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is your family supportive?

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Lance Arnold

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Feb 22, 2004, 1:24:05 PM2/22/04
to
good morning. after weeks free from
seizures i've developed a few. i had
the VNS surgical implant on 11-20-03
and it activated on 12-05-03. the im-
plant is working,but my family members
and friends say"i thought you werent to
have seizures anymore" i tell them for
me it is working just the way it was inten-
ded to!! i just want them to stop with the
questions and accept the fact i still can
have seizures even with the device!!!! i've
accepted that fact and COMPLETELY
SATISFIED with the way the device does
stop seizures and if i do they are not as in-
tense and also i'm more quickly recovered!!!
please give give some feedback. my sister
is very irate with me ecause i am satisfied
with the way the device is working! thank you
for your feedback. you also can e-mail me
at my home.

http://community.webtv.net/biblical1/ladymychihuahuaandi

CyberCafe

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Feb 23, 2004, 7:27:07 PM2/23/04
to

Lance Arnold wrote:

I can understand both points of view in a way. I have a family member
who gets frequent severe migraines. She saw a headache specialist who
started a new pain control plan for her, and my relative is very happy
with the results because she gets fewer headaches and they aren't as
incapacitating as they were before. I wasn't very happy that the
doctor's plan and the medications couldn't get rid of or prevent EVERY
headache, but I've got to change my attitude and be happy because my
family member feels so much better. Some medical conditions are never
going to be fixed; all you can do is control them. Same with epilepsy.
We have all these meds, devices, and so on to control it to whatever
degree is possible, but there aren't that many things that CURE it.
Maybe you can think of something that would be similar. For example,
just because a person wears contact lenses and has excellent eyesight
doesn't mean the visual problem is CURED. Do you get what I mean?

Barb


Lance Arnold

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Feb 24, 2004, 4:21:02 PM2/24/04
to
yes,i believe so and it is in the "Big Book"
of the 12 step program on page 442 i be-
lieve which i try to live by,though difficult.
"Acceptance is the answer to all my prob-
lems today--------". along with positiveness
of attitude. i need to accept my families
concerns as well as my own too,yet still for
me live my life. "grey area thinking" and not
"black and white thinking" God bless.
lance g. arnold.

http://community.webtv.net/biblical1/ladymychihuahuaandi

Ann

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Feb 27, 2004, 3:37:15 PM2/27/04
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i know what you mean by not having the support that you need. my son has progressive myoclonic epilepsy and we are considering VNS for him. i didn't even want my husband to tell his family that we were considering the surgery, because they to would expect that it would "cure" our son. we are being realistic, we know that there is only 1/3 of a chance that it is going to work, but we are willing to take the chance that it will work even a little bit. our son is 16 years old, though mentally he is about 2 years old, so we have to make the decisions that we think are in his best interests, my husband's family always tries to second guess our decisions, even though the know very little about his condition. i hope that your family will come around and be supportive for you. i am sure that you have already given them a lot of information about VNS, maybe you should tell them to re-read the information. (we have had to deal with their second guessing us for 20 years,ever since our oldest son was diagnosed with epilepsy)

Dave 忽帕

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Feb 27, 2004, 4:19:49 PM2/27/04
to
Howdy!

My folks are supportive in different ways:
my father treats me just like anybody else,
my mother is overprotective.

As far as my sisters are concerned, I'm pretty much an outcast.

BTW: I'm 50

--
Dave 忽帕
"Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"

http://www.howdydave.com


"CyberCafe" <pk...@badger.tds.net> wrote in message
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M

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Feb 28, 2004, 3:54:11 AM2/28/04
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My mother pretends it hasn't happened and has made no attempt to find
out anything about it.

As in most areas, her view is set in stone after 80 odd years and she
was taught that epileptics live in loony bins. Maybe she feels guilty
about having produced a child with epilepsy? So it is not a topic
available for conversation.

One brother asks occasionally but we meet maybe once a year.
Other brother ran away from home in 1973 and I haven't seen him since.


Not a close family! :)
My cat was very supportive until he died.

