list is classified, but several public health doctors and
virologists who have been briefed say that, along with Russia, ...
http://www.mercola.com/2001/nov/14/smallpox.htm
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25. Harper's Magazine: RUSSIA IN THE RED.(failure of capitalism
in
...not Lenin's Bright Future, but Caaapitaaalism." Venyamin
Sergeyevich Sokolov, Russia's chief auditor, spits out the
vowels like bitter seeds.
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/m1111/1789_298/54731389/p...
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4. The Jewish-Palestinian Encounter
Welcome to the first message board of the The Jewish-Palestinian
Encounter Site. Please remember to adhere to the ground rules.
Avi khamud your 8346, re Trivia Contest. Re family names, a
precision. ... We have a sever shortage of vowels. You have
been ... the worlds supply of vowels more equally, we might have ...
that we use more vowels because we laugh more while ...
http://www.salam-shalom.net/salam-shalom/arcsep20.htm
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http://www.kirkofkildaire.org/ed/FClessons/Exilelesson.htm
Use the Hebrew chart to transcribe the sign. Remind the
children that Hebrew is read right to left and contains no
vowels.
Chairs turned over
There was some kind of struggle.
Letter from Son
Seems to contain a poem.
Son is in a foreign land.
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1. Feature | Salman Rushdie Excerpt
... Is the Vodka a river in Russia? ... a cry went up, just her
name, Veeenaaa, the vowels elongated by ... The real hero of the
poem is the keeper of bees, the "Arcadian ...
http://www.januarymagazine.com/features/rushdie.html
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http://supahfly.com/shit/70.txt
NEWS READER: In the noncelebrity news, the Stock Market has
crashed; war has broken out in the Middle East; a volcano has
erupted in Seattle; militants in the rebellious Russian province
of Brzkszckrzkzistan, angry over the chronic shortage of vowels,
have launched nuclear missiles at the United States;
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7. Region
... 66 days ago: The Queendom of The Bug Mafia arrived from The
Pacific. 69 days ago: The Republic of Mr Myxyzptlk ceased to
exist. ...
4. This completes the lists of written material containing tv/ts ...
... He This was reprinted in Superman Giant #1. SUPERMAN #349
(July 1980) "The Turnabout Trap!" Mr. Myxyzptlk reverses the sex
of everyone on Earth except Superman ...
http://www.tgguide.com/Library/Further_Reading/comics.txt
http://www.phx-ult-lodge.org/ATUVWXYZ.htm
(Jehovah) or Jah-Eve, the hermaphrodite force and existence in
nature. Without the later vowels, the word Jehovah is written
IHVH (the letter Yod standing for all the three English letters
y, i, or j, as the case may require), and is male-female
http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/-1/page=displa
2. Villain - Mr. Mxyzptlk
Mr. Mxyzptlk. ... Ever unpredictable, Mxyzptlk continues to plot
and scheme, waiting for his next opportunity to cause mayhem and
mischief. |, |, POWERS & WEAPONS. ...
http://www.unstable.com/whoswho/mxyzptlk.htm
. IDM: archive ...
... Re: (idm) pop goes the whirled., Mxyzptlk. (idm) house vs
idm... & i thought the difference was obvious. silly me., david
turgeon; (idm) From Russia with love ...
http://idm.skylab.org/199909/thrd3.html
http://www.ruminatethis.com/archives/000922.html
Whether or not the UN authorizes the use of force doesn't matter.
It matters whether or not the authorization of force was
justified. If we find out that Saddam is stockpiling "WMD" then
the obvious course of action is to destroy the stockpile, not to
invade the country. Circumstances under which I would support a
judicial use of force: Hussein re-engages in the active mass
slaughter of civillians; Saddam re-invades a neighboring country;
Iraqis re-engage in an open rebellion against Saddam's regime;
credible evidence is supplied to the UN that Saddam is providing
nuclear arms technology to non-state actors; Saddam Hussein says
"Mxyzptlk" backwards.
Posted by: buer...@isp.nwu.edu on February 20, 2003 12:09 AM
Saddam Hussein says "Mxyzptlk" backwards.
My God. The worst crime of all!
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http://www.nomadom.net/words/vhve.htm#SUSAN%20AND%20THE%20CARDS
She approached me and asked me in Spanish whether I wanted my
cards read. I declined, looking up from my book, One Hundered
Years of Solitude, I think. I could tell she was English from
her accent, and so a conversation began. She was from near
Liverpool, although she didn't sound very scouse, just the more
open vowels and the odd expression.
She's also popular though. I watch her come round the tables,
flitting from one to the other, her head slightly tilted and her
forehead raised as she asks the same old question over and over
again. Now and again she gets a catch. More often than not, she
moves on to the next group for whom two hundred bees is
absolutely nothing but the smallest drop in the largest ocean.
She is funny and sharp as a knife despite all the abuse her
senses have endured. That's why she's popular I think.
She also has a certain sexiness, an allure. Her eyes, the way
she tosses her hair back, the delicacy of her filthy hands, her
manner in general. She really does glow with some kind of
sensuality. A pretty young thing from Sixties Liverpool. She
also has a certain sexiness, an allure.
