OT: Terrible Puns
DadmanLarry
what litle sanity we may have had before this nasty disease tried to
take all of the fun out of life. In that spirit, I present the
following puns.
I would say, "Enjoy", but...
1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be
stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the
Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No
change yet.'
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
ne...@millions.com
Larry, these are absolutely terrible, so terrible in fact, that I am
forwarding them to all the members of my family and my good friends.
:D
Donn
Tick
mood dashed by this evenings news. It seems you just can't go long
without something ruining your day...
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh has died of a severe yeast
infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral
ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out
including: Mrs.Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty
Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies.
The gravesite was piled high with flours and longtime friend, Aunt
Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never
knew how much he was kneaded."
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled
with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
squandering much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a
crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by
his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The
funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
---
Fred
4ax.com:
Just remember they could be verse.
Fred.
Lynne
- A Bad Girl
Shelley
"Lynne" <oldm...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:d9dcac4b-50f5-4e2f...@m44g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
QQ...@webtv.net
......." There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in
the best of us that its rather hard to discern which of us ought to
reform the rest of us"...........
.........Alain Fournier.........
ne...@millions.com
Donn
QQ...@webtv.net
cannot afford any more laugh lines.:-) my best to every one that has
added to this thread.... dory who's still roaring out loud....
Lynne
- L.
On Sep 23, 10:04 am, "Shelley" <no...@nohow.com> wrote:
> Lynne, they're so bad that they're good..:)
>
> "Lynne" <oldmam...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
Epiphany
Teacher Arrested
NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and
a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes
the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us",
the Attorney General said "They desire solutions by means and
extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute
values."
They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to
every triangle."'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have
given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the President
** Posted from http://www.teranews.com **