t puddles post
Puddles
we saw t today. He had us scheduled (did it last week) for next wens
since thurs is eve
and friday is xm*s day. The only thing we remember about the session'
is in the last five minutes t said, ' i want to schedule you as my last appt
on thurs', i told him we were scheduled for wens and t says, 'i know but
i need to arrange your schedule, i won't be here'.
I knew what that meant. I knew he was trying to tell me he is leaving for
more then just xm*s holiday.
He said, xm*s eve as my last appt ok? I said ok. Then he said i won't be
here the following
week. I put my head under my hands and said, ' oh no oh no'. Then i looked
up and asked, ' can i see (partner t)? t said yes. t said he already
scheduled. guess what? he scheduled on new years eve too! I see partner t
Im scared. tomorrow is the day evl usually shows up. i am letting my
oldest boy
at home take the truck tomorrow and evl is going to get really really mad.
i know he is going to yell at me and be very angry. He jealous that
oldest boy
can help me by driving himself.
i don't want tomorrow to come. its going to be bad.
astri
> i will post something because seem like not very many posts here so ....
>
>
> we saw t today. He had us scheduled (did it last week) for next wens
> since thurs is eve and friday is xm*s day. The only thing we remember
> about the session' is in the last five minutes t said, ' i want to
> schedule you as my last appt on thurs', i told him we were scheduled
> for wens and t says, 'i know but i need to arrange your schedule, i
> won't be here'.
>
> I knew what that meant. I knew he was trying to tell me he is leaving
> for more then just xm*s holiday.
:(
> He said, xm*s eve as my last appt ok? I said ok. Then he said i won't
> be here the following week. I put my head under my hands and said, '
> oh no oh no'. Then i looked up and asked, ' can i see (partner t)? t
> said yes. t said he already scheduled. guess what? he scheduled on
> new years eve too! I see partner t
sigh
we having t troubles too
too much not there
> Im scared. tomorrow is the day evl usually shows up. i am letting my
> oldest boy at home take the truck tomorrow and evl is going to get
> really really mad. i know he is going to yell at me and be very
> angry. He jealous that oldest boy can help me by driving himself.
>
> i don't want tomorrow to come. its going to be bad.
:(
come here then and post and let us help you remember your friends and
asd home
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
jill
Puddles <allthe...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>i will post something because seem like not very many posts here so ....
I love it when responsible asders step up and help fill the void
*grin* Yes, I just called _you_ a 'responsible asder'! :)
>we saw t today. He had us scheduled (did it last week) for next wens
>since thurs is eve
>and friday is xm*s day. The only thing we remember about the session'
>is in the last five minutes t said, ' i want to schedule you as my last appt
>on thurs', i told him we were scheduled for wens and t says, 'i know but
>i need to arrange your schedule, i won't be here'.
Cool, he finally gets it and is pre-planning!
>I knew what that meant. I knew he was trying to tell me he is leaving for
>more then just xm*s holiday.
>
>He said, xm*s eve as my last appt ok? I said ok. Then he said i won't be
>here the following
>week. I put my head under my hands and said, ' oh no oh no'. Then i looked
>up and asked, ' can i see (partner t)? t said yes. t said he already
>scheduled. guess what? he scheduled on new years eve too! I see partner t
See, your t'pist _is_ trainable *hee hee*
>Im scared. tomorrow is the day evl usually shows up. i am letting my
Um, so _why_ does he show up? Is this ok with you? Maybe just not
be there when he does? Or have someone with you (a friend) for
support?
>oldest boy
>at home take the truck tomorrow and evl is going to get really really mad.
Oh well. *shrug* People gotta stop thinking they are in charge of
stuff they aren't in charge of. Or you could meet him (evl) at the
door with a list and before he says word one, hand him the list and
say 'here's what I need _you_ to do' and then shut the door in his
face. *wicked grin*
>i know he is going to yell at me and be very angry. He jealous that
>oldest boy
>can help me by driving himself.
:P~~ Just stay strong and breathe.
>i don't want tomorrow to come. its going to be bad.
You will handle it and do what has to be done. Don't hesitate to
call cops if that is what needs to happen, or leave or throw evl out.
You do NOT have to put up with him!
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
Puddles
> On Sat, 19 Dec 2009, Puddles wrote:
>
>> i will post something because seem like not very many posts here so ....
>>
>>
>> we saw t today. He had us scheduled (did it last week) for next wens
>> since thurs is eve and friday is xm*s day. The only thing we remember
>> about the session' is in the last five minutes t said, ' i want to
>> schedule you as my last appt on thurs', i told him we were scheduled
>> for wens and t says, 'i know but i need to arrange your schedule, i
>> won't be here'.
>>
>> I knew what that meant. I knew he was trying to tell me he is leaving
>> for more then just xm*s holiday.
