How do you know the water is safe?
My Own Doppelganger
month. Before that, I was separated for a year. And before that, my
ex and I slept in separate bedrooms for almost a year. The marriage
was not good for either one of us, but I won't go into it here.
Needless to say, I'm getting restless. The time alone was good for
the soul, but I'm now wondering if I should get back in the water.
Whenever I even begin looking at ads online, I start thinking OMFG,
you've got to be kidding…..do you really want to be playing the game
again? What about all the "psychos" out there?! I married one!
Hell, I'm 40 and starting over again. It's probably my self-esteem
talking, but who would want someone twice divorced? Granted, I'm in
the best physical shape of my life {barring my late teens}, got a
decent job, still have a full head of hair, got the advance degree
thing, and look above average…..I think. How the hell do I get back
in the game?
What triggered this is that there's a total hottie at work in another
department {with a great sense of humor and brains too (going for her
Masters)!} who I think is attracted to me. I'm like oh sh*t! What do
I do now?
Geez, I feel like a HS kid posting this crap…..ugh!
--------
In a cold world you need your friends to keep you warm.
Barbara Didrichsen
<MyOwnDop...@comcast.net> wrote:
[snip]
>What triggered this is that there's a total hottie at work in another
>department {with a great sense of humor and brains too (going for her
>Masters)!} who I think is attracted to me. I'm like oh sh*t! What do
>I do now?
Suppose this were a guy at work that you met and wanted to get to know
better, maybe become friends with.
What's tripping you up is all the anticipation and expectation that
tends to crop up when you think about a potential romantic
relationship. If you can see that process happening, you can also
remind yourself that getting to know another person doesn't have to
entail all these mental gymnastics.
So if you approach it as -- this is someone I'd like to know better --
then you might relax and feel free to meet her for lunch or coffee. I
believe a huge part of any romantic relationship is friendship -- so
why not build that part first?
Barb
Roger B.
you're afraid that she might say yes, but it doesn't mean that
you'll have to marry the woman. :-) [R]
"My Own Doppelganger" <MyOwnDop...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:kgqbn0lronlr5jc6s...@4ax.com...
> Okay, here's a little background. The divorce was finalized last
> month. Before that, I was separated for a year. And before that, my
> ex and I slept in separate bedrooms for almost a year. The marriage
> was not good for either one of us, but I won't go into it here.
>
> Needless to say, I'm getting restless. The time alone was good for
> the soul, but I'm now wondering if I should get back in the water.
> Whenever I even begin looking at ads online, I start thinking OMFG,
> you've got to be kidding...do you really want to be playing the game
> again? What about all the "psychos" out there?! I married one!
>
> Hell, I'm 40 and starting over again. It's probably my self-esteem
> talking, but who would want someone twice divorced? Granted, I'm in
> the best physical shape of my life {barring my late teens}, got a
> decent job, still have a full head of hair, got the advance degree
> thing, and look above average...I think. How the hell do I get back
> in the game?
>
> What triggered this is that there's a total hottie at work in another
> department {with a great sense of humor and brains too (going for her
> Masters)!} who I think is attracted to me. I'm like oh sh*t! What do
> I do now?
>
> Geez, I feel like a HS kid posting this crap...ugh!
rj
> month. Before that, I was separated for a year. And before that, my
> ex and I slept in separate bedrooms for almost a year. The marriage
> was not good for either one of us, but I won't go into it here.
>
> Needless to say, I'm getting restless. The time alone was good for
> the soul, but I'm now wondering if I should get back in the water.
> Whenever I even begin looking at ads online, I start thinking OMFG,
> again? What about all the "psychos" out there?! I married one!
>
> Hell, I'm 40 and starting over again. It's probably my self-esteem
> talking, but who would want someone twice divorced? Granted, I'm in
> the best physical shape of my life {barring my late teens}, got a
> decent job, still have a full head of hair, got the advance degree
> in the game?
>
> What triggered this is that there's a total hottie at work in another
> department {with a great sense of humor and brains too (going for her
> Masters)!} who I think is attracted to me. I'm like oh sh*t! What do
> I do now?
>
>
>
> --------
> In a cold world you need your friends to keep you warm.
Yo, Dop...
Sorry... but I've just got to sorta chuckle. <grin> I know *exactly*
how you feel. And it *is* pretty daunting.
But once you sorta get over the initial hump (<grin> damn... that was
a pun that I didn't intend to make..) it gets a lot easier.
As for as the "who would want someone twice divorced?" thing... Well,
you'd be surprised. *I* was (still am) one of those twice divorced
critters... and The Love of My Life apparently liked what she saw
anyway.
And as far as the total hottie in the other department... Well, if
she's available and if you're interested, just ask her if she'd like
to have dinner with you some evening. Or maybe just a quick cup of
coffee or something after work. Have a conversation. Find out if
maybe she's *friend* material as well as... uh... hormonally
interesting. Ask her if she's seen whatever the last movie *you* saw
was, and whether she detested it (or liked it) as much as you did.
Worst thing that could happen would be that she says she's not into
coffee or dinner. And if she *is* into coffee or dinner, *then* the
worst thing that could happen is you decide you don't like her all
that much anyway (or vice-versa)... In which case you look around for
another hottie. If, on the other hand, she *does* turn out to be
friend material... well, you get the idea.
It really ain't all that difficult.
And the *really* important part is to keep it slow and keep it
low-key. Don't press things. If you happen to run into The Love of
*Your* Life... then that will eventually become apparent to you in the
fullness of time.
For quite a while, I was using a couple of internet dating services to
set up initial cup-of-coffee-or-maybe-dinner meetings. Most went no
further than the first face-to-face social contact. Others went
further, but still no great relationships.
