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no
forget it. I'm just fine and this is a waste of space
not waste. if you feeling poorly you can share it here. my
communication skills, such as they are, are not in good form but i
will listen and hear.
betsy
dont really know what to do]
we still posting. why we still posting?why cant we give up
we not supposed to say that
we supposed to be fine
need to do something
sorry
> no
>
> forget it. I'm just fine and this is a waste of space
we here
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
> dunno
> cant thnk
> sorry
> just sorry
> we not trying hard enough
think you trying *very* hard
> dont really know what to do]
> we still posting. why we still posting?why cant we give up
> we not supposed to say that
> we supposed to be fine
> need to do something
> sorry
maybe first need to breath
and then share with asd
maybe can get help here
maybe don't worry that you don't have an answer right now about much
of all the stuff. is ok.
who says you supposed to be fine? supposed to is, imo, about what one
thinks one should be to make the outside world not be upset. it is an
unfair demand, and pretty much impossile to "be fine" when you
aren't.
is like those ppl when i was growing up who got very upset with
welfare programs and would go on and on about poor people pulling
themselves up by their bootstraps. when you have no boots you have no
straps. you need a hand.
you get to be fine or unfine as it is real for you. any ppl pushing
at you don't know or don't care what you need. so don't care what they
demand. you only owe to yourself, your creatures and your friends and
real friends will accept who you are when you are. don't mean that
will love all the stuff that is you, but they will still care about
you and want the best for you while understanding that it is very
difficult.
you definitely don't have to "be fine" here. that would be sad and imo
no one here would wish you to feel obliged to be fake for any reason.
betsy
sprru a
am such a whiner
understand that
is just gotta keep stumbling on
sometimes is all can do
regrets
can certainly make you feel sick
get headache from it
> sprru a
> am such a whiner
not a whiner
is hard big stuff
is frustrations
is unexpected roadblocks
just spilled everything in an email. mayb e could copy past here. dunno
if it matters
> who says you supposed to be fine? supposed to is, imo, about what one
> thinks one should be to make the outside world not be upset. it is an
> unfair demand, and pretty much impossile to "be fine" when you
> aren't.
>
we been trying to be fine lately.
> is like those ppl when i was growing up who got very upset with
> welfare programs and would go on and on about poor people pulling
> themselves up by their bootstraps. when you have no boots you have no
> straps. you need a hand.
>
not supposed to need a hand! we been needing too much lately. just isn't
ok. isnt. always we got problems. always. cant hide anymore. isnt ok
> you get to be fine or unfine as it is real for you. any ppl pushing
> at you don't know or don't care what you need. so don't care what they
> demand. you only owe to yourself, your creatures and your friends and
> real friends will accept who you are when you are. don't mean that
> will love all the stuff that is you, but they will still care about
> you and want the best for you while understanding that it is very
> difficult.
>
> you definitely don't have to "be fine" here. that would be sad and imo
> no one here would wish you to feel obliged to be fake for any reason.
>
k
maybe could get more perspectives here, as well?
>> who says you supposed to be fine? supposed to is, imo, about what
>> one thinks one should be to make the outside world not be upset. it
>> is an unfair demand, and pretty much impossile to "be fine" when you
>> aren't.
>>
> we been trying to be fine lately.
know that
(us too)
>> is like those ppl when i was growing up who got very upset with
>> welfare programs and would go on and on about poor people pulling
>> themselves up by their bootstraps. when you have no boots you have
>> no straps. you need a hand.
>>
> not supposed to need a hand! we been needing too much lately. just
> isn't ok. isnt. always we got problems. always. cant hide anymore.
> isnt ok
doesn't feel ok
but people not meant to live in isolation
people not meant to not need
(should listen to self)
(bah)
<...>
>>> maybe don't worry that you don't have an answer right now about much
>>> of all the stuff. is ok.
>>
>> just spilled everything in an email. mayb e could copy past here.
>> dunno if it matters
>
> maybe could get more perspectives here, as well?
>
k
>>> who says you supposed to be fine? supposed to is, imo, about what
>>> one thinks one should be to make the outside world not be upset. it
>>> is an unfair demand, and pretty much impossile to "be fine" when you
>>> aren't.