BTW: I am 46
--
Malcolm

turbinado

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Feb 28, 2004, 6:43:12 PM2/28/04
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My family is supportive, but they all live hundreds or thousands of miles
away and I don't see any of them more than once a year.
I'm 38.

"M" <webm...@need.to.remain.anon> wrote in message
news:3atFhxAz...@mtdomain.demon.co.uk...

Pablo

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Feb 29, 2004, 2:50:13 PM2/29/04
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G'day,
looks like you have started a bit of a census dave, for the record i'm 40.
i have found my parents to be not so much over protective but overly
concerned at times, which unnerves me because it means they are worrying
about it. my brothers treat me like normal but seem to pick up the warning
signs almost before i'm aware of anything.
pablo

"Dave 忽帕" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message
news:VvO%b.163$JI5...@news01.roc.ny...

Charlie S.

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Mar 1, 2004, 6:35:38 AM3/1/04
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Agreed. Since being diagnosed my parents (especially my mother) have become
much more worried and overprotective. If I just sit down, seemingly
exhausted (which happens) and lean my head back, she instantly ask if I'm
getting a seizure. She asks on the phone if I'm getting enough sleep and
enough to eat, etc.
At some level it's a bit annoying, since I only get nocturnal seizures and
at another level it's nice to know that /someone/ cares enough to worry (I
live alone, so there's no one to tell me if I've had a seizure during the
night).

- Charlie (who's 28/female)

"Pablo" <iancof...@bigpond.com.au> wrote in message
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Daz_n_Pat

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Mar 1, 2004, 8:57:36 AM3/1/04
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My family has always been supportive of me with my epilepsy. Never in my
life have I had any problems with any kind of discrimination or ridicule
because of it, although my family's way of showing someone they love them is
to make fun of them. In my case it's my epilepsy that they make fun of,
though it's in a loving way. (I have a strange family). Even as a child, I
was never ridiculed in school or given special treatment by the teachers.
I don't know if it's because of where I live (New Zealand) maybe it's better
accepted here than elsewhere, or whether it's because I've always been
bigger than my peers ;-) but no-one has given me any greif about my epilepsy
(to my face anyway).

Well okay census time, I'm 38 male, my wife is 27 female. Our cats are 3yrs
male and 3 months female. My favorite color is blue. I have blue eyes and
brown hair, I'm six foot three and my wife is five foot one. Umm, I have
hairy legs, though my wife doesn't. Usually.

Cheers.
Darryl.

--
To reply, change daryl to darryl in address.

"It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye"
Quote: My Mum


"Charlie S." <c.ski...@stofanet.dk> wrote in message
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Mary Fisher

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Mar 2, 2004, 6:00:44 PM3/2/04
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"M" <webm...@need.to.remain.anon> wrote in message
news:3atFhxAz...@mtdomain.demon.co.uk...
>
>> BTW: I am 46

Dammit!

Too young ...

Mary
> --
> Malcolm
>


Mary Fisher

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Mar 2, 2004, 6:04:45 PM3/2/04
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"Daz_n_Pat" <daryl...@paradise.net.nz> wrote in message
news:kjH0c.29831$ws.32...@news02.tsnz.net...

>
> Well okay census time, I'm 38 male, my wife is 27 female. Our cats are
3yrs
> male and 3 months female. My favorite color is blue. I have blue eyes and
> brown hair, I'm six foot three and my wife is five foot one. Umm, I have
> hairy legs, though my wife doesn't. Usually.

I'm 64, Spouse is younger. My hens are one year (Zen) and two years (Fang).
My bees have died. Apart from being old I'm fat, opinionated and arrogant.
It took us eight hours to drive home from Wales tonight and I'm exhausted.
So are the hens.

Goodnight, nice to be back :-)

Mary

Dave 忽帕

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Mar 3, 2004, 12:40:45 AM3/3/04
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Howdy Mary!

This doesn't mean that hubby's going to throw the chickens at me if I make a
pass, does it?

