With a smile towards x-mass
Frans
I hope my fellow journalists will overlook this shameless self promotion --
and have a laugh on me.
Ten Items Not to Give for Christmas
(c) 12/1/98 Sheridan Hill
I'm not against gift-giving, like my gun-toting born-again cousin, who
maintains that December 25 isn't Christ's birthday and there is no point in
celebrating it (a conveeeeeenient excuse since he was never known to give
presents, anyway).
Giving presents feels every bit as good as getting them, except that in the
latter case you have the added satisfaction of knowing that the other
person's credit card was run up, not yours. But we need a national standard
for gift-giving, which would eliminate waste, reduce the divorce rate and
maybe even create peace on earth.
Establishing minimum requirements for gift-giving would prevent horrible
mishaps such as the time my mother gave me several pair of nylon bloomers
she had bought for herself, with a note: "These were too small for me, so I
thought you could use them. You know how I hate to throw anything away."
(Think I'm kidding? Oh, how I wish.)
Which brings me to the list of Ten Things Not to Give for Christmas:
1) Underpants, especially if you've already tried them on.
2) Brassieres, even if they come from Fredericks of Hollywood or a sexy
lingerie shop at the mall: they will never look as good on the little lady
as they did on the 19-year-old model in the store. Disappointment all
around.
3) Guns. Like brassieres, artillery is an intimate purchase and best left to
the individual's own discriminating tastes: .357 or .45? Automatic or semi?
Decisions, decisions!
4) Anything you already own. Also,don't give cheap gifts to people who give
good gifts. Three Christmases ago I gave my boyfriend, a medical
professional, an expensive, leather doctor's bag and a custom-framed print.
He gave me three coffee table books that I had seen lying around his house
for months. On Christmas Day, his daughter saw the books he gave me and
said, "Dad, didn't Mom give you those?" Shortly afterwards, we parted ways.
5) Items that the other person is an expert at choosing. Chancey at best. No
way am I going to give a watercolor painting to my friend the watercolor
artist. As a writer, I always groan silently when I feel the weight of a
book inside gift wrapping. My book collection is sacred: hundreds of volumes
line shelves in most rooms of my house, some of them intimately inscribed to
me by heavy-weight authors such as Clarissa Estes and Mitford genius Jan
Karon. What am I going to do with another coffee table book, or Newt
Gingrich's latest offering?
6) Life insurance policies or products that you sell: pullleeeaaase!
7) Music that is 180 degrees from anything you've ever heard the person
listen to - even if it's a rockin, righteous sound to you. Chances are, a
person who digs Bob Marley won't be jammin' to Neil Diamond.
8) Drums and noise-making toys to children -- unless you want to make
enemies of their parents.
9) Religious books of your favorite persuasion. The holidays are stressful
enough without the pressure of religious conversion.
10) Anything used. No matter if you think it looks, smells or feels brand
new: Never give used items on a holiday; only as a non-occasion toss-off,
and then only if it's an incredibly cool used item, as in, "Hey, I've gained
a few pounds and can't do justice to this fabulous little Gucci number: want
it?"
Seriously, the best gifts are handmade and heartfelt: a surprise love
letter; a gift certificate for babysitting or pet sitting or housecleaning;
a delicious candle-lit meal and special time together; a photo album
carefully prepared to honor you or your connection to family.
If all else fails, try the unthinkable: ask them what they want.
Sheridan Hill writes a weekly column on the web at www.sheridanhill.com.
Reg Riddle
I love it !!! Thanks for posting it. The one about giving noisy toys to
children reminded me of the time (years ago) that I got gifts for my children
to give to their half-brothers (their dad had remarried and had children)....I
got the noisiest toys I could find. Yeah....I'm bad. :-)
Blame it on youth. LOL
Hugs and Smiles,
Gina
"Now everything's a little upside down,
As a matter of fact the wheels have stopped,
What's good is bad, what's bad is good,
You'll find out when you reach the top
You're on the bottom...."
--- Bob Dylan
Ollie The Sandcastle
Arses!!!
Frans wrote in message <744n1p$mr6$5...@news.worldonline.nl>...
Reg Riddle
>
>Arses!!!
>
Aaaaggghhh !!!! The Grinch is here !!!!! <laugh>
Dear Ollie....You don't really feel this way, do you ?!! I have a real tacky
suggestion for you.... Go to a mall or a toy store and do a little people
watching. Look very closely at the faces of the children. Go to a church that
is having a Christmas program and look very closely at the faces of the
children. Heck....just walk down the street and look closely at the faces of
the children you see. Yes...Christmas is a religious holiday.....but when you
see the excitement and anticipation in the faces of those children, you have to
love it.
Any you better watch it, young man, or you'll get a bag of coal or a bundle of
switches !!! LOL
Hugs and Smiles,
Gina
"And I look around...
So many so far down....
Just search inside yourself...
But the dream's alive.....
and I look to the children...
I look to the children...."
--- Sister Hazel
Bill
She just had to have that scarf. Unfortunalty I was holding it. <Ho Ho Ho>
Bill
Reg Riddle
>lady.
>She just had to have that scarf. Unfortunalty I was holding it. <Ho Ho Ho>
>Bill
Hey Mr. Bill....now what on earth were you doing with that little old lady's
scarf ?! LOL
Bill.....just stick with the children....they are much less violent shoppers
than the adults....especially little old ladies.
Hugs and Smiles,
Gina
"I don't need no walls around me...
I don't need no drugs to calm me...
I have seen the writing on the wall....
Don't think I'll need anything at all.....
All in all it was just bricks in the wall..."
--- Pink Floyd