Today - UK Morning TV's Live Vasectomy
peegee
don't know if anyone saw todays live morning UK TV exploit beamed from
Marie Stopes in London. Cheap and degrading this was.
They at least had a bit more dignified covered version to that which is
posted on the website in earlier posts.
The guy was brave - however the doc was a bit gungho with the old local
anasthetic - or "Juice" as doc like to refer to it!
The guy just about jumped of the table when the doc "stabbed" the old
needle in roughly around the "located" vas def.
Having seen "professionals" give local anasthetic before I was
certainly surprised at the "dart board" roughness he used. I think the
candidate guinea pig on the table was also surprised.
Needless to say the doc didnt give the guinea pig on the table enough
"juice" - by a long shot. This caused the guinea pig to squeal several
times on the left and right during opening cauterisations.
The actual "welding" seemed less extensive than the earlier website
video - could be the lack of ultra closeup made it more viewable - but
no less uncomfortable overall.
Thus NOT the best advert to attract men to have their "crown jewels"
hung, drawn and cautered ;)
All through this session "not one mention of post vasectomy pain" and
the long term problems we often see on this newsgroup. That part was
disappointing as they only mentioned a little bit of "back pressure" if
Vas was closed type unlike the Stopes method shown - then nothing more
about ongoing pain and problems some can experience.
What do I think - Morning TV should stick to recipe's, agony aunts and
B rate celebs - this left me even less keen on "tying the knot" in it.
Maybe they could teach the doc better needle work :)
Regs
Peegee
Biker
known how to do things with a minimum of pain... What were they
thinking?
David
> Marie Stopes in London. Cheap and degrading this was.
Have to say I taped it, and didn't think it was.
> All through this session "not one mention of post vasectomy pain" and
> the long term problems we often see on this newsgroup. That part was
> disappointing as they only mentioned a little bit of "back pressure" if
> Vas was closed type unlike the Stopes method shown - then nothing more
> about ongoing pain and problems some can experience.
I was watching it with a keen eye to see EXACTLY what was said, and I have
to say that it was responsible journalism. If you feel it was in good taste
or not is a personal thing, but you can't hide the fact that the article was
accurate, and responsibly done.
Specific points made:-
1, Tim Black the doctor who did the procedure has a vasectomy himself, and
has perfomed some 16,000 of them.
2, Tim Black mentioned that the Marie Stopes version of the procedure wasn't
quite as reliable as the standard 1 in 2000 figure. This is borne out by the
published MSI studies into the procedure, and the guy made no attempt to
hide the fact. Nobody asked him if the procedure being done was more, or
less reliable - he volunteered it.
3, PVP most certainly WAS mentioned. Fact - watch the tape. Dr. Chris Steele
in the short q&a session with Fern Britten before the program ended stated
approx 10% of men have chronic testicular pain syndrome. In addition, they
also mentioned infection, bleeding and hematoma as well as back pressure (as
you rightly point out). All of this was offered without prompting by the
doctors involved with the program.
My main comment is that as it's daytime TV, the demographic most likely to
have a vasectomy would be out at work and would have missed it! OK, the guy
did jump a bit, but it WAS live tv, and all were under pressure. Adrenaline
was running high as a result of it being done live. Didn't you notice just
how nervous Phil Schofiled was and he's only the presenter!!
It's a shame that ITV website is cruddy - the BBC website would probably
have a few clips on the site by now!
David
> yikes! I'd have thought that they'd get a doc who at least would have
> known how to do things with a minimum of pain... What were they
> thinking?
Well, the doc who did it has performed some 16,000 of them. He did point out
that during the procedure he is normally chatting to the guy, but today he
basically left him alone whilst he chatted with the presenter. Even the
nurse was shoved to the back of the room. All were pretty nervous - it was
live TV being beamed to the UK, and can be seen throughout Europe on
satellite if you have the viewing card.
I did think one thing was interesting - he mentioned that if they have a
very nervous patient they usually try to get him in an argument as a way of
distracting. Apparently it works brilliantly!
