Suicide
Oli
suicide within the first five years of initial diagnosis.
I guess they are still adjusting to the illness and the impact on
their life.
So sad.
I had a lot of suicidal thoughts soon after I was diagnosed. It was
actually when I was treated and first stable again. I suddenly was
sane and had insight and was totally devastated about having been
diagnosed with this illness, and totally devastated when I looked back
on my crazy behaviour and thoughts when I was unwell. I remember
thinking that I would rather be dead than ever have to go through that
again. I thought my life was going to be horrible now that I had this
illness.... and I just was not interested in living this horrible
life.
Anyway.............
I got through that, and now am positive about the future. I also
think that I will survive whatever happens, even if I get unwell
again.
It has been a process of adjusting and acceptance.
Miguel Alberto
suicide. I wanted it fast and easy. Who wants it painful? But, I was in
Massachusetts where THEY are so restrictive on guns. If I could have got
a gun I would have blown my brains out, but, in Massachusetts it was
impossible for people like me to get a gun. But then, I got out of
Massachusetts, and I was free to quit the dopamine blockers
(antipsychotic drugs), and life became worth living again.
xgnaon 355
edd47a...@r15g2000prd.googlegroups.com:
My voices told me the day I would die once.
It came and passed and I'm still here.
Fuck suicide. Imagine every cell of your body slowly starving to death.
Must hurt more than anything imaginable.
xgnaon 355
news:klm2c49qkk3729bbj...@4ax.com:
> It is antidepressants that make me depressed and suicidal.
Effexor (the first time) made me perma-manic on 150mg. Great experience. I
ended up going trial-and-error at a coffee shop until I kissed a girl on
the lips for a first time. THANK YOU EFFEXOR!
It didn't work so well the second time (after I cold-turkey everything at
once during a psychotic break).
Lexapro's nice though. Increases my Abilify blood-lvel (Abilify fucking
rocks).
Make note that Abilify is a dopamine *stimulant*, not antagonist. It made
me horny and wired. Love that stuff.
Oli
> socialsecurity@statepatrolspies wrote innews:klm2c49qkk3729bbj...@4ax.com:
Speaking of guns......... I'm in Australia. We have VERY restrictive
gun laws here and I am glad about that.
We have never had a school shooting.
It is very rare for there to be a domestic shooting.
It is very rare for there to be a shooting in the street.
Sometimes these things do happen of course.............. but it is
very very rare.
I am glad about this. I don't think any family should be allowed to
keep a gun in their home without a special licence.
So I am all for restrictive gun laws.
Miguel Alberto
The Bible says that if we don't
forgive people we wont be forgiven. If we don't forgive people, no
matter how devout we are with any other part of religion, it will do no
good. We could fast, pray, do devotions, worship, read the Bible all our
spare time, but, if we don't forgive any person, it's to Hell in a hand
basket. The Underworld is that
region with globally bent timespaces. In there the value of pi is less
than in flat timespace, where it is the well known 3.14159265...
Dr. Lisa Randall, quantum physics
professor in Harvard University, defined the direction in and out of
this region to be the fifth dimension.
Personally, it is experienced by
taking advantage of that technical physiology you didn't understand. One
safe and more public method has been "holotropic breathing" (see
http://www.holotropic.com for more information). Coincidently,
crucifixion forces holotropic breathing.
There is another way of going in
that was described in Alchemy 61. Quantum entanglement with a fast
polarity cancellation rate will bring you into the Underworld, unless
freemasons find out you are doing this, and then THEY will do all THEY
can to block you. THEY would "bind the astral light" with "astral
turbulence". That war even influences the weather so that you can even
use it to control the weather to a certain extent.
The recipe is: mix salt and vinegar
in a bowl. This mixture is a good conductor of electricity. To make it
an even better conductor of electricity, disolve copper in it.
This ordinarily takes a long time,
but, what you can do is get a lantern battery, and wire up two pieces of
copper from each pole like an elctroplating set up and put these in the
vingar & salt.
When the mixture turns bluish-green
you have a very good conductor. Now put soluable "opposite polarities"
with yours (if you get my drift) in that mixture, bottle it up, and hide
it. For example, used kleenexes could be squeezed out (like a voodoo).
Even from a thousand miles away, it will draw you into the Underworld.
You and your partner of the "opposite polarity" are the fire.
When you have gone in a little ways,
just a ritual will get you what you want. A little further in, an
appropriate symbol will get you what you want. Further in, just writing
down what you want will get it.
