weird stuff
Carmel Pacey Digby
anything. He reckons it's all hysterical bullshit aimed at controlling
him.
He also reckons I have psychological problems and need help. The
problem? Wait for it.... Violence! After he just spent ten years
being violent to me! So now it's not his problem, but mine. He
threatened me with violence again yesterday, too, and I told him if he
ever lays a finger on me again he'll be discussing it with the police.
We've agreed on a split of the money from the farm sale (when it
happens), and it involves him staying on in a joint venture. I told him
that if the thing fails and he looks like coming out of it with nothing,
I will give him back some of my share. He got really angry about this,
and told me that I was trying to control his life.
Very weird. I just can't understand any more. And what's more, I'm not
too interested in trying. But I can't escape the conclusion that he's
finally flipped right over into paranoia.
I'll be very glad to cut completely free ASAP.
Carmel
--
"Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel.
Stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself!"
Web sites at http://www.jaragun.com/
http://www.geocities.com/peripata/
bunny
Very weird indeed.
Are you planning on staying in that area?
hey! thought of you the other day - was in a snooty hoity toity english
tea house/shop here in victoria - huge place - they had 'Australian'
ginger for sale - I checked the box, but they have their name on the
packet. Murchies. Damn, didn't think to try to remember the price.
--
Eliz.
^^^^^
"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named
after a part of my own ass, okay?"
Denis Leary.
Carmel Pacey Digby
here. But I plan to go on a trip of some kind for a while once I have
some money.
The Australian ginger could have been from us. Some of our wholesalers
export small amounts, but mostly we're selling the processed products
now. Was it yellow?
;)
Carmel
bunny
quite hard aka old.
Where are you thinking of going for holiday?
Jils
what other colour does it come in?
yo carmel. hope this behaviour strengthens your resolve to cut
all ties with that man.
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in
message news:3C6E10F7...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Carmel Pacey Digby
Carmel
Carmel Pacey Digby
At least I want to go and spend some time with Dad while he's still
around, and catch up with some old friends. Maybe a short cruise or
something. Anything to get the hell away from here for a while,
really.
Carmel
Meg
wreaking havoc, but good to hear that at least he's keeping his hands to
himself. And then I wonder, whatever happened to the (term, that Oz term...)
'woofer (?)' who had joined Colin in paranoia? I think his name was Mike,
but I might be wrong about that.
Best regards, Meg
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C6DEF2C...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Basia
just aren't worth the investment of time and energy.
Eliz, I love Murchies' teas! My next-door neighbor gave me some last
year (Apricot Blend, I think), and it's the best tea I've had. No
bitterness! I visited their website, but was disappointed that they
don't accept online orders. Oh well. They do send out catalogs.
bunny <coco...@shaw.ca> wrote in message news:<3C6DF3EF...@shaw.ca>...
Joan Carter
<mlge...@direc1tv2inter3net.com> wrote:
}So good to see your name this morning, Carmel! Sorry to hear that Colin's
}wreaking havoc, but good to hear that at least he's keeping his hands to
}himself. And then I wonder, whatever happened to the (term, that Oz term...)
}'woofer (?)' who had joined Colin in paranoia? I think his name was Mike,
}but I might be wrong about that.
I echo what Meg said, Carmel. It WAS good to hear from you. I was also
wondering about the woofer.
You could always visit Eliz in Victoria, Canada. Her noisy neighbours
have gone now. :-)
---
Joan
Lynne
been at times.
Sending good thoughts and support your way, lady.
- Lynne
Carmel Pacey Digby <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C6DEF2C...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Gaylan
So very glad to hear from you. Watch out for Colin now, he does not sound
to be in control.
I have a sick neighbour; her daughter asked me if I thought her mother was
"doing this" to "get back at" and control her father. Jeez.
Gaylan
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C6DEF2C...@cyberwizards.com.au...
SYLV77
>I'll be very glad to cut completely free ASAP
And I'll be glad to hear about it. It sounds like he is not in control of
himself. Please be very careful around him! I hope he took your threat of the
police seriously.
