Can I help?? - Ask the Singleton
je...@nospamop.net
I'll be the singleton (like I have a choice) and you can ask me how we
see things. If you feel ok with it, I can ask you how you see things.
While communicating, maybe we can all get a better understanding of
how the `other side' thinks.
Want to know what your SO might think of an idea or DID in general?
Ask the Singleton.
Want to see things from the perspective of someone with SPD?
Ask the Singleton.
Thinking of coloring instead of working or doing something that will
freak out your SO and wondering what he or she might think?
Ask the Singleton.
And if you're not comfortable with me, I'll go away.
Mandykins
je...@NOSPAMop.net wrote:
> I know... we can start an online service called "Ask the Singleton."
> I'll be the singleton (like I have a choice) and you can ask me how we
> see things. If you feel ok with it, I can ask you how you see things.
LOL! You are so cute JeffV! I'm fine with anything ... *grin*
> While communicating, maybe we can all get a better understanding of
> how the `other side' thinks.
That would be something. I know Steve has been wanting some of this in
general ... how to deal with all the little sh*t that we unintentionally put
him through ... there aren't many resources for folks like you ... (yeah, he
joined the list you mentioned ... but I think he needs more ... )
> Want to know what your SO might think of an idea or DID in general?
> Ask the Singleton.
LOL! [Rest of funny stuff snipped ... ]
> Thinking of coloring instead of working or doing something that will
> freak out your SO and wondering what he or she might think?
> Ask the Singleton.
Well, I suppose I know the answer to this myself ... but ... just in case it
isn't what I think it will be ... think the husband would get really upset if
I took off for the weekend to have some fun? I mean, he is a great guy and
we are friends and all .... but honest to g*d, I'm just not this homebody
type ... the kids ... the house ... ACH! Not me ... not me ... I want to get
back to my old life .... I never wanted to have kids and live in the burbs
and all ... used to have fun in the old days ... *sigh*
Geez ... already I'm hearing it for even asking .... yes Jen .. no Jen ...yes
...I know .... *sigh*
Never mind Jeffy .... :)
--E
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
YeaMyPC
You are very funny! Please go for it! Sounds like a winner. I'm sure my
SO would love to check it out nd post.
Debbie
PS
Thanks for the vote for little debbie
That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence
inside you that makes you want to believe that there still
exists a right and wrong, that decency will somehow triumph in the
end.
-- Lise Hand
daggett
for it.
BTW is there a newsgroup for SO's?
Carla
YeaMyPC wrote in message <19990303152313...@ng-ch1.aol.com>...
Tess Valerian
Will you tell me please how to explain time to a singleton. I have a
singleton friend who is sympathetic to my multiplicity but doesn't quite
get how it works. I fear that she thinks I am slow and forgetful, just
because she asked me to make a tape for her and it was three months in
singleton time before I did it. In multiple time it was just a couple of
days.
Any advice?
Sincerely,
The Valerian
je...@NOSPAMop.net wrote:
>
> I know... we can start an online service called "Ask the Singleton."
> I'll be the singleton (like I have a choice) and you can ask me how we
> see things. If you feel ok with it, I can ask you how you see things.
>
> While communicating, maybe we can all get a better understanding of
> how the `other side' thinks.
>
> Want to know what your SO might think of an idea or DID in general?
> Ask the Singleton.
>
> Want to see things from the perspective of someone with SPD?
> Ask the Singleton.
>
> Thinking of coloring instead of working or doing something that will
> freak out your SO and wondering what he or she might think?
> Ask the Singleton.
>
1945...@my-dejanews.com
Please do not go away! We need your humour and your monobrain point of view!
You are particularly valuable as you are so well acquainted with your own
special multiple person, not to mention Joey! I like this idea! Jane to whom
you have already been very kind and helpful.
In article <36dd75fe....@news.op.net>,
je...@NOSPAMop.net wrote:
> I know... we can start an online service called "Ask the Singleton."
> I'll be the singleton (like I have a choice) and you can ask me how we
> see things. If you feel ok with it, I can ask you how you see things.
>
> While communicating, maybe we can all get a better understanding of
> how the `other side' thinks.
>
> Want to know what your SO might think of an idea or DID in general?
> Ask the Singleton.
>
> Want to see things from the perspective of someone with SPD?
> Ask the Singleton.
>
> Thinking of coloring instead of working or doing something that will
> freak out your SO and wondering what he or she might think?
> Ask the Singleton.
>
> And if you're not comfortable with me, I'll go away.
>
>
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
PSmith9626
dissociatives.
Not a flame.
best
amy
Andrea
many times and I often find myself looking for that perfect SO that will be
much like Jeff.
