A Woman On Why Women Cheat
rt4562
Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
They push men for commitment
They get what they want
They lose interest in sex
They become attracted to someone else
They start cheating
They become angry and resentful
They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making
their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an
indefinite, but usually, a long period of time…they end their
relationships or marriages.
If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never
suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s
or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex, but also because you have
the naive belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.”
Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and
girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends'
infidelities.
If you’re a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your
partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would
ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have
cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior, but at the same
time you can't stop cheating.
Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same
pattern unless (a) males develop an accurate understanding of females ─
particularly in regard to their sexuality and (cool.gif females develop
an accurate understanding of themselves ─ particularly in regard to
their sexuality.
After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can
honestly say that most of our societal beliefs about females are grossly
distorted and many are completely erroneous.
In the last year, the media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to
a small degree, the widespread problem of female infidelity. Recently,
several books and articles have attempted to explain why women are now
cheating as much as men. However, none were successful in their attempt.
All of them left out very important pieces to this extremely complicated
puzzle. I believe the majority were simply unable to find all of the
information necessary to figure out the problem. Although, I'm certain
that some were just afraid to disclose certain key pieces of information
because the truth, quite frankly, is so contrary to our current beliefs.
Unfortunately, without these missing pieces, it's impossible to
understand, and to subsequently fix, the real problem occurring in
relationships today.
My story:
Shortly after my 27th birthday, I began to feel very different. I had
been happily married for 4 years and then suddenly, out of nowhere, I
began feeling bored and unhappy. In an attempt to figure out what was
causing my unhappiness, I looked for answers in books, tried to talk my
Mother and eventually went to see a psychologist. All of the information
I received attributed the way I was feeling to my husband and similar to
the majority of women, I began to view my husband as the culprit, too.
Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces
Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was
experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to
divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years
of marriage due to biological and psychological changes which occur at
or around this age.
The "stages" that women often experience during the course of their
long-term relationships
Several years into my research, I was able to identify distinctive
patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these
into four separate “stages” that women often experience during the
course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of
sexual desire.
Stage1
At this stage, the women I interviewed said that they felt as though
something was missing in their lives. They had all the things that they
wanted—a home, a family, a great husband—but felt they should be
happier. Over time, many of the women noticed a distinct loss of sexual
desire; they reported that they were no longer interested in sex. They
spent a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their
husbands for fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently
complained of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often tried to
avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They viewed sex
as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store.
Some of the women claimed that when their husbands touched them, they
felt violated; they said their bodies would freeze up and they would
feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach.
The majority of the women in Stage 1 felt there was something wrong with
them, that they were in some way defective. They were also fearful that
their disinterest in sex would cause their husbands to cheat, or worse
yet, leave them.
Stage 2
Women at Stage 2 experienced reawakened desire stimulated by encounters
outside the marital relationship. Whether the new relationships involved
sex or remained platonic, they were emotionally significant to these women.
Many of the women had felt no sexual desire for a long time. Many
experienced tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new
relationships were sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most experienced
what could be termed an identity crisis—even those who tried to put the
experience behind them. Constant reminders were everywhere. They felt
guilt when the topic of infidelity arose, whether in the media, in
conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands.
They could no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without
feeling like hypocrites. They felt as though they had lost a part of
themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good” or
“bad,” these women questioned their “good girl” status and felt that
they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many tried to overcome
feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of
their husbands. However, over time the predominant reaction of a number
of the women moved from appreciation to justification. In order to
justify their continued desire for other men, they began to attribute
those desires to needs that were not being met in the marriage, or to
their husband’s past behavior. Many became negative and sarcastic when
speaking of their husbands and their marriages. In many cases, an
extramarital affair soon followed.
Stage 3
Women at Stage 3 were involved in affairs, ending affairs, or
contemplating divorce. The women who were having affairs said that their
feelings were unlike anything they’d experienced before. They felt
“alive” again and many believed that they had found their soul mates.
These women were experiencing feelings associated with a chemically
altered state, or what we typically refer to as being in love.
These women also talked of being in tremendous pain, the pain of
choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They
believed that what they were doing was wrong and unfair to their
husbands, but were unable to end their affairs. Many tried several
times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they would vow that this
would be the last time, but were unable to stick with their decisions.
Unable to end their extramarital relationships, the women concluded that
their lovers were soul mates. Unaware that they had become addicted to
the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a
relationship, they were unable to choose. Many lived in a state of limbo
for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?” was the
question continuously on their minds. Some of the women attempted to
initiate separations. In most cases, their husbands launched futile
attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending
more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of these
women’s past and present complaints, the last thing they wanted was to
spend more time with their husbands. Many women successfully gained
separations.
