desperate for human contact
recluse
having imaginary discussions and that comforts me. I'm craving to talk
to some one. I cannot live without posting on 5-6 forums whether they
are eudcational(computers/physics etc) or suicidal or politics. May be
I repeat my stories on this forum too much but I really want to talk.
Seriously, the last 4 years have been miserable. I've been shy,
awkward all my life but I've traumatised beyond repair in my college.
Why you did this to me ? Does it make you happy to ruin someone's
life. Atleast before that I could hold my head up and walk without
feeling shame. I had a few friends in highschool, majority of whom
were from lower middle class and they always made fun of me. But
atleast these people helped me in worst times and we were always
together like a gang. I did not care about having no influential or
popular kids as friends but after a chain of events in 2004-2005,
which I better not describe, my life has been ruined. I used to get
tense every night before I went to sleep, every day when I woke up and
had to face 500 people sneering at me in university. Oh god, I don't
know how I managed to live then. I bagged a very good job at a
software company after graduation but I had to resign in 4 days,
thanks to some people from my university(who also got selected)
harassing me daily. After this, I hibernated and didn't do anything
for long (6 months) time. All I did was prepare for GRE(I'm going for
my masters in US this fall), smoke weed, watch porn. I didn't get out
of my house for 6 months. I just got bigger, ate terrible food, never
worked out. Right now, I'm working for the last 6 months but I haven't
spoken to most employees even once. I'm terrified to speak to anyone.
But, It's pure torture to live and not have friends. Since 2004 i've
probably spent 95% of all my time alone -- in my room, apartment,
being by myself in university, work. It's a tough life. Why I can't
live without being afraid and fearful for a second. Why are we forced
to be around people we don't like. Where's the freedom ? It makes you
angry, it makes you hate things even more. Don't really know what to
do anymore. How am I supposed to live another, what? 50-60 years like
this ? On the other hand, I also dislike human contact because I don't
trust them. I hope someone can understand what I'm saying. There is a
lack of good human beings int his world. They lack emotions. You can't
go close to anyone or they will expoloit you. I wake up every morning
depressed, I go sleep depressed. I can't even watch television
anymore, there's nothing interesting on it. I'm always on the internet
and my bills are rising. my head hurts because of the depression and i
cannot get up on time in the morning. Not befroe 10-11am.
deannie
Yep I know what you mean. All the good folk are staying at home in
fear of being exploited by others, The thing is people are not that
bad.
Risenape
nadi...@gmail.com says...
>
>O
>Yep I know what you mean. All the good folk are staying at home in
>fear of being exploited by others, The thing is people are not that
>bad.
You are quite right. Some people are bad, and we tend to over-emphasise the
badness in people. Most people are pretty average - not bad, not good - just
like you and me. It's the phobia that makes up see people in a fearful light.
It's us persecuting ourselves, not the other people to blame.
surfac1ng
Are you on any medication? Social Phobia and AvPD can only be effectively treated with a combination of medication + therapy.