--
Dave 忽帕
"Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"

http://www.howdydave.com


"Mary Fisher" <mary....@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4045130d$0$8567$4c56...@master.news.zetnet.net...

Mary Fisher

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Mar 3, 2004, 4:05:16 AM3/3/04
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"Dave 忽帕" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message
news:xde1c.1118$Uo1...@news02.roc.ny...

> Howdy Mary!
>
> This doesn't mean that hubby's going to throw the chickens at me if I make
a
> pass, does it?

You're using that word again ...

No-one would dare to throw my hens anywhere and no-one's made a pass for -
ooh, must be easily the best part of some time, could be more. I'll send you
a picture then you'll understand why.

Except Spouse of course :-)

Mary

CyberCafe

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Mar 3, 2004, 1:36:41 AM3/3/04
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Mary Fisher wrote:

Since we're all admitting our ages, I'm 56. Hubby is three years older than me,
and my children are in their thirties. No grandkids yet.

Barb


Mary Fisher

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Mar 3, 2004, 10:51:47 AM3/3/04
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"CyberCafe" <pk...@badger.tds.net> wrote in message
news:40457CF9...@badger.tds.net...

>
> Since we're all admitting our ages, I'm 56. Hubby is three years older
than me,
> and my children are in their thirties. No grandkids yet.

A friend wrote at Christmas to say that he was now a great grandfather. I
was surprised - until I remembered that he's 70 and his daughter had her
baby at 15.

Then I worked out that our oldest (of eight) grandchildren, at 18, could be
parents soon and so we'd be great grandparents. And my mother, at 91, would
be a great great grandma.

Cor!

Mary
>
> Barb
>
>


M

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Mar 3, 2004, 1:37:06 PM3/3/04
to
Mary Fisher <mary....@zetnet.co.uk> wrote

That's called "Heading them off at the pass." :(
--
Malcolm

Pablo

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Mar 3, 2004, 2:58:03 PM3/3/04
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"Daz_n_Pat" <daryl...@paradise.net.nz> wrote in message
news:kjH0c.29831$ws.32...@news02.tsnz.net...
> My family has always been supportive of me with my epilepsy. Never in my
> life have I had any problems with any kind of discrimination or ridicule
> because of it, although my family's way of showing someone they love them
is
> to make fun of them. In my case it's my epilepsy that they make fun of,
> though it's in a loving way. (I have a strange family). Even as a child, I
> was never ridiculed in school or given special treatment by the teachers.
> I don't know if it's because of where I live (New Zealand) maybe it's
better
> accepted here than elsewhere, or whether it's because I've always been
> bigger than my peers ;-) but no-one has given me any greif about my
epilepsy
> (to my face anyway).
>
i can't remember being ridiculed at school ever though i never really had a
seizure in oublic at that stage. only once in my adult did anyone say
anything partiicularly derogatory about my condition, and before i could
reply one of my freinds who happened to be their smacked him one under the
lug.
pablo


Mary Fisher

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Mar 3, 2004, 4:44:58 PM3/3/04
to

"Pablo" <iancof...@bigpond.com.au> wrote in message
news:fNq1c.85455$Wa.4...@news-server.bigpond.net.au...

>
> "Daz_n_Pat" <daryl...@paradise.net.nz> wrote in message
> news:kjH0c.29831$ws.32...@news02.tsnz.net...

> >


> i can't remember being ridiculed at school ever though i never really had
a
> seizure in oublic at that stage. only once in my adult did anyone say
> anything partiicularly derogatory about my condition, and before i could
> reply one of my freinds who happened to be their smacked him one under the
> lug.

LOL! Love it!

Mary
> pablo
>
>


Dave 忽帕

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Mar 3, 2004, 6:31:00 PM3/3/04
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Howdy Mary!

I've already seen your picture! What does that have to do with anything?

--
Dave 忽帕
"Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"

http://www.howdydave.com


"Mary Fisher" <mary....@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message

news:40459fcb$0$8567$4c56...@master.news.zetnet.net...

