feeling sorry for inanimate objects
MCartwrite
one example:
she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch no. 1,
then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
experiencing this.
seems more ocd?
mary
FANGBASHER
then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
experiencing this. >>
Yep--at one time. How old is she? It might develop into an OC issue, but
sounds rather harmless. My daughter at one time had similar thoughts about
eating vegetables--after all they were once 'alive.' She has been a strict
vegetarian (but not vegan) since the age of 11.5+--for moral reasons (believes
it is 'wrong' to raise animals to be killed for food). She does it quite, non
conspicuous way--but will state her reason if asked but is carefiul to do so in
way not to offend others.
I do think it may be related to possible heightened sensitivity for and
awareness of others that many with TS have reported and/or have described their
children w/TS as showing
Irina Shoushounova
> then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
> this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
> experiencing this.
> mary
Dear Mary:
My hubby(age 36!) does the exact same thing even now....and has "taught"
it to our oldest(10) as well!
They always make sure whatever item they chose must always be used for
example, so it's "fair" and so they don't "hurt it's feelings".They even
say "sorry" or "excuse me" if they bump into furniture,talk to objects as
if they were people, and when we lost this chair and couch in the fire
even kissed it goodbye and told it how much we loved it and will miss it!
I never even thought of connecting the TS and OCD(I just thought it was
kind of comical and cute,actually) but it sure seems possible!I have seen
others give them weird looks watching this, but I still prefer it to being
destructive and disrespectful of things though....
Irina, mother of 8.
--
******* IRINA SHOUSHOUNOVA bo693 or Lov...@ottawa.com *******
As Christ suffered many attacks, so must he who is following
in His footsteps,for the disciple is not above his master.
********* Home Page:http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~bo693 ********
Its the coffee talking
>one example:
>she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch no. 1,
>then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
>this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
>experiencing this.
>seems more ocd?
>mary
>
is somewhat age appropriate... up to a certain age, he's almost 8 though,.... I
have noticed it dwindling to some extent. Now he just hangs out with his dad
who is working on restoring his "baby" a historic automobile, talk about
ascribing feelings to an inanimate object... but I suppose most guys, (and a
few gals), have always been this way about their wheels. I'll never forget the
day my husband put a dent in my old Volkswagen -- the day we moved into our
house, (he dropped an oak dresser on it!), he was so overcome with shame he
could barely tell me what he had done to my car... to which I responded with a
warm smile and a "thank you" for giving me such a fond memory of an eventful
day... he just could not believe I would look at a dent in a car as a token of
something good! But I did, and every time I got into my old car, I would see
the dent, remember being 8 months pregnant and watching my husband move
everything into our house all by himself, the house that was to become our
family home, how could I not get a warm smile everytime I saw that dent?
Marietta.
Marietta
AST visitor and contributor since -1996
TaiChiMP
spent some early years on indian reservations. They have a different view of
things, and culturally/religiously are sensitive to the feelings of inanimate
objects.
I suppose it could be ocd, but I don't think in my case it was (never been dx'd
ocd, not even close imho). I know this may sound like a really kooky answer,
but it's possible your daughter is right. If her other watches might feel
neglected, perhaps she should reassure them. No, I am NOT being a smart-@$$.
Many cultures around the world have views like this, and know it's not
idolotry.
To take a completely different tack on the situation, many children work out
their social identitiesand hone their social skills in creative play with toys.
You might not think it odd if your daughter were concerned about being
courteous to dolls when serving them tea. The dolls are more obviously
representative of other humans, because they are human shaped, but they are, in
fact, no more human than a watch. A tea party may be more obviously symbolic
of social interaction than reassuring some watches that they are valued, even
though they cannot today be warned. (Yet, this is a touching and necessary
skill, sometimes you have to leave a loved one for awhile, and the last thing
you want is for them to feel rejected.)
I don't have kids, but I was one. I think from a parenting standpoint, you
need to watch for two things: 1) inappropriate behavior outside the home (don't
let her embarass herself with dramas about objects that go beyond cute or
quirky) 2) CONTENT of her interactions (it sounds like your daughter is a
sweet, caring, sensitive child--given that she thinks watches have feelings,
look at the warm content of her concern. I would worry if she thought watches
had feelings, then dreamed-up ways to trample them and make them feel
wretched.)
This point about your daughter's warmth should be underscored in your mind:
she wants to be kind and protective to "beings" with no capacity for
self-defense or retalliation. This kind of gentle strength should warm any
parents heart!
justme
>
> my daughter seems to be doing this more.
> one example:
> she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch no. 1,
> then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
> this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
> experiencing this.
> seems more ocd?