Sylvia
bunny
Where you at? BC? Ever been in the store? HUGE!
--
Pam Stauffer
chattered over tea.
"Did you see the *size of that booger?" said one.
"And such a horrible green!" replied the other.
<shudder>
"bunny" <coco...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
news:3C6F1196...@shaw.ca...
Carmel Pacey Digby
there and visits him from time to time. He went to a lot of trouble to
get Mark a birthday present, and gave him all the study materials and
text books from our Geology course. Last week he took his new lady to
Mark's place for a barbecue. Not knowing Merle (the lady friend), but
only going by what Colin has told me, I'd say the three of them are
perfect matches for each other. Hence, perhaps, the excess of
paranoia.
Carmel
Rhonda
" you may think you're hot snot on a silver platter, but you're only
cold boogers on a paper plate"
Rhonda
Basia
someone else in the shop. :)
I'm all the way over in the Detroit area, so no, I haven't been out to
BC. But it is tops on my list of "someday" trips. It's got mountains
and water, all the stuff I prefer.
The little old lady who lives next door, has a niece who won a trip to
Vancouver to see the whales. While on the trip, she picked up some
Murchies' tea for her aunt, who brought some over for me to try.
I remembered the name of that particularly yummy tea: Apricot Mango
Blend. Heavenly!
"Pam Stauffer" <stau...@oregonfcu.com> wrote in message news:<a4nekm$1ge17$1...@ID-96096.news.dfncis.de>...
Basia
Among such paranoids, I wonder who's fat was on the fire?
Carmel Pacey Digby <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message news:<3C6F61D5...@cyberwizards.com.au>...
bunny
>
> reminds me of favorite fifth grade expression:
>
> " you may think you're hot snot on a silver platter, but you're only
> cold boogers on a paper plate"
Private school right?
Eliz.
^^^^^
"The sun came out on Wednesday, but it didn't reach into the
black despair caused by your separation. It is a cultural desert
here. Thank God I have brought my Nevil Shute books"
Adrian Mole
Mona
There may just be some weird bond between them or more of a friendship than
Colin has admitted to. I've been really tight with some gals in my life. I
never set any of my friends up anywhere though.. Maybe it is just my
experience that makes it seem peculiar.
--
Laura
Queen of the Mercury Amalgam Aspartame Multiple Sclerosis Society
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C6F61D5...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Jils
on the ..
oh
never mind
"Basia" <Basia...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:c0a130b5.02021...@posting.google.com...
Carmel Pacey Digby
bond in a common history of childhood abuse. I don't know how far that
goes. I don't care any more, so long as they don't bother me.
Carmel
Carmel Pacey Digby
Carmel
--
Rhonda
you know that I was happy to hear from you and that you are still
pushing through the briars. Hang in there. Rhonda
Rhonda
still endure such difficulties. I am relieved that you are able to
continue to move on in a better, healthier direction.
<plonk>
Rhonda :)
On Sun, 17 Feb 2002 18:17:09 -0500, Rhonda <rpw...@ix.netcom.com>
wrote:
Gaylan
regularly, and his history is one of unprovoked anger, frequently resulting
in Carmel being hurt. And if you all remember her story, you will remember
that when that happens, he blames **her. It is always Carmel's fault.
<shudder>
Gaylan
"Rhonda" <rpw...@ix.netcom.com> wrote in message
news:cje07ucca8k4vvkcm...@4ax.com...
bunny
That's gotta sting.
--
Carmel Pacey Digby
I'm living in town, though. Neighbours are close by, and the police
only a block away. He yells and threatens, and tears off in a rage, but
he hasn't done much more than that.
