Drug test your teen?
Merrie
Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause? Anyone
using it as a threat?
Some comfortable doing this after discovering their child is using?
After discovering their child's close friend is using? After repeated
discoveries? Once it turns into a major problem?
I'm looking for everyone's feedback.
TIA
Merrie
jane lawrence
A hot-button issue for me.
If you don't know whether your kid is doing drugs, then you're
not spending enough time with her. How the hell can you *not*
know?
For me, drug tests are the equivalent of telling your kid, "I
will pay lip service to parenting you, but I'm not willing to
make the effort to find out what is going on in your life."
jane
Nikki Murphy
If I think they've got an addictive personality yes.
If I don't think they've got an addictive personality then maybe under some
circumstances.
Mainly - what drug? Pot? Nah. Heroin? Yes. Coke? Acid? Yes. Ecstasy? Maybe.
Wouldn't do it without reasonable cause (ie suspicion of actual drug use
rather than just one of their friends doing it)
After discovering my child using? Once again - serious drugs yes I would.
Others, no I wouldn't.
Repeated discoveries? Would be pissing in a can every night for a test.
Just MHO
N
lilblakdog
news:xbB_3.115$Tc2....@typhoon-sf.snfc21.pbi.net...
> Would you or wouldn't you?
This reminds me a little too much of Carol O'Connor's commercial about
getting in between your child and drugs any way you can, if you want them to
live. Has anybody seen that? It was from several years ago...always made
my skin crawl.
I hate to say it, but I probably would. *If* I thought there was a real
problem (luckily--or unluckily, depending on how you look at it--I have a
lot of experience in that area).
Of course, I would like to think that I'll be able to teach my children that
there's more to life than that. Or that I'd have the kind of relationship
with them where I wouldn't *have* to resort to medical testing. That's not
putting anybody down who falls into that catagory, but I think we all hope
that our children manage to become complete adults without falling along the
way.
The bottom line is, you do whatever it takes. If I tested them once and it
was negative, I'd feel pretty shitty and probably be inclined to let my
suspicions slide a bit. But if I really believed there was a major problem,
I'd be right in there again.
Which is kind of hypocritical, actually, 'cause ask me how I'd feel about
them drinking...
lil
--
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend...and inside of a
dog, it's too dark to read."
Merrie
Nikki Murphy <ni...@impactwp.com> wrote in message
news:383AE23C...@impactwp.com...
> Depends.
>
> If I think they've got an addictive personality yes.
>
> If I don't think they've got an addictive personality then maybe under
some
> circumstances.
>
> Mainly - what drug? Pot? Nah. Heroin? Yes. Coke? Acid? Yes. Ecstasy?
Maybe.
>
Why not pot? Alcohol? Over the counters?
> Wouldn't do it without reasonable cause (ie suspicion of actual drug use
> rather than just one of their friends doing it)
Can you define suspicion? Strange behavior? Red eyes? Runny nose?
>
> After discovering my child using? Once again - serious drugs yes I would.
> Others, no I wouldn't.
>
> Repeated discoveries? Would be pissing in a can every night for a test.
With DH watching him hit the can?
>
> Just MHO
> N
>
> Merrie wrote:
>
> > Would you or wouldn't you?
> >
Merrie
People or kids can do their drugs all day long while at work or
school, and then be perfectly normal when they get home. Grades and work
performance may reflect this - and they may not. Maybe, eventually, if it
turns into a large enough problem it gets discovered. But by then it's a
giant Baobab.
Before you actually know - you suspect. Do you inquire? Spy? Deny all
opportunity? or seek confirmation with a test?
Merrie
jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com> wrote in message
news:383B8A30...@excite.com...
> Merrie wrote:
> >
> > Would you or wouldn't you?
> >
> > Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause? Anyone
> > using it as a threat?
> >
> > Some comfortable doing this after discovering their child is using?
> > After discovering their child's close friend is using? After repeated
> > discoveries? Once it turns into a major problem?
> >
> > I'm looking for everyone's feedback.
> >
> > TIA
> > Merrie
>
Merrie
lilblakdog <lbdcre...@dog.com> wrote in message
news:0oB_3.8533$MM.3...@newscontent-01.sprint.ca...
>
> getting in between your child and drugs any way you can, if you want them
to
> live. Has anybody seen that? It was from several years ago...always made
> my skin crawl.
>
Boxed in by Archie.
> I hate to say it, but I probably would. *If* I thought there was a real
> problem (luckily--or unluckily, depending on how you look at it--I have a
> lot of experience in that area).
>
> Of course, I would like to think that I'll be able to teach my children
that
> there's more to life than that. Or that I'd have the kind of relationship
> with them where I wouldn't *have* to resort to medical testing. That's
not
> putting anybody down who falls into that catagory, but I think we all hope
> that our children manage to become complete adults without falling along
the
> way.
>
> The bottom line is, you do whatever it takes. If I tested them once and
it
> was negative, I'd feel pretty shitty and probably be inclined to let my
> suspicions slide a bit. But if I really believed there was a major
problem,
> I'd be right in there again.
>
> Which is kind of hypocritical, actually, 'cause ask me how I'd feel about
> them drinking...
>
I will. I'd venture forth my guess - but would rather you went first.
In light of the episode with your cousin, I'm not entirely sure of your
sentiments.
Tracey
>not spending enough time with her. How the hell can you *not*
>know?
Ouch, jane. I have to say that I think *I* will be able to tell if
my kids ever start doing drugs consistently (experimentation,
I'm not sure), but I think my husband will not and I think it's
because of our differing pasts. Hubby *never* tried 'em, I,
uhm, was involved in the lifestyle, yes. The signs will be clearer
quicker for me than for him.
As for how the hell can you *not* know, quite easily for a lot
of people, I think. I remember when we went for my oldest
SS's graduation and someone pulled up to pick him up, he
stopped off at his car for a second and put something down
in the waistband of his pants, left, was back about 15-20
minutes later, with red eyes, *I* knew what he was off doing,
DH didn't and said, later, I must have been mistaken. Now,
I don't know whether was just denial or just not understanding
what he was seeing.
--
Tracey
--
In dog years.....I'd be dead.
lilblakdog
> I will. I'd venture forth my guess - but would rather you went first.
> In light of the episode with your cousin, I'm not entirely sure of your
> sentiments.
I honestly don't see alcohol as a big deal. I mean, I *know* it is and I
*know* it can be just as harmful--if not more so--than any other drug. But
I have a hard time seeing it that way. My whole family drank (and drinks),
to a certain extent. I grew up around it. It was the catalyst for all
social interaction.