Dave 忽帕

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Mar 3, 2004, 6:38:26 PM3/3/04
to
Besides... The lights will be off anyway! (Won't they?) :)

--
Dave ┛┈
"Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"

http://www.howdydave.com


"Dave ┛┈" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message
news:UUt1c.62$3j4...@news02.roc.ny...


> Howdy Mary!
>
> I've already seen your picture! What does that have to do with anything?
>
> --

> Dave ┛┈


> "Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"
>
> http://www.howdydave.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Mary Fisher" <mary....@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:40459fcb$0$8567$4c56...@master.news.zetnet.net...
> >

> > "Dave ┛┈" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message


> > news:xde1c.1118$Uo1...@news02.roc.ny...
> > > Howdy Mary!
> > >
> > > This doesn't mean that hubby's going to throw the chickens at me if I
> make
> > a
> > > pass, does it?
> >
> > You're using that word again ...
> >
> > No-one would dare to throw my hens anywhere and no-one's made a pass
for -
> > ooh, must be easily the best part of some time, could be more. I'll send
> you
> > a picture then you'll understand why.
> >
> > Except Spouse of course :-)
> >
> > Mary
> > >
> > > --

> > > Dave ┛┈

Mary Fisher

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Mar 4, 2004, 5:28:41 AM3/4/04
to

"Dave ©¿©¬" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message
news:UUt1c.62$3j4...@news02.roc.ny...

> Howdy Mary!
>
> I've already seen your picture!

Have you?

> What does that have to do with anything?

If its genuine it shows that I'm not the type to be made a pass at - sorry
for the grammar.

Mary
>
> --
> Dave ©¿©¬


> "Noli illigitemi carborundum decendus"
>
> http://www.howdydave.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Mary Fisher" <mary....@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:40459fcb$0$8567$4c56...@master.news.zetnet.net...
> >

> > "Dave ©¿©¬" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message


> > news:xde1c.1118$Uo1...@news02.roc.ny...
> > > Howdy Mary!
> > >
> > > This doesn't mean that hubby's going to throw the chickens at me if I
> make
> > a
> > > pass, does it?
> >
> > You're using that word again ...
> >
> > No-one would dare to throw my hens anywhere and no-one's made a pass
for -
> > ooh, must be easily the best part of some time, could be more. I'll send
> you
> > a picture then you'll understand why.
> >
> > Except Spouse of course :-)
> >
> > Mary
> > >
> > > --

> > > Dave ©¿©¬

Mary Fisher

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Mar 4, 2004, 5:29:02 AM3/4/04
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"Dave ©¿©¬" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message
news:S%t1c.68$Wr4...@news02.roc.ny...

> Besides... The lights will be off anyway! (Won't they?) :)

Kinky!

Dave 忽帕

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Mar 4, 2004, 2:25:57 PM3/4/04
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Howdy Mary!

Well... I THINK I've seen your picture!

Don't you have a website? I thought that I'd seen your website, maybe it was
somebody elses.

--
Dave 忽帕

Mary Fisher

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Mar 4, 2004, 5:05:19 PM3/4/04
to

"Dave 忽帕" <dave@_nospam_howdydave.com> wrote in message
news:9pL1c.4583$Mc4...@news01.roc.ny...

> Howdy Mary!
>
> Well... I THINK I've seen your picture!
>
> Don't you have a website? I thought that I'd seen your website, maybe it
was
> somebody elses.

We have a website but there are no pics on it.

I'll send you one.

Mary :-)

Dawn Compton

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Mar 6, 2004, 12:38:57 AM3/6/04
to
I also want to add that you all have been the best support I have found.
I feel like no one else really knows, except for the ones who have them.
I just want to thank you all yet again and hope you all will stick by me
(at least online, lol) through this time in my life.