:) He got a speeding ticket a couple of months ago, and told me he got
it going to the market. He didn't pay it and got a further fine and an
enforcement notice. I got the receipt for the payment when he
eventually made it, and saw by the date and location, that he had got
the ticket, not on the way to the market, but after zooming out of here
in a temper, leaving half his tyres on the road. He-he. There is some
justice! Only trouble is, the fine had to come out of farm income. Oh
well. :)
I just feel a bit stressed and want out as quickly as I can now. And I
don't want his @#$%*& new *girl*friend shoved in my face any more.
Don't worry. Be happy. :)
Love
Carmel
--
jdgargoyle
It is great to hear from you! I totally agree with Sylvia. something about
him being close to you really bothers me! I don't mean to make you paranoid
or anything but please be careful...
Colin definitely has a screw loose, now I cannot be sure if that is a your
normal run of the mill slotted screw, or the more complicated phillips head
that crosses both ways, if you get my drift. or is it a male or female head
thing? a combo? I know a gender bender with an extension on a computer
plug...lol. male--female--male or, well I think you get my point...(man
that's bad..point.)
hell, maybe its a kinky swingers thing? : ) oh, we could have some fun with
that, maybe we could get Keith to write the story?...lol
Good thoughts being sent your way
--
Take Care : )
JulieD
We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp,
some are pretty, some are dull,
some need to hold a sign
some have weird names,
and all are different colors....
but they all have to learn to live
in the same box.
"SYLV77" <syl...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20020216201419...@mb-cm.aol.com...
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.324 / Virus Database: 181 - Release Date: 2/14/02
Gloria
It sounds like you have gone through a very rough time. Glad to hear your
doing your best to help yourself. Colin doesn't sound like a good man, any
man who hits a women is a coward, as far as I'm concerned.
Gloria
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C703289...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Robbie Christiansen, Native Texan
Hi there, I have been away for several months but just want to say how very
sorry I am that you are going through this stuff!
I was an abused child and then a battered wife for 11 years - (married at
age 17 to get away). I know I was having early symptoms of MS during those
years too. Then after I left him - symptoms were not as severe. He made
all those comments about me too. Unless it served his purpose to say
"sorry, my wife was sick and I couldn't pay the rent, because of the meds,
baby sitter, etc. . . ." or, this was the straw "my wife is unstable and
wrote the 'hot check' - this is when he was spending money like crazy and no
job!"
People do this when they feel threatened and inferior. I don't know your
story but I do remember when you and Colin were having problems - was that
last year? or longer?
Here I thought everything was going great with your shop in town and him at
the farm. Sorry, so sorry. Please take care of yourself. My ex was/is a
narcissist and thinks only of himself. Nothing has changed in all these
years.
But now I have Chris and he makes up for all the horrible things I went
through.
You are and will be in my thoughts.
Robbie C.
Trinity, TX
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C70BC02...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Pauline
> But I can't escape the conclusion that he's
> finally flipped right over into paranoia.
>
> I'll be very glad to cut completely free ASAP.
>
Hoping that day is on the horizon Carmel.
Take care,
Pauline
Robbie C., Native Texan
"Carmel Pacey Digby" wrote...
> > But I can't escape the conclusion that he's
> > finally flipped right over into paranoia.
> >
> > I'll be very glad to cut completely free ASAP.
> >
>
I just read my earlier post - I seemed to relive my ordeal when I read
about your situation. Please be careful in your dealings with Colin at
this time. If possible, try to have a third person there. Especially
talking about finances.
*I tend to get "mean" when somebody messes with my "pocketbook". ;-)
I know you will be relieved when you are completely free and out of
this situation. But it seems that if you are going to continue in
business with him there is always opportunity for more hurt. Can he,
or would he be able to buy your part of the company?
How is your health during this time? are you getting the rest you
need? I know you have family close by are they helping you?
I don't mean to be nosy - just had personal experience with this
problem - we had a business too, it was awful separating everything.
If I can help in any way, please email me.
Take care, you are in my thoughts.
Robbie C.
Trinity, TX
Carmel Pacey Digby
because he has no money. Business plans etc are all Greek to him, so he
has little chance of negotiating a loan on the basis of the business to
buy me out. It's obvious he can't run it himself. He also has only
one brain cell functioning at the moment - the other one having taken up
residence in his dick.