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org
trif...@netscape.net
David wrote:
>
> I did think one thing was interesting - he mentioned that if they have a
> very nervous patient they usually try to get him in an argument as a way of
> distracting. Apparently it works brilliantly!
Ha! That's interesting. In my case, the doc. took a different tack,
playfully trying to provoke an arugment with the nurse by making fun of
the doctors she usually worked with, regular surgeons at the hospital.
trif...@netscape.net
David wrote:
> > don't know if anyone saw todays live morning UK TV exploit beamed from
> > Marie Stopes in London. Cheap and degrading this was.
>
> Have to say I taped it, and didn't think it was.
Thanks for your report, David. It's good to hear the taped showed the
consult and advice part as well as the cutting--and that the doctor
volunteered information about the relative reliability of the procedure
and the possibility of pvp. Did he also make stupid jokes like they
usually do?
trifold
tcwalk...@gmail.com
being a PVP sufferer so I will disclose that. But, I simply cannot
fathom why a man would choose to get a vasectomy knowing that there is
a 1 in 10 chance he could develop "chronic testicular pain syndrome."
People, this is an elective procedure. It's not like it is being done
to save your life. I mean, one in ten?!?! That is staggering odds of
having your balls hurt for the rest of your life. I don't get it.
In the states, would the FDA approve a drug that left 1 in 10 people in
chronic pain?
Is the argument that for some men the pain is worth being safely
sterile? Is that the reason the one in ten thing is okay? I just
can't see accepting any level of pain in an elective procedure unless
you told me my wife would die if I got her pregnant.
I'm sure I will get flamed like crazy for this post but I simply cannot
fathom how a man would knowingly allow a surgeon to perform this
procedure on him knowing that there is a 10 percent chance he will
spend the rest of his life with his testicles hurting.
TC
Giraud
*chronic* testicular pain? I don't think the data supports that.
BTW, I read your last post, and I am sorry for your situation - must be
extreamly frustrating and hard to deal with. I am not suggesting any
immediate action, but one option down the road for you might be an
epididectomy (one or two sided). Some men would be leary of this
option, but I think one reason is that it disqualifies a later reversal
(but you've been down that road). Also, it would undo the reversal make
make you sterile again - not sure if that would a pro or con for you.
If your pain/burning is localized to the epididymi, I would think that
their removal might have a chance of helping. This, like reversal,
however, is not a sure thing (nothing is).
Your experience does illustrate that thinking a reversal is THE right
way to deal with pain (i.e. the concept of "putting it back the way it
was") is idealistic, and I am worried when I see men post this here; I
think it indicates unrealistic expectations. Even a reversal cannot, of
course, revert you to a state identical to that before the vasectomy.
In any case, I wish you the best of fortune as you seek relief. Time
may actually heal this, but I think there are still options, so don't
lose hope.
-Giraud
Giraud
> 3, PVP most certainly WAS mentioned. Fact - watch the tape. Dr. Chris Steele
> in the short q&a session with Fern Britten before the program ended stated
> approx 10% of men have chronic testicular pain syndrome. In addition, they
> also mentioned infection, bleeding and hematoma as well as back pressure (as
> you rightly point out). All of this was offered without prompting by the
> doctors involved with the program.
Ah, sorry, TC! I had not read David's post before replying. So, David,
they said that 10% get *chronic* pain? That is an astounding or at
least unprecedented statement.
-Giraud
tcwalk...@gmail.com
Thanks for the words. I appreciate any and all encouragement. I count
my blessings because I am able to function on a daily basis for the
most part and I know some men have been hit harder by this condition.
Glad you saw the 10% part of the post. I was just kind of blown away
to see it officially admitted like that on TV. I even looked up the
offical Mary Stopes website and they said that testicular pain was
"Extremely Rare" in their PDF brochure they allow you to download. I
don't see 1 in 10 as extremely rare so that just goes to show you how
all the conflicting info makes this condition so nebulous. I think 1
in 10 is more like Russion Roulette.
