sk's chores/allowance question
april...@my-deja.com
and I decided this was fine, but made up a list of weekly chores to be
done in exchange. It consists of, for each kid(for those of you who
dont know, SS is 9 and SD is 8, both live with us), dishes 2xweek, take
out garbage on garbage day, one day of dusting, one of
vacuuming,helping me clean the bathroom once a week, and then keeping
thier rooms clean. Extra money could be earned by doing extra chores.
Of course, they were all gung-ho the first few weeks, they really
enjoyed getting that money. Then apparently the work began to become
tedious, or they "didnt feel like it" or "were too busy", or if they
did do it, it was sloppy or only partly done.... yet here they were, at
the end of every two weeks, with their grubby little hands out,
expecting to be paid for nothing. They threw hairy fits when DH and I
didnt dole out the whole amount, and twice it has been nothing at all.
Finally, we sat them down and said, fine, if you dont want to do these
chores, dont. We are not going to nag, plead, scream, or force you to
do anything. but dont expect us to pay you an allowance, buy you what
you want, or give you any extra priveleges. And if your rooms are
filthy, that means no friends are allowed to come over, because if we
were them, we would die of embarrassment to have our friends know we
were such slobs(*g*).
So...it's been nearly two weeks, they havent so much as lifted a finger
to do anything(unless they see that I am stressed out or upset about
having to do all the work, then they grudgingly offer to help but I
tell them, no, I can handle it all just fine, thank you). They keep
asking us for this toy, or that toy, or talk about all the things they
will buy with thier allowance....well, eventually I think it's going to
sink in. I just got tired of being on them all the time, and feeling
like i was involved in illegal child labor or something for "forcing
them" to learn responsibility. Do you think I was too hard on them, or
expecting too much? Or should we insist on them doing what we
originally agreed upon? I am just really frustrated and have no idea
how to handle this. I dont want them to think of me as this wimpy
person they can just push around and walk all over, but I dont want to
be the evil, whip-snapping stepmonster, either. Suggestions? Flames?
Advice? Questions? Anything??? :)
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
celery2
Do you get paid by anyone for cleaning your bedroom,taking care of your own
clothing or caring for a pet
that *you* brought home ? Does hubby hand you extra cash for cleaing the
tub,scrubbing the toilet or cooking dinner
for everyone ? Do you whine and pout and simply not do these things till
somebody hands you a nice chunk of cash ?
I'm willing to bet you don't
The kids should be responsible for taking care of their own rooms and
clothing/toys,they should also share in dishwashing,floor sweeping.dusting
etc as part of their contribution to the household they live in...with no
money
being paid to them,these chores should be appropriate to the ages and
abilties and should increase over time
how else will they learn how to cook a meal,wash and press their clothing
and the 10001 other skills they'll need
to live on their own as adults
They should also receive an allowence that is not tied to the above
chores,but rather is viewed as their share of the family money..you share in
the work of the family,you also share in it's assets.The idea of an "extra"
chore list that they can earn money foir doing is appropriate..but only if
you'd normsally pay an outsider to perform these tasks
I'd say that the discpline here should fit the behavior..rather than
withholding allowences why not withhold some services you usually perform as
part of your share of the family's work? If the room's a mess with clothing
everywhere..stop doing their laundry long enough or them to run out of clean
clothing.Whining and pouting and refusal to help with dishes or setting the
table ? Cook dinner but don't set places for them..you get the idea
Tracey
Well, here in our house, allowance isn't tied to chores at all (or in
a very tenuous way.) Allowance just 'is'. I basically feel that I would
have spent that money on our son *anyway* so why not give it to him
so he can learn how to save up for something big or learn the hard way
that cheap toys are just that: cheap toys.
Chores just 'are', too. They're done not because he has to do them to
get his allowance, they're done because they need to be done. Conse-
quences for not doing the chores (which are basically the same as you
have except dinner dishes every night and when asked during the day,
trash out to the trash can and out to the street on trash day, room picked
up and any policing of other rooms that is requested of him) or doing
the chores but with lots of prodding and/or sighs and bad attitude varies.
Room not picked up? No friends over. Sighs/eye-rolling/bad attitude?
It's explained to him that after having to remind him of his chores and/
or having to endure the sighs/eye-rolling/bad attitude, we just don't feel
like doing those 'extras' for him. A side consequence that is effective for
our son is that while he gets his allowance no matter what, if he's done
bad that week on his chores, we just don't have the time nor the desire
to take him anywhere to *spend* it. An allowance isn't so great just
sitting in your wallet.
At the same time, when he does great at his chores, we will suggest
ourself that we go rent a movie/video game or go shopping or, if at
the grocery store and he asks if he can use his allowance to buy a
video game magazine, I'll go ahead and buy it for him and tell him to
use his allowance on something else.
It's worked pretty well actually. We've went a long way towards
eliminating the eye-rolling/sighing/bad attitude about his chores. Dinner
dishes are started as soon as dinner is over, no questions, no prompting.
We're slowly going through his room and getting rid of the extraneous
crap and putting his pack-ratted things in trunks/boxes/etc., so that he
still *has* them, they're just not in piles on his shelves and that's satisfy-
ing him.