> mary
Mary, my son, who is 7 does the same thing. He is especially
"protective" of his stuffed animals.He is still fond of Barney the
dinosaur, but is becoming self-conscious about it. When his friends come
over, he hides him, but not before apologizing and promising to come
back for him. He was also sad when we got a new sofa and threw the old
one away. He insisted upon keeping one of the cushions, which I have to
this day in my garage.He also wants to keep his old shoes, clothes, etc.
(I can't get rid of anything when he is around)<g> So, you are
definitely not alone on this one.
Jai
Its the coffee talking
>"protective" of his stuffed animals.He is still fond of Barney the
>dinosaur, but is becoming self-conscious about it. When his friends come
>over, he hides him, but not before apologizing and promising to come
>back for him
<G>, ditto for my 7 year old, but he has "pink bear", one night I found him
teary eyed in bed, questioning him I found out that he felt he had been
neglecting "pink bear", and was asking PB for forgiveness, all the while
promising to spend more time with him. We've had birthday parties for PB, (at
least once a year, and sometimes more... usually involves a mini muffin with a
candle in it... all of the other stuffed animlas are invited to sit on the
stairs, and PB gets the best seat in the house, the landing on the stairs, and
he also gets to weat the "blanket cape" -- not unlike a royal cape... oh these
days are soon ending for me... ).
TaiChiMP
TaiChimp
MCartwrite
>(I can't get rid of anything when he is around)<g> So, you are
>definitely not alone on this one.
>
>Jai
my brother, dx of adhd, undx ocd/ts, is the same way. his wife gets rid of old
stuff while he is gone from the house...otherwise he is just too sad to see it
go...and "grieves" for it...
maybe that's where the hoarding comes in with the comorbids???
mary
justme
TaiChiMP, This is a wonderful, insightful reply. I am Indian (American)
and I was taught to show appreciation for everything we have, as they
are gifts that the "Creator" has allowed us. Even in death, objects were
important symbols of the deceased's life. In both of my tribes it is
traditional to bury objects with the deceased. (actually cremation, and
then placing the remains atop a memorial pole was the original way) When
my father died, we all put "objects" which symbolized something
important to him in his casket. He had his lemon drops, a fish hook he
had carved, pictures, and the videotape, "Star Trek, the Voyage Home"
buried with him. (He was a major Star Trek fan!) Unfortunately, as I
have grown older, I am less concerned and appreciative of what "objects"
have done to improve my life. I tend to look upon them as just things
and not gifts. But I am feeling guilty about throwing away my old sofa
now<smile>.
Jai
haeji...@my-deja.com
mcart...@aol.com (MCartwrite) wrote:
> my daughter seems to be doing this more.
> one example:
> she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch
no. 1,
> then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
> this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
> experiencing this.
> seems more ocd?
> mary
I was totally like this as a kid. Couldn't throw anything away, and
felt guilty if I even THOUGHT of throwing anything away, as if the
thing could read my mind. I pretty much outgrew that in my early 20's,
but it still pops up now and then and I'll apologize to stuff, even an
envelope after I take the bill out of it. LOL
I think for the most part it's harmless, although I do think that this
'sensitivity' can be overdone to the point where our concern for the
feelings of others overrides our own needs and wants. Does she
sacrifice her own feelings too often for those of others? Does she get
talked into things because she doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings
by saying NO?
Dominique :)
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Kacey
MCartwrite <mcart...@aol.com> wrote in article
<19991013095823...@ng-fy1.aol.com>...
> she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch no.
1,
> then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
Sort of an "evening up" sort of compulsion, with emotion? I wonder if
mostly girls (and women) do this one!
Kacey
KATHRYN A TAUBERT
MCartwrite <mcart...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991013095823...@ng-fy1.aol.com...
> my daughter seems to be doing this more.
> one example:
1,
> then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
> experiencing this.
> seems more ocd?
> mary
Mary, my niece does this. She's an aerospace engineer. Brilliant. Thinks of
'machines' as 'friends.' She takes care of her autos, boats, etc., gives
them names, thinks of them as 'he,' she' etc.
I've heard it said that engineers and those with "that kind of mind' often
do that. NOT always, mind you, but often.
If it's not a problem, I wouldn't worry too much about it. She's just
feeling 'empathy' which is a good thing, no matter WHAT it's directed at.
KAT in CT
KATHRYN A TAUBERT
> (I can't get rid of anything when he is around)<g> So, you are
> definitely not alone on this one.
>
> Jai
uh oh..you just nailed my husband, Al. He's got SHIRTS older than I
am...sigh....
:-)
KAT in CT
Kacey
Kacey <ka...@bestweb.net> wrote in article
<01bf15c1$7b0ec460$38665ed1@default>...
>
>
> MCartwrite <mcart...@aol.com> wrote in article
> <19991013095823...@ng-fy1.aol.com>...
