I could use some help

[kendere...@gmail.com]

There was a terrible accident, and I am having some difficulty dealing with it.
Last year my dog found two stray kittens. It took me too long to get them spayed, as one escaped before I could get it done. Mistake, number one. She returned three weeks later and had kittens six weeks after that, three.
It was my mistake, but I took some of the edge off it by giving it the justification that the three lives would be lived and enjoyed that would not have otherwise ever existed in the world. They are about six weeks old and enjoying life, like kittens do.
Last night, before going to bed, I took out my dog for her break. In the darkness, I stepped on the black one. I rushed it to the emergency vet hospital at M.U., but it died.
I feel a great loss, and miss Oscar terribly. It is terrible knowing that he will not get to live and enjoy the long life that was ahead of him.
I worry about his mother and how this effects a mother cat.
And the way it happened makes for a terrible thing to live with. My clumsy misstep in the darkness ended a life, and I keep rolling the whole nights events over in my head, like; if I had not lost my debit card and been looking for it, I wouldn't have been going out that late anyway.
I have spent the day think of this and have come to the conclusion that I am not doing anyone any good by just hanging on to all this. In order to help the ones still here, I need to function right, and I can't do that by getting stalled on this, so I need to move forward, because the others that are depending on me need me to function properly.
But, that isn't easy to do, and it sure doesn't help Oscar any at all.
I could use some help.