Dawn Compton

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Mar 6, 2004, 12:31:35 AM3/6/04
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Dawn Compton

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Mar 6, 2004, 12:51:28 AM3/6/04
to
Daz_n_Pat wrote:

>Never in my life have I had any problems with
>any kind of discrimination or ridicule because
>of it

I have only been having my grand mal seizures since September and
the "absence seizures for over a year, and I have already been
discriminated against. It occurs everyday.
I see it mostly at school. Some believe it is "crazy" made-up
disorder and the others who know what it is usually choose not to hang
around me too much. I guess they figure they will either "catch"
ssizures or be made-fun of for having a friend like me. I have lost a
lot of buddies this year. I might have five people there who are still
friends with me and are supportive.
I do also see some discrimination (mostly being treated different,
not hatefully) in my family too. Here, some treat me like this fragile
piece of glass that could break at any moment and others see it as a
weird disorder in which I asked for and even others have stopped talking
to me.
I hate all the "weird-ness" and "hate-ful-ness" people treat me
with any more. You must be lucky, daz_n_pat to have such supportive
people around you.

Mary Fisher

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Mar 6, 2004, 3:57:22 AM3/6/04
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"Dawn Compton" <DComp...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:17653-404...@storefull-3231.bay.webtv.net...

> Daz_n_Pat wrote:
>
> >Never in my life have I had any problems with
> >any kind of discrimination or ridicule because
> >of it
>
> I have only been having my grand mal seizures since September and
> the "absence seizures for over a year, and I have already been
> discriminated against. It occurs everyday.
> I see it mostly at school. Some believe it is "crazy" made-up
> disorder and the others who know what it is usually choose not to hang
> around me too much. I guess they figure they will either "catch"
> ssizures or be made-fun of for having a friend like me. I have lost a
> lot of buddies this year.

They're not good buddies if they treat you badly, you're better off without
them. Sounds hard, I know, but you really do get to know who your friends
are when adversity hits.

> I might have five people there who are still
> friends with me and are supportive.

Dawn, a wise woman once told me that if you can count of five absolutely
true friends who will stick to you through thick and thin you are
exceptionally lucky. I scoffed.

I've learned that she was right.

> I do also see some discrimination (mostly being treated different,
> not hatefully) in my family too. Here, some treat me like this fragile
> piece of glass that could break at any moment

That's because they do care and want to protect you. It might be through
ignorance but it's a Good Thing, not a bad.

> and others see it as a
> weird disorder

Well it is! :-)

> in which I asked for and even others have stopped talking
> to me.

They can't cope, be sorry for them. I learned to do that when I was
diagnosed with cancer and my mother and two sons couldn't face me - because
they couldn't handle the situation. It passed. They're all now more
supportive than before!

> I hate all the "weird-ness" and "hate-ful-ness" people treat me
> with any more. You must be lucky, daz_n_pat to have such supportive
> people around you.

No, there is discrimination all round everyone, whatever their 'differences'
from 'normality'. some of us just don't recognise it, some dismiss it, some
understand it, to some it's unimportant.

It's largely up to you (sounds hard that but it's true) to learn to find the
best in people and not to be concerned by anything else. Life is not a bed
of roses for anyone, if you think that even without this condition you can
sail through life with everything being good you've got some hard times
coming. This is the first for you and it can be a great learning
experience - if you let it be.

Dawn, I know that because compared with you I'm old and have lived a very -
er - interesting life :-)

And I don't think I'd change any of it.

Hugs,

Mary
>


David Ruether

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Mar 6, 2004, 8:32:36 AM3/6/04
to
"Dawn Compton" <DComp...@webtv.net> wrote in message
 
My family or my friends aren't that supportive of my struggle to try to
grasp control on my seizures.  They think I over-exaggerate it, like not
driving since the doctor said no or trying to stay away from majorly
stressful situations.  They think I am still "normal" and can do
everything I used to do.  Example- about a month ago, a friend and I got
in a fight.  I told her that I was not going to keep the fight up and
stress my self out since it would only hurt me.  She basically told me
that stress would not bother me and that I just wanted to be felt sorry
for.  That hurt my feelings since we had been friends awhile.
 