The reason many gave for separating was a “search for self.” They
convinced their husbands that they might be able to save the marriage if
they could just have time to themselves. They continued to tell their
husbands that time apart was the only hope of improving the current
situation. Several of these women said they wanted to free themselves of
the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most
thought that eventually their confusion would disappear and they would
know with certainty that they either wanted to stay married or get
divorced in order to be with their lovers. By separating, these women
were able to enjoy the high experienced with their new partners without
letting go of the security of their marriages. The husbands were still
unaware that their wives were having affairs. Their lack of suspicion
was due in part to their wife’s disinterest in sex and their belief that
she was a “good girl.”
Several women at this stage were ending an extramarital affair. In most
cases, it was not their decision. The majority were involved with single
men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress
or were attracted to other women who were, in most cases, single. The
women whose affairs were ending experienced extreme grief, became deeply
depressed and expressed tremendous anger toward their husbands. Unaware
that they were experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in
brain chemistry, many felt that they had missed their chance at
happiness due to their own indecisiveness.
However, these women did not return to their husbands, at least not
emotionally. Believing they had become more aware of what they wanted
and needed from a mate, many placed the utmost importance on finding a
relationship that gave them the feeling they experienced in their
affairs. To these women a new relationship with a new partner
represented a clean slate, a chance to regain their “good girl” status.
Some searched for new partners during their separations. Others returned
to their marriages, but still continued to search. Some women resumed
sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard
the marriage until they made a decision. Although most were not sexually
attracted to their husbands, desire was temporarily rekindled when they
suspected their husbands were unfaithful, were contemplating infidelity,
or when their husbands showed signs of moving on.
Stage 4
The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and
continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women
who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by
maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a
soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and
did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings
were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with
their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having
affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue
indefinitely without disrupting either partner’s primary relationship.
The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new
relationship typically expressed relief at having finally made a
decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women
who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed
somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past
experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for
having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves
experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship.
Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common, but it
will also continue to be on the rise. In fact, today, many men are
unknowingly playing a game of Russian roulette in their relationships
with women."
--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com
no one that you know
mL_
>Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
blablablahhh... what a dumb post.
some people cheat, some don't. men OR women.
hemil...@yahoo.com
regards
<a href=www.gamestotal.com>free</a>
<a href=http://www.geocities.com/fiercy02>free</a>
<a href=http://www.anzwers.org/free/wars/>online</a>
NewMan
divorce that I suspected that she may have been having an affair. As
is common, there were many indications that she may have been - none
of which I paid ANY attention to while we were together.
I DO know, from hard evidence found while cleaning up the marital
residence after it was sold, that she started screwing around almost
immediately after the separation. As such, her assertion to the courts
that she was "depressed" was more than likely a smoke-screen to the
courts used to evoke sympathy and/or pitty of the judge in order to
sawy him or her to deride me in favour of my ex. This is the kind of
shit she pulled all the time and was good at, and the courts fell for
it almost every time.
And I DO know that towards the end of the marriage she was "cybering".
Knowing the addictive and manipulative patterns of my ex, if she was
not having an affair, then it was only a matter of time before she
would have been.
Be that as it may, the point is quite mute. The courts treated me like
some kind of second class citizen, like a common criminal. I suspect
that had she been having an affair it would not have made one bit of
difference. I still would have been treated badly by the courts, and
she still would have gotten "spousal support". As a man, I had my
wallet raped, I was barred from my own house, was forced to use my
entire life savings to "defend" myself in court while she pleaded
poverty and got a free legal aid lawyer, and in the end I was
effectively punished for being a man with a regular job. It was small
work for the government to wage war on my finances with the courts
blessing. I had no choice but to pay or face possible jail time -
whether I had enough money to feed myself or put a roof over my head
was of no consequence to the robed banditos who handed down my
sentence with impunity for themselves and contempt for me.
What goes around comes around. Perhaps one day one fo the wives of
theses men will have an affair and divorce THEM. Then, perhaps, THEY
can feel the brunt of the system as it comes down on them. Perhaps
once they have been judged as they judge others, then they will
understand - albeit too late - the injustice that they have foisted on
their fellow man. One can only hope.
On Wed, 30 Aug 2006 03:24:17 GMT, no one that you know
<noone...@shaw.ca> wrote:
>WTF is this crap?
>
>rt4562 wrote:
>>
>> Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
>>
>> Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
>>
>> They push men for commitment
>>
>> They get what they want
>>
>> They lose interest in sex
>>
>> They become attracted to someone else
>>
>> They start cheating
>>
>> They become angry and resentful
>>
>> They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
>>
>> They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making
>> their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an
>> indefinite, but usually, a long period of time…they end their
>> relationships or marriages.
