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spring golden apple award (spoilered)

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H*zy (a)

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Mar 21, 2006, 5:47:52 AM3/21/06
to
This golden apple award post is spoilered for possibly upsetting news.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

"Cherish apples don't grow on trees, they grow in hearts."

"My purpose is to encourage everyone to keep on struggling to make it
through another month and to remember those who didn't."



^ ^
/| \ / \
/ | \ / /
\\|/ / | /
\| / | /
\/ |/
\ /
\ /
y
~~_('` ) `'-._, ~~
, ' ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` .
, .
/ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ \
* *
* ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ *
* ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ *
* * Cherish * *
* ~^~ ~ Golden ~ Apple ~ Award ~ ~^~ *
* ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ *
* *
* has been bestowed on *
* * Cherish * *
* for living to *
* the 21th day of september 2005 *
* with love, from *
* ~ ~ asd ~ ~ *
* *
* ~ ~ ~ ~ *
* ~ ~ ~ *
http://www.geocities.com/cherish_institute/
{a b c d e f f h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z}
published at asd


(best viewed in fixed pitch fond)

astri

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Mar 21, 2006, 11:39:25 AM3/21/06
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oh, my.

can you tell us what happened?

-- astri

======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================

Nahanton

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Mar 21, 2006, 12:13:49 PM3/21/06
to
On 2006-03-21 05:47:52 -0500, secretary_che...@hccnet.nl
(H*zy (a)) said:

Cherish's apples were so looked forward to. I've missed them. I've
often wondered about her/them. Can you give us anymore information??
Sadly missed.

Nahanton


Jill

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Mar 21, 2006, 7:36:00 PM3/21/06
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No! Did I read this incorrectly? ACK

Gotta go find out more info...

Rainbow Colors (Jill)

In article <15830$441fd9da$9117fe9b$32...@news2.tudelft.nl>,


--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org

luthe

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Mar 22, 2006, 12:16:46 AM3/22/06
to
So many emotions to try to express. Glad to see H*zy(a) posting, miss her.
Miss my good friend cherish. Sad that we haven't heard from cherish in
forever. Sad that we haven't heard from way too many of our asd friends
for a very long time. Scared at the implications of the parent post. Hope-
ful that we're all misreading it.

--
For more information about this posting service, contact:
he...@asarian-host.net -- for all info about our server.
If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page:

https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi

H*zy (a)

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Mar 22, 2006, 5:20:20 AM3/22/06
to
Hello Jill,

If you want I can send you some more info by email. I don't think
Cherish would have appreciated posting about what had happened because
it may be identifying.

Take care,
~Hzy~

ps, by lurking lately I saw you had a 'frig' party going on at your
house. It reminded me so much of jello party :-)

Tabkey

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Mar 22, 2006, 6:15:50 AM3/22/06
to
I typed the whole message and Google' server gave an error ...

I am reading something into these messages which I don't think I want
to read (makes my heart take a leap), which results in a big WHY ...
pls elaborate and clear the air ...

Luthe ... <waves>

I remember my first Apple, think it was way back in 1994 / 1995 ....
was sooo cool, really made me want to hang in there and carry one ....

:-/

rainstar

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Mar 22, 2006, 9:34:00 AM3/22/06
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:(

Golden Apple Awards were so encouraging when she used to post them. I
often thought of her after they weren't posted anymore.

Can you give us any info that wouldn't be identifying? :(

very sad...

rainstar

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For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact:

H*zy (a)

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Mar 22, 2006, 4:52:39 PM3/22/06
to
hi rainstar,

It was an accident.

also for me the apples were so important. I helped cherish sending the
apples every month. She would send them to the twwells anon addresses
and I would send them to the non-anon addresses, with her addy as from
address. That way they would have european headers so they wouldn't be
identifying for her.

Thank you for expressing your appriciation for them.

~hzy~


On Wed, 22 Mar 2006 14:34:00 GMT, rainstar <rain...@asarian-host.net>
wrote:

Tabkey

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Mar 23, 2006, 12:27:10 AM3/23/06
to
H*zy,

Is she okay or not with us anymore?

Pls tell me.

A

michaela

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Mar 23, 2006, 2:54:03 PM3/23/06
to

Sounds like Cherish was a big asset to this group. What is a Cherish
Apple?
Sorry for everyone grieving the loss....:(
>
> Nahanton

luthe

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Mar 23, 2006, 6:43:20 PM3/23/06
to
Michaela wrote:

> Sounds like Cherish was a big asset to this group. What is a Cher-
> ish Apple?

It was how cherish, in an absolutely charming and nonthreatening way, ex-
pressed her love for all of her friends at asd.

I will miss her.

Luthe

--
For more information about this posting service, contact:

luthe

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Mar 23, 2006, 7:51:43 PM3/23/06
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Sorry, Michaela, I didn't mean to end like that.

