Issue of confidence? Too simple
JimSummers
"confidence" they could get plenty of female attention. Well, honestly it
all seems too simplified. Look at it this way, you've never seen an ugly
man who was acting very extroverted and yet he was getting repeatedly
rejected? For every 1 man with confidence who attracts women by the dozens
there are 3 other men who are acting "confident" who fail miserably and
receive no positive feedback whatsoever. The women look at them and wonder
why he is making such a scene of himself when it is obvious that no one
likes him? So he ends up making a bigger idiot out of himself that he
normally would have if he had just keep silent...
I'm reminded of a guy in my Film class a few years ago who was always
trying to be the class clown but all of the girls wanted nothing to do
with him and thought he was such a dork but the "confidence" advocates
never tell you about the failures of that route, only the successes as
though the whole system of "confidence" was rock solid 100% guaranteed
winner material...
aabne
> trying to be the class clown but all of the girls wanted nothing to do
> with him and thought he was such a dork but the "confidence" advocates
> never tell you about the failures of that route, only the successes as
> though the whole system of "confidence" was rock solid 100% guaranteed
> winner material...
To attract a girl a guy must be very good looking, confident and highly
charismatic. If he is missing just one of those factors he will be rejected.
He has to be confident, but this alone is not enough. He needs to have
the right job, the right hobbies, be part of a fashionable crowd etc.
MrWigglesworth
who is confident is generally more attractive than a guy who isn't. If
you lack the confidence to talk to women, how can you succeed?
Obviously a guy who is handsome, wealthy or has other attractive
qualities will have more success than a guy who doesn't.
>Look at it this way, you've never seen an ugly
>man who was acting very extroverted and yet he was getting repeatedly
>rejected?
Extroversion is not the same as confidence, neither is it the opposite
of shyness.
>For every 1 man with confidence who attracts women by the dozens
>there are 3 other men who are acting "confident" who fail miserably and
>receive no positive feedback whatsoever. The women look at them and wonder
>why he is making such a scene of himself when it is obvious that no one
>likes him? So he ends up making a bigger idiot out of himself that he
>normally would have if he had just keep silent...
The guy who acts confident and "fails" is far more likely to get a date
(eventually) than if he had kept silent. You can't win the lottery
unless you enter, right?
>I'm reminded of a guy in my Film class a few years ago who was always
>trying to be the class clown but all of the girls wanted nothing to do
>with him and thought he was such a dork but the "confidence" advocates
>never tell you about the failures of that route, only the successes as
>though the whole system of "confidence" was rock solid 100% guaranteed
>winner material...
Well, do you think he would have had a better rate of success if he'd
kept silent and avoided women? I doubt it. Being confident is no
guarantee of success, just like running in a race is no guarantee of
winning. A guy who is confident, however, is less likely to let a
rejection get him down. Like Winston Churchill said, "Success is going
from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
MrWigglesworth
>charismatic. If he is missing just one of those factors he will be rejected.
>He has to be confident, but this alone is not enough. He needs to have
>the right job, the right hobbies, be part of a fashionable crowd etc.
Wow, I had no idea I possessed all these qualities. I'm better than I
thought! Unless of course, you're talking total crap. Which you are.
aabne
> of shyness.
That's right - women sniff out fake confidence like dog shit.
RonW
I don't equate class clown with confidence. Most times, a person acting
out like this (clowining) displays the opposite - someone who is insecure
enough to be themself so they facade their true feelings via jokes, put
downs, laughter, and plain old attention getting the wrong way. Class
clowns I have in my memory rarely had the confidence you read about in
those books on positive living. Not saying in every case because I do
know people with a natural ability to make people laugh and smile, without
making themselves out to be a clown. We all know a few as well
celebritywise - Bill Cosby for instance. He has some class mixed in with
his humor - to me that is confidence.
Women like a man who has the confidence not only to be themself, but
shows responsiblility, resourcefulness, and are respectful. Those last
three 'R''s are the key in my opinion. That type of character is really
the best kind of confidence because even though you are 'shy' and non
social, you can work on those three areas and actually supercede a social
weakness when it comes to being attractive to a potiential mate.
