Re: deep breath
Wolfie of Confused
> x-no-archive: yes
> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>
>> x-no-archive: yes
>>
>> k, sent this to t
>>
>> erk :/
>>
>> umm.... is long and there is mention of self-h*rm below. some of it
>> was posted before. feel free to ignore
>
> answering here but leaving it below.
>
<I snipped it>
> that was really brave of you to send.
>
:/ can't take it back now.
astri
mhm
is one of the reasons it was brave
you *will* be able to go see him next time
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
cometz
is one of us who is also got a lot of anger inside. she does not talk
out loud hardly ever at all. she did finally start communicating with
the t a few years ago but she writes her words. he has a big pad of
paper and she writes stuff and he talks to her that way. maybe you
could see if that would work with your t and the angry one of you. or
something like that. we think you did a really super thing to write
all this stuff. wow wow.
betsy and others
confused wrote:
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> k, sent this to t
>
> erk :/
>
> umm.... is long and there is mention of self-h*rm below. some of it was
> posted before. feel free to ignore
>
>
> m
> i
> n
> i
>
> spoiler
>
>
>
>
> I've been doing a lot of processing. It also seems like there's been a
> lot of life stuff going on, pup and his epilepsy, old cat being sick,
> the situation at work, etc. I know I'm showing a lot more signs of
> depression. My sleep is completely out of whack. Friday night I found
> myself touching a knife to my skin to see if it was sharp enough to cut.
> This really upset me because I really do think of self-harm as something
> in my past, I haven't been that close in a long time and I don't
> completely understand how I got that close.
>
> I've been posting a lot on the online group alt.support.dissociation.
> I've found it really helpful. I can express myself there in ways I've
> never been able to. Up until recently I always thought I had a very
> clearly defined sense of self. I think some of that is because I was
> always so busy protecting myself and trying to not be trapped in the
> some label. I've spent a lot of time and energy, proving what I'm not. I
> guess lately I've been dropping some of my walls and trying to just be
> me. Except, that makes me feel like I'm crazy. I don't feel like I have
> a single identity. I'm made up of all these parts. The parts don't work
> together very well. I don't want some of the parts. I keep finding new
> parts. It gets incredibly noisy in my head. I am actually getting better
> at dealing with the "angry part", but in doing that it seems like he
> really has his own identity. It's a relief to be able to release that
> anger so it seems beneficial but it also seems completely nuts. I think
> it would be good if the angry part could talk to you some time but I
> just can't. All the walls come up at the possibility. There's also a
> part that is very sad right now. That part comes with most of the eating
> disorder thoughts. As much As much as you and I have talked about me
> eating issues, I never really say what that part thinks because it seems
> juvenile and shallow.
>
> I think it's ridiculous I'm still dealing with family issues. Shouldn't
> I be over it now? I don't know how to let myself feel and be myself,
> except by being all these different selves and that seems crazy. I don't
> know how to get all the selves to work together and the fighting is
> exhausting and I realize I've been doing it all my life. I don't know
> how stop holding back with you. I send you emails but then don't follow
> through. I move close to talking about something then shift and talk
> about something completely different. Honestly, where I'm at right now
> terrifies me. I don't want to deal with any of this and I'm not sure I
> can but I'm more afraid of stalling or giving up.
>
> Most of this I wrote several weeks ago, before I saw you the last time.
> I wasn't able to send it or bring it up. Since then I've been coming up
> with all these reasons why I shouldn't see you anymore. Medical costs,
> mine and the pets, has gotten me very worried about money and it would
> be so easy to use that as an excuse to quit. Especially when you add in
> gas mileage. And honestly, I feel like if I'm going to tackle some of
> the stuff that's going on right now then maybe I should see you
> sometimes more then every other week, but there's absolutely no way I
> can afford that. And sometimes it would be easier if you weren't a man.
> All of that is true, but I also know I'd be running away. The people at
> ASD keep saying I should talk to you more. That I should send what I
> wrote. I don't understand why this is so hard. I don't know that sending
> this will do any good, because when I see you I'll avoid talking about
> it. It's already happening, I'm all locked up now.
confused
think something inside us broke. if we really let ourself think about
what we sent we start crying. is too much. want to quit. why can't we quit
sorry. we know we have to ride out the wave. is big waves today.
(trying to send this with outlook because isn't sending with thunderbird)
--
"wolfie" of confused
Wolfie of Confused
> we think you are very brave. also wrote very important things. there
> is one of us who is also got a lot of anger inside. she does not talk
> out loud hardly ever at all. she did finally start communicating with
> the t a few years ago but she writes her words. he has a big pad of
> paper and she writes stuff and he talks to her that way. maybe you
> could see if that would work with your t and the angry one of you. or
> something like that. we think you did a really super thing to write
> all this stuff. wow wow.
>
> betsy and others
>
thank you. we like your idea. we think that might help us.
