Xmas time in a lonely ng
Eleonore Beaudoin
Lonely as people may feel, at XMas time, Iam always alone in here.
That muchfor Persent saying he is the loneliest!:)
Vitara
wrote:
> Lonely as people may feel, at XMas time, Iam always alone in here.
>
> That muchfor Persent saying he is the loneliest!:)
Not the happiest in reading this, over in my corner. :(
Off-line, composed.
Shopped today.** On my way to an office which yesterday got the N1H1
vaccine in
** Flash (USB) "drive"
and manilla folders
Merry decorations, out, and crowds bumping into each other but for
once not minding beeing careened-near.... All IMHO makes of Xmas a
pleasurable season just for the shopping.
And of course <:-I ...
On "getting out of the house (& seeing others... when some become
pleasant for once).
Am in a good novel, by Carson McCullers; I reflected today on the way
of a certain lil' set of people (wife, dh and brother) all " going
out " in the evening. They live in a very large house, boarding
house -- the wife here mentioned works in it as a cook and all. On
the day recounted, brother and dh come by after she has cleaned up
after supper; they pick up Ms. Cook and they "go out."
Encountering other townspeople. At first we note them as no more
lonely than the next person, sort of conventional people. So then Ms.
Cook asks, "Where U want to go?" They say, "Wherever U wish to go."
She, "No. You say." They finally come out with it: Church. They are
black persons, and Church is more important for young males, there.
Afterwards, drop by house of father. <-- of Ms. Cook & db. The
fellows wait outside, by a harmonica. Ms. Cook is the only of
Father's family who will visit him. All others are estranged. She
brings collards and meat, to make them a supper. He admits when asked
he has not yet eaten. She has some meat, he -- vegetarian -- permits,
yes, the collards to be cooked together, to be in a broth & cooked-
of ..the meat.
He had been sitting in the dark, only a glowing stove, from which he
had been able to read a couple of lines. Spinoza. She upraids him
for not having a good, strong light on. He is a doctor.
She pleads with him that they not quarrel any more. He says there is
no quarrel. But she feels such tension every time in his house.
Numerous children in town are named after him. He pleads with ppl to
curtail and NOT have more than 1/2 doz children. No other doctor in
this town, we are knowing, has this public-spiritedness. But he is
lacking, when more intimate, insight and eventually finds all his
family pulling away.
A driven man, harsh and ambitious to his children. Never sparing of
himself, with his patients
Copyright 1940, "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter."
Ms Cook and her blood-family play only a small part in the boarding
house. Soon I will finish the episode in the doctor's house and
return to the main story of a 12-yr-old girl. She is a daughter of
owner of the boarding house. She had been trying to build a violin
from a broken ukelele. When the project finally collapsed she found
her 18-yr-old brother over there reading his Mechanics Illustrated
magazine to be unsympathetic, busy reading. She feels let down.
In years past she so idolized him and eagerly followed him on this and
that adventure. Now he just always seems cold. With his disinterest
in her violin she sees : it will never be the same between them.
There is also in the boarding house a deaf-mute. He works doing
jewelry/silverware-engraving. I understand, from the back cover, they
will become friends.
Mr engraver has already rescued one wandering Harvard-man/socialist
alcoholic who came to town recently and finally found someone who
would listen to him. The latter has gone off now to get a job, first
he's had in a few years and appears (IMHO) to be a rescue instance.
I assume this southern town in which they are, disapproves of rel.
of Mr engraver and young girl. And will end the life of one of them.
The book will be a tragedy I am guessing. But human values, (enduring
throughout the pain, will survive. --I am interested to see how this
sensitive-plus youngster and the deaf-mute bring what is <new> out of
each other.
Story told here because the 3 leaving the boarding house one evening
were asking each other, "Where shall we go." And then me-reflecting
that they * did have somewhere to go. "
-From one who repeatedly reads Tennessee Williams' "The Glass
Menagerie."
PostScript : (a) They did need to get out, (b) they had a true,
substantial place and destination
[[to be con't]]
Mxsmanic
> Lonely as people may feel, at XMas time, Iam always alone in here.
Why does Christmastime make a difference?
Eleonore Beaudoin
> On Dec 19, 8:13=A0pm, bc...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin)
Interesting.
Seems like action takes place in a poorer neighborhood where the ones
typically known to have the proessional jobs are described as the losers
saved by the poor who have better values.
Reminds me of when I once asked my guide (or call t gardian angel or
subcnscious or whatever you rpefer) howcome I was always so broek since I
never spet, earned more tha some, still, and saw them always go places,
have bnew clothes, etc.
First I had asked a sister of mine who had answered that everyone made
money under the carpet, simply. I had argued that no ay *everyone* did
that...?
Then had asked the bfrtiend of the time howcome we were so poor all the
time when we both did earn and nevewr spent at all, and had to make do on
groceries of 40 dolalrs at the time for four: two adults and my kid and his.
He looked around that day ar work and listened to people talk: one had a
suburban, a car, his wife had a car, their house was paid and they ahd a
paid cottage. Bfriend then learned that they were iven the cottage as XMas
present by his wife's family and the house by his family. So all they ahd
to pay was ..anythign else.
Another had inherited from deceased parents.
I the was glad my poarents were (then) both aliove, and rpefered beign
broke.
But still, not everyone was poor that earned the same or a bit less than
us. Then howcome? We never went anywhere, save fishing once or twice in
summer for 20 bucks of gas and worms. Three imes in many years we went to
bowling with kids, and a few times to a restaurant of the all you can eat
type that was cheap, but that we coudl nnot afford each month, where when
the kids stomachs were tired of hotdogs and needed real viatmins and so
on, we would bring them there for 5 bucks each, instead of bowling in
winter or fishing in summer once per few months.
But howcome others were so crassy wealthy in comparison to us???
The day I asked my guide, I saw in dreams as if I relived it all the
periods in my parents, life when they were rich, and the ones where they
were poor.
My father always tried to improve our quality of life by impriving income:
he would hold a jo but always work on some invention or other business
project in which he woudl invest the lil he could scrape to try and get
our life better. But he woud risk too much and lose it all each time and
we then woudl start again being broke and poor.
But what the dream made me see was that each tiem my aprent were rich,
they woudl elave the house to go places, and I, at age 9, woudl be stuck
at home to baby sit my younger sister. My parents one back, my dad woudl
then tend to be of a bad mood coming back home after a few drinks, where I
hated the entire day, the being alone with too heavy a responsibility,
then waitign for them to be back so bad, to have some breathign time, only
to see them argue and not mind us, whichmade the day end real long and heavy.
After I saw many episodes in the dream of rich periods and poor periods,
as I wa about to wake up, my guide spoke and said 'Ad so, to you, when
people had money they were in a bad mood and did not care, and when they
had none, when there was none at your palce when you were a kid, people
were solidare and caring, your mom being there for her kids and your dad
coming home at five between his invention ideas and business attempts. In
your mind you equated wealth with unhappiness'.
I woke up feeling like I had a ton of bricks hittign my forehead. Made so
much sense.
But anyway.
As for XMas shopping, don't you think I wish.....
But I will only be able to pay the December rent in Jan, and the Jan one
in Feb, etc, if I can manage the car registrations in Jan, and I do need
the car to get to work, being unable to travel by bus due to allergies.
So...
I know kiddo would understand and even approve as woud family. But...
Exactly. Makes for a boring long long XMas, where then the best thing I
can do is use the tim off to try and at east not stare at the walls
and...do chores and try and get ahead on house sorting with boxes and
months and ladeeda.
Still fighting flu, can not even visit my mom, who is at sister's place.
And kiddo will only visit after NYears being taken by shows and running
like mad to go here and there to visit sweet half's family and his
paternal grandparents and so on.Told him he migt as well make it so since
there will be no XMas here at all this year.
Not the first year.
But still boring.
Going to satres in such times does not help. It rather hurts. So I ony et
in and go drectly to where I can find food for birds or essentials for me,
and try and make those errands at same time all I can to go to stores less
and to exactly not spend on uneeded stuff.
Still trying to clear credit card of what I had to put on when I was just
startng to work and had so many rents and bills to catch up on still. Took
years to manageto pay bills each month and not be behind, but each year at
this time, and until Jly or end of July, I scrape that way.
Then in Julky I make it just on time to put aside for my drivers license
in Sept, and in October are the winter tires to start putting aside for
and getting the car ready for winter, etc. and it starts all over again.
By Jan my pays always go LOWER too: in November, they pretty much took all
the feeral taxes off and slow down. To gove peope a chance for XMas,
exactly. They take more taxes out before November. But in my case, I am
already late for wnter ties and so on and heating bills and yadee yada,
making it a juggling all year round. With summer being a bit less
stressful, but not for long.
I seem to rememebr though that this year by chance, we have a mmonth in
which are three pay days. So if somehow I can put aside half a rent, until
then, I can then hopefully catch up on late rent and start breating
better, specially sicne car payments will be done and voer with in Feb.
BUT. Car front end of muffler is needing replaced, shocks are making a lot
of squeaky stiff noises, the engine light is on sincen months, and my
clutch *and I am pretty sure transmission too* are dying on me all at once.
So....
Makes for heavy times.
At least I can tell myself I did not make too many people cry or be sad
this year...and therefore less are sad for XMas than otherwise...
And here I am, dreaming of taking poor ones to a meal, to sliding on tubes
on some hill, etc, etc. Which tends to still make me think that one' heart
size is inversely proportional to that of their wallet;-)
Same old belief at back of mind that I did not rid of yet:)
C
Eleonore Beaudoin
And just where will you be for XMas, may I ask for an answer?
Stormin Mormon
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Mxsmanic" <mxsm...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:efdri515gjphrk8p1...@4ax.com...
Mxsmanic
> And just where will you be for XMas, may I ask for an answer?
Right where I am now.
Mxsmanic
> Because everyone eles around you looks happy.
I don't really see any more happiness around me than at other times of the
year.
Eleonore Beaudoin
So you are already home.
Vitara
> Vitara (waba...@gmail.com) writes:
> > On Dec 19, 8:13=A0pm, bc...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA ( r b) wrote:
> >> Lonely as people may feel, at XMas time, Iam always alone in here.
>
> >> That muchfor Persent saying he is the loneliest!:)
>
> > Not the happiest in reading this, over in my corner. :(
>
> > Story told here because the 3 leaving the boarding house one evening
> > were asking each other, "Where shall we go." And then me-reflecting
> > that they * did have somewhere to go. "
>
> > -From one who repeatedly reads Tennessee Williams' "The Glass
> > Menagerie."
>
> > PostScript : (a) They did need to get out, (b) they had a true,
> > substantial place and destination
> > [[to be con't]]
>
> Interesting.
> Seems like action takes place in a poorer neighborhood where the ones
> typically known to have the proessional jobs are described as the losers
> saved by the poor who have better values.
>
> Reminds me of when I once asked my guide (or call t gardian angel or
> subcnscious or whatever you rpefer) howcome I was always so broek since I
> never spet, earned more tha some, still, and saw them always go places,
> have bnew clothes, etc.
I wonder if <some spend *much* time and effort on $; at earning, at
investing, at getting the best deals>. They have little of themselves
left for enjoying. Yes, maybe they seem to have leisure. But always
they are scheming.
So yes they get ahead. But, we say, "At what cost?"
Just a guess
>
> First I had asked a sister of mine who had answered that everyone made
> money under the carpet, simply. I had argued that no ay *everyone* did
> that...?
> Then had asked the bfrtiend of the time howcome we were so poor all the...
Yes, ' under the table ' here.
IMHO when compared, other things being equal, (and those of) similar
education and skills --- those being a little more easy-going with
standards are ones with less moral strength.
So often often, those who do not get the promotion can be the ones who
enjoy life more and who are -- in one way or another -- more liked
My popular. Or, admired. But, at least until their retirement,
others did not as a rule come to visit. "Leave them alone. They have
so much work, and their children."
Not prosperous, but respected and enjoyed, them.
> d of bowling in
> winter or fishing in summer once per few months.
> But howcome others were so crassy wealthy in comparison to us???