Cherish used to send out apple awards to people here at asd. They
looked like, and sounded quite a bit like H*zy's post. In fact H*zy's
memorial for cherish was a beautiful and inspired tribute to Cherish
and her apples.

If you'd like to see one of her awards you can find them on groups.-
google.com. Just search for "cherish" and "apple" and "alt.support.disso-
ciation" and limit your search to 1996 thru 2001.

Catkejan

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Mar 23, 2006, 11:54:36 PM3/23/06
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"Tabkey" <tab...@telkomsa.net> writes:

Us, too, please? Sorry, we want to be sure.

jp

H*zy (a)

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Mar 24, 2006, 5:51:08 AM3/24/06
to
Hello,

A few weeks ago I got a letter from her husband, confirming what I
already knew. She is somewhere else (I am convinced of).

I thought the people at asd had a right to know, too.

take good care,
~h*zy~

Jill

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Mar 24, 2006, 11:25:54 AM3/24/06
to
Thanks but astri sent me email. Tell cherish's SO we are thinking
of him and missing her.

Rainbow Colors (Jill)

In article <aef97$442124ec$9117fe9b$15...@news1.tudelft.nl>,

Jill

unread,
Mar 24, 2006, 11:28:07 AM3/24/06
to
Heavily spoilered so I can take the mystery away (without revealing
indentity of course) cause to me not knowing is way worse than
knowing...

original below is spoiler space...

In article <1143026150.1...@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>,

cherish di*d. :(

Rainbow Colors (Jill)

Tabkey

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Mar 24, 2006, 12:05:43 PM3/24/06
to
Ditto ...

Message has been deleted

come...@gmail.com

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Mar 29, 2006, 8:44:50 PM3/29/06
to
we are sad this is so. we saw the apple and thought it maybe was her
coming back. she did talk with us for some time about trigger words and
stuff but then we drifted off. she was very special and had an
especially gentle heart. so we think anyway. peace to her and hers.
alla us

2creus

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Mar 30, 2006, 6:14:40 PM3/30/06
to
She will be missed. :~(

I have some of her apples saved and have missed them. I had hoped this was
her coming back. Thank you for letting the group know. greatest sympathies
go out to her family and those who loved her. She seemed like such a sweet
person.

linda
2creus

In article <15830$441fd9da$9117fe9b$32...@news2.tudelft.nl>,

paula...@gmail.com

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Sep 21, 2019, 4:13:52 PM9/21/19
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I miss cherish ):
h*zy (a)

Just Me

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Sep 27, 2019, 4:16:08 PM9/27/19
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Me too. I miss lots of people.

Thank you for posting the apple.

In article <3d4ba42d-ae11-46bc...@googlegroups.com>,

Queequeg

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Sep 30, 2019, 5:42:13 AM9/30/19
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Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> Me too. I miss lots of people.

I don't, because I wasn't around when the group was active and didn't get
to know them, but I miss how Usenet looked like these ten, fifteen years
ago. I didn't have a clue about dissociation back then, but there were
other groups I frequented, which were full of people. I still subscribe
them, but I feel like an old, forgotten, cementary ghost, not realizing
that some things are forever over...

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Just Me

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Sep 30, 2019, 12:56:57 PM9/30/19
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In article <edbc4b54-9f36-453d...@trust.no1>,
This group was active and...dramatic at times.

There wasn't a lot of spam (or my newsreader filtered it well) and not a
lot of trolls, but there were some very strong personalities. Some that
were always up for an argument. Some that were always sweet. Some people
had different accounts for different insiders, and some used the same
account but it was often clear who was writing. There were "rules" that
were posted regularly and Faqs and people were pretty good about
honoring those rules, to keep other people as safe as they could. This
was a pretty safe place considering it was a public group on the
internet. People got into heated discussions and arguments but everyone
was still welcome. Like an extended family with a large mix of
personalities. There were also random online parties at times, which got
very creative. And other light stuff like artwork, and sometimes awards.
It was always interesting here :)

And this worked so well as an unmoderated group. There were very little
politics because no one was higher than anyone else. There was no person
or clique who had any authority or power to hold over anyone else. If
this had been moderated I think there would have been a very different
dynamic. Probably a lot more fear about whether or not it was ok to talk
about certain things. It was ok to talk about pretty much anything here,
as long as you followed rules to keep other people safe if they didn't
want to read or get triggered by stuff. Basically you needed to be aware
of common triggers and spl*t or spoiler properly. Other than that you
could talk about pretty much anything.

It was often very supportive here, but sometimes I think what was most
supportive was people understanding and relating to what other people
were going through. Even if they didn't know what to do about it, they
still understood, and sometimes that's a lot. I think that's what I miss
the most and maybe its what other people miss too. A place where we're
more understood.

Outside of here, when people talk about things, I think to myself "I
understand that... kind of..." But here, when people talked about
things, I'd think "OMG ME TOO!" I've never found another place online or
in real life where I felt understood, or where I felt like I related
other people's experiences as well.