However, there are several people interested in buying the property and
business, and there are three options, so far as I can see, to do this.
(1) Sell outright if the buyer can meet our asking price,
(2) Sell the farm, buying Colin out, and I keep the rights to the
processing business, and relocate it,
(3) Leave some equity in the business, purchase price to buy me out and
pay the bank, while Colin stays on in a joint venture situation.
A fourth solution would be to drop the price and take what we can get.
I've been reluctant to do that, but am feeling fed up enough to go for
it right now.
I guess the sensible thing is to stick it out for a couple more weeks
until some of these prospective buyers can get here and take a look. I
hope the time goes fast, that's all.
My health is actually dramatically improved. So much so that everyone I
meet remarks on it. One friend, who also has mobility problems and
walks with a stick, asked me what had happened to make this dramatic
improvement. I said, "I left Colin". "Bum," she said. "I haven't got a
Colin I can leave."
My mental health is a different matter, though. I feel very "up and
down". Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. Other times, I wish I could
just lie down and switch my life off. I'm not really suicidal, i.e. I
wouldn't actively do anything to end it all. I just sometimes wish it
were possible to decide to leave, and do so. Other times, I feel
stronger, and, although very sad and still angry, I can look forward
rather than back. I'm going to see a counsellor next week, and try to
sort some things out.
Finalising it all will be a great relief, but I think I still have a lot
of grieving and soul-searching to do. Colin has successfully avoided
all that by diving straight into a new relationship as soon as he got
rid of me. I believe they're using each other. For him, it's a means
of avoiding having to deal with what went wrong, and a boost to his ego,
which is damaged by his failure with me. For her, it's her last
chance. She's 65 (Colin is 52), never been married, hasn't worked in 30
years, and finds it too "challenging" to visit Colin at the farm. He
has to go to her, twice a week (not consecutive days). He spent $2000
on this in December, when I was too sick to know or care what was
happening - resulting in a severe deficit in business profits for that
month.
He's letting the business go to hell in order to run after her. I don't
know what will happen once it's all sold. My feeling is that he will
than have very little left to hurt me with, and some of the point will
go out of this new relationship. He's been flaunting it at every
opportunity, as hurtfully as possible. (He loves her because she's
everything I'm not. I'm too intellectual, ambitious, perfectionist
etc. I'm not too sure just what that says about her.)
The straw that broke the camel's back as far as this goes, was
Valentine's Day. He's always heaped scorn on it, and refused to even
buy me a card. This year, however, it was the greatest celebration of
the year - obviously at her demand. He couldn't do any marketing, and
missed an important business meeting because of non-negotiable mid-week
arrangements he had made with her. All of this was done in such a way
as to make me maximally aware of it, and hurt by it. Then, when the big
day finally came and he took her out for a special romantic lunch, guess
where he went? Of all the fine restaurants in the area, he had to take
her to the one where my daughter, Annette, works, and have Annette wait
on her.
I was disgusted, and so was Annette. There was just no need to be so
offensive and hurtful about the whole thing. It made me realise I'm
well rid of him, and she's welcome to him. It seems to me they deserve
each other. I suppose it's pretty vengeful of me, but I hope he gets
his when it all falls apart. I'm ashamed of feeling like that, and I
hope this feeling will change, but that's how it is right now.
Meanwhile, I need out, and will be very glad when the business can be
sold - even if it means getting less than it's worth.
Carmel
--
Kathryn Cummings
be missing a lot. Have just read your post; is there any chance you may be
able to start up again without Colin? You have all the necessities and I
firmly believe if you don't use it then you lose it!! You have to keep your
brain cells active, why not in something that you find absorbing and can
handle, on your own. With something to look forward to you will be able to
put him totally out of your thoughts; quite frankly, I think he is going
thru male menopause!!!!!! Anyway, it was just a thought. Kathryn
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C764016...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Joan Carter
<car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote:
}I suppose it's pretty vengeful of me, but I hope he gets
}his when it all falls apart. I'm ashamed of feeling like that, and I
}hope this feeling will change, but that's how it is right now.