>
> The day I asked my guide, I saw in dreams as if I relived it all the
> periods in my parents, life when they were rich, and the ones where they
> were poor.
did not real'z; always was /w thot of the med beleiving it was a
surplus
> to see them argue and not mind us, whichmade the day end real long and heavy.
>
> After I saw many episodes in the dream of rich periods and poor periods,
> as I wa about to wake up, my guide spoke and said 'Ad so, to you, when
> people had money they were in a bad mood and did not care, and when they
> had none, when there was none at your palce when you were a kid, people
> were solidare and caring, your mom being there for her kids and your dad
> coming home at five between his invention ideas and business attempts. In
> your mind you equated wealth with unhappiness'.
>
> I woke up feeling like I had a ton of bricks hittign my forehead. Made so
> much sense.
>
> But anyway.
> As for XMas shopping, don't you think I wish.....
I don't know if your street-address is the same as in those years ago,
but I can send a few modest little bills. // I remember last
winter, when worrying about the tires required,for winter.. and
hearing that no you were "flush" or the like. So I thot no more about
it.
But when no presents, small Frilly sorts of things, are possible-I
really would like to offer.
>
> But I will only be able to pay the December rent in Jan, and the Jan one
> in Feb, etc, if I can manage the car registrations in Jan, and I do need
> the car to get to work, being unable to travel by bus due to allergies.
If I sent something..., well in 2 components, an amount for "Christmas
and, say, 1/4 of what the car registration will be(and promising to
put that in a sock and not touch it until going to agency for the
registration . . .
I would like you to accept this.
>
> So...
>
> I know kiddo would understand and even approve as woud family. But...
> Exactly. Makes for a boring long long XMas, where then the best thing I
> can do is use the tim off to try and at east not stare at the walls
> and...do chores and try and get ahead on house sorting with boxes and
> months and ladeeda.
I don't know how you live, and I have not the imagination for home-
made things.
So to send objects (object' d'art :) is not the easier. I remember
a small bundle of winter branches and ribbon and dried ex-leaves
(silvery) I rec'd from you. When moving this past summer I saw it
still, so it is somewhere.
/Again, sending nice frilly little objects is not so easy; money would
be better.
Maybe in months-soon I will become able to copy CD-recordings, from
the library-borrowed mammoth collection. I could keep you apprised
here on my progress toward this. I keep thinking of Nina Simone, and
think a copy of one of her CDs should be the first.
>
> Still fighting flu, can not even visit my mom, who is at sister's place.
So very happy she is OK.
:) :) (( ))
>
> And kiddo will only visit after NYears being taken by shows and running
> like mad to go here and there to visit sweet half's family and his
> paternal grandparents and so on.Told him he migt as well make it so since
> there will be no XMas here at all this year.
I have a little ceramic tree, 1/2 meter tall. I've not seen it much
in the recent two moves, but will have it out for next year. In the
complex here of 10 ppl, I think there are four who have put smallish
trees by their windows, with lights :) :) :)
>
> Not the first year.
> But still boring.
> Going to satres in such times does not help. It rather hurts. So I ony et
> in and go drectly to where I can find food for birds or essentials for me,
> and try and make those errands at same time all I can to go to stores less
> and to exactly not spend on uneeded stuff.
Maybe the pet store will look somehow a little more colourful/and all/
this visit. "Thank God for small gifts."
>
> Still trying to clear credit card of what I had to put on when I was just....
When I read this it changed my thoughts a little bit. I lived a month
or two, when paying almost zero rent, on a credit card. Then paid it
off quick. But now I feel antsy looking back. What if I had not
found a job soon after starting that? :o
Not so convinced by all that talk at the time of the tires. I'm not
prepared, not substational enough, to give that kind of help; OTOH a
little for Christmas (well, belated now :) and a token--1/4 for the
registr. CAN be easy to do.
> startng to work and had so many rents and bills to catch up on still. Took
> years to manageto pay bills each month and not be behind, but each year at
> this time, and until Jly or end of July, I scrape tha...
<snip>
>
on la... rent and start breating
> better, specially sicne car payments will be done and voer with in Feb.
> BUT. Car front end of muffler is needing replaced, shocks are making a lot
> of squeaky stiff noises, the engine light is on sincen months, and my
> clutch *and I am pretty sure transmission too* are dying on me all at once.
What light? Inquiring minds.... Maybe "engine management"? Just be
sure not oil.
Inquiring....
Straight-shift transm's usually are hardy. Lasting for decades. If
noisy, its oil, well grease-oil, can be checked. (Yet /w fingers
crossed here.)
:) :) I remember long ago when the oil pump was weak, and my
riding with a friend-needing-help to a conference in New England was
offered --- so it was not, (to west of Cornwall) possible
>
> So....
>
>
> At least I can tell myself I did not make too many people cry or be sad
> this year...and therefore less are sad for XMas than otherwise...
A true thing. And I am thinking on the fact--
>
> And here I am, dreaming of taking poor ones to a meal, to slidi..
"The poor will always be with you...." --Jesus. Then words to Mary
when Mary had chided Martha for not helping with the file meal they
were preparing for the Master. (Martha had washed his feet and
annointed, the drying part having done with her hair.) The words to
Mary were that Martha, doing something of play and a less-toilsome
ministry, was closer to the Higher Power.
The woman in synagogue giving of her last 6 cents was praised, yes,
for her token of commitment. But Martha above all.
> ng on tubes
> on some hill, etc, etc. Which tends to still make me think that one' heart
> size is inversely proportional to that of their wallet;-)
That effect is to be observed. Yes, without doubt. In some ways of
observing; yet....
Eleonore Beaudoin
>> >> Lonely as people may feel, at XMas time, Iam always alone in here.
>>
>> >> That muchfor Persent saying he is the loneliest!:)
>>
>>
> <snip>
>
>> > Story told here because the 3 leaving the boarding house one evening
>> > that they =A0* did have somewhere to go. "
>>
>> > -From one who repeatedly reads Tennessee Williams' =A0"The Glass
>> > Menagerie."
>>
>> > PostScript : =A0(a) They did need to get out, =A0 (b) they had a true,
>> > substantial place and destination
>> > [[to be con't]]
>>
>> Interesting.
>> Seems like action takes place in a poorer neighborhood where the ones
>> typically known to have the proessional jobs are described as the losers
>> saved by the poor who have better values.
>>
>> Reminds me of when I once asked my guide (or call t gardian angel or
>> subcnscious or whatever you rpefer) howcome I was always so broek since I
>> never spet, earned more tha some, still, and saw them always go places,
>> have bnew clothes, etc.
>
> I wonder if <some spend *much* time and effort on $; at earning, at
> investing, at getting the best deals>. They have little of themselves
> left for enjoying. Yes, maybe they seem to have leisure. But always
> they are scheming.
>
> So yes they get ahead. But, we say, "At what cost?"
>
> Just a guess
>
>>
>> First I had asked a sister of mine who had answered that everyone made
>> money under the carpet, simply. I had argued that no ay *everyone* did
>> that...?
> .
>
> Yes, ' under the table ' here.
>
> IMHO when compared, other things being equal, (and those of) similar
> education and skills --- those being a little more easy-going with
> standards are ones with less moral strength.
>
> So often often, those who do not get the promotion can be the ones who
> enjoy life more and who are -- in one way or another -- more liked
>
> My popular. Or, admired. But, at least until their retirement,
> others did not as a rule come to visit. "Leave them alone. They have
> so much work, and their children."
>
> Not prosperous, but respected and enjoyed, them.
>
>> d of bowling in
>> winter or fishing in summer once per few months.
>> But howcome others were so crassy wealthy in comparison to us???
>>
>> The day I asked my guide, I saw in dreams as if I relived it all the
>> periods in my parents, life when they were rich, and the ones where they
>> were poor.
>
> did not real'z; always was /w thot of the med beleiving it was a
> surplus
>
> ,
>> and try and make those errands at same time all I can to go to stores les=
> s
>> and to exactly not spend on uneeded stuff.
>
> Maybe the pet store will look somehow a little more colourful/and all/
> this visit. "Thank God for small gifts."
>
>>
> ....
>
> When I read this it changed my thoughts a little bit. I lived a month
> or two, when paying almost zero rent, on a credit card. Then paid it
> off quick. But now I feel antsy looking back. What if I had not
> found a job soon after starting that? :o
>
> Not so convinced by all that talk at the time of the tires. I'm not
> prepared, not substational enough, to give that kind of help; OTOH a
> little for Christmas (well, belated now :) and a token--1/4 for the
> registr. CAN be easy to do.
>
> k
>> years to manageto pay bills each month and not be behind, but each year a=
> t
>> this time, and until Jly or end of July, I scrape tha...
> <snip>
>
>>
>
> on la... rent and start breating
>> better, specially sicne car payments will be done and voer with in Feb.
> t
>> of squeaky stiff noises, the engine light is on sincen months, and my
> e.
>
> What light? Inquiring minds.... Maybe "engine management"? Just be
> sure not oil.
> Inquiring....
>
> Straight-shift transm's usually are hardy. Lasting for decades. If
> noisy, its oil, well grease-oil, can be checked. (Yet /w fingers
> crossed here.)
>
> :) :) I remember long ago when the oil pump was weak, and my
> riding with a friend-needing-help to a conference in New England was
> offered --- so it was not, (to west of Cornwall) possible
>
>>
>> So....
>>
>
>>
>> At least I can tell myself I did not make too many people cry or be sad
>> this year...and therefore less are sad for XMas than otherwise...
>
> A true thing. And I am thinking on the fact--
>
>>
>> And here I am, dreaming of taking poor ones to a meal, to slidi..
>
> "The poor will always be with you...." --Jesus. Then words to Mary
> when Mary had chided Martha for not helping with the file meal they
> were preparing for the Master. (Martha had washed his feet and
> annointed, the drying part having done with her hair.) The words to
> Mary were that Martha, doing something of play and a less-toilsome
> ministry, was closer to the Higher Power.
>
> The woman in synagogue giving of her last 6 cents was praised, yes,
> for her token of commitment. But Martha above all.
>
>> ng on tubes
> t
>> size is inversely proportional to that of their wallet;-)
>
> That effect is to be observed. Yes, without doubt. In some ways of
> observing; yet....
>
>>
>> Same old belief at back of mind that I did not rid of yet:)
>>
>> C
Please....Do not worry?
I am okay, really.
Just tightenign the belt to the next pay ay, since it is the last bigger
one before they tart taking more on taxes again. Trying top put aside on
that one after paying bills, of which an added 89 dolalrs for soem
supposed fee for the &?$ furnace when it did not work because they ahd
left a publicity card inside the dang furnace (really) and had to come and
open to see what blocked it and foudn the card and gave me the dirty look
like I woudl be at cause (on the bill that is to be landlord's they ahd
writtten 'paper in furnace' and I added before signign as they asked
'paper was GG Inc.'s card', eaning thir fault and left by them:(, but put
on my GAS conmpany bill, which pisses me off so bad, as if I refuse to pay
it, theycan cut MY gas:()--to try and see what I can put side to complete
a rent in the next months, to catch up on the late one. Big issue here is
of course my feeling like taking it for XMas, which woudl be silly. In
fact, I have to think of saving it for car registration in Jan (the
leftover) and to live until the next check andmake do on teh msaller ones.
BUT I do not want oney nor anything. Please, please do udnerstand that
else I woudl fidn myself unable to talk about what I live at times being
long and boring, on tightening the budget lng periods, and woudl then find
myself unable to even post for a distraction.
I do appreciae your caring concern ever so much, V, but please...I woudl
rather the freedom to speak my mind than be stuckl really alone in the
heavy moments without even being able to say or write anything....
Hope you understand and that you send nothing. As I woudl send it right
back for the same reason. Fro the freedom to sopeak without any of it
being bought silent. I KNOW this is not your intention, but this is how I
woud feel. I woudl never dare say a thing anymore, and would close up even
more to the world, awaiting to come out of that cocoon.