>
> > she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch
no.
> 1,
> > then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
>
I will say "excuse me" to things when I bump them or slight them too. If
anyone looks askance, well, call it eccentricity. I think it has to do
with my relationship with the world, respect coming from within rather
than as something due to only people who demand it.
No, I am not at all confused between the animate and the inanimate.
Inanimate objects take on life in that they are in relation to ourselves
and therefore have meaning.
Kacey
DrMom811
>
>TaiChimp
Tai,
Personally, I don't give a rip about typos in your posts. They read so
fluently that they are easily missed, and I'd rather see them there as long as
your thoughts are flowing. To stop that flow by being worried about your
typing would be a detriment to us all.
Your response to Mary's question was WONDERFUL!
Barb
Jimmy2Times
once my mom opened a book to read to me when i was like 7-8 and bauled
my eyes out when it didn't have any pages in it. I felt sorry for it.
Wow - what an amazing thread - thank you for whoever started this!
White Scut
>one example:
>then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
>experiencing this.
>seems more ocd?
>mary
Could it be autism related or something similar? I don't really understand how
it could relate to OCD, if someone can lay out a connection I would like to
know. Ever since I was a little kid I didn't like to have stuffed animals
because I "felt sorry for them" (I guess because they could not do things on
their own? or something). To this day I still have kind of a sadness about it.
I have never been able to understand or explain that to anyone. I also got
very attached to certain inanimate objects when I was a kid, in fact they
seemed to have more personality to me than real people. I don't mean like a
blanket or something like kids do...I mean, like a marble or piece of cardboard
from a game...they all seemed to have "names" and personalities. Very weird.
I kind of have similar feelings as your daughter regarding things that do not
get used or whatever like you gave the example with the watches. It can be
ANYTHING at all. I don't constantly dwell on it or anything, but the feelings
pop up from time to time and I usually try to ignore it realizing it is very
strange. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ABOUT and why do I have to be so weird?
Like I said, I don't really see a connection to OCD there. It just doesn't
make any sense or have any connection to anything I have ever heard of. If
anything it seems related to depression as there is a sad feeling associated
with it, like some object is going to "feel badly."
White Scut
>spent some early years on indian reservations. They have a different view of
>things, and culturally/religiously are sensitive to the feelings of inanimate
>objects.
So maybe these feelings are natural for most humans, but just hyped up a bit
for others?
Its the coffee talking
>Ever since I was a little kid I didn't like to have stuffed animals
>because I "felt sorry for them" (I guess because they could not do things on
>their own? or something). To this day I still have kind of a sadness about
>it.
And I would guess that this has been going on for centuries, when considering
books such as the Velveteen Rabbit.
Marietta
BTW, Whitescut did you notice my new quote in my sig line? I came up with this
one for you! After thinking about your point about making change... I have
trouble with this too on any given day... and especially when I've been
deprived of my caffeine!
"The superior person knows the inferiority of such a thought" ~MVB '99
White Scut
>neglected, perhaps she should reassure them.
I just thought of something funny. When my mother-in-law gets out of her car
after driving it she pats the hood and says "thank you." I always laugh and
hope no one else is looking, but she says that her cars don't break down as
often when she does that! : )
White Scut
great suspicion who treated inanimate objects badly; especially the ones who
took dolls or stuffed animals and deliberately mutilated them, thinking it was
funny. I figured, if they see objects that resemble real things as something
to use and abuse, wouldn't they do the same with the real thing?
I have a friend who laughed about how, when they were kids, he teased his
little sister by dangling her stuffed bear out the window and threatening to
drop it ("harm it") and how she cried and told him to stop.
He said he thought it was funny because it was "only a toy." But, as an adult,
he definitely has a problem with empathy. In fact, he can be very unthinkingly
cruel. I say unthinkingly very strongly because he is a very hyper, impulsive
person, and just thinks and acts differently than others, to the point where
he actually annoys people.
I have never in my years of knowing him seen him actually physically harm
anyone or anything; in fact he also loves animals and treats them well
(otherwise, if he was the type to physically harm others, I wouldn't be around
him at all), but when I look at what he does (the emotional cruelty), it
honestly seems that he doesn't realize what he is doing, like he is truly
incapable of some feelings.
White Scut
>books such as the Velveteen Rabbit.
>
>Marietta
Yep...a real tear-jerker wasn't it?
>BTW, Whitescut did you notice my new quote in my sig line? I came up with
>this
>one for you! After thinking about your point about making change... I have
>trouble with this too on any given day... and especially when I've been
>deprived of my caffeine!
>"The superior person knows the inferiority of such a thought" ~MVB '99
Just for me? Gawsh. *blushing* No one's ever thought of me in their sig line
before.