What it says to me, Carmel, is that you are human. Don't be ashamed of
feeling what most people in your shoes would. No one expects sainthood
from you.
Wishing you nothing but good things. Am glad your physical health has
improved. Next the emotional stuff. That man has done big damage to
you. Let me at him for a bit. :-)
---
Joan
Carmel Pacey Digby
to take his cruelty out on animals and (mentally at least) on his
parents. There's always been this streak of hatefulness in him. Now
I'm in the firing line. No worries. Been there before. He's just a
prick.
Putting him out of my thoughts is a much desired goal, but impossible so
long as I have to run the business with him. That's why I need out -
now! Carrying it on without him is certainly possible, and I've been
offered lots of assistance to bring the facility into town. I'm
thinking about it. But, quite frankly, I feel burned out at the moment
and I'd like nothing better than to just forget the whole thing. I may
regret that later. But I have plenty of other things I can do besides
this. Like painting. And graphics.
I'm going to see a mental health counsellor this week. Yesterday he was
vile to me again, and I got so angry I just got in the car and drove
away. All I wanted was to floor the accelerator until I slammed into
something. It was anger. No, RAGE! And if it took my life that just
didn't matter at the time. I had to fight this impulse all the way
home. I knew it was imperative to (a) get help, and (b) get out ASAP.
But the knowledge that, if I did do it, he would only sit back and
smirk, calling it "just another game" was what really stopped me. I
wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
I hate feeling like this. This negativity is not me and I don't want
it. I want my life and my peace of mind back. Keeping right away from
him is the only way to achieve it. I just don't know how to get through
the time until this can happen.
Carmel
Kathryn Cummings wrote:
quite frankly, I think he is going
> thru male menopause!!!!!! Anyway, it was just a thought. Kathryn
--
Susan Esterby
Please be VERY careful. Women who have been abused by their spouses are
at the greatest risk of being murdered by them right when they decide to
get out and start a new life.
Just a thought,
Susan E
Carmel Pacey Digby
departing spouse? ;)
Carmel
--
Adelle Stavis
their abusive spouses in situations where the women, knowing their spouses
patterns, killed the guys at opportune moments. The courts wouldn't call it
'self defense' because the women weren't in immediate danger (i.e., the guy
hadn't hit yet, only yelled, or he had his back turned, or there was a means
of egress, but she didn't try to run...).
You keep saying Colin is doing things which dissipate business funds, or you
are willing to let him use business funds for something. Cut it out!!! Talk
to your lawyer about getting the court to appoint a receivership (does it
make sense in terms of the business, and would doing so endanger you by
provoking Colin?).
Intermingling business and personal funds is a major no-no, as is using
business funds for personal expenses. This is your future. Don't be willing
to give up the farm (in this case, literally, but I mean figuratively, too)
to get rid of him. don't sell yourself out. I don't mean to be callous - but
if you were 20 years younger, you'd have time to recoup the loss before
wanting to retire. Do you think you have that amount of time, now?
Adelle
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C788E48...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Carmel Pacey Digby
probably won't. As for the farm, I really just need to be free of it,
and him. No amount of money is worth the loss of my peace of mind. I'd
rather live on a pension than grimly hang on in the face of what's
happening currently. Thanks for your concern and advice.
Carmel
Gaylan
"Joan Carter" <jeca...@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:ihuf7uku12c2o2e4r...@4ax.com...
> you. Let me at him for a bit. :-)
> ---
> Joan
Yes. Let me at him, too. As Donn once said, I get a little touchy when
it's one of our own.
Gaylan
Eagle Way2
want his @#$%*& new *girl*friend shoved in my face any more.<<
Didn't take him long to find another victim, did it??!!