I miss this group, and groups like this. Even though I don't check here
often anymore. I hope some part of it always stays.

Queequeg

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Oct 1, 2019, 12:18:33 PM10/1/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> There wasn't a lot of spam (or my newsreader filtered it well) and not a
> lot of trolls, but there were some very strong personalities. Some that
> were always up for an argument. Some that were always sweet. Some people
> had different accounts for different insiders, and some used the same
> account but it was often clear who was writing.

At least on Usenet it's allowed... Facebook, with its nameism, makes it so
much harder.

> There were "rules" that were posted regularly and Faqs and people were
> pretty good about honoring those rules, to keep other people as safe as
> they could. This was a pretty safe place considering it was a public
> group on the internet. People got into heated discussions and arguments
> but everyone was still welcome. Like an extended family with a large mix
> of personalities. There were also random online parties at times, which
> got very creative. And other light stuff like artwork, and sometimes
> awards. It was always interesting here :)

So... a whole community built around this group :) I know the feeling, I
had such groups too. I tried to reach out to some people from the past,
but they all seem to have moved on...

> And this worked so well as an unmoderated group. There were very little
> politics because no one was higher than anyone else. There was no person
> or clique who had any authority or power to hold over anyone else. If
> this had been moderated I think there would have been a very different
> dynamic.

Moderated groups weren't as attractive as unmoderated ones back then.
Probably many people wouldn't post if they knew that someone will have to
approve or reject their articles, and the slow speed of moderation would
kill the discussion anyway.

> Probably a lot more fear about whether or not it was ok to talk
> about certain things. It was ok to talk about pretty much anything here,
> as long as you followed rules to keep other people safe if they didn't
> want to read or get triggered by stuff. Basically you needed to be aware
> of common triggers and spl*t or spoiler properly. Other than that you
> could talk about pretty much anything.

Yeah, triggers are a real thing for dissociated ones.

> It was often very supportive here, but sometimes I think what was most
> supportive was people understanding and relating to what other people
> were going through. Even if they didn't know what to do about it, they
> still understood, and sometimes that's a lot. I think that's what I miss
> the most and maybe its what other people miss too. A place where we're
> more understood.
>
> Outside of here, when people talk about things, I think to myself "I
> understand that... kind of..." But here, when people talked about
> things, I'd think "OMG ME TOO!" I've never found another place online or
> in real life where I felt understood, or where I felt like I related
> other people's experiences as well.

Wow. So you just found your online family. Do you have any contact with
other posters from that time?

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Just Me

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Oct 1, 2019, 2:46:10 PM10/1/19
to
In article <b81f8989-c97a-47cb...@trust.no1>,
quee...@trust.no1 (Queequeg) wrote:

> Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>
> > There wasn't a lot of spam (or my newsreader filtered it well) and not a
> > lot of trolls, but there were some very strong personalities. Some that
> > were always up for an argument. Some that were always sweet. Some people
> > had different accounts for different insiders, and some used the same
> > account but it was often clear who was writing.
>
> At least on Usenet it's allowed... Facebook, with its nameism, makes it so
> much harder.

Yeah. It's trickier with non-usenet forums. They probably would get
confused by different insiders using the same account, but some may also
frown on one body creating multiple accounts, so that can get tricky
too. Here, who cares ;) People could have one or many accounts. It
wasn't usually done to be deceptive. It's just whatever worked for
someone(s)

>
> > There were "rules" that were posted regularly and Faqs and people were
> > pretty good about honoring those rules, to keep other people as safe as
> > they could. This was a pretty safe place considering it was a public
> > group on the internet. People got into heated discussions and arguments
> > but everyone was still welcome. Like an extended family with a large mix
> > of personalities. There were also random online parties at times, which
> > got very creative. And other light stuff like artwork, and sometimes
> > awards. It was always interesting here :)
>
> So... a whole community built around this group :) I know the feeling, I
> had such groups too. I tried to reach out to some people from the past,
> but they all seem to have moved on...

That's sad, to try to reach out and not have the response you'd hoped. I
hate it when that happens!

This was a good community. I think one of the reasons people moved on
from here is it became easier to use website forums and harder to use
usenet. Not all servers carry usenet groups. Not all newsreaders work
well anymore. Plus lots of former members could be in their 70s or older
now and they (and younger members) might have had changes in their
lives/level of functioning that make coming here difficult. Or
unnecessary if they found other places that suited them.

> > And this worked so well as an unmoderated group. There were very little
> > politics because no one was higher than anyone else. There was no person
> > or clique who had any authority or power to hold over anyone else. If
> > this had been moderated I think there would have been a very different
> > dynamic.
>
> Moderated groups weren't as attractive as unmoderated ones back then.
> Probably many people wouldn't post if they knew that someone will have to
> approve or reject their articles, and the slow speed of moderation would
> kill the discussion anyway.

