race
Brandy
Oh god...this is so embarassing. I took my 5-year old SS on the bus the
other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
skin all black?
Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
predominantly "RednecksVille".
How do you explain and address the issue of race to your kids?
Daryl & Tina Williams
Brandy wrote in message ...
We are lucky to live in a small town (20,000) that is very culturally mixed.
My sons have always known that people are born with different colored skin.
What I had a hard time explaining was prejudice. Unfortunately, we have to
deal with it in our own family. My husband (not my older sons' father) is
black. Because of this, my grandmother will no longer have any contact with
any of us. Luckily, my grandfather will go out of his way to see his only
great-grandkids.
Vicki Robinson
>
>Oh god...this is so embarassing. I took my 5-year old SS on the bus the
>other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
>skin all black?
>Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
>predominantly "RednecksVille".
>
>How do you explain and address the issue of race to your kids?
>
>
Depends on what he wants to know. It's best to limit your information
to what's necessary for kids to know; in this case I would have said
"Oh, people come in all different colors! They speak all different
languages, and eat different food and sing different songs and wear
different clothing. It's a wonderful thing that there are so many
different kinds of people in the world." Then you head out to the
library for a children's book on different cultures; there are a
million "Children Around the World" kinds of books.
I wouldn't mention issues of racism yet, unless he asks. Kids will
have plenty of time to confront these things, and to bring them up
before he has any experience with it can just be confusing. I was 10
years old when a friend told me to cross the street if I saw a
"negro" coming down the street, because "they were dangerous." I was
completely puzzled; I had known that people came in different colors,
but this was a brand new twist on things. So I went home and asked my
mother who said "Oh that's ridiculous. Dont' pay any attention to
that kind of talk, it's just ignorant." And that was that.
As questions come up, you can discuss them, at a level which is
understandable to him.
Vicki
--
Mediation and Alternative Dispute Resolution Resources:
http://www.rit.edu/~vjrnts/mediation/mediation.html
The alt.folklore.urban FAQ and archive can be found at
http://www.urbanlegends.com/
Lori
Brandy wrote in message ...
>
>other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
>skin all black?
>Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
>predominantly "RednecksVille".
>
>How do you explain and address the issue of race to your kids?
By telling him that God made people unique, that we all look different from
one another?
Lori
janelaw
>
> Oh god...this is so embarassing. I took my 5-year old SS on the bus the
> other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
> skin all black?
> Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
> predominantly "RednecksVille".
>
> How do you explain and address the issue of race to your kids?
It was bound to happen with something, you know. I agree with
Vicki that a trip to the library is in order. The children's
librarian will know what kind of book you're looking for. While
you're at it, try to find some that go beyond race.
Wheelchairs, any clothing dictated by religion, scars,
birthmarks, obesity, and just about any other visually
noticeable "difference" can provoke the same response. You also
might make sure the kid gets out more; riding the bus is a good
idea.
I think I'd also explain that it is rude to point things out
about people as it can hurt their feelings or make them feel
embarrassed. I told my daughter that she could ask me questions
about people quietly, but that she should not point, stare, or
bellow out questions. IIRC, it took her a while to get it.
Since I grew up in an environment that was hostile to racial and
cultural diversity, I have always made it a point to expose my
child to variety. It was a criterion in my choice of daycare
and schools, for example. With a 5 yo, I'd just look for fun
things to do in a multicultural environment. I don't know what
it's like where you live, but I didn't have trouble finding
multicultural festivals, street fairs, pow wows, etc. in the
paper or online. Almost any kid-oriented activity in a city
turns out kids from a multitude of backgrounds. It seems to me
that if your SS had never seen a black man, then he must not
have been to a parade.
jane (mother of the whitest child in the world, who can do that
cool thing with her neck)
The Effs
Brandy wrote in message ...
>
>other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
>skin all black?
>Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
>predominantly "RednecksVille".
>
>How do you explain and address the issue of race to your kids?
