Long: Time with boyfriend's daughters going amazingly well!
Antica Locker
I've posted here a couple of times and just felt like sharing how well
things are going with spending time with my boyfriend's daughters (7 and
2.5). For my first couple of visits with my BF and the girls, I went to
his brother's where my BF took his girls for the weekend (as my BF lives
in a different city). Baking, Arts/crafts, games, and questions about
the girls' dance classes seemed to be really good ice breakers. One
weekend we even all went out to dinner together (McDonald's with a
playstructure ... okay not the type of restaurant I normally frequent,
but it was fun and I probably should get used to the occasional trip to
McD's).
But then, my BF's brother returned earlier than expected from the UK (so
my BF couldn't use his brother's place any longer). So my BF thought we
could try to have the girls over to my apartment. Given that I own a
variety of toys, games, and books from my childhood plus a bunch of arts
and crafts stuff (like crayons, sparkles, and construction paper) I
figured I had the stuff to amuse them. Just to be safe I bought a
couple more games including twister.
So three weekends ago, my BF and the girls stayed over. Friday night we
thought it best if he took his girls out for a treat (dinner at McD's
again) without me so he could talk to them more about the weekend just
to reassure them. My BF and I don't want to freak the girls out by
sharing the two of us room too quickly, so I suggested we have a indoor
camping weekend since I have a good supply of camping stuff and a tent.
When they arrived at my place, I was prepared for some hostility or
coldness and wow, was I wrong and totally surprised. The girls came in
and settled right in. Perhaps my disco-like spinning, multicoloured
optical fiber light (a gift) and piano helped. The girls made a beeline
for the piano and Laura showed that she could play Mary had a Little
Lamb; the youngest was content to bang the keys. We made us some drums
with chopsticks and tupperware/metal bowls and I brought out my
pennywhistles as well (perhap we created an awful din but it was quite
fun). Laura decided that she, Amanda, and I should play a song for their
dad. Then she saw that I had the music to Teddybear's picnic and she
requested that I write out the words for her and play the song while she
sang. (Later that weekend she requested that I play Beethoven's Fur
Elise for her - which truly impressed me as neither of her parents are
into classical music nor do they play instruments). She had learned
about music in school.
After a few games of twister, it was too late to set up the tent so the
girls and their dad settled in in the spare room (now known as the
girls' room). Saturday morning, once again, Laura totally blew me
away. First the girls wanted to come into my room (at an ungodly early
hour) and jump on my bed to wake me. My very dear BF came in and woke
me more gently than that (with promises of a cup of coffee from the pot
he had brewed if I got up). And then, rather than going with her dad
and sister to her sister's dance class in the morning, she wanted to
stay at my place and play (her dance classes are in the afternoon). So
Saturday night was our camping night .. complete with camping dishes and
hotdogs and a tent in my living room. While the girls were having their
pre-bedtime nap I decided to unwind with some Bach, a gin and tonic, and
a crossword puzzle book. When Laura came back into the living room, she
was intrigued by both the music and crossword puzzles - so I found an
easy puzzle to do with her and explained the clues at an appropriate age
level. She loves soaking up new ideas and information. Since my tent
is a 2 - 3 man tent, I didn't think I would fit in it with my BF and the
girls but I decided that I would sleep in the same room as the tent. I
think the girls' appreciated my proximity as part of the game - in the
morning Laura wanted me to come back in the tent and play.
Amanda (the younger girl) is fine being left alone with me during
Laura's dance lessons - she even lets me put her down for naps and
sometimes when Laura is being overshadowing of Amanda (due to her age),
I would spend some time entertaining (or being entertained by) Amanda.
On Sunday, after some more play time, my BF took the girls swimming (and
then back to bio-mom). Once again, Laura surprised me and invited me to
swimming as well but both my BF and I wanted him to have some special
alone time with the girls so I declined that invitation (but left it
open to go another time)
So then this weekend past, the girls were at my place again. This time
we had busy plans with tickets to The Nutcracker and tickets to my
company's children's Christmas party. I was out for the early part of
Friday evening as we had had a team-building event that afternoon. When
my BF and the girls arrived at my place, I hear they went right to the
disco-like light and turned it on and then to the piano. After a little
bit of playtime, Amanda went to bed (and wanted me to give her a kiss
and hug too!) In my excitement, I ran into my china cabinet and broke 4
of my good crystal wine glasses. I committed my biggest error of the
weekend, and blurted out "Sh*t sh*t sh*t". (I'm not used to having kids
around so I sometimes say things that I shouldn't). I felt really
badly about swearing in front of a child so I apologized to her (and her
dad for my language) but I was quite upset up breaking the glasses. BF
told me later that he was a little annoyed at my swearing but I reminded
him that I could have said much worse, I haven't had 7 years of watching
what I say, and I did apologize. He recognized that I am trying to act
appropriately.