>>
>> If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never
>> suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife’s
>> or girlfriend’s seeming disinterest in sex, but also because you have
>> the naive belief that your wife or girlfriend is a “good girl.�€?
>> into four separate “stages�€? that women often experience during the
>> themselves. Reflecting society’s belief that women are either “good�€? or
>> “bad,�€? these women questioned their “good girl�€? status and felt that
>> they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many tried to overcome
>> feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of
>> their husbands. However, over time the predominant reaction of a number
>> of the women moved from appreciation to justification. In order to
>> justify their continued desire for other men, they began to attribute
>> those desires to needs that were not being met in the marriage, or to
>> their husband’s past behavior. Many became negative and sarcastic when
>> speaking of their husbands and their marriages. In many cases, an
>> extramarital affair soon followed.
>>
>> Stage 3
>>
>> Women at Stage 3 were involved in affairs, ending affairs, or
>> contemplating divorce. The women who were having affairs said that their
>> feelings were unlike anything they’d experienced before. They felt
>> “alive�€? again and many believed that they had found their soul mates.
>> These women were experiencing feelings associated with a chemically
>> altered state, or what we typically refer to as being in love.
>>
>> These women also talked of being in tremendous pain, the pain of
>> choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They
>> believed that what they were doing was wrong and unfair to their
>> husbands, but were unable to end their affairs. Many tried several
>> times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they would vow that this
>> would be the last time, but were unable to stick with their decisions.
>>
>> Unable to end their extramarital relationships, the women concluded that
>> their lovers were soul mates. Unaware that they had become addicted to
>> the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a
>> relationship, they were unable to choose. Many lived in a state of limbo
>> for years. “Should I stay married or should I get a divorce?�€? was the
>> question continuously on their minds. Some of the women attempted to
>> initiate separations. In most cases, their husbands launched futile
>> attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending
>> more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of these
>> women’s past and present complaints, the last thing they wanted was to
>> spend more time with their husbands. Many women successfully gained
>> separations.
>>
>> The reason many gave for separating was a “search for self.�€? They
>> convinced their husbands that they might be able to save the marriage if
>> they could just have time to themselves. They continued to tell their
>> husbands that time apart was the only hope of improving the current
>> situation. Several of these women said they wanted to free themselves of
>> the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most
>> thought that eventually their confusion would disappear and they would
>> know with certainty that they either wanted to stay married or get
>> divorced in order to be with their lovers. By separating, these women
>> were able to enjoy the high experienced with their new partners without
>> letting go of the security of their marriages. The husbands were still
>> unaware that their wives were having affairs. Their lack of suspicion
>> was due in part to their wife’s disinterest in sex and their belief that
>> she was a “good girl.�€?
>>
>> Several women at this stage were ending an extramarital affair. In most
>> cases, it was not their decision. The majority were involved with single
>> men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress
>> or were attracted to other women who were, in most cases, single. The
>> women whose affairs were ending experienced extreme grief, became deeply
>> depressed and expressed tremendous anger toward their husbands. Unaware
>> that they were experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in
>> brain chemistry, many felt that they had missed their chance at
>> happiness due to their own indecisiveness.
>>
>> However, these women did not return to their husbands, at least not
>> emotionally. Believing they had become more aware of what they wanted
>> and needed from a mate, many placed the utmost importance on finding a
>> relationship that gave them the feeling they experienced in their
>> affairs. To these women a new relationship with a new partner
>> represented a clean slate, a chance to regain their “good girl�€? status.
Xenos666.7
> Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
>
> Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
>
> They push men for commitment
>
> They get what they want
>
> They lose interest in sex
>
> They become attracted to someone else
>
> They start cheating
>
> They become angry and resentful
>
> They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
>
> They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making
> their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an
> indefinite, but usually, a long period of time…they end their
> relationships or marriages.
>
< snip >
When the bitching starts and it goes on and on, well that's the sign
that man must be moving on.
If you give in to often you will loose her respect but also if your
tired of fighting for no reason at all then there is only one option
left: Leave her before she leaves you ( it can take years but it will
happen ).
Some women can control their chemistry others are controlled by their
chemistry.
A man must do what a man has to do.
The above goes for women too if they are with a man who cant exercise
self restrain.
pints
every mans?
Ok so hands up ive been cheated on and cheated myself. Ive been
married for 13 years about 3 years ago i found out my hubby was
cheating on me, although he wouldnt admit it Im not stupid. Anyway
more about my cheating, I just met a guy through work and we flirted
and yes we had an affair which has only just ended. I would not try to
justify my cheating but what i will say is i have a hubby who goes
straight down the pub after work, comes home with even more beers and
will sit playing on his playstation, I will not make love to someone
who is half drunk all the time and i have needs too, ive talked to him
until im blue in the face about his drinking but he wont admit to
having a problem.