What I sent years ago was made out of free things. Things I found during
walks to the beach or in the woods: pine cone and cedar chippings from
city flower beds, before they removed that for winter. None of it was paid
for, and was just hand made in spare time which I had at the time, not
working still. And a reason behind it was so that no one felt obligated in
any way to send anythign back ever.
One person had sad comments because they foudn it ugly and useless and
expected soemthing more, I guess. Another ahead of time write that I woudl
only be doing that to get things back. I knew that one woudl think
diferently when receiving the lil nothing, which was an angel I had made
out of a pine cone and dried leafs spray painted gold for the wings. It
was so worth nothing monetary, and was just done to feel xmassy, like I
coudl offer people somethign too, that was all.
But I elrned from that that that I give or talk about a monthw here I
struggle, sae difference. If I am read like I woudl write to GET
soemthing, then I;d rather not write at all.
I am justw riting like a normal human being feels in hard times. In hope
this makes others think that some have harder times, and also so that
those who do do not feel alone in this XMas time, as I am far from the only
one living this:).
If it can offer some other somehwere a feeling of not being alone and to
go on and hang in there, then that will at least serve some purpose.
Or if it can make others be grateful for what they have and moan less on
what they have not, same thing:).
BUT if it is taken for anythign else, then the goal is entirely missed an
I am sort of sent back to remaining lacking instead of having somethign to
offer.
It is soemthign made tavboo in this world to talk about hard times.
Specally hard financial times.
Yet way worse might be on its way for all and everyne, if the economy
crashes as I think it will down the road and sooner than we realize too.
In prevision of this, it ould be good if people could at least have some
place they coudl talk about their hard times and find a reply, not one
with offering money, but wiht understanding and sharing about how yeah, it
stinks. But with a smile to hang in there, and exactly thatc aring and
solidarity that is not about giving money or gettign soemthing so much as
to just be allowed the same rights as any other riher person: the right to
talk about what one lives, feels, etc, without that arn taboo making the
poorer ones or the oens having a arder time at some point in their life
feel like they woudl be excluded, ostracize: either you talk abut your
trip to this sunny country or ....sort of thing.
In the ten years where I was jobless due to Graves Disease, I at ties
woudl pick the phone -when I had one, that is:)- to just have a
conversation about the weaher or ask people how they were doing. Used to
be that in my better days, asking others how they felt and listening to
their probs helped me feel useful and also put my own lil things into
eprspective forget my own worries, and feel human for having a
conversatrion that was normal.
However, knowing how poor I was by seing hwo skinny I thenw as when they
woudl see me, and for hearing me say that no, I coudl not go to this movie
or play or concert or this ad that, very fast people assumed that i I
alle,d it woudl be for money, when I called just as I always had alledthem
through the eyars: to have news and ear about them, to have soe friendly
contact with others, to just keep the friendships going, etc.
But they woudl not allow this because they woudl go hum-hm...hmm-hmm, in
this udnerstood way, not sayng a thing, leaving long silences if I asked
hwo they were doing etc, with the total attitude of thse attached to money
that thouht soemoen woudl ask them for some, while she never did.
Want it or not, when they asked years before for me to go ith them here or
there that costed, I woud decline. If they took it personal, I woudl
explain that nononono I just was saving for soem other thing. But they saw
it as being broke and poor and to them it equated 'she willbe asking for
money'.
To this ay even in my normal months of budget, the oens where all works
fine, if no extra n the bank, but fine, really, they still act that way.
How dared I ra the taboo?
Well, I dare, dam it. Too mnay people collaspe nd are are scarred for life
just out of others reacting in fear of being asked soemthign when they are
not. Of course those ho care offer even when not asked, being caring and
all. And of course woudl it come to that point where I really woudl risk
being on the streets, I would say so.
But this is NOT the case.
The landlod always did well after he got to see me b that way, with
waiting for a late rent, knwoing it *will* be paid.
So no rosk of that Just me the Virgo not liking to be late in such
things:), and liking nubers to add up fine and to balance fine:).
I am justshort because I CHOSE to buy ins to try and get somethign
workable in the house to try ad sort this mess from the storage on top of
the basement boxes that piled up in moves when I was sick and near
paralysed, unable to walk wihtout falling, for those years that I was.
Once one gets to feel better, they want to get on with life at long last,
and yet there is all that to get through ebfore they can think of having a
life, because life also is about some basic organization that in my case
takes ten yeas of sorting and then soem to be able to get organized. Thats
all.
It was a calculated spending. I knew it woudl bring on tight months. But I
CHOSE to do this in hoope it woudl help me get out of the mess faster. It
is. Bt takes time, as I knew it would.
Nothing unplanned in it, really.
Does not make it a nice xmasa time but makes it a nicer longer term thing.
Jst a bad fe w days to go through or monehts in a few days, where after
xmas I will feel better, since will have a few days off to work on the
sorting...
but makes one think of others that do not have it easy, and that live this
and worse each day of the year.
And I do think this shoudl be thought of in this time of the year
particularly, when people are more enclined to thik decently and care for
their neighbor.
If you want to help the oor, then the poor are always with youas you
wrote:). There are some enar you I am sure. Probably in your building,
someone is there that coud use a lil thought for XMas. Or some elderly in
some hospital or some child with children's aid in some foster home...
But I am fine: I live in a heaed place, messy and piled up as it may be. I
eat when I am hungry, and I still have stuff to cook in the freezer,
nothign to worry about there.
I just CHOSE to not spend on XCMas because otherwise I woudl have to ive
off soeoen else's help. If some brick falls on my ehad I already might
have to borrow from kiddo for a few months, so I am tryign to responsibl
see to my budget, tat is all and that is a choice.
Makes one sad and heavy to not be able to afford such things, but that
omes wiht beign responsible and chosing to not get ito debts any further.
And remember that as my pay will get lower, the month after, my car
payments will be over. That will be more lose on the check to make it coe
to balance faster. AND again, if I remember well, e have a three paychecks
ion one month coming is it in March, really lucky I felt when I checked
the claendar for that. Usually hae to wait for May or July for those 3
paychecks and deliverance day:), but it will come faster this year:).
Once that rent is caught up, I will have more lose than before on my
pachecks!!
AND we had a raise this year, that also camewiht a three year back pay
check of hich much muh taxes were taken out. Then an equity check backpay
for three years as well, also with a ton of taxes taken out. So I might
have an income tax return out of that real fast.
I cna also take some mney out o my RRSP if need be, in Fe. Might be a good
thig to actually do so and switch it to one of those saving thing the
government arrnaged in tthis crisis here where we can have up to 5,000 in
savings in an account withut paying taxes on it. The RRSP money was put
aside because it is tax deductble, making the tax additional payment on
income balance o zeo if you count it right,. and allowing you to then put
the money in the bank in a RSP instead, that they allow to be used for
buying a forst house. herefore my putting it there, bt it could seve
pehaps even better in a savings account, for not having to be put back in
the RRSP as it woudl require woudl I take it for a house downpayment.
Don't have enough for a downpament, but who knows, with wat can be pt this
year on that RRSP thing, given the extra checks and additional icome and
taxes paid, already on those hecks, to make the downpayment.
unno if I woudl be accepted by a bank anymore for a huse with the economy
havgn changed. All people who should never have been were accepte din the
apst eyars but silly wise me just prefered to wait until SHE resposibly
felt she woudl have a safe chance. By now they talk about mortgage
interests going higher soon,so..might be my life story with timing and
being too prdent exactly.
But oh well.
As yous ee, I still can make do. I just chose to try and amke it without
touching that RRSP money, in case I coudl by some luck buy a house one day
and make the ''rent''. the monthly mortgage payment, be lower than what a
rent woudl cost me by the time I woudl retire, else when retired and old,
I could not afford an apartment even on my meager pension, having missed
work for health reasns for a deaade or so and lost all my pension due to
tat. I col buy back oly 4 years of it, because after a break in working
years, one had to rebuy. Coudl not afford rebyuing decades, so....
Gotta plan, that is all.
Besides, for all one knows, they might not make it to 65 anyway:), so one
dya a a time, whle thnking ahead wisely and prudently still, is the best
way to go.
Agan, thanks for your aring, but please....
If things get bad, there is always kiddo. He lives fine. He has his ups
and downs, the tighter times beign when he too has to face income taxes
time, his income beign irregular and their arterly payments beign the same
regardless of what one earned in a qaurter of a year. In his feild are
months that are etter than others liek in any other. But he surely lives
fine and all, and he is always ready to help, no worry to have there. He
was raised by this here mom, after all:).
So please do not worry.
Of course I try and make do without having to depend on kiddo nor being a
burden on others. And again, this was MY choic,e my decision, known that
others might ntt understad, but that too ad if they woudl not: I HAD to
overspend on some month to get them bins to try and get things done in here!!!
Was not gonna stay in a jam forever if at times it feels liek it already
was forever I was stuck with boxes piled up:).
I am fine, really. Just expressing that as much as it is planned and was
known to be hard ahead of time, it is life, and a part of life and
soethign normal that peopel should NOT make taboo, so that exactly, when
it happens to soeoen they do not feel so alone or ostracized, and rememebr
that it si normal, that it comes ot an end after working on it, and that
oters understand and do not see them as bugging themfor money nor as big
bad people that need shun out of some lace or otehr for gong through
soemthign NORMAL in life.
Again, I DO know you emant nothing abd at all and offered caringly.
But simply this is a time tat it is due to my CHOSING it so to better get
ahead and out of this piled up mess:)
Just feel sheavy to be piled up in a mess for XMas, with nothign looking
XMassy, that's all, but that's a fact of normal simple life:)
Hugs and thanks for your beng a carign decent human being!
C
Mxsmanic
> So you are already home.
Well, yes. That's where I spend my time when I'm not working. Where else would
I be?
Vitara
>
> > A true thing. And I am thinking on the fact--
>
> >> And here I am, dreaming of taking poor ones to a meal, to slidi..
>
> > "The poor will always be with you...." --Jesus. Then words to Mary
> > when Mary had chided Martha for not helping with the file meal they
> > were preparing for the Master. (Martha had washed his feet and
> > annointed, the drying part having done with her hair.) The words to
> > Mary were that Martha, doing something of play and a less-toilsome
> > ministry, was closer to the Higher Power.
>
> > The woman in synagogue giving of her last 6 cents was praised, yes,
> > for her token of commitment. But Martha above all.
>
> >> ng on tubes
> >> on some hill, etc, etc. Which tends to still make me think that one' hear=
> > t
> >> size is inversely proportional to that of their wallet;-)
>
> > That effect is to be observed. Yes, without doubt. In some ways of
> > observing; yet....
>
> >> Same old belief at back of mind that I did not rid of yet:)
>
> >> C
> But they woudl not allow this because they woudl go hum-hm...hmm-hmm, in
> this udnerstood way, not sayng a thing, leaving long silences if I asked
> hwo they were doing etc, with the total attitude of thse attached to money
> that thouht soemoen woudl ask them for some, while she never did.
> Want it or not, when they asked years before for me to go ith them here or
> there that costed, I woud decline. If they took it personal, I woudl
> explain that nononono I just was saving for soem other thing. But they saw
> it as being broke and poor and to them it equated 'she willbe asking for
> money'
Yes similar to years ago when I visited my parents, and my younger
brother from down the road happened to be there. We were looking at
my motorcycle. I had the gas tank open for some reason and was
hearing it echo inside. (2/3 gone). And I said, not thinking, "Empty
tummy" with maybe a chuckle. His reaction was to flinch. He thought
I was, with an aware mind, hinting for a fill from his tractor-storage
tank. Well I was not particularly low on funds. Had money in the
bank.
It made me feel bad. In the future.... well, less contact with such
ppl.
He is unusually prosperous. And is "attached to money"! <supra>. I
now realize anytime I go near some person like that in the future --
one whom I know well, I should have everything as tidy as possible.
So there would be fewer possibilities they be nervous that I need
anything.
I think this is a good topic. A sub-subject of the "poor and smart"
machinations. There are many ppl I associate with who have more than
I. If I become more skillful and be carrying reassurances (as in the
way I dress?)*** that I will be asking exactly zero in our relaxed
and spontaneous time together,
then I will get stung not so often.
