From Cuso and I: Thank you all
C. T. Kutchyera
It's been 8 weeks and 3 days since we lost our wonderful African mutt
Cuso, and I have been reading this newsgroup for the past 7 weeks. You
have all been such a touchstone for me, and I want to thank you. I
haven't posted before, but have been thinking of it for a while now.
Reading about Bill's Ricky from West Africa spurred me into writing as
his dog also came from Africa.
We got Cuso as a pup from the SPCA in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe in 1990. We
lived there for 2 and a half years, and couldn't conceive of leaving
her, so she came back with us to Canada in 92. When we picked her up at
the airport at 3am, (we came back before her to find a home), the
airport officials had her out of her crate and were playing with her in
the office. Oh dear - the tears aren't dried up yet... She adjusted
very well as a Canadian immigrant - even grew a thicker coat in her
first autumn. Very quickly, she endeared herself to many; we travelled
with her wherever we went. She was our personal mascott, as we
explained her origins to people who met her. She was, and continues to
be a reminder of our lives in Bulawayo - all the friends we made (and
still keep in contact with), our work - everything. Anybody who knew
me, knew Cuso, she was so involved in everything I do.
When she got sick, we had the gift of 5 days after diagnosis before she
moved on to the Rainbow Bridge. My heart goes out so much to those of
you who lose your furbaby suddenly - I'm so sorry. She had AIHA
(autoimmune hemolytic anemia) - the rigourous medication schedule didn't
take, but the blood transfusion gave her and us a day of improvement.
Her tail continued to wag until the last morning. To anyone who
volunteers their dog as a blood donor - THANK YOU! Her passing was
(and is) devastating. The flowers and emails, and donations made in her
memory from her (our) friends was a wonderful boost. I even smiled a
bit through the tears.
When I first searched on the web for grief sites, I didn't believe it
would get better, I didn't take comfort in the Rainbow Bridge, I felt I
was the only one who could possibly feel SO low. But I kept reading,
and I recognised myself in other posts, and I gained strength in many of
the responses. I began to take comfort in the Rainbow Bridge, and in
other links I found through this newsgroup.
We (my partner and I) still have many firsts to get through - we've made
our first road trip without her - and we survived, though not entirely
dry eyed. The first trip to the lake we camp at, where Cuso loved to
go, will be so difficult. We plan to take her ashes there to spread -
when I'm ready. But I do believe you all now, it does get better, and
the warmth of her love does continue. I've accepted that the feeling of
loss won't go away, but then neither does the love. I feel her with me,
helping me through this all, and am trying not to be too sad as that
would make her upset.
I had a reassuring experience several weeks ago when I saw (pictured
her, imagined, however one interprets it) her with a childhood dog of
mine (from when I lived in Zambia as a youngster - 26 - 29 years ago!).
I hadn't thought of that special dog for a long time, but there they
were, the two of them, playing, and looking up at me as if to say that
things were okay. It was then that I really started to believe in the
Rainbow Bridge. I used to be worried that by coping better, I would
forget more. No worries anymore - no chance of forgetting such joy,
such love, and so much shared.
I still don't really understand how getting another dog is a tribute to
her - as I've read here, but judging by my progress so far, maybe I'll
get to that point. But not now. My heart is filled with Cuso, and I
don't want that to change. Unfortunately, my partner is more ready for
a new pup - I just hope he can hold out until (if) I'm more ready.
Again, thank you all so much for helping me go through this. I've never
had to deal with grief like this before - this close. Warm thoughts to
you. I know I'll be reading this NG for some time yet. sigh.
sincerely,
Carolyn (and Cuso at the Bridge - and apparently, Barney too!)
Joyce Sobey
It is so heartbreaking to loss such a good friend. My best friend passed
away just over a month ago and like you expressed, I feel that letting go
will be mean forgetting - that Buck's (my 13 yr. old black lab) memory will
fade. I hope to get past this stage of grief soon. In the meantime I keep
his collar and a favorite picture of his always close by.