Right. But even if posts went through right away, just knowing someone
else could later judge what you wrote, and whether or not it was
acceptable, would have likely discouraged people from posting some
stuff, and made people wonder (me too) if "it was ok" to post this or
that. Here, if you weren't sure something was ok, spoiler and splat it
and you were usually ok.

>
> > Probably a lot more fear about whether or not it was ok to talk
> > about certain things. It was ok to talk about pretty much anything here,
> > as long as you followed rules to keep other people safe if they didn't
> > want to read or get triggered by stuff. Basically you needed to be aware
> > of common triggers and spl*t or spoiler properly. Other than that you
> > could talk about pretty much anything.
>
> Yeah, triggers are a real thing for dissociated ones.

Yeah. Huge. I always appreciated people spoiler warnings. "Spoilered for
talk about [whatever they were going to talk about below the spoiler]"
That helped me a lot.

>
> > It was often very supportive here, but sometimes I think what was most
> > supportive was people understanding and relating to what other people
> > were going through. Even if they didn't know what to do about it, they
> > still understood, and sometimes that's a lot. I think that's what I miss
> > the most and maybe its what other people miss too. A place where we're
> > more understood.
> >
> > Outside of here, when people talk about things, I think to myself "I
> > understand that... kind of..." But here, when people talked about
> > things, I'd think "OMG ME TOO!" I've never found another place online or
> > in real life where I felt understood, or where I felt like I related
> > other people's experiences as well.
>
> Wow. So you just found your online family. Do you have any contact with
> other posters from that time?

One :) *waves* :)

Other than that just some familiar names that pop in here sometimes.

Were you able to contact and stay in touch with anyone from your old
communities?

Queequeg

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Oct 2, 2019, 4:58:29 AM10/2/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> Yeah. It's trickier with non-usenet forums. They probably would get
> confused by different insiders using the same account, but some may also
> frown on one body creating multiple accounts, so that can get tricky
> too. Here, who cares ;) People could have one or many accounts. It
> wasn't usually done to be deceptive. It's just whatever worked for
> someone(s)

Sure. And that's how it should be. Personal freedom instead of... well,
instead of what's prevalent today.

> That's sad, to try to reach out and not have the response you'd hoped. I
> hate it when that happens!

Exactly. People change.

> This was a good community. I think one of the reasons people moved on
> from here is it became easier to use website forums and harder to use
> usenet.

It's true. At least for majority, because for me it's still easier to use
Usenet.

> Not all servers carry usenet groups. Not all newsreaders work well
> anymore. Plus lots of former members could be in their 70s or older now
> and they (and younger members) might have had changes in their
> lives/level of functioning that make coming here difficult. Or
> unnecessary if they found other places that suited them.

True :(

> Yeah. Huge. I always appreciated people spoiler warnings. "Spoilered for
> talk about [whatever they were going to talk about below the spoiler]"
> That helped me a lot.

This practice still exists on Facebook groups about DID.

>> Wow. So you just found your online family. Do you have any contact with
>> other posters from that time?
>
> One :) *waves* :)
>
> Other than that just some familiar names that pop in here sometimes.

I see...

> Were you able to contact and stay in touch with anyone from your old
> communities?

Yes, with some of them. We even met recently with four guys from the good
old days of one (technical) group. I didn't see three of them for 18 years
(the last group meeting was in 2002). I was a teenager back then.

The event wasn't happy, as it was initiated after one of the old posters
died (he was 52, so not very old, but he was ill), but still...

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Just Me

unread,
Oct 2, 2019, 5:09:51 PM10/2/19
to
In article <9b44083d-a6b2-4197...@trust.no1>,
quee...@trust.no1 (Queequeg) wrote:

> Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>
> > I always appreciated people spoiler warnings. "Spoilered for
> > talk about [whatever they were going to talk about below the spoiler]"
> > That helped me a lot.
>
> This practice still exists on Facebook groups about DID.

Maybe some people from here passed through there at some point :)

>
> > Were you able to contact and stay in touch with anyone from your old
> > communities?
>
> Yes, with some of them. We even met recently with four guys from the good
> old days of one (technical) group. I didn't see three of them for 18 years
> (the last group meeting was in 2002). I was a teenager back then.
>
> The event wasn't happy, as it was initiated after one of the old posters
> died (he was 52, so not very old, but he was ill), but still...

That's too bad. Sorry about your friend. It's nice that some of you got
together in person for that. I almost never meet online people in real
life. I haven't really wanted to. I can only think of one person I
wanted to meet in real life. Other people I met from online were usually
not individuals but maybe a group going to or hosting an event.

I'm glad you were able to see a few people from your old group, even
though it wasn't the best circumstances.

Queequeg

unread,
Oct 3, 2019, 5:11:19 AM10/3/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

>> This practice still exists on Facebook groups about DID.
>
> Maybe some people from here passed through there at some point :)

Maybe :) Communities are not that large.

