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Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
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Hi, I'm Galig, or Amanda, whichever you prefer. I've never posted here
before, though I have read some posts. I hope that the fact (which I
have to say up front here) that I'm only 17 doesn't bother any of you.
I was diagnosed with PTSD a long time ago, but I've never really had a
chance to talk to anyone else with PTSD... (I'm also paranoid
schizophrenic, but there's another support group for that :))

I guess my symptoms are about like anyone else's. Being terrified without
any outside warning and feeling that people near me are other people from
the past, and that they are doing things that they aren't doing, and curling
up and screaming until everything turns white, like I did when the
things were actually happening. This happens now less frequently than
before, but I still have this ongoing fear that it's going to happen when
I'm doing something important or public...

...does anyone understand this?

--
-- | "My God!--it's full of stars!"
Galig Dulin | (Dave Bowman)
| (Arthur C. Clarke's _2001_)
nigh...@netcom.com | "It could have been me/Yes it could have been me
| Why didn't I say?/Why didn't I say?"
________________________| (David Bowie)
"Folk takes their peril with them into Lorien, and finds it there because
they've brought it" (Samwise Gamgee)
"How did this one life fall so far and fast?" (Suzanne Vega)

kipco

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
to Galiganinda Dulin

Hi Galig & Amanda!

Welcome out of the lurk mode! :)

Galiganinda Dulin wrote:

> Hi, I'm Galig, or Amanda, whichever you prefer. I've never posted here
> before, though I have read some posts. I hope that the fact (which I
> have to say up front here) that I'm only 17 doesn't bother any of you.
> I was diagnosed with PTSD a long time ago, but I've never really had a
> chance to talk to anyone else with PTSD... (I'm also paranoid
> schizophrenic, but there's another support group for that :))
>
> I guess my symptoms are about like anyone else's. Being terrified without
> any outside warning and feeling that people near me are other people from
> the past, and that they are doing things that they aren't doing, and curling
> up and screaming until everything turns white, like I did when the
> things were actually happening. This happens now less frequently than
> before, but I still have this ongoing fear that it's going to happen when
> I'm doing something important or public...
>
> ...does anyone understand this?

Of course :) I have to go make a variance appeal to the Board of Zoning
tomorrow night. Already have enlisted the aid of a friend to explain to the
Board if I suddenly dissociate and/or walk out of the room without knowing it.
Part of my justification for the variance is due to my therapist's and
psychiatrist's recommendations :)

Smile and there will be something to smile about!

Nancy


JKLintzBFA

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
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Hello Galig (or Amanda.... which do YOU prefer?) :-)

Welcome!

No need to apologize for having PTSD at 17. Here or
anywhere else. Glad you found this group. There are
lots of wonderful folks here who "get it." I have
received much support here and imagine that so
will you.

Jan

Frank

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
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Galiganinda Dulin wrote:
>
> Hi, I'm Galig, or Amanda, whichever you prefer. I've never posted here
> before, though I have read some posts. I hope that the fact (which I
> have to say up front here) that I'm only 17 doesn't bother any of you.
> I was diagnosed with PTSD a long time ago, but I've never really had a
> chance to talk to anyone else with PTSD... (I'm also paranoid
> schizophrenic, but there's another support group for that :))
>
> I guess my symptoms are about like anyone else's. Being terrified without
> any outside warning and feeling that people near me are other people from
> the past, and that they are doing things that they aren't doing, and curling
> up and screaming until everything turns white, like I did when the
> things were actually happening. This happens now less frequently than
> before, but I still have this ongoing fear that it's going to happen when
> I'm doing something important or public...
>
> ...does anyone understand this?

Hi, and welcome! Both of your names are beautiful! How can I choose
just one??

Anyone who has a connection to PTSD is welcome to post here. As far as
I know there is not a FAQ for this ng so we all just wing it.

I was an old, old man of 19 when I was exposed to most of the trauma
events that caused my PTSD. I was a lot older than that before I was
diagnosed as having PTSD. Before being diagnosed correctly I went
through life thinking that I was a nut, a crazy person with no value and
no hope to ever get better. I had every one of the symptoms of PTSD and
several symptoms that are better described in some of the other anxiety
disorders but it was all coming from the trauma that I had experienced.
For years I felt that I was worthless, hopeless and helpless. My life
was one panic attack after another, hypervigilance, nightmares,
flashbacks, mistrust in everyone and a constant rage that hurt me and
everyone around me. My list of symptoms is too long to post here and
most of us in this ng know them from first hand experience anyway.

So the answer is yes, I do understand!

I will always have PTSD, there is no cure for it on the horizon but I
now have most of my life back thanks to long sessions of group and one
on one therapy and a lot of very hard work on my part. So take heart
you don't have to stay where you are right now. There is help for you
out there.

