College entrance essay

[timmerma]

The following is an actual essay written by a college
applicant to NYU in response to this question. Honest!

3A. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF
OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU THE
APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU
ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES
YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED,
THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A
PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and
crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train
stations
on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the
area of heat retention. I translate
ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning
operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone
playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with
unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in
twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in
love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once
single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon
Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play
bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the
subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I
build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban

hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair
electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a
ruthless
bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line
of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a
private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.

I have been caller number nine and have won weekend
passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a
traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in
international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with
deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick,
and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to
refurbish an entire dining room
that evening. I know the exact location of every food
item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert

operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do
sleep, I sleep in a chair.

While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated
with a group of terrorists who had seized small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are
all
paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning

of life but forgot to write it down. I have made
extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a

toaster oven.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San

Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and
spelling
bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have
performed open-heart surgery,
and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

(The author was accepted and is now attending
NYU.)

[timmerma]

[timmerma]

[timmerma]

[timmerma]

toaster oven.

**(The author was accepted and is now attending
NYU.)**

[Michael]

OK... according to
http://urbanlegends.miningco.com/science/urbanlegends/library/blbyol3.htm

) Comments: It's more or less true! This essay (or a version of it), written
) by a high school student named Hugh Gallagher in 1990, was originally
) published in Literary Calvalcade, a magazine of contemporary student writing,
) and later reprinted in both Harper's and The Guardian in Britan. There's some
) dispute over whether or not the essay actually won Gallagher admission to
) NYU, but he did, in fact, graduate from that school in 1994, has been a
) freelance writer and is now (unsurprisingly) a novelist.
)
) Gallagher's first book, Teeth, was published by Pocket Books in March 1998.

Now, will you please stop posting this... this is the fifth time in less than 20
hours!
--
((((((((((U))))))))))
Michael <muir...@island.net>
-=| Livin' on Island Time |=-

"timmerma" <timm...@brittonsd.com> wrote in message
news:3AE9BD2A...@brittonsd.com...

[el...@notathome.com]

Michael wrote:
>OK... according to
>http://urbanlegends.miningco.com/science/urbanlegends/library/blbyol3.htm
>
>) Comments: It's more or less true! This essay (or a
version of it), written
>) by a high school student named Hugh Gallagher in 1990,
was originally
>) published in Literary Calvalcade, a magazine of
contemporary student writing,
>) and later reprinted in both Harper's and The Guardian in
Britan. There's some
>) dispute over whether or not the essay actually won
Gallagher admission to
>) NYU, but he did, in fact, graduate from that school in
1994, has been a
>) freelance writer and is now (unsurprisingly) a novelist.
>)
>) Gallagher's first book, Teeth, was published by Pocket
Books in March 1998.
>
>
>Now, will you please stop posting this... this is the fifth
time in less than 20
>hours!
>

Well, if he's like me, he hasn't seen his post, and assumes
it didn't get sent. I tried sending that 'old posts?' post
4 times last night. Fortunatly I was able to figure out how
to delete them.

Eliz.
_____
Given that God is infinite, and that the Universe is also
infinite, would you like a toasted tea cake? (Talkie Toaster)

[timmerma]

Dear Michael,

Sorry for the multiple posts, but my computer kept sending me the error message that
my post did not go through. So, I kept trying again.

Thanks for the comments on Gallagher. I last read this essay in the "Politics
Forum" conversation board in the Morningstar.com financial news site, where I am a
frequent poster.

Bill Timmerman