It's like a very good friend that I have. She's Danish and her family
belongs to a Danish club in Hamilton, Ontario. During dinner a guy stands
by your table with a bottle of schnapps. When your glass is empty, he fills
it. Drinking with dinner (before dinner...after dinner) is as natural to
them as wine is to the French or Italians. Alcohol has just always been a
part of my life.
I've had two very ugly drunken scenes. And I regret them terribly--they
were awful and I hated them. And I try very hard to understand my limits
and keep those out of the picture as much as possible because it's bad
enough having to relive them in my head. But considering how many nights
have been spent drinking, those two seem pretty remarkable.
I just have it in my mind that there's such a thing as responsible drinking
and that you don't have to be an adult to know and respect that.
Responsible drug use is kind of an oxymoron, though...it's bumping off your
brain cells even as you're thinking, "Well, I'm safe in my home and I'm not
going anywhere and it's just a little bit of pot...."
Yeah, the amount of alcohol I've consumed over the years has probably taken
its toll on my liver. But even scarier to me is that the pain killers I've
taken over the years--regular drug store pain killers, for simple migraines
that I come by naturally--have probably been even worse for it.
I know I make no sense...but that's just how my brain registers the whole
thing.
Someone
immediately up to suspected drug use unless there were other indications.
Decline in grades? Change of group of friends? Spending lots of time
alone/locked in bedroom? Moodier than usual? Defensive about things that
weren't issues in the past?
Merrie <mer...@svn.net> wrote in article
<eUB_3.194$Tc2....@typhoon-sf.snfc21.pbi.net>...
: I've got more questions!
:
: Nikki Murphy <ni...@impactwp.com> wrote in message
: news:383AE23C...@impactwp.com...
: > Depends.
: >
: > If I think they've got an addictive personality yes.
: >
: > If I don't think they've got an addictive personality then maybe under
: some
: > circumstances.
: >
: > Mainly - what drug? Pot? Nah. Heroin? Yes. Coke? Acid? Yes. Ecstasy?
: Maybe.
: >
: Why not pot? Alcohol? Over the counters?
:
: > Wouldn't do it without reasonable cause (ie suspicion of actual drug
use
: > rather than just one of their friends doing it)
:
: Can you define suspicion? Strange behavior? Red eyes? Runny nose?
: >
: > After discovering my child using? Once again - serious drugs yes I
would.
: > Others, no I wouldn't.
: >
: > Repeated discoveries? Would be pissing in a can every night for a test.
:
: With DH watching him hit the can?
:
: >
: > Just MHO
: > N
: >
: > Merrie wrote:
: >
: > > Would you or wouldn't you?
: > >
: > > Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause?
: >
:
:
:
Jennaii
1. The owner of the company I work for. His son works there too part-time in
the summer. His wife (the kids stepmother) has made him go in for drug-screens
several times. He has failed them every time. (He told me this himself with a
sheepish grin).
2. One of the gals who works with me suspected her daughter of doing drugs.
She wouldn't search her room or her belongings because she "trusts her
daughter". When she *asked* the daughter if she did drugs the answer was
always NO (duhhhhh).
Then Daughter had a car wreck and they tested her... they found drugs. But she
said she quit and Mom believed her. Then a few months later she got thrown in
juvie hall for something and they tested her again... found drugs again...
I guess my point here is that kids aren't gonna come out and admit it cuz you
ASK them (DUHHHHH!!!!)
Would I do it personally? I dunno... I think it would depend on the situation.
>Would you or wouldn't you?
>
> Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause? Anyone
>using it as a threat?
>
"This time: gonna do it RIGHT!" -- Bob Seger
Jennaii
jane lawrence
>
> This seems so rational - but not very pragmatic.
>
> People or kids can do their drugs all day long while at work or
> school, and then be perfectly normal when they get home.
Not in my experience. In fact, if you know where to get drugs
like that, I want some.
> Grades and work
> performance may reflect this - and they may not. Maybe, eventually, if it
> turns into a large enough problem it gets discovered. But by then it's a
> giant Baobab.
I must not have made myself clear. If you figure out your kid
is doing drugs by their grades dropping or their eyes turning
red, then you've already missed the boat. Kids don't do drugs
in a vacuum. There are reasons, and as a parent, you should be
aware of those reasons. You're supposed to handle this stuff
before it gets out of hand. If your kid's life is at a point
where she is turning to drugs, then you're playing catch-up.
>
> Before you actually know - you suspect. Do you inquire? Spy? Deny all
> opportunity? or seek confirmation with a test?
IMHO, you can't parent without trust.
jane
P.S. Incidentally, I think I feel approximately the same way
about pot that lil feels about alcohol. I don't see smoking pot
as an unreasonable choice for an adult. That may be because
it's never held any allure for me.
>
> Merrie
>
> jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com> wrote in message
> news:383B8A30...@excite.com...
> > Merrie wrote:
> > >
> > > Would you or wouldn't you?
> > >
> > > Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause? Anyone
> > > using it as a threat?
> > >
> > > Some comfortable doing this after discovering their child is using?
> > > After discovering their child's close friend is using? After repeated
> > > discoveries? Once it turns into a major problem?
> > >
> > > I'm looking for everyone's feedback.
> > >
> > > TIA
> > > Merrie
> >
> > A hot-button issue for me.
> >
> > If you don't know whether your kid is doing drugs, then you're
> > not spending enough time with her. How the hell can you *not*
> > know?
> >
Yvette Campbell
Heavy drug users who are hiding their habit often use underhanded tactics to
hide their addiction. You will need to use underhanded tactics to discover
any addiction.
It makes no difference whether SS is an A-grade student, altar boy and
all-round-good-guy. These less likely types are often the most difficult to
help, not being discovered until their addiction has a
strong enough hold on them to make them give themselves away through other
actions.
I disagree with Jane (for once!) about drug testing - needing to resort to
testing does *not* make you a bad parent IMO - trust is a two-way street,
and if a child is using and hiding the fact, then you will need to abandon
your side of that dead contract as well...I think it is important for a
parent to read between the lines to see the truth when their child deceives
them - and that parents are failing in their duty if they keep blindly
trusting their kids when they know damn well that something is up.
If your suspect has a drug habit, s/he needs money, and lots of it. Watch
for things disappearing around your home (that s/he may have taken to sell).
Does s/he have a savings account or a well-paying regular job? Or a
parent/friend to bankroll their habit?
The underhanded things you can do, which I mentioned before: a thorough
search of their room and their school bag for syringes etc. Or try getting
them into your GP or school nurse/doctor on the pretext of having an updated
tetanus shot, but organising beforehand for them to draw blood/take urine
for testing for drugs (really sneaky, but one way of getting undeniable
evidence.) Perhaps a sports coach could arrange this if s/he plays a regular
sport. Ask around their friends. Often the drugs are offered at parties,
and new users get hooked from that time - new users usually use in social
groups rather than alone...