(want to say more but can't right now)
> confused wrote:
>> x-no-archive: yes
>>
>> k, sent this to t
>>
>> erk :/
>>
>> umm.... is long and there is mention of self-h*rm below. some of it was
>> posted before. feel free to ignore
>>
<snip>
Wolfie of Confused
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>
> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>
we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
> good job :)
>
> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
thank you. and thank you to gathring and juniper who also replied
>
> In article <6kteq1F...@mid.individual.net>,
> confused <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> x-no-archive: yes
>>
>> k, sent this to t
<Snip what we sent>
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Mon, 6 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> k, sent this to t
>>>>>
>>>>> erk :/
>>>>>
>>>>> umm.... is long and there is mention of self-h*rm below. some of
>>>>> it was posted before. feel free to ignore
>>>>
>>>> answering here but leaving it below.
>>>>
>>> <I snipped it>
>>>
>>>> that was really brave of you to send.
>>>>
>>> :/ can't take it back now.
>>
>> mhm
>>
>> is one of the reasons it was brave
>> you *will* be able to go see him next time
>>
>
> think something inside us broke. if we really let ourself think about
> what we sent we start crying. is too much. want to quit. why can't we
> quit
quitting means quitting on yourself
seems you're not ready to do that yet
> sorry. we know we have to ride out the wave. is big waves today.
regrets big waves
will ride it out
waves pass
storms pass
you just weathered storm on beach
> (trying to send this with outlook because isn't sending with
> thunderbird)
:)
astri
> jill wrote:
>>
>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>
>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>
> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
maybe not?
cometz
<nospamsometimesknownas...@gmail.com> wrote:
> cometz wrote:
> > we think you are very brave. also wrote very important things. there
> > is one of us who is also got a lot of anger inside. she does not talk
> > out loud hardly ever at all. she did finally start communicating with
> > the t a few years ago but she writes her words. he has a big pad of
> > paper and she writes stuff and he talks to her that way. maybe you
> > could see if that would work with your t and the angry one of you. or
> > something like that. we think you did a really super thing to write
> > all this stuff. wow wow.
>
> > betsy and others
>
> thank you. we like your idea. we think that might help us.
>
> (want to say more but can't right now)
>
understand about not writing. when emotions get roiling and you allow
real things to surface and be exposed... there really aren't enough
words to express it. i think of those times as fear and hope and
sadness and confusion and and and all the hidden places start feeling
for a while. i think it's essential to take the risk, when it is safe
to do so. but i know how extremely disrupting it can be.
the one who does not talk easily (sometimes she does, but it is a kind
of growling voice. i don't know if she is afraid to speak or what.
just that she doesn't do it often.) also has a hard time looking
around or anything like that. she hunches over the paper and writes
and then waits for the t to respond. when i come back the body is
always very sore. but being able to write stuff has been a big help.
also Kat asked for her to have a marker to write cause if she uses a
pen of pencil she ends up tearing the paper. the silent one is very
close to Kat and Kat is very protective of her. it is nice how they
are with each other.
i hope your one finds a way to work with your t.
betsy
Wolfie of Confused
> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, wolfie of confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Mon, 6 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Sun, 5 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> k, sent this to t
>>>>>>
>>>>>> erk :/
>>>>>>
>>>>>> umm.... is long and there is mention of self-h*rm below. some of
>>>>>> it was posted before. feel free to ignore
>>>>>
>>>>> answering here but leaving it below.
>>>>>
>>>> <I snipped it>
>>>>
>>>>> that was really brave of you to send.
>>>>>
>>>> :/ can't take it back now.
>>>
>>> mhm
>>>
>>> is one of the reasons it was brave
>>> you *will* be able to go see him next time
>>>
>> dunno
>>
>> think something inside us broke. if we really let ourself think about
>> what we sent we start crying. is too much. want to quit. why can't we
>> quit
>
> quitting means quitting on yourself
> seems you're not ready to do that yet
<sigh>
(pup needs us. old cat needs us)
>
>> sorry. we know we have to ride out the wave. is big waves today.
>
> regrets big waves
> will ride it out
> waves pass
> storms pass
> you just weathered storm on beach
>
k
confused
> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> jill wrote:
>>>
>>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>>
>>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>>
>> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
>
> maybe not?
>
of the thoughts that t will think we are crazy/bad now. don't know what
will happen.
we took pup for a walk. we thought a bit about walls. was thinking that
maybe why i hurt so much right now is i broke down a wall. seems if *I*
did it then if I have to I can put it back up. or something.
Wolfie of Confused
> On Oct 8, 1:14 pm, Wolfie of Confused
> <nospamsometimesknownas...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> cometz wrote:
>>> we think you are very brave. also wrote very important things. there
>>> is one of us who is also got a lot of anger inside. she does not talk
>>> out loud hardly ever at all. she did finally start communicating with
>>> the t a few years ago but she writes her words. he has a big pad of
>>> paper and she writes stuff and he talks to her that way. maybe you
>>> could see if that would work with your t and the angry one of you. or
>>> something like that. we think you did a really super thing to write
>>> all this stuff. wow wow.
>>> betsy and others
>> thank you. we like your idea. we think that might help us.