>
> :(
>
>> He said, xm*s eve as my last appt ok? I said ok. Then he said i won't
>> be here the following week. I put my head under my hands and said, '
>> oh no oh no'. Then i looked up and asked, ' can i see (partner t)? t
>> said yes. t said he already scheduled. guess what? he scheduled on
>> new years eve too! I see partner t
>
> sigh
> we having t troubles too
> too much not there
i knew your t had just gone on vacation. she seems to go quit a bit.
ours really never that much but we always make a big deal out it.\
dunno, seems like there should be more responsibility when you have
paticular clients that need. doesn't seem ok professionally although i
understand they need breaks too. still....
>
>> Im scared. tomorrow is the day evl usually shows up. i am letting my
>> oldest boy at home take the truck tomorrow and evl is going to get
>> really really mad. i know he is going to yell at me and be very
>> angry. He jealous that oldest boy can help me by driving himself.
>>
>> i don't want tomorrow to come. its going to be bad.
>
> :(
>
> come here then and post and let us help you remember your friends and
> asd home
>
> -- astri
>
he never came. which is good but makes me wonder what he is doing. we
wonder if he is being with someone else. hurts.
we told twins today that d*ddy is going to live somewhere else (they
thought he was just 'staying with a friend' for awhile. thing one had a
hard time with it but i think he will be ok. i just kept repeating its
not their fault and has nothing to do with why he not live here no more.
i started cleaning some of his thihgs out of the basement today. i know
he is going to get really mad when he sees it. but.... i don't know. he
is going to get mad over everything. guess i can't just keep worrying
about what he is going to do or where he is now.
we hear littles in the background, they are not ok in any way shape or form.
t is leaving, evl gone and no one to protect. no one to make us safe. is
scary for them. they think olders are making the life bad.
its snowing. its wet snow. im so tired.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 19 Dec 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> we saw t today. He had us scheduled (did it last week) for next
>>> wens since thurs is eve and friday is xm*s day. The only thing we
>>> remember about the session' is in the last five minutes t said, ' i
>>> want to schedule you as my last appt on thurs', i told him we were
>>> scheduled for wens and t says, 'i know but i need to arrange your
>>> schedule, i won't be here'.
>>>
>>> I knew what that meant. I knew he was trying to tell me he is
>>> leaving for more then just xm*s holiday.
>>
>> :(
>>
>>> He said, xm*s eve as my last appt ok? I said ok. Then he said i
>>> won't be here the following week. I put my head under my hands and
>>> said, ' oh no oh no'. Then i looked up and asked, ' can i see
>>> (partner t)? t said yes. t said he already scheduled. guess what?
>>> he scheduled on new years eve too! I see partner t
>>
>> sigh
>> we having t troubles too
>> too much not there
>
> i knew your t had just gone on vacation. she seems to go quit a bit.
> ours really never that much but we always make a big deal out it.\
she was away 3 weeks
then cancelled the next appointment
and wasn't sure could make promises
and now says she can be there
but she not sure how she might have to change her schedule around
so she not there inside
she not really back
> dunno, seems like there should be more responsibility when you have
> paticular clients that need. doesn't seem ok professionally although
> i understand they need breaks too. still....
her husband been in hosp in icu
is just feels like we selfish
>>> Im scared. tomorrow is the day evl usually shows up. i am letting
>>> my oldest boy at home take the truck tomorrow and evl is going to
>>> get really really mad. i know he is going to yell at me and be very
>>> angry. He jealous that oldest boy can help me by driving himself.
>>>
>>> i don't want tomorrow to come. its going to be bad.
>>
>> :(
>>
>> come here then and post and let us help you remember your friends
>> and asd home
>
> he never came. which is good but makes me wonder what he is doing. we
> wonder if he is being with someone else. hurts.
sigh
> we told twins today that d*ddy is going to live somewhere else (they
> thought he was just 'staying with a friend' for awhile. thing one had
> a hard time with it but i think he will be ok. i just kept repeating
> its not their fault and has nothing to do with why he not live here
> no more.
>
> i started cleaning some of his thihgs out of the basement today. i
> know he is going to get really mad when he sees it. but.... i don't
> know. he is going to get mad over everything. guess i can't just keep
> worrying about what he is going to do or where he is now.
yeah
> we hear littles in the background, they are not ok in any way shape
> or form.
:(
> t is leaving, evl gone and no one to protect. no one to make us safe.
> is scary for them. they think olders are making the life bad.
:(
> its snowing. its wet snow. im so tired.
yah
confuzzled
> i will post something because seem like not very many posts here so ....
>
we miss you when you gone
>
> we saw t today. He had us scheduled (did it last week) for next wens
> since thurs is eve
> and friday is xm*s day. The only thing we remember about the session'
> is in the last five minutes t said, ' i want to schedule you as my last
> appt
> on thurs', i told him we were scheduled for wens and t says, 'i know but
> i need to arrange your schedule, i won't be here'.