: )
(At least I hope they haven't...I've seen some of 'em)
Its the coffee talking
>teary eyed in bed, questioning him I found out that he felt he had been
>neglecting "pink bear", and was asking PB for forgiveness, all the while
>promising to spend more time with him. We've had birthday parties for PB,
>(at
>least once a year, and sometimes more... usually involves a mini muffin with
>a
>candle in it... all of the other stuffed animlas are invited to sit on the
>stairs, and PB gets the best seat in the house, the landing on the stairs,
>and
Tonight at the dinner table my son asked how toys got to toy stores and my
husband explained about trucks and warehouses, and factories and such. After a
knowing nod, my son said... so that's where Pink Bear came from, and my husband
added that he probably also came on a boat... to which my son said he didn't
think so because Pink Bear would never take a boat... husband added, "well you
know he was probably born in China".... a long pause and then, in an all so
serious tone to match his fathers, "Oh... no *wonder* I can't understand Pink
Bear."
Try not to laugh at that one without milk coming out your nose!
Marietta
"The superior person knows the inferiority of such a thought" ~MVB '99
Ellenquilt
>she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch no. 1,
>then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
>this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
>experiencing this.
>seems more ocd?
My son has told me about this same feeling for inanimate objects. He does have
OCD, so maybe it is an OCD thing.
White Scut
>know he was probably born in China".... a long pause and then, in an all so
>serious tone to match his fathers, "Oh... no *wonder* I can't understand
>Pink
>Bear."
LOL That is just too cute.
Fortunately I wasn't drinking when I read it although it would probably have
been juice as I do not drink milk. ; )
TaiChiMP
>"Oh... no *wonder* I can't understand Pink
>Bear."
LOL that's priceless!
I'm E-mailing this to my folks.
TaiChimp
Kali Ma
--
Joanne
KATHRYN A TAUBERT
>
> uh oh..you just nailed my husband, Al. He's got SHIRTS older than I
> am...sigh....
> :-)
> KAT in CT
>
Did they have sewing machines back then?
Joanne's inner puppy
Randall Bart
alt.support.tourette on 13 Oct 1999 13:58:23 GMT these words:
>my daughter seems to be doing this more.
>one example:
>she owns several watches and she's concerned that if she wears watch no. 1,
>then watches 2, 3 and 4 are being neglected as if they have feelings.
>this is not a "major" problem...just curious if others' children are
>experiencing this.
>seems more ocd?
>mary
IMO, the disease is when someone _doesn't_ have compassion for
inanimate objects. I cringe when I see a child carrying a teddy bear
by one leg. When I see a statue of a cat I often say meow and scratch
it behind the ears.
In ways, a watch is even easier to identify with. A watch has a face,
and the expression on it's face changes during the day. A watch needs
some care; it could die if mishandled. OTOH, no matter how many times
a child drops a teddy bear on its head, the teddy bear will still tell
wild stories when no one else is around.
If your girl isn't overly obsessed with the watches, then this concern
is a Good Thing.
--
RB |\ Randall Bart
aa |/ Bart...@usa.spam.net Bart...@att.spam.net
nr |\ Please reply without spam 1-818-985-3259
dt ||\
a |/ DOT-HS-808-065 MSMSMSMSMSMSMS=6/28/107
l |\ http://users.aol.com/PanicYr00 I LOVE YOU
l |/ Yes, I'm back.
Irina Shoushounova
Dear Randall:
It's funny you mention about the teddy bear telling stories!My
soon-to-be(in 3 days) 5 year old really *does* think that toys come
"alive" when he's asleep and is scared of one his older brother's toy
soldiers and is afraid it's going to hurt him and said he doesn't want it
in their room at night!(I guess it didn't help thah he also saw the movies
"Toy Story" and "Small Soldiers" where toys really do come alive when
people aren't around!)It also works to my advantage too:I tell him to be
nice to his toys("Remember what happened to cruel Sid in "Toy Story" who
was mean to his toys...")and makes him more "considerate" of their
"feelings" and to treat them gently.As for the solider,I told him he's a
good guy and will help keep him "safe" from the "monsters" his brother
also told him live under his bed!!
--
******* IRINA SHOUSHOUNOVA bo693 or Lov...@ottawa.com *******
As Christ suffered many attacks, so must he who is following
in His footsteps,for the disciple is not above his master.
********* Home Page:http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~bo693 ********
TaiChiMP
>OTOH, no matter how many times
>a child drops a teddy bear on its head, the >teddy bear will still tell
>wild stories when no one else is around.
LOL! Actually, though, I've got about the coolest Teddy Bear "alive!" He can
beat anyone at poker or Yahtzee. My hubby didn't believe me about this when we
were newly weds. He knows better now. He gets the most priceless look of
consternation when I remind him about it.
TaiChimp