I know your heart is broken and I'm glad this group has helped. It has
helped me tremendously, also.
Thank for sharing your story of Cuso. We are here for you.
Joyce
Marie White
My sympathy for your loss of Cuso. I wanted to explain the tribute to
Cuso part of grief. This works when it's the right time, and I sense
you still need time to mourn your loss.
One day you may meet another pup or dog and realize how much you've
missed the companionship. Or, you may come across a needy dog. Most
times, this is what happens to others. It will be then, when your heart
is ready, that you know it's time to open your heart to another,
especially one less fortunate.
I lost both my dogs 2 years ago. They died 9 days apart. I was
devastated over Sadie's loss as she was only 5 years old. She was my
heart. At the same time, my elder boxer passed away. I was so lost. I
missed them terribly, especially young Sadie. I grieved deeply for her.
Ultimately, this led me to put my name on a waiting list to adopt
another bullmastiff through the Rescue group.
Today, Polly and Penny are with us. Polly was a sick, starving stray
found on the streets. It has been just what we both needed. Penny is a
little beagle I adopted who has brought canine humor back into our home.
Keep your heart open. You will know if and when it's time. Don't rush
.. give yourself the time you need to grieve. Little by little the
grief loosens its grip (though it surely takes awhile). As you begin to
heal, you will probably see things differently. Let Cuso guide you as
I'm sure he watches over you.
Take care,
Marie
-=Lisa=-
Thank you for sharing the life of Cuso with us. This newsgroup will
continue to help you as time passes on. I keep coming back; I owe a great
deal to the people within this group. From my own loss, I am able to find
the strength to help others that come here as well. And so the circle
continues.
Cuso sounds like a one-of-a-kind angel.. The love in which you shared
with her was magnificent. It was so true and dear, I am so happy for you.
Thank you for becoming her family.. Giving your love and home to an animal
is one of the most noble things a person can do in my opinion. Especially
when it comes to adoption. Your post was very sad, and yet I could find
times when it made me smile too.
I just wanted to add one more thing. You mentioned at the end of your post
how you didn't really see how opening up your heart and home to another
animal is a tribute to your Cuso. Well I hope i can add just a little more
insight into this thought. Now before I do, I just want you to know that I
hope I don't sound too pushy, or whatever because it is your decision and I
can totally relate to how you're feeling right now. As I mentioned before,
it is truly such a great love that you share with your animals.. The world
needs more people like YOU Carolyn!! I have found that in my own grief it
helps to spend more time with my other animals, because it doesn't help you
to "forget" the one you've lost... Rather it helps me to remember the *good
times we had shared*... It's more of a reminder. And it's not an
unpleasant reminder either, it's really comforting. Also, there are so many
"unwanted" animals in the world.. though I consider them all "wanted" and I
hate that term. I wish I could adopt them all. Each one is a treasure just
waiting to be found. And another thought, what about an adult dog? I
adopted an adult cat , and the truth of the matter is, we don't exactly know
how old he is to be sure.. :) But he's an amazing guy. I swear he's an
embodiment of all the animals I've lost. He totally knows that he's safe
and loved, and how great it is to know that he is my baby.. I can give him
the life in which he always deserved. Nothing could give me a better
feeling.
Well listen Carolyn whatever you decide, take this time to grieve.
Grieving is extremely important to help you to heal with what you've gone
through. We never forget our furry friends because there is no love or
friendship in this world that can ever compare to that in which we've shared
with them. Warm thoughts *back to you Carolyn*..
Sincerely,
:*:Lisa:*: and Sparticus, Muffy (Mow), Rusty, Toby and Bugg Superstarr..
RIP angels..
"C. T. Kutchyera" <kutc...@ms.umanitoba.ca> wrote in message
news:3AE05C10...@ms.umanitoba.ca...