You will find a lot of people here in this ng that understand about the
things that you said in your post. The symptoms of PTSD that most of us
who post here have in common are threads that bind us together into a
very good support group. Welcome to our little corner of cyberland
Galiganinda Amanda. You have already been helpful to the rest of us
because the words in your post make us feel like we are not alone in
this thing.

Keep present focused!

Frank

Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
to

In article <348EAA0A...@cris.com>, kipco <ki...@concentric.net> wrote:
<large snip>

>Smile and there will be something to smile about!
>
>Nancy

Thanks... I think I'll do that. :)

Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
to

In article <19971210150...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
FFrogggie <ffro...@aol.com> wrote:
>In article <nightsngE...@netcom.com>, nigh...@netcom.com (Galiganinda

>Dulin) writes:
>
>> hope that the fact (which I
>have to say up front here) that I'm only 17
>>doesn't bother any of you.
>
>PTSD doesn't descriminate against age, so why should we. I'm also kind of new
>here, and I can say that everyone is welcomed here. We all need support, and
>you will get it here. Hope to hear more from you.
>
>Gianna

Good... I just get nervous sometimes... sometimes people email me for
awhile and when they learn my age they won't talk to me anymore, even
though we're usually just talking about schizophrenia issues or something
like that...

Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
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In article <19971210173...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,

JKLintzBFA <jklin...@aol.com> wrote:
>Hello Galig (or Amanda.... which do YOU prefer?) :-)

I prefer Galig actually :)

>Welcome!
>
>No need to apologize for having PTSD at 17. Here or
>anywhere else. Glad you found this group. There are
>lots of wonderful folks here who "get it." I have
>received much support here and imagine that so
>will you.
>
>Jan

Great!...

bear...@yahoo.com

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Dec 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/10/97
to

Welcome Galig,

PTSD knows now age limits, and neither do we.

For me your presence on this newsgroup is important. My mom was schizophrenic.
Unfortunately during her time (1940's and 1950's), they were still learning
about what to do about it. My personal opinion, unsupported, is that she also
had PTSD from her father, who was kind enough to provide many events that
would later become my PTSD. They didn't have the meds then that they have now,
for schizophrenia. They didn't even know what PTSD was back then.

Having someone here who suffers from both I hope will give me insight into
this. I'm 44 now, and have not one memory of my mom. She was committed when I
was 3, and came home on home visits now and then. I've been told there were
events I should definitely remember, but I don't. She committed suicide in the
mental institution when I was almost 10. I still wonder what she was like.

So welcome......


AARage

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Dec 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/11/97
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>Being terrified without any outside warning...screaming until everything turns
white...ongoing fear that it's going to happen when I'm doing something
important or public...does anyone understand this?<

YES! YES!! YES!!! Do you understand it? It's horrible. It's flashbacks!

Welcome to the group, Nightsng. (What a lovely name, BTW.) I am happy that
you're here.

Hang tough--


"I've been through the desert on a horse with no name; it feels good to be out
of the rain!"

Desert Hooves~~

Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/11/97
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In article <19971211010...@ladder02.news.aol.com>,

AARage <aar...@aol.com> wrote:
>>Being terrified without any outside warning...screaming until everything turns
>white...ongoing fear that it's going to happen when I'm doing something
>important or public...does anyone understand this?<
>
>YES! YES!! YES!!! Do you understand it? It's horrible. It's flashbacks!
>
>Welcome to the group, Nightsng. (What a lovely name, BTW.) I am happy that
>you're here.
>
>Hang tough--

I understand how it feels, and I understand that it's flashbacks, but I
don't understand why it has to happen. What good reason is there for
your system to play back terrifying memories years after they happen?
The only thing I can think of is that your system wants you to have your
guard up so those things don't happen again, but there has to be a better
way to do it...

Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/11/97
to

That's terrible, and I see things like that all the time. There are
several people I know who will grow up to be put in institutions. Some
seem to not even know that it's going to happen, while others know that
it's happening and desperately want to stop it but can't get around their
illnesses. To most people, when that happens, they say, "Oh yeah, she was
crazy, they put her in an institution, and nobody ever saw her again."
But for the people in the institution, life doesn't end there. Many have
to live most of their lives confined inside, many knowing that they could
have made some important contribution. Can you imagine spending 40+ years
in someplace like that? 40+ years of terror, medications, quiet rooms...
I know that two months in the hospital was enough to drain just about
everything out of me. After those two months, they were going to put me
in an institution, but when my parents visited it they said that I
absolutely couldn't go there. Fortunately, they sent me to a residential
treatment centre instead and the staff and doctors there dragged me
kicking and screaming out of my little psychotic hole into reality
again. But even now, I am haunted by that other possible future. In
another universe, I am probably in the institution now and will die
there. I always wonder, why was I lucky? How did I get out of it? I
don't think I'll ever know...

