Brand new here...
nmg...@my-dejanews.com
I knew there had to be a newsgroup for us around here somewhere.
I joined the ranks of 'step parents' in 1997. Step daughter is 13 and lives
with her mom in Minnesota, which is fine for me because the further away from
that woman (mom) the better.
My step daughter is the greatest..we get along just fine when her mom is not
involved or around. However, when my sd comes for visit, she and I find
ourselves having to rebuild the relationship after months of damage by her
mom. (My sd visits during the summer and at Christmas.)
I guess I'm looking for some pointers..some help in dealing with this woman.
She constantly attacks me when talking to my husband on things that didn't
happen or aren't true. She's convinced that I am out to get the kid to move
in with us and forget all about her.
Basically, it's driving me CRAZY. I'm almost at the point where I'm scared to
even talk to the kid because I know that my husband will go through hell with
the ex.
And, yes, my hubby has stood up to her..each time she goes through these
diatribes...it's usually to no avail.
There is SOOOOO much more but I don't want to monopolize time.
Thanks in advance...
nmgirl
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Merrie
something to be said for breivity.
I don't know why your husband goes through hell or bothers to listen to
her. He should ask her to write her concerns down in a letter and he'll
tend to it when he can. I don't know why your friction exists. For some
it's the biomom's way of getting more attention from an ex spouse, for
others friction is escalated by kids that flat out fabricate, and some
actually remarried the wrong person.
Any idea where what causes the problems?
Merrie
nmg...@my-dejanews.com
> Welcome to assp. You can write as much as you want...although there is
> something to be said for breivity.
:):) Amen !?!?!
> I don't know why your husband goes through hell or bothers to listen to
> her. He should ask her to write her concerns down in a letter and he'll
> tend to it when he can. I don't know why your friction exists. For some
> it's the biomom's way of getting more attention from an ex spouse, for
> others friction is escalated by kids that flat out fabricate, and some
> actually remarried the wrong person.
> Any idea where what causes the problems?
The problems stem from her being an extremely controlling person. My husband
has shown me extremely hurtful notes this woman had written to him and to his
friends around the end of the marriage. I try to take people on face value
and try to draw my own conclusions before I'm influenced by other's views and
opinions. She, unfortunately, uses my sd as a pawn to get things her way.
She is forever threatening no visitation if he doesn't do this or that..and
his lawyer is basically useless.
I know that we got along 'ok' in the beginning..before we were married. Two
months after we were married, my hubby went in for minor, outpatient surgery
of a very delicate nature..had trouble sitting down, if you get my drift
:):). Anyhow, as my hubby was having complications after the surgery, she
sent a note via email stating that she hoped his 'personality would improve
now that his brain had been removed'. Naturally, I'd had enough and sent
back a note..with his permission..and tried to be as diplomatic as possible.
And, naturally, we haven't gotten along since. I stood up for him as he's
stood up for me and that was the end of any communication between us.
My sd is a good kid..stuck in the middle of a baaaad situation. I feel sorry
for her sometimes because I know she's within earshot when her mom is yelling
at her dad or putting him down.
It's frustrating to say the least...and any guidance is greatly appreciated!!!
janelaw
>
>
> I know that we got along 'ok' in the beginning..before we were married. Two
> months after we were married, my hubby went in for minor, outpatient surgery
> of a very delicate nature..had trouble sitting down, if you get my drift
> :):). Anyhow, as my hubby was having complications after the surgery, she
> sent a note via email stating that she hoped his 'personality would improve
> now that his brain had been removed'.
I don't mean to be insensitive to your problem, but at least BM
is funny.
Merrie
ex-husband and you and using harrassment to do it? So people do as she
wants in order to avoid her harping.
What you want to do is cut BM's influence out of your lives, but not to
cut your daughter from your lives. You are fortunant that your daughter
is 13 and is old enough to establish her own relationship with you. She
can provide you with information and you need not go through the BM.
You can always go straight to sources (like schools and doctors) if you
have joint legal custody, and SD can provide you with the names that are
necessary.
If BM would allow it (though it sounds like she won't) I would buy SD
her own telephone line for the next occasion you can (birthday,
holiday). This way you can talk to her without having to go through
BM. Maybe a cell phone would be easier to implement. The cell SD can
bring with her when she visits so BM won't be calling on your phone
either. Not sure how expensive this gets... but what cost is peace of
mind?
Again I would pursue asking BM to put her concerns into writing and
address them that way. Be sure to address them so BM doesn't feel the
need to call. It would be a two way street, meaning you shouldn't call
with your concerns but rather use the written form also. Hubby should
not stand up to her, it's just engaging her further and leaves him and
you feeling badly. He stands up for you to the kid, but not the BM
because you have to live with the kid. You don't have to live with the
BM.
Merrie
nmg...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
> > Welcome to assp. You can write as much as you want...although there is
> > something to be said for breivity.
>
> :):) Amen !?!?!
>
> > I don't know why your husband goes through hell or bothers to listen to
> > her. He should ask her to write her concerns down in a letter and he'll
> > tend to it when he can. I don't know why your friction exists. For some
> > it's the biomom's way of getting more attention from an ex spouse, for
> > others friction is escalated by kids that flat out fabricate, and some
> > actually remarried the wrong person.
> > Any idea where what causes the problems?
>
> The problems stem from her being an extremely controlling person. My husband
> has shown me extremely hurtful notes this woman had written to him and to his
> friends around the end of the marriage. I try to take people on face value
> and try to draw my own conclusions before I'm influenced by other's views and
> opinions. She, unfortunately, uses my sd as a pawn to get things her way.
> She is forever threatening no visitation if he doesn't do this or that..and
> his lawyer is basically useless.
>
> I know that we got along 'ok' in the beginning..before we were married. Two
> months after we were married, my hubby went in for minor, outpatient surgery
> of a very delicate nature..had trouble sitting down, if you get my drift
> :):). Anyhow, as my hubby was having complications after the surgery, she
> sent a note via email stating that she hoped his 'personality would improve
SM_of_2
Lynn
nmg...@my-dejanews.com wrote in message <72pgfm$hq4$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>...
>Hi everyone,
>
>I knew there had to be a newsgroup for us around here somewhere.
>
>I joined the ranks of 'step parents' in 1997. Step daughter is 13 and
lives
>with her mom in Minnesota, which is fine for me because the further away
from
>that woman (mom) the better.
>
>My step daughter is the greatest..we get along just fine when her mom is
not
>involved or around. However, when my sd comes for visit, she and I find
>ourselves having to rebuild the relationship after months of damage by her
>mom. (My sd visits during the summer and at Christmas.)
>
>I guess I'm looking for some pointers..some help in dealing with this
woman.
>She constantly attacks me when talking to my husband on things that didn't
>happen or aren't true. She's convinced that I am out to get the kid to move
>in with us and forget all about her.
>
>Basically, it's driving me CRAZY. I'm almost at the point where I'm scared
to
>even talk to the kid because I know that my husband will go through hell
with
>the ex.
>
>And, yes, my hubby has stood up to her..each time she goes through these
>diatribes...it's usually to no avail.
>
>There is SOOOOO much more but I don't want to monopolize time.
>
>Thanks in advance...
>