>>>
>> we been trying to be fine lately.
>
> know that
> (us too)
>
<sigh>
didnt work
think maybe we weren't just crying but having pamic attack?
dunno. chest hurts. whole body hurts. hate saying that. is whiny
now we even more tired though. maybe ran out
>>> is like those ppl when i was growing up who got very upset with
>>> welfare programs and would go on and on about poor people pulling
>>> themselves up by their bootstraps. when you have no boots you have
>>> no straps. you need a hand.
>>>
>> not supposed to need a hand! we been needing too much lately. just
>> isn't ok. isnt. always we got problems. always. cant hide anymore.
>> isnt ok
>
> doesn't feel ok
> but people not meant to live in isolation
> people not meant to not need
> (should listen to self)
> (bah)
>
ja
so when you gonna post :P
is just too much
car broke. is mufffler/exhaust. had to tuck things back together to get
home in dark and rain after exhausting dya of work
old cat not eating and sick like again
just cant
stupid shooting conviction all over the news. (think we'v posted about
that before. we had met two of the people who got shot) lesst they
convicted the guy
neighbor emailed to say her dog died. which we figured out already but
now we know. have been missing the dog already (is dumb. not even ouir dog)
if old cat gets worse cant even take her to vet cuz of car
thought we couldn't go see t tomorrow probably but she called back and
siad if we cant see her thursday we can from friday at 8, an dd NOW we
melting
and didn't want to melt cuz shes being all nice and isnt fair gott a
hold together. melted anyway. all mixed about t
no
(maybe)
> think maybe we weren't just crying but having pamic attack?
could well
was worthy of one :P
> dunno. chest hurts. whole body hurts. hate saying that. is whiny
> now we even more tired though. maybe ran out
not whiney
>>>> is like those ppl when i was growing up who got very upset with
>>>> welfare programs and would go on and on about poor people pulling
>>>> themselves up by their bootstraps. when you have no boots you have
>>>> no straps. you need a hand.
>>>>
>>> not supposed to need a hand! we been needing too much lately. just
>>> isn't ok. isnt. always we got problems. always. cant hide anymore.
>>> isnt ok
>>
>> doesn't feel ok
>> but people not meant to live in isolation
>> people not meant to not need
>> (should listen to self)
>> (bah)
>>
> ja
> so when you gonna post :P
sigh
t not really back
even if in town
prolly not safe
and we should *stop* *reading* *the* *news*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> k, from an email I wrote about today (slightly editted to take out
> names and add bit detail),,,
>
> is just too much
is
> car broke. is mufffler/exhaust. had to tuck things back together to
> get home in dark and rain after exhausting dya of work
whoosh
> old cat not eating and sick like again
> just cant
:(
> stupid shooting conviction all over the news. (think we'v posted
> about that before. we had met two of the people who got shot) lesst
> they convicted the guy
hard to hear it replayed
> neighbor emailed to say her dog died. which we figured out already
> but now we know. have been missing the dog already (is dumb. not even
> ouir dog)
sigh
> if old cat gets worse cant even take her to vet cuz of car
:(
> thought we couldn't go see t tomorrow probably but she called back
> and siad if we cant see her thursday we can from friday at 8, an dd
> NOW we melting
>
> and didn't want to melt cuz shes being all nice and isnt fair gott a
> hold together. melted anyway. all mixed about t
is expectable
>> think maybe we weren't just crying but having pamic attack?
>
> could well
> was worthy of one :P
>
k
>> dunno. chest hurts. whole body hurts. hate saying that. is whiny
>> now we even more tired though. maybe ran out
>
> not whiney
>
<sigh>
supposed to say feels whiny
hard to remember
>>>>> is like those ppl when i was growing up who got very upset with
>>>>> welfare programs and would go on and on about poor people pulling
>>>>> themselves up by their bootstraps. when you have no boots you have
>>>>> no straps. you need a hand.
>>>>>
>>>> not supposed to need a hand! we been needing too much lately. just
>>>> isn't ok. isnt. always we got problems. always. cant hide anymore.