Hope it's over for you soon, Carmel!!! I am SOOOO glad that you finally got
away from him!! Ya gotta feel a bit for the new "girl" though. Abusers never
only abuse ONE woman!!
If she stays, her time will come! Especially if there was any abuse in HER
family - which is often the case.
I keep hoping I will find the energy to write that personal letter to you that
keeps alive and 'swimming' within my cerebral swamp!! <smile> I do so love
your paintings. Keep wishing I could afford the one I love the most (of what's
on your web site) -- more later...me hopes! ;-D
You sound healthier and stronger with every post, dear heart!!!!!
Love and continued strength to you, Carmel...
Judith
Eagle Way2
the time until this can happen. <<
You're doing it, dear lady!! moment by moment and day by day. You're being
too hard on yourself. You cannot expect the years and tears of abuse to simply
melt away after they've had their claws sunk into you for so long.
Be patient with *yourself*, please Carmel -- leave the rage for him. It's
healthy for you to take out your anger on canvas --- but NOT while you're in a
moving vehicle, my friend!!!
Hope you really like your therapist/counselor -- Good for you for taking care
of YOURSELF for a change!!!
Much love,
Judith
Carmel Pacey Digby
Dear Judith,
How lovely to hear from you. I hope things are OK with you.
Yes, he did find another victim mighty fast. Two weeks after I left. I
still find it hard to get my head around anyone being stupid enough to
get involved with a man two weeks out from a 22 year marriage. He
acknowledges (to me, at least) that he's using her. She's his "haven"
he says. (Mind you, I think that's her word, not his. It's not a word
I've ever heard him use before). His haven from me and the stress of
our relationship and its breakup. He reckons I should get a "haven"
too. Yeah, sure!!
He's using her for emotional support. He comes across to all women as
sweet and vulnerable, and they want to mother him. That's how I got
sucked in, and she did too. He has a lot of issues about his mother.
He says he hates her, but when she's around, he runs after her like a
puppy dog. According to him, his parents abused him, physically and
emotionally. His mother denies this, and his father is dead. I
believed him implicitly, but now I don't know. In any case, he's hell
bent on punishing his mother, but hasn't got the guts to do it. So he
finds mother substitutes to take it out on. All but one of his eight or
nine relationships have been with women older than himself. I'm 8 years
older, and I provided him with children and animals (his objects of
sexual fascination). Only after many years of abuse and frustration did
I find out his true agenda, and then I tried to help him. Didn't work.
He started belting me. So now he's found someone even older. 13 years
his senior. The result is inevitable. It's like waiting for the other
shoe to drop.
That's his first agenda with her. The second is to hurt me. He's
always led me to believe any problems in our relationship were my fault,
and my age and weight have been issues that he's been particularly cruel
about in recent years. (When I've made efforts to lose weight, he's
made a point of cooking rich food for me and making it quite impossible.
Now that I live alone and eat what *I* want when *I* want it, I've lost
15 kg in a few months). However, the fact that he now has someone even
older just makes it worse. She's very small and slim, he tells me. (He
bought clothes for her while we were shopping together for business
stuff, so I would be sure to see how small she is). So, even though
she's so much older, she's infinitely more desirable than I am. That's
the clear message he's sending. He tells me he loves her because she's
everything I'm not. He calls me intellectual, ambitious, perfectionist,
and says he can't stand these things (in spite of the fact that, a while
ago, these were the very things he said he loved about me). She is none
of these (thick as a brick, slack and lazy????) and so she's what he
wants. Its SUCH a relief from me.
What he has told me about her is that she spent the last thirty years
taking care of her mother, who died last year. And apparently she
greatly resents this. She's never been married or had any children, and
is paranoid about her privacy. I'm not allowed to know where she lives,
what she looks like (although she can be shown photos of me and where I
live), and certainly not allowed to have her phone number. The latter
is an issue because Colin goes off to her house at every opportunity,
and if there's some urgent business to be done, I can't contact him. I
leave voice messages on his message bank, but he doesn't even listen to
them until he gets back home - and that might be days later. I've
needed to contact him urgently a couple of times while he was with her.