> That's too bad. Sorry about your friend.

Yeah... he wasn't caring for himself :(

> It's nice that some of you got together in person for that. I almost
> never meet online people in real life. I haven't really wanted to. I can
> only think of one person I wanted to meet in real life. Other people I
> met from online were usually not individuals but maybe a group going to
> or hosting an event.

So you have a separate, real-life life?

There was a time when I soaked into online relationships and met plenty of
people. Well... it didn't change, I have my small community (unfortunately
on Facebook -- unfortunately, because I hate this portal), and we meet
from time to time. Some of these relationships became more real-life
friendships. It all mixed together.

> I'm glad you were able to see a few people from your old group, even
> though it wasn't the best circumstances.

Yes... some of them didn't change at all, and some did get really older.
It's strange if you see a guy who was at the age that you're now, and he
has grey hair.

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Just Me

unread,
Oct 3, 2019, 5:09:30 PM10/3/19
to
In article <d270402e-b8f7-426a...@trust.no1>,
quee...@trust.no1 (Queequeg) wrote:

> Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>

>
> > It's nice that some of you got together in person for that. I almost
> > never meet online people in real life. I haven't really wanted to. I can
> > only think of one person I wanted to meet in real life. Other people I
> > met from online were usually not individuals but maybe a group going to
> > or hosting an event.
>
> So you have a separate, real-life life?

Oh no, definitely not! LOL! (I'm still laughing. Definitely not!) But I
had times in the past when I wanted to learn about something and there
might be a get together or meeting nearby, so I'd join a forum to
participate in that. My point was just that unless I joined an online
forum with the intent to participate in some kind of "real life" thing,
I didn't usually expect or have a desire to meet people from online in
real life. I joined very few online forums.

>
> There was a time when I soaked into online relationships and met plenty of
> people. Well... it didn't change, I have my small community (unfortunately
> on Facebook -- unfortunately, because I hate this portal), and we meet
> from time to time. Some of these relationships became more real-life
> friendships. It all mixed together.

That sounds really nice :) It's great that you've found good communities.

>
> > I'm glad you were able to see a few people from your old group, even
> > though it wasn't the best circumstances.
>
> Yes... some of them didn't change at all, and some did get really older.
> It's strange if you see a guy who was at the age that you're now, and he
> has grey hair.

Wait until they start getting forgetful too. That's really weird!

brokenc...@gmail.com

unread,
Oct 6, 2019, 9:47:02 PM10/6/19
to
I'm sorry that I never got to "meet" Cherish here. The apple awards sound wonderful! Apples have a lot of meaning for me, as some of my very best memories are from picking crisp apples in the early fall. I can still smell the sweet apples in the crisp mountain air above Charlottesville. A good way to remember someone who seems to have touched a lot of lives. -BC

Queequeg

unread,
Oct 7, 2019, 7:54:39 AM10/7/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

>> So you have a separate, real-life life?
>
> Oh no, definitely not! LOL! (I'm still laughing. Definitely not!) But I
> had times in the past when I wanted to learn about something and there
> might be a get together or meeting nearby, so I'd join a forum to
> participate in that. My point was just that unless I joined an online
> forum with the intent to participate in some kind of "real life" thing,
> I didn't usually expect or have a desire to meet people from online in
> real life. I joined very few online forums.

I see. Well, for me it's very dynamic. Usually I (try to) go to the
meet-ups. It depends on how I feel, because it's tough when I'm more
prone to dissociation and flashbacks...

Every meetup is a struggle.

> That sounds really nice :) It's great that you've found good communities.

Yeah :) We'll meet this Saturday, and the next one too. I hope I'll feel
well enough to attend (well, I'm an organizer, so I should)...

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Just Me

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Oct 10, 2019, 9:53:20 PM10/10/19
to
In article <2916ae37-a404-4c03...@googlegroups.com>,
It's so impressive to me that there are people who found this group
later, when usenet was harder to use and find! I'm glad you all found it
at any time :)

I went apple picking a few times as a child with school or group trips.
I wish I could do that again. And I wish it was easier to get to and
from and didn't have to be a whole day trip.

It sounds like you had apples nearby, which sounds wonderful.

Just Me

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Oct 10, 2019, 9:56:34 PM10/10/19
to
In article <50980fb9-1dad-49be...@trust.no1>,
quee...@trust.no1 (Queequeg) wrote:

> Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>
> >> So you have a separate, real-life life?
> >
> > Oh no, definitely not! LOL! (I'm still laughing. Definitely not!) But I
> > had times in the past when I wanted to learn about something and there
> > might be a get together or meeting nearby, so I'd join a forum to
> > participate in that. My point was just that unless I joined an online
> > forum with the intent to participate in some kind of "real life" thing,
> > I didn't usually expect or have a desire to meet people from online in
> > real life. I joined very few online forums.
>
> I see. Well, for me it's very dynamic. Usually I (try to) go to the
> meet-ups. It depends on how I feel, because it's tough when I'm more
> prone to dissociation and flashbacks...