>>
>> (want to say more but can't right now)
>>
>
> understand about not writing. when emotions get roiling and you allow
> real things to surface and be exposed... there really aren't enough
> words to express it. i think of those times as fear and hope and
> sadness and confusion and and and all the hidden places start feeling
> for a while. i think it's essential to take the risk, when it is safe
> to do so. but i know how extremely disrupting it can be.
don't really understand why it hurts so much. don't understand what I've
done. will have to think about if there is hope in there. understand
very well about hidden places
>
> the one who does not talk easily (sometimes she does, but it is a kind
> of growling voice. i don't know if she is afraid to speak or what.
> just that she doesn't do it often.) also has a hard time looking
> around or anything like that. she hunches over the paper and writes
> and then waits for the t to respond. when i come back the body is
> always very sore. but being able to write stuff has been a big help.
> also Kat asked for her to have a marker to write cause if she uses a
> pen of pencil she ends up tearing the paper. the silent one is very
> close to Kat and Kat is very protective of her. it is nice how they
> are with each other.
>
am glad that she has kat then.
does it become more powerful when she writes stuff?
> i hope your one finds a way to work with your t.
>
thank you.
Puddles
sorry, catching up, did you send the email to t?
Wolfie of Confused
yes
Puddles
WOW!!!!!! YOU DID???????? Are you ok with it? I mean, are you ok?
When are you going to see t? Did he write back? I know you might feel
uncomfortable sending it but I KNOW this is a big step for you. Tell me
more!!!! Sorry I missed previous posts, what thread is it under?
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, wolfie of confused wrote:
>>>
>>> think something inside us broke. if we really let ourself think
>>> about what we sent we start crying. is too much. want to quit. why
>>> can't we quit
>>
>> quitting means quitting on yourself
>> seems you're not ready to do that yet
>
> <sigh>
> (pup needs us. old cat needs us)
yes
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> jill wrote:
>>>>
>>>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>>>
>>>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>>>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>>>
>>> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
>>
>> maybe not?
>>
> feels like sending the email means everything will change. can't get
> rid of the thoughts that t will think we are crazy/bad now. don't
> know what will happen.
understandable fears.
but maybe something needed to change?
maybe in order for you to take next step?
> we took pup for a walk. we thought a bit about walls. was thinking
> that maybe why i hurt so much right now is i broke down a wall.
makes sense
> seems if *I* did it then if I have to I can put it back up. or
> something.
sometimes just knowing you can means you don't have to.
Wolfie of Confused
is the first post in this thread "deep breath". we didn't ask for a
reply. we see t Friday I guess
Wolfie of Confused
> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, wolfie of confused wrote:
>>>>
>>>> think something inside us broke. if we really let ourself think
>>>> about what we sent we start crying. is too much. want to quit. why
>>>> can't we quit
>>>
>>> quitting means quitting on yourself
>>> seems you're not ready to do that yet
>>
>> <sigh>
>> (pup needs us. old cat needs us)
>
> yes
>
we should leave now. need to get going
astri
ok
Puddles
ok, i am going to catch up right now. i just need to catch up with you
in this time frame first. :P~~~
Puddles
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> k, sent this to t
>
> erk :/
>
> umm.... is long and there is mention of self-h*rm below. some of it was
> posted before. feel free to ignore
>
>
yes, deep breath. i think you did the right thing by sending this. I
know it must have been very hard for you but it is one of the steps to
healing. I felt this letter. It's honest.
Wolfie of Confused
> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>> jill wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>>>>
>>>>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>>>>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>>>>
>>>> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
>>>
>>> maybe not?
>>>
>> feels like sending the email means everything will change. can't get
>> rid of the thoughts that t will think we are crazy/bad now. don't
>> know what will happen.
>
> understandable fears.
>
> but maybe something needed to change?
probably
> maybe in order for you to take next step?
>
<sigh>
tomorrow
>> we took pup for a walk. we thought a bit about walls. was thinking
>> that maybe why i hurt so much right now is i broke down a wall.
>
> makes sense
>
>> seems if *I* did it then if I have to I can put it back up. or
>> something.
>
> sometimes just knowing you can means you don't have to.
>
dunno
Wolfie of Confused
> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, wolfie of confused wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> think something inside us broke. if we really let ourself think
>>>>>> about what we sent we start crying. is too much. want to quit. why
>>>>>> can't we quit
>>>>>
>>>>> quitting means quitting on yourself
>>>>> seems you're not ready to do that yet
>>>>
>>>> <sigh>
>>>> (pup needs us. old cat needs us)
>>>
>>> yes
>>>
>> k.
>>
>> we should leave now. need to get going
>
> ok
>
but think was more good then bad
now we are trying to catch up here
Wolfie of Confused
not sure it was the right thing. trying not to think about it. tomorrow
we see t.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>> jill wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>>>>>
>>>>>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>>>>>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>>>>>
>>>>> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
>>>>
>>>> maybe not?
>>>>
>>> feels like sending the email means everything will change. can't
>>> get rid of the thoughts that t will think we are crazy/bad now.