The first time, I didn't like to, but told him about it afterwards. He
said it would be OK to call him at her place.
So, when that happened again, I tried to call, only to find she had an
unlisted number. Colin said he would ask her permission to give me the
number. She refused. Reckons I would hassle her night and day, and I
was not to have it under any circumstances. So Colin said he would
listen to his messages and call me from her place if necessary. She
wouldn't let him call me. She doesn't even let him listen to his
messages there. (It's his "haven", doncha know?) The consequence is
that his relationship with her is seriously damaging the business. I
would have thought that it would be in both their interests to keep that
working smoothly, but they both seem determined to put every obstacle in
the way of it. I suppose it's to rub my nose in the new relationship by
making it so intrusive.
You may be right about abuse in her past. Colin says her father was
violently abusive. I don't know more than that. He collects such
people. I can't think of one friend of his who has not been abused in
one way or another. And all of his past relationships have been with
people with problems - drugs, alcohol, emotional and/or sexual problems,
God knows what. (What does that say about me????!!!)
In any case, he's definitely using her, and admits as much. If she
stays with him, the poor cow is in for a big surprise. But I think
she's using him as well. Why else would she become involved so
quickly? A 65 year old woman who has never been married, diving
headlong into a whirlwind romance with someone 13 years her junior, not
yet clear of a 22 year marriage?? They had a sexual relationship within
weeks. And she calls the tune all the way. She won't go to his house
(too challenging for her). He must go to her, and he's allowed to stay
overnight, but only one night at a time. It can't be consecutive
nights. She needs to see him at least twice a week - on her terms. If
that diminishes his ability to make a living, it's not her problem. She
expects at least one daily phone call from him, mid-morning (working
time) rather than evening. He never calls in to her place unexpectedly,
but phones first and makes arrangements.
Maybe she's getting some sex while it's on offer and making the most of
it. Maybe she misses having her mother to control, and is after a
replacement. Who knows? But it seems to me they're each as
self-centred as the other. Colin will run after her as long as it suits
him. I think he's split his emotional dichotomy about his mother into
two separate parts. She gets the puppy dog bit and I get the
punishment. He's doing as much of that (punishment) as he can right
now, while he can. What happens when the business is sold and I'm clear
of him remains to be seen.
At the moment, I'm working on minimising how much he can hurt me with
this. I'm having acupuncture, which is making me stronger and better
able to cope, and talking to the counsellor. And I'm taking out consent
orders for a financial settlement upon sale of the property. He's going
along with this, but seems depressed. He can see that I'm not as
injured by his actions as I was. But he keeps finding new ways to
hurt. Yesterday, he told me he's going to spend this wet season
finishing the house. The house I designed to be so beautiful and
comfortable, and which he's had no time to finish for the past ten
years. All those years of living with dirt and discomfort, and pain due
to dampness, and the frustration of seeing my beautiful house come to
nothing. And now, as soon as I've left it, he's suddenly got time to
finish it. Pisses me right off, and he knows it. That's why he said
it.
The thing that's still making me mad as hell is that he treats me with
no respect. He makes arrangements to come here on business and thinks
nothing of turning up hours late, or just not turning up at all. I
leave him messages (can never contact him directly) and he doesn't
bother to reply. We agree to do things a certain way, and he changes it
to suit himself without bothering to inform me. He constantly lies to
me and keeps me waiting around. If I complain about the latter, he says
it's my choice. I don't have to wait around for him. But if I want to
do business it's the condition he imposes. If I go off about my own
business, the stuff doesn't get done. He's not going to run after me.
And he accuses me of trying to control him!!
Anyway, she's welcome to him. Serves her right I'd say. I think
they'll use each other up pretty soon, and when I'm no longer around to
hurt with it, some of the point will have gone out of it for him.
Vindictive it may be, but I hope they really end up hurting each other
badly. I can't think of a more deserving couple. I hate feeling this
vindictiveness, but it's better to admit it than to try to hide it from
myself.
