should be coherent again in next day or so
Emerging Butterfly
hate binge-eating side effect
but need it for right now to be stable
J is picking up the prescription right now
i hate being on an anti-psychotic
i hate the binge eating
but i hate trying all these changes in meds and losing complete
control of who's out (and that's what happened -- complete loss of
control)
think being off seroquil made the alters and the memories louder
was like t*rture
so having one again today
but that means i'm psychotic doesn't it?
so then why don't the memories go away completely when i'm on it?
i don't want to be a person who has to be numbed
it means i'm too much and i'm unstable
and maybe even delusional
and then why don't all the delusions go away with the seroquil?
and i was losing weight and appetite was for healthy things off of it
now i gotta go back to bingeing
i don't like this
no like no like no like
Sonata
> got seroquil re-prescribed
> hate binge-eating side effect
> but need it for right now to be stable
> J is picking up the prescription right now
>
> i hate being on an anti-psychotic
> i hate the binge eating
> but i hate trying all these changes in meds and losing complete
> control of who's out (and that's what happened -- complete loss of
> control)
> think being off seroquil made the alters and the memories louder
> was like t*rture
:( regrets
>
> so having one again today
> but that means i'm psychotic doesn't it?
> so then why don't the memories go away completely when i'm on it?
because they're real?
>
> i don't want to be a person who has to be numbed
> it means i'm too much and i'm unstable
> and maybe even delusional
>
> and then why don't all the delusions go away with the seroquil?
because thet're real?
> and i was losing weight and appetite was for healthy things off of it
> now i gotta go back to bingeing
> i don't like this
> no like no like no like
regrets :(
cometz
seroquel is atypical antipsychotic. is also used for ppl who can't
sleep and to augment antidepressants. doesn't at all mean you
psychotic. antipsychotics are for bipoiar, which isn't psychoses, at
least as i understand it. i mean, the extreme mania is pretty insane
but i also think of psychotic as a state of being not necessarily
connected to bipolar. i was on it for a couple years. went off cause
of side effects and cause of wanting to see if we can manage without
it. we never dx'd as pyschotic. will tell you tho that there is a
recent study that showed that seroquel and some other newish
antipsychotic (also atypical category) had proven to be no more
effective than older drugs and that cause of seroquel's eating side
effect also had similar discontinuance (ama) percentages. which, as i
understand it, means that old line antipsychotics like lithium are as
effective, lots cheaper and far better documented than the newer
ones.
anyway, all these words are just to say taking it doesn't mean a dx.
means it helps you. when we first took it, like the first 3-4 months
it was like a missing key inside had turned in the lock. a friend who
also started it just after us, someone who is extremely debilitated by
sever bipolar (along with other hurting stuff) and he said same words
as i did. like it filled in something that was missing.
i try hard to stop borrowing trouble like deciding that a med, or a
dx, means a bad thing. dx, when accurate, help me understand the
struggle more. plus they mean there are ppl who understand it and can
help and i'm not a freak unlike anyone else. if a med works i am
hugely grateful cause my life is damn hard enough anyway. i'll take
help in a bottle, not counting alcohol. ;-)
betsy, who may have used all her words
astri
> got seroquil re-prescribed
> hate binge-eating side effect
> but need it for right now to be stable
> J is picking up the prescription right now
>
> i hate being on an anti-psychotic
> i hate the binge eating
> but i hate trying all these changes in meds and losing complete
> control of who's out (and that's what happened -- complete loss of
> control)
> think being off seroquil made the alters and the memories louder
> was like t*rture
>
> so having one again today
> but that means i'm psychotic doesn't it?
no
> so then why don't the memories go away completely when i'm on it?
because they're real
> i don't want to be a person who has to be numbed
> it means i'm too much and i'm unstable
> and maybe even delusional
sigh
> and then why don't all the delusions go away with the seroquil?
maybe they're not delusions?
maybe the delusions were the idea of the practically perfect childhood?
that's what you were talking about here.
> and i was losing weight and appetite was for healthy things off of it
> now i gotta go back to bingeing
> i don't like this
> no like no like no like
:(
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
Emerging Butterfly
heh -- thanks for using your allotment of words on us
makes us feel special
but we were losing weight so fast without the seroquil
and now we binge again being on it
hate the weight gain
we've gained 65 pounds on this stuff
not to mention all the money spent on groceries since we must eat when
it kicks in