>>> don't know what will happen.
>>
>> understandable fears.
>>
>> but maybe something needed to change?
>
> probably
>
>> maybe in order for you to take next step?
>>
> <sigh>
>
> tomorrow
understand
hope goes ok
>>> we took pup for a walk. we thought a bit about walls. was thinking
>>> that maybe why i hurt so much right now is i broke down a wall.
>>
>> makes sense
>>
>>> seems if *I* did it then if I have to I can put it back up. or
>>> something.
>>
>> sometimes just knowing you can means you don't have to.
>>
> dunno
ok
astri
the singing can be really beautiful
did you fast?
> now we are trying to catch up here
ok
Wolfie of Confused
> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, wolfie of confused wrote:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> think something inside us broke. if we really let ourself think
>>>>>>>> about what we sent we start crying. is too much. want to quit.
>>>>>>>> why can't we quit
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> quitting means quitting on yourself
>>>>>>> seems you're not ready to do that yet
>>>>>>
>>>>>> <sigh>
>>>>>> (pup needs us. old cat needs us)
>>>>>
>>>>> yes
>>>>>
>>>> k.
>>>>
>>>> we should leave now. need to get going
>>>
>>> ok
>>>
>> we been busy with services and pup. we liked the singing. was busy
>> time but think was more good then bad
>
> the singing can be really beautiful
> did you fast?
is very beautiful music. we are *still* sick and was sort of tired and
bad this morning but then we disappeared in the music.
and... we did good maybe :) we actually slept in this morning and
skipped the rehearsal before singing. going to the rehearsal would have
meant we had to leave the house at 7am and that was after getting home
from services and feeding neighbors pets at nearly 11pm last night. And
we didn't fast... we limited what we ate but we did eat. we let ourself
drink as much water as we wanted. and we took a nap when they had all
the workshops in between the morning service and after noon service
>
>> now we are trying to catch up here
>
> ok
>
how are you?
Wolfie of Confused
> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>>> jill wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>>>>>>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
>>>>>
>>>>> maybe not?
>>>>>
>>>> feels like sending the email means everything will change. can't
>>>> get rid of the thoughts that t will think we are crazy/bad now.
>>>> don't know what will happen.
>>>
>>> understandable fears.
>>>
>>> but maybe something needed to change?
>>
>> probably
>>
>>> maybe in order for you to take next step?
>>>
>> <sigh>
>>
>> tomorrow
>
> understand
> hope goes ok
thank you
heh, my new worry is because I said that I'd been thinking about seeing
a new t he is going to just say ok and be done with me. heh. wasn't that
what I wanted?
ok, going back to not thinking about it :P
astri
is peaceful to do that
> and... we did good maybe :) we actually slept in this morning and
> skipped the rehearsal before singing. going to the rehearsal would
> have meant we had to leave the house at 7am and that was after
> getting home from services and feeding neighbors pets at nearly 11pm
> last night. And we didn't fast... we limited what we ate but we did
> eat. we let ourself drink as much water as we wanted. and we took a
> nap when they had all the workshops in between the morning service
> and after noon service
good for you
>>> now we are trying to catch up here
>>
>> ok
>>
> how are you?
ok
guess we took a break today
couldn't concentrate to write report so didn't push it
made appointment for shiatsu tomorrow morning
astri
doubt he'd say that
might explore whys and why nots tho
> ok, going back to not thinking about it :P
ok
Wolfie of Confused
yes. very. suppose it's a form of dissociation but a very nice form. Is
nice to know we are helping to make the beautiful music
>
>> and... we did good maybe :) we actually slept in this morning and
>> skipped the rehearsal before singing. going to the rehearsal would
>> have meant we had to leave the house at 7am and that was after
>> getting home from services and feeding neighbors pets at nearly 11pm
>> last night. And we didn't fast... we limited what we ate but we did
>> eat. we let ourself drink as much water as we wanted. and we took a
>> nap when they had all the workshops in between the morning service
>> and after noon service
>
> good for you
we actually tried to take care of ourself :O (we go back to work Sunday.
need to be better by then. do *not* want to have to go back to doctor.)
>
>>>> now we are trying to catch up here
>>>
>>> ok
>>>
>> how are you?
>
> ok
>
> guess we took a break today
sometimes that's needed
> couldn't concentrate to write report so didn't push it
ok. when is report do?
> made appointment for shiatsu tomorrow morning
>
hmm... we should probably know what shiatsu is but can't remember
Wolfie of Confused
<sigh>
>
>> ok, going back to not thinking about it :P
>
> ok
>
we are going to bed. we are still sleeping on the air mattress in the
living room. :/
pup sleeps with us... heh, pup tends to get most of the space. pup is
spoiled!!!
astri
:)
>>> and... we did good maybe :) we actually slept in this morning and
>>> skipped the rehearsal before singing. going to the rehearsal would
>>> have meant we had to leave the house at 7am and that was after
>>> getting home from services and feeding neighbors pets at nearly
>>> 11pm last night. And we didn't fast... we limited what we ate but
>>> we did eat. we let ourself drink as much water as we wanted. and we
>>> took a nap when they had all the workshops in between the morning
>>> service and after noon service
>>
>> good for you
>
> we actually tried to take care of ourself :O (we go back to work
> Sunday. need to be better by then. do *not* want to have to go back
> to doctor.)
sigh
hope you get better and don't have to go back to the doctor
>>>>> now we are trying to catch up here
>>>>
>>>> ok
>>>>
>>> how are you?
