: Topic:
: Hyperacusis and dating: reality or impossibility? Mutually exclusive? Where
: do you all go?
: Discuss to death.
First, I'll let you know I've been married for 14 years and have had
hyperacusis for 7 years of it, some of it was very bad hyperacusis, some
not so bad.
So I'm not fully qualified to answer about the dating scene. But I
do have hyperacusis and I do have to try to relate to the opposite sex
in my own relationship and at work and wherever.
I love my wife, but I must say she's not soft spoken, and that does
get in the way a little bit for both of us. I have since obviously
been more attracted to softer spoken people in general, especially
nice soft spoken women. That doesn't mean I date them, it just means
I'm not dead yet.
I found that there are people of the opposite sex you can find that like a
quiet evening together. I am one such person, and there are many women
who'd rather not go out and do a lot of noisy things. Some like quiet
conversation.
I found a lot of great women who are into quiet peaceful settings at my yoga
class. You can find them at places of worship, alternative health centers,
and bookstores. They are even at work if you can risk that.
If you get to know people who like quiet things as opposed to rat race
events like hockey games, beer festivals, rock concerts, and tourist
trap runarounds, then there's stuff like sports: bicycling, walking,
golf, backpacking, horseback riding which are good for you and not especially
painfully loud. You can even talk to each other and get to know one
another. A movie never did that for me. You can visit botanical gardens,
or a museum, or go to a coffee house. There are even a few quiet
restaurants to eat at, but you will need to know them.
Going places in a car is sometimes too hard as it is. If you can't leave
your own bedroom for the sound of normal everyday life then
you probably ought to try and wait for you to get past the trauma stage
and get better first before venturing out too fast.
There is life after hyperacusis. You'd be surprised how small this problem
will be considered by some people compared to what problems they think
they have. And there are many who will actually find a home body kind of
person who talks softly and lives quietly a hard to find person that
they've been searching for.
Kurt
No need to thank me.
Bruce
Seattle
>x-no-archive: yes
>
>What if the person with H is a single woman, who has had it for years, and not
>expecting it to get better?
>
>And the guy doesn't drink??
>
>:-)
>Susan
>
>
-------------------
One word. All of you women out there
need to study it, become familiar with
it, know it inside and out, and take it
to heart.
It IS the meaning of the universe and
all existence:
Baseball.
Bruce
Seattle
Bruce F. Meyers wrote:
> After that 2nd glass of wine explain that you can't go
> to anywhere noisey, but if they would be so kind you
> would enjoy a stroll along the waterfront. Of course
> by that time the sunset will have begun, and you my
> friend will be home free......
>
> No need to thank me.
>
> Bruce
> Seattle
Ooooooo Bruce you missed your calling.
Time to abandon research and try your hand at advice to the lovelorn or
short shorn or somethin'.
Fess up - how many times have you used this technique?
On second thought maybe you'd better not.
Got your professional image to protect and all.
Ma
Dating may have to take a different direction to avoid painful racket, so you'll
have to be a bit more creative. But hey, that's bound to be interesting for a
change eh?
If i'm dancing or checkin' out a favorite band, i wear heavy duty ear protection,
and when it's time for conversation - pick a quiet place.
Anything's possible.
Ma
Milo7 wrote:
> x-no-archive:yes
>
> Topic:
> Hyperacusis and dating: reality or impossibility? Mutually exclusive? Where
> do you all go?
>
> Discuss to death.
>
> Won't be surprised (or discouraged) if no posts ensue,
> Milo7
> (PS. ANY topic (at this point) beats the endless thread on advertising on ast,
> IMHO.)
Bruce F. Meyers wrote:
One word. All of you women out there
need to study it, become familiar with
it, know it inside and out, and take it
to heart.
It IS the meaning of the universe and
all existence:
Baseball.Bruce
Seattle
Forget what i said earlier about giving
advice
Ma
& the word is hockey
Milo7 wrote:
> x-no-archive:yes
>
> Add to the dilemma of vexing video volume: dining out at restaurants, going to
> friends' parties or houses, cinema movies, etc., etc., etc.