She goes from table to chair to table, to read people's futures
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http://lib.ru/FOMENKOAT/engltr.txt_Piece40.04
The fact that modern England is located on the island, does
not surprise us. But Russia!? There are no geographical reasons
to think that Russia is the island! But nevertheless, for example
the well-known chronicler Benoit de Sainte-Maure in his
"Chronicle of the dukes of Normandy" [22] speaks, that
There exists an ISLAND called Cansie (or Canzie), and I
think that this is Rosie (in another copy of the manuscript -
Russie - Auth.), which is surrounded by the great salty sea. And
they (the people of Russie - Auth.) fly out as great swarm of
bees, and their number is thousands; and they... can attack the
great kingdoms and take the great procurement and they can
win and conquer.
English word island means today the piece of land surrounded
by a sea. But may be in the medieval epoch this word had also
another meaning? Our conjecture: it was Asia-Land, i.e., the Land
located in Asia. Without vowels we have:
asialand = SLND, and island = SLND.
This is the same word!
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http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/2001/11/o_rourke.htm
My tour guide arrived the next morning. His name was a long
collection of aspirates, glottal stops, and gutturals with, like
printed Hebrew, no evident vowels. "Americans can never
pronounce it," he said. "Just call me T'zchv."
I called him Z. I was Z's only customer. He drove a minibus of
the kind that in the United States always seems to be filled
with a church group. And so was Z's, until recently. "Most of my
clients," he said, "are the fundamentalists. They want to go
everywhere in the Bible. But now ..." The people who talk
incessantly about Last Days have, owing to violence in the
region, quit visiting the place where the world will end.
Z was seventy-five, a retired colonel in the Israeli Defense
Forces, a veteran of every war from liberation to the invasion
of Lebanon. "Our worst enemy is CNN," he said. His parents came
from Russia in 1908 and settled on the first kibbutz in
Palestine. Z was full of anger about the fighting in Israel?the
fighting with the ultra-Orthodox Jews. "They don't serve in the
army. They don't pay taxes. The government gives them money. I
call them Pharisees."
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http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/1619/poems/ariel.html
Fever 103deg.
The Bee Meeting
The Arrival of the Bee Box
Stings
The Swarm
Your mouth opens clean as a cat's. The window square
Whitens and swallows its dull stars. And now you try
Your handful of notes;
The clear vowels rise like balloons.
The Swarm
Somebody is shooting at something in our town
A dull pom, pom in the Sunday street.
Jealousy can open the blood,
It can make black roses.
Who are the shooting at
Shh! These are chess people you play with,
Still figures of ivory.
The mud squirms with throats,
Stepping stones for French bootsoles.
The gilt and pink domes of Russia melt and float off
In the furnace of greed. Clouds, clouds.
So the swarm balls and deserts
Seventy feet up, in a black pine tree.
It must be shot down. Pom! Pom!
So dumb it thinks bullets are thunder.
It thinks they are the voice of God
Condoning the beak, the claw, the grin of the dog
Yellow-haunched, a pack-dog,
Grinning over its bone of ivory
Like the pack, the pack, like everybody.
The bees have got so far. Seventy feet high!
Russia, Poland and Germany!
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16. Americans think they aren't really hated !
... persuasion" ie some Arabs, were banned from Left bank
Ukraine and Russia, but they ... heard, when the trees are in
full flower, and bees are busy ... 3 long vowels. ...
http://www.ukraine.com/forums/showthread.php3?threadid=5970&...
18. wo destroyed cities Stabiae (Sodom?) and Herculaneum (Gomorrah?) are
...supply the Hebrew KNN with vowels Canaan and ... fly out as
great swarm of bees, and their ... as follows: "Rosie is Russia.
The report that...
http://www.odessa.net/moshkow/lat/FOMENKOAT/engltr.txt_Piece...
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30. The Qur'an
...was the sound near his face like the buzzing of bees (from '
Umar ibnu'l ... general, as well as the emperor Peter the Great
of Russia, and...
http://debate.org.uk/topics/history/quran.htm
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http://www.mirabilis.ca/archives/cat_books_lit.html
The manuscript is written in "Voynichese", which consists of
strange characters, some of which look like normal Latin letters
and Roman numerals. Some analysts have suggested that Voynichese
is a modified form of Chinese. Others think it may be Ukrainian
with the vowels taken out. But Voynichese words do not resemble
those of any known language. Nor is the text a simple
transliteration into fanciful symbols: the internal structure of
Voynichese words, and how they fit together in sentences, is
unlike patterns seen in other languages.
Another possibility is that the text is written in code. But the
best efforts of cryptographers over the past 30 years have
failed to crack it. This resilience is unusual, given that other
ciphers from the period have yielded their secrets.
------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.booksite.com/titlelink/14.htm
The War Between the Vowels and the Consonants By Turner, Priscilla
The Way Home, American ed. By Sauerwein, Leigh
Wagons West! American ed. By Gerrard, Roy
Weeping Willow By White, Ruth
We'll Ride Elephants Through Brooklyn By Roth, Susan L.
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