i feel petulant and like i need people and i need everyone to go away :P
Emerging Butterfly
lately the kids are needy and yet don't want to admit the need. some
of the need feels so primitive and some feels entitled, angry, petty,
even...mean? - but in a petty and passing way.
we have name for a very young one that relates to the feeling and
memory she holds. the name doesn't *exactly* make sense as a *name*
per-say? (kinda like that other one, umm, what was it....argh, don't
remember...oh, yn)....
anyway, this one's name is MH. she feels like a baby in the crib just
desperately needing contact like she can't stop the bodily or physical
sensation of *need* even for a voice. she is in panic.
spoiler for vague mention of violence and vague allusions to getting
h*rt by pe*ple maybe looking online:
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and then, she fears and knows, what comes, her contact comes, in what
feels like....m*rderous hands.
her name is MH.
Sometimes MH is around and desperate. then others try to protect her
and her feelings and it's tantrums and petulance and really silly
seeming tantrums.
wanna go home and do bad stuff on computer and make MH feel better, k?
or maybe lie down but get MH immediate "relief" first.
Realize now that it's good s/he's named. has been powerful powerful
force in life and need to try to own and hold it.
*whines* has been so much safer away from home.
now going back to own computer feels like walking back to own little
psychic d*ath and hate that.
please please please help.
MH says want safety cries says need contact
older ones say need nothing know where to find it
pr*grammed ones say we knwo what we're doing just let us
(on puter)
oh help help help
scared desperate
feel compelled help
MH can't scream only whine sofly and say "hi?"
and we freaking out
no more MH coming for MH
Shiyiya
think it's not effective relief. think she probably needs caring more
than h*rt but doesn't know that she can have it.
> Realize now that it's good s/he's named. has been powerful powerful
> force in life and need to try to own and hold it.
>
> *whines* has been so much safer away from home.
> now going back to own computer feels like walking back to own little
> psychic d*ath and hate that.
> please please please help.
am here
> MH says want safety cries says need contact
can ahve contact that isn't h*rt
> older ones say need nothing know where to find it
> pr*grammed ones say we knwo what we're doing just let us
you don't have to
> (on puter)
> oh help help help
> scared desperate
> feel compelled help
I'm here you don't have to talk to those people it's okay you can stay
away from it and safe.
>
>
> MH can't scream only whine sofly and say "hi?"
> and we freaking out
> no more MH coming for MH
am here. call me if you think it would help to talk okay?
confuzzled
> ya know. lower lip protruding, shiny, withdrawing - that feeling?
> lately the kids are needy and yet don't want to admit the need. some
> of the need feels so primitive and some feels entitled, angry, petty,
> even...mean? - but in a petty and passing way.
maybe needs are just needs?
>
> we have name for a very young one that relates to the feeling and
> memory she holds. the name doesn't *exactly* make sense as a *name*
> per-say? (kinda like that other one, umm, what was it....argh, don't
> remember...oh, yn)....
> anyway, this one's name is MH. she feels like a baby in the crib just
> desperately needing contact like she can't stop the bodily or physical
> sensation of *need* even for a voice. she is in panic.
>
:(
blankies
stuffed animals
astri
that won't make her feel better really
> or maybe lie down but get MH immediate "relief" first.
> Realize now that it's good s/he's named. has been powerful powerful
> force in life and need to try to own and hold it.
and find other ways to get her relief
> *whines* has been so much safer away from home.
> now going back to own computer feels like walking back to own little
> psychic d*ath and hate that.
> please please please help.
don't have to go to those places online
> MH says want safety cries says need contact
but the ones online not safe
> older ones say need nothing know where to find it
> pr*grammed ones say we knwo what we're doing just let us
> (on puter)
> oh help help help
> scared desperate
> feel compelled help
come to asd
not that world
> MH can't scream only whine sofly and say "hi?"
> and we freaking out
> no more MH coming for MH
hi
-- astri
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