I think if you want Jeff to go away... then I will follow him =P
Andrea
--
You may look at my flower and appreciate the beauty of its bloom... when I
look at my flower, I appreciate the petals that allow the flower to blossom
and be what you so admire.
PSmith9626 <psmit...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19990304023645...@ng-fp1.aol.com...
je...@nospamop.net
Glad to hear it!
>Well, I suppose I know the answer to this myself ... but ... just in case it
>isn't what I think it will be ... think the husband would get really upset if
>I took off for the weekend to have some fun?
I dunno - do you?
Does he have abandonment issues? Would there be any reason to think
he'd be upset?
>Geez ... already I'm hearing it for even asking .... yes Jen .. no Jen ...yes
>...I know .... *sigh*
>
>Never mind Jeffy .... :)
You sound like somebody I work with.
je...@nospamop.net
>for it.
>BTW is there a newsgroup for SO's?
Thanks.
I'm not aware of a ng though.
>>Thanks for the vote for little debbie
If it feels good to color, then color.
je...@nospamop.net
>singleton friend who is sympathetic to my multiplicity but doesn't quite
>get how it works. I fear that she thinks I am slow and forgetful, just
>because she asked me to make a tape for her and it was three months in
>singleton time before I did it. In multiple time it was just a couple of
>days.
>
>Any advice?
>
>Sincerely,
>
>The Valerian
Dear Timeless in Valerian,
Simply print out this post and give it to her.
Some singletons just don't understand and have to be reminded.
If that fails, staple it to her forehead :)
je...@nospamop.net
>i thibk jeff, that you should go away. This is a group by dissociatives for
>dissociatives.
> Not a flame.
> best
> amy
Dear Amy,
I found that I could understand my wife a lot better from listening
and talking to other people. I have even been able to help others see
things from a singleton point of view.
But if I am causing trouble, unease, or safety issues, I will go.
Tess Valerian
*ouch*
Then she'd forget being grouchy about the tape for sure :).
The V
deb...@webtv.net
label on theirself.
It's my problem, too many years spent in th trying to get past a
misapplied dx which had me neatly labeled and despite lots of good
people trying to help, had me going no where for years and years.
But I do agree that "The Singleton" is a bit much, my grandchild could
call herself The Singleton what does that mean?
PSmith9626
We will see. My boundary alarms go
off when i see posts called" ask the singleton".
Its like "ask the healthy man"- smacks of superiority, oracle and troll.
Right now jeff is being ok. But, we will see.
Hope i am wrong. Time will tell.
penny
Anyway, i am just one voice among many.
And a scared one who has been around the block.
Notice its "ask THE singleton" not "ask A singleton".
Jeff , not everyone on ASD is a multiple.
And if you really are nice, just chalk this caution up to my fears.
PSmith9626
On the other hand- they seem to understand "amnesia attacks" pretty
well.
It similar to my experiences explaining chemical allergies a few years ago.
Back then, chemical allergies were not well known and greeted with skepticism.
When i said " the fumes from the plastic make me allergic" -nobody
seemed to accept it.
But, when i said " The plastic smells are bad for my asthma " ,everyone
understood and was supportive.
Most people treat new concepts like tabasco sauce and can only take a
drop at a time,once in a while.
best
amy
Rainbow Colors
>On 4 Mar 1999 07:36:45 GMT, psmit...@aol.com (PSmith9626) wrote:
>
>>i thibk jeff, that you should go away. This is a group by dissociatives for
>>dissociatives.
>> Not a flame.
>> best
>> amy
Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion but technically the
FAQ for this group clearly states that this group is for dissociatives
and people who are supportive of this experience (not the exact words
but the meaning is there). So the point of this group is for _anyone_
who wants to learn more about dissociation and is supportive of people
who dissociate. That was the original intent and it is still valid as
far as I can tell. (of course if enough members of this group wanted
to change the FAQ and the point of this group I think it could be
done). I personally believe that Jeff is a terrific addition to this
group and I would be really upset if he left!
My suggestion would be that people who can't/don't like to read
what Jeff (or anyone) posts should filter or killfile these people.
Amy, I'm pretty sure you can figure out how to do this by contacting
aol directly.
Rainbow Colors (Jill, just adding my two cents)
>Dear Amy,
>
>I found that I could understand my wife a lot better from listening
>and talking to other people. I have even been able to help others see
>things from a singleton point of view.
>
>But if I am causing trouble, unease, or safety issues, I will go.
