stbx took the kids w/ him to jewelry shop:-(
mrs_cal
I'm kind of upset at the stbx right now. He took our kids shopping on
Sunday night at the Mall, I asked her if she had fun, as she LOVES the mall
(she's 12!). She said, sure dad was looking at lots of jewelry, and maybe
he was buying some for her for Christmas. Sure, could be, I told her.
So, our son walks into the room during this conversation and says she must
be crazy, Dad wouldn't spend that much on her, and since what he was looking
at certainly wasn't for a kid, don't get your hopes up.
My daughter said, why wouldn't dad buy me a nice ring?
OMG, I can't believe I'm hearing this. He has the kids, took them to a
hockey game, but the score was so lopsided they left to go Christmas
shopping for his G/F? The one they don't want to meet? The one they want
nothing to do with? The guy has rocks in his head, or something.
Funny thing is, this didn't send me off the deep end like usual. I feel
more ambivalent than anything else. I don't want my kids to hurt, but other
than that, well, I need to move on. She can have him. (easy for me to say,
since she does, right?)
But should I say anything to him about our daughters expectations? I would
rather he didn't know I know about the shopping, but what should I say? She
knows he bought something, but didn't see what it was, so she thinks it for
her, but her brother told her it wasn't. Do I keep my mouth shut, and let
them all work it out on their own? That's where I'm leaning, but what do
you think?
Thanks
Cal~
Mary Lou
Here's what i would do... Tell him that his daughter thinks he bought
something for her, and maybe suggest that to avoid her feelings being hurt,
that he go out and pick out a pretty ring for her, appropriate for her age...
I know you can't TELL him what to do, but maybe he has no idea that she was
under this assumption that he had bought something for her.... and who
knows, maybe he ALREADY got her something anyway...
Wait, the more i think about it, since i don't know your ex, he might feel
like you're telling him what to do, even by just suggesting it, and get
defensive.... But still i think you should let him know that your daughter
thinks he bought her something at the jewelry store, and let HIM take it from
there....
Then just hope it works out ok....
Just a note, but when i've gone out shopping with my boys in the past, we've
looked at things, including potential presents for my bf... they even enjoy
helping out, since they "know more about guy stuff" than i do anyway.... but
then i realize your situation is different... the daughter could have even
been a part of picking out the gift for the gf, as that would maybe help her
to feel more "included" and special... i know this is difficult right now,
and hopefully it will be easier as the kids become more "accepting" of their
parents' separate lives....
Another note... I don't have a daughter, but a lady i work with has a 12-year
old and she said she's been asking her for "real" jewelry lately, so she
bought her a pretty birthstone ring, age-appropriate, just from mom to
daughter....
Kathryn Litherland
brunt of the communication burden with their dad, rather than going
through you everytime Mr. "Rocks In His Head" does another dumb and/or
hurtful thing. 'Course, I'm no expert, since mine are only 3 and 5, but
even with the 5-yo, I'm trying to instill in him the idea that if he has a
problem with someone (be that the bullies on the bus or his sister or his
dad) that the first line of defense is to at least try solving the problem
himself. I'm happy to listen to his problems, but I want him to make the
first steps toward working out his own conflicts with others in
appropriate ways--whether that be telling someone that what they are
doing bothers him, or ignoring the offender, or whatever (not by whacking
the offender, which unfortunately is his first-line conflict resolution
tactic with his sister!). There's no guarantee that he'll listen to your
daughter, either, but I think it would sound more honest, and less
"controlling" than if it came from you.
-----
Kathryn Litherland | People make their own history
Latin American Studies Program | but they do not make it under
University of Illinois, Chicago | circumstances of their own choosing
| --Karl Marx, _The 18th Brumaire_
Karen Ronan
My advice is not to intervene.
Sadly, in life, there is disappointment caused by parents.
Your daughter must learn ways to manage disappointment and
not be protected from it. I think this ring business may
actually be more painful for you than for her!