> Yeah, staying in night after night after night (and day after day, etc., for
> that matter) makes meeting someone, or the concept of dating/simple
> socializing, pretty impossible.
>
> Any other ideas or solutions?
>
> Can you see a personal ad for a Hyperacusic? "Fun-loving hermit w/passion for
> silence seeks same. Must be extra-quiet...or at least easy on the ears."
>
> More suggestions or comments from single hyperacusics (I know they DO exist)
> and their experiences, please?
Hey i like the idea of an ad.
I'm always lookin' for a pitiful wreck of a guy who hates clubs, parties, movies,
health food, exercise and dressin' up. If he has a soft Gary Cooper voice i'm
buyin'. Hermits welcome. Must be able to read tho.
Ma
alt.support.tinnitus.hyperacusis.singles.ads
>Next, invite the person of your choice in an upbeat>fashion for a light
dinner, a glass of sparkeling>wine and some fun conversation.
.................. Light dinner?? Fill 'er up with whatever she wants! hors
d'oeuvre's steak, lobster, beef, lots-a-bread, and "death by chocolate" for
dessert! She'll be too full after dinner to ask to go dancing.. !
>Plan the time for an hour before sunset
.......................This is only applicable during summer. During the winter
months plan it so that dessert is being served at the same time that the 9:45
movie is being shown at the nearest theatre.
>Make sure they have a glass during
>dinner and one after.
.....................And by all means if they request that third cocktail
"dont say no!!" :)
>During dinner tell them about your favorite members >of your family.
.................Remember to exclude your ex-wives and/or present wife. This
mistake could cost
you that stoll along the waterfront .
enjoy,
jean
have you tried trt ? maybe trt can help your h and improve your life?
hell, maybe even the likes of nagler and johnson can organise singles trt
sessions,
what ya think yall?
>Subject: Re: Hyperacusis and Dating: Mutually Exclusive?
>From: mi...@aol.com (Milo7)
>Date: 30/06/1998 9:43 Sydney Standard Time
>Message-id: <199806292343...@ladder01.news.aol.com>
Must be able to read tho.
....................................
Yep, sounds like the profile of an AST usenet member to me! Most of them
hate, clubs, parties, movies, health food. But dressin up?? Im not sure about
that one. Guys?-Gals?
You T&H singles are perfect candidates for internet romances. Your dates may
not be picture perfect, but at least they'll be "easy on the ears".
Your soooooo funny Ma. We luv ya!!
jean
alt.support.tinnitus.hyperacusis.want.to.be.single.sometimes.ads
Cheers,
Leonard
{ Please support the American Tinnitus Association: http://www.ata.org }
"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile
can be the source of your joy." --Thich Nhat Hanh 330
You're telling *us*!
Cheers,
Leonard
{ Please support the American Tinnitus Association: http://www.ata.org }
"Many a doctrine is like a window pane. We see truth through it but it
divides us from truth." --Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) 583
This reminds me of an article I read in the Los Angeles Times years ago:
It seems that there was a town in Alaska where the men outnumbered the women by
something like 20 to 1. Anyway, they used to have a yearly festival which
involved a contest in which the women had to do all sorts of household and
cooking tasks to perfection, and the prize was the woman being the man's slave
for a day, or something like that—wish I could remember it accurately.
Thing was, the Times reporter was interviewing some of the men. She asked one,
"What qualities do you like to see in a woman?" The man though a moment and
said, "Well, she has to be able to talk."
Cheers,
Leonard
{ Please support the American Tinnitus Association: http://www.ata.org }
"Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin." --Anatole France
406
Even more important is knowing when to CHANGE your socks and shorts! Ya throw
'em up against the wall and if they STICK, ya CHANGE—need to or not!
>As for trt, been there and done that, and it wasn't effective for me.
..............
I have just completed writing a paper on why TRT might or might not be
effective for hyperacusis.
Please help me here, Milo.
1) Was the TRT conducted by someone personally trained by Jastreboff
or Hazell?
2) How long did you try it before you found it to be ineffective?
3) During the first (crucial for hyperacusis patients) three months,
how many face-to-face and/or telephone contacts did you have with the
person doing your TRT?