Of course, there are the other more obvious signs of use you could spot.
Look at arms, thighs etc. to observe needle pricks. Look at eyes for
dilated pupils, consistently bloodshot. Continual sniffing or snorting.
Check with his school re. his grades and attendance patterns. Infrequent
sleep - "buzzing" or apparently hyperactive all the time.
I pray that you have the courage to do whatever you feel you have to do to
help.
Yvette
Kallynn1
>
If I had reason to believe that my child was wrapped up in drugs, yes.
> Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause?
No. Without reasonable cause I couldn't do it. I think that I would only make
them do a drug test if I knew for a fact that they were actually doing drugs
>Anyone
>using it as a threat?
I haven't used it as a threat but I have nonchallantly mentioned to my children
that if they ever did drugs that there was a test at the hospital that would
tell me if they had and exactly what kind they did.
> Some comfortable doing this after discovering their child is using?
yes, if I knew they were using.
>After discovering their child's close friend is using? no, I would have to
trust my childs judgment until otherwise proven but i would keep an eye out for
changes, etc.
After repeated
>discoveries?
I think that if it became a problem with several incidents, I would probably
have them admitted to rehap depending on the circumstance and the substance.
>Once it turns into a major problem. definately rehab
Melissa J. Ryan
>not spending enough time with her. How the hell can you *not*
>know?
>
My mother was a SAHM who spent most of the day with me and she didn't know.
Some of us were very good at hiding our addictions.
Love,
Melissa
ICQ# 30417882
It's not talk of God or the decade ahead that allows you to get through the
worst.
It's "I do" and "you do" and "nobody said that" and "Who brought the subject up
first?"
-Stephen Sondheim
Merrie
The board seemed rather quiet and I'd been thinking about this and threw it
out for discussion.
I am there though. Drug use is a concern with regards to teens. I'm
thinking younger SS is at that age. He is of a nature to be experimental.
He rides his bike home from school in the cold. His eyes are a little woozy
looking. He's acting a little silly. All his behavior (grades, friends,
attitude) is in normal range... and he doesn't have the means for
establishing a drug habit.
Most posters seem to be making a distinction between experimentation and
addiction. I'm not entirely sure where intervention plays in. If I could
see the future and it's addiction on the horizon - then of course, I'd want
to step in while it still is just experimentation.
Honestly though, I'm not too happy with experimentation either... the
consequences of screwing up can be lifelong.
I think I agree with you about trust being a two-way street. If a teen
breaks that trust - then it's apparent that you didn't have that trust to
begin with.
I have heard that teens are going to challenge/test/exceed any
guidelines given and that it's best to give very narrow guidelines, on the
grounds that the testing of them will fall closer to that range than to the
outside of a wider set.
I'm thinking that I should be laying down some guidelines with some
consequences. Which may or may not include testing.
Merrie
Yvette Campbell <y...@somewhere.com> wrote in message
news:KIP_3.946$x4....@newsfeeds.bigpond.com...
> >> > If you don't know whether your kid is doing drugs, then you're
> >> > not spending enough time with her. How the hell can you *not*
> >> > know?
> >> >
Kevin
says...
> Most posters seem to be making a distinction between experimentation and
> addiction. I'm not entirely sure where intervention plays in. If I could
> see the future and it's addiction on the horizon - then of course, I'd want
> to step in while it still is just experimentation.
>
>
is not being addressed in other ways - that is, you first of all have to
have the type of experiences and past STUFF that would lead you to turn
to a substance (or an action, like compulsive gambling, food, shopping,
sex, ) in order to block the painful feelings. Then when the addiction
has really taken hold is when you use it to block the pain of being in an
addiction and your life is a mess . . . you can't keep *anything*
together.
Kevin
--
Be nice to me. I might be your Secret Snowflake.
lilblakdog
news:MPG.12a67ba99...@news.cwcom.net...
> Addiction I gather is where it's become a source of solace for pain that
> is not being addressed in other ways - that is, you first of all have to
> have the type of experiences and past STUFF that would lead you to turn
> to a substance (or an action, like compulsive gambling, food, shopping,
> sex, ) in order to block the painful feelings. Then when the addiction
> has really taken hold is when you use it to block the pain of being in an
> addiction and your life is a mess . . . you can't keep *anything*
> together.
Well, I may agree with this to a point. Sure, it's probably the case for
some people. I know it isn't for others.
Not everything is a reaction to something from the past. Sometimes a cigar
*is* just a cigar. Sometimes something just seems like it would be cool to
try. If you were right and it is cool, you may continue. Something doesn't
*have* to be horrible for something else to be better.
Take acid. Now I must admit that I've never taken it, but I've always
thought that it would be cool to try. If I were absolutely guaranteed of no
repercussions, I'd be the first one in line. If the stories are true, music
is more beautiful, colours more vibrant and emotions more strong.
Everything that's beautiful in the world is a hundred times more beautiful.
Who wouldn't think that's cool???
This has nothing to do with anything from my past. It has to do with my
interest in the theory of expanding your mind.
Kevin
says...
trying something is not at all "addiction" unless it is being used in
this way. It makes for an interesting and problematic recovery when the
choice of addiction is something that actually has a normal rlationship
to the needs of being alive - like food, sex and . . . er . . . shopping
: )
Merrie
still bumping off brain cells. You're still interacting with others and
affecting others.
I think I can agree that there is such a thing as responsible drinking.
(I don't really see the purpose in that though. It certainly isn't a
*required* catalyst for interaction.) I think we disagree in that I think a
person in our culture, does need to be an adult to know and respect that.
I'm also not exactly sure why that is either, but I've got the impression
that teens/young adults do not handle alcohol responsibly.
Merrie
Given my past experiences - I find it difficult to see alcohol as
anything but harmful.
lilblakdog <lbdcre...@dog.com> wrote in message
news:vMC_3.8573$MM.3...@newscontent-01.sprint.ca...
Merrie
I'd like to think I'm objective enough, but fear I'm not aware enough to
know when someone has been using. I'm easily duped.
You know, in thinking about it, your step-son's situation seems rather
blatant. I think I could see what that was all about. What I can't
understand is why would your SS be so obvious? Was this a gauntlet thrown
down?
M
Tracey <rbra...@mediaone.net> wrote in message
news:383AF23A...@mediaone.net...
> >If you don't know whether your kid is doing drugs, then you're
> >not spending enough time with her. How the hell can you *not*
> >know?
>
Merrie
a constructive approach to handling these two young persons problems. While
it may give a concrete yes or no to the question, it in of itself does
nothing.
I guess if you don't have communication based on real trust - you still
need to get a valid answer.
What would be your given situation where you would test?