And finally, of course, The Love of My Life contacted me (via one of
those dating service things)... and *that* one just seemed to take
right off!
Good luck!
rj
Casey
Excellent (as usual) advice!
It took me a while to realize what Barb just said so well. Give being
friends a chance - it's low pressure and fun. The romantic part will
either happen or not happen, but you don't even know if you want it to.
You can never have too many friends!
Casey
rj
Barb,
Elegantly put, and all very, very true.
Friendship cannot be overrated. Even if a relationship is no more
than "just" friendship, it's still a *truly* valuable thing.
And without friendship, I don't think that love stands any chance at
all of succeeding. I love my wife. But she was my friend, and a
really *good* friend long before she was my wife. And now that she's
The Love of My Life.... you know what? She's still my best friend.
rj
protrusion
make it like a "date," try to set it up casually walking by some time..."I'm
heading over to xxxx for a xxxx" (burger, taco, whatever), "you free?"
....if she's interested she should respond. when I decided to start dating
again I made all the first moves, guys just assumed (they told me later)
that I was taken or not interested.
My Own Doppelganger <MyOwnDop...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:kgqbn0lronlr5jc6s...@4ax.com...
> Okay, here's a little background. The divorce was finalized last
> month. Before that, I was separated for a year. And before that, my
> ex and I slept in separate bedrooms for almost a year. The marriage
> was not good for either one of us, but I won't go into it here.
>
> Needless to say, I'm getting restless. The time alone was good for
> the soul, but I'm now wondering if I should get back in the water.
> Whenever I even begin looking at ads online, I start thinking OMFG,
> you've got to be kidding...do you really want to be playing the game
> again? What about all the "psychos" out there?! I married one!
>
> Hell, I'm 40 and starting over again. It's probably my self-esteem
> talking, but who would want someone twice divorced? Granted, I'm in
> the best physical shape of my life {barring my late teens}, got a
> decent job, still have a full head of hair, got the advance degree
> thing, and look above average...I think. How the hell do I get back
> in the game?
>
> What triggered this is that there's a total hottie at work in another
> department {with a great sense of humor and brains too (going for her
> Masters)!} who I think is attracted to me. I'm like oh sh*t! What do
> I do now?
>
> Geez, I feel like a HS kid posting this crap...ugh!
YooperBoyka
"rj" <rjk...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:72869e59.04102...@posting.google.com...
>
> And finally, of course, The Love of My Life contacted me (via one of
> those dating service things)... and *that* one just seemed to take
> right off!
I took a long drive last night,...helps me think.
...and something popped into my head.
What if I were to put up a personal ad that said in effect,
"...if you want to know about me, I post in ASD under the
name YooperBoyka"
Stupid?
Rambler
Why give all the good stuff away upfront?
Rambler
YooperBoyka
Big RJ
Funny Rambler! Yop, just go for it. Puting an ad in doesn't commit you.
Have fun, meet new friends of the female gender. You can actively send out
emails, or just sit back and see what "swims" along.
I met my g/f on Yahoo Personals. She sent me a "wink". That was about a
year ago. I'm 38, so you only have a few years on me.
Oh, by the way, post marriage sex is outrageous! None of that sleeping in
the other bedroom like I used to do as well. Never again.
Big RJ
rj
Nope. Not stupid at all.
<grin>
It worked for me... or something like it anyway.
Back in my single and dating days, I had my profile posted in a couple
of the online services. In the profile, I tried to be very truthful
about the sort of person I was (or at least *thought* I was). I
basically used the online services as a way to meet people that I
wouldn't otherwise meet, like through church and so on. Wasn't trying
to "find a soulmate" or anything... <grin> Wasn't even tryin' to get
laid. I just liked to now and then have dinner with a new female-type
person whom I'd never met before.
Mostly, these contacts were made by me. I'd scan the ladies'
profiles, and if I saw one that looked maybe interesting, I'd send her
an email. And after a few email exchanges, if we were both so
inclined, we'd maybe meet for coffee or dinner somewhere. It was fun,
and I made a few friends.
Then one day I got an email from someone who's profile I'd never seen.
It said simply "Hi. I like your bio."
<grin>
So I pulled up *her* bio, looked through it, and decided to answer.
It turned out that the reason I hadn't previously seen her bio was
because I had been restricting my searches of the database to people
within the Houston metropolitan area... which was where I lived at the
time. She, otoh was *way* out of town. She was living and working in
Korea.
Well, one thing led to another, and now here I am, a sad and lonely
guy (at least for the next month), because The Love of My Life (who
*still* likes my bio) just headed back yesterday to Canada to visit
her relatives... and it won't be until mid-November before we make
connections again in Houston.
rj
Rambler
I guess I am the only one who thought that you were asking whether
pointing to your ASD posts was stupid or not. Ah well, probably it is
the hour of the night. At least rj is a couple hours behind me.
Rambler
DrLith
"YooperBoyka" <cj.don'tw...@no.spam> wrote in message
news:K7qdnQ4Bcu2...@comcast.com...
Whereya gonna go to post that personal ad? 99.9% of your target audience has
never heard of Usenet, let alone ASD. We're weirdos, let's face it.
If ya wanna find the Love of Your Life, you can't afford to be lazy about
it. Write up a decent couple of paragraphs about yerself to hook 'em, and be
prepared to invest more time into some e-mail exchanges, coffee dates, etc.
etc. etc. while "the rest of the story" (a.k.a., "The Wonder Which Is Yoop")
unfolds and lands 'em.
DrLith, who was googled by the guy she's dating--eek!
YooperBoyka
That was exactly what I was asking.
YooperBoyka
"DrLith" <drl...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:2tnnmkF...@uni-berlin.de...
