we did it
russiandolly
got to the point where someone inside wouldn't let us function any
more
(hence not being around asd for a bit)
back now though, although have raging stress headache
also, we've lost a load of unread posts, so wer're just gonna have to
go from today's
astri
hey, cool
wanna tell what happened?
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
russiandolly
yeah.
erm...
got to the point where Alice was just this screaming horible rage (she
does... ok, spoiler
s*x talk towards the end. no splats. nothing detailed like, just words
that might trigger
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
she does the sex things, and she doesn't like it.
Rachel likes him but it's *always* the others that do the sex things
and Alice says not fair, if *she* wants to do it then *she* should.
turns out that Rachel just wanted to be friends anyway, and allowing
the switching and dissing to do the "stuff we needed to do to keep
him"
ha. can't even believe we're saying that
had talks with t on friday. lots of talk about how women fought for
rights and there's us lying back and thinking of england...
anyway...
we like him as a friend, the posessiveness and the jealousy and
irrational crap isn't there
we were being incredibly nasty to him, and we could see that it was
out of order when all we had to say was "look, we don't want this
anymore"
very difficult last night.
worrying about his reaction. how to tell him. where to tell him.
get him all mixed up with dad
hid the knives in the flat
told him in a pub, felt a bit safer in company.
he took it well. said he understood.
we just very worried, rejection has the potential to eat away at him
and make him all... ill
(switch) we very glad and very happy that we are free no longer
trapped all squashed inside
can do what we like and not have to say where we been or be back at a
certain time
no more get told off and feel stupid
no more ick
no more stupid judgements and can have own opinion do things *our* way
not his 'right' way
freedom freedom freedom
(back again :)
makes us laugh really, the amount of insight we have into our
situation yet we still manage to fall into the trap of finding the
first person that mose resembled our dad and terying to repeat the
relationship.
i don't know
he says he still wants to go out taking photos with us, and we said
we'd like that cos we get lost easily and company is good
just might wait a while before we have him back in flat - give it time
to settle and see how he reacts. don't want no plans to do bad things
to us.
thanks for helping me asd, i feel lighter than i have in months,
really light and free and like the world is all opened up to us again
just need to undo the 'damage' of a week of not-coping and we'll be
fine
(the utter hatred of sex brought out yet another pregnancy scare with
Sky (she was the one who had the baby)
might as well share this too...
we been irritable and having dizzy spells.
thought it was from not taking our prozac regularly
had thoughts one night - what if pregnant?
dizzy spells scared the crap out of us
and hunger.
all can be explained away but...
well, we've been playing with fire by not using proection (I know, i
know, but we always say we never going to have sex again and then
someone else comes in on autopilot and gives in to him and too late he
doesn't like condoms - trigger for us too - and we been kidding
ourselves that is ok because he can't come on his meds but he started
to over the last couple of months and likes it and so he does it more
and more and we don't like it
told him we worried couple of days ago and he laughed, he *actually*
*laughed* at our concern and he said yeah no way, not with the shit
sex we have and we said sex is sex and he said we don't do it often
enough and we thought flipping heck (well, ok we thought ***** *****
***** ***** but you get the jist)
a couple of times a week is *well* enough to be stacking the odds
against ourselves
keep feeling boobs to see if swollen or anything
not due on until end of month
didn't mark last period on calendar - either that or we missed it, and
we can't remember :(
we're telling you guys here so hopefully we take a bit more notice of
how silly we've been
if we're embarassed/ashamed we'll be more likely to not do it again
astri
> On Nov 8, 7:32 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Sun, 8 Nov 2009, russiandolly wrote:
>>> we left bf
>>> got to the point where someone inside wouldn't let us function any
>>> more
>>> (hence not being around asd for a bit)
>>> back now though, although have raging stress headache
>>> also, we've lost a load of unread posts, so wer're just gonna have to
>>> go from today's
>>
>> hey, cool
>> wanna tell what happened?
>
>
> erm...
> got to the point where Alice was just this screaming horible rage (she
> does... ok, spoiler
> s*x talk towards the end. no splats. nothing detailed like, just words
> that might trigger
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> she does the sex things, and she doesn't like it.