Merrie
Jennaii <jen...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991123192944...@ng-fe1.aol.com...
> I have had 2 experiences with parents who drug screened their kids:
> 1. The owner of the company I work for. His son works there too part-time
in
> the summer. His wife (the kids stepmother) has made him go in for
drug-screens
> several times. He has failed them every time. (He told me this himself
with a
> sheepish grin).
> 2. One of the gals who works with me suspected her daughter of doing
drugs.
> She wouldn't search her room or her belongings because she "trusts her
> daughter". When she *asked* the daughter if she did drugs the answer was
> always NO (duhhhhh).
> Then Daughter had a car wreck and they tested her... they found drugs.
But she
> said she quit and Mom believed her. Then a few months later she got
thrown in
> juvie hall for something and they tested her again... found drugs again...
> I guess my point here is that kids aren't gonna come out and admit it cuz
you
> ASK them (DUHHHHH!!!!)
> Would I do it personally? I dunno... I think it would depend on the
situation.
>
> >Would you or wouldn't you?
> >
> > Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause? Anyone
> >using it as a threat?
> >
>
>
lilblakdog
> I think I can agree that there is such a thing as responsible
drinking.
> (I don't really see the purpose in that though. It certainly isn't a
> *required* catalyst for interaction.)
Um...depends on who you're talking about, actually. There are very, very
few people that I feel comfortable with, talking face-to-face, without some
kind of security blanket. That could be a drink, a cigarette, my
needlework...anything to take the pressure off. I am hopelessly nervous
around people...just wait until March!
> I think we disagree in that I think a
> person in our culture, does need to be an adult to know and respect that.
> I'm also not exactly sure why that is either, but I've got the impression
> that teens/young adults do not handle alcohol responsibly.
I agree with you on one hand and not on another. I think young adults are
often less able to behave responsibly with alcohol than teens are.
I started consuming alcohol outside of my own house when I was ten or
eleven. My best friend's parents got divorced--her mother got the house
with the stocked bar, but didn't drink. After school, we'd go over there
and have a few drinks and play pool (she also, bless her heart, got the pool
table!). We knew to stay within a certain limit because the consequences
were...um...undesirable.
I went through all of school like this. Drink, but only so much. You don't
want to get caught. You don't want to have to hide a hangover in the
morning. You don't want one of the idiot guys you hang around with making a
play on you when you're not thinking straight. You really *don't* want to
be the one who, it turns out, can't handle their liquor.
Not all teenagers have the capacity to make these kinds of decisions. But
some do.
As a young adult, though, all consequences were shot to hell. Once I was
out of the house and working for my money, there was no one to hide it from.
I actually drank away most of my paycheques. I had my own hangout with my
own waiter...and it wasn't uncommon for me to ask him to hold my table while
I ran across to the bank machine. Sometimes he'd tell me that some other
table had only been there for 'x' amount of time and were already double our
bill. Those were fighting words, as far as I was concerned, and generally
called for a round a shooters.
I think that's probably a trap that I lot of young adults fall
into...college kids, first-time working folks....
I'm back, though, to knowing what's responsible and what isn't. I don't mix
my drinks anymore. I don't shotgun them (learned that particular lesson
with my cousin!). I don't drink enough that I can't crawl out of bed in the
morning.
I can go out, listen to a band and have a few drinks. I can order a beer or
two at the ball game. I can help my mother-in-law polish off a bottle of
wine at family dinners. I wander over to the lounge with the girls from
work once in awhile for a martini.
But it's one glass of wine...maybe two. It's nearly always one beer.
Definitely no more than one martini. On Remembrance Day, it's one shot of
Irish whiskey. When I have a cold, it's a teaspoon of rye every hour. The
only time things get really out of hand is when I'm really feeling bad--like
with my cousin--and even then the nausea and headache are preferable to the
possible alternatives.
I'm really beginning to wonder if I'm making any sense...
Tracey
>blatant. I think I could see what that was all about. What I can't
>understand is why would your SS be so obvious? Was this a gauntlet thrown
>down?
I'm not sure if it was that or if it was just that he was/is so used to no one
'calling' him on anything that he just didn't care. Does that make sense?
I've seen it quite a bit with all three of them actually. To me, it's just a
fairly normal 'teen runaround' where they will say something, the next
time you talk to them they say something else, and it doesn't seem like
anyone will 'call' them on the discrepancies. Like that instance. I don't
have the foggiest what he told his mother as to where he was going,
but, in my mind, if my kids' entire family is there for a party to celebrate
*their* graduation, it's going to take an emergency for them to leave
it, you know?
If it was a gauntlet, no one picked it back up.
Someone
most adolescents (underage drinkers) do not know how to drink responsibly.
I know adults who can't respect alcohol. How the hell is a teenager
supposed to?
lilblakdog <lbdcre...@dog.com> wrote in article
<y2%_3.9764$MM.3...@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>...
: Merrie <mer...@svn.net> wrote in message
: wine at family dinners. I wander over to the lounge with the girls from
:
:
:
lilblakdog
news:01bf3768$770b02c0$61d7...@pc.vaxxine.com...
> You're making sense, but I'd still bet everything I own on the *fact* that
> most adolescents (underage drinkers) do not know how to drink responsibly.
That's probable. I know a lot of teens who didn't, that's for sure.
> I know adults who can't respect alcohol. How the hell is a teenager
> supposed to?
Same as the adults who do. Some do and some don't and some will and some
won't. I did. Some adults are irresponsible in the same way that some
teens are responsible. You have to take each one on a case-by-case basis, I
guess. I can't imagine that I was the only one in the world who knew where
to draw a line. But I'd never dream of suggesting that *most* teens do.
Nicole {Freezing in Wisconsin}
the right spot to throw this in.
Drug test? Hell yes. If it saves a child from becoming an addict, I'm
all for it.
I started drinking at about 14... it was "cool". What I didn't know
then, and I didn't learn until quite recently, is that a child of
alcoholic parents has those same genes. Well, where'd it leave me? At
an AA meeting at age 27 with a friend who was concerned for me...
saying "Hi. I'm Nicole... and I'm an alcoholic." Could my parents have
stopped me? Sure, they could have grounded me to the house. Drugs?
Sure, did those, too... until a friend overdosed and died. Scared me
straight.
Here I am... not quite 30. And an alcoholic for the rest of my life.
My point? Yes, I'd drug test.
Sorry for the ramble.
Nicole
I have gone looking for myself. If I return before I come back, please let me know I'm looking for myself.
My homepage: http://www.fastbytes.com/users/cinirb/
Bunny Cam: http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/5169/whatevercam.html
Merrie
> Merrie wrote:
> >
> > This seems so rational - but not very pragmatic.