Acually, I'll leave these questions as rhetorical, but I'll make a
comment about each.
1) If the person was not Jastreboff or Hazell or someone personally
trained by them, then what ever it was ... it wasn't TRT.
2) If you gave up before 12 full months of treatment, then you have
no way of knowing about its ultimate effectiveness in your case.
3) If you did not have personal and/or telephone access to the person
treating you and if you did not take full advantage of that access on
at least a bi-weekly basis during the first difficult months (again,
for hyperacusis), then it wasn't TRT.
In short, Milo, I believe that you may have experienced some "elements
of TRT," but if it wasn't the "full court press" then you can't blame
the loss on a poor game plan.
The more patients with severe hyperacusis I see, the more impressed I
am with TRT for hyperacusis. In fact, in contradistinction to TRT for
tinnitus, TRT for hyperacusis represents in many cases a true cure
rather than a treatment. (I discuss this particular phenomenon in my
paper as well; when it's up on my web site, I'll let y'all know!)
stephen nagler
Stephen M. Nagler, MD, FACS
Director
Southeastern Comprehensive Tinnitus Clinic
Atlanta, Georgia
(404) 531-3979
www.tinn.com
Single white female, 48, always wearing earplugs, seeks music lover
(m) with head phones or other prothesis.
Please write to POB 1039, Enschede, The Netherlands
>in chats, on newsgroups is the easy part; it's the followup real-life meetings
>and dating scenarios that pose the big problem in H-land. That is the issue.
>As for trt, been there and done that, and it wasn't effective for me.
>
>Any more practical, realistic advice?
I can only tell you what I did: I gave up dating, and I gave up 90% of
my social life, too. This was not because of H in the first place, but
because of CFS. However, being oversensitive to all kind of stimuli,
of which noise is the most important one, is my main problem in having
people around, travelling, and so on. Maybe there is a solution if one
has 'only' H, but I could not think of one.
Thanks to computer technology I now have a 'virtual' social life!
Baukje
>am with TRT for hyperacusis. In fact, in contradistinction to TRT for
>tinnitus, TRT for hyperacusis represents in many cases a true cure
I am sure it does, because I think that in many cases H is a kind of
distortion (dysregulation) in the functioning of the nervous system,
which can be restored by training.
I don't know if I asked you before, but are you acquainted with
'graded exercise therapy' as it is developed by Dr. White (and others,
I suppose) in London? They treat CFS patients whith severe
oversensitivity to noise and other stimuli. I once saw a documentary
about it on BBC television and I was very impressed.
Baukje
So my question is, why did I marry the loud, vivacious, sports-loving-living
fanatic who recently said he was getting a little bit tired of this "noise
thing"?
Who knows!
Marly
>x-no-archive:yes
>
>Would like to keep my med history more or less private, but for the record, I
>did meet w/Dr. J in Baltimore, went through TRT system.
>
>Suffice it to say, my H, (being of bacteriologic etiology/origin), was
>somehow exacerbated. Will leave it at that.
>
>I am sorry, Dr. N, but I do not believe that TRT is a cureall for every case of
>H.
>
.............
And I agree with you Milo. (No need to be sorry!) In fact, when T
and/or H are related to ongoing bacteriologic phenomena - as you
observe above - the results are not as good. I appreciate your
raising this point, which I inadvertently overlooked.
nagler
> been there done that? how long did you do TRT and did you do it
>right, with most people the White noise generators ends up in there
>desks after a several months. its not easy! You have to be persistent
..............
A few points.
First of all, this is a hyperacusis/dating thread. I picked up on a
trt point, and got a bit lost regarding topic. If we wish to discuss
trt and hyperacusis, it might be better if we started another thread.
Secondly (to address your point), I'm satisfied that Milo did, indeed,
do TRT right, but it did not work for Milo's hyperacusis because of
other factors beyond Milo's control as noted elsewhere in this thread.
nagler
Oh right, give him a scolding! I have a large suspicion that he did it right...