>>
>> ok
>>
>> guess we took a break today
>
> sometimes that's needed
true
>> couldn't concentrate to write report so didn't push it
>
> ok. when is report do?
next week some time
>> made appointment for shiatsu tomorrow morning
>>
> hmm... we should probably know what shiatsu is but can't remember
japanese form of massage
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>
>>> heh, my new worry is because I said that I'd been thinking about
>>> seeing a new t he is going to just say ok and be done with me. heh.
>>> wasn't that what I wanted?
>>
>> doubt he'd say that
>> might explore whys and why nots tho
>
> <sigh>
mmmm
>>> ok, going back to not thinking about it :P
>>
>> ok
>>
> we are going to bed. we are still sleeping on the air mattress in the
> living room. :/
if you're sleeping, then why worry about that?
> pup sleeps with us... heh, pup tends to get most of the space. pup is
> spoiled!!!
heh
Puddles
was today!!! we saw t today too. catching up on posts in order, wanting
to see how it went.
astri
> catching up on posts in order,
backwards order or forwards order?
confused
> Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>
>> not sure it was the right thing. trying not to think about it.
>> tomorrow we see t.
>
> was today!!! we saw t today too. catching up on posts in order, wanting
> to see how it went.
you gonna post about seeing t?
k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
first thing t said he got the email. then we couldn't talk!! we thought
about talking about pup and what's been going on with him but we knew
that would be avoidance. finally we told t we couldn't talk. t talked
then. is hard to remember.
umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck. t waited for us
to get unstuck. we talked about being stuck too. don't think I've ever
tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
t said we aren't crazy. we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying we
were crazy). t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not. he said he would
know if we were crazy. heh! since t kept saying we weren't crazy, we
kept saying more to prove we were crazy and was finally talking pretty
directly about our parts. :O was really really hard and we still didn't
say names or stuff. we know he knows now, can't pretend any other way.
we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing. seems he likes ASD. we
told him our parts post here. he says it's ok. he says exploring is good
and we are doing lots of hard work. we told him it was making things
worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first. he said that it
will get better. we said we didn't believe it would end and he said it
would. he said he understood why it would feel that way to us. he said
someday the past will be in the past
we talked some about oscar. he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't using
names) talked to him. couldn't!!!!! got really noisy then. we told him
how oscar gets mad and criticizes us and we get stuck. we told him how
when we are deep in swirl oscar gets us out but he does it by making us
hurt. t says there's other ways to get out
t said we deserve to be treated gentle. he said he wanted us to take
care of ourself. same old same old. think maybe we made faces at that.
we told t none of this makes sense. we told t that's not ok. t says it
doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he said
it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's really good we sent the
email because there's now more we can talk about. he says we don't have
to, we can back off when we need to. we can talk about it when we need
to. he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
T said we aren't crazy. Wolfie didn't believe T and was saying it wasn't
ok. Wolfie was almost crying. T said we are complex. T started talking
about trees and how they are complex. How they have all sorts of parts
and the whole system is needed. Then he talked about the stars in the
sky. He said the Milky Way is really complex and that's not bad at all.
When you look at it, it's really beautiful. After Wolfie left t she
thought about that and she started crying.
t said we could talk more about therapy and "our relationship". we
didn't do that. Wolfie got really scared again. T is out of town for
short trips and our schedules don't match up well. We have 2 more
appointments set, 2 weeks away and then 2 weeks away
k, we are going to take a break. we are really really tired AND pup
wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
Juniper
confused <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote:
> k, we are going to take a break. we are really really tired AND pup
> wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
Sounds like maybe everybody could use some ice cream. You did a lot of
work in T today. Good for you!
Juniper
Puddles
> Puddles wrote:
>> Wolfie of Confused wrote:
We were waiting for this post and really really glad you toll us about t
session today.
>
> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>
> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
Must have been nervous.
>
> first thing t said he got the email.
right off the bat? he must have been very excited.
then we couldn't talk!!
oof. hate it when we have no words at important moments.
we thought
> about talking about pup and what's been going on with him but we knew
> that would be avoidance.
yes, you were right too.
finally we told t we couldn't talk.
good move. sometimes its hard to even admit that you can't talk!
t talked
> then.
good t.
is hard to remember.
yes, know this well too.