>
> "YooperBoyka" <cj.don'tw...@no.spam> wrote in message
> news:K7qdnQ4Bcu2...@comcast.com...
>>
>> "rj" <rjk...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:72869e59.04102...@posting.google.com...
>> >
>> > And finally, of course, The Love of My Life contacted me (via one of
>> > those dating service things)... and *that* one just seemed to take
>> > right off!
>>
>> I took a long drive last night,...helps me think.
>> ...and something popped into my head.
>> What if I were to put up a personal ad that said in effect,
>> "...if you want to know about me, I post in ASD under the
>> name YooperBoyka"
>>
>> Stupid?
>
> Whereya gonna go to post that personal ad? 99.9% of your target audience
> has
> never heard of Usenet, let alone ASD. We're weirdos, let's face it.
Yeah,...I guess we are.
Wilson
> I met my g/f on Yahoo Personals. She sent me a "wink". That was about a
> year ago. I'm 38, so you only have a few years on me.
>
> Oh, by the way, post marriage sex is outrageous! None of that sleeping in
> the other bedroom like I used to do as well. Never again.
>
> Big RJ
I just got onYahoo personals but I've get to sign up for the service....how
would rate it? Even though you had a few misses would you say that it was
worth your time?
BTW got papers from atty today and am having the STBX sign tonight.
Starting to get a little depressed now.
Mulligan
rj
Ahhh...
The light dawns! For me, anyhow...
Actually, no not stupid. Or at least, it can't hurt.
The more *visible* you make yourself, the more you increase the odds
of making contact with people... or of people making contact with you.
For me, being an introvert (INTJ), this has always been a bit of a
problem. But in situations where it's important, I try to conciously
apply the concept.
<grin>
I've always been a great believer in the concept of "playing the
odds". Life is (to some degree anyway) like a casino. You can't win
if you don't play. But to play intelligently, you've gotta understand
the odds... and try to be on the right side of them.
rj
KENNY ROGERS - THE GAMBLER
On a warm summers evening, on a train bound for nowhere
I met up with a gambler, we were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns at staring out the window at the darkness
The boredom overtook us and he began to speak
He said, son I've made a life out of reading people's faces
And knowing what the cards were, by the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind my sayin', I can see you're out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey, I'll give you some advice
So I handed him my bottle, and he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression
Said, if you're gonna play the game, boy, you gotta learn to play it
right
Chorus:
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money, when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin', when the dealin's done.
Every gambler knows that the secret to survive is
Knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep
'Cos every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for is that you end asleep.
And when he finished speakin', he turned back for the window
Crushed out the cigarette, faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep
Bill in Co.
Well hot damn! It's about time, AI!!
rj
Yo, AI Bill...
I'm tired of you for the time being. Probably for a good *long* time
being.
So fuck off.
rj
Rambler
Lol ... he got you rj. You can tell the AI comment bothered him as he
has (finally) turned around and started applying it to you.
(I'll make myself a target) Funny thing is, what with the switching of
news clients and computers, I didn't re-block Bill (I thought I had, but
I think that was in a different User Account) so I get his unfiltered,
raw posts again. Thing is, I've kind of learned to ignore them/him.
Rambler
(Father's greatest saying: "Don't bite")
Rambler
lol ... googling taking on yet another meaning?
Rambler
rj
<iamramble...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>Lol ... he got you rj. You can tell the AI comment bothered him as he
>has (finally) turned around and started applying it to you.
Nah... He didn't get me.
Just that a person has got to take a break every now and then.
<grin>
And I'm very much aware that the AI comment got to him. Hell, I
specifically designed it to get is attention.
But, like I say, I'm tired of old AI at the moment.
rj
Bill in Co.
ROFLMAO!!!
You guys are SO... easy, I do believe I could take ya all on with one hand
tied behind my back!
Better follow Yoopie, and hide behind your KFs for "protection", my fellow
wimpies, before I kick your asses anymore. Stay in the ring here with me,
and you'll get sliced and diced. Lord have Mercy! Newage
bantamweights...
LOL!
LoriMc
>
> I'm tired of you for the time being. Probably for a good *long* time
> being.
>
> So fuck off.
>
> rj
ROFL
Getting cranky with the wife away are ya.? <g>
Lori Mc
Bill in Co.
Is he still married? Oh yeah, that's right, he's on his third. Well
hells bells, that beats Hollywood. Hey rj, if you need any tips on how to
maintain a LONG term relationship, just ask me. Don't feel guilty about
asking - as I've told my students, it is GOOD to ask when you don't
understand something.
Rambler
rofl ... see, just like fly fishing, and they can't help themselves.
Forgive them lord ... or something like that.
Rambler
Rambler
And that folks, would be considered a foul, double red-card on Bill.
Had he weaved Hitler into it, he could have gotten a triple-red card.
We won't delve into the reasons why your wife divorced you now, Bill,
will we. Nope, that would be too easy.
Rambler
Bill in Co.
It might be getting a bit heavy in here for you new age bantamweights. Be
forewarned.
LOL!
LoriMc
That wasn't very nice Bill. I'm twice divorced myself and not real proud of
that fact, but that doesn't mean that if I get married again in my lifetime
that I'm some kind of Hollywood type that doesn't know how to have a
relationship ya know... Some times rotten things do happen to good people.
Lori Mc
Bill in Co.
> Bill in Co. wrote:
>> LoriMc wrote:
>>> rj wrote:
>>>>
>>>> I'm tired of you for the time being. Probably for a good *long*
>>>> time being.
>>>>
>>>> So fuck off.
>>>>
>>>> rj
>>>
>>> ROFL
>>>
>>> Getting cranky with the wife away are ya.? <g>
>>>
>>> Lori Mc
>>
>> Is he still married? Oh yeah, that's right, he's on his third.
