Not For Step-Moms Only
Lyn
> My tactic is NMKNKR - Not My Kid, Not My Responsibility. If my husband
> lets me have NO authority over his kid, I take no responsibility.
> Granted, in your situation, it's hard not to, being home, and having the
> kid full time. But, over the last couple of years, it's ceased to be
> important to me whether this kid has good manners or good grades. I know
> it SHOULD, I mean, what if he has not desire to go to college, and hubby
> won't kick him out because he's too lazy to make it on his own? I'll
> have to cross that bridge then, because I'm being given NO power now to
> effect the future.
>
> My advice? Back off. As much as you CAN. Unless you are able to put
> your foot down and establish some house rules. I know it would never
> work in my home. Hubby wouldn't go for it, he'd be afraid of stiffling
> or angering his precious little prince.
For me the NMKNMR philosophy holds great appeal, but I have found it very
difficult to maintain when I have tried to employ it. Usually, these
periods come when I am at the end of my rope and can't stand whatever is
going on. I withdraw, focus on my biodaughter, with whom I do have clear
influence and a solid relationship. This makes us all feel like we're on
a yo-yo.
As in many areas of life being a step-parent forces me to confront
constantly the old maxim: God grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom
to know the difference.
I don't have the wisdom to know the difference in this one. I want to
do the right thing for everybody, but I often don't know what that is. It
is probably more difficult when you have them full time, as I do, because
the kids impact your daily life so much. When they come and go I guess
you can grit your teeth and say NMKNMR as a kind of mantra.
Lyn