Cheers,
Leonard
{ Please support the American Tinnitus Association: http://www.ata.org }
"The road to success is always under construction." --Anon. 573
you have no idea how happy that statement made me feel
Chopdy
>Just a quick note here about using TRT for hyperacusis. I have not been able
>to find a doctor or audilogiste to explain why I have distortion to go along
>with my H. The closest TRT clinic also says that TRT will not treat the
>distortion. However I now think that the distortion does not actually worsen
>when the H and T increase in intensity. I do think that the "gain", as I
>think of it, gets turned up when ever I encounter the right noise levels in
>the bad ear. If I could just prevent the bad ear from amplifying the
>distortion I could live my life a LOT more comfortably.
>
>Dave Krawchuk
>Member: American Tinnitus Assoc., Hyperacusis Network, Vestibular Disorders
>Assoc.
.............................
Mr. Krawchuk -
I think part of the answer may lie in the character of the distortion,
but I'm treading on thin ice here. My suggestion would be for you to
describe the situation in three or four sentences to Dr. Jastreboff
directly via personal e-mail, and get his take on it. Then YOU can
enlighten the rest of us! I suggest just a few sentences, because
straightforward questions tend to get the quickest most
straightrforward answers! I will e-mail you Dr. Jastreboff's personal
e-mail address.
stephen nagler
> The more patients with severe hyperacusis I see, the more impressed I
> am with TRT for hyperacusis. In fact, in contradistinction to TRT for
> tinnitus, TRT for hyperacusis represents in many cases a true cure
> rather than a treatment. (I discuss this particular phenomenon in my
> paper as well; when it's up on my web site, I'll let y'all know!)
Hi Dr. Nagler,
Just a quick note here about using TRT for hyperacusis. I have not been able
to find a doctor or audilogiste to explain why I have distortion to go along
with my H. The closest TRT clinic also says that TRT will not treat the
distortion. However I now think that the distortion does not actually worsen
when the H and T increase in intensity. I do think that the "gain", as I
think of it, gets turned up when ever I encounter the right noise levels in
the bad ear. If I could just prevent the bad ear from amplifying the
distortion I could live my life a LOT more comfortably.
Dave Krawchuk
Member: American Tinnitus Assoc., Hyperacusis Network, Vestibular Disorders
Assoc.
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
Maybe:
1. Because a loud, vivacious, sports-loving-living fanatic can be
fascinating?
2. Because you love him?
3. Because he loves you?
4. Because the convertible owner, too, possibly would have got tired
of this 'noise thing' after a while? (Don't know what a convertible
is, but never mind.)
4. Because everyone needs to have some sweet memories for the moments
in which marriage seems a bit disappointing?
5. ...
6. ...
Bye!
Baukje
Seems you misunderstood my message. I was not referring to TRT here.
Never mind, but what I meant was this:
Maybe there is a solution for the dating problem of people who are
suffering from hyperacusis only (although I can't think of one). But
I certainly don't see a solution for (the dating problem of) someone
like me, as I am not only suffering from hyperacusis but from CFS in
the first place.
Got it?
Regarding TRT: there is no TRT in the Netherlands up till now, but
maybe within a couple of months I take up some experimental treatment
which is called sensory integration. So maybe I will have some news
for ast, then.
Bye!
Baukje
On Tue, 30 Jun 1998 22:06:16 GMT, Now...@Nowhere.com (Nowhere) wrote:
>>I can only tell you what I did: I gave up dating, and I gave up 90% of
>>my social life, too. This was not because of H in the first place, but
>>because of CFS. However, being oversensitive to all kind of stimuli,
>>of which noise is the most important one, is my main problem in having
>>people around, travelling, and so on. Maybe there is a solution if one
>>has 'only' H, but I could not think of one.
>>
>>Thanks to computer technology I now have a 'virtual' social life!
>>
>>Baukje
> been there done that? how long did you do TRT and did you do it
>Please dont say that TRT is a cure cuz it is not!!!
.............
In many cases TRT can cure hyperacusis. **There, I said it!** It
cures no tinnitus, but it is often a very effective treatment for
tinnitus. Hyperacusis is another story, though. So before you ask me
not to say something, Nowhere, you might request a bit more
information. As I noted previously, that information will appear in
an article I just wrote on this very topic. I will let ast know when
the article gets up on my web site - probably within the next couple
of weeks.
nagler
nagler
: .............