> >
> > People or kids can do their drugs all day long while at work or
> > school, and then be perfectly normal when they get home.
>
> Not in my experience. In fact, if you know where to get drugs
> like that, I want some.
Isn't Cocaine like that? It's a relatively short high isn't it?
Tobacco is also like this... Can't a kid get high on marijuana in the
morning and be
normal by after school?
>
> > Grades and work
> > performance may reflect this - and they may not. Maybe, eventually, if
it
> > turns into a large enough problem it gets discovered. But by then it's
a
> > giant Baobab.
>
> I must not have made myself clear. If you figure out your kid
> is doing drugs by their grades dropping or their eyes turning
> red, then you've already missed the boat. Kids don't do drugs
> in a vacuum.
One of the reasons would be experimentation. Unfortunately, I'm not
comfortable with the idea of this. I don't even know what to do with an
idea like this. Turn my head the other way while a kid experiments? Me?
Suggest to a kid that "hey everybody experiments... I'm hip!" I am not.
There are reasons, and as a parent, you should be
> aware of those reasons. You're supposed to handle this stuff
> before it gets out of hand. If your kid's life is at a point
> where she is turning to drugs, then you're playing catch-up.
> >
I agree with you on this. However, I don't think it's unusual for kids
to
experiment with alcohol/drugs. Even amongst adults there is often
an attitude of responsible drug usage. I'm not comfortable with teens
experimenting to find out if they can do this responsibly. I would prefer
if they want to pursue it, that they do it when they are on their own.
> > Before you actually know - you suspect. Do you inquire? Spy? Deny
all
> > opportunity? or seek confirmation with a test?
>
> IMHO, you can't parent without trust.
>
> jane
>
> P.S. Incidentally, I think I feel approximately the same way
> about pot that lil feels about alcohol. I don't see smoking pot
> as an unreasonable choice for an adult. That may be because
> it's never held any allure for me.
> >
Now, see... I have a hard time thinking of alcohol or pot as being
*reasonable* choices for adults. I can understand taking anti-depressants
for a time. I can understand taking a pain reliever. I can understand
eating something that tastes good. I can understand getting a really good
massage. I can even understand weeding or cooking. But I don't rightly
understand alcohol or pot. Doesn't taste good. Doesn't sharpen one's sense
of humor. Doesn't make you more attractive. Might make someone else *seem*
more attractive but who wants to live with the results of that misguided
decision?
> > Merrie
> >
> > jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com> wrote in message
> > news:383B8A30...@excite.com...
> > > Merrie wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Would you or wouldn't you?
> > > >
> > > > Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable cause?
Anyone
> > > > using it as a threat?
> > > >
> > > > Some comfortable doing this after discovering their child is
using?
> > > > After discovering their child's close friend is using? After
repeated
> > > > discoveries? Once it turns into a major problem?
> > > >
> > > > I'm looking for everyone's feedback.
> > > >
> > > > TIA
> > > > Merrie
> > >
> > > A hot-button issue for me.
> > >
> > > If you don't know whether your kid is doing drugs, then you're
> > > not spending enough time with her. How the hell can you *not*
> > > know?
> > >
lilblakdog
> But I don't rightly
> understand alcohol or pot. Doesn't taste good.
I can't speak for pot (which certainly doesn't *smell* good...), but to be
totally honest, Merrie, the taste of rye and 7-Up is actually one of the
most comforting, happiest and most memorable tastes from my childhood.
What on earth do you suppose that says about me???
lil
--
Who is at fault when a monster is a monster? Is it the monster? Or the
person who created it to be a monster?
Nicole {Freezing in Wisconsin}
> Isn't Cocaine like that? It's a relatively short high isn't it?
>Tobacco is also like this... Can't a kid get high on marijuana in the
>morning and be
>normal by after school?
I did... and I was.
Just my .02,
Jennaii
side effects than alcohol. And yes they could smoke pot before school and by
the time school lets out they would be straight again. (Their teachers will
probably know somethings going on though).
But marijuana is illegal. Period the end. You get pulled over these days in
the good old USA and the police can search your vehicle for ANY REASON.
(That's one of those laws that was passed by the Supreme Court while the
American people were taking a nap or arguing with their exes or trying to
figure out how to make the house payment or some other stupid negligent thing
but that's another newsgroup). And if they stop your kid and he has a QUANTITY
of marijuana they will prosecute him / her as an adult. Not for possession,
for SELLING.
THAT would be my argument to my kids:
IT'S ILLEGAL!!!
> Isn't Cocaine like that? It's a relatively short high isn't it?
>Tobacco is also like this... Can't a kid get high on marijuana in the
>morning and be
>normal by after school?
>an attitude of responsible drug usage. I'm not comfortable with teens
>experimenting to find out if they can do this responsibly.
lilblakdog
>I guess I just don't see how the drug test has anything to do
>with preventing addiction.
I'm entirely with you. I don't think it does. The only benefit to it that
I see is that at least you know for sure and you're not punishing them or
"helping" them because of a suspicion.
I don't know. Like I said, I'd like to think that I'd have the kind of
relationship with my kids where I'd know.
lil
---
"Who is at fault when a monster is a monster? Is it the monster's? Or the
jane lawrence
"freshen up" when you need to piss. It's the "don't ask, don't
tell" system.
jane
jane lawrence
>
> Ok, not tagging on to anyone here... simply because I couldn't find
> the right spot to throw this in.
>
> Drug test? Hell yes. If it saves a child from becoming an addict, I'm
> all for it.
>
> I started drinking at about 14... it was "cool". What I didn't know
> then, and I didn't learn until quite recently, is that a child of
> alcoholic parents has those same genes. Well, where'd it leave me? At
> an AA meeting at age 27 with a friend who was concerned for me...
> saying "Hi. I'm Nicole... and I'm an alcoholic." Could my parents have
> stopped me? Sure, they could have grounded me to the house. Drugs?
> Sure, did those, too... until a friend overdosed and died. Scared me
> straight.
>
> Here I am... not quite 30. And an alcoholic for the rest of my life.
>
> My point? Yes, I'd drug test.
>
with preventing addiction.
jane
Nicole {Freezing in Wisconsin}
wrote:
>> My point? Yes, I'd drug test.
>>
>I guess I just don't see how the drug test has anything to do
>with preventing addiction.
If you found out your kid was doing drugs, you wouldn't intervene? If
you intervene *before* it's an addiction...
Kevin
Wisconsin} says...
> On Sat, 27 Nov 1999 02:35:06 -0800, jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com>
> wrote:
>
> >> My point? Yes, I'd drug test.
> >>
> >I guess I just don't see how the drug test has anything to do
> >with preventing addiction.