I remember when my sister (then 6, now 21) pointed out to me during a visit
to Washington DC that there sure were a lot of black people. Unfortunately,
she did it in a shop where we were the only white people and during a break
in the music. About 50 pairs of eyes turned to us (I was 11, my parents
were in the store next door) Fortunately, it was shop filled with tolerant
shoppers! I was so embarassed, but it was innocent enough, I guess... we
grew up in Vermont which was pretty white until about 10 years ago. Now
there's a healthy mix of everyone.
Anyway, I remember saying to her that there are lots of different kinds of
everything in the world - food, flowers, weather and people.
Posey
The Effs
Brandy wrote in message ...
>How do you explain and address the issue of race to your kids?
How about homelessness? I was mortified when my 6 y.o. SD pointed and
laughed at a homeless man 2 weeks ago. She thought it was really funny that
he was sleeping on the ground and that he had a sign that he had made.
I pulled her to the side and told her to stop laughing, and that it wasn't
funny at all. I said that not everyone on this earth had a home, and asked
her to think about what it would be like if she didn't have her warm bed,
warm clothes, nice house, et cetera. She just shrugged and I let it go.
If we had more than every other weekend with them, I would organise us to
volunteer at a shelter or something, but sheesh... where does that sort of
attitude come from?
And worse than that, I'm no angel when it comes to giving to the homeless on
the street. I buy a Big Issue now & then, but certainly don't give my very
limited change to everyone I see. So now I'm a hypocrite, too? Argh!
Anyone else dealt with this?
Posey
Gp lenexa
>cool thing with her neck
What is that?
Geri
Gp lenexa
>the street. I buy a Big Issue now & then, but certainly don't give my very
>limited change to everyone I see.
What is a Big Issue?
So now I'm a hypocrite, too? Argh!
>
>Anyone else dealt with this?
Yes, I pay income tax.
Geri
Vicki Robinson
>And worse than that, I'm no angel when it comes to giving to the homeless on
>the street. I buy a Big Issue now & then, but certainly don't give my very
>limited change to everyone I see. So now I'm a hypocrite, too? Argh!
>
>Anyone else dealt with this?
Yep; I don't give money, since it's a virtual certainty that the money
will be spent on booze or drugs. I have offered to take the person
to McDonald's to buy him a Big Mac and fries when importuned with "I
haven't eaten today, got a dollar?" Most of the time they simply move
on to the next person, a couple of times the offer has been accepted.
(This only happens to me when I'm downtown, and there is a McDonalds
within a stone's throw.) I donate to our local shelter and to my church,
and we spent Thanksgiving serving dinner to everyone who wanted to come
to our church for either dinner or dinners to take out. We regularly
send people from the church to the shelter to serve and clean up once
a month; I hadn't put us on the list because of the young ages of my
kids, but they are old enough now to understand what they're seeing,
so I should do that.
You can't do it all, you know, but you can do some of it.
keh...@my-dejanews.com
Brandy <col...@gladstone.uoregon.edu> wrote:
>
> Oh god...this is so embarassing. I took my 5-year old SS on the bus the
> other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
> skin all black?
> Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
> predominantly "RednecksVille".
>
Well, it happens. About 30 or 35 years ago my folks were driving us through
east St Louis, in summer, with windows open. My 5-yr-old brother stared out
the window and yelled, "Mom! Chocolate people!!" (We were from a small Iowa
town; heck, as Catholics, *we* were the minority to be tolerated.)
For now, I'd just tell your SS that people come in all colors, just like they
come in all shapes and sizes.
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
MFreund
Brandy wrote:
> Oh god...this is so embarassing. I took my 5-year old SS on the bus the
> other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
> skin all black?
> Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
> predominantly "RednecksVille".
>
> How do you explain and address the issue of race to your kids?
How about social inequity?
In addition to the good advice you've already received, depending upon how
active you are in your local church or synagogue, etc., you might want to
volunteer some of your time with a local outreach.
