New update
Emerging Butterfly
all are and you want to know how I am, really, and since alters have
been so destructive lately, I don't want to do just cryptic messages
because even they can be worrisome when it's known that destructive
alters are out.
It was mentioned before that I was looking to get m*rdered. A couple
took me in that realized my pain and knows a bit about pr*gramming and
multiplicity.
After talking with Raven, the woman here, my psychiatrist's
recommendation based on increased stability here and Raven't ability
and willingness to help with med management is that I stay here or at
another place with comparable resources.
I have choices now to make, but it is obvious that living in an
apartment alone with the recent attacks by C. and recently others
render me incapable of living alone without sometimes being instantly
pr*grammed into a sui. alter without knowing it.
The danger was strong, and so now is the safety, although there are
certainly battles to fight.
As I further explore the support here, I will be making a decision. It
is clear and I'm sure has been clear to you lately that much
intervention was suddenly needed during this time due to increased
c*lt attack.
In the next post, since this is getting lengthy, I want Raven to
introduce herself to you so that you may be assured that I am in fact
with someone who knows what the h*ll is going on and is eminently
safe, despite my desperate attempts not to find safety.
Read on for the next exciting update! :)
With Fondness and hopes of being stable enough to be here regularly
very soon,
EBs/Michaela
astri
> Vagueness has never worked on this group. :) I want to know how you
> all are and you want to know how I am, really, and since alters have
> been so destructive lately, I don't want to do just cryptic messages
> because even they can be worrisome when it's known that destructive
> alters are out.
>
> It was mentioned before that I was looking to get m*rdered. A couple
> took me in that realized my pain and knows a bit about pr*gramming
> and multiplicity.
>
> After talking with Raven, the woman here, my psychiatrist's
> recommendation based on increased stability here and Raven't ability
> and willingness to help with med management is that I stay here or at
> another place with comparable resources.
k
> I have choices now to make, but it is obvious that living in an
> apartment alone with the recent attacks by C. and recently others
> render me incapable of living alone without sometimes being instantly
> pr*grammed into a sui. alter without knowing it.
sigh
> The danger was strong, and so now is the safety, although there are
> certainly battles to fight.
k
> As I further explore the support here, I will be making a decision. It
> is clear and I'm sure has been clear to you lately that much
> intervention was suddenly needed during this time due to increased
> c*lt attack.
>
> In the next post, since this is getting lengthy, I want Raven to
> introduce herself to you so that you may be assured that I am in fact
> with someone who knows what the h*ll is going on and is eminently
> safe, despite my desperate attempts not to find safety.
k
you still in touch with j too?
> Read on for the next exciting update! :)
>
> With Fondness and hopes of being stable enough to be here regularly
> very soon,
hope so
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
cometz
hi. worried. helpless so just have to listen.
betsy
confuzzled
glad you updated. hope you really are in safe place. we been thinking
about you
Emerging Butterfly
Only by email at this time, although she did finally call today. She's
so far convinced that I'm in a bad situation and I can't convince her
otherwise at the moment. Calling her in an emergency didn't help the
situation because I didn't make it clear that the emergency didn't
involve the couple i'm staying with but an outside friend that they
have confronted -- I'm safe here but I didn't sound safe or stable on
the call and I wish she understood that it wasn't about where I live.
>
> > Read on for the next exciting update! :)
>
> > With Fondness and hopes of being stable enough to be here regularly
> > very soon,
>
> hope so
thanks.
Emerging Butterfly
hmm. seems i've been so unstable that most of what i say now is likely
to trigger worry.
only way i can reassure is by being me and saying that i am definitely
safe here. the lack of safety was coming from some super bad heavy
stuff from C. and others that I couldn't deal with at home.
betsy, as always, i appreciate your concern and like to know how you
feel on things.
at the same time, i wish it didn't feel helpless to hear that i'm
feeling better and safer.
at the same time, these aren't people the group knows or that even i
knew very well before coming. i would have the same response as you to
knowing someone had just run.
fortunately, i finally ran right into what i needed.
accidental safety?
hope it's seen with time.
things are improving with the support i'm receiving.
keep talking, as always, about your thoughts. i like to know them and
don't want to disregard, and at the same time, the information i've
given to the group is quite incomplete about the utter danger i was in
just before coming here.
suffice it to say that d*ath was most likely prospect had i not left.