One thing I was just thinking is that a lot of us here that post from
time to time have all hindsight. We all know how our vasectomy turned
out. Some turned out well so they have no reason to be scared by the 1
in 10 type quotes and others turned out not so well so they are
galvanized in their thinking by such a startling statistic. Any of you
who have had a good outcome with your vasectomy are going to tend to
think I'm being ridiculous with my thinking but I don't think that 9
men having a good outcome outweighs the damage done to that other man,
if my thinking makes sense.
I remember studying utilitarianism in philosophy class and they would
certainly justify 9 men having a safe happy sterilization even though
one man's life was seriously upset. But when you're that one man it's
a whole other thing. I say it again, I can't believe men are happy
with 1 in 10 vasectomies ending in chronic (not acute mind you) long
term pain. Some will dispute those figures but there it was on live TV
(not that this makes it true).
Those of you who had sucessful, pain-free vasectomies (lucky guys you
are) please think back and imagine you are prior to your vasectomy and
you are told there is a one in ten chance you will develop PVPS. Would
you roll the dice with your balls on the line?
TC
David
> Ah, sorry, TC! I had not read David's post before replying. So, David,
> they said that 10% get *chronic* pain? That is an astounding or at
> least unprecedented statement.
The guy from Marie Stopes did not make the claim.
The format of the show is very lightweight. They have regular experts in,
and in this case they have a GP that discusses medical matters. I have to
say that on this occasion (I don't watch the show, so it might be on EVERY
occasion for all I know) he either didn't seem well briefed, or he was
deliberately dumbing down his answers to the level expected of him by the
producers. I would have liked to have seen a much better researched and
informed interview personally, but that's not the program style.
Anyway, the GP made this statement. He didn't seem that sure about it
himself, and I have to say that some of his answers could have been more
informed than they were - as could this one have been. Specifically, when
discussing sperm reabsorbtion there could have been a concise easy to
understand answer given, as opposed to the waffle he gave.
Earlier in the interview, when asked to comment on a couple of cases viewers
had emailed in, he did give the correct answer to a case of routine
infection 4 years after the vasectomy in that it needs to be looked at, but
it shouldn't be assumed vasectomy was the cause. The context he gave to the
10% figure was similar (I.E. don't assume ctp is caused by vasectomy), but
he was rather cut off mid sentence by the end of the program looming up and
the female presenter had to tell us what exciting recipies they were going
to cook on the next show. I have no idea where the 10% figure came from - he
rather seemed to have plucked it out of the air at the last minute.
Overall, I thought the feature was responsible. Even accounting for the
lightweight format of the program, I do feel that the answers the GP gave
were not well researched. He even forgot the name of the doctor performing
the vasectomy at one point!
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org
David
>Did he also make stupid jokes like they usually do?
No - and that's part of the reason the guy was edgy. Not only were his nuts
visible to the entire UK on live TV, nobody was paying him any attention at
all! The doc was chatting to the presenter all the time, and trying to show
the best camera angles, as opposed to making the guy feel at ease and
concentrating on giving him an easy procedure.
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org
David
> I'm sure I will get flamed like crazy for this post but I simply cannot
> fathom how a man would knowingly allow a surgeon to perform this
> procedure on him knowing that there is a 10 percent chance he will
> spend the rest of his life with his testicles hurting.
Er - no. You ask an intelligent and incisive question - why should anyone
flame you for that?
Don't put too much store in the figure he quoted. Remember, it was a GP that
wasn't particularly well briefed, and/or hadn't done a lot of research that
made an off-the-cuff comment on live TV.
Yes, it's responsible to mention pvp as a possibility and I'm glad to say
that he did, but it was irresponsible to simply pluck a figure out of the
air like that on live TV.
Personally I put rather more faith in the figures in the properly researched
peer-review articles published in the various journals, and indexed by the
National Library of medicine (medline).
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org
Biker
I just had my vasectomy last week, and was fully aware of the risks.
First, ten percent does sound higher than what I'd read. The number
I've seen is closer to 1%.