>>>> isnt ok
>>>
>>> doesn't feel ok
>>> but people not meant to live in isolation
>>> people not meant to not need
>>> (should listen to self)
>>> (bah)
>>>
>> ja
>> so when you gonna post :P
>
> sigh
> t not really back
> even if in town
> prolly not safe
regrets
do believe you have to trust t to take care of herself
ja, I used the trust word
>
> and we should *stop* *reading* *the* *news*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
something in particular?
more talk about governemnt employees?
dunno
maybe gets cancelled friday
but at least got 2 week holiday coming up
tomorrow last day work til new year
>>> think maybe we weren't just crying but having pamic attack?
>>
>> could well
>> was worthy of one :P
>>
> k
>
>>> dunno. chest hurts. whole body hurts. hate saying that. is whiny
>>> now we even more tired though. maybe ran out
>>
>> not whiney
>>
> <sigh>
> supposed to say feels whiny
> hard to remember
yeah
>>>>> not supposed to need a hand! we been needing too much lately.
>>>>> just isn't ok. isnt. always we got problems. always. cant hide
>>>>> anymore. isnt ok
>>>>
>>>> doesn't feel ok
>>>> but people not meant to live in isolation
>>>> people not meant to not need
>>>> (should listen to self)
>>>> (bah)
>>>>
>>> ja
>>> so when you gonna post :P
>>
>> sigh
>> t not really back
>> even if in town
>> prolly not safe
>
> regrets
> do believe you have to trust t to take care of herself
maybe she gonna cancel
and not sure about appointments in next 2 weeks
stoopid holidays are on fridays
she usually makes time for us
but maybe she have to cancel
> ja, I used the trust word
sigh
>> and we should *stop* *reading* *the* *news*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>
> something in particular?
> more talk about governemnt employees?
that's just idiocy
but we keep clicking on those rubbernecker stories
people do horrible things :(
but we fine, of course
<sigh>
>
>> car broke. is mufffler/exhaust. had to tuck things back together to
>> get home in dark and rain after exhausting dya of work
>
> whoosh
>
(pets mentioned below)
whole flipping thing is falling apart. thought about just driving to
mechanic place and leaving it and walking home. don't mind walking in
the dark. don't mind walking in the rain. was a really long day and had
some groceries, and a 30 pound dog of bag food. dunno. maybe should have
done it anyway. probably could have gotten the dog food later. think pup
has enough for next few days but wasn't *sure*. now we have tto drive
car back to mechanic and hope we don't leave bits of exhaust/muffler on
road. is only about 2 miles
>> old cat not eating and sick like again
>> just cant
>
> :(
>
can't think much about that one
will schedule vet appoint for saturday and hope she holds somewhat
stable till then
>> stupid shooting conviction all over the news. (think we'v posted
>> about that before. we had met two of the people who got shot) lesst
>> they convicted the guy
>
> hard to hear it replayed
>
hope its done now. didn't think it would hit us that hard. am really
glad he got convicted. doesn't fix anything though. one person still
d*ad and others still have damaged bodies. is all wrong. makes us mad.
don't like to be mad.
>> neighbor emailed to say her dog died. which we figured out already
>> but now we know. have been missing the dog already (is dumb. not even
>> ouir dog)
>
> sigh
>
ja. was expected. she was a good dog. we took care of her lots. she was
as bad a food hound as wondermutt
>> if old cat gets worse cant even take her to vet cuz of car
>
> :(
>
>> thought we couldn't go see t tomorrow probably but she called back
>> and siad if we cant see her thursday we can from friday at 8, an dd
>> NOW we melting
>>
>> and didn't want to melt cuz shes being all nice and isnt fair gott a
>> hold together. melted anyway. all mixed about t
>
> is expectable
>
<sigh>
now really need to go bed
not think about tomorrow. need to think about... hmmm... dunno
oh. get to see n next week... except dont really want to think about
next week *hate* this time of year. so maybe will think about camping
with n. april. not that far away
yes
>>> car broke. is mufffler/exhaust. had to tuck things back together to
>>> get home in dark and rain after exhausting dya of work
>>
>> whoosh
>>
> (pets mentioned below)
>
> whole flipping thing is falling apart. thought about just driving to
> mechanic place and leaving it and walking home. don't mind walking in
> the dark. don't mind walking in the rain. was a really long day and
> had some groceries, and a 30 pound dog of bag food. dunno. maybe
> should have done it anyway. probably could have gotten the dog food
> later. think pup has enough for next few days but wasn't *sure*. now
> we have tto drive car back to mechanic and hope we don't leave bits
> of exhaust/muffler on road. is only about 2 miles
sigh
>>> old cat not eating and sick like again
>>> just cant
>>
>> :(
>>
> can't think much about that one
k
> will schedule vet appoint for saturday and hope she holds somewhat
> stable till then
yes
>>> stupid shooting conviction all over the news. (think we'v posted
>>> about that before. we had met two of the people who got shot) lesst
>>> they convicted the guy
>>
>> hard to hear it replayed
>>
> hope its done now. didn't think it would hit us that hard. am really
> glad he got convicted. doesn't fix anything though. one person still
> d*ad and others still have damaged bodies. is all wrong. makes us
> mad. don't like to be mad.
