I've been reading this newsgroup for a while and there is something
that I have yet to find out about. The subject matter has come close
several times, but I ask if I am crazy if I am not sexually
attracted to either the female or male sex. (I am male.) On
some occasions, I found it might be interesting; but I had no
intent of doing anything.
I bring this up because I am in love with a girl; and she is
just as much in love with me. But I think that when I tell her
I will stay a virgin until the day I die, she will become sad
or something. I will talk to her soon about it, I just want
some good advice on what is going on with me...
^_^ Thanks a bunch!
P.S. I'm really shy. Don't have a clue on why this girl loves me! =)
True asexuality is extremely rare. I have only known one asexual in my
life, although I've known many heterosexuals, homosexuals, and bisexuals,
and even a few transsexuals.
If you are really asexual, you aren't crazy, you're just asexual.
However, I think you owe it to yourself to find out whether you are really
asexual or not. I bring this up because I had a faux asexuality which was
really a defense mechanism against feeling bad about something that I felt
I didn't have the power to do. I elevated virginity almost to worship
status, buttressing myself with quotes from The Revelation about the
144,000 who had never known women and thus kept themselves pure. Yeah, I
was pretty crazy for a while. Once I got rid of the craziness, I found
out that I was actually intensely sexual. Of course, then remained the
technical problem of figuring out how to DO something about that besides
masturbate. I've found some interesting special-case solutions,
So, although you don't have to answer these questions here, it might be
worthwhile to think about them:
Do you feel the desire to masturbate and feel guilty about it? Do you
feel that virginity gives you an exhalted or superior status? Are there
any conflicts that you feel? Or do you simply not care? And, if you
simply don't care about sex, are there other things that you feel
Supercomputer Computations Research Institute
Florida State University
Wow! I don't think there WAS a time I DIDN'T have thoughts about the
opposite sex and about sex, etc. I am sure there was, but never did I
explore such a possibility. Very interesting...I'm interested to hear
the outcome of this.
>I've been reading this newsgroup for a while and there is something
>that I have yet to find out about. The subject matter has come close
>several times, but I ask if I am crazy if I am not sexually
>attracted to either the female or male sex. (I am male.) On
>some occasions, I found it might be interesting; but I had no
>intent of doing anything.
>I bring this up because I am in love with a girl; and she is
>just as much in love with me. But I think that when I tell her
>I will stay a virgin until the day I die, she will become sad
>or something. I will talk to her soon about it, I just want
>some good advice on what is going on with me...
>^_^ Thanks a bunch!
>P.S. I'm really shy. Don't have a clue on why this girl loves me! =)
I really can't give you advice on why you seem to have no sexual
desire - it's beyond me...
What I will say though, is that I think it is a bad idea to say that
you "plan" to be a virgin until the day you die. You say you do not
desire sex. Ok, fine, but maybe that will change someday. Maybe even
this girl you love will ignite something in you that you don't even
realize is there. I mean, I haven't the slightest desire to eat raw
squid, but that doesn't mean I am gonna say that I plan to die never
eating it. Maybe I'll be in a squiddy mood someday.
Anyway, you shouldn't lock yourself into a mindset that will deny you
the oppurtunity to experience a wonderful new dimension in your
relationship. And if you tell her that you never ever plan to be
intimate with her, it is telling her that you're inflexible. That is
not a good thing.
The Social Alien
I have to ditto Jon's sentiments on this. Let me share a real quick
personal experience. I know it's not quite on the same level as sex, but
it has similarities.
I don't know where in my childhood I picked it up, but as I became a
teenager, I made up my mind that I "planned" to "never" drink alcohol.
I took this to Fresno State University with me. I went there on a bowling
scholarship (yes, really!!), so the administration thought I was a real
athlete, and put me in the football players dormitory. Talk about out of
place!! But stupid little me insisted on not only not drinking, but
passing judgement on 260lb. linebackers who did! How I kept from getting
the crap kicked out of me, I'll never know. I lost many potential friends,
and one great girl, all because of my "plan" to NEVER drink. It became an
A few years later, with a bit of age and a little maturity - I allowed
myself to get out of the box, and allowed myself the option of changing my
mind. I found out that I don't care much for alcohol, and as it turns out,
I rarely drink at all. But the difference is that I now have the mindset
where I can CHOOSE to change my mind in the future.
Leave your options open. And remember, there is much more to love then
sex. I'm haven't had a single experience involving actual intercourse that
I would call even marginally decent, but there is an awful lot of other
enjoyable things about intimacy besides sex. A female body (or male if
that's your preference, who am I to judge?) is a wonderful creation that
deserves to be slowly explored. That has absolutely nothing to do with
virginity. Guys tend to jump right past love and intimacy for sex. You
might find that by doing the first two, the third may eventually become a
(Gets off the soapbox) ;)
"I won't use words again.....
They don't mean what I meant......
They don't say what I said..."
: I don't know where in my childhood I picked it up, but as I became a
okay, this is something good to keep in mind. i'm also one of those
people who came to college here determined not to drink or not to have
sex (or not to smoke). still i haven't done any of those things, although
the temptation was there and i could have easily succumbed to it. i don't
really consider myself as superior to others because i don't do those
things. my problem isn't with drinking per se. it's when people do it to
get drunk and act obnoxiously as a result. i don't get on the soapbox
with smoking either. i tolerate smoking fairly well-except when i'm eating.
Henrietta Jones College of Arts and Sciences class of '99
happy november, everybody!
"Fantasy is better than reality."
Smoking and alcohol are arguably bad for your health, especially in
excess. Except for diseases, sex in and of itself, I don't think has
been proven to be "bad" for you. That having been said...
I don't drink and don't smoke, though I have tasted both. I know for
a fact I don't like these things, and that knowledge is independent of
any of the health-risks, etc. I don't preach to anybody, unless they
are obviously having health-problems traceable to these activities.
And only then to a close friend or family.
I'm sure sex is a pleasurable activity. I have little basis for
proof, other than natural instincts, but I think its a safe
assumption. It is, however, something I only want to experience with
somebody I am truly in love with (and she the same of me). To me,
that's the best part and the part to look forward to. I could pay for
sex, and I could find sex partners to have one-night stands with.
That's not worth it, I don't think. I'm not one to judge others, so
to each his/her own. I just want to find the woman (though there may
be many, I only need/want one) that shares my opinion in this.