>> Well hells bells, that beats Hollywood. Hey rj, if you need any
>> tips on how to maintain a LONG term relationship, just ask me.
>> Don't feel guilty about asking - as I've told my students, it is GOOD
>> to ask when you don't understand something.
>
> That wasn't very nice Bill.
Well, being told to fuck off wasn't very nice either. What goes around,
comes around. If you (generically) can dish out the personal insults,
you'd best be prepared to receive them. Or hit the Exit sign.
And just FYI - I wasn't the one who initiated the personal insults. And I
rarely am. (Try to keep a balanced perspective on this).
Rambler
> LoriMc wrote:
>
>>Bill in Co. wrote:
>>
>>>LoriMc wrote:
>>>
>>>>rj wrote:
>>>>
>>>>>I'm tired of you for the time being. Probably for a good *long*
>>>>>time being.
>>>>>
>>>>>So fuck off.
>>>>>
>>>>>rj
>>>>
>>>>ROFL
>>>>
>>>>Getting cranky with the wife away are ya.? <g>
>>>>
>>>>Lori Mc
>>>
>>>Is he still married? Oh yeah, that's right, he's on his third.
>>>Well hells bells, that beats Hollywood. Hey rj, if you need any
>>>tips on how to maintain a LONG term relationship, just ask me.
>>>Don't feel guilty about asking - as I've told my students, it is GOOD
>>>to ask when you don't understand something.
>>
>>That wasn't very nice Bill.
>
>
> Well, being told to fuck off wasn't very nice either. What goes around,
> comes around. If you (generically) can dish out the personal insults,
> you'd best be prepared to receive them. Or hit the Exit sign.
Hey Bill ...
Fuck off.
Rambler
Bill in Co.
LOL! You too.
LoriMc
Bill don't you remember your mother or someone from back in the 50's telling
you that if you act like a person who does something you don't like, that it
makes you just as bad as they are? So it isn't alright to call someone
names just because they called you one. (Wisdom I learned from my
grandmother)
And ok, I shouldn't have laughed when rj told you to FO, but I thought it
was pretty out of character for him and it made me giggle.
Be nice boys!!
Lori Mc
My Own Doppelganger
On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 09:33:17 GMT, "Barbara Didrichsen"
<barb...@yahooremove.com> wrote:
>
>Suppose this were a guy at work that you met and wanted to get to know
>better, maybe become friends with.
>
>What's tripping you up is all the anticipation and expectation that
>tends to crop up when you think about a potential romantic
>relationship. If you can see that process happening, you can also
>remind yourself that getting to know another person doesn't have to
>entail all these mental gymnastics.
>
>So if you approach it as -- this is someone I'd like to know better --
>then you might relax and feel free to meet her for lunch or coffee. I
>believe a huge part of any romantic relationship is friendship -- so
>why not build that part first?
>
>Barb
--------
In a cold world you need your friends to keep you warm.
My Own Doppelganger
to my 2 previous exes! :-)
On Wed, 20 Oct 2004 06:47:01 -0400, "Roger B."
<rcblin...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>If you ask her out? What's the worst that can happen? I know,
>you're afraid that she might say yes, but it doesn't mean that
>you'll have to marry the woman. :-) [R]
Bill in Co.
We don't wanna be nice. Can't ya tell? Besides, some of them need
some help, and I'm here to give it to them. They're still too young to
get it yet.
Casey
> Bill in Co. wrote:
> > LoriMc wrote:
> >>rj wrote:
> >>
> >>>I'm tired of you for the time being. Probably for a good *long* time
> >>>being.
> >>>
> >>>So fuck off.
> >>>
> >>
> >>
> >>Getting cranky with the wife away are ya.? <g>
> >
> > hells bells, that beats Hollywood. Hey rj, if you need any tips on how to
> > maintain a LONG term relationship, just ask me. Don't feel guilty about
> > asking - as I've told my students, it is GOOD to ask when you don't
> > understand something.
>
> And that folks, would be considered a foul, double red-card on Bill.
> Had he weaved Hitler into it, he could have gotten a triple-red card.
It is a big time foul and one of the reasons I don't communicate with
Bill. Life's just too short. He pulled a similar foul on me a while
back ... and there's more to this than first meets the eye:
Casey
rj
I think I'd like to add a caveat to this... though there are certainly
people who would disagree with me.
I'd say that if you are out there *actively* looking for The Love of
Your Life (or your "soulmate" or however you want to term it...) then
there is a pretty good chance that you are *not* personally really
ready to get into a "Love of Your Life" sort of relationship. That
sort of conscious search implies a sort of unhappiness with yourself,
or a neediness, that is likely to preclude the success of any such
relationship.
But if, OTOH, you're out there just enjoying yourself, widening your
social horizons, and making new friends... well that's an entirely
different kettle of fish... In *that* case... when (and if) The Love
pops up maybe you'll be ready and able to recognize it and handle it.
Just my 2 rupees worth...
rj
rj
LOL...
Just one more (the *very* last) comment to you before I disappear into the sunset:
It *is* GOOD to ask.
These relationship skills of yours that you seem to be so proud of...
Well... just HOW did YOU fuck up?
Maybe you ought to ask...
rj
rj
Nah... Not really. Although I do confess that the apartment really
seems *empty* right now.
But her trip is going well. Just talked to her on the cell phone this
morning while I was on the way to work. She's made it to Frankfurt
and the next leg will take her to North America.
She asked me if I took my vitamins this morning. <grin> She takes a
personal and a *very* active interest in my health. We're aiming for
"until death do us part", and we both want to put that off as *long*
as possible.