Yes! I wish I knew what made that worse at times. Sometimes I know
exactly what's making things worse. Some days it's better or worse and
I'm not sure why.

>
> Every meetup is a struggle.
>
> > That sounds really nice :) It's great that you've found good communities.
>
> Yeah :) We'll meet this Saturday, and the next one too. I hope I'll feel
> well enough to attend

I hope you do too.

> (well, I'm an organizer, so I should)...

Probably ;)

brokenc...@gmail.com

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Oct 24, 2019, 10:14:10 PM10/24/19
to
I understand :) the older we get the harder it becomes to travel a day or more to just go out and be free. My go-to solution these days is to take my son on a half hour trip out of town to a local farm store. A gallon of apple cider, some homemade ice cream, and maybe some jars of preserves. If he gets ice cream, he will run to the fence alongside the pasture and thank the cows. A little peace and sanity to calm the constant roar in my head

Queequeg

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Oct 25, 2019, 9:18:42 AM10/25/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> It's so impressive to me that there are people who found this group
> later, when usenet was harder to use and find! I'm glad you all found it
> at any time :)

Yeah... well, I'm on Usenet for 20 years, just not on DID group(s)... and
with different name :)

I got diagnosed with DDNOS only recently (three-four years ago).

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Queequeg

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Oct 25, 2019, 9:20:51 AM10/25/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> Yes! I wish I knew what made that worse at times. Sometimes I know
> exactly what's making things worse. Some days it's better or worse and
> I'm not sure why.

Maybe that's the way it is... with some days better than others, and some
worse...

>> Yeah :) We'll meet this Saturday, and the next one too. I hope I'll feel
>> well enough to attend
>
> I hope you do too.

I attended, but it wasn't easy. Fortunately it was fine after I arrived,
but using public transportation is... uhh. Horrible.

But I woudn't forgive myself if I wasn't able to go.

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Just Me

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Oct 31, 2019, 7:21:11 PM10/31/19
to
In article <128e7ab3-9f37-47da...@trust.no1>,
Public transportation is ok for me sometimes. Depends how crowded it is.
I also hate the wait sometimes, when I'm someplace that has a bus that
comes once an hour or so. Then there's all the stops before it gets to
mine. Then there's connecting to something else that only comes once an
hour. That's a drag too. Otherwise, I don't mind it so much.

I'm glad you got to your event :)

Just Me

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Oct 31, 2019, 7:25:38 PM10/31/19
to
In article <7d4566f0-a8bb-47c1...@trust.no1>,
quee...@trust.no1 (Queequeg) wrote:

> Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>
> > It's so impressive to me that there are people who found this group
> > later, when usenet was harder to use and find! I'm glad you all found it
> > at any time :)
>
> Yeah... well, I'm on Usenet for 20 years, just not on DID group(s)... and
> with different name :)
>
> I got diagnosed with DDNOS only recently (three-four years ago).

Wow. I'm even more impressed that you found this group THAT recently! I
wish there was more information here for you these days. But there's
probably plenty on the web. Actually this wasn't really an informative
group as far as the diagnosis of DID/DDNOS goes. It was more affirming
in a way. With other groups (not for did/ddnos) I'd relate to some of
what people were saying. I thought "yeah me too.. .kind of..." But here
it was like OMG ME TOO!!!!! That was very strange for me. To finally
find a place where I felt like completely related to a lot of people
here. This was what I'd been missing for so many years. This was where I
found people like me.

Just Me

unread,
Oct 31, 2019, 7:27:44 PM10/31/19
to
In article <aaf5f37d-6def-47d6...@googlegroups.com>,
brokenc...@gmail.com wrote:

> I understand :) the older we get the harder it becomes to travel a day or
> more to just go out and be free.

Yes.

> My go-to solution these days is to take my
> son on a half hour trip out of town to a local farm store. A gallon of apple
> cider, some homemade ice cream, and maybe some jars of preserves.

Gosh this sounds good. I want that!

> If he gets
> ice cream, he will run to the fence alongside the pasture and thank the cows.

Ohhh, that's so sweet!

> A little peace and sanity to calm the constant roar in my head

Yes. I can relate. Sounds like a nice day trip to take. I may have to
add that to my "someday I want this in my life" list.

Queequeg

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Nov 8, 2019, 5:50:27 AM11/8/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> Wow. I'm even more impressed that you found this group THAT recently!

Well, Usenet is my second home ;)

> I wish there was more information here for you these days. But there's
> probably plenty on the web.

Yup, I don't suffer from the lack of information. I know the DID Research
website, numerous support groups on Facebook, have read The Haunted Self
and Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation... and am in therapy.