*** Yes I may have a not-so-good coat, practical and the best for the
occasion/which I have...... but if I wear my special, special scarf
(from the Salvation Army :) which shows the dirt ../ well as soon
as I am away from the person I visit, I carefully put nice scarf into
a clean bag and hence into my saddle bag -- to keep neck warm with a
common-looking scarf. .. Then they think "Oh P.. has such a
remarkable, expensive-looking scarf."
I was told by parents, "clothing is so very important." pfffT I
grew up exactly at the time when ppl (students and their cohorts)
began wearing dirty jeans and giving little attention to their
appearance. "Woodstock nation", called. So I was a lil' bit in
rebellion to these ideas of my parents, and certainly was not bothered
by those needs.
/But now as I become more financially secure... (Monetarily
comfortable but, as they say, *secure" -- not worrying.) --I begin
to see. What sociologists call "social opportunities" are better when
others are easy and accepting that one will not, say, order at a
restuarant less luxuriously than they -- and have a teeny feeling they
should pay for one's dessert.... Now I am becoming more financially
secure. And see sometimes, with a one I have nothing in particular in
common with, wearing tennis shoes (white) instead of ordinary leather
makes a difference. Those with higher quality "boots" [old English
for quality or benefit ] I can trust more.
With someone it can be started off convivial and having rapport. With
some person about whom I have a hunch not comfortably brought up and
to not understand: poor shoes can relate to stress..... With such a
one I can be less confident I'll not receive pettiness. Inadvertant
pettiness.
My parents always said, "Good shoes pay off in the long run."
Refering to fatigue from standing. Dad farmed and mother taught; so
each -- as their parents -- needed to not get tired from poorly
supported feet.
Those I see with white tennies, if they cared, could watch and watch
at the Salvation Army thrift store. For hiking shoes. I know, not
sounding so sanitary (but bowling alleys do sanitizing.... :-I ) ,
I bought a pair which lasted 10 years. $4 for hiking boots which
support the ankle and have quite good insulation.
Born to the petite pan (pain?) :(
e
> poorer ones or the oens having a arder time at some point in their life
> feel like they woudl be excluded, ostracize: either you talk abut your
> trip to this sunny country or ....sort of thing.
>
> In the ten years where I was jobless due to Graves Disease, I at ties
> woudl pick the phone -when I had one, that is:)- to just have a
> conversation about the weaher or ask people how they were doing. Used to
> be that in my better days, asking others how they felt and listening to
> their probs helped me feel useful and also put my own lil things into
> eprspective forget my own worries, and feel human for having a
> conversatrion that was normal.
> However, knowing how poor I was by seing hwo skinny I thenw as when they
> woudl see me, and for hearing me say that no, I coudl not go to this movie
> or play or concert or this ad that, very fast people assumed that i I
> alle,d it woudl be for money,
Here is a nice memory of my own : A certain neighbor (distant cousin)
was billed a certain amount for a group-related creek-cleaning. Maybe
10 farmers benefited from a "dredging." My brother did the work. His
excevator. This neighbor received his bill, from the County Drainage
Board. But not in position to pay. Well I heard about this. After
waiting a couple months, when going past (on the same road to my
parents house) I dropped in. We talked a few minutes, then looking at
me he flinched. He thought I was there to dun him. We continued to
talk a good while longer then I left. I can reasonably hope and
expect that he eventually could see that his household and my
parents' (next door to brother) household were still on speaking
terms.
From Brother I had heard no rancor. I knew Brother was writing it
off. But a comment had not gone, a letter had not gone to neighbor.
So I felt something was needed to give him a better feeling -- as
to : no law suite would come or bad words circulated anywhere.
Forget it. Forget it dude. We know you do not have the money; and we
[Anglo values here] know you have not frittered it away. << >>
(clasping of hands:)
Gracious ppl and well-to-do [2d-cousin of mine, the psychiatrist;
well,very certainly her father :) :) (( )) ] are so capable of
seeing someone less-well-off (but with some good, full reason to have
conversation or an outing) and IMHO perceive whether a caution need be
exerted as to <loan for ticket> is needed or something.
I went to the home of an unofficial minister (Protestant) once. When
new in California. I had been given the recommendation to see him. I
drove (recently bought old car) the 10 miles there. Not thinking; I
just wanted to go. We talked two hours. I will always remember the
friendliness and fresh ideas. As I was nearing the door, in the midst
of taking leave, I remember that I hadn't the petrol-fuel to get
back. I would probably run out of gas. I asked him. He ran to the
bedroom; I think he glanced or murmered to his wife; he eagerly put
into my hand either $2 or $3. I was just out of college, so long ago.
I've never felt bad about that. Nor the time in the exact middle of
Hollywood walking past a laundromat 5 miles from home. My car had
broken down and I needed 40 cents for the bus. A fellow standing
outside, 2 or 3 years older than I, I asked for 40 cents. He smiled
comfortably and with warm words gave me, again a couple of dollars.
Just *pushing* them in my hand. And now I often and "readily* give
money like that to others (when only for certain stated purposes).
When only a boy (25), that was one thing. In these more-recent, many,
years that kind of thing would be something else.
> when I called just as I always had alledthem
> through the eyars: to have news and ear about them, to have soe friendly
> contact with others, to just keep the friendships going, etc.
>
> But they woudl not allow this because they woudl go hum-hm...hmm-hmm, in
> this udnerstood way, not sayng a thing, leaving long silences if I asked
> hwo they were doing etc, with the total attitude of thse attached to money
> that thouht soemoen woudl ask them for some, while she never did.
I learned recently a 1st-cousin (RN nurse) was occasionally borrowing
money from someone, well, closer to me. The cousin had a _larger_
earning power. ?? WTF
Eventually the loaner became cooler and ceased being an admirer of
cousin. Cousin comes from a very good family, dentist who broke rank
and treated black patients, a sister to this RN is a veterinary who
was valedictorian. Brother in law there who was county judge and
renting-farmer. :) :) But this Mrs. R.N. just had to "borrow"
money. (Don't know if she repaid.) So it is still a shock that this
would happen. The asking, on the part of the better-off one.
(Shaking head, not comprehending.)
> Want it or not, when they asked years before for me to go ith them here or
> there that costed, I woud decline. If they took it personal, ...
That is a significant point IMHO. When I contemplate stronger
friendships with persons here or there I am acquainted with, who have
more..... it is tickets and being able to accompany to a wished-for-
show. That I ponder :( about.
For me the answer might be : to make clear from relatively early : if
somehow a show comes up that costs (eg "Fiddler on the Roof" $32 per
seat) A) maybe I can buy my ticket with no hitch, happy, B)
maybe you should be prepared to go... perhaps with a companion we can
both arrainge to go with C) maybe you will offer and give good
reasons why you will pay for my ticket,and we negotiate it (I will be
allowed to manage a car repair you have been putting off--me with all
my car contacts and long-ago repairing) D) maybe we will decide,
with some sadness, to not go.
These being the price<s> to pay for a relationship between two
dissimilar-in-$. Better that than never going to a show with anyone.
I recall 10 years ago, with someone; he had an extra ticket and his
intended[] date did not go. Many years, 10. Those who have
experienced it ( L. ) can make compromises.
I can imagine asking for a lunch date. When part way through the
decision, saying, "If it is decided we will not go to the cheap,
bottom-priced place where I am comfortable, then it might be you would
pay 1/2 of yours."
Once when in Philadelphia 12 years ago there was a man I was being
thrown together with. He knew many of those I associated with and we
enjoyed conversation. He asked me to lunch -- in mid-city. $
$ !!! I was watching my pennies and had less income than he; yet I
knew he was not actually comfortable. So I said, "I will pay for
1/2 my lunch." To which he smiled and said yes.
If someone asks me where I am now (smaller, non-costly town) I might
say, "Yes if I can pay 1/3 of my lunch. Otherwise, *no chance*!!! So
they see their asking me to go to lunch with hir will not be accepted,
flat-out, for them-pay arraingement. Money is often just symbolic.
Poor boy and rich girl, dating/ go to dinner/ felt that eventually
they will have an arraingement of going dutch/ but for first date,he
pays all. A symbol. If huge emergency happens,say unemployment going
to 70% and a retreating to farms in the family, the man is the
provider.
So me, being an ex-engineer with a numbered mind, I could say 1/3 I
must pay because the freeloader..... Well for a time in my life,
before 35 , for a place to stay I was a freeloader. And I am very
ashamed of that. To freeloaders I condescend. That is a sad
business. The offer of lunch from someone who wants to have a meal
with me..... sometimes I cannot accept as a pure gift. My language
however may not be a yes-or-no. But grey-scale. And here, a person
earning 10 x of my income and wanting to pay all..... If I know
(s)he is supporting 2 children at the Sorbonne, then of course that
person is watching some pennies. "So here is a gesture. You know
that my $5 of a total-$30 lunch date matters in my pocket."
I think Quibecois do not think in such mincing ways. Anglos however
are more constant in their carefulness and will manage in more pickey
ways
> I woudl
> explain that nononono I just was saving for soem other thing. But they saw
> it as being broke and poor and to them it equated 'she willbe asking for
> money'.
>
> To this ay even in my normal months of budget, the oens where all works
> fine, if no extra n the bank, but fine, really, they still act that way.
> How dared I ra the taboo?
Since most of my college was in sociology (after engineering) I was
shown how I could accept some of these inclinations as processes-in-
nature. Yes when taken too far, they are regarded by a (good-hearted
one) sociologist. But sometimes just a neutral thing of Tao, the way
things work. Rich people instinctively park not near an old jalopy.
I learned painfully last summer, when moving with a truck to this
apartment, how a new car is so easy to scratch a teensy bit and
require $700 to make perfect again. (I had to pay that, just to
keep a neighbor happy.)
/ A rich person with Cadillac parking near a jalopy a) would be
near one who more likely without thought when opening and getting
out, and b) is operating in more careful, highly-predicting
environment for himself.
And do I need give energy to scornfulness toward the Cadillac-er?
No. Just live and live and keep a little distance. [Me from him,
LOL. I don't care for the close, friendly influence of one with such
a mind. :-)~ ]
>
> Well, I dare, dam it. Too mnay people collaspe nd are are scarred for life
> just out of others reacting in fear of being asked soemthign when they are
> not. Of course those ho care offer even when not asked, being caring and
> all. And of course woudl it come to that point where I really woudl risk
> being on the streets, I would say so.
> But this is NOT the case.
>
> The landlod always did well after he got to see me b that way, with
> waiting for a late rent, knwoing it *will* be paid.
So maybe, if I understand, the landlord can careless in maintaince if
he feels like it, has pro'ly IMHO the need to have the last word, BUT
hasn't a mean heart.
/ If true I can feel happier. (Something about trust U whether
th'world is a cold place
)
> So no rosk of that Just me the Virgo not liking to be late in such
> things:), and liking nubers to add up fine and to balance fine:).
> I am justsh..
> Nothing unplanned in it, really.
:) :)
> Does not make it a nice xmasa time but makes it a nicer longer term thing.
:)
> Jst a bad fe w days to go through or monehts in a few days, where after
> xmas I will feel better, since will have a few days off to work on the
> sorting...
I enjoy hearing language like this.
This is the first Christmas in memory I have actually enjoyed. This
new neighborhood I have moved into, and flat-management who will not
tolerate noise
....all are making my life TOTALLY upward-moving.
/ So am, finally, at a level -- where disbelieving in the
commercialism of Christmas, I can still be happy that these other
careless, commoner people are
having joy
>
> but makes one think of others that do not have it easy, and that live this
> and worse each day of the year.
I wanted to be an M.S.W., social worker with diploma. Yes these I
think of, and see in the library constantly.
I try to tell a few things to mainstream people, the ones who have
sheckels. For example, in social work studies, "It is not for
throwing money at the problem." We must understand why these homeless
ppl are that way (I've read [one source] at least 1/2 of them
receive gov't checks). In the US. Alcohol is a problem most do not
understand, real estate and pretentious archecture/Western world...
where are they allowing bunkhouses to be built?