So, the wife may be away, but we are still very much together...
although at the moment it's at long distance. Actually (and I've told
the details here before) we *started* our relationship via very long
distance communication. So it's something we're pretty good at.
rj
Rambler
Oh gawd ... I remember that post. Definitely been here too long.
Rambler
rj
(smile)
Yeah... It would be easy. And I'll bet that most of the regulars here
can make some pretty accurate guesses as to what some of the reasons
were for the failure of Bill's marriage.
But delving into those reasons wouldn't be easy for Bill... It would
be *highly* painful for Bill... If Bill were to really take a close
and objective look at his own soul, he would not like what he found
there at all. And, I'd guess, that this is one of the reasons that he
starts getting both really angry and really offensive when people
start coming *too* close to the actual reality of his life. It's a
reality that he prefers to deny and ignore.
Bill really is unhappy. And he really does have problems... problems
that are *very* deep-seated. In many ways, I suspect that he's as
disturbed and unhappy as the other, more notorious, trolls around
here.
AI Bill and Raytardo are brothers under the skin. I'm sad for both of
them.
rj
rj
>
> Bill don't you remember your mother or someone from back in the 50's telling
> you that if you act like a person who does something you don't like, that it
> makes you just as bad as they are? So it isn't alright to call someone
> names just because they called you one. (Wisdom I learned from my
> grandmother)
>
> And ok, I shouldn't have laughed when rj told you to FO, but I thought it
> was pretty out of character for him and it made me giggle.
>
> Be nice boys!!
>
> Lori Mc
<grin>
Yes Ma'am!
Sorry, Ma'am!
Probably I should have put a smiley or something there when I used
that "FO". The truth is, I really wasn't upset or anything. I'm just
tired of trying to communicate with AI, so I don't intend to do it any
more... at least for a good long while. Maybe never.
<grin>
And as far as a little ol' FO goes... well that ain't nuttin'. I've
spent most of my adult life in the oilfield, a lot of it in direct
contact with some of the most creatively profane people in the known
universe.
One of the most enjoyable couple of hours of my life (at work) that I
can remember was spent sitting around a landing pad in the middle of
the Siberian taiga waiting for a helicopter to show up and take us
back to town. There was myself, my translator and two Brits who were
working for a subcontractor. The translator was Russian, and his
English was quite good. But he really wasn't at all adequate in his
useage of English profanity. He just could *not* do it right. <grin>
So these two Brits (one in particular) spent the entire couple of
hours trying to teach this Russian how to swear (correctly) in
English. I never stopped laughing the entire time...
rj
Roger B.
Its easy to confuse a date with a L-T relationship. But that
usually doesn't happen until at least the 2d date. [R]
"My Own Doppelganger" wrote...
> Oh sh*t, you DON'T have to marry 'em if you ask them out?!
> Tell that to my 2 previous exes! :-)
>
> "Roger B." <rcblin...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>>If you ask her out, what's the worst that can happen? ...She might
JoelT
You learn to swim. You only surf in waves you can handle and you
gradually gain experience.
Don't eat for at least an hour before you go in. Be very careful of
hypothermia and always wear a wetsuit!
Bill in Co.
There was nothing foul about it. It was factual. If you can't accept
that, that is your problem.
Bill in Co.
And (conveniently left out, I notice): one of the reasons others get so
upset about some of this is that it strikes too close to home for THEM on
some of the issues. Think about it. It is Psych 101. A truly happy
and confident person isn't really bothered or affected by this. You want
an example? Then consider Barb, Paula, and several others in here.
If you are truly at peace *with yourself*, then this is like "water off a
duck's back". Obviously many people in here are NOT at peace with
themselves. Me being a prime example, but at least I have the balls to
admit it, and I don't *pretend* otherwise. I can't stand hypocrits and
"atta Boys" (there are several in here), and you best believe I'll call you
on it.
DrLith
> people who would disagree with me.
>
> I'd say that if you are out there *actively* looking for The Love of
> Your Life (or your "soulmate" or however you want to term it...) then
> there is a pretty good chance that you are *not* personally really
> ready to get into a "Love of Your Life" sort of relationship. That
> sort of conscious search implies a sort of unhappiness with yourself,
> or a neediness, that is likely to preclude the success of any such
> relationship.
>
> But if, OTOH, you're out there just enjoying yourself, widening your
> social horizons, and making new friends... well that's an entirely
> different kettle of fish... In *that* case... when (and if) The Love
> pops up maybe you'll be ready and able to recognize it and handle it.
Well, hell's bells. I composed a thoughtful reply disagreeing with you, but
didn't quite get it finished before it was time to go home from work, so now
it's sitting in my drafts folder and will be until Monday.
Here it goes again (probably more logically organized than the first attempt
anyhow):
I do not think the important parameter is "actively looking for love" vs.
"love just happens." On the one hand, "love just happens" plenty to people
who are unhappy/needy and in no position to make sensible relationship
choices. On the other hand, I don't think that actively looking for love is
a sign of pathological unhappiness/neediness.
Indeed, I think people who are secure, emotionally healthy, and happy still
quite naturally want to share parts of their lives with other human beings.
That's natural, normal, part of being human. Some things (like pizza and
beer) you can share with "just friends." Other things, like sex, your
greatest regrets of the past, your greatest hopes for the future, are best
shared with "special friends."
(Caveat: having realized you were in college the year I was born, I realize
you are officially "an old fart" and probably don't remember that burning
desire to SHARE SEX.)
No--the important parameter is this. Are you sufficiently secure and happy
with yourself that you can be patient and discriminating?
Of course, you are speaking from your experience, and I am speaking from
mine. I've never gone out "looking for love" when I was unhappy and needy.