Further in, just speaking what you
want will get it. "If you have the faith of a mustard seed and say to
this mountain move it shall be moved." You have gone to the probability
timeline where the mountain is elsewhere.
Going further into the Underworld
like this makes it easier and easier to go to the timelines where you
get what you want. Still further in and what you visualize comes true.
Then, every thought manifests as your reality. Can you control every
thought?
Reverend Magee on radio said, "In
Hell you get everything you want; and; that's the problem. With just any
thought of what might go wrong manifesting as your reality, you can
understand.
But, it's like with the Babylonian
kings. They were bound by their own rulings. If you rule that you're to
be in a bound, helpless position for a while, you will have to live that
out.
The thing that usually happens is
that when thngs go wrong you wish you were someone else, and, 'zap', you
are that someone else. From my experience, it only lasts until that
someone else sleeps or dies, but, then it's on to another body.
That's body switching, going
backward and forward in time, from body to body, called "rastering". It
looks like the Rasterferians are a mystery school. Just like that
"raster" in a TV screen that composes the whole picture, you become
everyone consciously, and everything subconsciously. You become the
"Rasterman".
The freemasons call that conductive
mixture of Hellfire a "shekina", from the Hebrew word. But, THEY don't
want unauthorized and nonmembers using it. THEY think they hold the
exclusive property rights to the Underworld. And, THEY think THEY can
"wash the wall of Hell". We would like you to spread this and show THEM
that THEY can't.
Oli
> The Bible says that if we don't
> forgive people we wont be forgiven. If we don't forgive people, no
> matter how devout we are with any other part of religion, it will do no
> good. We could fast, pray, do devotions, worship, read the Bible all our
> spare time, but, if we don't forgive any person, it's to Hell in a hand
> basket. The Underworld is that
> region with globally bent timespaces. In there the value of pi is less
> than in flat timespace, where it is the well known 3.14159265...
> Dr. Lisa Randall, quantum physics
> professor in Harvard University, defined the direction in and out of
> this region to be the fifth dimension.
> Personally, it is experienced by
> taking advantage of that technical physiology you didn't understand. One
You sound like you are currently very unwell.
Take care of yourself friend.
xgnaon 355
news:20434-48C...@storefull-3132.bay.webtv.net:
>
> The Bible says that if we don't
> forgive people we wont be forgiven. If we don't forgive people, no
> matter how devout we are with any other part of religion, it will do
> no good.
Better:
"Blame's a stupid concept".
What is is, and hating beings for it sounds just stupid.
> The recipe is: mix salt and vinegar
> in a bowl. This mixture is a good conductor of electricity. To make it
> an even better conductor of electricity, disolve copper in it.
> This ordinarily takes a long time,
> but, what you can do is get a lantern battery, and wire up two pieces
> of copper from each pole like an elctroplating set up and put these in
> the vingar & salt
> When the mixture turns bluish-green
> you have a very good conductor. Now put soluable "opposite polarities"
> with yours (if you get my drift) in that mixture, bottle it up, and
> hide it. For example, used kleenexes could be squeezed out (like a
> voodoo). Even from a thousand miles away, it will draw you into the
> Underworld. You and your partner of the "opposite polarity" are the
> fire.
I've done stuff like this before. Set up little magic devices all over
my parents' basement.
Stuff like mixing pramiracetam and activated charcoal to make 'smart
charcoal' that'd know what I want it to absorb.
I even created a symbol of 'God's Dick' out of a bar of cocoa butter
(God's black of course). Mixed it with shaving cream.
I made different batches of coins infused with different types of energy
(all under the direction of an extrasolar 'angel').
There were 2 different cleaning clothes infused with 2 different halves
of her energy (blue and brown). Also two different belts (brown and
white). The concept of 'blackface' (hiding in dirt) was very important
to my trip.
I was terrified of castration by either the DHS or terrorists. One of my
trashcans would go to either organization, I thought.
Turned out to all be BS as far as I know. I'll write a better
description in my 'True Schizophrenia Stories' thread sometime.
Why not just live a simple unknowing forgiving medicated Christian sheep
life and just go to Heaven / a better world, slipping right under the
Freemason/demon radar just like most of the human population does?
Marvin Barley
When I was diagnosed, psychiatrists and "technicians", the lower
medical staff that didn't even finish medical school, made it
deliberately dreadful, terminal and pompous sounding.