>
> I knew what that meant. I knew he was trying to tell me he is leaving for
> more then just xm*s holiday.
>
> He said, xm*s eve as my last appt ok? I said ok. Then he said i won't be
> here the following
> week. I put my head under my hands and said, ' oh no oh no'. Then i looked
> up and asked, ' can i see (partner t)? t said yes. t said he already
> scheduled. guess what? he scheduled on new years eve too! I see partner t
>
confuzzled
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 19 Dec 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
> we told twins today that d*ddy is going to live somewhere else (they
> thought he was just 'staying with a friend' for awhile. thing one had a
> hard time with it but i think he will be ok. i just kept repeating its
> not their fault and has nothing to do with why he not live here no more.
>
> i started cleaning some of his thihgs out of the basement today. i know
> he is going to get really mad when he sees it. but.... i don't know. he
> is going to get mad over everything. guess i can't just keep worrying
> about what he is going to do or where he is now.
>
yes. understand is very hard
think you being amazingly strong
> we hear littles in the background, they are not ok in any way shape or
> form.
>
regrets
they can post here too
> t is leaving, evl gone and no one to protect. no one to make us safe. is
> scary for them. they think olders are making the life bad.
>
:(
> its snowing. its wet snow. im so tired.
we tired too
confuzzled
very hard
> and now says she can be there
> but she not sure how she might have to change her schedule around
> so she not there inside
don't believe this. she there inside. you can't let her be there because
you afraid she won't be there when you expect her.
> she not really back
>
:/
she there. she back. she just not back in a predictable way
>> dunno, seems like there should be more responsibility when you have
>> paticular clients that need. doesn't seem ok professionally although
>> i understand they need breaks too. still....
>
> her husband been in hosp in icu
> is just feels like we selfish
>
not selfish
astri
> astri wrote:
[t]
>> then cancelled the next appointment
>> and wasn't sure could make promises
>
> very hard
>
>> and now says she can be there
>> but she not sure how she might have to change her schedule around
>> so she not there inside
>
> don't believe this. she there inside. you can't let her be there
> because you afraid she won't be there when you expect her.
can't find her
too scary to look
she won't be there
>> she not really back
>>
> :/
>
> she there. she back. she just not back in a predictable way
feels not back
>> her husband been in hosp in icu
>> is just feels like we selfish
>>
> not selfish
shouldn't be a bother
confuzzled
> On Sun, 20 Dec 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>> astri wrote:
> [t]
>>> she was away 3 weeks
>>> then cancelled the next appointment
>>> and wasn't sure could make promises
>>
>> very hard
>>
>>> and now says she can be there
>>> but she not sure how she might have to change her schedule around
>>> so she not there inside
>>
>> don't believe this. she there inside. you can't let her be there
>> because you afraid she won't be there when you expect her.
>
> can't find her
> too scary to look
> she won't be there
>
hope you can talk more to her about this
is important
>>> she not really back
>>>
>> :/
>>
>> she there. she back. she just not back in a predictable way
>
> feels not back
"feels"
>
>>> her husband been in hosp in icu
>>> is just feels like we selfish
>>>
>> not selfish
>
> shouldn't be a bother
>
you deciding for her what's a bother
you doing the same thing we do with asd.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 20 Dec 2009, confuzzled wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>> [t]
>>>> she was away 3 weeks
>>>> then cancelled the next appointment
>>>> and wasn't sure could make promises
>>>
>>> very hard
>>>
>>>> and now says she can be there
>>>> but she not sure how she might have to change her schedule around
>>>> so she not there inside
>>>
>>> don't believe this. she there inside. you can't let her be there
>>> because you afraid she won't be there when you expect her.
>>
>> can't find her
>> too scary to look
>> she won't be there
>>
> <sigh>
> hope you can talk more to her about this
> is important
k
>>>> she not really back
>>>>
>>> :/
>>>
>>> she there. she back. she just not back in a predictable way
>>
>> feels not back
>
> "feels"
not stable
>>>> her husband been in hosp in icu
>>>> is just feels like we selfish
>>>>
>>> not selfish
>>
>> shouldn't be a bother
>>
> you deciding for her what's a bother
> you doing the same thing we do with asd.
but is real that she might just ignore us
asd not ignore you
Baba Yaga
>
>He said, xm*s eve as my last appt ok? I said ok. Then he said i won't be
>here the following
>week. I put my head under my hands and said, ' oh no oh no'. Then i looked
>up and asked, ' can i see (partner t)? t said yes. t said he already
>scheduled. guess what? he scheduled on new years eve too! I see partner t
Good he scheduled.
Not so good he left it so late to tel you.
Baba Yaga
--
External things are no more like the perceptions they give rise to,
than wine is similar to intoxication, or opium to the delirium which
it produces.