There are those cases out there, where the man has that gift of gab/con
artistry who does get their share of attractive women. And as much a a
person might try and imitate the people with these skills, unless it's in
your blood, you never are going to be like that person. It's a whole lot
easier to work on yourself characterwise, because there are other benefits
besides meeting chicks.
RW
JimSummers
thought! Unless of >course, you're talking total crap. Which you are.
You spent most of your teen years dateless and desperate so did it ever
occur to you that perhaps your looks improved over the years and this is
why you were suddenly getting female attention?
MrWigglesworth
> occur to you that perhaps your looks improved over the years and this is
> why you were suddenly getting female attention?
I was never desperate and dateless because I was ugly. In fact I know
of at least three girls in high school who had crushes on me at one
time or another, despite my geekiness, but I was too shy to notice, too
distrustful of girls and too lacking in self confidence to make a move.
My looks started improving once I started university, but it would be
another five years until I started dating. The reason I was able to
start dating was because I started expanding my interests and meeting
people rather than sitting at home playing video games on a Saturday
night.
F家nk
JimSummers <jimsum...@aol.com> wrote :
Sure, confident men often get rejected, but if they are willing to lower
their standards, they end up with a girl. A friend of mine knew a guy like
this, who was rather ugly, clumsy, but he was trying to chat up *every*
woman he was meeting. And my friend has seen him with several girls...
marasu
'nothing ventured, nothing gained'
confidence is merely motivation
motiviation to venture
succeed or fail
success is a gain, but
failure needn't be a loss
JCarr
> I'm reminded of a guy in my Film class a few years ago who was always
> trying to be the class clown but all of the girls wanted nothing to do
> with him and thought he was such a dork but the "confidence" advocates
> never tell you about the failures of that route, only the successes as
> though the whole system of "confidence" was rock solid 100% guaranteed
> winner material...
thats because you are just looking at the hot girls. what about the ugly
ones? they probably enjoyed his antics.
I remember once reading an article which defined self esteem as knowing
and accepting your strengths and your weaknesses. If your weaknesses
is attracting hot women then maybe you should accept that and try for
someone in your league, that's why confidence works
aabne
> another five years until I started dating. The reason I was able to
> start dating was because I started expanding my interests and meeting
> people rather than sitting at home playing video games on a Saturday
> night.
So you cured yourself of shyness, good for you. Not everyone has the
capacity to do that.
Lash Rambo
news:d58e9c5ceb31052e...@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com:
Confidence is more than cracking jokes at strangers. It's more than
speaking in a loud voice to strangers.
Anyway, of course confidence on its own is no magic bullet. There is no
magic bullet for social success. Blame limited resources.
mill...@intergate.com
I think it would be a good time to point out the name of this group -
alt.support.shyness Not all of us can overcome it but those who do
still pop in from time to time to provide "support" for the rest of us
as Mr Wigglesworth does.
MrWigglesworth
> capacity to do that.
No way am I cured of shyness. I still have a terrible time meeting
people and making friends. I'm hemorrhaging friends much faster than I
can make them. I've improved a little bit, but I'm nowhere near
normal. I'm trying though.
ci+
news:1130222630.6...@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
> Like Winston Churchill said, "Success is going
> from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
*n0* loss? i think letting the "failure(s)" lead to altered approaches will lead to better
results..
aabne <de...@corpse.com> in news:435de2a5$0$24332$afc38c87
@news.optusnet.com.au:
>> Extroversion is not the same as confidence, neither is it the opposite
>> of shyness.
>
> That's right - women sniff out fake confidence like dog shit.
but women also freakout over nonexistent stuff... so... i wouldn't try to pin down
reactions... just keep trying... results are more empirical than formulaic... (in my
impression)
August Pamplona
Which explains why 87.3% of the world's 2004 population
increase can be wholly attributted to 27 Saudi family units and one
Mauritanian. It's a little known fact.