> Actually this wasn't really an informative group as far as the diagnosis
> of DID/DDNOS goes. It was more affirming in a way. With other groups
> (not for did/ddnos) I'd relate to some of what people were saying. I
> thought "yeah me too.. .kind of..." But here it was like OMG ME TOO!!!!!

Wow :)

> That was very strange for me. To finally find a place where I felt like
> completely related to a lot of people here. This was what I'd been
> missing for so many years. This was where I found people like me.

It really sounds magical :)

There aren't many support groups for DDNOS people, I think mostly because
our symptoms aren't as dramatic as in "full DID" and most of sufferers are
mislabelled and treated for disorders they don't have, and never had.

I had two therapists give up on me after several years of therapy. "We
both see that nothing we're trying is working. I hope you'll find someone
who will be able to help you".

Not surprising, given the fact that I was treated for the anxiety neurosis
or social phobia, which I never had. Not knowing anything about DDNOS and
dissociation then, I hinted the previous therapist, saying that sometimes
I just feel like my whole "emotional base" is replaced, but they said
"it's typical for borderline patients and I don't think you have
borderline".

Well, he clearly didn't have a clue about dissociation and (C)PTSD. And
this guy wrote four books about helping children and teens with various
disorders... uhh.

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Queequeg

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Nov 8, 2019, 6:48:31 AM11/8/19
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> Public transportation is ok for me sometimes. Depends how crowded it is.

Yeah, the crowd makes everything worse, but... well, sometimes everything
changes and I start to feel like a child... like an abandoned child, left
alone far away from home, in an unfriendly and hostile environment... so
hopeless... intelectually I'm still 34, but emotionally I regress.

> I'm glad you got to your event :)

Me too. But it's always a struggle. Sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller,
but always a struggle and a fight with myself.

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Just Me

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Jan 8, 2020, 5:17:36 PM1/8/20
to
Did I ever reply to this? I have no idea anymore! Sorry it's taking me
so long if I didn't!

In article <e87ec6eb-057f-4004...@trust.no1>,
quee...@trust.no1 (Queequeg) wrote:

> Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>
> > Wow. I'm even more impressed that you found this group THAT recently!
>
> Well, Usenet is my second home ;)
>
> > I wish there was more information here for you these days. But there's
> > probably plenty on the web.
>
> Yup, I don't suffer from the lack of information. I know the DID Research
> website, numerous support groups on Facebook, have read The Haunted Self
> and Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation... and am in therapy.
>
> > Actually this wasn't really an informative group as far as the diagnosis
> > of DID/DDNOS goes. It was more affirming in a way. With other groups
> > (not for did/ddnos) I'd relate to some of what people were saying. I
> > thought "yeah me too.. .kind of..." But here it was like OMG ME TOO!!!!!
>
> Wow :)
>
> > That was very strange for me. To finally find a place where I felt like
> > completely related to a lot of people here. This was what I'd been
> > missing for so many years. This was where I found people like me.
>
> It really sounds magical :)
>
> There aren't many support groups for DDNOS people, I think mostly because
> our symptoms aren't as dramatic as in "full DID" and most of sufferers are
> mislabelled and treated for disorders they don't have, and never had.

YES!!! That was a big problem for me.

>
> I had two therapists give up on me after several years of therapy.

Only 2? ;)

> "We
> both see that nothing we're trying is working. I hope you'll find someone
> who will be able to help you".

I also like "You should trust me by now". Um Nope.

>
> Not surprising, given the fact that I was treated for the anxiety neurosis
> or social phobia, which I never had. Not knowing anything about DDNOS and
> dissociation then, I hinted the previous therapist, saying that sometimes
> I just feel like my whole "emotional base" is replaced, but they said
> "it's typical for borderline patients and I don't think you have
> borderline".
>
> Well, he clearly didn't have a clue about dissociation and (C)PTSD. And
> this guy wrote four books about helping children and teens with various
> disorders... uhh.

Wow.

I never quite fit the criteria for MPD/DID, so I didn't know what I had.
I knew I wasn't ps*ch*t*c. When a therapist mentioned dissociation, I
had never heard of that. I'd only heard of MPD not DID. I looked it up,
found out that it was on a continuum, DEFINITELY fit the criteria for
DDNOS (and sometimes DID at my worst times) and eureka! I had a
diagnosis! The therapist even sent me to a specialist to confirm the
diagnosis and they said "Yup!" - That was a very strange session.
Someone who actually knew how to talk to us - better than WE knew how to
talk to us! That specialist also made us uncomfortable, but she was
definitely knowledgeable.

I still hope to find a therapist someday who's really good. I haven't
found one yet.

Just Me

unread,
Jan 8, 2020, 5:19:57 PM1/8/20
to
In article <4284a94c-8a95-4e5a...@trust.no1>,
quee...@trust.no1 (Queequeg) wrote:

> Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
>
> > Public transportation is ok for me sometimes. Depends how crowded it is.
>
> Yeah, the crowd makes everything worse, but... well, sometimes everything
> changes and I start to feel like a child... like an abandoned child, left
> alone far away from home, in an unfriendly and hostile environment... so
> hopeless... intelectually I'm still 34, but emotionally I regress.