The psychiatry lives on myth that schizophrenic are uncontrollable
evil that chops random victims by kitchen knife and packs them into
bags. They will never fight "stigma", they would have lost jobs
without it.
xgnaon 355
b288-d2c...@j22g2000hsf.googlegroups.com:
> without it.
5.9 Plateau Sigma
A few people have independently contacted me about an additional plateau
-- one reached not by increasing the dosage but by prolonging the
experience. I searched for some time for a name before settling on
"Plateau Sigma", both because it seems to be related to sigma activity
(see Section 10.2) and because it occurs as one sums up small doses
(sigma being the mathematical symbol for summation). This summation may
lead to a strong potentiation of the psychotomimetic effects of DXM
(227). Over half the people who had a Plateau Sigma experience have said
it was extremely unpleasant and that they would never repeat it.
The most commonly reported dosage regimen for Plateau Sigma is given
below. However, before giving it, I warn you strongly against making this
sort of attempt. DXM at high dosages is probably hard both on the brain
and the body, and extending the experience is likely to increase the
chance for dangerous side effects. Furthermore, one must be experienced
enough with DXM, with the psychedelic experience in general, and with
one's own mind, to be able to understand the experience. Everyone who has
reported a successful experience with this dosage regimen has been at
least 23 years of age. While I do not doubt that some younger people may
be capable of having a good experience at this plateau, most seem to be
unable to understand it and unable to control it, and there may be a real
danger of psychotic breaks. Finally, the experience is in some ways
acutely uncomfortable, as one's contact with inner and outer reality
seems to break down entirely.
Combining suggestions from others I have come up with the following
dosage regimen. Start relatively early in the day (the experience
degrades if one is too fatigued), at about 6 to 10 hours after awakening.
It helps tremendously if one is in good physical shape and not under
emotional stress. Take a low second plateau dose. In three hours (or
about 1 hour after the peak), take a second low plateau dose. At three
more hours (or, again, 1 hour after second peak) take a high second
plateau or low third plateau dose. After coming down from the third
plateau, instead of going back to the second plateau and down to
baseline, you may be left in Plateau Sigma. Drugs which inhibit
cytochrome P450-2D6 seem to enhance the duration and intensity of the
experience. Nicotine is reported to inhibit it, and may even prevent it
entirely.
At Plateau Sigma interesting things happen to reality. Some have reported
vivid, entirely realistic contacts with alien entities, spirits, gods and
goddesses. Unlike the fourth plateau, these contacts often take place
with eyes open, immersed in everyday reality. Although none of the people
who reported these experiences to me had bad trips, most related that the
experiences were so real that they felt they easily could have.
Vision suffers a curious change, seeming to consist of well-processed but
highly strobed images; so strong is the effect that it seems as if one is
looking at the world under a fast strobe light. The eyes don't seem to
track in synch with the inner 3D model of the world, so that when one
looks to one side or another, the world lurches back and forth for a
moment. Interestingly, it almost seems as if one is looking at the world
from an inner vision with the eyes closed (see Section 5.11).
Finally, thoughts can be totally deranged. Connections between entirely
unrelated ideas form, causality goes out to lunch, and one's personality
seems pretty much dissolved into the universe. Expect to hear a lot of
voices; some people find themselves totally obedient to them. There seems
to be a "tireless" quality to the experience, as if one does not feel
either fatigue or emotion directly, but only receives information from
the inner voices ("sit down now, you're tired"). There are interesting
comparisons both to accounts of acute schizophrenia and to Jaynes'
postulated bicameral mind (350).
Again, let me warn you of the dangers here. You are probably stepping
head first into psychosis, and unless you've got a very good trip sitter,
you might end up coming back to reality in a padded room. Or, if you're
really unlucky, you might freak out, have a hypertensive crisis, and end
up in the hospital. Chronic high-dose use of PCP has been implicated both
in deterioration of some brain areas and in cerebral hemorrhages. While
PCP stands somewhat alone among dissociatives due to its additional and
peculiar pharmacology, one should always be cautious when blazing trails
in uncharted territory.
One last time: Be Careful!
valash
Hello Oli,
That is a scary article you read about people with schizophrenia
committing suicide. Do you have a link to the article? I will do some
research on the subject. I am glad that you are well. I was diagnosed
with schizophrenia about a year ago, but I have not had any suicidal
thoughts, thank God. I am taking a drug called abilify and it really
helps me with the symptoms, however, it makes me stiff.
-Ashley