My church regularly did a breakfast in a neighboring town which is known for
its high level of poverty, crime rate, homelessness, drug use. The town is
a fair mix of people from all kinds of ethnic backgrounds who have really
hit hard times. Everything we provided was donated; food, clothing, time,
etc. This eventually graduated to a regular Saturday lunch which was
followed by a bible study.
When I was single, I always worked the monthly breakfast and brought my son.
Many of the people who donated their time brought their kids, too and they
all participated in serving meals, cleaning up, etc. It proved to be an
invaluable lesson to all of them and it was a very rewarding experience.
I'm sure if you are not active with a religious group, their must be a local
chapter of the Red Cross or Meals on Wheels, etc. I think that apart from
explaining the differences in people, it is good to expose our children to
people from all walks of life and economic circumstances. The earlier we
allow our children to be exposed to this, they better chances they stand of
growing up to be compassionate human beings.
Just a thought :-)
janelaw
I know you know what I mean, but I'm not sure I can explain it.
She moves her head back and forth in a line from over her right
shoulder to over her left shoulder. It used to be an "Egyptian"
thing; you had to hold your arms over your head with your palms
together like you were praying and move your head back and
forth. Nowadays it goes along with some kind of admonishment
like, "You'd best not mess with my beanie babies, girl." It's
in the same category with the hip slouch - head toss -
dismissive finger snap.
I brought it up because it's an african-american gesture, and my
daughter is so white she's blue. It's really funny. I can't do
it at all.
jane
Gp lenexa
>the window and yelled, "Mom! Chocolate people!!"
That was what I thought when I was little. I thought it would be cool to be
chocolate.
Geri
vie...@olynet.com
If you are in a religion that believes in God you can simply explain to him
that God created us differently in terms of our skin, but we are the same
inside. If not, you can simply explain that some of us have different skin
color. I always make sure to emphasize that variety is good and that skin
color, body weight, etc., doesn't dictate what type of person you are.
Daryl & Tina Williams
Gp lenexa wrote in message <19981207105339...@ng-ca1.aol.com>...
My mom says I used to call them blue people. Now, I'm married to a blue
person and have a baby blue!!
janelaw
>
> Brandy wrote in message ...
>
>
> laughed at a homeless man 2 weeks ago. She thought it was really funny that
> he was sleeping on the ground and that he had a sign that he had made.
>
> I pulled her to the side and told her to stop laughing, and that it wasn't
> funny at all. I said that not everyone on this earth had a home, and asked
> her to think about what it would be like if she didn't have her warm bed,
> warm clothes, nice house, et cetera. She just shrugged and I let it go.
> If we had more than every other weekend with them, I would organise us to
> volunteer at a shelter or something, but sheesh... where does that sort of
> attitude come from?
>
> the street. I buy a Big Issue now & then, but certainly don't give my very
> limited change to everyone I see. So now I'm a hypocrite, too? Argh!
>
> Anyone else dealt with this?
>
I suppose letting her spend the night in a Chevy is out of the
question.
Lots of kids are pretty callous at her age. I don't think they
really start to empathize until 5 or 6. Kids laugh at strange
and unusual stuff, like a grown up sleeping on the ground. He's
supposed to know better. It looks silly. She probably can't
imagine what his life is like. I remember a mitten tree at
church one year: all the kids brought a pair of mittens for
homeless kids and hung them on a tree during service. Mittenless
hands was something they could relate to.
She'll learn from your example. If you don't like to give money
to people on the street, maybe you should explain what you're
doing when you give to food and clothing drives. Maybe you can
weed through her clothes after xmas and bring the ones she has
outgrown to a shelter. What about taking the kids shopping for
a gift to give someone less fortunate?
jane
The Effs
N.Y. resolution to somehow include them in my socially responsible actions.
It's hard, though, since we only have them from lunchtime on Saturday to
afternoon on Sunday every other weekend. But I'll see what we can come up
with here in London...