--Adjustments are difficult for both you and those
around you - and many will not want to "believe"
your difficulties are real. I understand, now, the
problems people can have with conditions that are
not obvious much of the time, or which do not have
easily/quickly-found test indications/proof that
they are real (like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and
the series of odd daily episodes I've experienced
in the last five months ;-). It takes strength to
be both open to all the possibilities, and also to
hold onto what you know is right for you. It looks
like you are doing this remarkably well, given your
relatively short experience with these life-changing
events. Sometimes it takes longer for others who
care about you to also understand your changed
condition, and what you need...
--

Dawn Compton

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Mar 7, 2004, 12:05:22 AM3/7/04
to
Mary wrote:

>They're not good buddies if they treat you
>badly, you're better off without them. Sounds
>hard, I know, but you really do get to know
>who your friends are when adversity hits.

I realize that they were not true friends, considering. It is just hard
to go from thinking you have a lot of friends to having just a few. I
have never had a "lot" friends, but it has been a long while since I
have had this few.

>Dawn, a wise woman once told me that if you
>can count of five absolutely true friends who
>will stick to you through thick and thin you are
>exceptionally lucky. I scoffed.
>I've learned that she was right.

I was just guessing last night at five. I think I have two friends that
I can truly talk to and one more than the other. I think sometimes they
get tired of having to be the ones picked by me to lean on. They never
say anything, but I can just sense it.

>That's because they do care and want to
>protect you. It might be through ignorance but
>it's a Good Thing, not a bad.

It is not always good. By my parents, my mom treats me like I am about
three years old sometimes and sometimes thinks that I asked to get my
condition; my dad mostly thinks the second part. I know precautions
have to be taken, but some of my mom's get silly.

>They can't cope, be sorry for them. I learned
>to do that when I was diagnosed with cancer
>and my mother and two sons couldn't face me
>- because they couldn't handle the situation. It
>passed. They're all now more supportive than
>before!

I am sorry you have cancer; how bad is it? The way some of my family
treats me is like I must be a loony tune to have this disease and they
want nothing more to do with me. I am basically one of my family's
outcasts by some of my family that I thought truly loved me. They must
have been good actors.

>This is the first for you and it can be a great
>learning experience - if you let it be. Dawn, I
>know that because compared with you I'm old
>and have lived a very - er - interesting life :-)

This is definitely not the first hardship I have been through, Mary.
You do not want to know all the details of my family and my life unless
you are willing to see a psychiatrist afterwards, and I am not joking
one bit. This has just been a harder one to grasp, considering there is
little I can do about it and it could stay with me long term (and not be
able to forget about it for awhile). I doubt your life has been any
worse than mine or some of my family's. Some of my messed up family
story goes back more than fifty years and some of the consequences have
only been showing up here lately. Most of everything (up to a year ago
til now when I found out most of it) I have known has been a lie. It is
a lot to deal with and sort through your mind.

Dawn Compton

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Mar 7, 2004, 12:11:07 AM3/7/04
to
David wrote:

>many will not want to "believe" your
>difficulties are real.

I understand this all to well.

>It looks like you are doing this remarkably well,
>given your relatively short experience with
>these life-changing events.

Believe me when I say this, this is not the first thing I have had to
deal with. It is that this one is just too personal in a way. I come
from a very messed up family with enough twisted stories to supply the
Jerry Springer Show for a few years.

Mary Fisher

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Mar 7, 2004, 4:31:24 AM3/7/04
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"Dawn Compton" <DComp...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:2964-404...@storefull-3236.bay.webtv.net...

> Mary wrote:
>
> >They're not good buddies if they treat you
> >badly, you're better off without them. Sounds
> >hard, I know, but you really do get to know
> >who your friends are when adversity hits.
>
> I realize that they were not true friends, considering. It is just hard
> to go from thinking you have a lot of friends to having just a few. I
> have never had a "lot" friends, but it has been a long while since I
> have had this few.

It's one of the steps in Life's journey. You're fortunate to have learned it
while you're young and can bounce back more easily, I promise you that it's
more devastating when you're older.