>
> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck.
why do you think you kept getting stuck? was it frustrating or loud or
just hard to keep talking or...???
t waited for us
> to get unstuck.
good t. our t often encourages us to 'stay with it' until we get unstuck.
we talked about being stuck too.
good, how did that go?
don't think I've ever
> tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
>
> t said we aren't crazy.
our t says that all the time too.
we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying we
> were crazy).
and we say exactly that.
t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not.
and then that is what our t says.
he said he would
> know if we were crazy.
yep, that too. must be true.
heh! since t kept saying we weren't crazy, we
> kept saying more to prove we were crazy
constantly doing this except i try to tell t i am psychotic and BPD and
everything else you could possibly think of.
and was finally talking pretty
> directly about our parts. :O
YAE!!! hard work and you did it.
was really really hard and we still didn't
> say names or stuff.
we didn't either at first and then came the point where we had to at
least name the part with 'labels' so that he could tell us apart. It
will happen with you too. It gets too confusing in session not to label.
Maybe eventually you can tell him they have names. t had given us this
opportunity a few times and then even gave us opportunity to describe
physical features if they had any.
we know he knows now, can't pretend any other way.
is not good to pretend. doesn't help anything.
>
> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing.
cause is.
seems he likes ASD.
our t was leery at first and gave warnings but after we printed bunches
of pages of bunches of conversations, he knows everyone here by name! :)
we
> told him our parts post here.
yes, are you planning on inviting to come peek and see?
he says it's ok.
good t
he says exploring is good
> and we are doing lots of hard work.
YOU ARE
we told him it was making things
> worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first.
yes, it does
he said that it
> will get better.
we are hoping it does.
we said we didn't believe it would end and he said it
> would.
our t says too.
he said he understood why it would feel that way to us.
think he really does?
he said
> someday the past will be in the past
that is where past belongs (so we are told).
>
> we talked some about oscar.
did you say 'that angry part'?
he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't using
> names) talked to him. couldn't!!!!!
i liked the idea of writing things down on paper from angry parts. I
think i could do that.
got really noisy then.
is a shock to the system?
we told him
> how oscar gets mad and criticizes us and we get stuck.
that was a good thing to share.
we told him how
> when we are deep in swirl oscar gets us out but he does it by making us
> hurt.
that is an important thing to share.
t says there's other ways to get out
there is.
>
> t said we deserve to be treated gentle.
i agree. that is not too fushie is it?
he said he wanted us to take
> care of ourself. same old same old. think maybe we made faces at that.
:) we like your t.
>
> we told t none of this makes sense.
our mess has never made sense to us.
we told t that's not ok.
understand
t says it
> doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he said
> it's his job to help it make sense.
yes it is. do you trust him?
t says it's really good we sent the
> email because there's now more we can talk about.
oh, your t may not have any idea how much we like to talk in asd.
he says we don't have
> to, we can back off when we need to.
hmmm. yes.
we can talk about it when we need
> to.
good.
he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
our t said that too. must of been something they learned to say from a
text book??
>
> T said we aren't crazy. Wolfie didn't believe T and was saying it wasn't
> ok. Wolfie was almost crying. T said we are complex.
yes, and think maybe different parts have different reactions.
T started talking
> about trees and how they are complex.
trees are heavily associated with DID. lots of ppl with this dx. draw trees.
How they have all sorts of parts
> and the whole system is needed. Then he talked about the stars in the
> sky. He said the Milky Way is really complex and that's not bad at all.
> When you look at it, it's really beautiful. After Wolfie left t she
> thought about that and she started crying.
yes, this is hard stuff you did here.
>
> t said we could talk more about therapy and "our relationship". we
> didn't do that.
how come not talked about the relationship?
Wolfie got really scared again.
i wonder why?
T is out of town for
> short trips and our schedules don't match up well.
any way to fix that?
We have 2 more
> appointments set, 2 weeks away and then 2 weeks away
are you ok with that? can you up your email allowance?
>
> k, we are going to take a break.
yes, big day!
we are really really tired
we always are after big sessions.
AND pup
> wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
:)
Puddles
Hi Juniper (little red heart next to the r in juniper)
Wolfie of Confused
so you have time
>
> next week some time
>
>>> made appointment for shiatsu tomorrow morning
>>>
>> hmm... we should probably know what shiatsu is but can't remember
>
> japanese form of massage
>
ok. was it good?
Wolfie of Confused
> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>
>>>> heh, my new worry is because I said that I'd been thinking about
>>>> seeing a new t he is going to just say ok and be done with me. heh.
>>>> wasn't that what I wanted?
>>>
>>> doubt he'd say that
>>> might explore whys and why nots tho
>>
>> <sigh>
>
> mmmm
>
this session
>>>> ok, going back to not thinking about it :P
>>>
>>> ok
>>>
>> we are going to bed. we are still sleeping on the air mattress in the
>> living room. :/
>
> if you're sleeping, then why worry about that?
>
umm... heh, we will sound like cure. it isn't normal. ok, guess we don't
need to worry right now
>> pup sleeps with us... heh, pup tends to get most of the space. pup is
>> spoiled!!!
>
> heh
>
pup and I just went for a long walk. about 1 hour 45 hours. pup ran and
played on walk. then at end of walk, back in my neighborhood pup met
another dog. the wanderer. he played with her for about 15 minutes. pup
is feeling much better :)
Wolfie of Confused
(c isn't happy but oh well)
Puddles
hey, sleeping in the living room? on air mattress? how come?
