Guy and Girls
Hannibal
any littles in my system anymore. And the male/female aspect of my
system has completely disappeared. I suspect that we still switch.
But whomever I am, I am me. This new type of system seems to work for
us. The Goblins were lots of fun. And in many respects they are
still here. But there is just something about us all that is less
strained. We are more tranquil.
Best wishes,
Peter
jill
Maybe less anxiety means the walls are less thick? I know that
when we were at our most anxious (and the ptsd stuff was totally
out of control) we were so disconnected from each other that I
actually saw one of the insiders walking around OUTSIDE of the
body!!!! I _knew_ that was impossible and yet... there she was.
So, if anxiety can get me to that point, I'm sure it can get
me to having less connection inside. And of course now that I
have minimal anxiety, I have no walls inside :)
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
cometz
> In article <66adb061-6b75-4c8a-ad46-dca3ebe9b...@t42g2000vba.googlegroups.com>,
kind of relieved to hear you say this about seeing insider be outside.
when little saw one of us floating around over the dinner table
laughing at the foo cause they couldn't see her. knew it wasn't me,
but at that age wasn't sure about the floating thing.
few times, twice at teen and once as adult of being smushed back and
watching bb talking to other ppl. had very bad time after those. get
sort of catatonic feeling. hasn't happened in a long time.
sorry about messing up thread. just had some relief. never knew anyone
who had this happen.
betsy
jill
cometz <come...@gmail.com> wrote:
>On Dec 23, 9:03=A0pm, j...@tuells.org (jill) wrote:
>> In article <66adb061-6b75-4c8a-ad46-dca3ebe9b...@t42g2000vba.googlegroups=
>.com>,
>>
>> Hannibal =A0<b...@telus.net> wrote:
>> >There is one thing that I have noticed lately. =A0There don't seem to be
>> >any littles in my system anymore. =A0And the male/female aspect of my
>> >system has completely disappeared. =A0I suspect that we still switch.
>> >But whomever I am, I am me. =A0This new type of system seems to work for
>> >us. =A0The Goblins were lots of fun. =A0And in many respects they are
>> >still here. =A0But there is just something about us all that is less
>> >strained. =A0We are more tranquil.
>>
>> >Best wishes,
>>
>> >Peter
>>
>> Maybe less anxiety means the walls are less thick? I know that
>> when we were at our most anxious (and the ptsd stuff was totally
>> out of control) we were so disconnected from each other that I
>> actually saw one of the insiders walking around OUTSIDE of the
>> body!!!! I _knew_ that was impossible and yet... there she was.
>> So, if anxiety can get me to that point, I'm sure it can get
>> me to having less connection inside. And of course now that I
>> have minimal anxiety, I have no walls inside :)
>>
>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>
>when little saw one of us floating around over the dinner table
>laughing at the foo cause they couldn't see her. knew it wasn't me,
>but at that age wasn't sure about the floating thing.
>
>few times, twice at teen and once as adult of being smushed back and
>watching bb talking to other ppl. had very bad time after those. get
>sort of catatonic feeling. hasn't happened in a long time.
>
>sorry about messing up thread. just had some relief. never knew anyone
>who had this happen.
>
>betsy
When the body was young we talked to each other and saw each other as
seperate individuals. At the time none of us thought it was weird or
anything but knew it had to be kept secret for some reason. Of course
we were differently multiple then compared to when the body was older
(kids idea of being many is different because kids sense of self is
different and some people even argue that really young toddlers are
naturally many). By about 5th grade we were no longer externally
seperate and there was a lot more chaos and ptsd overlayed so we
were more sure we were crazy rather than just many :P
Then in high school some of us (not me at that time) saw others of
us externally and heard some of us externally and decided that was
proof we were crazy. That is when we became su*cidal and seriously
depressed (again, not _me_ but others, by then I was simply a facade
and had almost no independent self) and we ended up inpt for the first
time.
Then when some stuff happened with SO and us and the anxiety got
really really bad we started hearing insiders talking outside of
the body (this was when we were early to mid 20s) and I took it
as proof positive that I was absolutely totally psychotic.
Then the anxiety got worse as the stuff got worse and then we started
seeing one of the inside kids walking around externally (and
hallucinated other stuff that is really bad bad bad :() and we ended
up inpt and met the bestest t'pist. As soon as he heard about me being
psychotic he taught us about ptsd and how serious anxiety messes with
brain chemicals.
What a relief!
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
Hannibal
> In article <66adb061-6b75-4c8a-ad46-dca3ebe9b...@t42g2000vba.googlegroups.com>,
Hi Jill,
It is strange for us because our anxiety levels are very high. The
last time we were this sick we spent time in the hospital. There is
something else going on in my system. Something that I cannot
explain. I did get a prescription for Ativan. And it seems to be
helping a lot to stop the panic attacks.