no
>>> neighbor emailed to say her dog died. which we figured out already
>>> but now we know. have been missing the dog already (is dumb. not
>>> even ouir dog)
>>
>> sigh
>>
> ja. was expected. she was a good dog. we took care of her lots. she
> was as bad a food hound as wondermutt
regrets
>>> if old cat gets worse cant even take her to vet cuz of car
>>
>> :(
>>
>>> thought we couldn't go see t tomorrow probably but she called back
>>> and siad if we cant see her thursday we can from friday at 8, an dd
>>> NOW we melting
>>>
>>> and didn't want to melt cuz shes being all nice and isnt fair gott a
>>> hold together. melted anyway. all mixed about t
>>
>> is expectable
>>
> <sigh>
>
> now really need to go bed
k
> not think about tomorrow. need to think about... hmmm... dunno
> oh. get to see n next week... except dont really want to think about
> *next week hate* this time of year. so maybe will think about camping
> *with n. april. not
> that far away
you always have fun there
<...>
>>>>>> not supposed to need a hand! we been needing too much lately.
>>>>>> just isn't ok. isnt. always we got problems. always. cant hide
>>>>>> anymore. isnt ok
>>>>>
>>>>> doesn't feel ok
>>>>> but people not meant to live in isolation
>>>>> people not meant to not need
>>>>> (should listen to self)
>>>>> (bah)
>>>>>
>>>> ja
>>>> so when you gonna post :P
>>>
>>> sigh
>>> t not really back
>>> even if in town
>>> prolly not safe
>>
>> regrets
>> do believe you have to trust t to take care of herself
>
> maybe she gonna cancel
> and not sure about appointments in next 2 weeks
> stoopid holidays are on fridays
> she usually makes time for us
> but maybe she have to cancel
>
she not gone forever. she working to be available
seems like you setting self up
not allowing feelings
going going which is exhausting
not able to believe t is back
not allowing self to post at asd
you holding back lots
where's the pressure release?
>> ja, I used the trust word
>
> sigh
>
>>> and we should *stop* *reading* *the* *news*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>
>> something in particular?
>> more talk about governemnt employees?
>
> that's just idiocy
>
yes
> but we keep clicking on those rubbernecker stories
> people do horrible things :(
>
guess we've missed the rubbernecker stories?
> but we fine, of course
>
which version
guests coming thursday
need clean house by thursday
>>>>> so when you gonna post :P
>>>>
>>>> sigh
>>>> t not really back
>>>> even if in town
>>>> prolly not safe
>>>
>>> regrets
>>> do believe you have to trust t to take care of herself
>>
>> maybe she gonna cancel
>> and not sure about appointments in next 2 weeks
>> stoopid holidays are on fridays
>> she usually makes time for us
>> but maybe she have to cancel
>>
> she not gone forever. she working to be available
but don't know when can trust it
> seems like you setting self up
> not allowing feelings
> going going which is exhausting
> not able to believe t is back
> not allowing self to post at asd
>
> you holding back lots
> where's the pressure release?
dunno
>>>> and we should *stop* *reading* *the* *news*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>
>>> something in particular?
>>> more talk about governemnt employees?