And aggression. More that money by now, in our cities is barely-
controlled aggress
>
> And I do think this shoudl be thought of in this time of the year
Yes
> particularly, when people are more enclined to thik decently and care for
> their neighbor.
>
> If you want to help the oor, then the poor are always with youas you
As I understood the interpreter Jesus said that to encourage ppl
sometimes not worry constantly, personally, but have some flowers in
their own experience. In the long run, what we do for the poor
oughtn't be a guilt trip or with sadness. From dull, flower-less
lives. Or pigeon-less lives.
> wrote:). There are some enar you I am sure. Probably in your building,
> someone is there that coud use a lil thought for XMas. Or some elderly in
Well, how about Bob? Of the 10 of us, one is always with sad eyes and
unable to recognize me sometimes, for her sadness. Another of the
ten... lost his sight 10 years ago. . . .
He is the only practicing musician here. A good, friend-to-be who
lives a block away in this fine neighborhood once was a musician. He
and his wife. Now he is too busy with grandchildren and all. At
first I began thinking I'd try to pull him back to music. (Me with
minor lessons when young :) But eventually I began to think how I
would get the two of them together, the musician among these 10-
apartments and my friend.
this will not happen automatically. I will have to keep it in my mind
and speak at the right moment
> some hospital or some child with children's aid in some foster home...
Yes I should go up..... I live 1 1/2 blocks from the city's
hospital.
>
so I am tryign to responsibl
> see to my budget, tat is all and that is a choice.
> Makes one sad and heavy to not be able to afford such things, but that
> omes wiht beign responsible and chosing to not get ito debts any further.
>
> And remember that as my pay will get lower, the month after, my car
I still feel concern about the car. This and that. For one, that
light pro'ly is not a big thing. They put lights in more recent cars,
relatively, for "engine management; attend soon." But still, a light
makes me nervous. Until it is known exactly what the light says.
> payments will be over. That will be more lose on the check to make it coe
> to balance faster. AND again, if I remember well, e have a three
:).
>
>
>
> As yous ee, I still can make do. I just chose to try and amke it without
> touching that RRSP money, in case I coudl by some luck buy a house one day
> and make the ''rent''. the monthly mortga
On the one hand, renting SOMEtimes is cheaper. OTOH, having lived in
an undesirable neighborhood 5 years (or 15 yr?) to buy in a modest
neighborhood might be . . . : . . same housing costs, pride of
grounds-maintaining, and better neighbor-relations. Where yards are
adjacent, ppl talk to ea. other, children are out more. Flats so
often are a bad environment for neighbors.
am late,
.......... V.
ge payment, be lower than what a
> rent woudl cost me by the time I woudl retire, else when retired and old,
> I could not afford an apartment even on my meager pension, having missed
> work for health reasns for a deaade or so and lost all my pension due to
> tat. I col buy back oly 4 years of it, because after a break in working
> years, one had to rebuy. Coudl not afford rebyuing decades, so....
> Gotta plan, that is all
> So pl. .. do not wo....
> Of course I try and make do without having to depend on kiddo nor being a
> burden on others. And again, this was MY choic,e my decision, known that
> others might ntt understad, but that too ad if they woudl not: I HAD to
> overspend on some month to get them bins to try and get things done in here!!!
> Was not gonna stay in a jam forever if at times it feels liek it already
> was forever I was stuck with boxes piled up:).
<snp>
%
at a stripper bar
Mxsmanic
> at a stripper bar
I can't see any reason to go to a stripper bar. I don't even know if such
things exist in my town, although I suppose they do, since it's quite a large
city.
I like to sit in front of my PC in my leisure time. I used to go for walks as
well, but that costs too much now.
%
i was just saying other places you could be
OJ Simpson
for pity or finger-wagging discussion as the saddest people in the
country -- those with nowhere to go, no smiling faces to greet them
wherever they lay their heads, no excited patter of children's feet as
they scamper to open gifts, b/c nobody ever chose to conceive children
with us.
it is a time when one could weep, except i keep busy -- albeit not in
the paid, employed sense. but one could easily succumb to defeatist
thoughts on this most hyped day of the year in the christian world.
Mxsmanic
> xmastime is when those of us living alone find ourselves singled out
> for pity or finger-wagging discussion as the saddest people in the
> country -- those with nowhere to go, no smiling faces to greet them
> wherever they lay their heads, no excited patter of children's feet as
> they scamper to open gifts, b/c nobody ever chose to conceive children
> with us.
Stop watching television, and you'll be fine.
> it is a time when one could weep, except i keep busy -- albeit not in
> the paid, employed sense. but one could easily succumb to defeatist
> thoughts on this most hyped day of the year in the christian world.
I've spent every Christmas alone for years, and it hasn't affected me. If you
get depressed about it, that's your choice.
Eleonore Beaudoin
Indeed, it cna be a downer for those who are alone or aloned.
Thank God I was too sick to even think self pitty thoughts!
Bdies know hwo to force us ito rest whe they so need. Such fine machines
bodies can be:)
Was glad I was sic enough to not think of goi to see anyone and to have
stayed home, so as to nt give this to anyone anywhere.
Much much better already. Dry mustard thng worked wonders!!:)
I cna now move my arms and shoulder blades much more and that too I had
not realized: just hw so stiff the rib cage had becoem that moving my arms
and shoulder blades was hard, and my movements quite limited.
Cough went down immediately after dry musard thing, and gradually went to
a complete halt:).
By the evening, my rib cage was tingling, a bit liek itching, where that
was alsways said to me by mny mother to eb a sign of ehaling. Blood
circulation coming back to nromal I woud say with skin tingling/intching
sensation from that:)
Still feelign tired. Me thinks it was way worse than I realized until I
awas home on hliays, with not havign t punch by duty anymore, etc, gettign
off the auto-ilot mode nd realizing just how bad it was only after being
off work.
Lung on right side still lets me know it i sensitive and needs caution on
my part to not get ito any cold air, draft, etc. I keep the frnace at 74F,
a bit too ht, else it gets cold and lets me know again real fast.
Means another dry mutard thing woudl be a good thing. Will do one again
later toay, after the things I got for that family of four are sorted
through again, put in bags and boxes, and after the person picked them up
on their way North to brign them to good port.
But am incredibly better, given the extra short time sicne the forst dry
mustard thing. Again, that thng did wodners:)
Glad I stayed alone and did not getanyone sick. In my lil wa, I then made
many a nice xmas present, by not being there...:)
Beware f the self-pitty thoughts. Tose 'being sorry fr oen's self' and
feeling forgotten and all that kid of thoughts.
Try and find a way to promise yourself to not give into those. Don't let
that eat your 'heart out'., i.e. eat your responsibility towards
your own happiness away.
Perhaps now woud be a good time to think of making that some resolution
for the new year: to not allow any thoughts that coudl in their sneaky way be
interpreted by the subconscious as self-pitty, so as to ot allow the
subconscious to linger and dwell in self-pitty situations nor create them
thinking that this woudl be soem norm you woudl be seeking.
Best way to prevent the subconscious from makign this a habit thinking t
does you a favor is to show it other thoughts, self love happy thouhts,
love for others happy thought,s even if they will feel like self-lying at
forst, because of th brain and subcnscious after a while being too used to
see sef-pitty thoughts as its (or your) reality or daily life.
Shake it off. Don't let it eat your ehart and soul out!
Show it who's the boss.
Take responsibility of those thoughts: think the thoughts youw ant the
brain and subncionscius to brign up all eyar round, this coming year,to
replace the sad ones of the past years.
As real as it may be or seem, affrm opposite thoughts if need be, even out
loud if you can as that will even make the senses contribute to settgn in
new parameters or a new reality to come along by your very ears hearign
the thoughts that you WANT and CHOSE to program your subconscious t have
from nwo on.
Rememebr the others were entertained and affirmed and reaffirmed in
similar ways without your making any choice about having other oens so
far, for soem time, and that then the brian will by habit thinking it the
reality ou wanted, kleep on throwign those thoughts your way: agains, as
real and exact as the may SEEM, rememebr they are just THOUGHTS and that
those you an have cotrol over, and infirm by affirming the very opposite
one, as mucha sit woudl feel liek a lie at first.
It akes moneht and years of entertaining bad downer thoughts for them to
set in: but it can take a secodn to rwrite over each oen of them until
they all are rewritten and reprogrammed to bring along the reality you
want to have the brain ready for. Settignt he aprameters of that new
reality, again.
Best wishes for a healthy, happy, blooming New Year's resolutuiion and for
not allowing the thoughts themself to whisper it woudlbe no use from the
start!!
FIGHT IT, OJ! But not with firsts. With self love thoughts and with
changing the thoughts that are not constructive and not in line with what
you want to be like and live for those you want your life to be like.
Our minds CREATE.
The thoughts we entertain are the material or medium that will be used to
paint the cabas of our life.
It is up to us for that part at east to decide if we want a painting of a
sad clown or that of a beautiful magical scenary.
Events we have no cotrol over. But our thoughts we can CREATE, and in that
have an impact back on some events and on how we live the events we have
no control over.
May God grant us all the ability to accept what we can not change, the
courage to change what we can and the wsdom to knwo the difference, as the
AAs would say...
A wish and prayer that can also be adopted by every sober and nn dependant
person as well, sicne it is a prayer of self empowerment in the end:)
Best wishes,
C
Eleonore Beaudoin
OJ Simpson
that was the day i fell forever out of the crowd.
from then on, marked and scarred, i could barely breathe
at others' joy and laughs, i could only seethe
now the snow slashes through my withered heart,
try as i do to function, i simply cannot restart.
those who remember me recall only a blurry face
someone who never thought suicide was a disgrace.
oh to have a noose yank and sever my brain stem
to be found lifeless in my own feces and phlegm
Eleonore Beaudoin
Not a very pretty sight...
Nor is it very uplifting a tought nor life mode...:(
It sometimes can be a good thing to not be remembered, to start wit a new
slate, to meet new faces, without any expectations towards what can come
out of it, each little moment taken as a surplus that would otherise not
have existed.
Most people do not want to suicide: they want to Live. They just do not
want to live *what they were living* anymore...
Starting with that idea, it might be worth trying soemthing else then
instead of throwing that life away: making a new life with new thoughts,
cleaning the slate of the mind too, as in New life, ad not as in dragging
the old feelings and thoughts into the next moment.
Can you consult, where you are?
Maybe you aready do, I don't know...
Do you read?
How is te finanial side doing? Can you afford renting movies and trying to
go places, or buying a book or magazine?
Sometiems a magazine is easier, wen oen is really down and out, for
shorter thigns to read, and more actuality, also lending itself better to
start conversations with others around us. Like if one can afford to of
course, having a magazine to read whle having a coffee somehwere where
other peopel come and go. Somehwere where there are tables where you can
sit and feel at ease to not be thrown out if you take your time to read
the said magazine...
Some palces have newspapers they leave for others to read, too....
In that costing only the coffee.
Where abouts do you live? North America or other? N need to specify if it
is too personal, just trying to think of things to try that might fit
where you woudl happen to live...
Do you look for work? Or do you feel like it has been too long with
nothing on your resume and feel stuck, maybe?
Could you afford a class? Or do you feel like by now you could not go out,
a bit agoraphobic maybe from being stuck indoors?
What do you do with your days?
BTW, the contact on my page as severed, but not by me. Perhaps some
mishap? I have a lot of trouble with my system...A new one coming up soon,
and hopefully that will solve the communication problems...
Feel free to reinitiate the contact at ny time if ever you care for it, of
course...
Tried to email you XMas wish with card pic, but it bounced....
C
OJ Simpson
wrote:
that's about it. i don't talk to many people, not that they have much
to learn from hearing me. i don't have much to spend, so to stay
current i read in the library and in coffee places, as you mentioned
Eleonore Beaudoin
> On Dec 27, 1:29=A0pm, bc...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Eleonore Beaudoin)
> wrote:
>> OJ Simpson (tariq.1.ra...@spamgourmet.com) writes:
>> > the day i was fired i went home and cried out loud
>> > that was the day i fell forever out of the crowd.