>
> >Dawn, a wise woman once told me that if you
> >can count of five absolutely true friends who
> >will stick to you through thick and thin you are
> >exceptionally lucky. I scoffed.
> >I've learned that she was right.
>
> I was just guessing last night at five. I think I have two friends that
> I can truly talk to and one more than the other. I think sometimes they
> get tired of having to be the ones picked by me to lean on. They never
> say anything, but I can just sense it.

You are fortunate. Look after them - be their friends too, even if you get
tired of being leaned on by them. It might happen, you never know.

You're even more fortunate because you're admitting that you THINK you have
two friends ... :-) You're learning. And I'm not patronising you.


>
> >That's because they do care and want to
> >protect you. It might be through ignorance but
> >it's a Good Thing, not a bad.
>
> It is not always good. By my parents, my mom treats me like I am about
> three years old sometimes and sometimes thinks that I asked to get my
> condition; my dad mostly thinks the second part. I know precautions
> have to be taken, but some of my mom's get silly.

You might well be protective of your children, in fact I'm sure you will be.
And I know that your children will think that you're over protective and
even silly and resent it ... it's a fact of good parenthood. As for your mom
treating you like a three year old, so does mine! My mother is 91 and I'm 65
and I still feel like a naughty little girl. Until recently I didn't like
opening letters from her because I knew she'd be telling me off about
something I'd done which she thought was wrong. But that's mothers - I know
that our 'children' (44, 42, 41, 38, 36) think the same about me. They joke
about it, they're lucky in that I accept their jokes, I could never joke
with my mother ab out our relationship. You probably can't either but it's a
great lerning experience and could make you a better mother :-)

Our eight grandchildren joke about us too but still respect us. And I think
they genuinely love Grandpa and Grandma too, they say they do, they behave
as though they do even though we're always telling them off.


>
> >They can't cope, be sorry for them. I learned
> >to do that when I was diagnosed with cancer
> >and my mother and two sons couldn't face me
> >- because they couldn't handle the situation. It
> >passed. They're all now more supportive than
> >before!
>
> I am sorry you have cancer; how bad is it?

That's irrelevant. I'm still here and loving life. The apparent (although
temporary) loss of support of my mother and sons was by far and away the
worst part of the experience. Their subsequent strengthened love has been
the best.

> The way some of my family
> treats me is like I must be a loony tune to have this disease and they
> want nothing more to do with me. I am basically one of my family's
> outcasts by some of my family that I thought truly loved me. They must
> have been good actors.

No, they love you, they simply don't understand. Ask yourself whether you've
ever thought that someone was a 'loony tune' - be honest. Don't answer here,
just to youself. And then ask yourself why? Perhaps it was because you
didn't understand their condition - or their anguish.

As for being an outcast - I've been that for all my life albeit for
different reasons. It can be fun - who wants to be like everyone else!


>
> >This is the first for you and it can be a great
> >learning experience - if you let it be. Dawn, I
> >know that because compared with you I'm old
> >and have lived a very - er - interesting life :-)
>
> This is definitely not the first hardship I have been through, Mary.
> You do not want to know all the details of my family and my life unless
> you are willing to see a psychiatrist afterwards, and I am not joking
> one bit. This has just been a harder one to grasp, considering there is
> little I can do about it and it could stay with me long term (and not be
> able to forget about it for awhile).

If this is the worst thing you have to live with you'll be lucky.

> I doubt your life has been any
> worse than mine or some of my family's.

I didn't say it was, I reckon I've had a wonderful life despite hardships
and grief - and it gets better all the time. No, seriously, despite failing
mental and physical abilities, the riches of life still outweigh the
paucities. Difficulties overcome lead to strengths, not weakness.

> Some of my messed up family
> story goes back more than fifty years and some of the consequences have
> only been showing up here lately. Most of everything (up to a year ago
> til now when I found out most of it) I have known has been a lie. It is
> a lot to deal with and sort through your mind.

Indeed. But you're not unique, I've come to accept that there are skeletons
in everyone's cupboard. They're covered up - lied about - for various
reasons. I bet you're not always as open about your actions and feelings as
you could be.