Galiganinda Dulin

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Dec 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/11/97
to

Thanks. I just want to be somewhere where people know what I'm talking
about and don't think I'm crazy...

JKLintzBFA

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Dec 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/11/97
to

Galiganinda wrote:

<<I understand how it feels, and I understand that it's flashbacks, but I
don't understand why it has to happen. What good reason is there for
your system to play back terrifying memories years after they happen?
The only thing I can think of is that your system wants you to have your
guard up so those things don't happen again, but there has to be a better
way to do it...>>

Hi Galig,

I suspect you are onto something. It surely does sound
like a survival mechanism run amuck.

I recently read a book which I think I first heard about
here on this ng. "The Gift of Fear," by Gavin de Becker.
He talks about exactly this issue..... how to turn the
horrible lessons we learned into information that can
help us in our lives. Better yet, how to have LESS fear
because we learn to trust and act on the fact that that
we KNOW bad stuff sooner than we currently realize.
I found the book to be quite positive in this regard. He
included some heavy (potentially triggering for some)
stories, but always with a clear intent to help the
reader learn.

My thanks again, to whoever originally posted about
this book.

Galig, gathering information to educate myself has been
an important tool for me, though it may not be for you, or
perhaps not at this moment in your life. If it's not, I'll
just say that I appreciate the courage with which you
seem to be confronting your symptoms and inviting your
recovery.

Best wishes,
Jan

wall...@pop.service.ohio-state.edu

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Dec 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/11/97
to

Posted and e-mailed

Amanda wrote:

> Hi, I'm Galig, or Amanda, whichever you prefer. I've never posted here

> before, though I have read some posts. I hope that the fact (which I

> have to say up front here) that I'm only 17 doesn't bother any of you.

> I was diagnosed with PTSD a long time ago, but I've never really had a
> chance to talk to anyone else with PTSD... (I'm also paranoid
> schizophrenic, but there's another support group for that :))

I'm excited that you have been diagnosed and are getting help at 17.
I'll admit, I wish I had gotten help at 17, but I was still in the
midst of my traumas...and since my family was the perps in my abuse I
dont think it would have floated well for me to bring it all out, esp.
since I was still stufing!

Welcome to the group! Abuse/trauma has no age/racial/national boundaries
so don't feel self conscious about your age. You'll be surprised about
the people here who not only "get it", but will openly support you and
tell you what helped them get through similar things you may be facing.

Again, welcome!

--
Remove server indentification from text when replying to posts.

Using only the User's "name" will reduce the risk of "junk"
e-mail being sent to them by those who skim the groups
looking for "addresses to mail their junk to.

HeyYou97

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Dec 13, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/13/97
to

Hello Galig,
I've been taking a few days away from the ng and so I just now saw your post.
I wanted to say hello, I'm glad you found us .To the best of my knowledge there
is not an age requirement for PTSD, we only wish there were.

Although I don't have a remedy for your fear of going in public, please
remember that we tend to be our own worst critics. Try taking little steps
more often. Maybe short walks where you might see one or two people as oppose
to a mall. Get used to the short walks and then maybe add something else.
Baby steps.
I hope you will stay and monitor/join in the ng and keep us up to date.
Eileen

wall...@pop.service.ohio-state.edu

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Dec 13, 1997, 3:00:00 AM12/13/97
to

Posted and e-mailed

Galiganinda Dulin wrote:

> I understand how it feels, and I understand that it's flashbacks, but I
> don't understand why it has to happen. What good reason is there for
> your system to play back terrifying memories years after they happen?
> The only thing I can think of is that your system wants you to have your
> guard up so those things don't happen again, but there has to be a better
> way to do it...

Most of us were too young or in a postion where we could not respond to
the abuse/trauma we were subjected to. Our abusers may have threatened us,
we may have been too young to absorb it all, we may have been made to feel
responsible or it was simply to much to bear at one time.

For whatever reason, part of us shut down, stuffing the feelings that were
too big for us to handle. Now that we are older, our body slowly opens up
parts of those memories/emotions it feels we can handle now. Problem is,
it hurts annd scares us like it would have then because we lose our time
reference and feel like we are back in that time now instead of where we
are now: able defend ourselves, able to yell for help and to get it, able
to realize it was not our fault. Basically everything gets jumbled and we
get more and more confused.

That's where therapy comes in...an outside source of orientation to help us
get back on track, as it were, to point out the lies we tell ourselves and
the lies placed in us by others. The only way out is through beecause the
only other option would be to stuff more and that would only delay healing
and make it more painful.

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