>>
>> > from then on, marked and scarred, i could barely breathe
>> > at others' joy and laughs, i could only seethe
>>
>> > now the snow slashes through my withered heart,
>> > try as i do to function, i simply cannot restart.
>>
>> > those who remember me recall only a blurry face
>> > someone who never thought suicide was a disgrace.
>>
>> > oh to have a noose yank and sever my brain stem
>> > to be found lifeless in my own feces and phlegm
>>
>> Not a very pretty sight...
>>
>> It sometimes can be a good thing to not be remembered, to start wit a new
>> slate, to meet new faces, without any expectations towards what can come
>> out of it, each little moment taken as a surplus that would otherise not
>> have existed.
>>
>> Most people do not want to suicide: they want to Live. They just do not
>> want to live *what they were living* anymore...
>>
>> Starting with that idea, it might be worth trying soemthing else then
>> instead of throwing that life away: making a new life with new thoughts,
>> cleaning the slate of the mind too, as in New life, ad not as in dragging
>> the old feelings and thoughts into the next moment.
>>
>> Can you consult, where you are?
>> Maybe you aready do, I don't know...
>>
>> Do you read?
>>
> o
>> go places, or buying a book or magazine?
>>
>> Sometiems a magazine is easier, wen oen is really down and out, for
>> shorter thigns to read, and more actuality, also lending itself better to
>> start conversations with others around us. Like if one can afford to of
>> course, having a magazine to read whle having a coffee somehwere where
>> other peopel come and go. Somehwere where there are tables where you can
>> sit and feel at ease to not be thrown out if you take your time to read
>> the said magazine...
>>
>> Some palces have newspapers they leave for others to read, too....
>> In that costing only the coffee.
>>
>> Where abouts do you live? North America or other? N need to specify if it
>> is too personal, just trying to think of things to try that might fit
>> where you woudl happen to live...
>>
>> Do you look for work? Or do you feel like it has been too long with
>> nothing on your resume and feel stuck, maybe?
>>
> ,
>> a bit agoraphobic maybe from being stuck indoors?
>>
>> What do you do with your days?
>>
>> BTW, the contact on my page as severed, but not by me. Perhaps some
> ,
>> and hopefully that will solve the communication problems...
>>
> f
>> course...
>>
>> Tried to email you XMas wish with card pic, but it bounced....
>>
>> C
> not much to say, i live in the western hemisphere and work and read,
> that's about it. i don't talk to many people, not that they have much
> to learn from hearing me. i don't have much to spend, so to stay
> current i read in the library and in coffee places, as you mentioned
So you did find work then...
Your poem made me think you maybe were still without a job.
Sounds like you maybe are like me, with a job, but being alone, all that a
second paycheck from a spouse brings in loose to build a life with, you do
not have either.
I often think of how 'out-of-date' the taxing those who live alone got to
be. There are so many programs nowadays to help people with children
(daycare, parental leave when a new child is born of up to one year,
family allowances, bonus at third child (here in Quebec anyway) etc)...
I often think it is amazing that this still is done, taxing the single
ones for life doubl and triple what others are charged. It is like giving
the single ones a third world life in the middle of the western one.
The pressure then is there to find a mate, or to earn more, while not
changing income bracket to be taxed out the more we would earn.
It then is easy to ake the single oens feel like failutres,
having none of the social success or prestige to show for on their clear
income.
People here used to sdhare apartments or houses to divide the rent, but
now, that two are same gender and hetero, or diff genders but gay, does
not matter to our Income Tax Agency: all will be charged as if a couple
if they share a place by any Dec 31st. With no dependants, that means they
wuill be taxed double, with no tax deductins, their income practically
being taken as one and same, i.e. as if for one person only, so the
governmen can take more taxes out still.
Yet not much is said by any political party about that fact. It is not
about to change on its own either I woudl say since s much taxes can be
collected that way on the back of those who have the least to live on.
And so, the pressure and the media image of the glamourous couple with
family dreams or already wiht fanily go on, presented as the norm, hile
the nom in fact is getting more and more about being alone in this western
rat race life.
Gets heavy after a while, too. Of course, the ones looking for a mate go
by the media image too quite often: the cute chick with the fashion stuff,
the guy with the latest haircut and clothes fashion, and car and yadee yada.
In the meantime, I sigh, looking at them head for disaster, basing their
marriage on the wrong things, ad thinking that I will make them live their
dream, in fact, closer to a nightmare by the end of it, 2 times on three.
That is, 2 times on 3 before seven years. More than half the rest will be
lone sooner or later too, be it due to the passing away of the other for
those who will not divorce afte r 7 years (many do after 11, then after
19, and finally after 27 years of marriage, after the kids are grown up).
It is a reality, and a heavy one, not just in thoughts, but by its very
beign reality in our society.
There then are little means to break through that form of slavery, i.e. pay
for those who dream without awareness. Who live by media pub and so on for
values, and looking better than the Jones, ending up ruining the economy
for living beyond their means, even with means that are Nth times ours.
And yet, when the taxes will go up to pay for their mess, we will again be
the first ones to pay....
nd of course, if I say I want to buy a house, because when I will be too
old to work, rents will be out of range competely for me, while a mortgage
woud go down, where then I might have a chance at having a rof longer
before they park me in some old folks homes, which for single oens must be
the pits too, given their having no money in the bank, -I then am thrown a
'Why on earth woudl someoen *single* want a home?'.
I find the question funny.
I am not sure what part of it seems so weid to them: not throwing my
meager icome through the window? Having a yard to at least grow a few
veggies and flowers? Or for a dog to run in? Having a pc room and a
reading spot? Having a basement for storage and space enjoyment and do do
painting projects and crafts? Maybeto finish and rent as a sperate unit to
stop this 'you are a couple' nonsense if I rent a room in my own house to
help my income?
It is as if single peope did not have any basic needs, like a roof over
their head that they can (hope to) secure...
Yet in the middle of it all, I see no organization or association for
singles. Only for singles *wanting to meet a mate*.
The same, I soemtimes see in restaurants 'two for the price of one' or
'Ladies night', but then that means couples get half for free, and if you
are single, you pay more for your meal to compensate for the costs of
offering a couple a free meal...
I am not saying that being a couple is easier: if it was they woudl not
divorce at such a rate. In fact it is the couple dream that is just way
overdone, and all stats are there to show it. The economy too!;-)
But I am living a different reality, simply. As you maybe are, if you
often mention feeling sad for having no one to share life with.
I guess I gave up on that so alled dream, too aware, knowing too many
things to just gobble the magazine stuff. Too weak too to give it what it
takes, wher I yet know I woudl still give it way way too much, just out of
knowing me. It woud not be a ood situation for me, because I'd always lose,
not looking at it as a 'go and win!' perspective at all.
The dream must be much harder to give up for a man. After all, despite
feminism and all that, realit still is that women are the cooks and
cleaners at 90 in couples. A man then can at least have been served meals
for x years in a relaitionship, at least gaining life enjoyment in that ad
in not doing laundry, and finding his clothes bought, washed, ironed, in
the closet or in his dresser.
But for a woman, that incetive is not there, so that makes it easier to
cut off the crap, and wave the supposed dream goodbye.
Often people asked me: 'But if you get sick as you get older?'...
Well, what if? Is this an offer to take are of me? And if peopel were
taken care of as they got sic and older, hwowoudl all those homes for old
folks be making money? Do they really think their soupe will stay there
when hey get sick? Maybe a few monts or years, but passed that? The spouse
will get too old too, soemwhere down the line anyway. And if not, they
will not ant to live a life taking care of soeoen else anyway. Stats are
there to show that reality too!:)
Or I am asked 'Don't you miss tenderness???'
Of course I do!:) But if tenderness is genuine, it can happen without any
slavery necessary for it: if tenderness existed for real -it does but is
ever so rare-, then there woudl not be so many divorces, there woudl not
be so many people living on credit out of the need to feel alive and feel
pamperign through soem credit card, there woudl not be wars either. But
all those exist and stats are there to show it too;-):).
As for missing tenderness, the married oens that ask me are asked back the
same question:
-How long have you been married?
-X years.
-Well, then: don't YOU miss tenderness??;-)
Each time, I see them bow their head, and in a half understoo smile, nod a
muted 'yeah...Hmm. Yes. I see yor point'.
If at least my heavy taxes coud help them be happy! But nope. They do not
get tenderness either. And everyoen knows that if the man gets sic, its a
drama for a sniffle, and the oman needs bring them soup in bed..But f she
gets sick? All the housework piles up and she will have double e housework
to take care of once better....? Erm....And all that so that he stays on
his idea of what the pefect one woudl have been like, until he runs into
this younger model and, well trained by the credit compnaies, 'Leaves
home...without you'...?;-)
Nah. If ever I see someoen that happens to fit the value profile, has a
disposition to love life, an ability to cook and do his own laundry
wihtout the ability to apss it on to others;-), and woudl that one still
see some valid reason in some union that woudl not be based on savings,
but on love, then sure, hey, that woudl be fine.
But none of that in sight....
And my eyes are wide opened, probably to de for this life society proposes
and ecourages, so that new future tax payers are made, among which will be
some alone ones paying more than any other to make it go on and on like a
vicious cycle.
In a way, I am an abnormal salmon: I refuse to go against current with
each breath I take to go lay some egg and die. What am I, crazy?;-):):)
I cna achieve the same by staying alone, and have the shouts, the bad
momens, the selfish spending of the other,the ifidelities, the sickness of
the other, the moodiness, etc, etc, in less. I only have mine to deal with.
If there was tenderness for real, it could be so easily be taken care of.
It is not, therefore real genuine tenderness still does not exist in this
aprt of my world.
Perhaps tomorrow.
I take it it is so rare that it might not happen in one person,s lifetime.
And so while it *could* happen in mine, I will nothold my breath and hurt
myself with a dream that makes no sense, unless one is money oriented and
has spending values instead of being values. Caring universally values
instead of the Dollar Sign god that both the car makers and the
car consumers pray in unisson, mistaking it for a different God.
There is enough on the plate of a single one without adding to ta spending
for the possibility of a dream.
So...In the advent that it never happens in my lifetime, what else is there?
Of course, there could be the listening to those who lived it and are now
boren hearted. Been there. Done that but in the end, they think they are
better when they run innto another stereotype and fall head over heals for
thecredit card already-made society dream.
There is volunteer work: there too, done mostly by single ones, them big
bad unprodctve lazy losers;-). But I already give in taxes...
And of course, if soeoen starves, it usually is again the single ones that
will find a few dimes to spare and a plate to offer. No need to get into a
volunteer organization that collects funds and keeps 90% for its own
administration. Thanks, but please....hanks but frankly...
So what else is there?
It is not so much the real question. It is not a 'what else' but a 'what
there is' going around that makes it be so.
96% of people will want to live an illusion all their lives.
In between the russian roulette that it is, and the oller coaster ride of
emotions that it is, they will have moments of thinking they really have
it made. Until the next downfall. If not theirs, their job, their business,
whatever.
The 4% remaining is a mager percentage, and has ifferent vies like
everyoen else does. They ae not necessarily made for each other just for
not buying already made one-size-fits-all-ideals.
But they ahve to start thinking that they are NOT the losers, despite what
it loks like, and that they do have a voice, and that they can write what
I am, or write whatever they write, speak what they want to, express that
they are as alive as anyone else, if they do not eat at the same
restaurant as the Jones, or do not go to the cinema to see the latest film
in which the new hairdo or clothes fashion is thrown at them.
By a case and effect way, beign a marginal can only be seen as being original.
And in even animal kingdom, whatever is different or original is casted
aside. Outcasted. Same process with humans.
We have to remind ourself and each other that we are not defective. That
we are just more aware. That we are not losers, despite not spending like
millionnaires -since we are not millionnaires and sicne we know too well
what that leads to for everyone, the 9% included. Cause f they do not care
about us, we care, period. We can care while not wishing for the same
thing, can we not!:)
If exchange and dialogue, or even two monologues or 25,000 can not be
allowed 'because of' being single or being marginal or being 'original' or
'weird' to others, then all we woudl have elft to do woudl be to shut up.