If you want, *you* can buy her a ring. But do not
"tip off" daddy. That is overprotection and it won't
help your daughter.
Karen
Roger Blinn
misinterpreted the situation. How he handles this information is his
business, but it seems to me that this is a simple matter of parental
communication about the kids welfare.
I do think that your will soon need to explain to her that children of all
ages are sometimes disappointed by their parents, because they may not
intend to be mean or cruel, but like all human beings, they are not perfect
and do not always do the right thing.
"Karen Ronan" <ro...@hhmi.ucla.edu> wrote in message
news:91oli2$590$1...@carroll.library.ucla.edu...
> Cal,
>
> My advice is not to intervene.
>
> Sadly, in life, there is disappointment caused by parents.
> Your daughter must learn ways to manage disappointment and
> not be protected from it. I think this ring business may
> actually be more painful for you than for her! <SNIP>
>
mrs_cal
"Roger Blinn" <afn0...@afn.org> wrote in message
news:91ona2$3dos$1...@spnode25.nerdc.ufl.edu...
Well, he called me this afternoon, and we "chatted" about various things.
It's rather strange, he still calls nearly everyday to "chat" about the
kids, much like he did before all this happened, only now it's down to 3/4
times a week vs. several times a day. (and you wonder why I'm confused????)
Anyway, we were discussing the kids and the gifts we are planning to
purchase for them. We have decided on a set amount of money to spend, and
we split that amount, so we both spend around the same, and then split the
wish list between us.
He asked what I was planning on getting the kids, so I took the opening he
gave me, and asked if he was getting our daughter jewelry, as she thinks he
is. He asked why she thought that, since jewelry wasn't on her list. So I
told him she got the idea from their shopping expedition Sunday night. He
said he hadn't planned on it, but he will get her a pair of earrings.
It's amazing, but even after he admitted he wasn't planning on it, so it's
obviously for HER, I still didn't feel upset. It's okay, for now at least.
Thanks all
Cal~
>
>
>
Mary Lou
>He asked what I was planning on getting the kids, so I took the opening he
>gave me, and asked if he was getting our daughter jewelry, as she thinks he
>is. He asked why she thought that, since jewelry wasn't on her list. So I
>told him she got the idea from their shopping expedition Sunday night. He
>said he hadn't planned on it, but he will get her a pair of earrings.
>
>It's amazing, but even after he admitted he wasn't planning on it, so it's
>obviously for HER, I still didn't feel upset. It's okay, for now at least.
then again, maybe the jewelry he bought was for HIMSELF!!!!
:-) just kidding..
mrs_cal
"Mary Lou" <i2...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:A8U%5.10796$A06.3...@news1.frmt1.sfba.home.com...
other person I know. Last year for Christmas I gave him a carved, inlaid
box to display them in. It now resides at his GF's house. Well, at least
she knows I have good taste.
Cal~
Toni B
>But should I say anything to him about our daughters expectations? I would
>rather he didn't know I know about the shopping, but what should I say? She
>knows he bought something, but didn't see what it was, so she thinks it for
>her, but her brother told her it wasn't. Do I keep my mouth shut, and let
>them all work it out on their own? That's where I'm leaning, but what do
>you think?
>
>Thanks
>
>Cal~
>
>
Once again, girl, let it pass. Saying *anything* to him is a waste of your
time.
Kathryn
should leave it up to them to sort out their feelings for each other. You
can support your daughter, and tell her you feel bad for her, but I think
you may be opening up a can of worms if you suggest anything to your ex.
Their relationship is up to *them*, not you :).
Kathryn
--
*** The only thing that stays the same is change ***
"Mary Lou" <i2...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:iYN%5.9157$A06.3...@news1.frmt1.sfba.home.com...
Joseph W. Casey
What would be so odd about that. I won about a dozen rings (I can't wear
them anymore because of arteritis in my hands) and almost as many ear rings
and chains as my sister.
Joseph
--
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