>
>
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@magicno.com
Anthony Thomas
1945...@my-dejanews.com
kind, and is the one who e-mailed me and told me about asd. He understands
about a lot of the things that happen to us, because his wife is
dissociative. He tends to try to deal with life with humour, and that maybe
can scare some people, but I don't think that Jeff wants to scare anyone. I
have found him to be very sensitive to his wife's DID (read his manual for
SOs, I learned a lot about Jeff there,and how caring he is) He knows a lot
about the US health care system, and how to get help for us. Maybe if you
talk to him, he will not seem so scary? You have such a good sense of humour
yourself, and such a huge knowledge about this DId puzzle, that I think you
two could like each other. I like you both, very much, and I don't want you
to be scared. hugs, from Jane
In article <19990304225514...@ng32.aol.com>,
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
Tess Valerian
>
> In article <19990304225514...@ng32.aol.com>, psmit...@aol.com (PSmith9626) wrote:
> > about jeff,
> > We will see. My boundary alarms go
> > off when i see posts called" ask the singleton".
> > Its like "ask the healthy man"- smacks of superiority, oracle and troll.
> > Right now jeff is being ok. But, we will see.
> > Hope i am wrong. Time will tell.
> > penny
>
> who are familiar and supportive enough about dissociation
> to open such an ambitious column. thus, his apparent
> insensitivity around the issue sorta worries me, though
> i have not yet seen anything outright outrageous so far.
>
> jeff, nobody is telling you to go away because you do not
> have did and other forms of clinical dissociation. we
> welcome so's, friends and family members of dissociatives
> just as much! it's not your psychological status, but
> your attitude that worries some people. and, if you have
> not realized this by now, you should probably go.
>
> - ai.
hello penny and ai. tess v here. i'm sorry you're both feeling bad about
jeff's being here :( . i just wanted to offer my perspective, fwiw.
i understand how his posts might seem insensitive on the surface. they
might appear disrespectful and arrogant. i see them differently, in the
context and history of his being here. he has been here off and on for a
long time. he didn't come roaring in saying "i'm The Singleton, and i
have all the answers." as i saw it, he came in with respect for did's,
wanting to understand his wife better and wanting to share what he's
learned with/from/about her as an offer of support to us. he has been
here long enough that he feels comfortable here, i think, and feels free
to relate to us with the humor that seems to be second nature to him.
i read his "ask the singleton" post as a tongue-in-cheek expression of
his desire to help despite the fact that he doesn't have all the
answers. i thought it was playful, not condescending. i liked his answer
to us, addressed to "Timeless in Valerian." it was fun, it was parody,
it was a breezy good joke.
jeff's posts make me laugh and feel lighthearted. his presence here
reminds me that it really is possible to find understanding friends "out
there" in rl where most people are singletons, and that it's possible to
keep a sense of humor while living every day with the difficulties of
dissociation.
it makes me sad that both of you feel uncomfortable with jeff to the
point of maybe wanting him to leave. i know how that feels. but it would
make me sad if he left too.
tess v
PSmith9626
As i said, time will tell. If jeff is nice and helpful and fits-
great.
Why isn't his dissociative wife posting?
best
amy
i might learn to be his friend as you said. My distrust isn't written in stone.
But, only time will tell.
As to jokes- its like jokes about people of color, if a white guy (even
if he is married to a
woman of color) tells one, it doesn't work in the same way as if a person of
color tells one to another person of color.
I dont think my illness is a joke.
He might be a great guy ,for all i know. As i said ,i am wary.
Based on experience.
Yeo
I have you a question! answer if ya can ok? I am married to a singleton, I
have told him my dx but he does not seem to want to understand much. last yr
he tried to have us c*mm*t*d against what we wanted i just got dx about 3
month ago, thanks
Little Unicorn
je...@nospamop.net
>off when i see posts called" ask the singleton".
>Its like "ask the healthy man"- smacks of superiority, oracle and troll.
Point noted.
But I see a lot of people here referring to themselves as dissoids and
other things. Some of these people refer to singletons or SPD. I'm
simply adopting what I feel to be a convention.
> Right now jeff is being ok. But, we will see.
> Hope i am wrong. Time will tell.
I'm glad you're willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.
>Notice its "ask THE singleton" not "ask A singleton".
>Jeff , not everyone on ASD is a multiple.
Thank you for pointing this out. Since I've been reading, I don't
remember seeing anyone else identify themselves as such.
>And if you really are nice, just chalk this caution up to my fears.
You've probably been through a lot. It's good to exercise caution.
je...@nospamop.net
>I find it very hard to explain multiple time or lost time to singles.
Oddly enough, I didn't have too much trouble with this concept.
Perhaps you can explain it as different people being out, so that time
isn't linear for you. When A is out, it interrupts B's sense of time,
hence time loss.
deb...@webtv.net
throwing a few of us.