- John Playfair
Baba Yaga
>
>we told twins today that d*ddy is going to live somewhere else (they
>thought he was just 'staying with a friend' for awhile. thing one had a
>hard time with it but i think he will be ok. i just kept repeating its
>not their fault and has nothing to do with why he not live here no more.
>
>i started cleaning some of his thihgs out of the basement today. i know
>he is going to get really mad when he sees it. but.... i don't know. he
>is going to get mad over everything. guess i can't just keep worrying
>about what he is going to do or where he is now.
Sounds like real moves towards freedom. Well done.
Puddles
Puddles
> Puddles <allthe...@yahoo.com> wrote, in alt.support.dissociation:
>
>> we told twins today that d*ddy is going to live somewhere else (they
>> thought he was just 'staying with a friend' for awhile. thing one had a
>> hard time with it but i think he will be ok. i just kept repeating its
>> not their fault and has nothing to do with why he not live here no more.
>>
>> i started cleaning some of his thihgs out of the basement today. i know
>> he is going to get really mad when he sees it. but.... i don't know. he
>> is going to get mad over everything. guess i can't just keep worrying
>> about what he is going to do or where he is now.
>
> Sounds like real moves towards freedom. Well done.
>
> Baba Yaga
moves toward freedom, and then stupid moves. im stupid.
Puddles
I know this. I know this exactly. When t isn't inside. t always has to
be inside or things aren't ok. she need to be inside, you need to tell.
>
>> dunno, seems like there should be more responsibility when you have
>> paticular clients that need. doesn't seem ok professionally although
>> i understand they need breaks too. still....
>
> her husband been in hosp in icu
> is just feels like we selfish
no, is prolly good for her to work, is time to focus on you instead of
personal hurts. only feels selfish but might be better for t to get away
from hosp. think you are important for her too.
astri
> its today. wish he wasn't leaving.
understand
astri
> moves toward freedom, and then stupid moves. im stupid.
what happened?
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sun, 20 Dec 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>>
>>> i knew your t had just gone on vacation. she seems to go quit a
>>> bit. ours really never that much but we always make a big deal out
>>> it.\
>>
>> she was away 3 weeks
>> then cancelled the next appointment
>> and wasn't sure could make promises
>> and now says she can be there
>> but she not sure how she might have to change her schedule around
>> so she not there inside
>> she not really back
>
> I know this. I know this exactly. When t isn't inside. t always has
> to be inside or things aren't ok. she need to be inside, you need to
> tell.
sigh
did tell
talked about it 2 sessions
maybe calmer
dunno
scary
>>> dunno, seems like there should be more responsibility when you have
>>> paticular clients that need. doesn't seem ok professionally
>>> although i understand they need breaks too. still....
>>
>> her husband been in hosp in icu
>> is just feels like we selfish
>
> no, is prolly good for her to work, is time to focus on you instead
> of personal hurts. only feels selfish but might be better for t to
> get away from hosp. think you are important for her too.
but not maybe there between
don't dare send email
she can't guarantee she'd read it
so makes difficult to feel her there
she says she is
she wouldn't take her marble back today
Puddles
i gave in to something i should not have. but he still left afterwards.
I am soo stupid for doing that!
Puddles
sometimes when we need to know if t is getting email we will write him
one of two things...
are you following me?
or
are you there t because i need to make sure you are reading right now.
he knows what this means and how important it is for him to answer. its
the only way we can make him be inside when he is away. maybe you can do
this with your t?
if i still feel like he's not there, i will ask him how i can know if he
is following me.
he says, 'because i know you'.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Thu, 24 Dec 2009, Puddles wrote:
>>
>>> moves toward freedom, and then stupid moves. im stupid.
>>
>> what happened?
>
> afterwards. I am soo stupid for doing that!
oh
well, at least he left
g'ni
Puddles
nite astri.
astri
but if she isn't reading email she won't see it and won't answer
Puddles
Hannah wrote:
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> Hi!
>
> Puddles <allthe...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Thu, 24 Dec 2009, Puddles wrote:
>
>>>> moves toward freedom, and then stupid moves. im stupid.
>
>>> what happened?
>
>> i gave in to something i should not have. but he still left afterwards.
>> I am soo stupid for doing that!
>
> Can change old patterns only a step at a time.
>
> Kind regards,
>
> Hannah(s).
Puddles
then you know not to send the email you really want to send. is how you
can find out if she is available to read. Then you will feel better
about sending more in depth email. Does she tell you she doesn't read
emails while she is away?
astri
> astri wrote:
>>
>
> you can find out if she is available to read. Then you will feel
> better about sending more in depth email. Does she tell you she
> doesn't read emails while she is away?
she isn't away
she's taking care of sick hubby
she said she "might not" read email
don't wanna send then
confuzzled
no you're not