But then I'd ask how they define "pain". If it's as high as 10% it
seems maybe to be defined to include dull aches and things like that as
well as acute and constant pain that really is unbearable, for example;
the chronic part means that it goes on over a long time.
Why did I go ahead anyway? Because I figured the odds were in my favor.
Up to now, seven days after the event, I still feel dull aches but no
sharp pain. Of course I'm not out of the woods yet, but still think I
made the right choice.
Why? Because for birth control we are currently using barrier method
with spermicide, which causes my wife discomfort, stinging and burning
almost every time we have sex. She went off the pill long ago and I
would never ask her to get back on it.
So the choice: condoms or vasectomy. I hate condoms and am totally
willing to take my chances with some minor discomfort or aching. I hope
it's not that way but I'm willing to take my chances.
Of course I'm in no way minimizing the real pain that some guys do
suffer. But you asked for an explanation of willingness to go through
with vasectomy, and this is mine.
tcwalk...@gmail.com
Thank you, that is exactly what I wanted to hear.
Honestly, I agree and in my heart I think that 10% might be a little
high for the type of pain I feel on a daily basis before and after the
reversal (I think I'm about 30% better after the reversal).
But your post is exactly what I wanted to hear. A man who went into
his vasectomy prepared and knowing that he might be facing PVP but
willing to take the chance. I had suspected that there were some men
who do develop some level of low pain that are lumped into the
statistics but are not bothered by the pain and accept it in the name
of saving their wife from birth control (which is dangerous in and of
itself).
My wife and I were told not to have any more children because my wife
had an extremely rough and dangerous labor on our first child. So I
should be willing to put up with some level of pain in the name of
protecting her health. Believe me, we are still careful to protect her
health but with a vasectomy that left me nearly suicidal we also had to
look after my health as well.
I am actually going to begin developing a website centered around
encouraging men to have an open discussion about vasectomy with their
doctor. It's going to be based on peer reviewed statistics only and
just the facts, no speculation or misinterpreted studies. Just today I
purchased the domain ConsideringVasectomy.com. I'm a software engineer
that does web development and my wife is a graphic designer and
marketing director so we are going to put our talents to use and I am
going to try to find an outlet for the unrelenting pain--to encourage
men to have frank an open honest discussions with their doctor. Not to
scare them, but to inform them. I hope I can make some small
contribution in the name of this condition that has and will continue
to leave in indelible mark on my life.
TC
Biker
>But your post is exactly what I wanted to hear. A man who went
>into his vasectomy prepared and knowing that he might be
>facing PVP but willing to take the chance.
If there were a 50-50 chance of long term discomfort, I guess then I'd
ask how severe the discomfort is. You see, I'm doing this for selfish
reasons, I really don't want to use condoms and I like having sex. If
we're talking about acute pain, obviously the line is a lot lower; I
judged based on about 1%, I suppose even if it went up to 5% I might
have gone ahead. Not sure.
But this makes me wonder if any studies have been done correlating
acute pain outcome with particular doctors, levels of skill and
experience. Is the pain totally random across doctors, or is it more
common among doctors who don't perform many vasectomies or who are not
as skilled?
I guess I'm just wondering what causes the cases of acute pain, do we
know that? It might be something for you to investigate for your
website.
As for me, I know three guys who had their vasectomies done by my
doctor (and a couple of them know yet more guys who used him) and
they've had no problems. The doctor is a urologist, he's experienced,
at least 8 years or so, and does about 100 a year. He's also the only
urologist in the small city I live in; if there were problems with him
I definitely would have heard (like I heard about the laser eye surgeon
who botched a few eye correction procedures).
All of these facts came into my calculation as well. If the doctor was
someone who'd never done vasectomies, or who did very few of them, or
if I knew a few guys who'd had bad experiences with him, I would have
looked elsewhere because I would have figured the chances of problems
would have been higher than the average in that case.
>I am actually going to begin developing a website centered
>around encouraging men to have an open discussion about
>vasectomy with their doctor. It's going to be based on peer
>reviewed statistics only and just the facts, no speculation or
>misinterpreted studies.