Saturday was overwhelming with everything. The children's Christmas
party was almost sensory overload for me (tonnes of kids running
around). I enjoyed Amanda's nap time enormously in the afternoon. Then
when she woke up, I had to deal with potty time (a new experience for
me!) I'm familiar with diapers and stuff but I don't know what the
wiping assistance is required at potty time - I had to phone my BF for
guidance here.
After a somewhat rushed dinner (and a glass of wine for me and BF, I
suggested the girls could have their juice in some less fragile wine
glasses too), we got ready for the ballet. (The little one wanted to
help me get dressed (she saw me ask her dad to use my lint brush on my
back and now she is right into delinting everything I wear. She also
wanted to zip up the back of my dress - so I let her. One thing I am a
bit uncomfortable with is any degree of my own nudity around the girls.
She followed me into my bedroom and I managed to keep myself modestly
covered whilst getting dressed.
At the ballet, the girls were so well-behaved (okay so the 2.5 year old
did get restless near the end but she did well for a child her age).
I'm definitely gaining my appreciation for people with kids as I am
carrying a child on one hip and a bag full of treats on the other (BF
carried the larger girl), from the theatre to the parking garage at the
art centre. (I might need to rethink wearing heels to such occasions).
Sunday, the girls did come in an jump on my bed to wake me. I was awake
and reading, but I could hear them scheming outside my door so I shut
off the light and feigned sleep to let them have their fun. Amanda
chose me to put her down for nap time (she had been cuddling in my lap
for some quiet time reading books) That afternoon, we decorated a
Christmas tree while listening to Christmas music (a little early I know
but the girls aren't around again till the 18th). Laura isn't used to
real trees (which is all I use) so she enjoyed choosing the tree. I
also suggested we get a new gameboy cartridge for my gameboy which she
had discovered on Saturday. She was quite into explaning the new game
to me and showing me how well she was doing.
I can't believe it is going so well - part of me wonders when will I
wake from this dream! Sure Laura has some moments of 'snottiness' but
my BF explained that this is typical 7 year old behaviour (she is trying
to define her limits, which I can accept). OTher moments she is quite
eager to show off her knowledge (in a good way) and be a charming little
girl. The younger one I've dubbed monkey girl. Now that she is
comfortable with me, she thinks nothing of climbing up on my shoulders
when I am sitting on the couch, or jumping over to me, or walking on me
- she is a bundle of energy ... but she also will ask me to roll up her
sleeves if we are baking, or to help put her shoes on, etc.
The first weekend I focused entirely on the girls and didn't worry about
setting too many limits or rules. This weekend, I found a better
balance. I was able to do some Christmas baking, laundry, and magazine
reading. I wasn't as efficient doing some of these things .. it took me
a good 45 minutes to make a pot of coffee due to all the interrupts
(watch me! how does this work? juice please etc)
The toys were picked up before the girls left on Sunday. I was able to
set some limits with respect to my belongings - I don't stop them from
touching most things (although I did ask Amanda not to open the CDs or
CD player) but I do let them know how I want certain belongings handled
(and they respect that). I'm also learning to reinforce a need for
politeness (sometimes as part of the 7 year old snottiness, Laura will
demand you do something rather than ask politely, I'm learning to hold
out for a polite request before I act). If Amanda gets too rough in her
playing, I let her know that won't play if she hurts me (just like her
dad and sister do).
I apologize for the long babble, but I'm really excited about the
success I'm having! And to top it all off, BM send an email to my BF
which included the line "I'm glad she's treating the girls well".
(This is all so positive!)
Daisy
You sound like a one in a million future step mom! Your story was heart
warming and loving. I'm glad things are working out for you and your future
step family!!! Don't worry too much about the swear words, they were an
accident, and even little children have to be aware that sometimes people
need to vent in order to deal with anger, you did it in a positive way! I
admire you for that! Carry on!!
Daisy
Antica Locker wrote in message <384C42C3...@nortelnetworks.com>...
Anne Robotti
setting limits and getting time to yourself, the BM is supportive,
and things are going really well. Good for you!
Anne
Dana
a lot of you. Enjoy this time and the chance to become a friend to the
girls, it makes it so much easier.
Dana
Daisy <da...@par1.net> wrote in message
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