Still, somehow love seemed to pop up, and I would glom onto whoever stumbled
across my path and showed an interest. I finally got tired of "any port in a
storm" and decided to stop settling for poor choices. That's when I decided
it was time to be more proactive and go out there and look for good
candidates, rather than having to pick "the lesser of N evils" from whatever
stumbled across my path.
Patient and discriminating. That is the key.
rj
wrote:
Yo, DL...
"Patient and discriminating" is indeed the key.
And I suspect that we are not in any significant disagreement on this
issue. In fact we may not even disagree at all. Maybe not even a
little bit.
The point I was trying to make is that if you are indeed emotionally
healthy, happy and secure - and at least partly in consequence of this
you're out there having fun and widening your social horizons - then
you are IN THE POSITION where you've maximized the chances that The
Love of You Life may appear... and that you will be able to recognize
him/her when he/she does appear, and respond in an intelligent and
fruitful way.
If, OTOH, you're cruising the bars or the internet with a shopping
list of "qualities" that you've pre-defined as being your
"soulmate"... if you're looking for this soulmate to "complete" your
life... then you may not be as emotionally healthy, happy and secure
as you think you are. A *lot* of recently divorced/separated people
fall into this category.
If you don't play the Game of Life, then you *can't* win. But if you
really want to have a shot at actually winning, then you'd better
understand the game. Play the odds. You make bets because Life is
always a gamble... but don't stumble around making *stupid* bets...
and when you do bet and lose (and it *will* happen now and then),
understand that if you *still* want to win, then at some point you've
*still* got to belly up again to that table.
So, you're right. Love doesn't just happen. But it's not something
that you can *make* to happen by doing "x, y, and zed". It's
something that *may* happen... and it's *most* likely to happen if you
play the Game of Life intelligently.
When The Love of My Life popped up into *my* life... I was really
*already* happy with my life. And partly because I was happy with my
life, I was at that table, meeting new people, making bets. <grin> I
was betting cautiously, and never *ever* betting the rent money...
that's just the sort of person I am... but I was out there playing the
game. But if I hadn't have been there at the table, actively Playing
the Game and meeting new people .. I would *never* have met her.
rj
PS...
<evil grin>
What's this horse hockey about "I realize you are officially 'an old
fart' and probably don't remember that burning desire to SHARE SEX."?
I'll have you know that I do indeed have a full complement of all the
requisite organs... including the psychological components. <grin>
And they *all* are in good functioning order.
rj
>On Fri, 22 Oct 2004 16:04:24 -0400, "DrLith" <drl...@hotmail.com>
>wrote:
>
PPS..
I just had another thought in re the process of gambling at the Table
of Life. I made a comment about how I "never *ever* betting the rent
money...". And that is true to some extent... I *was* being cautious.
But marriage is no ordinary bet. To me, for it to be *real* marriage,
then you've got to lay down on the table every damned thing that
you've got. Consider this quote from the Book of Common Prayer, often
used in wedding ceremonies:
"With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all
my worldly goods I thee endow"
Now *that* is a truly radical bet. And not one to be made lightly.
When my wife and I walked up to that altar together, we laid on it
everything that we both had. And I mean *everything*... emotionally,
financially, physically and spiritually.
Damn... Even as I'm writing this, I'm actually crying... for the
enormity of it and for the joy of it.
rj
LoriMc
> PPS..
>
> I just had another thought in re the process of gambling at the Table
> of Life. I made a comment about how I "never *ever* betting the rent
> money...". And that is true to some extent... I *was* being cautious.
>
> But marriage is no ordinary bet. To me, for it to be *real* marriage,
> then you've got to lay down on the table every damned thing that
> you've got. Consider this quote from the Book of Common Prayer, often
> used in wedding ceremonies:
>
> "With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all
> my worldly goods I thee endow"
>
> Now *that* is a truly radical bet. And not one to be made lightly.
>
> When my wife and I walked up to that altar together, we laid on it
> everything that we both had. And I mean *everything*... emotionally,
> financially, physically and spiritually.
And the way it is supposed to be..IMO.
>
> Damn... Even as I'm writing this, I'm actually crying... for the
> enormity of it and for the joy of it.
>
> rj
You two are incredibly lucky to have each other. :)
Lori Mc
rj
Well, I gotta admit that right now I'm probably feeling a little more
sappy than usual on this subject. She's made it from Frankfurt to a
place near Mystic, Conn. called Enders Island. She's going to take a
week-long icon painting course there. Unfortunately, her access to
the internet is limited and her cell phone doesn't seem to have
coverage there. Next stage will be for her to head up to Canada to
visit relatives. And then I'll go on leave in mid-November and we'll
converge on Houston.
But lucky we indeed are, and in more than just one way. Personally,
we use the word 'blessed".
rj
Dadzilla
> Needless to say, I'm getting restless. The time alone was good for
Snip...
> Hell, I'm 40 and starting over again. It's probably my self-esteem
Snip...
> What triggered this is that there's a total hottie at work in another
Snip...
How do you know the water is safe? You don't and that's part of the
point of it. You seek change, which has some risk to it. You desire to
share, which carries the possibility of rejection.
Change, with a little luck brings growth, new understandings and
realitys.
Swim in deep waters... good luck.
My Own Doppelganger
around here are semi-oracles. :-)
--------
Jonesy2222
>Needless to say, I'm getting restless. The time alone was good for
>the soul, but I'm now wondering if I should get back in the water.
--------
I feel the same way.. Been divorced over 1 1/2 years now.
:)
Deb
Jonesy2222
>
>As for as the "who would want someone twice divorced?"
-------
Hey I am full figured with five kids (okay one is 19 and on her own now ) but
still.. I feel the same thing.
And yes I am dieting/working out, but yeesh... we are not all perfect right?
Deb2
Bill in Co.
I'm not ready for that journey across the river Styx just yet. Besides
which, I couldn't let this go unanswered.