I'm just curious about your take on the vasectomy-information.com site,
because it seems to me to be a source of peer reviewed journal articles
and stats and facts...
Biker
tcwalk...@gmail.com
wouldn't be trying to compete with him or anything like that. I don't
think I could if I tried.
I'd mainly like an outlet. I need something to do to make me feel like
I'm making a difference. However, having said that, I don't care how
many hits I get and I'm not looking to sell anything or have any
advertisers. If no one comes to the site then that's fine, at least I
can refer people I meet in real life to it when I hear them talking
about vasectomy.
Besides, I just like designing websites, it's part of what I do for a
living.
As for PVP, the statistics will always be on the side of the patient.
Subjectively, it's a low occuring phenomenon. How do you define low?
The problem is it does happen and a lot of us who have it happen did
not know it could happen. I just had this conversation with someone
tonight. The problem is, if you haven't had PVP, you really cannot
understand PVP. The only way I think I can describe it is to imagine
the pain you had the night of your vasectomy and then having to face
the fact that you might have to have that pain the rest of your life.
I can only call it shear terror when a urologist gives you that shrug
and attempt at a understanding expression on his face. It truly is
terror as you walk out to your car from that appointment with a script
for antibiotics and NSAIDS and then you have a breakdown that night as
you try to explain to your wife that the doctor told you you might have
to be in this condition the rest of your life. If you had a good
vasectomy then my story is one of those things you try to put out of
your mind because it's too terrible to think about. When you are on my
side of the fence you start to feel that no percentage of PVP is
acceptable, no matter how low.
TC (My real name is Ross, by the way)
David
> I'd mainly like an outlet. I need something to do to make me feel like
> I'm making a difference. However, having said that, I don't care how
> many hits I get and I'm not looking to sell anything or have any
> advertisers. If no one comes to the site then that's fine, at least I
> can refer people I meet in real life to it when I hear them talking
> about vasectomy.
>
> Besides, I just like designing websites, it's part of what I do for a
> living.
I'd say go for it and do something positive on the web. I think there is
deffinitely a need for good sites that deal with pvp - currently these are
in short supply! In order to make a difference, I think you need to to try
and educate men about the condition - not try and shock them out of having
it done. That's been tried and doesn't work. My main advice would be to be
objective, and link to sites or evidence that independantly backs up any
specific claims you make.
If you are tyring to reach men that are considering a vasectomy, then take
into account what the target demographic already knows and write for them.
One of the interesting things about the "This morning" article was that they
did a survey into what young men knew about vasectomy, and the ignorance was
astounding! The number of men that think it stops you ejaculating completely
was very large.
Good luck with it, and let us know how it's going.
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org
stevesd
group in San Diego, CA USA on 01 SEP 05. Kaiser (HMO) requires one to
attend a Vasectomy class and to sign a consent form. The consent form
is good for 6 months. I had my Vasectomy right away within 30 days
from attending the class. They gave good instruction of shaving your
balls before surg and wearing a good jockstrap and applying ice for the
first 48 hours.
When I was opened up, there seemed to be some small infection with the
left vas, however the Urologist fixed the problem with antibodics (sp),
he sniped the vas, tied off the ends and cautery the ends. Repeated
procedure on right side, no problem, I was on the table for less than
30 minutes. The Doc was good in his job, although I did feel a lot of
pressure or pulling on my testicles as he tried to locate the VAS.
It's been almost since a month since the procdure, I have had no
problems, I still wear a jock when working out, biking or doing intense
physical exercise. Champion makes a good jockstrap that really hold the
family Jewls close to the body. I followed the instructions wearing
briefs a jock and applying ice and tyneol (sp) when in pain. Today I
can honestly report that no worries, I feel great, the doc did a once
cut incision just below my penis, he was able to get to both VAS by the
one site and let the incision site close on it's own. Both vas ends
were tied off, and cauterized, but no worries. I am back to wearing my
boxer shorts again and sex with my partner is great. No worries about
making babies at 44 years old.