To pay and spit and say nothing for the price tag on our single head.
To stat dreaming of a bachelor apartment to die in, instead of our right
to own as well, as much as we are more carefl with our income and will not
risk to lose a house so easily as couples living on credit beyond their
means...Because we KNOW how hard it is to save pennies and dollars, and
what survival means. Beause we keep in touch with REALITY.
A few generation ago, parents were ejected as they got old. Kids woudl not
bother with them anymore.
Nowadays, it is the single ones that are done it to, that hey be 19 or 64.
Or beyond that age as we for some of us will get older than that, too.
People will tend to hire someoen who has kids before a single one.
Figuring they are contibuting to help more lives. Are they really?
Yes and know. In the short term maybe. In the medium term, we all see what
that lead to.
Times will most likely get harder.
Unless the marginal 4 % starts reconginzing their own rights for their own
self, and stop feeling like failures because of some tv ad or magazine
centrefold, unless some voices sart to speak up despite the opposition of
the '''happy couples''' running the wold to a spending disaster, lving off
the tird world and off the singles of their own country to round their
months by their paying less taxes, unless we realize how much we do
contribute to society and unless we remind each othe so, we might as well
adopt their view, the 96%'s and put a sigbn around our very neck that
woudl read 'loser', witing it ourself instead of leaving tem the chore,
poor things. Busy as they are preparing their New Year's party on credit
again;-).
So. Some of us are not gullable. Shoot me, people.
Cause tough luck: we are NOT gonna jump of that bridge on our own! We
will not put that rope around our neck. Though those who did did not
really put it on themself: the 96% did.
But to be sure we do not contribute to making another 4% type give in to
the propaganda of the medias supposed happy consummer's life,
we oughta recognize each oher and speak up. Not necessarily against those
things. Most f us do not are to, because they exactly wanna live soemthign
else than that "it' that the media offers.
But maybe in time, after recognizing each other and our very existence as
valid and of huge contribution to society, maybe one of us woudl ed up
some day a film maker or a magazine owner or a photgrapher or a writer,
anythign that can make the stupid one-dream-fits-all fashion and social
trend come to grips with reality.
It is not about feminism. Not about masculinism or whatever they woudl cal
the equivalent in men's liberation.
It is about saying NO to false needs, saying no to a system that does not
include us, not fallign for those 20 pairs of shoes, and not feeling like
we will be worthless if we do not get a giant tv screen.
It is about saying YES to common sense, yes to inclusion, yes to
differences, starting with our own.
Maybe this way, some day, some fo th4e 96% will stop and blink and think
'wait a minute...Makes too muc sense....'...
Maybe some wll then also recognize what the 4% has to offer, recognize their
extreme contribution, just like once upon a time, they had to recognize
that of gay people, and n decades before that, the rights of wmen or the
handicapped.
heck, nowadays even children have legal rights.
But single adults are looked upon as if they ahd none and no power, save
that of puttign a noose aroudn their neck, supposedly beign losers in society?
I probably contribute more to society than anyone else on the ng, as sngle
one taxed to death for one thing.
As the oen called when a service is needed and forgotten if a check comes
in first, as ecent xMas events showed me again.
We are far from worthless.
And they will not say it for us: they are busy making their party list, of
which we will not be. Only party they woudl think of initing us to woud be
a pitty party list;-:). Thei own that is;-).
Once tey are better, we are again forgotten?
No. Let's show them some spine. Let's stand our ground. Let's respect our
rights.
And let's have them show and be heard and seen, and let's use the rope to
keep on tying the budget and let's keep that job to see to our own future,
because they will not be there when we will be in need, remember?
You sre can chose to go on dreaming and hurtign yourself while you do, for
not being this car owner or this millionnaire or this jock or whatever
else the magazines say you must be. You can hurt yourself too looking at
what suposely other guys get: the centrefold.
Or you an have a look aroudn and see how a few eyars down the road,
neither of the two looks healthy, neither of the two looks in love,
neither of the two can live excet for the compensation of spending and
spending and spending, hopeing this extra thing the Jones do not have will
make them happy...
Do I miss tenderness? Man, I sure do!! Acutely.
But Master Card and Visa and the likes do not offer it;-).
Just the illusion of it.
So...Your eyes might be more opened than that of others.
They might even hurt you.
JC said 'If your eyes hurt you throw tem in the fire'.
I say 'Before you do thatm, ask yourself a question: is it your eyes tat
hurt of the vision you keep starign at? erhaps it is the vision and
illusion that should be thrown in the fire.
Perhaps all you need to do is to look at something else. Or at the same
thing with a different perspecive.
If the perspectve you have doe snot include self worth, then git your
glance on something else: why not look at... reality isnetad of an illusion?
Might be less dreamy a life. But might be more pleasant moments to
reality than there possibly can be in measuring what you would lack to make
an illusion your Life Dream.
Long live lonely people!
They have the right to Live too! Let's exercise it!:)
Let's face it: even euthanasia is getting to become a written law so that
we have a right...to die. The lonely ones will of course be the forst that
euthanasia will apply to, since they will still deam the llusion and not
be able to take that pain anymore way before the others.
In that, we would be granted the ''right to die'', while never having been
recognized the full right to live ever in our lifetime??
If they are going to offer us the service of ending our lives, by
George...Iam not gonna do it for them. I say I am alive, and I intend to live.
I say I am as worthy as the next person, and then maybe a bit, because
heck, after all I pay more taxes for one thing, don't I?
So no way.Don't do their llusion safe-keeping act, their self-elimination
of the single ones plan.
Heck,. Hitler was thoght the devil for having people brought to the oven,
and we should on our sole own do that for an illusion buit by big
companies that our government are helping out on our taxs now, as we all
fght to eat and just get to work and pay the bus or parking?
Already, we do not have the right to drive in certain lanes! alk about
discrimination:). Not only we get no rebate or half price night at the
restaurant, we get there later too...? Mpft:)
What else? Voluntarily getting on welfare to give the married ones our jobs?
Cause after all, what woudl single ones need a job for? Tp pa a mortgage?
But what coudl single ones ever want to do with owning a roof over their
head to start with, huh Huh?;-)
Nah. I say breath the air you want to breath: it is yours as much as the
next person's. Sit in that cinema if you can afford to: and do so proudly
for being alone, and for knwing your worth in this society, and have
copassion for those poor ones who still are completely brainwashed and
paid their tickets on their credit card...
Surely there is something we can do and say and show off for, about being
against overconsuming. Now that the non-single ones finally leartned about
the big company heads having bonuses bigger tan their mortgages will ever
be, all in one year, while their mortgage is over 30 years. (Why woudl
they ever want to own a house? The will be stuck wiht it 18 years after
when the kids are grwn up, or will lose it in the coming divorce 2 times
on three!:)
Single ones are the salt of the earth.
They are the violunteers, the oens with ears when others cry, the ones
with a heart when others are hungry. The oens that pay the most taxes per
capita in porportion of the salary on the planet.
Without them society nt only loses money, free help, many social
organizatiosn for the needy and the poor, they lose all the new ways of
looking at things. They lose all that comesd usually with a life of
loneliness and of aching to care: poems. Novels. Paintings. Drawings.
Sculptures. Essays. Philosophy. Astronomy. Music. You name it!
You, I, we all are a full part of this society.
An as such we should stand rpoud and not feel self worthlessness ever, and
we should never give-in.
If beign a full citizen of a country is paying taxes, ten we even are more
of itizens tha the rest, darn it.
Let's not feel bad to sit alone in cinemas. Let�s remember as we sit alone
in coffee shops. In Libraries paid with our taxes. On the beaches our
taxes keep cleaning. At that desk at work that we did not steal at all,
and that makes it so we can pay the extra taxes that give us the darn
right to sit alone and be aware of our worth.
Hope some other people can decide to so do, and to show the smile for it too!
So that one day they ask instead of ''don't you miss tenderness?'' (what a
silly question)
-Tell me how to smile? Tell me how you see the world? Tell me why your
eyes shine and do not hurt you like mine do? Tell me how you manage on
your own when we an not even with to incomes? Shw me how to write...? Can
you show me how to paint? Can you teach me to sing? Or even better, their
just saying 'Hi, there! Are you alone? Yes? Hat off to you! And thank you
for all you make possible for the rest of us!'.
-C
OJ Simpson
hunker down as usual. what a miserable decade the preceding one was.
it began with the world mesmerized by the dotcom bubble and with AOL
on top of the heap. what a laugh that was. and when the sheeple had
that dotcom bubble pop in their faces, they promptly inflated another
one, that of real estate. a decade of horror and mass death too. a
decade to be forgotten.
The Chief Instigator
Over here, I heard only two bangs of fireworks in the first minute of 2010,
much better than last year.
--
Patrick L. "The Chief Instigator" Humphrey (pat...@io.com) Houston, Texas
www.io.com/~patrick/aeros.php (TCI's 2009-10 Houston Aeros) AA#2273
LAST GAME: Rockford 5, Houston 4 (OT, December 31)
NEXT GAME: Friday, January 1 at Milwaukee, 6:05
Eleonore Beaudoin
While your tendency is to search for negative things of the past decade,
mine is to try and find the good that took place.
I must say that being awake in the midle of the night nd just logging on,
my mid draws a blank.
It definitely was a decade marked by the US decline, and ending with a
Canadian decline as well. In both caes, due to some illuminated political
leader that in one case took himself for God, in the other, took the US
President for the Holy Spirit, you'd think, following in his footsteps and
even pushing the line further.
In both cases a commonality: the madness for oil and for money, for making a
personal stash, and not giving a hoot about the consequences on the
rest of world.
If the US was known to the rest of the world as not realizing there was a
world beside it, it certainly came more as a shock to Canadians, who for
most seem to be as oblivious of the fact as Americans were. Only, we done
it in a few years, not even over a decade, let aloeover a half cetury like
the US...
This country's worldwide reputation was one of peace. One of living
without crime and corruption ever being anything as high as in other
countries. But where it already reached proportions in political ranks
similar to what we used to hear was the daily thing in Russia.
Just like for Bush, our Premier was re-elected, oil companies backing him
all the way. Money buying votes and making maffia connections.
We now are among the big polluters of this planet. With the result that
the ice up North is melting so fast that ships can go through with no control.
With the result that polar bears are dying and disapearing from the planet.
With the result that the rest of the planet is as affected.
With the result that four more young men and a young woman died in this
completely irrational war for poil control, now carried to Afghanisan
under some supposed 'bringing democracy by force' to other nations:(.
With the result hat with the economic situation now, this country is
selling its exploration rights and its natural resources to other
countries for buck, and not just in the case of oil...
But before this decade started, I knew that it would happen. That going
the way they were, the US would be the snake eating its tail, choking on
its own self for exactly doing what all empires are bound to end up doing
after thinking itself the belly buton of the universe, and thinking that
nothing and no one else worths even giving a thought or second glance,
because they are not American, not american ideas, nt the American way,
they woudl end up needing to breath, and either learning how to manage to
breathe by allowing fresh air in, new thoughts, etc, or learned the descent.
Learn the lesson rom which there is no return. Like Romans had to and so
many before and after them.
I knew other countries woudl be taken down by it. I even looked forward to
the day it woudl all have been done and over with, where a new order woudl
start, becuse I felt there was no possible other way where the US given
its way of thinking so highly of itself, woudl lead itself to.
But to see a Canadian Premier who thinks f himself as Father Knows Best
while his ideas are very retarded, while he thinks that gays are human
eings not worth rights, and that women should not get abortion in any cae,
and that the world still is flat, probably at that rate, that a Canadian
Premier makes the wheel turn the other way and destroys the country's
reputation and goes so diametrically in the other direction than it always
had, as if he never had seen anythign that was done properly before, and
that we have as the only opponenet someoen with an American mentality, who
was born in Canada but lived in the US all his life, and now immigrated
back to become our next Premier,with all this means...Even referign to
Canadians as �we Americans' in his speeches, when caught off gard...:(...