Xenos666.7 wrote:
> rt4562 wrote:
>
> > Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
> >
> > Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
> >
> > They push men for commitment
> >
> > They get what they want
> >
> > They lose interest in sex
> >
> > They become attracted to someone else
> >
> > They start cheating
> >
> > They become angry and resentful
> >
> > They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
> >
> > They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making
> > their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an
> > indefinite, but usually, a long period of time...they end their
Mark W. Oots
"no one that you know" <noone...@shaw.ca> wrote in message
news:44F504CF...@shaw.ca...
> WTF is this crap?
>
> rt4562 wrote:
>>
>> Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
>>
This is from the site of one Ms Langley...Wrote a book, don't ya know....
Her book spends a lot of time explaining what cheating wives do, but very
little in the way of why. She has a discussion forum, much like this one,
mostly for men to complain about their cheating wives, and for cheating
wives to vent about how unfair it is to be torn between a lover and doing
what's right.
Very little is offered in the way of help for couples trying to deal with
what is actually the name of the site, which I won't give here, because I
feel it is mostly cr@p.
NewMan
wrote:
>rt4562 wrote:
>
>> Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
>>
>> Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
>>
>> They push men for commitment
>>
>> They get what they want
>>
>> They lose interest in sex
>>
>> They become attracted to someone else
>>
>> They start cheating
>>
>> They become angry and resentful
>>
>> They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
>>
>> They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making
>> their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an
>> indefinite, but usually, a long period of time…they end their
>> relationships or marriages.
>>
>< snip >
>When the bitching starts and it goes on and on, well that's the sign
>that man must be moving on.
>If you give in to often you will loose her respect but also if your
>tired of fighting for no reason at all then there is only one option
>left: Leave her before she leaves you ( it can take years but it will
>happen ).
I'm with you on this one. My wx-wife - I swear - just loved to fight.
I don't thing a day when by in our almost 13 year marriage when we did
not have an argument about SOMETHING. Mostly it was all just bullshit.
For the first couple of years I even told her I was tired of "her
shit". But she just kept at me again and again and again. Had I
realized what was happening, I would have kicked her sorry ass to the
curb after about 3 years of "wedded bliss". But I never figured it out
back then. It took me until year 12 of the marriage before I pretty
much hit "rick bottom" and realized that drastic measures were
required.
One of the few things that make it "worth it" is that I am now with
the most wonderful woman! She has renewed my faith that not all women
are abusive controlling bitches like my ex was to me. This means there
is hope for all the people who are stuck in bad marriages. When you
wake up, realize that your life sucks, accept responsibility for that
bad life, and then take whatever corrective steps are required to make
things better, THEN you will have a better life. Sit there with you
head up your ass, and things are NOT going to get better. Been there,
done that.
Xenos666.7
Xenos666.7
> Why do women cheat? dont you think that every case is different as if
> every mans?
>
> Ok so hands up ive been cheated on and cheated myself. Ive been
> married for 13 years about 3 years ago i found out my hubby was
> cheating on me, although he wouldnt admit it Im not stupid. Anyway
> more about my cheating, I just met a guy through work and we flirted
> and yes we had an affair which has only just ended. I would not try to
> justify my cheating but what i will say is i have a hubby who goes
> straight down the pub after work, comes home with even more beers and
> will sit playing on his playstation, I will not make love to someone
> who is half drunk all the time and i have needs too, ive talked to him
> until im blue in the face about his drinking but he wont admit to
> having a problem.
Are you happy living with a half drunk?
Better to divorce then cheat again because you will do it again.
He is who he is but if you cheat again and again you aren't better then he.
pints
care anymore if im as bad as him, ive past it. I just need to get the
strength and im gone.
Xenos666.7
> Of course im not happy, i just am scared on the unknown,
Do you have kids and/or shared property?
Either way if you loose your self-respect that's something very
difficult to get back.
I divorced once I knew how bad things really were.
Took me a few days to find out.
Then I gave her 1 and half hours to pack her things.
Yes it was a painful decision and the truth was earth shaking but I
would do it over and over again.
I was crying the first 3 months about 20 times a day and it hurt like
hell but I don't regret my decision to tell her to leave.
It' is not about him anymore for you ( I think ) it is about you.
The worst thing that can happen is that you live alone.
There are worst things then that.
" Better alone then in bad company ".
I try to live up to that.
There are good people but they don't carry a sign around.
It takes a while to find them.
Ray Gordon
> wallet raped, I was barred from my own house, was forced to use my
> entire life savings to "defend" myself in court while she pleaded
> poverty and got a free legal aid lawyer, and in the end I was
> effectively punished for being a man with a regular job.