Best wishes,
Peter,
Hal107,
Goblins
jill
Hannibal <ba...@telus.net> wrote:
>On Dec 23, 9:03=A0pm, j...@tuells.org (jill) wrote:
>> In article <66adb061-6b75-4c8a-ad46-dca3ebe9b...@t42g2000vba.googlegroups=
>.com>,
>>
>> >There is one thing that I have noticed lately. =A0There don't seem to be
>> >any littles in my system anymore. =A0And the male/female aspect of my
>> >system has completely disappeared. =A0I suspect that we still switch.
>> >But whomever I am, I am me. =A0This new type of system seems to work for
>> >us. =A0The Goblins were lots of fun. =A0And in many respects they are
>> >still here. =A0But there is just something about us all that is less
>> >strained. =A0We are more tranquil.
>>
>> >Best wishes,
>>
>> >Peter
>>
>> Maybe less anxiety means the walls are less thick? I know that
>> when we were at our most anxious (and the ptsd stuff was totally
>> out of control) we were so disconnected from each other that I
>> actually saw one of the insiders walking around OUTSIDE of the
>> body!!!! I _knew_ that was impossible and yet... there she was.
>> So, if anxiety can get me to that point, I'm sure it can get
>> me to having less connection inside. And of course now that I
>> have minimal anxiety, I have no walls inside :)
>>
>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>
>
>It is strange for us because our anxiety levels are very high. The
>last time we were this sick we spent time in the hospital. There is
>something else going on in my system. Something that I cannot
>explain. I did get a prescription for Ativan. And it seems to be
>helping a lot to stop the panic attacks.
>
>Best wishes,
>
>Peter,
>Hal107,
>Goblins
Hmm, interesting that you would be so tranquil and yet so anxious.
I agree something is going on! It doesn't sound like a negative
thing though :) When we were really anxious we used ativan as well.
It works very quickly which is good. Of course we were only given
10 pills at time cause it can be dangerous :P
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ubiquity
It works ok for us. Better than nothing. Hoping we get something in
january when we see a doc. T is refering us for anxiety meds. She said
sleep med might be good to, but understandable that we don't like them.
(t)
--
-ubiquity constellation
Hannibal
> > Hannibal <b...@telus.net> wrote:
> > >There is one thing that I have noticed lately. There don't seem to be
> > >any littles in my system anymore. And the male/female aspect of my
> > >system has completely disappeared. I suspect that we still switch.
> > >But whomever I am, I am me. This new type of system seems to work for
> > >us. The Goblins were lots of fun. And in many respects they are
> > >still here. But there is just something about us all that is less
> > >strained. We are more tranquil.
>
> > >Best wishes,
>
> > >Peter
>
I want to talk about my feelings regarding the male/female duality in
my system and the problem of trust, especially from the early time in
which I started to express these thoughts to my doctors. Perhaps this
can be an important lesson for others. I suspect that I trusted too
quickly and not all doctors are able to fully understand these ideas
(just a human limitation). And when they demonstrated responses I had
not expected. I felt exposed, embarrassed, and vulnerable. My
thoughts became frenzied, and I wondered if they would talk about my
condition to others, because it is so odd. I had observed some
doctors talk about the occasional patient at parties etc (without
naming the patient of course). But I am sure I had nothing like that
to fear. The only things I fear are the extremes to which my paranoia
will go. And I still have that fear. And I continually guard against
any further flare-ups.
Peter,
Hal107,
Goblins
astri
> I want to talk about my feelings regarding the male/female duality in
> my system and the problem of trust, especially from the early time in
> which I started to express these thoughts to my doctors. Perhaps this
> can be an important lesson for others. I suspect that I trusted too
> quickly and not all doctors are able to fully understand these ideas
> (just a human limitation). And when they demonstrated responses I had
> not expected. I felt exposed, embarrassed, and vulnerable. My
> thoughts became frenzied, and I wondered if they would talk about my
> condition to others, because it is so odd. I had observed some
think that's not such an unrealistic fear
> doctors talk about the occasional patient at parties etc (without
> naming the patient of course). But I am sure I had nothing like that
> to fear. The only things I fear are the extremes to which my paranoia
> will go. And I still have that fear. And I continually guard against
> any further flare-ups.
what abou tthe male/female duality?
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
Hannibal
Hi Astri,
The male/female duality seems to have completely disappeared. We are
just ourselves. It is something we can grow accustomed to feeling.
But the PTSD is terrible. I wonder if splitting was our way of
dealing with the tremendous anxiety. And now that we are not so
greatly split, the anxiety is harming us. And we feel so sad that we
had so little control over our expressing outrageous thoughts on the
newsgroups. It is a window into just how sick we were. And just how
sick we might still be now.