> Rachel likes him but it's *always* the others that do the sex things
> and Alice says not fair, if *she* wants to do it then *she* should.
> turns out that Rachel just wanted to be friends anyway, and allowing
> the switching and dissing to do the "stuff we needed to do to keep
> him"
that's not a healthy formula
> ha. can't even believe we're saying that
understand it, tho
isn't all that unusual, we think
> had talks with t on friday. lots of talk about how women fought for
> rights and there's us lying back and thinking of england...
> anyway...
> we like him as a friend, the posessiveness and the jealousy and
> irrational crap isn't there
ah
> we were being incredibly nasty to him, and we could see that it was
> out of order when all we had to say was "look, we don't want this
> anymore"
>
> very difficult last night.
> worrying about his reaction. how to tell him. where to tell him.
> get him all mixed up with dad
:/
> hid the knives in the flat
>
> told him in a pub, felt a bit safer in company.
reasonable
> he took it well. said he understood.
> we just very worried, rejection has the potential to eat away at him
> and make him all... ill
sigh
can't be responsible for him tho
> (switch) we very glad and very happy that we are free no longer
> trapped all squashed inside
good
> can do what we like and not have to say where we been or be back at a
> certain time
> no more get told off and feel stupid
> no more ick
> no more stupid judgements and can have own opinion do things *our* way
> not his 'right' way
> freedom freedom freedom
yay
> (back again :)
> makes us laugh really, the amount of insight we have into our
> situation yet we still manage to fall into the trap of finding the
> first person that mose resembled our dad and terying to repeat the
> relationship.
> i don't know
is hard to break old patterns
can, with recognition and lots of effort and practice
> he says he still wants to go out taking photos with us, and we said
> we'd like that cos we get lost easily and company is good
> just might wait a while before we have him back in flat - give it time
> to settle and see how he reacts. don't want no plans to do bad things
> to us.
good idea
> thanks for helping me asd, i feel lighter than i have in months,
> really light and free and like the world is all opened up to us again
> just need to undo the 'damage' of a week of not-coping and we'll be
> fine
:)
> (the utter hatred of sex brought out yet another pregnancy scare with
> Sky (she was the one who had the baby)
> might as well share this too...
> we been irritable and having dizzy spells.
> thought it was from not taking our prozac regularly
> had thoughts one night - what if pregnant?
> dizzy spells scared the crap out of us
> and hunger.
> all can be explained away but...
> well, we've been playing with fire by not using proection (I know, i
> know, but we always say we never going to have sex again and then
> someone else comes in on autopilot and gives in to him and too late he
> doesn't like condoms - trigger for us too - and we been kidding
> ourselves that is ok because he can't come on his meds but he started
> to over the last couple of months and likes it and so he does it more
> and more and we don't like it
sigh
> told him we worried couple of days ago and he laughed, he *actually*
> *laughed* at our concern and he said yeah no way, not with the shit
> sex we have and we said sex is sex and he said we don't do it often
> enough and we thought flipping heck (well, ok we thought ***** *****
> ***** ***** but you get the jist)
not ok to laugh at that concern
suggests lack of reality and lack of sense of responsibility
> a couple of times a week is *well* enough to be stacking the odds
> against ourselves
> keep feeling boobs to see if swollen or anything
> not due on until end of month
> didn't mark last period on calendar - either that or we missed it, and
> we can't remember :(
can do preg test at end of month then
> we're telling you guys here so hopefully we take a bit more notice of
> how silly we've been
k
> if we're embarassed/ashamed we'll be more likely to not do it again
sigh
fuzzy
wow
brave!!!!
must have been very hard
confuzzled
can see how that would upset alice
<...>
>
> very difficult last night.
> worrying about his reaction. how to tell him. where to tell him.
> get him all mixed up with dad
> hid the knives in the flat
>
understandable
> told him in a pub, felt a bit safer in company.
>
good plan
> he took it well. said he understood.
> we just very worried, rejection has the potential to eat away at him
> and make him all... ill
>
you can't take care of him
just compounds problems for both of you
> (switch) we very glad and very happy that we are free no longer
> trapped all squashed inside
> can do what we like and not have to say where we been or be back at a
> certain time
> no more get told off and feel stupid
> no more ick
> no more stupid judgements and can have own opinion do things *our* way
> not his 'right' way
> freedom freedom freedom
yea!