This is the same "wallet" that got you to the front of the line for sex with
her, and the idiot narcissist in you was talking about what a "winner" you
were for "getting a woman" and so forth.
You weren't complaing about spending when you thought you were getting your
money's worth.
--
"Google maintains the USENET." -- The Honorable R. Barclay Surrick, Eastern
District of PA Judge
From Parker v. Google, E.D.Pa. #04-cv-3918
"appointment of counsel was unwarranted given Parker's abilities as a writer
and presenter of arguments"
From Page 6 of the ruling in Parker v. University of Pennsylvania, #04-3688,
Third Circuit Court Of Appeals.
Gary Duguay
Moving on now .
"rt4562" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:44f4f39a$0$8931$8826...@free.teranews.com...
> Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
>
> Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
>
> They push men for commitment
>
> They get what they want
>
> They lose interest in sex
>
> They become attracted to someone else
>
> They start cheating
>
> They become angry and resentful
>
> They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
>
> They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making
> their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an indefinite,
>
> If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never suspect
> that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife's or
> girlfriend's seeming disinterest in sex, but also because you have the
> naive belief that your wife or girlfriend is a "good girl." Unfortunately,
> males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and girlfriends without
> ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends' infidelities.
>
> If you're a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your
> partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would ever
> cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have cheated,
> you're shocked and appalled by your behavior, but at the same time you
> can't stop cheating.
>
> Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same
> they reported that they were no longer interested in sex. They spent a
> great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands
> for fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complained
> of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often tried to avoid going to
> bed at the same time as their husbands. They viewed sex as a job, not
> unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some of the women
> claimed that when their husbands touched them, they felt violated; they
> said their bodies would freeze up and they would feel tightness in their
> chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach. The majority of the women in
> Stage 1 felt there was something wrong with them, that they were in some
> way defective. They were also fearful that their disinterest in sex would
> cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them.
>
> Stage 2
>
> Women at Stage 2 experienced reawakened desire stimulated by encounters
> outside the marital relationship. Whether the new relationships involved
> sex or remained platonic, they were emotionally significant to these
> women.
>
> Many of the women had felt no sexual desire for a long time. Many
> experienced tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new
> relationships were sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most experienced
NewMan
wrote:
>> she still would have gotten "spousal support". As a man, I had my
>> wallet raped, I was barred from my own house, was forced to use my
>> entire life savings to "defend" myself in court while she pleaded
>> poverty and got a free legal aid lawyer, and in the end I was
>> effectively punished for being a man with a regular job.
>
>This is the same "wallet" that got you to the front of the line for sex with
>her,
On the contrary, when I met her I was unemployed, and still flat broke
from college!
There is a possibility that she thought that I had earning potential,
but at that particular time there was precious little money to be had.
> and the idiot narcissist in you was talking about what a "winner" you
>were for "getting a woman" and so forth.
I had lots of women before her. I do not recall any thoughts of being
either a "winner" or a "loser" with respect to this aspect of my life.
My status is NOT determined by whether or not I am getting laid.
>
>You weren't complaing about spending when you thought you were getting your
>money's worth.
See above.
I was quite clear with my then GF - she would need to work because I
could not afford to keep her. If she wanted a house, then she had to
work, period.
In retrospect, she was dishonest. It is clear looking back that she
resented this - and always did. SHe dicked around for years with
nowhere jobs trying to coerce me into getting a "better" job (read
higher paying job) so that she could become a lady of leisure.
This never happened. But knowing her spending habbits, her level of
spending would have been adjusted to my income level no matter how
much I was making. She only knew that she wanted. She had NO concept
of "saving for a rainny day", or for retirement for that matter, and
was incapable of living within our means.
This is where I was most angry at the courts. Had I supported us fully
financially during the marruage, then I could see justification for
support. And, while it is true that I did support us at the few times
she was unemployed, the fact is that she did work for the overwhelming
majority of the marriage. In the end, her salary was getting close to
mine. So for me to have to pay ANY spousal support - let alone $800
per month for a woman with no children and who is gainfully employable
is nothing short of having my wallet raped.
paveh...@gmail.com
rt4562 wrote:
> Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
>
> Women's relationships today, are following a very predictable pattern:
>
> They push men for commitment
>
> They get what they want
>
> They lose interest in sex
>
> They become attracted to someone else
>
> They start cheating
>
> They become angry and resentful
>
> They begin telling their partners that they need time apart
>
> They blame their partners for everything...and eventually, after making
> their partners and everyone else around them miserable for an
> relationships or marriages.
>
> If you're a male, like most other males, you would probably never
> suspect that your partner is cheating, not only because of your wife's
> or girlfriend's seeming disinterest in sex, but also because you have
> the naive belief that your wife or girlfriend is a "good girl."