Emerging Butterfly
thanks. i'm looking on past posts and feeling i'll never ever catch
up. hope you are well too.
my focus has been just safety and processing lately, what with very
recent and severe trauma.
really am safe, as far as i can see.
astri
> On Dec 28 2009, 12:41 am, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>>
>> you still in touch with j too?
>
> Only by email at this time, although she did finally call today.
> She's so far convinced that I'm in a bad situation and I can't
> convince her otherwise at the moment.
well, is hard to trust that this isn't same as before
frankly, the polyanna-feeling version that's been posted is a little
hard to swallow as real
> Calling her in an emergency didn't help the situation because I
> didn't make it clear that the emergency didn't involve the couple i'm
> staying with but an outside friend that they have confronted -- I'm
> safe here but I didn't sound safe or stable on the call and I wish
> she understood that it wasn't about where I live.
why did they confront that person?
astri
> hmm. seems i've been so unstable that most of what i say now is
> likely to trigger worry.
yes
> only way i can reassure is by being me and saying that i am
> definitely safe here. the lack of safety was coming from some super
> bad heavy stuff from C. and others that I couldn't deal with at home.
> betsy, as always, i appreciate your concern and like to know how you
> feel on things.
> at the same time, i wish it didn't feel helpless to hear that i'm
> feeling better and safer.
feels surface, what you're saying on asd lately
> at the same time, these aren't people the group knows or that even i
> knew very well before coming. i would have the same response as you
> to knowing someone had just run.
what healthy people would take in a stranger they met for a few hours
on the internet and then devote untold hours to that stranger? what
motivates that? what are they getting out of it? what makes them able
to do this?
> fortunately, i finally ran right into what i needed.
> accidental safety?
> hope it's seen with time.
hope so
> things are improving with the support i'm receiving.
hope so
> keep talking, as always, about your thoughts. i like to know them and
> don't want to disregard, and at the same time, the information i've
> given to the group is quite incomplete about the utter danger i was
> in just before coming here.
understand the danger
don't understand the polyanna
> suffice it to say that d*ath was most likely prospect had i not left.
:(
jill
Emerging Butterfly <emerging....@hotmail.com> wrote:
>On Dec 28 2009, 10:08=A0am, cometz <comet...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Dec 28, 1:43=A0am, Emerging Butterfly
What worries me the most is that these are people you met online and
have what ulterior motives? Why would they do this? That alone sets up
red flags for me.
>fortunately, i finally ran right into what i needed.
You said that when you went from traveling across the country and
being abandonned and then moving into that community living
arrangement.
>accidental safety?
>hope it's seen with time.
>things are improving with the support i'm receiving.
Again, who are these people that they know what they are doing? Why
should they know just the right things? That bugs me.
>keep talking, as always, about your thoughts. i like to know them and
>don't want to disregard, and at the same time, the information i've
>given to the group is quite incomplete about the utter danger i was in
>just before coming here.
>
>suffice it to say that d*ath was most likely prospect had i not left.
But you could have gone inpt, spent more time with the t'pist,
moved out of state, gotten j more involved. Heck, called the cops and
taken out a restraining order against the dangerous people.
My worry always involves the feeling I have that you look for other
people to 'save' you or 'fix' the situation. It seems to always be
externally focused. Granted, at some points in healing we all need
that (and some of us accept that need more gracefully than others)
but your history (from what I know based on asd) revolves around you
getting into a situation that is unsafe, finding some external force
that is going to fix the problem, finding out that this fix is no
better than the problem, just different, and running from that fix
into a period of relative calm... until it starts up again.
My gut reaction to this is to very very concerned and afraid for you.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org