>
> (back again :)
> makes us laugh really, the amount of insight we have into our
> situation yet we still manage to fall into the trap of finding the
> first person that mose resembled our dad and terying to repeat the
> relationship.
> i don't know
don't think that's unusual
>
> he says he still wants to go out taking photos with us, and we said
> we'd like that cos we get lost easily and company is good
> just might wait a while before we have him back in flat - give it time
> to settle and see how he reacts. don't want no plans to do bad things
> to us.
very good idea to take time. make sure you have clear boundaries.
>
> thanks for helping me asd, i feel lighter than i have in months,
> really light and free and like the world is all opened up to us again
> just need to undo the 'damage' of a week of not-coping and we'll be
> fine
>
:)
> (the utter hatred of sex brought out yet another pregnancy scare with
> Sky (she was the one who had the baby)
> might as well share this too...
> we been irritable and having dizzy spells.
> thought it was from not taking our prozac regularly
> had thoughts one night - what if pregnant?
> dizzy spells scared the crap out of us
> and hunger.
> all can be explained away but...
> well, we've been playing with fire by not using proection (I know, i
> know, but we always say we never going to have sex again and then
> someone else comes in on autopilot and gives in to him and too late he
> doesn't like condoms - trigger for us too - and we been kidding
> ourselves that is ok because he can't come on his meds but he started
> to over the last couple of months and likes it and so he does it more
> and more and we don't like it
>
:(
> told him we worried couple of days ago and he laughed, he *actually*
> *laughed* at our concern and he said yeah no way, not with the shit
> sex we have and we said sex is sex and he said we don't do it often
> enough and we thought flipping heck (well, ok we thought ***** *****
> ***** ***** but you get the jist)
yes, and we agree. wasn't a caring and supportive reaction of his. wasnt ok
> a couple of times a week is *well* enough to be stacking the odds
> against ourselves
once is enough
> keep feeling boobs to see if swollen or anything
> not due on until end of month
> didn't mark last period on calendar - either that or we missed it, and
> we can't remember :(
>
would it be possible to get a pregnancy test?
> we're telling you guys here so hopefully we take a bit more notice of
> how silly we've been
> if we're embarassed/ashamed we'll be more likely to not do it again
wish you wouldn't be embarassed/ashamed. is difficult stuff you are
dealing with. is opportunities for growing and learning. think you done
a lot of growing and learning. we see growth and strength, not reason
for shame
russiandolly
> can do preg test at end of month then
>
is a long time away. trying to keep calm.
silly girl!
feeling very lost and lonely right now :(
oh well, we knew this would happen, and wrote a list of things to do
to keep busy
worrying about him too.
russiandolly
wrote:
yeah, they sell them in the pound shops round here!!!
> > we're telling you guys here so hopefully we take a bit more notice of
> > how silly we've been
> > if we're embarassed/ashamed we'll be more likely to not do it again
>
> wish you wouldn't be embarassed/ashamed. is difficult stuff you are
> dealing with. is opportunities for growing and learning. think you done
> a lot of growing and learning. we see growth and strength, not reason
> for shame
thanks :)
growing and learning is hard work
and then there's the inevitable mistakes
think we need to work on communication inside and making sure
everyone's happe, and listening to each others's advice and sensible
stuff. need to break down some barriers between parts of the system,
those who had bad things happen versus those that didn't. feels an
important barrier to open up.
astri
> thanks :)
> growing and learning is hard work
> and then there's the inevitable mistakes
> think we need to work on communication inside and making sure
> everyone's happe, and listening to each others's advice and sensible
> stuff. need to break down some barriers between parts of the system,
> those who had bad things happen versus those that didn't. feels an
> important barrier to open up.
sounds about right
russiandolly
goodness, our typing is terrible! you'd think we'd be used to the new
keyboard by now.
as we read over messages we've sent we see all our typos and there's
loads!
Sonata
hope things can be better for you guys now from that. good luck.