Puddles
how are you feeling?
Wolfie of Confused
> confused wrote:
>> Puddles wrote:
>>> Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>
> We were waiting for this post and really really glad you toll us about t
> session today.
we are having troubles concentrating. did you tell about your t session
>>
>> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>>
>> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
>> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
>
> Must have been nervous.
>
guess so. (Heh, she was scared to death. She was doing a lot of dissing
before the session)
>>
>> first thing t said he got the email.
>
> right off the bat? he must have been very excited.
guess so
>
> then we couldn't talk!!
>
> oof. hate it when we have no words at important moments.
ja
>
> we thought
>> about talking about pup and what's been going on with him but we knew
>> that would be avoidance.
>
> yes, you were right too.
>
>> finally we told t we couldn't talk.
>
> good move. sometimes its hard to even admit that you can't talk!
>
well t kept waiting for us and we just couldn't say anything. we know t
is good at waiting but this time wasn't going to work for him to wait
>> t talked then.
>
> good t.
>
>> is hard to remember.
>
> yes, know this well too.
yep.
>>
>> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck.
>
> why do you think you kept getting stuck? was it frustrating or loud or
> just hard to keep talking or...???
>
walls walls all sorts of walls. and then sometimes it got noisy.
>> t waited for us to get unstuck.
>
> good t. our t often encourages us to 'stay with it' until we get unstuck.
>
heh, don't know if I'd like that. our to knows we have troubles
verbalizing. our t knows we've been made fun of for our pauses or saying
"umm".
> we talked about being stuck too.
>
> good, how did that go?
>
think it went ok. is all muddled together now. think he used the word
"constrained' at some point
>> don't think I've ever tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
>>
we were getting frustrated! sometimes in the past t has told us it's ok
and not to get frustrated. this time he just waited. think that was better
>> t said we aren't crazy.
>
> our t says that all the time too.
>
heh. it sure feels crazy!
>> we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying we
>> were crazy).
>
> and we say exactly that.
>
yes, know you do. understand
>> t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not.
>
> and then that is what our t says.
>
sheesh, think they are in cahoots? :P
>> he said he would know if we were crazy.
>
> yep, that too. must be true.
>
<sigh>
>> heh! since t kept saying we weren't crazy, we
>> kept saying more to prove we were crazy
>
> constantly doing this except i try to tell t i am psychotic and BPD and
> everything else you could possibly think of.
>
t doesn't like labels much. And.. umm... well, guess we don't like to
appear like we are studying up on stuff. don't want to seem like we want
problems (can't verbalize well). and is sort of habit to act like we
know less then we know.
>> and was finally talking pretty directly about our parts. :O
>
> YAE!!! hard work and you did it.
>
guess so. there's more to say
>> was really really hard and we still didn't
>> say names or stuff.
>
> we didn't either at first and then came the point where we had to at
> least name the part with 'labels' so that he could tell us apart. It
> will happen with you too. It gets too confusing in session not to label.
> Maybe eventually you can tell him they have names. t had given us this
> opportunity a few times and then even gave us opportunity to describe
> physical features if they had any.
>
understand. we did refer to oscar as the angry one. we've sort of talked
about a little girl in the past. think it will come to. like you said,
be really hard to explain things without it
>> we know he knows now, can't pretend any other way.
>
> is not good to pretend. doesn't help anything.
<sigh>
>>
>> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing.
>
> cause is.
>
yeah :)
>> seems he likes ASD.
>
> our t was leery at first and gave warnings but after we printed bunches
> of pages of bunches of conversations, he knows everyone here by name! :)
>
well, we did tell t that it was people at ASD that kept telling us to
talk to him. And t knows we have posted on online support groups before.
think he knows it can help and we know to be careful. but he actually
*liked* ASD.
>> we told him our parts post here.
>
> yes, are you planning on inviting to come peek and see?
>
nah, t doesn't much like the computer. don't think t will. but we can
maybe give him posts to read in the future. maybe!!!!
>> he says it's ok.
>
> good t
>
>> he says exploring is good
>> and we are doing lots of hard work.
>
> YOU ARE
>
guess so
>> we told him it was making things
>> worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first.
>
> yes, it does
>
<sigh>
>> he said that it will get better.
>
(think he said it differently then that)
> we are hoping it does.
>
ye! hope it gets better for you
>> we said we didn't believe it would end and he said it
>> would.
>
> our t says too.
>
you have a good t too
>> he said he understood why it would feel that way to us.
>
> think he really does?
>
umm... probably (dunno) (how could he know?)
>> he said someday the past will be in the past
>
> that is where past belongs (so we are told).
we keep thinking we've left it in the past and then it comes back
>>
>> we talked some about oscar.
>
> did you say 'that angry part'?
>
yes. and also said he's like the critical voice. t liked that.
>> he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't using names) talked to him. couldn't!!!!!
>
> i liked the idea of writing things down on paper from angry parts. I
> think i could do that.