--
Tracey
--
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jane lawrence
>
>I just got tired of being on them all the time, and feeling
> like i was involved in illegal child labor or something for "forcing
> them" to learn responsibility. Do you think I was too hard on them, or
> expecting too much? Or should we insist on them doing what we
> originally agreed upon? I am just really frustrated and have no idea
> how to handle this. I dont want them to think of me as this wimpy
> person they can just push around and walk all over, but I dont want to
> Advice? Questions? Anything??? :)
We have sort of a split system around here. Allowance is
distinct from chores. We're not too far from Tracey's approach.
Performance at school, however, is rewarded monetarily. It's
logical for me as school is more like the work you do for money,
and chores are the kind of thing you do for free. At least
that's the theory. I've got to admit, there are a lot of
exceptions.
Anyway, with this system there's no option not to do the chores
if you don't want the money. OTOH, chores do not get done
without reminders. I'm also not liking the idea that there's a
choice not to do the school work if you don't want the money.
jane
Vicki Robinson
:logical for me as school is more like the work you do for money,
:and chores are the kind of thing you do for free.
:
:I'm also not liking the idea that there's a
:choice not to do the school work if you don't want the money.
Exactly. I don't look at school as analogous to work, because at work
I do something for someone else, for which I get paid. My kids go to
school *for themselves*, not someone else. The "product" they produce
is their appreciation for the arts and sciences, and skills that will
eventually be saleable, for which they will get paid. Work is for
someone else, learning is for oneself.
Vicki
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Sian Lee Reid
<jan...@excite.com> wrote:
> Anyway, with this system there's no option not to do the chores
> if you don't want the money. OTOH, chores do not get done
> without reminders. I'm also not liking the idea that there's a
> choice not to do the school work if you don't want the money.
>
That's certainly always been my hesitation about 'pay for grades'
schemes. I suppose they'll work just fine until the kid is old enough to
realize that you can spend 100 hours doing math homework, or 6 flipping
burgers...
Just not a place I want to go...! :)
Sian
Tracey
Lee Reid) writes:
>That's certainly always been my hesitation about 'pay for grades'
>schemes.
We don't 'pay for grades', but we *will* give our son some sort of
treat, depending on the overall report card. It has ranged from nothing
(when he got the 'D' this last grading period, oy vey!) to a video game
rental to a video game itself. It's more of a reward for overall performance
and living up to his responsibilities rather than for a particular grade, I
guess.
Tracey
Someone
think I will employ this with BD as soon as she's old enough for an
allowance.
What age is a good age to start allowance and/or chores??
(BTW BD who is 3 1/2 already does certain "chores". She picks up her toys
herself when it's time to vacuum, she puts her meal dishes away, and is
always responsible for things like making sure her shoes/jacket are always
put in their proper place. And, yesterday she decided to try on SD's shoes
and tracked mud into the living room - which I made her help me clean up.)
Tracey <rbra...@mediaone.net> wrote in article
<3867F416...@mediaone.net>...
: >Suggestions? Flames? Advice? Questions? Anything??? :)
:
: Well, here in our house, allowance isn't tied to chores at all (or in
: a very tenuous way.) Allowance just 'is'. I basically feel that I would
: have spent that money on our son *anyway* so why not give it to him
: so he can learn how to save up for something big or learn the hard way
: that cheap toys are just that: cheap toys.
:
: Chores just 'are', too. They're done not because he has to do them to
: get his allowance, they're done because they need to be done. Conse-
: quences for not doing the chores (which are basically the same as you
: have except dinner dishes every night and when asked during the day,
: trash out to the trash can and out to the street on trash day, room
picked
: up and any policing of other rooms that is requested of him) or doing
: the chores but with lots of prodding and/or sighs and bad attitude
:
:
:
Tracey
>think I will employ this with BD as soon as she's old enough for an
>allowance.
Well, for me, it seems like it takes at least half of the 'battles' away. First,
the battles about doing the chores. There's no 'Well, I really don't want
anything this week <like a 12 year old would *say* that :)))> so I'm not
going to worry about dusting or doing the dishes' attitude to fight with.
Then, when it's allowance time you don't have to argue about whether
they did enough to get it. It's just totally separate to him.
>What age is a good age to start allowance and/or chores??
I've seen people recommend that allowances start at any age. Some
recommend a dollar a year, so, even your three year old could conceivably
get an allowance. Up until about a year or so ago, I had automatic
'veto' power on what was bought by our son. I would explain to him
why he couldn't spend that $2.99 on that toy that would break within
five minutes of him getting it out of the package. Now, I don't really
need to do that. Come to think of it, it's about time to institute our
daughter's allowance. She *loves* hitting garage sales with me and
has become quite the little sign spotter. I still giggle when I think of
the day she walked up to a woman with a *huge* box of pastel
colored Leggos and dug out her small handful of change out of her
pocket and said 'Here. I buy this. Thank you!' (Of course, I had
to make up the difference, but, hey.....)
As far as the chores part, sounds like you've already started her on
them. Maybe things like putting silverware away or picking dead leaves
off of plants or other small jobs can be incorporated. This next spring,
I'm starting a small plot out in the yard for the kids and planting 'fun'
things for them. Sunflowers, popcorn, pumpkins, 'sensitive' plants, etc.
That area is going to be for *them* to take care of.
Tracey
--
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Met Darth Maul and now he's toast.
I'm still here and heeeeeee's a ghost.
I guess...I'll train...this boy....'
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