: nagler
You got my attention.
Kurt
(A guy with hyperacusis and getting ready to start TRT)
>: nagler
For the record, acupuncture "cured" my hyperacusis. Not the tinnitus of
course, but whereas I had hyperacusis for several months straight, I only get
periodic "attacks" now. And very infrequently at that.
And also for the record, in trying to figure out why none of the utility bills
have been paid lately, I realized I'd spent over $600 on acupuncture in the
last two months.
Now if I can just figure out how to keep them from turning off the gas and
water.....
Marly (who is holding off on the acupuncture for now)
> Mr. Krawchuk -
>
> I think part of the answer may lie in the character of the distortion,
> but I'm treading on thin ice here. My suggestion would be for you to
> describe the situation in three or four sentences to Dr. Jastreboff
> directly via personal e-mail, and get his take on it. Then YOU can
> enlighten the rest of us! I suggest just a few sentences, because
> straightforward questions tend to get the quickest most
> straightrforward answers! I will e-mail you Dr. Jastreboff's personal
> e-mail address.
>
> stephen nagler
>
I will send out an e-mail promptly and let you know what Dr. Jastreboff says.
Thank you!
Dave Krawchuk
I don't think anyone on this ng would say that.
And please, let's not get into *another* brouhaha about it!
Cheers,
Leonard
{ Please support the American Tinnitus Association: http://www.ata.org }
"My ambition is to be able to afford to spend what I'm spending." --Henny
Youngman 270
>For the record, acupuncture "cured" my hyperacusis. Not the tinnitus of
>course, but whereas I had hyperacusis for several months straight, I only get
>periodic "attacks" now. And very infrequently at that.
-------------------
That is so great, Marly. Good for you : )
------------------------
>And also for the record, in trying to figure out why none of the utility bills
>have been paid lately, I realized I'd spent over $600 on acupuncture in the
>last two months.
>Now if I can just figure out how to keep them from turning off the gas and
>water.....
>Marly (who is holding off on the acupuncture for now)
---------------------
Sounds to me like liverfire due to gall-bladder/wallet drain.
Chi whiz ........ :o)
Bruce
Seattle
>
>In many cases TRT can cure hyperacusis. **There, I said it!** (snip)
>
>nagler
>
---------------------
That's a bold claim, Doctor.......
I love that in a sawbones.
Promising news for the hyperacusis crowd.
Bruce : )
Seattle
>I love that in a sawbones.
'Sawbones' is not in my English-Dutch dictionary. Could you please
explain?
Thanks,
Baukje
-------------------
Hi Baukje, 'sawbones' is an American slang term for 'doctor'
which combine the English words of 'saw' and 'bones'. I think
it came from the military during the American Civil War as
doctors seemed to spend most of their efforts sawing off damaged
limbs with handsaws.
This is also my chance to say how much I have enjoyed your
contributions to ast, Baukje.
Best;
Bruce
Seattle
That's an old term for "surgeon." They had plenty of that stuff to do during
the Civil War (come to think of it, Civil War is one of the ultimate oxymorons)
what with sawing arms and legs off, etc.
Cheers,
Leonard
{ Please support the American Tinnitus Association: http://www.ata.org }
"The right to be let alone is the most comprehensive of rights and the right
most valued by civilized man." --Justice Louis D. Brandeis 53
>Hi Baukje, 'sawbones' is an American slang term for 'doctor'
>which combine the English words of 'saw' and 'bones'. I think
>it came from the military during the American Civil War as
>doctors seemed to spend most of their efforts sawing off damaged
>limbs with handsaws.
Like in Dances with wolves... or was that another war?
>This is also my chance to say how much I have enjoyed your
>contributions to ast, Baukje.
Thanks, Bruce! I always read yours.
Baukje
Cheers,
Leonard
{ Please support the American Tinnitus Association: http://www.ata.org }
"Complete possession is proved only by giving. All you are unable to give
possesses you." --Andre Gide 605