>
>
> If you found out your kid was doing drugs, you wouldn't intervene? If
> you intervene *before* it's an addiction...
I think maybe the distinction here is where the tendency to addictive
behaviours is a separate issue from the actual taking of drugs. Not all
people who have tried drugs end up being addicts. But it becomes a
possibility, and if the person does end up addicted then there are other
things to deal with IMO besides the drug use. The first thing is to get
clean though, because if you're not free of your substance addiction,
you're not in reality, and if you're not in reality you cannot deal with
the underlying causes of becoming addicted in the first place.
Kevin
--
Education: Not as sudden as a massacre,
but more deadly in the long run - Mark Twain
Merrie
> Nicole {Freezing in Wisconsin} wrote:
> >
> > wrote:
> >
> > >> My point? Yes, I'd drug test.
> > >>
> > >I guess I just don't see how the drug test has anything to do
> > >with preventing addiction.
> >
> > If you found out your kid was doing drugs, you wouldn't intervene? If
> > you intervene *before* it's an addiction...
> >
> >
> all, not before there's "addiction." You're making a huge
> mistake if you leave this kind of thing until there is a
> problem. Merrie said that it's "out there" for her now. She's
> right. It is. And it has been for a long time. It's always
> out there.
>
As they get older they get more freedom. So the opportunity to use
drugs hasn't always been out there as it is now. Middle school was a much
more controlled environment - namely a smaller, closed campus - with
teachers that actually *knew* the students.
> Drug tests are completely unnecessary. I'll save you the
> money. If you're even at the point where you're considering a
> drug test, then you definitely should be dealing with the issue
> of drugs in your kid's life. Whether the test comes out
> positive or negative, you're still going to have to deal with
> the same problem. What would you do differently in handling it
> based on the results of the test?
>
Depending on how I employ the drug test: discovery or deterant. If I
suspected my kid was using drugs I would probably not restrict his freedoms
without confirmation. Just because the possibility exists that he could be
using, is not a good reason to keep him from going to other kids homes etc.
Whereas, if I had confirmation of drug use, I would be much more
restrictive. At that point I would also possibly, set up drastic
consequences if he used drugs again. The application of consequences would
require (with this child) inargueable verification. Inargueable for my
sake. I think it's the beyond a shodow of a doubt thing... If these
drastic consequences are going to apply, then I have to be absolutely sure,
and short of admission I won't be.
> IMVE, drugs are like sex in that you cannot prevent your child
> from making the decision on her own. The time to deal with this
> is before she is faced with the decision, not afterwards. If
> you really want to help her, you can't just sit home, out of
> touch with the pressures she faces on a daily basis, and order
> her to make the same decisions your 40 year old self would.
>
> Has anyone here ever actually watched Reefer Madness? That's my
> idea of the wrong way to handle this issue. I remember high
> school. The only drug I didn't do was heroin, and that was
> because I saw the junkies nodding late at night. I feel very
> strongly that you can't force kids to choose as you would by
> lying to them. Peers will tell them that drugs are wonderful,
> cool, and enjoyable. There is truth in that. You can't deny
> it. If you want your kid to make sound, balanced decisions,
> you've got to give them accurate information about the down
> side.
>
> I know I'm going off on a tangent here, but it's important. I
> did not get raped for wearing hot pants. I did not become
> addicted to marijuana or anything else. My boyfriend did not
> dump me the minute I had sex with him, in fact he was
> practically enslaved. I did not have to "buckle down" to pass
> my courses and get into the college of my choice. Why on earth
> would I believe anything the adults told me when I was making
> decisions? They lied in order to manipulate and control me.
>
I wouldn't lie. But I feel an obligation to some degree to attempt
to control the actions of a kid that I will be held responsible for. I can
do this without lying.
> Sure kids can get into a lot of trouble by making the wrong
> decisions about sex, drugs, driving, and enlisting in the army.
> But ALL our kids are going to learn some things the hard way.
Somethings are just too hard. I have an absolute obligation to prevent
my kids from driving while under the influence. Absolute obligation means I
do what it takes to prevent this.
> It's painful to watch. All we can really do is concentrate our
> efforts on equipping them to make good decisions as much as
> possible.
>
No, I can make some choices so shackled with bad reprecussions that
they'll just wait until they are older and won't have me there connecting
these things together. It's not that I won't care when they are older, but
they will hopefully be wiser, and far less susceptable to peer pressure. It
seems like the really, really dumb ideas occur in high school...
Merrie
> jane
jane lawrence
>
> On Sat, 27 Nov 1999 02:35:06 -0800, jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com>
> wrote:
>
> >> My point? Yes, I'd drug test.
> >>
> >I guess I just don't see how the drug test has anything to do
> >with preventing addiction.
>
> If you found out your kid was doing drugs, you wouldn't intervene? If
> you intervene *before* it's an addiction...
>
>
My point is the time to intervene is before there's a problem at
all, not before there's "addiction." You're making a huge
mistake if you leave this kind of thing until there is a
problem. Merrie said that it's "out there" for her now. She's
right. It is. And it has been for a long time. It's always
out there.
Drug tests are completely unnecessary. I'll save you the
money. If you're even at the point where you're considering a
drug test, then you definitely should be dealing with the issue
of drugs in your kid's life. Whether the test comes out
positive or negative, you're still going to have to deal with
the same problem. What would you do differently in handling it
based on the results of the test?
IMVE, drugs are like sex in that you cannot prevent your child
from making the decision on her own. The time to deal with this
is before she is faced with the decision, not afterwards. If
you really want to help her, you can't just sit home, out of
touch with the pressures she faces on a daily basis, and order
her to make the same decisions your 40 year old self would.
Has anyone here ever actually watched Reefer Madness? That's my
idea of the wrong way to handle this issue. I remember high
school. The only drug I didn't do was heroin, and that was
because I saw the junkies nodding late at night. I feel very
strongly that you can't force kids to choose as you would by
lying to them. Peers will tell them that drugs are wonderful,
cool, and enjoyable. There is truth in that. You can't deny
it. If you want your kid to make sound, balanced decisions,
you've got to give them accurate information about the down
side.
I know I'm going off on a tangent here, but it's important. I
did not get raped for wearing hot pants. I did not become
addicted to marijuana or anything else. My boyfriend did not
dump me the minute I had sex with him, in fact he was
practically enslaved. I did not have to "buckle down" to pass
my courses and get into the college of my choice. Why on earth
would I believe anything the adults told me when I was making
decisions? They lied in order to manipulate and control me.
Sure kids can get into a lot of trouble by making the wrong
decisions about sex, drugs, driving, and enlisting in the army.
But ALL our kids are going to learn some things the hard way.