I'm just praying that a buyer will come along very soon. Maybe this
week, I'll do some work on my web site to make the business more
attractive to buyers. Meanwhile, I'm going to try to paint a bit this
afternoon. First time in years. :)
Thanks for your love and support.
Love
Carmel
--
Susan
I can not tell you how hard it has been for me to read your posts.
The reason is that my marriage of 18 years came to an end about 5
years ago. Your story just continues to be a reinactment of what I
went through, almost to the last detail.
What I can offer you is hope. As you end your business dealings with
him, get away from him - totally - you will be so much stronger and
happier than you have ever been!
One day you will wake up and tell youself that you are not going to
let him hurt you anymore! PERIOD! And when you say that and you really
let go, it will be an incredibly freeing experience for you! You will
also find that when you no longer LET yourself get hurt by Colin's
actions, he will quit trying to hurt you. Seriously!
I think so much about you and pray that all things good come your way.
Love, hugs and good wishes!!!!
Susan
--
Susan
If we weren't all crazy we would all go insane...... Jimmy Buffet
lynnbabe
When my ex found a new victim, I wrote her a letter, she sent it back to me
calling me the evil bitch from hell, but at least I felt I had warned her, I
used to have nightmares where she would turn up on my doorstep covered in
bruises asking me why.
Anyway, I am now officially divorced, I'm 35, have 3 kids, MS, and mountains
of debt, haha, and its still better than it was!
I'd love to see your paintings Carmel, I paint too, I used to be a graphic
designer before I started the web site stuff so I could work from home, and
I still paint when I get the chance. Please send me a link if you have them
online!
Take care
--
Lynnbabe
"God may piss down your neck every day,
but he'll only drown you once"
Irish Proverb
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C87EEB9...@cyberwizards.com.au...
Carmel Pacey Digby
I felt like warning her too, but I realise this will only be
counter-productive. It might make me feel vindicated, but would only
feed her (& Colin's) view of me as a vindictive troublemaker. I don't
want to be that. In any case, as I said, anyone taking on a man not
yet clear of his last relationship deserves all she gets. It's her
problem, not mine any more.
My web page links are always under my sig line. They are
www.jaragun.com and www.geocities.com/peripata/ (the last one is the
art page).
Carmel
Carmel Pacey Digby
I'm really sorry my posts have reactivated your own trauma. If it was
like mine, once was enough. I keep telling myself he won't hurt me any
more, and it's getting closer to the truth all the time, I guess.
I've just made some consent orders and an affidavit to send to the
family court. This is about property settlement. It's another step in
breaking really free, but real freedom from him can't come while we're
still trying to run the business. I can't wait for it to be sold.
I already have a far better life alone than I ever had with him, and I
can see a good future ahead, once clear of it all. Thanks for your
support.
Love
Carmel
Meg
to send to the family court. This is about property settlement. It's
another step in breaking really free, but real freedom from him can't come
while we're still trying to run the business. I can't wait for it to be
sold. I already have a far better life alone than I ever had with him, and
This is such good news! -- Best regards, Meg
Fiona Pingram
You are a truly talented lady. I looked at every one of your pictures with
awe and decided that my two favourites are "Diaspora" and "Hidden depths". I
don't know what else to say except ... "wow"!
Fiona
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
news:3C88B2F8...@cyberwizards.com.au...
lynnbabe
Wow, your paintings are wonderful, flowers are reminiscent of Pauline
O'keefe, my favourites are the reflections series, very calming, very
peaceful.
I also loved seeing your photo!
Has anyone thought of setting up a gallery on here, where we can all post
our photos so we can see who were talking to? That would be really good!
Take care carmel
--
Lynnbabe
"God may piss down your neck every day,
but he'll only drown you once"
Irish Proverb
"Carmel Pacey Digby" <car...@cyberwizards.com.au> wrote in message
Carmel Pacey Digby
online.
Carmel