I never have denied this. Have any of you - for own selves? Nah, of
course not. That would take too much courage.
>> And, I'd guess, that this is one of the reasons that he
>> starts getting both really angry and really offensive when people
>> start coming *too* close to the actual reality of his life. It's a
>> reality that he prefers to deny and ignore.
And (conveniently left out, I notice): One of the reasons some others get
so
upset about some of this is that it strikes too close to home for THEM, on
some of the issues. Think about it. It is Psych 101. A truly happy
and confident person isn't really bothered or affected by this. You want
an example? Then consider Barb, Paula, and a few others in here.
Bill in Co.
Nah, the water is too murky these days.
Barbara Didrichsen
wrote:
[snip]
>Excellent (as usual) advice!
>
>It took me a while to realize what Barb just said so well. Give being
>friends a chance - it's low pressure and fun. The romantic part will
>either happen or not happen, but you don't even know if you want it to.
Responding late -- have I mentioned in another thread that I've been
away ;-))?
First -- thanks, Casey!
Second -- when you're 80 years old, bent over, in a wheelchair and
your lovely locks are no longer brown (blonde?) -- who's gonna love
you?
There comes a time when one person of a couple -- or the other -- can
no longer respond sexually.
There's gotta be some other glue that holds us together, folks. I
maintain that it's freindship -- of the deepest kind.
Barb
protrusion
> your lovely locks are no longer brown (blonde?)
my mother is 81...not bent over, still blonde...very active, very social,
sings and dances on stage....
> -- who's gonna love
> you?
um...who indeed....someone your same age and level of vitality?
>
> There comes a time when one person of a couple -- or the other -- can
> no longer respond sexually.
I wouldn't consider this axiomatic. There MAY come a time, but I certainly
know many "seniors" who have active desires and responses. on the other
hand, pick any two people who have been together every day for a certain
number of years, and most of them are not as hot to trot as they were during
the early days.
>
> There's gotta be some other glue that holds us together, folks. I
> maintain that it's freindship -- of the deepest kind.
often what holds people together is habit, duty, fear,
obligation....poverty....
>
> Barb
>
Barbara Didrichsen
[snip].
>One of the most enjoyable couple of hours of my life (at work) that I
>can remember was spent sitting around a landing pad in the middle of
>the Siberian taiga waiting for a helicopter to show up and take us
>back to town.
OK -- Siberia and Russia are two different things -- I get that!
I just learned today. though. that I might be in Russia for a few days
soon. Anything I shoiuld keep track of culturally, as a woman?
Thanks!
Barb
Barbara Didrichsen
<joeltep...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>The water is never safe, that's what makes it fun.
Yep ;-))
Sometimes, we forget this and have to be reminded.
>You learn to swim. You only surf in waves you can handle and you
>gradually gain experience.
And generally, that involves feeling like you're going to drown. Then
finding out that...you don't.
>Don't eat for at least an hour before you go in. Be very careful of
>hypothermia and always wear a wetsuit!
Dann! Thought I was old enough to finally put those damned wetsuits
behind me!
Barb
Casey
> On Thu, 21 Oct 2004 15:52:37 GMT, JoelT
> <joeltep...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>
> >The water is never safe, that's what makes it fun.
>
> Yep ;-))
It's pretty safe to stand around in a baby wading pool, but it gets
very boring very quickly.
Casey
Robert Grumbine
>
>"YooperBoyka" <cj.don'tw...@no.spam> wrote in message
>news:K7qdnQ4Bcu2...@comcast.com...>> > And finally, of course, The Love of My Life contacted me (via one of
>> > those dating service things)... and *that* one just seemed to take
>> > right off!
>>
>> I took a long drive last night,...helps me think.
>> ...and something popped into my head.
>> What if I were to put up a personal ad that said in effect,
>> "...if you want to know about me, I post in ASD under the
>> name YooperBoyka"
>>
>> Stupid?
>
>Whereya gonna go to post that personal ad? 99.9% of your target audience has
>never heard of Usenet, let alone ASD. We're weirdos, let's face it.
But adorable weirdos ... right?
>If ya wanna find the Love of Your Life, you can't afford to be lazy about
>it. Write up a decent couple of paragraphs about yerself to hook 'em, and be
>prepared to invest more time into some e-mail exchanges, coffee dates, etc.
>etc. etc. while "the rest of the story" (a.k.a., "The Wonder Which Is Yoop")
>unfolds and lands 'em.
>
>DrLith, who was googled by the guy she's dating--eek!
My lady love, very early on, googled after me. It was a
little unsettling. On the other hand, she decided that she
liked my writing voice, which was an important point to her.
So it worked out well for me.
--
Robert Grumbine http://www.radix.net/~bobg/ Science faqs and amateur activities notes and links.
Sagredo (Galileo Galilei) "You present these recondite matters with too much
evidence and ease; this great facility makes them less appreciated than they
would be had they been presented in a more abstruse manner." Two New Sciences
rj
Hi Barb...
I hope this isn't too late, and you've already left. I'm travelling
at the moment, and right now this is coming from Gatwick airport via
google...
<grin>
Not that I actually have anything of real substance I could pass on to
you anyway. Russia has always struck me as being neither more nor
less dangerous than other European countries. And the sort of
precautions you'd take as woman anywhere would be the same ones you'd
want for Russia.
Where are you going and how long will you be there?
If you're going to be on your own, and you've got the time, it
wouldn't hurt to learn how to "read" the Cyrillic alphabet so as to be
able to sound out the signs posted on the streets and in the Metro.
It's really not hard to learn *that* much Russian. I did it during
the course of one trans-atlantic flight, and with a bit of practice it
can be really helpful in getting around in Moscow or St. Petersburg.