It's painful to watch. All we can really do is concentrate our
efforts on equipping them to make good decisions as much as
possible.
jane
Nicole {Freezing in Wisconsin}
wrote:
>Drug tests are completely unnecessary. I'll save you the
>money. If you're even at the point where you're considering a
>drug test, then you definitely should be dealing with the issue
>of drugs in your kid's life. Whether the test comes out
>positive or negative, you're still going to have to deal with
>the same problem. What would you do differently in handling it
>based on the results of the test?
What if you're unsure if your child is taking drugs? Wouldn't you
consider a drug test then? Or would you punish/discipline based on
something you didn't know for a fact?
Maybe I'm looking at all this the wrong way. Entirely possible since
I'm sicker than a dog :)
Someone
through the cracks" of the system that way), was pretty and had a lot of
potential. Very gifted in many ways, but never realized many of them.
Anyhow, she told me once that she smoked up (pot) before school, at lunch
(she lived across from the school - did it at home), after school and after
dinner. Every day. It was sad - she ended up just a shell of the person I
knew, and there was nothing I could do except tell her I cared.
But my point is, these things happen and these kids *DO* slip through the
cracks. Not only at home, but at school, work, etc. Nobody ever got this
girl any help.
Merrie <mer...@svn.net> wrote in article
<oGD%3.377$3%.22689@typhoon-sf.snfc21.pbi.net>...
:
: jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com> wrote in message
: news:383BFDCF...@excite.com...
: > Merrie wrote:
: > >
: > > This seems so rational - but not very pragmatic.
: > >
: > > People or kids can do their drugs all day long while at work
or
: > > school, and then be perfectly normal when they get home.
: >
: > Not in my experience. In fact, if you know where to get drugs
: > like that, I want some.
:
: Isn't Cocaine like that? It's a relatively short high isn't it?
: Tobacco is also like this... Can't a kid get high on marijuana in the
: morning and be
: normal by after school?
:
: >
: > > Grades and work
: > > performance may reflect this - and they may not. Maybe, eventually,
if
: it
: > > turns into a large enough problem it gets discovered. But by then
it's
: a
: > > giant Baobab.
: >
: > I must not have made myself clear. If you figure out your kid
: > is doing drugs by their grades dropping or their eyes turning
: > red, then you've already missed the boat. Kids don't do drugs
: > in a vacuum.
:
: One of the reasons would be experimentation. Unfortunately, I'm not
: comfortable with the idea of this. I don't even know what to do with an
: idea like this. Turn my head the other way while a kid experiments? Me?
: Suggest to a kid that "hey everybody experiments... I'm hip!" I am not.
:
:
: There are reasons, and as a parent, you should be
: > aware of those reasons. You're supposed to handle this stuff
: > before it gets out of hand. If your kid's life is at a point
: > where she is turning to drugs, then you're playing catch-up.
: > >
: I agree with you on this. However, I don't think it's unusual for
kids
: to
: experiment with alcohol/drugs. Even amongst adults there is often
: an attitude of responsible drug usage. I'm not comfortable with teens
: experimenting to find out if they can do this responsibly. I would
prefer
: if they want to pursue it, that they do it when they are on their own.
:
:
: > > Before you actually know - you suspect. Do you inquire? Spy?
Deny
: all
: > > opportunity? or seek confirmation with a test?
: >
: > IMHO, you can't parent without trust.
: >
: > jane
: >
: > P.S. Incidentally, I think I feel approximately the same way
: > about pot that lil feels about alcohol. I don't see smoking pot
: > as an unreasonable choice for an adult. That may be because
: > it's never held any allure for me.
: > >
: Now, see... I have a hard time thinking of alcohol or pot as being
: *reasonable* choices for adults. I can understand taking
anti-depressants
: for a time. I can understand taking a pain reliever. I can understand
: eating something that tastes good. I can understand getting a really
good
: massage. I can even understand weeding or cooking. But I don't rightly
: understand alcohol or pot. Doesn't taste good. Doesn't sharpen one's
sense
: of humor. Doesn't make you more attractive. Might make someone else
*seem*
: more attractive but who wants to live with the results of that misguided
: decision?
:
:
:
:
:
: > > Merrie
: > >
: > > jane lawrence <jan...@excite.com> wrote in message
: > > news:383B8A30...@excite.com...
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
jane lawrence
>
> wrote:
>
> >Drug tests are completely unnecessary. I'll save you the
> >money. If you're even at the point where you're considering a
> >drug test, then you definitely should be dealing with the issue
> >of drugs in your kid's life. Whether the test comes out
> >positive or negative, you're still going to have to deal with
> >the same problem. What would you do differently in handling it
> >based on the results of the test?
>
> What if you're unsure if your child is taking drugs? Wouldn't you
> consider a drug test then? Or would you punish/discipline based on
> something you didn't know for a fact?
>
> Maybe I'm looking at all this the wrong way. Entirely possible since
> I'm sicker than a dog :)
>
>
time. You're forewarned that this may not make perfect sense.
To answer your first question: no, I would not consider a drug
test.
Your second question is too complicated for a simple answer. I
don't know what you mean by "punish/discipline." If you're
asking if I would take steps to help a child with a drug
problem, I can definitely say I would. I'm just not sure that
thinking in terms of punishment and discipline is particularly
helpful. I can't picture a punishment that would be more
effective in deterring substance abuse than it would be in
encouraging concealment of drug abuse. Do you see what I mean
here? Visine, breath mints, sleepovers, "study" sessions,
lies....
I know that the kids here will have to make decisions regarding
drugs. That's the "fact" I focus on. I assume that they will
make mistakes of some sort along the way. It's a complex area.
If I start punishing them for their mistakes, I think it will
diminish my ability to help them sort things through. It's like
anything else.
So in a way, I do deal with this without knowing the specific
details. In fact, I think we're all dealing with it every day
without knowing the specifics. We're actually weighing and
balancing probabilities - the danger of the situation, the
child's emotional age, chronological age, and personality, the
benefit of the activity to the child, etc.
We've got to be informed about all those things. A drug test
can give you a snap shot of where a kid is right this second
regarding drugs. But it tells you so little at such a price
that it's like using a jack hammer on a cavity. The issue is
whether or not you feel confident about your child's ability to
handle drug issues in any given situation. If you're thinking
drug test, then you already know that you don't. If the test
comes out negative, then you're almost obliged to take action
against your better judgment. If the test comes out negative,
you still don't trust the kid's judgment in the situation, but
now you're dealing with a loved one whom you've treated like a
felon.