August Pamplona
--
Women bring men they like tasks in much the same
way cats put dead mice on their owner's pillows.
- Lola on a.s.s.
a.a. # 1811 apatriot #20 Eater of smut
Proud member of the reality-based community.
The address in this message's 'From' field, in accordance with
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August Pamplona
Bullshit! Clearly if you had been good looking, confident and
highly charismatic the girls would have been tearing down your door to
get at you, had you been sitting at home playing video games on a
Saturday night. See any decent zombie movie for reference.
August Pamplona
No. You have a girlfriend. You can't be shy*!
August Pamplona
* Not in Jim Summer's universe, anyway.
MrWigglesworth
>> from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
>*n0* loss? i think letting the "failure(s)" lead to altered approaches will lead to better
>results..
I don't think the quote meant to keep plugging away with the same
tactic, rather not to let any failures dampen your spirits.
MrWigglesworth
It's a well known fact that when you get a girlfriend you achieve a
state of Nirvana. The heavens open up, the meaning of life is revealed
to you and all of your shyness is melted away.
LJacobs8142
>No way am I cured of shyness. I still have a terrible time meeting
>people and making friends. I'm hemorrhaging friends much faster than I
>can make them. I've improved a little bit, but I'm nowhere near
>normal.
Then you've proved Jim's point. You're still shy. You still have
issues. You still have a terrible time making friends, which is linked
to low confidence. Yet, you have a thin girlfriend who bakes you cakes.
If you were average or ugly looking, that never would have happened.
MrWigglesworth
>issues. You still have a terrible time making friends, which is linked
>to low confidence. Yet, you have a thin girlfriend who bakes you cakes.
>If you were average or ugly looking, that never would have happened.
What am I, Fabio? How many times do I have to say this? The only
reason I found a girlfriend is because I went out and started meeting
women and asking them out. That required a certain measure of
confidence. In the process I started living a fuller life and became a
more interesting and attractive person. My looks had nothing to do
with it. Even when I was a greasy nerd in high school, I still had
female admirers, not that I would have noticed or done anything about
it. I don't care how ugly you are, you can find someone. I know guys
who are so ugly they could make paint peel, but they have partners.
LisatheSequel
No, no... thats what happens when you get "married" and have a
"family". When you have a girlfriend you only stop bullets and your
sh*t ceases to stink.
LisatheSequel
*nodnod*
zen_dog
>charismatic. If he is missing just one of those factors he will be rejected.
>He has to be confident, but this alone is not enough. He needs to have
>the right job, the right hobbies, be part of a fashionable crowd etc.
You know, you and your alter-ego say so many stupid and wrong-headed
things it's almost impossible to keep up with them. I mean, does it
bother you, or do you even realize how completely full of shit you are?
I mean, where to begin?
What makes you believe that confident people are also always
extroverted people? That's just dumb. Does all of your brain actually
work?
People can be confident in one area and less so in another.
Look, no matter what you say the problem comes down to the fact that
YOU are your biggest problem.
ZenDog
zen_dog
So you smell like dog shit?
ZenDog
zen_dog
>"family". When you have a girlfriend you only stop bullets and your
>sh*t ceases to stink.
Yes - I noticed that. But I keep incense in the bathroom anyway.
ZenDog
JimSummers
meeting women and asking >them out.
"Went out"?? Why do you have to "go out" to find women if you are
simply sitting right beside them in a college classroom? You act as though
women are some remote species who don't exist in your daily life all around
you?
MrWigglesworth
>simply sitting right beside them in a college classroom? You act as though
>women are some remote species who don't exist in your daily life all around
>you?
Well firstly, I studied engineering and computer science so women were
few and far between. I had to meet women elsewhere. If you limit
yourself to the classroom then you aren't going to have a lot to choose
from. You said yourself that it is slim pickings in your classes.
Besides, when I started dating at 23 I'd already left university and
had been working for a couple of years. I've seen too many people get
burned by dating coworkers and I didn't want to head down that road.
