Holiday Help - From a grief-experienced widow
Daniel
stressful time of year for those in grief. I am reaching back into my
archives for some things that have helped me over my years in ASG.
This one is from my dear friend known at the time of this posting as
"Her Serene Highness" (a.k.a. "widow noir", "tea" etc.). This was originally
on the ASG boards on Friday November 8, 2002. This has helped me, and I
hope it may also help you.
: I've been widowed for close to 5 years now, so I've learned a bit about
: getting through the holidays. Her's my advice:
:
: 1. Don't drink. Believe me, you'll drink more than you expected to if you
: do. People will push alcohol on you to help you feel better- which really
: means that they want to feel better. If people try to push youto drink, move
: away from them or leave the party.
:
: 2. If you do go out, make sure there are a few people there to look after
: you. You'll need someone to pull you away from all the people who have to
: tell you how 'sorry' they are- and want to offer their theories on why your
: loved one bought it. Inevitably, these are the people who never called.
: They'll make you angry, so have someone who can act as a buffer zone.
:
: 3. Nurture yourself. Get a professional massage, treat yourself to a dinner
: of ice cream aand cookies, spend a day in your pajamas, rent or buy
: musicals. Take hot baths. Go for a long walk. You deserve it- besides, one
: of the sad things that death teaches us is that there is no forever. Don't
: postpone joy.
:
: 4. It's ok if you don't celebrate this year. You don't have to put up
: lights or bake cookies unless you really want to. After all, it's your
: house. The neighbors and relatives can stuff it-the only people who matter
: are the ones who live with you. For the first time in over 4 years, I'm
: spending a holiday- Thanksgiving- with my mother. I wasn't up to it before,
: because she's really annoying. I don't feel the least bit guilty. On past
: holidays I had friends over and watched movies and cooked; if that pissed
: off my family that was too bad for them. For Christmas I'm staying home as
: far as I know. I'm still not up to going out. Last year I went to the
: ballet and had a great weekend with friends- this year will be less frenetic
: and more thoughtful.
:
: 5. If you can, shop during the day. Take time off from work if you have to.
: Try to go with a friend. You don't want to go when the stores are too
: crowded. If you can, do your shopping online and avoid the crushes, which
: will just make you feel like the only person in the world without a loved
: one.
--
Daniel ( deltae...@usa.net )