I'm glad for your wife that you've educated yourself about MPD/DID.
I think it's difficult for people to feel like someone who is not
theirself experiecing something, that they know what is really going on.
I.e. tr*ns*exu*l, male, "I feel like a woman, I am a woman." Me- baby
you're body is not going through chemical hormone changes every day for
how many decades, don't tell me you feel like a woman. You think you
know, you think you feel, but women change every day. Your male body is
not doing that. Physiologically it's impossible for you to truly feel
like a woman.
As long as I can see that differentiation in you, that you realize you
are outside looking in and vicariously experiencing MPD/DID I don't have
a problem.
Apparently, the majority who know you find you very sincere and helpful.
So that has to say something positive.
Deborah
YeaMyPC
I just wanted to let you know that I think your posts have been in good
taste and I support your wanting to learn and help. I like your humor and find
it refreshing.
I also know that some of us on this post are sensitive to ones who present
(come across) as better than themselves. I know that you were not trying to do
that by posting as "the Singleton", but sometimes others don't understand that.
When my SO started posting here... he was flamed repeatedly. Even though
he didn't mean the post the way they came across to people on asd, people were
very offended. They asked that he word things in a manner that was less
offensive. This made perfect since to me. I told him that he should respect
the NG wishes. He thought this to be too hard considering he was not trying to
be mean or offensive... just that it happened to be his style of communicating.
He bearly posts here now and I hope that does not happen to you.
Oh by the way... everyone feels differently about all issues. "US"
personally does not have a problem with singletons considering US stands for
"United Singletons".
Smiles
Debbie of US
Anthony Thomas
Tess Valerian wrote:
> arcoiris wrote:
> >
> > In article <19990304225514...@ng32.aol.com>, psmit...@aol.com (PSmith9626) wrote:
> > > about jeff,
> > > We will see. My boundary alarms go
> > > off when i see posts called" ask the singleton".
> > > Its like "ask the healthy man"- smacks of superiority, oracle and troll.
> > > Right now jeff is being ok. But, we will see.
> > > Hope i am wrong. Time will tell.
Queen lil
singleton :) I haven't seen any names I know besides Jill so will re-introduce
myself. My name is Margaret and my SO is Scott. He is a therapist and has
worked with multiples before. We also have several friends who are multiple. We
were offline a couple years because our computer died and we just replaced it.
I had to find the newsgroup first off, then I jumped in to respond to a letter
about the Montel show. Sort of backwards I think, should have re-introduced us
then responded I think. I just was so angry with Montel and was happy to find
agreement from someone else. At any rate, I am a singleton but care very much
about my friends who aren't and that is the main reason I am here. Also, I
want to return to school and specialize in trauma therapy. At some point in
time my husband and I have a dream of establishing a safe haven for trauma
victims.
Margaret
Rainbow Colors
Queen lil <quee...@aol.com> wrote:
>I can see that we have been offline way to long. I had forgotten I was a
>singleton :) I haven't seen any names I know besides Jill so will re-introduce
Forgetting you are a singleton... isn't that a classic sign of
dissociation? *grin*
Yep, I remember you alright :)
>myself. My name is Margaret and my SO is Scott. He is a therapist and has
>worked with multiples before. We also have several friends who are multiple. We
You said it funnier in your other post. You said something like 'some
of my best friends are multiple' I nearly fell off my chair at that
one. :) *ok, for those of you who don't get the joke think of how
a stereotypical racist replies to 'do you like x group?'*
>were offline a couple years because our computer died and we just replaced it.
>I had to find the newsgroup first off, then I jumped in to respond to a letter
>about the Montel show. Sort of backwards I think, should have re-introduced us
>then responded I think. I just was so angry with Montel and was happy to find
Nah, you did fine.
>agreement from someone else. At any rate, I am a singleton but care very much
>about my friends who aren't and that is the main reason I am here. Also, I
>want to return to school and specialize in trauma therapy. At some point in
>time my husband and I have a dream of establishing a safe haven for trauma
>victims.
>
>Margaret
And everyone from asd will fill it up :)
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
Queen lil
>of my best friends are multiple' I nearly fell >off my chair at that one. :)
*ok, for those of >you who don't get the joke think of how
>a stereotypical racist replies to 'do you like x >group?'*
I know I know LOL after I reread that I couldn't believe I said it...I am
attributing it to the fact that it was the middle of the night and I was
tired. It really is true though. Because of this list I met the person who has
become my best friend. We got so close that she actually flew to Chicago from
her home in Africa and spent six weeks with us, then came to our wedding. It
was very brave of her IMHO because she had never even been to America before.