As a Man, I highly recommend VASECTOMY to anyone older than 30, however
the youngest in my Vasectomy class was 24. I highly recommend talking
about vasectomy to my peers as well as about PROSTATE CANCER! Men need
to be talking about these things now days and not need to be worried
that's it taboo or ashame of talking about our penis or balls! In
America, USA it's still some what Victorian to talk about sex openly,
and or about birth control with the Right Wing GOP in Power, however
those Educated know that Vasectomy works, and most of us are very happy
to get the SNIP, I am VERY HAPPY - I hope to get the ALL CLEAR in a few
more weeks. Those who have troubles afterwards, sorry to read about
you guys, but hang in there, it's worth it in the long run! Talk about
Vasectomy to younger men, esp guys in their 20's as a way for birth
control. Women have the children and go through far more pain in child
birth than a man does in getting snipped with having a Vasectomy! Oh I
ejaculated three days after my Vasectomy and noticed a hudge amout of
cum, it was awesome feeling needless to say private of my partner, but
I have no worries, and back to doing my sports - I just wear my
jockstrap.
Cheers Mates!
Stevesd
San Diego CA USA//
peegee
the following is the link to the online versions of what the programme
contained.
http://www.itv-thismorning.co.uk/HealthArticle.aspx?fid=225&tid=2
Unfortunately they have cut out the "dart" board rough needle, the
patient jumping and most of the early squeels from the Guinea Pig. If
I'd been treated like that I'd be arguing quite a lot with the doctor
whether it distracted me or not!!
>From my review of the programme the only mention of percentages was 3%
for any "discomfort" in the afterword discussion.
There was no direct mention of PVP or its prevalence within people
having this procedure which has "many different" ways of doing it again
the only other number that seemed to be quoted. PVP was neither
mentioned or explained in any detail.
This is a similar trend that you see from most people including
Doctor's. I've asked my own Doc a few times now on the Vas and any side
affects - consistantly the answer is "there are none what you waiting
for". Until I change doc or they become aware of the risk I'm not
interested. I can just imagine going back later and getting the "pain
is all in my mind" blurb and swiftly packed off with some "anti
something or other".
For those who didnt see the programme the bad bits are not included in
the link to online programme either. So you can't see how tacky the
whole thing was and how limited the time was for the "main" feature and
discussion was - as David said they had someone in background calling
to wind the programme up.
On the "on programme doctor" I'm surprised he wasnt more "prepared" as
they had trumpeted this "breakthru" in morning TV over a week before it
happened.
I know David doesnt agree from earlier posting - but the overall
approach to it was only there to keep viewers waiting and titillated.
This was born from the fact that the vas got done around 12.15 and the
show finishes at 12.25. They kept people waiting from 10.30 till 12.15
before any "start" to the subject.
The programme should stick to stuff that doesnt need the care and
attention in its presentation that this subject requires - the
presenters quote on the great song "Great Balls of Fire" sums up the
"theatre" and lack of respect for something that is a serious watershed
in any man's life.
The overall effect was not one that left any man with a warm and
comfortable feeling of going for a vas. I'd assume it wouldnt impress
any of the normal audience this programme attracts either - I wont
comment on David's description of who's normally watching this sort of
television.
I'd just like to finish on the point that I'm not trying to be "anti
vas". If the profs and docs are upfront, informed and honest then we
can all weigh and balance what we want and which route to take. To see
this doesnt help the "cause" it only expands and exposes the obvious
gaps in both professional and lay peoples view about something that is
a very important subject for any man or woman.
Regards and thanks.
Peegee
David
> http://www.itv-thismorning.co.uk/HealthArticle.aspx?fid=225&tid=2
>
Thanks for posting this - I'm glad they have put the video clip online. It's
a shame that so much of the piece has been cut out, but I guess they can't
put the whole program on the webclip.
> There was no direct mention of PVP or its prevalence within people
> having this procedure which has "many different" ways of doing it again
> the only other number that seemed to be quoted. PVP was neither
> mentioned or explained in any detail.