Peter,
Hal107,
Goblins
astri
> The male/female duality seems to have completely disappeared. We are
> just ourselves. It is something we can grow accustomed to feeling.
k
> But the PTSD is terrible. I wonder if splitting was our way of
> dealing with the tremendous anxiety. And now that we are not so
> greatly split, the anxiety is harming us. And we feel so sad that we
could be
maybe everyone had just a bit of it?
is you t helping with what to do with the anxiety?
> had so little control over our expressing outrageous thoughts on the
> newsgroups. It is a window into just how sick we were. And just how
> sick we might still be now.
still afraid of that?
Hannibal
> On Fri, 25 Dec 2009, Hannibal wrote:
> > The male/female duality seems to have completely disappeared. We are
> > just ourselves. It is something we can grow accustomed to feeling.
>
> k
>
> > But the PTSD is terrible. I wonder if splitting was our way of
> > dealing with the tremendous anxiety. And now that we are not so
> > greatly split, the anxiety is harming us. And we feel so sad that we
>
> could be
>
> maybe everyone had just a bit of it?
That is probably the case. And each identity dealt with it in a
different way. Goblin13 (The Brat) would make fun of people and
Hannibal, Juggernaut, and Relic, would be angry.
>
> is you t helping with what to do with the anxiety?
My t is very good. He is helping me a little bit at a time. In
particular, I explained to me that anxiety makes me over-react to
things, over-analyze things, and suspect other people's motives.
I suppose that now we can no longer split up the anxiety amongst us, I
must face it directly. But yesterday, I really thought I would be
defeated. I was very frightened.
>
> > had so little control over our expressing outrageous thoughts on the
> > newsgroups. It is a window into just how sick we were. And just how
> > sick we might still be now.
>
> still afraid of that?
>
Yes. I might split up again and engage in all sorts of strange
behaviours. But I am gradually learning to cope.
> -- astri
>
> ======================
> to email send to astri
> ======================
> at volcano dot org
> ======================
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
astri
> On Dec 25, 6:07 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Fri, 25 Dec 2009, Hannibal wrote:
>>
>>> But the PTSD is terrible. I wonder if splitting was our way of
>>> dealing with the tremendous anxiety. And now that we are not so
>>> greatly split, the anxiety is harming us. And we feel so sad that
>>> we
>>
>> could be
>>
>> maybe everyone had just a bit of it?
>
> That is probably the case. And each identity dealt with it in a
> different way. Goblin13 (The Brat) would make fun of people and
> Hannibal, Juggernaut, and Relic, would be angry.
k
>> is you t helping with what to do with the anxiety?
>
> My t is very good. He is helping me a little bit at a time. In
> particular, I explained to me that anxiety makes me over-react to
> things, over-analyze things, and suspect other people's motives.
yes
> I suppose that now we can no longer split up the anxiety amongst us,
> I must face it directly. But yesterday, I really thought I would be
> defeated. I was very frightened.
:(
>>
>>> had so little control over our expressing outrageous thoughts on
>>> the newsgroups. It is a window into just how sick we were. And just
>>> how sick we might still be now.
>>
>> still afraid of that?
>>
>
> Yes. I might split up again and engage in all sorts of strange
> behaviours. But I am gradually learning to cope.
k
Hannibal
> In article <268e2001-00aa-44f8-a4ee-adb56c45b...@e37g2000yqn.googlegroups.com>,
Hi Jill,
My feelings are very confused right now. And I feel as though I am
exposed to all of the upset from the past. I am tranquil in that I
don't get angry. But I am anxious about so many sad things.
Peter,
Hal107,
Goblins
jill
Hannibal <ba...@telus.net> wrote:
>On Dec 24, 9:29=A0pm, j...@tuells.org (jill) wrote:
>> In article <268e2001-00aa-44f8-a4ee-adb56c45b...@e37g2000yqn.googlegroups=>> >On Dec 23, 9:03=3DA0pm, j...@tuells.org (jill) wrote:
>> >> In article <66adb061-6b75-4c8a-ad46-dca3ebe9b...@t42g2000vba.googlegro=
>ups=3D
>> >.com>,
>>
>> >> Hannibal =3DA0<b...@telus.net> wrote:
>> >> >There is one thing that I have noticed lately. =3DA0There don't seem =
>to be
>> >> >any littles in my system anymore. =3DA0And the male/female aspect of =
>my
>> >> >system has completely disappeared. =3DA0I suspect that we still switc=
>h.
>> >> >But whomever I am, I am me. =3DA0This new type of system seems to wor=
>k for
>> >> >us. =3DA0The Goblins were lots of fun. =3DA0And in many respects they=
> are
>> >> >still here. =3DA0But there is just something about us all that is les=
>s
>> >> >strained. =3DA0We are more tranquil.