> Unfortunately, males are frequently left/divorced by their wives and
> girlfriends without ever knowing about their wives' and girlfriends'
> infidelities.
>
> If you're a female, like most other females, prior to cheating on your
> partner you always proclaimed yourself to be "not the type" who would
> ever cheat. However, also like most other females, after they have
> cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior, but at the same
> time you can't stop cheating.
>
> Women's relationships and marriages will continue to follow this same
> particularly in regard to their sexuality and (cool.gif females develop
> happier. Over time, many of the women noticed a distinct loss of sexual
> desire; they reported that they were no longer interested in sex. They
> spent a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their
> husbands for fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently
> complained of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often tried to
> avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They viewed sex
> as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store.
> Some of the women claimed that when their husbands touched them, they
> felt violated; they said their bodies would freeze up and they would
> feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach.
> The majority of the women in Stage 1 felt there was something wrong with
> them, that they were in some way defective. They were also fearful that
> their disinterest in sex would cause their husbands to cheat, or worse
> yet, leave them.
>
> Stage 2
>
> Women at Stage 2 experienced reawakened desire stimulated by encounters
> outside the marital relationship. Whether the new relationships involved
> sex or remained platonic, they were emotionally significant to these women.
>
> Many of the women had felt no sexual desire for a long time. Many
> experienced tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new
> relationships were sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most experienced
This is a total crock in both forms.
Temily
rt4562 wrote:
Snip, snip, snip (had to use shears!)
Gee that was a long post!
Temily
Anonymous
I must say I was lucky to live in a "title" state with my car, my
motorcycles, my house, and my separate bank account.
when I divorced her (yes I filed) she didn't have a claim on any of it.
you might consider moving to a non joint property state if possible THEN
filing.
Ray Gordon wrote:
>>she still would have gotten "spousal support". As a man, I had my
>>wallet raped, I was barred from my own house, was forced to use my
>>entire life savings to "defend" myself in court while she pleaded
>>poverty and got a free legal aid lawyer, and in the end I was
>>effectively punished for being a man with a regular job.
>
>
> This is the same "wallet" that got you to the front of the line for sex with
> her, and the idiot narcissist in you was talking about what a "winner" you
> were for "getting a woman" and so forth.
>
> You weren't complaing about spending when you thought you were getting your
> money's worth.
>
>
--
- Call me ruthless, amoral, but never call me dishonest. -
enquiring minds
> I'm with you on this one. My wx-wife - I swear - just loved to fight.
> I don't thing a day when by in our almost 13 year marriage when we did
> not have an argument about SOMETHING.
I am not picking on the poster but point out differences. It may have
been
that the wife of the first 12 years had high caring standards and the
second
wife is more layed back and doesn't care, so no reason to argue about
anything.
> Mostly it was all just bullshit.
> For the first couple of years I even told her I was tired of "her
> shit". But she just kept at me again and again and again. Had I
> realized what was happening, I would have kicked her sorry ass to the
> curb after about 3 years of "wedded bliss".
You see, this is what young people never understand and neither do I.
What was
so blissful about the first 3 years of the marriage and how did it
change for the
next 9 years?
> But I never figured it out
> back then. It took me until year 12 of the marriage before I pretty
> much hit "rick bottom" and realized that drastic measures were
> required.
>
> One of the few things that make it "worth it" is that I am now with
> the most wonderful woman!
Which begs the question: How is this women so much more beautiful than
the
previous wife? How long have you been with this new woman?
> She has renewed my faith that not all women
> are abusive controlling bitches like my ex was to me.
When young men go to the bar, night clubs and house parties, do they
really think that
all women are abusive controlling bitches?
> This means there
> is hope for all the people who are stuck in bad marriages.
What is a definition of a bad marriage?
enquiring minds
So what happened to the house? Who bought who out? When you say you
paid 800 per month to your ex wife
was that for the rest of her life of 80 or 90 years or was it a lesser
period of time? Where did the money for the lawyers fees come from for
both you and your ex wife?
NewMan
I was very clear that I could not afford the mortgage. I also made it
quite clear that my name MUST come off the mortgage. I knew full well
that if my name was on the mortgage that she would just default and
the bank would raid my account.
Since she could not qualify for a mortgage on her "self-employment",
it forced teh sale of the house. And I got lucky - the house solde
about 1 week before the bank was about to foreclose. Thank GOD for
small mercies.
We had only owned the home for a couple of years and had virtually no
equity in it. In fact, we were in the middle of a market downturn, and
the house sold at a loss.
> When you say you paid 800 per month to your ex wife
>was that for the rest of her life of 80 or 90 years or was it a lesser
>period of time?