>>
>> that's just idiocy
>>
> yes
online site not letting us read comments now, anyway
prolly better
>> but we keep clicking on those rubbernecker stories
>> people do horrible things :(
>>
> guess we've missed the rubbernecker stories?
made that term up
you know about rubbernecking at accident scenes?
all the cars passing slow down as drivers turn to look
that's called rubbernecking
talking about stories about nasty stuff happening to people
(kids)
>> but we fine, of course
>>
> which version
prolly most of them
> is definitely true that kindness can make us melt when we holding
> together and other stuff won't
yes!
>>>>>> so when you gonna post :P
>>>>>
>>>>> sigh
>>>>> t not really back
>>>>> even if in town
>>>>> prolly not safe
>>>>
>>>> regrets
>>>> do believe you have to trust t to take care of herself
>>>
>>> maybe she gonna cancel
>>> and not sure about appointments in next 2 weeks
>>> stoopid holidays are on fridays
>>> she usually makes time for us
>>> but maybe she have to cancel
>>>
>> she not gone forever. she working to be available
>
> but don't know when can trust it
>
<sigh>
understand
>> seems like you setting self up
>> not allowing feelings
>> going going which is exhausting
>> not able to believe t is back
>> not allowing self to post at asd
>>
>> you holding back lots
>> where's the pressure release?
>
> dunno
>
:/
>>>>> and we should *stop* *reading* *the* *news*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>
>>>> something in particular?
>>>> more talk about governemnt employees?
>>>
>>> that's just idiocy
>>>
>> yes
>
> online site not letting us read comments now, anyway
> prolly better
>
is prolly better
>>> but we keep clicking on those rubbernecker stories
>>> people do horrible things :(
>>>
>> guess we've missed the rubbernecker stories?
>
> made that term up
> you know about rubbernecking at accident scenes?
> all the cars passing slow down as drivers turn to look
> that's called rubbernecking
>
yes
> talking about stories about nasty stuff happening to people
> (kids)
>
:/
guess we been avoiding the news lately
>>> but we fine, of course
>>>
>> which version
>
> prolly most of them
>
k
regretss
ummm
everyone in house decided cleaning would be good
then it started to be 5-year cleaning
and we kind of have ended up doing most of it
(have welcomed the excuse for mindless busy-ness)
>>>>>>> so when you gonna post :P
>>>>>>
>>>>>> sigh
>>>>>> t not really back
>>>>>> even if in town
>>>>>> prolly not safe
>>>>>
>>>>> regrets
>>>>> do believe you have to trust t to take care of herself
>>>>
>>>> maybe she gonna cancel
>>>> and not sure about appointments in next 2 weeks
>>>> stoopid holidays are on fridays
>>>> she usually makes time for us
>>>> but maybe she have to cancel
>>>>
>>> she not gone forever. she working to be available
>>
>> but don't know when can trust it
>>
> <sigh>
> understand
she says more settled
>>> seems like you setting self up
>>> not allowing feelings
>>> going going which is exhausting
>>> not able to believe t is back
>>> not allowing self to post at asd
>>>
>>> you holding back lots
>>> where's the pressure release?
>>
>> dunno
>>
> :/
>
>>>>>> and we should *stop* *reading* *the* *news*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>>>>
>>>>> something in particular?
>>>>> more talk about governemnt employees?
>>>>
>>>> that's just idiocy
>>>>
>>> yes
>>
>> online site not letting us read comments now, anyway
>> prolly better
>>
> is prolly better
yah
>>>> but we keep clicking on those rubbernecker stories
>>>> people do horrible things :(
>>>>
>>> guess we've missed the rubbernecker stories?
>>
>> made that term up
>> you know about rubbernecking at accident scenes?
>> all the cars passing slow down as drivers turn to look
>> that's called rubbernecking
>>
> yes
>
>> talking about stories about nasty stuff happening to people
>> (kids)
>>
> :/
> guess we been avoiding the news lately
we should
mostly just read headlines
but then invariably follow those links
shouldn't but do
no self-control
>>>> but we fine, of course
>>>>
>>> which version
>>
>> prolly most of them
>>
> k
> regretss
oh well
shouldn't be exhausted any more
been sleeping lots
and not doing as much
:P
yes, too.
jt