That sounds scary and sad.

I just get overwhelmed sometimes and diss. Or fall asleep as everything
inside shuts down. Really not great while on public transportation!
Usually I can tell in advance if it's one of those days so I don't tempt
fate.

>
> > I'm glad you got to your event :)
>
> Me too. But it's always a struggle. Sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller,
> but always a struggle and a fight with myself.

Are you all still getting together?

Just Me

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Jan 8, 2020, 5:23:04 PM1/8/20
to
In article <h2h1bq...@mid.individual.net>,
"a@a.a" <inv...@invalid.invalid> wrote:

> I've been here a longgg time and cherish was before me. Jill was one of the
> main controllers ? of the group.

Jill wasn't officially anything. She's just super friendly and good
about replying to people. And she loves reading. She used to request
that everyone post 10 posts a day so she'd have enough to read!

If there WERE controllers in the group, I'd vote for her :)

> We discussed any and everything that we
> could. Many different theories anout multiples, dimensions n stuff. I was
> a bit of an outcast for a while as I wasn't abused and seemed to be a
> "natural multiple". Still am, no idea why but not so much swictching these
> days. I found it very interesting why I could give control to other parts
> of our mind, we had to learn to walk again, without the "black box" helper
> person. I learnt a lot here, shame it has gone

This was a great group. I'm glad some people are still here, even just
once in a while. But I can't really complain since I'm only here "once
in a while" myself.

Queequeg

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Jan 24, 2020, 7:49:01 AM1/24/20
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

> Did I ever reply to this? I have no idea anymore! Sorry it's taking me
> so long if I didn't!

No problem, I'm not going anywhere ;)

>> There aren't many support groups for DDNOS people, I think mostly because
>> our symptoms aren't as dramatic as in "full DID" and most of sufferers are
>> mislabelled and treated for disorders they don't have, and never had.
>
> YES!!! That was a big problem for me.

I can understand...

>> I had two therapists give up on me after several years of therapy.
>
> Only 2? ;)

Maybe I'm lucky ;)

>> "We both see that nothing we're trying is working. I hope you'll find
>> someone who will be able to help you".
>
> I also like "You should trust me by now". Um Nope.

Yeah. Like it was a conscious decision.

> I never quite fit the criteria for MPD/DID, so I didn't know what I had.

Me too. It might have been different if my symptoms were more clear and
DID-like.

> I knew I wasn't ps*ch*t*c. When a therapist mentioned dissociation, I
> had never heard of that. I'd only heard of MPD not DID. I looked it up,
> found out that it was on a continuum, DEFINITELY fit the criteria for
> DDNOS (and sometimes DID at my worst times) and eureka! I had a
> diagnosis!

The way you describe it, it sounds simple... but I know it's a loooong
road.

> The therapist even sent me to a specialist to confirm the diagnosis and
> they said "Yup!" - That was a very strange session. Someone who actually
> knew how to talk to us - better than WE knew how to talk to us!

That's how I feel with my current therapist. At least most of the time.

> I still hope to find a therapist someday who's really good. I haven't
> found one yet.

Good luck!

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

Queequeg

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Jan 24, 2020, 7:54:51 AM1/24/20
to
Just Me <nos...@nospam.com> wrote:

>> Yeah, the crowd makes everything worse, but... well, sometimes everything
>> changes and I start to feel like a child... like an abandoned child, left
>> alone far away from home, in an unfriendly and hostile environment... so
>> hopeless... intelectually I'm still 34, but emotionally I regress.
>
> That sounds scary and sad.

It is so :(

> I just get overwhelmed sometimes and diss. Or fall asleep as everything
> inside shuts down. Really not great while on public transportation!
> Usually I can tell in advance if it's one of those days so I don't tempt
> fate.

Yes, it's important to know your limits at the moment. Unfortunately
sometimes we don't have a choice...

>> > I'm glad you got to your event :)
>>
>> Me too. But it's always a struggle. Sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller,
>> but always a struggle and a fight with myself.
>
> Are you all still getting together?

Sometimes...

--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lSzL1DqQn0

tabk...@gmail.com

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Jul 4, 2020, 5:32:20 PM7/4/20
to
Oh wow, are these still going?

no...@gmail.com

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Jul 5, 2020, 12:05:13 PM7/5/20
to
Op 4-7-2020 om 23:32 schreef tabk...@gmail.com:
> Oh wow, are these still going?
>
NG is almost deserted very few of us still lurking in the muddy shade of
the past.

Ursus

Tabkey

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Jul 6, 2020, 4:50:55 AM7/6/20
to
Oih, that is sad. Sooo many beautiful peoples that has been on this group. Thank you for responding
0 new messages