>>
>> >> >Best wishes,
>>
>> >> >Peter
>>
>> >> Maybe less anxiety means the walls are less thick? I know that
>> >> when we were at our most anxious (and the ptsd stuff was totally
>> >> out of control) we were so disconnected from each other that I
>> >> actually saw one of the insiders walking around OUTSIDE of the
>> >> body!!!! I _knew_ that was impossible and yet... there she was.
>> >> So, if anxiety can get me to that point, I'm sure it can get
>> >> me to having less connection inside. And of course now that I
>> >> have minimal anxiety, I have no walls inside :)
>>
>> >> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>>
>> >Hi Jill,
>>
>> >last time we were this sick we spent time in the hospital. =A0There is
>> >something else going on in my system. =A0Something that I cannot
>> >explain. =A0I did get a prescription for Ativan. =A0And it seems to be
>> >helping a lot to stop the panic attacks.
>>
>> >Best wishes,
>>
>> >Peter,
>> >Hal107,
>> >Goblins
>>
>> Hmm, interesting that you would be so tranquil and yet so anxious.
>> I agree something is going on! It doesn't sound like a negative
>> thing though :) When we were really anxious we used ativan as well.
>> It works very quickly which is good. Of course we were only given
>> 10 pills at time cause it can be dangerous :P
>>
>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>
>
>My feelings are very confused right now. And I feel as though I am
>exposed to all of the upset from the past. I am tranquil in that I
>don't get angry. But I am anxious about so many sad things.
>
>Peter,
>Hal107,
>Goblins
Oh yeah, feelings from the past :P They have to be felt and accepted
and allowed to exist so they can move into 'that is the past and now
is not then'.
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
Hannibal
> In article <e406d29b-8862-4b52-8d0e-6861a0fd8...@19g2000vbq.googlegroups.com>,
Hi Jill,
Thank you. The past is the past. One must try to live in the present
while looking toward the future.
fuzzy
guess we are kind of med resistant in general. we took the sleep med
last night. it really does make a difference. we are going to try hard
to do what pdoc said and take it two more nights
interesting, but for the first time reading this thread we were thinking
maybe if we had an rx for something like ativan it wouldn't be so bad.
we won't but it's the first time we've even allowed it as a possibility
fuzzy
> On Dec 25, 4:28 pm, astri <as...@invalid.invalid> wrote:
>> On Fri, 25 Dec 2009, Hannibal wrote:
>>> I want to talk about my feelings regarding the male/female duality in
>>> my system and the problem of trust, especially from the early time in
>>> which I started to express these thoughts to my doctors. Perhaps this
>>> can be an important lesson for others. I suspect that I trusted too
>>> quickly and not all doctors are able to fully understand these ideas
>>> (just a human limitation). And when they demonstrated responses I had
>>> not expected. I felt exposed, embarrassed, and vulnerable. My
>>> thoughts became frenzied, and I wondered if they would talk about my
>>> condition to others, because it is so odd. I had observed some
>> think that's not such an unrealistic fear
>>
>>> doctors talk about the occasional patient at parties etc (without
>>> naming the patient of course). But I am sure I had nothing like that
>>> to fear. The only things I fear are the extremes to which my paranoia
>>> will go. And I still have that fear. And I continually guard against
>>> any further flare-ups.
>> what abou tthe male/female duality?
>
>
> The male/female duality seems to have completely disappeared. We are
> just ourselves. It is something we can grow accustomed to feeling.
> But the PTSD is terrible. I wonder if splitting was our way of
> dealing with the tremendous anxiety. And now that we are not so
> greatly split, the anxiety is harming us. And we feel so sad that we
> had so little control over our expressing outrageous thoughts on the
> newsgroups. It is a window into just how sick we were. And just how
> sick we might still be now.
>
> Peter,
> Hal107,
> Goblins
>
>
noticed you expressing anything outrageous and if you did here, we would
understand it was the anxiety and maybe not so much you
Hannibal
> we don't know you from then. just from now and you seem nice. we haven't
> noticed you expressing anything outrageous and if you did here, we would
> understand it was the anxiety and maybe not so much you
Hi Fuzzy,
Thank you for coming by to say hello and for being so kind. It is
nice to meet you.
Best wishes,
Goblins
jill
Years of mulling it over, months of talking about it. Then I got
the bottle of ativan and took one and smacked myself on the forehead
and went 'what the HECK was I worried about!?!' It just mellowed the
edges out so I could catch my breath. It allowed my muscles to
unclench just enough to stop the unbelievable headache. Out of a
bottle of 20 (I think) I took maybe 10, maybe less. I probly should
have taken more, more often.
fuzzy
fuzzy
<sigh>
we back to thinking "no way!"