She was awarded one year - "reviewable". She invoked her "right of
review" and the second judge gave her a one year extention - NO
REVIEWABLE. So she got two years - which is about 2 years too many.
However, this was due to my hard and fast position that she was not
entitled to a penny. I found one of the best lawyers in town, and I
would not quit. This was the best possible outcome in the biased
courts with the BEST representation.
Had I just rolled over and played dead, the courts would have been all
too happy to attach her to my wallet for life.
> Where did the money for the lawyers fees come from for
>both you and your ex wife?
The courts ordered that "each side bear their own costs". She had a
"free" legal aid lawyer, so it cost her NOTHING. I lost over $30,000
in retirement savings - basically everything, and I had to file for
insolvency to re-arrange my finances so I could afford to pay the
bitch her court ordered extortion and still aford to rent a small
appartment, a bus pass, and some food on the table while she drove
around in our new car.
The thing that irks me the most is the part about the retirement
savings. I am not looking forward to retirement, I suspect that I will
be living in abject poverty at the rate things are going, and I can
never recover the years of lost contributions.
Anonymous
>>There is a possibility that she thought that I had earning potential,
>>but at that particular time there was precious little money to be had.
Hi,
I'm pretty sure my ex thought
1) we lived in a community property state (in fact I -know- she did, her
daughter who dropped out of law school after 1 week told her!) and
2) my 80+ year old mother would die in a year or two and I'd inherit a
bundle and she'd divorce me (husband #3) and get it.
>>My status is NOT determined by whether or not I am getting laid.
I must admit having a 34F knock-em-dead wife was a bit of a status symbol.
>>In retrospect, she was dishonest. It is clear looking back that she
>>resented this - and always did. SHe dicked around for years with
>>nowhere jobs trying to coerce me into getting a "better" job (read
>>higher paying job) so that she could become a lady of leisure.
same here...
she'd manage to get fired after a few months... fail a drug test etc...
one job she picked a fight on her 1 year anniversary.
she'd frame it in the context of "most men WANT their wives to stay at
home"...
well maybe if they got home, the house was clean, the dinner cooking,
and an evening of hot sex (she's rested) to follow.... when you get home
to the not working wife to find the house a wreck, dinner not started,
and her drunk it's not the ideal situation.
NewMan
>
>
>>>There is a possibility that she thought that I had earning potential,
>>>but at that particular time there was precious little money to be had.
>
>Hi,
>
>I'm pretty sure my ex thought
>
>1) we lived in a community property state (in fact I -know- she did, her
>daughter who dropped out of law school after 1 week told her!) and
>
>2) my 80+ year old mother would die in a year or two and I'd inherit a
>bundle and she'd divorce me (husband #3) and get it.
>
>>>My status is NOT determined by whether or not I am getting laid.
>
>I must admit having a 34F knock-em-dead wife was a bit of a status symbol.
>
Definitly eye candy. Back in the day I used to equate "hot looks" with
beauty. I have learned though. Brit Spears is a classic example. She
is "hot". I always found her very attractive. But the physical
appearance says NOTHING about her quality as a potential long-term
partner / mate. Sure enough - as soon as she started opening her mouth
and spewwing garbage - all the eye-candy appeal just went out the
window!
As the Northern Pikes say... "She aint pretty, she just looks that
way!"
>>>In retrospect, she was dishonest. It is clear looking back that she
>>>resented this - and always did. SHe dicked around for years with
>>>nowhere jobs trying to coerce me into getting a "better" job (read
>>>higher paying job) so that she could become a lady of leisure.
>
>same here...
>
>she'd manage to get fired after a few months... fail a drug test etc...
>one job she picked a fight on her 1 year anniversary.
>
Sounds familiar!
>she'd frame it in the context of "most men WANT their wives to stay at
>home"...
>
>well maybe if they got home, the house was clean, the dinner cooking,
>and an evening of hot sex (she's rested) to follow.... when you get home
>to the not working wife to find the house a wreck, dinner not started,
>and her drunk it's not the ideal situation.
BINGO!!!!
I used to get up at 4:30 AM and not get home until between 7:00 and
8:00 PM. And when I did, I would usually find all 4 TVs in the house
on, and she would be on her computer "working". The kitchen would be a
total pig sty with not a single counter clean from her all day
forraging. The dishwasher was empty as she was too lazy to fill it and
turn it on, and there would be few - if any - clean dishes to cook
with and serve on.
Her day usually consisted of getting up about noon. By this time the
dogs had usually peed or shit in the house - which was left for me to
clean when she got home. She would then proceed to eat for about 3
hours. Then she would plunk herslef down for an hour or two of "Oprah"
while she ate a couple of boxes of bon-bons. THEN she would go
upstairs to her "office" and surf the net for a few hours. Then, just
before I got home, would start trying to "work" - and of course she
could not be distubed while she was "working". (Maybe she was the
original cyber-whore???)