Cheers!
rj
PS... Siberia and Russia aren't *exactly* two different things.
Siberia is the eastern part of what is now Russia.
rj
Barb...
And I would maintain that friendship... of the deepest kind... is
love. (Or something very akin to it.)
rj
rj
LOL..
As I've described before, The Love of My Life is the one who contacted
me first.
Nothing like a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to look
around for it...
rj
Barbara Didrichsen
[snip]
>Not that I actually have anything of real substance I could pass on to
>you anyway. Russia has always struck me as being neither more nor
>less dangerous than other European countries. And the sort of
>precautions you'd take as woman anywhere would be the same ones you'd
>want for Russia.
>
>Where are you going and how long will you be there?
Well, since I wrote this, Istanbul and Warsaw have been added ;-))
It looks like sometime in mid-December, I'll be travelling for about a
week to Moscow, Istanbul and Warsaw -- in what order, I'm not sure.
I'll probably only spend 1 day and 1 night in each place (and maybe
not even a night in each place).
I'll be travelling with one other person (a man) and I will have
colleagues on the ground in all 3 places so it's not like I'm
travelling blind.
I've never been to any of these countries, and I'm excited that I'll
have at least a limited exposure to them. Any tips from those who've
spent time there appreciated!
Barb
rj
Well... I've never been to Warsaw, and I've only changed planes a
couple of times in Istanbul. But Moscow I've seen quite a bit of,
even though it's been a few years ago, now.
You will, of course, see Red Square. <grin> *Everyone* sees Red
Square, along with St. Basil's, the Kremlin and Lenin's tomb, which
are all right there alongside Red Square.
My very best memory of Red Square comes is one that doesn't show up in
the guidebooks. On night, *very* late, I was in Red Square with a
couple of friends. Don't remember the circumstances... probably we'd
been out to dinner and then done a bit of bar-hopping. Anyway, it was
like 2 or 3 AM... and almost all of the tourists were gone. Only a
few others besides ourselves wandering around.
Anyhow, it turned out that, apparently, Red Square gets cleaned... at
about 2AM. We saw a couple of water trucks with high-pressure pumps
show up and start hosing the day's accumulated garbage into the
sewers. <grin> And the *operators* of those trucks seemed to almost
go out of their way to try to hose down the tourists, too. <grin>
I'll bet they were *really* having fun... They missed me, but there
were some who were caught...
rj
protrusion
Barbara Didrichsen <barb...@yahooremove.com> wrote in message
news:1g74o0tp10l0qlcs4...@4ax.com...
Bill in Co.
> news:1g74o0tp10l0qlcs4...@4ax.com...
> > On 28 Oct 2004 04:35:18 -0700, rjk...@hotmail.com (rj) wrote:
> >
> > >Not that I actually have anything of real substance I could pass on
to
> > >you anyway. Russia has always struck me as being neither more nor
> > >less dangerous than other European countries. And the sort of
> > >precautions you'd take as woman anywhere would be the same ones you'd
> > >want for Russia.
> > >
> > >Where are you going and how long will you be there?
> >
> > Well, since I wrote this, Istanbul and Warsaw have been added ;-))
I wonder how much of the WW II legacy is still visible in Warsaw, if any.
Barbara Didrichsen
wrote:
> god you are lucky Barb. You might be the luckiest person on the planet.
:-))))
Did I mention that I'm going to be in New Zealand for about a week in
January, and then Australia for about 4-5 weeks afterwards? And
possibly some other travel in Asia while anchored in Sydney.
I love to travel.
Barb
Bill in Co.
interested in that world history, but I'm not sure if you're into it, or not
(or will be touring the area for history at all).
rj
The Love of My Life and I will be spending a couple of weeks in New
Zealand in December. South Island... on leave.
rj
Barbara Didrichsen
[snip]
>The Love of My Life and I will be spending a couple of weeks in New
>Zealand in December. South Island... on leave.
I'll be on the North Island, staying on a wine estate (my best mate's
brother owns a vineyard and produces wonderful wines and organic fruit
juices -- as well as the best Balsamic vinegar I've ever tasted). I'm
meeting him there, then flying to Australia (where I've been before)
and staying there for several weeks. Hate to go all that distance and
not make it a good, long visit. And my boss is willing to let me work
from the office near Sydney (and they're willing to put me up!)
The long plane ride is a bummer, but it's not like I didn't have to do
it before, while living in Asia.
Barb
Barbara Didrichsen
<surly11c...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>I was serious, Barb. When you get back, can you let me know? I am
>interested in that world history, but I'm not sure if you're into it, or not
>(or will be touring the area for history at all).
[snip]
Happy to, Bill. Although the whole thing is not pinned down yet and
may not come off -- we'll see. Chances are I truly won't have any
time to do much sightseeing, but I'll cram in whatever I can between
dashing off to the next location. And like you -- I'm interested in
historical stuff.
Barb
rj
We're hoping for a really *good* relaxing time in NZ. We've never
been there before, but the place sounds great by all reports.
There's another place The Love and I have been that we really like.
It's Slovenia. Both times in Slovenia, we've stayed in Bled, which is
a small little (relatively undeveloped) resort town. It's located
just by the Julian Alps, and the area is a lot like Austria... only
lots less expensive. The entire area is full of scenes that are
suitable for picture postcards. <grin> On several occasions, I got
the feeling that we'd wandered onto a set for a remake of "The Sound
of Music".
Bled itself is situatated on a small lake. The lake has an island
with an old church on it. And there's a cliff above the lake with an
old castle. We both love the place... last time there (June this
year) we spent a month in between contracts. Spent the time hiking
and eating good food and drinking good wine and hiking and eating good
food and drinking good wine and... on rainy days we just sat at home
and read.
rj