I'll think about this more and see if I can say it better.
jane
First, I assume that the kids will be offered drugs and alcohol
in various situations. Then I ask myself whether I am confident
that the kids are ready to face the decisions posed by specific
situations. For BD, I just know that drugs are not an issue on
the bus to
If I feel BD might be offered drugs or alcohol in a certain
situation, she can't go. She's 12. SD I just assume has the
option all the time. I just look at where the kid is
emotionally and assume
Melissa Torresan
effects that people have is they get very lazy. The users do not
notice it, but the people around them do. Take for example - my
ex-husband was a pot smoker, and it took him over two months to get
one of the rooms in the house ready to be painted. All that needed to
be done was filling in some cracks and sanding that back, but instead
of doing that he would sit on the couch and watch TV and smoke pot
till he fell asleep. Finally he offered his Dad a couple of cartons of
beer to finish the walls and paint them for him..
When I moved out of the house, ex tipped over one of my glass bottles
with crystals in it by accident - the crystals fell in the bath.
Seeing he never uses the bath, those crystals stayed there for over 6
months. They were bright red and it looked terrible, but he didn't
seem to mind at all..
Mel
---------------------------------------------------
Melissa Torresan
sm...@crosswinds.net
---------------------------------------------------
Nicole {Freezing in Wisconsin}
wrote:
Hi Jane,
This made sense... believe it or not ;)
>I'm trying to process this and put up xmas lights at the same
>time. You're forewarned that this may not make perfect sense.
>
>To answer your first question: no, I would not consider a drug
>test.
>
>Your second question is too complicated for a simple answer. I
>don't know what you mean by "punish/discipline." If you're
>asking if I would take steps to help a child with a drug
>problem, I can definitely say I would. I'm just not sure that
>thinking in terms of punishment and discipline is particularly
>helpful. I can't picture a punishment that would be more
>effective in deterring substance abuse than it would be in
>encouraging concealment of drug abuse. Do you see what I mean
>here? Visine, breath mints, sleepovers, "study" sessions,
>lies....
I don't know exactly what I mean by punish/discipline. But I know if I
found out one of my SSs were on drugs that "something" would have to
happen. It's not something that's ok... obviously :)
I see what you mean. Visine... etc. I've BTDT. However, if my parents
had found out... I'd not have been going to *any* sleepovers anymore.
Heck... I'd probably have been placed in a rehab. But that's just how
my parents (mom and SF) were. Not that I'm saying that we be the route
I'd go. Hard to say until you live it... at least for me.
>I know that the kids here will have to make decisions regarding
>drugs. That's the "fact" I focus on. I assume that they will
>make mistakes of some sort along the way. It's a complex area.
>If I start punishing them for their mistakes, I think it will
>diminish my ability to help them sort things through. It's like
>anything else.
Where do you draw the line between mistake and "you need some help"? I
mean... obviously trying it one time isn't having an addiction...
maybe not even heading on the road to addiction.
>So in a way, I do deal with this without knowing the specific
>details. In fact, I think we're all dealing with it every day
>without knowing the specifics. We're actually weighing and
>balancing probabilities - the danger of the situation, the
>child's emotional age, chronological age, and personality, the
>benefit of the activity to the child, etc.
I'm really curious on something here, Jane. We have a 13 year old boy
who is **very** emotionally immature. How do you ever prepare for a
boy this age and this immature to try/experiment with drugs? Maybe I'm
looking for a little advice here. ;)
>We've got to be informed about all those things. A drug test
>can give you a snap shot of where a kid is right this second
>regarding drugs. But it tells you so little at such a price
>that it's like using a jack hammer on a cavity. The issue is
>whether or not you feel confident about your child's ability to
>handle drug issues in any given situation. If you're thinking
>drug test, then you already know that you don't. If the test
>comes out negative, then you're almost obliged to take action
>against your better judgment. If the test comes out negative,
>you still don't trust the kid's judgment in the situation, but
>now you're dealing with a loved one whom you've treated like a
>felon.
I don't think I'd consider drug testing treating your child like a
felon. Honestly. I'd think of it more as an "I love you. I'm
concerned" action. I'm sure if I ever had either of the kids drug
tested, I'd make sure they knew it *was* because I love them and
wanted to make sure that if there's a problem, I wanted it to be
caught in time to find a solution.
>I'll think about this more and see if I can say it better.
I think this is a *very* interesting discussion!
Thanks, Jane,
Tracey
>How do you ever prepare for a boy this age and this immature to
>try/experiment with drugs? Maybe I'm looking for a little advice here. ;)
I don't know. If you find the right preparation, please pass it on. Our
son is in such a tough spot. If I had thought about it, I would have held
him back a year when starting school. At this point, he's a year younger
in age than the other kids in his grade and it's so very tough on him.
He's still into a lot of things that are definitely *not* cool in jr. high,
and has already let it be known that he has to 'hide' those things from
the majority of the other kids. He's also way concerned about being
'in' with the kids, which has led to small incidents over the years. I
keep trying with the 'Honey, not everyone's going to *like* you and
if you have to act differently than you really are just to have someone
like you, they're not worth it' talk and pointing out that *I* don't have
an overabundance of friends, but I have *good* friends, but I'm not
sure how that's working.
--
cssy...@commonlink.net
"Merrie" <mer...@svn.net> wrote:
> Would you or wouldn't you?
>
> Anyone comfortable doing this without any reasonable
> cause? Anyone using it as a threat?
>
> Some comfortable doing this after discovering their
> child is using? After discovering their child's close
> friend is using? After repeated discoveries? Once it
> turns into a major problem?
>
> I'm looking for everyone's feedback.
>
> TIA
> Merrie
Hi Merrie,
New to this NG but have been around other parenting NGs.
I read most of the posts to this thread. Most intelligent
discussion of this subject I have seen in a parenting
or other NG.
I will be upfront and say that I own a small company that
offers anonymous, hospital lab-tested urine drug screens.
So of course I have an opinion.
In my humble opinion, the way to use a drug test for a
teen is as a deterrent rather than as a punishment. About
the time one might consider having that 'other' talk
with a son or daughter, you also have the talk about drug
and alcohol use.
Expectations are defined. Dangers are discussed. Your
past use of drugs, their exposure to drugs already is
discussed. Consequences are discussed. Boundaries are
set. "These actions or these behaviors will make me
suspect drugs might be a problem. If I suspect and you
deny and are found to be lying, these are the consequences.
If your friends suggest you indulge, this is your 'out'."
If you both/all know the expectations and limits up-front
and if you know what the follow-up to a positive test will
be then there are fewer questions about when to test and
how to act on a positive, or negative, test result.
Anyway, drug screening definitely has a place in the
parenting of any teen or pre-teen. Everyone can deny drug
use problems will happen in their family. But talking,
'smart' parenting, and being prepared to act will help
ensure it does not happen in your family.
T. W. Hess
cssy...@commongroup.net
1-888-395-1415
Confidential access to quality urine drug screening.
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.