She usually screamed at me when I walked through the dorr that she was
hungry "NOW", yet despite having been home all day and already
consumed some 5000 calories and countless grams fo fat and carbs would
have no idea what she wanted - just that she wanted it "NOW". So I
would have to go get her some fast food until I could get dinner done.
Thinking back, it is no wonder she doubled her weight. At one point
she was on Jenny Craig. She liked the food so much that she used to
purchase a carload of it and eat twice as much! SHe figured that since
it was calorie reduced, that she should be able to eat twice as much
and it would still be ok! At one point she was on Ionamin and Ponderal
for weight control. When it started working, she took this as a signal
that she could then eat anything she wanted - which she did. After
MONTHS of weight gan on the wieght loss drugs, the Dr finally would
not renew her prescription - and then she REALLY packed it on.
I really haqve no idea why I did not leave YEARS before the break-up.
And sex??? What sex??? There was no sex for almost the last 5 years of
the marriage. Don't get me wrong. Sex is NOT everything, But it is
absolutely true, if the sex life is bad, then something is WRONG in
the relationship.
You sure you were not married to some relative of my ex???
NewMan
wrote:
>
>Anonymous wrote:
>> Hi,
>>
>> I must say I was lucky to live in a "title" state with my car, my
>> motorcycles, my house, and my separate bank account.
>>
>> when I divorced her (yes I filed) she didn't have a claim on any of it.
>>
>> you might consider moving to a non joint property state if possible THEN
>> filing.
>
>Yeah, right. The state where they both reside right now will end up
>controlling jurisdiction. If, however, they BOTH move to the other
>state
>and stay there for whatever time is necessary for residency to be
>established - and, when they file, she doesn't go back to the original
>state and hire an attorney, that might work.
>
>If he moves by himself, in many community property states, that can
>be interpreted as abandonment of his rights to any property. So, a
>bit of advice: look into marriage laws and THINK about a pre-nup - for
>a long long time, before marrying.
>
>>
>> Ray Gordon wrote:
>> >>she still would have gotten "spousal support". As a man, I had my
>> >>wallet raped, I was barred from my own house, was forced to use my
>> >>entire life savings to "defend" myself in court while she pleaded
>> >>poverty and got a free legal aid lawyer, and in the end I was
>> >>effectively punished for being a man with a regular job.
>
>In response (brief) to Ray: that happens, increasingly, to women, too.
>
Well I guess that is equality then. Why oh why does it always have to
come down to the LOWEST common denominator???
>> >
>> >
>> > This is the same "wallet" that got you to the front of the line for sex with
>> > her, and the idiot narcissist in you was talking about what a "winner" you
>> > were for "getting a woman" and so forth.
>
>That's sad. So sad. Women should be much more free with sex, to
>avoid this problem. I'm serious.
>> >
>> > You weren't complaing about spending when you thought you were getting your
>> > money's worth.
>
>That's sad too. I'm starting to sound like Bill.
>
>A.
>> >
>> >
WantonZoo
much with all of this but this:
>
> Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common, but it
> will also continue to be on the rise. In fact, today, many men are
> unknowingly playing a game of Russian roulette in their relationships
> with women."
>
The cheating women are playing RR with their kids and the husband as well.
And the consequeces are sometimes horrifying and always destructive to
everyone involved.
The chemical high they speak of is like none other. Euphoric. Very
powerful stuff - affairs.
WantonZoo
althought the hardest as well.
"pints" <pintsiz...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
news:1156938986.4...@b28g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
John Edwards
WantonZoo wrote in message <61fdc$45114527$4831aa12$57...@FUSE.NET>...
paveh...@gmail.com
Really???
NewMan
That feeling occurs in new relationships. The body actually releases
chemicals in the brain which induce a natural high. This is most
commonly assocaited with the "NRE" or New Relationship Energy - or
sometimes refered to as the Hornymoon phase of a new relationship.
For some people they get hooked on the "high". They are addicted to
it. So when their current partner does not do it for them they either
cheat, or simply break up and move on to the next partner. Sort of
like serial monogomy.
Temily
rt4562 wrote:
> Find out the Real reason women are cheating as much as men:
The 'real reason'?
The real reason why anyone - man or woman - has an affair is because
they choose to, due to lack of self control and consideration for
others.
It boils down to a person's own morality, sense of self and CHOICE.
Temily
WantonZoo
window when going through the trauma of divorce. And choice? When you've
been living on bread and water for years and someone puts the king's feast
in front of you...you do what? You take a bite - and that bite is incredible
and then addiciting and then distructive.
"Temily" <tem...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1158884975.9...@b28g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...