Sigh.
I knew we would go down for having too much trade links with the US.
Economically. But morally, politially, humanitarianly???
Good grief:(
I rememebr how everyoen feared Y2K at the begining of the decade. Soe
feared the end of the world by a computer inner clock.
In fatc that was possibly the forst hoax of thi new millenium we were
embaraking.
One where many programmers who knew better yet shut up, because they woudl
work extra time, overtime, paid a fortune to sit and play games, to watch
for a way to win over ths Y2K thing that never even existed.
That should have been a big hint of whee the decade to come was going.
In fact, it had already sdtarted here with corruption under Jean Chretien.
In this last decade, finally, an enquiry was held that lasted months and
months and was followed fo each of its hearing sessions on national stations.
In it we learned how some Minister was given over 1 departments to
control, where with the Permier's blessing, money was stolen from each and
distributed among a bunch of well aid ministers, who had just voted
themself a 400% raise in salary on top of it.
We also learned how the three whistle blowers were thrown in jail, and how
the ones who did the corruption for their own ockets and for electoral
funds, illegally, are not only still loose, but living the big life, the
main charqcter in this having bought himself a vineyard and now hoping to
make money on people selling them wine.
The big corruption started in the early 80s. There always were corrupted
things done, of course. But on this large a scale, that deep into it, and
that generalized at that level, I'd say around 1983 was when it became
more and more felt that soethign was competely off with our political leaders.
Times will not get easier. They will get harder.
Util the US --and sadly other countries of the richer ones, Canada
included, will all crash to misery.
I would have hoped in a way that it woudl have crashed faster, to faster
get back up with some new balance and way of doing things.
But of course, being as they are, and the entire word and rich countries
all being that way too by now, money and corruption leading, nder nice
speeches and the darn image thing, where peope vote for an image mor than
for what really ahs value and substance, it can be stretched a long time:(.
I do not look forward to the harsher times. But I hang on to the idea of
the Time After.
A time where people will rememebr wht matters, and will have learned, as
sad as it is that they hae to, that corruption mens destruction, and
thatwhoever is at it is not worth associating with nor being fed.
Let alone elected and put in power!:(
A time where laws will be made so that parliamentary figures will no
longer have imunity. What a stupid principle to start with!
A time where those who allowed war crimes will be uniches for them just as
the Law already says they should, without ever being applied to politicians:(.
A time when elected ones will also have to earn their pay by making a good
job, and not be paid a big fat retirement if they are caught red handed
after a lifetime of corruption and theft from tax payers, and where they
are put in jail instead of in a ig fat vineyard when they are �retired'
early in reward for their criminal contribution.
A tme where lil people, as they are called or as they feel and will feel
for those who do not yet, will remember to not give trust nor money nor a
blank check to leaders of that kind, but also to any neighbor that robs
for the sake of filling their pockets.
One where the rich oens will not have the best attprneys and the poorest
ones the bottom inexperimented ones, because they never were corrupted in
the frst placeto ake millions to pay attorneys.
One where poeple will remember their own power, and where they do not have
to say high and invite the OJ's of the world that pretedn the glove dfon't
fit them, and who do get aay with muder. (I mean here not you but the real
OJ, for an image). One where when peopel act that way they are simply
shown that no one is tere for them anymore, showed disagrement and a flat
decision to not want any dealing with them because they are not wrth trust
nor affiliation.
One where people will do the extra mile to find the gas station that
treats them with decency instead of gvign them a ean impolite, rude
treatement and service.One where we will rememebr that if they live for
money, then fine: if we must spend a dolalr here or there, at the grocery
or at the cleaners or anywhere else, we will NOT give those one penny f
they do not act with decency and treat us with basic respect.
One where if a phone or cell phone company treats its clients with total
rubbish and rdeness, sending them bills or thousands when they never
signed up for that, the rest of us backs up that one person to show the
company beter and all remove our name from their client list sending them
into misery instead of us all. Not allowing this kind of thing at the
basis, so that it can not reach the top.
One where peope will care for the poor, rememberign that if they stole,
they woudl not be poor, and that pverty can be a sign of honesty and true
values, while looking rich can be a sign of total corruption, and one
where Image is ot enough to fool people anymore.
One where looks and superfcial things will be seen for how they can be
destructive, how they cotributed to destruction of a planet, and one where
then common sense will be back.
It might take until 2022, I'd say.
But the next deacde will get us closer to that time and age.
One of reconstruction, one of losing it all and learnign to adapt to a new
way of life. One of initial sruggles, but a miser and stryuggle necessary
to remind humans of wha is iportant in life and what can make the nicest
dreams crash lamentably so fast and easy: the money God, in short.
There, Obama is not any better, since he fights money wit billions. One
corrupted side for another.
Any muslim would tell you that is not what Islam is about. Just like any
christian woudl say that is not what chistianism is about.
Even those two saw their share of corruption. The christian chuch and te
Islam one.
Butthis decade did make many see and wtness one exampe of unity in
Christian and Muslim and other religions that was about soemthng else.
I think here of John-Pau 11. This man went through the decades that
preeded and saw the decline arrive.
I rememebr his words:
''-Do not be afraid....Do not be afraid...."
He went through WW11. He saw it all before. In a complete madness that
nopwadays is turngn around.
After pesecutions, some Jews did not leanr and now persecute other nations.
Given a country of their own, some of them kill and bombard mercilessly
ther people without a land. Showing in that that they too can be
extremists, and that they did not learn...
Just like there are extremists in Muslims and in Christian fundamentalists,
without it meaning that all are the same.
No, a arliament shoudl not be a religion or a religious elite group of
poliical power ever.
But the people shoudl always keep in mind the power they have about
deserving respect and being treated loyally, farly, etc, by thse who woudl
wantto abuse their being in a better spot. Be it as I said the corner
store owner hat treats them like expandable ones.
Be it the banks that lauh all the way to your houses, instead of it being
the old ''people lauging all the way to the bank".
MONEY is what drives the corrupted ones, of course.
Theirs. Yours they only want as theirs.
And in that the powr we have is simply this: do not hand a penny for any
service unless that serice is provided to you in a way that respects you
as a human being. Do not buy a quart of milk where a casher reats you like
shit. Do now buy gas anymore in a garage were you are treated like a
number and sent to hell bvecause you so coudl be replaced. Because if the
next person also does so, then they will not longer have what feeds these
economic tolls: your money. My money. Everyone else's money.
This way when theor store or garage or any other business closes, in ts
place will one day be a good peson and good employees, rememberign that
they also need t be nice and polite to save their job and keep earning
their bread, where they too when they leave work will be careful who they
give their dollar to, an will have a nicer life for it all.
While we still must buy and pay, let's at least do ths for the next decade.
And let's not wait too long, let's nt wait until we woudl not even have
the dlalrs to pay fr that mortgage, that car repar, that tothpaste tube,
that pair of socks. Lets start refusing to buy where peopel have no
respect for life and living ones, for human beings, anuimals, plants, for
nature, for all that is essential to our well being, that of our neighbor
and of the planet as a whole.
I"ve been doing this sicne decades myself.
Even as a single one person, I saw many many commerces go down after they
mistreated me, mistook me for a neglectable thing, nsead of seing that I
was a human being, and that what they did woudl one day fall on their
kids heads. Not out of puttign any bad spell or giving them the bad eye,
not at all,. But out of just refusing that this takes place for all the
conseqwueces it has that are so so much bigger than just lil me!
Consewquences we see now, and will see for a while but that we maybe can
affect and oderate by chsing where we spend our dollar(s).
In everyday simple little buys.
When you bought your xmas presents, did you lok at who owned the company?
Hw they treated their employees? If they slacked 2,000, did they pay
themselves so many bonuses that they coudl have kept those and ten hire more?
How about that person that does things with their own hands, or that
started their lil company, maybe sells 50 cents more for a same product,
but with it, feeds his loved ones, instead of makig a stash and laugh
all the way to your house in the end, ie. like banks made so many lose
homes, where once they were supposedly in deep poop, they never tok the
money the governmet gae them to redress anything, but only to slack people
and pay themseves bonuses?
Is a person a walking dolalr sign? Is money their leitmotiv? Are they
members of the Dollar Sign 'god'? re they adoring a golden calf??
Or are their values put in the right place?
By now even the best pepel are gettign it so hard and are so frustrated...
Last month whle I was putting milk in my coffee at work, a woman from
India descent who never saw me nor her, happened to say to herself out
loud, moaning:
-I am so tied of how rude peopelare!!
-Was the cashier rude to you??? I know the boss. I coudl speak to him if so.
-Oh...I mean...In general. Everywhere you go, people are so rude! It
getsme so upset! And in time it gets so gard to not become like them!
-I know exactly what you mean....Soemtiems I think we shoudl start a
movement that denounces it by focussing on un-rudeness. Used to be known
as carig and respect and politeness, but one can wodner where it all
went...One alone can feel overwhelmed by it so wide spreaded it is...But
sometiems I think maybe if some assciation woudl be made....hatw e shoudl
do some Movement or association for Politeness and Manners and all that...
-Yes! Yes, I think so too!
-Well the, do you ahve a pen and a piece of paper?
I gave her both my hme email addie and mywork email addie.
But I guess it was a bit too late for that one. She was not polite enough
to ever follow-up, and never offered me her cooridinates in exchange....
If only others woudl follow.
We don't have to bow and die without our way of 'fighting' back.
We can not refuse to pay our taxes. But maybe when commeces and businesses
are not the mega type that does not pay taxes anyway, but are many smaller
ones that serve a community they can relate to, people that are their
neighbors and so on,rgardless of where they liv, that is, i.e. people who
share the same values and work fo the same jstice in everyday life fair
and polite trewatment, pehaps then when the mega ones can not offer some
bribe for some permit that the pooerer one coudl not get to for not having
money to bribe politicians, perhaps then, the goevernment woudl run better.
If we did that, it only could.
I say power to the People. To the Peoples of the world.
Ask not what your government can do for you. Useless to even think that
anymore. That one stated in the 60s, with the son of a maffioso getting in
power and beign shot for it.
Ask not what your govenment an do.Ask wat you can do for you government to
not have the means to eat the shirt off your back, and walk in your house
and take the keys.
Simply do not give you moey for prducs that you buy when you are
mistreated or ignroed for your essential needs in life. Starting with
respec for humans, and then respect for life as a whole.
Individually and globally.
This way we can make the next decade better, and signify what we don't
take anymore at the level where we woudl be the most efficent in saying
it. Not with bribes. We dont have that kidn of money and dont care to be
among the corrupted oens. But with simply not buying where poeple, we or
soemoen else we see not treated ith respecta nd dignity, be it on the news
in some other country that sells in ours.
Money is the only thing that speaks to these people.
They al swin in it.
But we eachwn part of the plug at the bottom fo their pool.
It is in our simple hoest eery ay power to sink them to the bottom where
they do belong. Not in violence. Not in crime. Not in corrption,. But in
sipy rememebr that we as peope do own some of the money that ends in the
pockets of the wrong people. Let's opt to give it to the right one, and to
base it on how e are respected as human beings and how others are
respected too.
Let's make the most of the next decade, at least!
May many mnay join. May many any, may oh may everyone get t do this so as
to throw a stick in the wheels of corruption as a supposed wayof life.
Have we not seen enough hwo it is a way of death, of war and of
destruction of even our back yards? eck, of our very houses and homes?
C
%
"The Chief Instigator" <pat...@io.com> wrote in message
news:slrnhjr5ve....@eris.io.com...
lets see how long you can go without mentioning time , travel or age
%
"OJ Simpson" <tariq....@spamgourmet.com> wrote in message
news:29074653-791f-4512...@q16g2000vbc.googlegroups.com...
nice steal from another group
OJ Simpson
> "OJ Simpson" <tariq.1.ra...@spamgourmet.com> wrote in message
what is stolen? what r u referring to?
the best thing about the past decade for me is that my physical health
remains sound. but loneliness eats away , eats away at every fibre of
my being