The majority of my workplace is men anyway.
Sure, the idea of meeting a woman in the produce aisle of the
supermarket is romantic and everything, but not many people meet that
way in reality. You have to go out and do things.
LJacobs8142
Why couldn't you just be ugly? Too much work was put into getting rid
of DudeNe to have to deal with this crap now. For the first time in
years, ASS is beginning to not look like a sideshow. Let's keep it that
way.
Lash Rambo
@newsreader3.netcologne.de:
Having a girlfriend allowed me to single-handedly deflect an asteroid that
would otherwise have smashed into Earth, killing zillions.
Lash Rambo
news:1130378744.2...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
>>Then you've proved Jim's point. You're still shy. You still have
>>issues. You still have a terrible time making friends, which is linked
>>to low confidence. Yet, you have a thin girlfriend who bakes you cakes.
>>If you were average or ugly looking, that never would have happened.
>
> What am I, Fabio? How many times do I have to say this? The only
> reason I found a girlfriend is because I went out and started meeting
> women and asking them out.
(Psst! Dude! I think we should ride this one.)
Yes, we ARE Fabioses! Bow before our manly pecs and golden locks! Perhaps
in better times we shall allow you to buff the nails of our toes with
buffing sticks we allow you to buy for us!
August Pamplona
You two go take up camwhoring for buffing sticks, then, why
don't you?
August Pamplona
MrWigglesworth
>don't you?
I'm not emo enough to be a camwhore. All of that eyeliner would
probably give me a rash.
aabne
Dumbfuck, you know I wasn't literally talking about odors.
LisatheSequel
I *thought* that hero bore a striking resemblance to you! UH!!! 0_0
Lash Rambo
news:1130482560.5...@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
We can have a right biceps cam. Each day, at a random moment, we will flex
for the adoration of all.
Lash Rambo
news:3sdvduF...@individual.net:
> Lash Rambo wrote:
>> "MrWigglesworth" <mrwiggles...@hotmail.com> wrote in
>> news:1130378744.2...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
>>
>>
>>>>Then you've proved Jim's point. You're still shy. You still have
>>>>issues. You still have a terrible time making friends, which is
>>>>linked to low confidence. Yet, you have a thin girlfriend who bakes
>>>>you cakes. If you were average or ugly looking, that never would
>>>>have happened.
>>>
>>>What am I, Fabio? How many times do I have to say this? The only
>>>reason I found a girlfriend is because I went out and started meeting
>>>women and asking them out.
>>
>>
>> (Psst! Dude! I think we should ride this one.)
>>
>> Yes, we ARE Fabioses! Bow before our manly pecs and golden locks!
>> Perhaps in better times we shall allow you to buff the nails of our
>> toes with buffing sticks we allow you to buy for us!
>
> You two go take up camwhoring for buffing sticks, then, why
> don't you?
Truthfully, there is no camera fit to capture the fruits of our high-
quality genes. Our perfect symmetry alone would short-circuit all modern
digital cameras.
>
> August Pamplona
Lash Rambo
news:djsu0n$43i$3...@newsreader3.netcologne.de:
Oh shit! Don't tell anyone, k?
Lobsterboy
to atract women...but that doesen't mean that's the only thing it
takes. The film class guy you mention is a good example.
MrWigglesworth
ci+
news:1130370454....@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
oh.. thx, right.
def he impl;ied that maintained enthusiasm would lead to invnetive approach (which is human nature), the *opposite* of same
dullard failed tactics..
--
"Every time a lightbulb breaks, a little argon gets it's wings."
ThePu...@msn.com
There's this guy who as just started at work and he is super confident.
Everybody hates him. All the women call him non stop.
He never stops talking as well and he is HATED by all these women. I've
never known anybody at work get called so much. It seems you can be
over confident and too friendly.
ci+
otoh, hr's probably happier not knowing.... or than being 'morose'...
--
"You know you're a Republican if... you'd still vote for Bush."