I had spent time with a lot of her alters and was known to them all so they all
knew I was safe. You can't begin to imagine how amazed her littles were to see
such a huge city. I was so proud of them for being so brave, and their
acceptance that things would be fine because I was there was the most wonderful
gift that anyone has ever trusted me with
>>At some point in
>>time my husband and I have a dream of >>establishing a safe haven for trauma
>>victims.
>And everyone from asd will fill it up :)
Seriously now, I can't imagine anything greater than to have you all there
either. Scott (who can sleep anytime anywhere and misses my late night forays)
mentioned how happy I was this morning. I told him that I had finally managed
to find this list again and that Jill was still here.
I don't know how to explain myself really, other than to say that I think my
perception of dissociation is somehow different from most other singletons. I
see it as a sort of ultimate strength and will to live, not as some sort of
disorder. It makes me feel honored to know that person, and hoping that some of
that strength finds its way to me.
I know that it is hard to live your life as a multiple, and I know that the
suffering has been intense. If I could choose a life for anyone, it would be a
safe and happy one...not one that caused a moment's harm to any child. At the
same time you survived it all and you are still here. That is a great
acheivement in my opinion. One that most people never have to face. Sharing
time with all of you never ceases to teach me something, and I am a better
person for knowing you all.
Margaret
dream...@my-dejanews.com
anyway, i mostly wanted to say, Yes, i understand.
was going to include more recent fun with lost time,
but Really don't want to anymore.
i don't lose time.
i just don't remember it, cause i wasn't there, and noone tells me anything.
the time doesn't go anywhere..
how have you been, amy?
haven't heard much from you since your last major period of integration.
just been resting recently?
i don't understand 'Most people'.
In article <19990304230625...@ng32.aol.com>,
psmit...@aol.com (PSmith9626) wrote:
> I find it very hard to explain multiple time or lost time to singles.
> On the other hand- they seem to understand "amnesia attacks" pretty
> well.
>
> It similar to my experiences explaining chemical allergies a few years ago.
> Back then, chemical allergies were not well known and greeted with skepticism.
> When i said " the fumes from the plastic make me allergic" -nobody
> seemed to accept it.
> But, when i said " The plastic smells are bad for my asthma "
,everyone
> understood and was supportive.
> Most people treat new concepts like tabasco sauce and can only take
a
> drop at a time,once in a while.
> best
> amy
>
>
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
PSmith9626
I have been emotionally overwhelmed.
There is a lot of work to do. Lots of pain.
Nearly hit some core memory and ending up spinning in pain and denial
for three weeks.
Also , nightmares and bad depression.
But, here we are.
best
penny
dream...@my-dejanews.com
Has it been weeks? I have completely lost all sense of time. Completely.
It's now. We're here. That's enough I guess.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{penny/amy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
You're doing so well, just gotta keep moving,
get through to the other side of the pain somehow.
In article <19990307072800...@ng36.aol.com>,
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
PSmith9626
thanks.
hugs
amy
p.s. k says: "thanks for hugs, my friend dream"
je...@nospamop.net
>have told him my dx but he does not seem to want to understand much.
That's a shame. I'd like to think marriage is based upon the kind of
respect and caring that would send your singleton on a search for
knowledge and understanding.
If you feel it will help, you can direct him to my page, which has SO
information (www.op.net/~jeffv/so1.htm) in plain language.
>last yr
>he tried to have us c*mm*t*d against what we wanted i just got dx about 3
>month ago, thanks
I'm not sure what your question is.
Are you upset about his actions? I can imagine I'd be pretty upset
too.
Not that I would justify what he did, but was it at a time when you
were unsafe? Or do you think he was just being controlling?
Best to you,
Jeff V
je...@nospamop.net
>dear jane,
> As i said, time will tell. If jeff is nice and helpful and fits-
>great.
> Why isn't his dissociative wife posting?
Because she's not ready for the computer and is (I believe) a little
frightened of email and newsgroups. I mentioned this as a nice, safe
place, but she's not ready and I'm not pushing.
> As to jokes- its like jokes about people of color, if a white guy (even
>if he is married to a
>woman of color) tells one, it doesn't work in the same way as if a person of
>color tells one to another person of color.
As a professional musical comic, I have come to understand that humor
is as individual as the listener. Sorry that you don't find it
amusing. Definitely avoid my comedy web page.
> I dont think my illness is a joke.
Gee, I sure hope you don't think I do. Would I still be with my wife
(we've been together 5 years) if I didn't take it seriously?
If you feel like it's safe, I urge you to check out my web page, read
my messages, and forward your comments. If you still believe that
I'm not to be trusted, there's nothing more to say, I guess.