I'm also grateful once again to hear that kids at this age can be callous.
My inexperience as a parent and ignorance of what's normal for this age
group showing once again! ;)
And for whomever asked, a "Big Issue" is a weekly magazine produced to help
the homeless help themselves - they buy it for about 30p and then sell it
for a pound, with the idea being that the profits are a step towards
independance. It's even a good read!
P
janelaw
>
>
> I'm also grateful once again to hear that kids at this age can be callous.
> My inexperience as a parent and ignorance of what's normal for this age
> group showing once again! ;)
>
>
have known if I hadn't had a kid that age. I probably wouldn't
remember either, except that my nephew and his friends are all
in that age group now.
nancy g.
> Lots of kids are pretty callous at her age. I don't think they
> really start to empathize until 5 or 6.
That's only when it *starts*. It takes until they're a few years older
before they can generalize about other people's situations (I think it's
fourth grade that's considered the age when it finally kicks in). Until
that point, they need specific, individual examples, like you say here:
> I remember a mitten tree at
> church one year: all the kids brought a pair of mittens for
> homeless kids and hung them on a tree during service. Mittenless
> hands was something they could relate to.
<snip>
> Maybe you can
> weed through her clothes after xmas and bring the ones she has
> outgrown to a shelter. What about taking the kids shopping for
> a gift to give someone less fortunate?
We make it part of our Christmas shopping expeditions for each kid to
buy a toy to give to the local Toys for Tots or other organization.
There have been some years when it was *very* difficult for them to
deposit their toy in the box or bin, since they'd usually pick out
one that they wanted themselves -- but most of the time, it would
(quite coincidentally, of course) turn out that Santa appreciated their
charitable thoughts so much that he'd give them one of the very same toy
they'd given away!
One of my fondest Christmas memories is of when my oldest was only
about four or five: We read in the newspaper that morning about
a very bad fire in the next town -- nobody had been hurt, but an
apartment house had been destroyed and of course a lot of the gifts
had burned along with it. We explained to him how sad this was and
that some children didn't have a tree or many new toys this morning --
so he went over to our tree and picked up one of his gifts and said
"Can we drive over to where their house used to be and see if they're
still there and give them this?"
Wasn't a dry eye in the house, let me tell you.
(btw, YES, we DID.)
nancy g.
good to get that signal once in a while
that you're doing something right ...
janelaw
>
> Wasn't a dry eye in the house, let me tell you.
>
>
And there isn't one here.
Daryl & Tina Williams
MFreund wrote in message <366BED43...@ix.netcom.com>...
>
>
>Brandy wrote:
>
>> Oh god...this is so embarassing. I took my 5-year old SS on the bus the
>> other day, he turns to me and says quite loudly: Mommy why is that man's
>> skin all black?
>> Needless to say quite embarassing, I guess where he grew up it was
>> predominantly "RednecksVille".
>>
>
>
>In addition to the good advice you've already received, depending upon how
>active you are in your local church or synagogue, etc., you might want to
>volunteer some of your time with a local outreach.
>
>My church regularly did a breakfast in a neighboring town which is known
for
>its high level of poverty, crime rate, homelessness, drug use. The town is
>a fair mix of people from all kinds of ethnic backgrounds who have really
>hit hard times. Everything we provided was donated; food, clothing, time,
>etc. This eventually graduated to a regular Saturday lunch which was
>followed by a bible study.
>
>When I was single, I always worked the monthly breakfast and brought my
son.
>Many of the people who donated their time brought their kids, too and they
>all participated in serving meals, cleaning up, etc. It proved to be an
>invaluable lesson to all of them and it was a very rewarding experience.
>
>I'm sure if you are not active with a religious group, their must be a
local
>chapter of the Red Cross or Meals on Wheels, etc. I think that apart from
>explaining the differences in people, it is good to expose our children to
>people from all walks of life and economic circumstances. The earlier we
>allow our children to be exposed to this, they better chances they stand of
>growing up to be compassionate human beings.