That's the main reason I've been one of society's outcasts - and certainly
the black sheep of my family and the one I married into: because I tell the
truth, because I don't hold back. I describe myself as old, fat, opinionated
and arrogant. It gets me into all sorts of trouble because the truth is
often unacceptable and people prefer to cover it up for an easy life - they
mostly say it's so that it doesn't hurt others or that they don't want to
rock the boat. Covering up means lying even if only by omission.

But my head is still fixed to my shoulders even though it's been on the
block very many times :-)

We are the authors of our own destiny, you must choose how to live your life
within your particular circumstances and then stick to what you've chosen -
until you realise that there might be a better way.

I know that at the moment you probably think that you know everything and
that no-one else understands or even cares. None of those things is true,
but make the most of it while you can. The older you get the less you'll
know.

And make the most of this ng.

Mary


David Ruether

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Mar 7, 2004, 2:23:44 PM3/7/04
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"Dawn Compton" <DComp...@webtv.net> wrote in message

news:2964-404...@storefull-3236.bay.webtv.net...
> Mary wrote:

[...]


> I was just guessing last night at five. I think I have two friends that
> I can truly talk to and one more than the other. I think sometimes they
> get tired of having to be the ones picked by me to lean on. They never
> say anything, but I can just sense it.

Sometimes it helps to "blab" about this stuff until
you almost drive all friends/acquaintances/strangers
away - but it can't always be helped. I found a local
counseling service with a good person there four days
a week to "yak at" - she has been great! There may be
something like it near you (Suicide Prevention, an
"Independence Center" [for disabled people], or
somesuch). Try calling social-services or something
like that - they may be able to guide you to people
who can just listen when you need to "blast off". ;-)

[...]

turbinado

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Mar 7, 2004, 8:02:22 PM3/7/04
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Dear Mary: I just want to let you know that I admire your attitude and the
advice you have given to Dawn. Keep it up - the world needs people like you.
Dawn, listen to her! She knows what she's talking about!
Hilary

"Mary Fisher" <mary....@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message

news:404aebe2$0$8564$4c56...@master.news.zetnet.net...


>
> "Dawn Compton" <DComp...@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:2964-404...@storefull-3236.bay.webtv.net...

> > I realize that they were not true friends, considering. It is just hard
> > to go from thinking you have a lot of friends to having just a few. I
> > have never had a "lot" friends, but it has been a long while since I
> > have had this few.
>
> It's one of the steps in Life's journey. You're fortunate to have learned
it
> while you're young and can bounce back more easily, I promise you that
it's
> more devastating when you're older.
> >
> >

> > I was just guessing last night at five. I think I have two friends that
> > I can truly talk to and one more than the other. I think sometimes they
> > get tired of having to be the ones picked by me to lean on. They never
> > say anything, but I can just sense it.
>
> You are fortunate. Look after them - be their friends too, even if you get
> tired of being leaned on by them. It might happen, you never know.
>
> You're even more fortunate because you're admitting that you THINK you
have
> two friends ... :-) You're learning. And I'm not patronising you.
> >
> >

Dawn Compton

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Mar 14, 2004, 2:09:59 PM3/14/04
to
Mary wrote:

>You are fortunate. Look after them - be their
>friends too, even if you get tired of being
>leaned on by them. It might happen, you never
>know.

That is the crazy thing. They never seem to need me to help them out.
That is why I usually try not to burden them with my problems. I don't
feel that it is fair.

>I could never joke with my mother ab out our
>relationship. You probably can't either

Like I said in my last post, I am sometimes treated like a three year
old, but other times my parents get it in their mind that I must have
asked to get this disorder, like I wanted it. In some ways, my mom is
truly ashamed she has daughter that basically does have epilepsy. I
can just see it in the way she acts and she has even admitted it a few
times. This hurts the worst, to have people be ashamed of you for
something you can not do anything about.

>If this is the worst thing you have to live with
>you'll be lucky.

This has not been the worst thing that has ever happened to me (by
far!!!!!!!! you don't want to know. if you truly want to, then e-mail
me and i will tell), but I can do the least about this one.

>And make the most of this ng.

I have been.

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