hi there all!
an15...@anon.penet.fi
it's taken me a long time to work up to this. i'm just trying to say hi,
but it's hard. i read the faq, but i'm not sure i'm doing this right.
last wednesday i went to see a therapist. it was my first time, except
for one to a clinic where i was told to go to a pro. after all that, i
ended up here, based on others' recommendations. hey, it's been a
confusing coupla months. really, my so and a friend made me go the
therapist. i never would have on my own.
oh, pardon my use of "i". i'm still trying to get a grip on the whole thing.
let me intro myself. i'm a female grad student, early 20s. and now i've
been told that i probably have some kind of dissociative disorder.
i have so many questions! no answers! most of what raised eyebrows has
seemed normal to me. i didn't even have the heart to go into too much
with the therapist. when i went, there were 2 - one a psychiatrist,
asking medical-type questions. weird.
this is all chaotic. i'm not going anywhere, just babbling. i have
holes in my memory where i do odd things, my friend and so say. i
vaguely recall them, but it's hazy. i say and do things i never would.
i act like a child, they say.
just reading this group gives me shivers from familiarity. so much rings
true when you talk about the everyday stuff!
i guess i should ask some of my questions. if i say anything that
bothers anyone, i'm sorry.
*what do you dream? i have the most bizarre dreams, especially when
things get really hairy...
*i've read that a lot of people here have been abused. i haven't! what
else could cause this?!?
*do you have problems at work especially, or at home especially? i've
noticed a general separation, i think.
*how do you handle telling others about this? i had an impossible time
with my friend - i couldn't even speak for a bit. i just can't tell my
family, who i don't often see. when i told my friend, he said,
"and i thought you were just a moody b*tch!"
enough questions. again, i'm curious - not trying to offend. pardon my
ignorance. i'm new at this.
what else to say? so much of this has been "o.k." to me. just lately
things have gotten bad. i've gotten violent with my so, acted odd in
front of my friend, etc.
well, i guess that's it. i'd love to hear from anyone on this!
the forum
"what would you give for your kid fears?" - indigo girls
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saphyre gazelles
hihi forum :)
the forum spake:
>it's taken me a long time to work up to this. i'm just trying to say hi,
>but it's hard. i read the faq, but i'm not sure i'm doing this right.
you did fine :)
to my knowledge, nobody bites here ;)
(i hope so anyway!)
<snip>
>i have so many questions! no answers! most of what raised eyebrows has
>seemed normal to me. i didn't even have the heart to go into too much
>with the therapist. when i went, there were 2 - one a psychiatrist,
>asking medical-type questions. weird.
i *still* spend tons of time
with ppl (singular ppl)
going "but doesnt everyone do that?"
after all
being plural is my (our) only perspective
so it seems normal to us...
>this is all chaotic. i'm not going anywhere, just babbling. i have
>holes in my memory where i do odd things, my friend and so say. i
>vaguely recall them, but it's hazy. i say and do things i never would.
>i act like a child, they say.
*nodding*
yupyup
we do this
this is how we feel
memories that seem like dream sequences
(even from just yesterday, or 5 minutes ago maybe)
and feeling big, little, inbetween
and the holes in your memory
that's called "losing time"
very common...
<snip>
>*what do you dream? i have the most bizarre dreams, especially when
>things get really hairy...
some very odd things
dont remember them for very long
after waking up
but some are very very odd
we try not to get to worked up about dreams tho
>*i've read that a lot of people here have been abused. i haven't! what
>else could cause this?!?
i hate to break this too you
but being dissociative/mp
is a defense mechanism
whose hole purpose
is to keep the memory of abuse
out of your consciousness
(so you can survive/function/whatever)
the better it works
the farther away those memories will be
i think you can safely assume
at this point
that there's stuff
that happened to you
that you have no clue about
heck
we've known we were mp
since march
and we've only barely scratched the surface
of the past
i remember all those days
of saying
well at least i wasnt SA!
at least *that* didnt hapen to me!
<sigh>
>*do you have problems at work especially, or at home especially? i've
>noticed a general separation, i think.
um
both?
just different problems
>*how do you handle telling others about this? i had an impossible time
>with my friend - i couldn't even speak for a bit. i just can't tell my
>family, who i don't often see. when i told my friend, he said,
>"and i thought you were just a moody b*tch!"
veeery carefully
i think one of the more important things we've learned
is that we dont *owe* anybody an explanation
we've got stockpiles of likely excuses
that we've been using for years
that ppl buy into just nicely, thank you
(oh, i'm sorry, i'm a bit tired
i'm brain fried today. can you repeat that?
no, i dont remember. jog my memory a bit?
oh, i was feeling a bit strange that day...)
>what else to say? so much of this has been "o.k." to me. just lately
>things have gotten bad. i've gotten violent with my so, acted odd in
>front of my friend, etc.
yep
when it starts getting out of control
that's a good time to start working on things
>well, i guess that's it. i'd love to hear from anyone on this!
is nice to meet yous
feel free to write if you'd like :)
the sapphire gazelles
***** @}-'-,-- >< --`-,-{@ *****
* *
`_ If you follow the pack, the view never changes.
`___/ If you follow the river, in time, all the
// \\ splendor of the world will come to you.
* *
****** the sapphire gazelles *** an10...@anon.penet.fi ******
"MPD, I am now convinced, is nothing more than when your
states of mind have names. Well, and their own opinions."
- Jilara the Exile