Time to start again...
James Patterson
off the wagon for the last few weeks.
I originally quit a little over 7 months ago. At the time I was going
through a divorce and had alot of stress at work. I had the mindset that
something was going to go right in my life and decided to quit and really
start to push myself physically. At the 6 month mark, I completed my
first marathon. I felt great, being in the best shape of my life and
finally having the smoking habit kicked. I felt really proud of my self
not smoking for over 6 months.
What puzzles me is what happend in the last month. Somehow my attitued of
"never smoking again" went up in smoke. My life suddenly became "calm"
with my divorce being final and my big project being completed for work. I
can quit during the most stressful time of my life! Why am I smoking now
that everything is CALM?
I was with some friends who smoke and got the attituede that I could handle
just smoking one cigarette and bummed one from my friend. I didn't smoke
again for several days after that. It makes it hard for me having an
office mate that is a pack a month smoker and never has a craving.
I don't think i became re-addicted by that one cigarette, but it did
something ALOT worse. It gave me the confidence that I could handle being a
occasional smoker, and a few days later I bought a pack. Over the past few
weeks I have smoked a couple of packs and feel I am once again craving
nicotine It completely blew my entire rock hard attituded of not ever
smoking again. I desperately need to get that attitude back.
I haven't fallen back to my old pack a day habit, more like a pack a week.
No one knows I started smoking again, except my girlfriend. She can tell if
I had a cigarette 24 hour later just from my breath. When I do smoke it
is like binge smoking. I smoke half a pack in an evening and then don't
touch them for a few days. I can go for days without touching a cigarette,
but feel like I am almost constantly craving. I now carefully plan and
look forward to my next time I can smoke, sometimes several days out.
This may sound really weird but I get a knot in my stomach, like excitement
when I know I am going to be able to have one. A calming rush comes over
me about 1 minute after I finish it. After I go for days without smoking,
its doesn't seem like I am craving a cigarette, but its seems more like I
feel I "earned" and entitled to having one by not smoking for several days.
After I have one, the cravings kick in and I start my binge smoking for the
evening.
I won't allow myself to fall back to my old habit, and seem to have the will
power to be an occasional smoker, but it is a living hell constantly
craving.
What I can't figure out is why am I putting myself through this? I felt
great as a non-smoker... That is really where I want to be. I tried being
an occasional smoker and its not an option. So, my new quit starts in the
morning...
Ian Rastall
> I tried being an occasional smoker and its not an option. So, my new
> quit starts in the morning...
Good luck, James. I hope that you get it done this time.
Ian
--
I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
and that necessary. (Margaret Atwood)
Bruce Watson
James Patterson <jp...@yahoo.net> wrote:
>
>I was with some friends who smoke and got the attituede that I could handle
>just smoking one cigarette and bummed one from my friend.
You'll hear it here many, many times:
Not one.
Not even one.
Mark Earnest
"James Patterson" <jp...@yahoo.net> wrote in message
news:he9uq2$7a4$2...@news.eternal-september.org...
> Its been a little while since I posted. I feel a little ashamed as I fell
> off the wagon for the last few weeks.
>
> I originally quit a little over 7 months ago. At the time I was going
> through a divorce and had alot of stress at work. I had the mindset that
> something was going to go right in my life and decided to quit and really
> start to push myself physically. At the 6 month mark, I completed my
> first marathon. I felt great, being in the best shape of my life and
> finally having the smoking habit kicked. I felt really proud of my self
> not smoking for over 6 months.
>
> What puzzles me is what happend in the last month. Somehow my attitued of
> "never smoking again" went up in smoke. My life suddenly became "calm"
> with my divorce being final and my big project being completed for work.
> I
> can quit during the most stressful time of my life! Why am I smoking now
> that everything is CALM?
A man's got to do what he makes up his inclination to do.
Try again, James, this happens to the very best of us sometimes.
Mark
tof
DavidL
You're suffering from a form of insanity.
You will have to use someone else's judgement regarding cigarettes.
Starting tomorrow morning, you must get permission from AZ, Flatiron
Mike and Jef. before you light a cigarette.
PolarBear
>
> - Show quoted text -
am I glad that doesn't apply to me, cause they will never ever give
there permission. :)
HappyPolarBear
PolarBear
> smoking again. I desperately need to get that attitude back.
>
Now, that you know, experienced that there is never one you can get
your attitude of "I never smoke again" back. Just remind yourslef of
how good it felt to be a non smoker.
>> tried being > an occasional smoker and its not an option. So, my new quit starts in the
> morning...
I don't think ther is such a thing as a noccasional smoker I knew a
friend who just used to smoke once in a while but evventually ended up
as an addict. Don't do this to yourself. Is torture. I think its
easier to quit smoking than having to count the hours/ days until you
can have your next smoke.
All the best for your quit. You can do it.
HappyPolarBear
Sue
wrote:
As you now know, that "occasional cigarette" thing is no way to live.
I tried that once and all I could think of was the next smoke. It was
miserable and so was I.
Welcome back. Remember, there really is no such thing as just one
even if you can handle just that one.
Sue
FlatIronMike
the so-called Quit before this *real* one I have had for over 2-3/4
years now. I would allow myself 'just one for special occasions' and
I found myself bumming more and more sickerettes from my smoking BF of
that time until I bought my own pack. I smoked another year or so
before getting real with myself, admitting I AM powerless over
sickerettes and got back here and am still very involved with the NG.
As I always am wont to write, do wade back through the FAQs which are
kept at www.quitbuddies.org as there is a lot of good information
there on how to get and stay smober. Also read through the page on
Junkie Thinking and maybe print it out so you can look at it daily
until it sinks into your bones. There is no Just One out there for us
addicts and the sooner you accept that the easier it is to just say
NOOO when a crave or idle thought of smoking wafts through your mind.
You have run a marathon so you know how important good breathing is
for your body and how much smoking just fucks that up to say the
least. Do come back and read and post as much as you need to get re-
focused and re-started. You *CAN* do this!
FlatironMike
Two years, nine months, one week, four days, 5 hours, 11 minutes and 8
seconds. 20304 cigarettes not smoked, saving $6,091.30. Life saved: 10
weeks, 12 hours, 0 minutes.