The truth revealed. Let the crucifixion begin
driftwood®
ASKOTY. I deserve it. This is really hard to say, and I feel all
choked up inside that my gig is up. I had such a good run for over
five years now. I knew eventually I would be caught and crucified, but
I pushed on regardless. I am a kook.
Not only was I pretending to be the oregonlocal, at least up until the
profile ventured off to Mexico, but I also lost control of the troll.
It developed a mind of its own and began to talk back. I feel ashamed.
But what could be worse than that? Well, man, I think I might just
cry. Here goes though. I actually didn't paddle out into monster surf,
but instead I found the safest place on the entire coast and did my
best to face my fears. The surf was big, at least 4-foot on the face.
I had never experienced that before. Since I am such a fat bastard, it
took me 45 minutes to battle my way through the soup. It was gnarly,
and I thought I would eventually keel over and die. Even walking out
to where I was standing in chest deep water took entirely too much
effort. Thank God I can float like a buoy, eh? You betcha!
Once I did finally make it outside, I was scared. I had never ridden
anything like this before. This was serious surfing. "What would
superfly do?" kept ringing in my mind. After all, the man is a legend
and my personal hero. I figured he would just swallow his fear and
rip, so I mustered up the courage and used my fat assed arms to paddle
myself into a wave. I barely got into it, and screamed in terror at
the drop. But I did it! I finally caught a real wave. Woohoo!
Then I had to repeat the process all over again. The fear subsided
though. Well, it did until I paddled like a sloth into a big ass
5-footer and couldn't hold on. I fell and got dumped onto the sand. I
panicked. Like I said before though, thank God my body is like a buoy.
Then I found myself unable to stand my ass fat us, so the waves just
kept knocking me around. Fear gripped me again. I was going to drown,
but at least I'd go out like a trooper, and alt.surfing would revel in
my exploits. I'd finally be appreciated. My goal would be
accomplished.
Somehow though, I was able to make it back to shore. My sponge was
nowhere to be found. I felt like crying. I loved that board dammit! At
least I was still alive so I could come back to my inland home and
figure out how to boost my ego without letting everybody on that I was
nothing more than a kook. I thought I could pull it off. I did in
fact, up until I was called out. I panicked again as I almost choked
on my quarter-pounder with cheese. The search for the Rat had been
commenced to investigate my existence.
After five long years of being a contributor to alt.surfing, I can say
I had a fair run. After learning about surfing from you guys, I was
able to fabricate tales of surfing the North Coast of California. I
almost believed them myself. Now the truth is out. I guess I will give
up on surfing and go back to smoking weed and cigarettes by the
carton, as well as drinking 40s of Ol' English every night and just go
back to the realization that I am a nobody. At least the people at
McDonalds where I work can appreciate my stories.
So thank you superfly, for pushing enough to get me to come clean. My
conscious feels better now. Maybe one day before I die of a fat ass
induced heart attack, I will gather up some more courage and maybe try
to bodyboard some easy waves. Nah. Only in my dreams.
Oh yeah, hang on while I get this piece of burger out from between my
five teeth. Okay, Supreme Court and Blakestah, I guess you can call
off the search for the Rat. But if you're in Chico, I can get you
discounts on chicken nuggets.
I just farted.
Yours truly,
Billy Bob Jo'mamma
superfly®
This mornings threads consist of "AS staff msgs", "driftcoast",
discussion of newsgroup technology, and even a coffee thread.
Blakestah even has his stoke back, it's Fall, and then you offer this?
JUST BE YOURSELF!
priceless...
<ski...@blakestah.com> wrote
> I think you should try again. This time just play a skate rat
> from inland northern California that smokes a lot of dope and
> makes up surf stories. It was going good for a while.
superfly®
this spring or late winter.
"The Supreme Court" <distan...@aol.com> wrote
> The search for the R@t is bigger than the search for the R@t.
>
> And it is on......
>
> "don't pull a driftcoast"
>
> 1/1/03
driftwood®
a certain amount of time in the local area alone? Or are you going to
be doing a roadtrip up the coast? What's up?
distan...@aol.com (The Supreme Court) wrote in message news:<20021120181911...@mb-mf.aol.com>...
> The search for the R@t is bigger than the search for the R@t.
>
> And it is on......
>
> 1/1/03
pusifrus
"superfly®" <superfly@the_ghetto.com> wrote in message
news:10378389...@utility.isomedia.com...
driftwood®
longboards and point you in the direction of some manageable waves?
Why come to California in the Spring? Guess that makes for better
excuses why NOT to surf. I get you. Carry on.
"superfly " <superfly@the_ghetto.com> wrote in message news:<10378389...@utility.isomedia.com>...
superfly®
> Where have I heard that one before? Want us to break out some
> longboards and point you in the direction of some manageable waves?
> Why come to California in the Spring?
Because I have some business to take care of there.
I surf up here where I live when it's good. You should
try doing the same where you live. If I get surf when
I'm there it will be a bonus. I've done my time in california.
> Guess that makes for better
> excuses why NOT to surf. I get you. Carry on.
Why do I have this feeling you will be making yourself scarce
this coming year?
driftwood®
when the Search for the R@t crew come to town. I mean, this air of
mystery and kookdom has been quite popular in alt.surfing. Why ruin a
good thing, right? We'll see what happens when the time comes.
"superfly " <superfly@the_ghetto.com> wrote in message news:<10379236...@utility.isomedia.com>...
Bud
My $ says that dorkwood weasels out somehow. "air of mystery"
<gag> "We'll see what happens when the time comes" - there ya go!
LMAO
Bud