>
>Just a thought :-)
>
Just a suggestion...if you do expose your children to soup kitchens,
homeless shelters, etc., be aware of the ethnicity of the people dependant
on these services. If you notice that most of the people there are black or
hispanic or asian, etc, make sure you also expose your children to black,
hispanic, asian people of prominence. Don't let your "unexperienced"
children feel that this is the "way" people of color live.
Stephanie F.
Daryl & Tina Williams wrote in message <74jkeg$a6c$1...@news-2.news.gte.net>...
>Just a suggestion...if you do expose your children to soup kitchens,
>homeless shelters, etc., be aware of the ethnicity of the people dependant
>on these services. If you notice that most of the people there are black
or
>hispanic or asian, etc, make sure you also expose your children to black,
>hispanic, asian people of prominence. Don't let your "unexperienced"
>children feel that this is the "way" people of color live.
Excellent point! I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks:))
Stephanie
l...@my-dejanews.com
>
> Daryl & Tina Williams wrote in message <74jkeg$a6c$1...@news-2.news.gte.net>...
> >Just a suggestion...if you do expose your children to soup kitchens,
> >homeless shelters, etc., be aware of the ethnicity of the people dependant
> >on these services. If you notice that most of the people there are black
> or
> >hispanic or asian, etc, make sure you also expose your children to black,
> >hispanic, asian people of prominence. Don't let your "unexperienced"
> >children feel that this is the "way" people of color live.
I’m not proposing that you rub a child’s nose in the face of poverty, but why
not let the children feel whatever it is they feel? If it bothers them,
they’ll say so. If they have questions, they’ll ask. The sad reality is that
this *is* the way many people of color (and otherwise) *do* live.
Gloria
Daryl & Tina Williams
l...@my-dejanews.com wrote in message <74l49m$bgj$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>...
My point is this...my mother's family is from an all white town. Nobody in
there family ever had black friends or acquaintances growing up. They only
knew what they heard on television. Fortunately, my mother has had some
black co-workers. Anyhow, because of this, my grandmother has nothing to do
with me, my husband and my kids because my husband is black. She assumes
all blacks are criminals, drug addicts, and lazy welfare recipients. She
says, "Look at OJ and Mike Tyson, and all the criminals on TV are black."
But, my husband has a college education. My mother-in-law was a nurse and
is now in management at an insurance company. My father-in-law retired from
GM and then went to nursing school and is now a nurse. My husband's
step-father is a published writer and owns his own successful company.
Unfortunately, my mother's family was never exposed to prominent black
people and this is the effect.
MFreund
> Just a suggestion...if you do expose your children to soup kitchens,
> homeless shelters, etc., be aware of the ethnicity of the people dependant
> on these services. If you notice that most of the people there are black or
> hispanic or asian, etc, make sure you also expose your children to black,
> hispanic, asian people of prominence. Don't let your "unexperienced"
> children feel that this is the "way" people of color live.
argh. After I posted my original reply, I realized that while I don't live in a
perfect world, I am very fortunate to live in a fairly affluent neighborhood
which boasts a good racial and ethnic mix. Additionally, my church (which is
about 30 minutes away from where I live), is also mixed. I took that for
granted. I'm glad you pointed out the importance of it.
I, too, (even though I am of latin descent ... with a Swedish grandmum ... go
figure ... explains the blue eyes) grew up in an extremely conservative and
closed community. I think we were the only spanish family in town for a while.
I ended up living there and schooling my son there until he was in the fourth
grade. It was tough to say the least. His dad (my ex) is Egyptian and my son
(with a decidedly Arabic name and darker complexion) stuck out like a sore
thumb. The best thing I ever did was move 150+ miles away from Fairfield
County, CT.
Anyone remember that line from the musical play "Mame"? "... an Aryan from
Darien." Sums it up in a nutshell.