Brooke's Garden XIV
Lana B. Swan
It's been a while since I've posted and someone wrote and requested an
update so I guess it's time to post again. I thought maybe I was writing
too much, but since there is still interest and there has been progress,
here goes.
This has been a very difficult month. I can't seem to think of anything
encouraging or comforting or supportive to say so I haven't been writing
much. I just got a call from Travis who said he would like to join me in
visiting Brooke at the Old North Church on her birthday this Friday. That
makes me feel a little better because I really didn't want to go alone and
no one else seemed right. Travis is perfect. We'll have a nice ride into Boston
and back together and perhaps he will have an idea of somewhere else he'd
like to go. I'm just glad he's going to be with me and that we will be taking
Brooke the single white rose she asked for when she told one of her friends,
"If you ever bring me flowers, bring a single white rose." He did. I will.
I also got a call tonight from the monument man. He said the proof is ready
for the bronze plaque. He said "It came out perfect, just like you wanted."
He's going to fax it to me at the office tomorrow. I'm not sure how Rick is
coming on the rock, but I am feeling that one of the foundation stones from
the school in Maine is just right. As I drive along these days, I find I notice
rocks in a way I never did before. The interesting thing is you almost never
see a less than great looking rock. I see them and they look like they BELONG
just where they are. There's something majestic and stable about them. I
have a feeling Brooke's rock will be just that way. And in this case the
expression, "It weighs a ton!" will literally be true. Rick said, "You realize you
ordered this thing and you haven't gotten approval yet." I said, "Yeah, I know,
but how can anyone object to a rock?" Once you start noticing them you'll
see them everywhere and amazingly enough, many of them have plaques
attached. Or maybe this is just a Massachusetts thing? I'd be interested to
hear if anyone elsewhere has noticed this phenomenon.
Yesterday the printed faxed the proof for the invitations. They look
exactly like I designed them which is nice, I think. Lissa saw the fax and
when I went to my office today after an outside meeting she said, "I got
you something last night and I don't want you to be mad that I snooped and
read your fax." She gave me just exactly the type of Asiatic lillies I was
planning to buy. I told her they were perfect. She said she thought she
remembered me telling her the colors, but she wasn't sure pink was one of
them but she thought these were the prettiest. She's so sweet. She's planning
her wedding so we have little shower favors around the office. I love seeing
her so happy and it brightens up the office. So does the plant the size of a
Volkswagon they bought for my office. Whenever I'm gone for a couple of
days it just droops. I come in, water it, and pray for it to come back and so
far it always has. It's huge!
Kathy f is sending irises from her yard for Rick. She also sent a contribution
to the fund. (Thank you Kathy!) Lydia called from New Zealand and said she
wanted to send a plant for Shane. (Did you get my e-mail, Lydia?) Linda
wrote and said she wanted to remember her brother David. (Did you get my
e-mail Linda?) Barry's mother and father said they would like him to be
remembered in the garden. I told them I would let them know which flower
tells me its name is Barry. Emily's mother, Carol sent me a beautiful picture of
Emily so that I can see her smiling face when I look at her lillies. I'm sure I will.
I actually saw a couple of ways of labelling plants at the flower show.
The ones I think I'll order are copper and you engrave them simply by
writing firmly with a ballpoint pen. I do calligraphy, so I'm sure I can
make them look nice. If there's room I will write both the name of the
plant and the name of the person. If not, I'll just write the name of the
person. I think people will really appreciate knowing who is being remembered.
I finally picked up the pots and the potting soil from Kelly on Saturday.
We had a snowstorm the Thursday before last and last Thursday I got tied
up in a meeting and had to rush to my watercolor class. When Pat saw my
second painting of the same lesson she held it up to the class with the first
one and said, "Can you believe the same person painted these?" Guess that
means I'm improving. There was a new student who reminded me of Brooke.
Her name was Angela and I just loved the painting she brought with her and
the one she did in class. I asked her how long she'd been painting and she
said, "Well, I started when I was 12 and I just graduated from college, so
about 10 years." She's an architect which is what I always used to think
Travis would grow up to be when I saw him with his blocks and could literally
see the gears turning in his mind as he figured out how everything fit together.
There's another young girl in the class who reminds me of Brooke when she
was about 12. I guess everyone reminds me of Brooke in some way. I miss
her so much.
There has been so much sadness and loss of young lives in the last few
weeks. There were a series of drownings in ponds and burnings in fires
locally. All young children under six years old. And then the horrible news
from Scotland. I read that they were thinking of tearing down the gym and
planting a garden. I'm sure it couldn't hurt. I lit a candle Sunday and let
it burn in my window until it went out. I did that for many, many days
after Brooke died. Just a small ritual to keep my spirit alive when I
wanted so much to die so that I could be with her. I copied the list of
names from asg and also cut it out of the newspaper. I think we will have
to have a little Dunblane corner in the garden and read the names of those
poor, dear childen with the others. It seemed to me that each of those
smiling faces looked so exactly like Brooke at that age. I have a picture
of her on the first day of school in first grade wearing a yellow sweater
and a Scottish plaid kilt. With her blonde braids and her sweet smiling
face she'd have fit right into the group.
I visited my favorite bookstore in Newburyport again this weekend. I went
to replace my wonderful little book called "Momento: Solace for Grieving"
which I gave to Maggie to take with her to Japan. Naturally there was
another new book which I couldn't resist. This one was actually published
in Newburyport so of course I couldn't resist that and the words on the
cover: "Lightships Lightships is a spiritual journey of love that does not
end with the loss of a loved one. It is a love that transcends from the
heart of darkness into the light of a life transfigured." It was written by
the mother of a boy who as she says in the dedication "...came to earth on
February 3, 1971 and left on September 3, 1993" I wonder if I know this boy
or someone who knows him. I'm going to write to see if I can get permission
to share some of the poetry with asg because it is very inspirational. Brooke
came to earth on March 22, 1979 and left on August 24, 1995. I don't know
where she was before she came or where she went when she left, but I'm so
glad she came. I always believed that she chose me to be her mother and I
was always happy and proud to be her mother. I like to think that she is
nearby and can give me a clue about how to bring back the love, the laughter
and the learning that we shared. She was a miracle. Why shouldn't there be
another one?
There is a chapter called "Graduation of the Soul" in the book. I remember
Todd said that his sister (I think) used that analogy when his father died. It
says on the cover that Lightships has become a sought after book for
inspiring eulogies, memorial tributes, and personal messages of condolences.
This is the first I have seen or heard of it, but I believe it. The publisher is "Ray
of Light Publishing Co. 54B Kent Street Newburyport, MA 01950. Phone
800-430-0398. There's a lot of new (to me anyway) material. I liked it.
Well, I think that's all the news for now. The meeting with the school has
been rescheduled for next Friday at noon. Maybe the third time's the charm.
Let's all say a prayer for peace and an end to violence again tonight.
Lana