Sonata
yeek!
> ha. can't even believe we're saying that
> had talks with t on friday. lots of talk about how women fought for
> rights and there's us lying back and thinking of england...
> anyway...
> we like him as a friend, the posessiveness and the jealousy and
> irrational crap isn't there
>
> we were being incredibly nasty to him, and we could see that it was
> out of order when all we had to say was "look, we don't want this
> anymore"
>
> very difficult last night.
> worrying about his reaction. how to tell him. where to tell him.
> get him all mixed up with dad
> hid the knives in the flat
>
> told him in a pub, felt a bit safer in company.
>
> he took it well. said he understood.
> we just very worried, rejection has the potential to eat away at him
> and make him all... ill
not your responsitbility
>
> (switch) we very glad and very happy that we are free no longer
> trapped all squashed inside
> can do what we like and not have to say where we been or be back at a
> certain time
> no more get told off and feel stupid
> no more ick
> no more stupid judgements and can have own opinion do things *our* way
> not his 'right' way
> freedom freedom freedom
:)
>
> (back again :)
> makes us laugh really, the amount of insight we have into our
> situation yet we still manage to fall into the trap of finding the
> first person that mose resembled our dad and terying to repeat the
> relationship.
> i don't know
>
> he says he still wants to go out taking photos with us, and we said
> we'd like that cos we get lost easily and company is good
> just might wait a while before we have him back in flat - give it time
> to settle and see how he reacts. don't want no plans to do bad things
> to us.
>
> thanks for helping me asd, i feel lighter than i have in months,
:) glad
> really light and free and like the world is all opened up to us again
> just need to undo the 'damage' of a week of not-coping and we'll be
> fine
>
> (the utter hatred of sex brought out yet another pregnancy scare with
> Sky (she was the one who had the baby)
> might as well share this too...
> we been irritable and having dizzy spells.
> thought it was from not taking our prozac regularly
> had thoughts one night - what if pregnant?
> dizzy spells scared the crap out of us
dizzy spells are really annoying!
> and hunger.
> all can be explained away but...
> well, we've been playing with fire by not using proection (I know, i
> know, but we always say we never going to have sex again and then
> someone else comes in on autopilot and gives in to him and too late he
> doesn't like condoms - trigger for us too - and we been kidding
> ourselves that is ok because he can't come on his meds but he started
> to over the last couple of months and likes it and so he does it more
> and more and we don't like it
>
> told him we worried couple of days ago and he laughed, he *actually*
> *laughed* at our concern and he said yeah no way, not with the shit
> sex we have and we said sex is sex and he said we don't do it often
> enough and we thought flipping heck (well, ok we thought ***** *****
> ***** ***** but you get the jist)
> a couple of times a week is *well* enough to be stacking the odds
> against ourselves
even once is. he's an idiot :P
confuzzled
>>> we're telling you guys here so hopefully we take a bit more notice of
>>> how silly we've been
>>> if we're embarassed/ashamed we'll be more likely to not do it again
>> wish you wouldn't be embarassed/ashamed. is difficult stuff you are
>> dealing with. is opportunities for growing and learning. think you done
>> a lot of growing and learning. we see growth and strength, not reason
>> for shame
>
> thanks :)
> growing and learning is hard work
yes!
> and then there's the inevitable mistakes
> think we need to work on communication inside and making sure
> everyone's happe, and listening to each others's advice and sensible
> stuff. need to break down some barriers between parts of the system,
> those who had bad things happen versus those that didn't. feels an
> important barrier to open up.
wow. you really are doing hard work.
guess right now we feel like we need that barrier
russiandolly
heh, we're *talking* about it, we're not necessarily *doing* it, hee
hee
tried to let Pippa out with t yesterday. was hard.
astri
> tried to let Pippa out with t yesterday. was hard.
did she get to be there?
russiandolly
nope.
we're struggling like h*ll with it all :(
astri
> On Nov 14, 7:10 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
> On Sat, 14 Nov 2009, russiandolly wrote:
> > tried to let Pippa out with t yesterday. was hard.
>
> did she get to be there?
nope.
we're struggling like h*ll with it all :(
will eventually
confuzzled
understand!