Certainly not within the clip on the website, but as I said in my previous
post during the discussion with Fern Britton just before the program ended,
Dr. Chris Steel made the 10% mention. I have the tape to prove it, and an
NTSC DVD version is going to be crossing the pond very soon.
> On the "on programme doctor" I'm surprised he wasnt more "prepared" as
> they had trumpeted this "breakthru" in morning TV over a week before it
> happened.
I agree totally - I don't think he'd been briefed on any questions he was
likely to be asked, nor had bothered to do much research as I observed in
one of my other posts.
> I know David doesnt agree from earlier posting - but the overall
> approach to it was only there to keep viewers waiting and titillated.
> This was born from the fact that the vas got done around 12.15 and the
> show finishes at 12.25. They kept people waiting from 10.30 till 12.15
> before any "start" to the subject.
No, I do agree with you here. The opening of the program was a discussion,
and we then had to wait for nearly two hours for the procedure, with the
occasional reference that it was going to happen later on. My dissagreement
is that I don't think it was tacky or irresponsible. Badly researched on the
part of the regular doctor, yes.
> The overall effect was not one that left any man with a warm and
> comfortable feeling of going for a vas. I'd assume it wouldnt impress
> any of the normal audience this programme attracts either - I wont
> comment on David's description of who's normally watching this sort of
> television.
I made no comment on the usual viewers - the times I have caught snippets,
I've always felt that the program tries hard to appeal to a very wide
following. The comment I made was that "as it's daytime TV, the demographic
most likely to have a vasectomy would be out at work and would have missed
it ". I felt that this is statistically likely, and therefore a fair
comment to make. I'm sorry if this caused offence.
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org
david...@tesco.net
I'm intrigued by the use of "Victorian" here. Victoria became queen in
1837. That's after the (now revoked) declaration of independance isn't
it?? Therefore she was never queen of the American colonies. it's
strange that she has some reverence over there!
David
>That's after the (now revoked) declaration of independance isn't it??
I should have made myself a little clearer. Many of you Americans might have
failed to notice that we revoked the treaty of independance, and you are now
ruled from London. See the official notification below.
Revocation of Independence - a Letter From John Cleese
To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your
failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states,
commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85%
of
you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your
borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further
elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will
be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.The letter 'U' will be
reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter
'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part.
Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the
letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed'
not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You
will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You
are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with
correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. Look up "interspersed".
There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old
enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When
you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language
as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of
the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to
learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart"
will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such
place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you
persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires"
e.g. Texasshire,
Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly"or "Red Dwarf" will
not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who
can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should re learn your original national anthem, "God Save TheQueen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football.
What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15%
of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have
noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be
allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it
would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of
you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar
to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are
hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event
called the
'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only
2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error
is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls'
game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized
gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be
allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable
peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle
potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry
a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own
good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All
road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving
on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with
immediate effect
and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication
will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85%
of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not
aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato
chips are properly called
"crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional
accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance, 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all
tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be
doubled for
tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer
at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance
will be referred to as
"Lager". The substances formerly known as"American Beer" will henceforth be
referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product
ofthe American Budweiser company whose products will be referred to as"Weak
Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured
for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk
of
confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you
will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the
former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and
the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $7/US
gallon - get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that
you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by
adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone
or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
16. Last but not the least, and for heaven's sake.....it's Nuclear as in
"clear" NOT Nucular.
Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day."
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org
pat.n...@iname.com
on the article:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp
Biker
>actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper
>British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of
>known and accepted provenance will be referred to as
>"Lager". The substances formerly known as"American Beer" will
>henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the
>whose products will be referred to as"Weak Near-Frozen Knat's
>Urine".
Great post David, I especially like point 12 on beer, it is so so sadly
true...
David
> It was apparently not penned by John Cleese. See the urban legends page
> on the article:
> http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp
OK - thanks for the correction and the link. It was emailed to me a while
back - I wasn't aware of any history of it. I loved the version where GB is
going to be a state of the US!
--
David
www.vasectomy-information.com
www.vasectomy-faq.org