>
yeah, betsy had a good idea. maybe sometime we will tell t that. you
going to tell your t that?
>> got really noisy then.
>
> is a shock to the system?
>
dunno
>> we told him
>> how oscar gets mad and criticizes us and we get stuck.
>
> that was a good thing to share.
>
>> we told him how
>> when we are deep in swirl oscar gets us out but he does it by making
>> us hurt.
>
> that is an important thing to share.
>
t maybe thought so too.
>> t says there's other ways to get out
>
> there is.
<sigh>
>>
>> t said we deserve to be treated gentle.
>
> i agree. that is not too fushie is it?
>
oooo fun. we usually say frou frou or mooshy. you've made a new word
that combines both. we like it. nope, it wasn't too fushie :)
>> he said he wanted us to take
>> care of ourself. same old same old. think maybe we made faces at that.
>
> :) we like your t.
>
hmpf
>>
>> we told t none of this makes sense.
>
> our mess has never made sense to us.
>
well.. you're "mess" makes sense from here. don't think it's a mess,
just lots of hard experiences and you coping the only way you know how.
>> we told t that's not ok.
>
> understand
>
>> t says it
>> doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he said
>> it's his job to help it make sense.
>
> yes it is. do you trust him?
>
umm... (yes. maybe. don't really want to think about that)
>> t says it's really good we sent the
>> email because there's now more we can talk about.
>
> oh, your t may not have any idea how much we like to talk in asd.
>
heh.
>> he says we don't have
>> to, we can back off when we need to.
>
> hmmm. yes.
>
think t wants us to be safe. t wants us to not get too lost in swirl and
chaos. t maybe wants us to know we have control?
>> we can talk about it when we need to.
>
> good.
>
>> he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
>
> our t said that too. must of been something they learned to say from a
> text book??
maybe gathring and jill are shredding the wrong book?
>>
>> T said we aren't crazy. Wolfie didn't believe T and was saying it
>> wasn't ok. Wolfie was almost crying. T said we are complex.
>
> yes, and think maybe different parts have different reactions.
>
:P (wasn't almost crying!!!)
> T started talking
>> about trees and how they are complex.
>
> trees are heavily associated with DID. lots of ppl with this dx. draw
> trees.
>
ja. and we were wearing our t-shirt from our synagogue that has the tree
of life on it. t is pretty quick because the tee-shirt was under our
sweatshirt he could just see a little part of it. he remembered from
another time
> How they have all sorts of parts
>> and the whole system is needed. Then he talked about the stars in the
>> sky. He said the Milky Way is really complex and that's not bad at
>> all. When you look at it, it's really beautiful. After Wolfie left t
>> she thought about that and she started crying.
>
> yes, this is hard stuff you did here.
meh!!!!
>>
>> t said we could talk more about therapy and "our relationship". we
>> didn't do that.
>
umm.. not enough time? not sure what to say? (maybe... well... don't
want to say the wrong thing and mess things up?)
> how come not talked about the relationship?
>
>> Wolfie got really scared again.
>
> i wonder why?
>
wasn't that scared! was lots of other things to talk about.
> T is out of town for
>> short trips and our schedules don't match up well.
>
> any way to fix that?
>
don't think so
> We have 2 more
>> appointments set, 2 weeks away and then 2 weeks away
>
> are you ok with that? can you up your email allowance?
don't know.
>>
>> k, we are going to take a break.
>
> yes, big day!
>
we haven't been able to really concentrate and read other posts yet :/
after we finish this reeeeeeeeeeally long post we are going to eat dinner
>> we are really really tired
>
> we always are after big sessions.
>
yes. is lot of work
>> AND pup
>> wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
>
> :)
he got a long walk. was good. pretty day.
astri
>
> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
:/
> first thing t said he got the email. then we couldn't talk!! we
> thought about talking about pup and what's been going on with him but
> we knew that would be avoidance. finally we told t we couldn't talk.
> t talked then. is hard to remember.
>
> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck. t waited for
> us to get unstuck. we talked about being stuck too. don't think I've
> ever tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
bet it was hard. have you ever tried writing when you couldn't get
words out? sometimes we can write on a piece of paper what we can't
say out loud. we just make a writing motion and t knows what we need.
sometimes when we write something on the paper and show it to her, that
opens up the talking channels again (not always).
> t said we aren't crazy. we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying
> we were crazy). t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not. he said he
> would know if we were crazy. heh! since t kept saying we weren't
> crazy, we kept saying more to prove we were crazy and was finally
> talking pretty directly about our parts. :O was really really hard
> and we still didn't say names or stuff. we know he knows now, can't
> pretend any other way.
>
> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing. seems he likes ASD.
> we told him our parts post here. he says it's ok. he says exploring
> is good and we are doing lots of hard work. we told him it was making
> things worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first. he said
> that it will get better. we said we didn't believe it would end and
> he said it would. he said he understood why it would feel that way to
> us. he said someday the past will be in the past
gee. seems like t has some understanding about being many?
> we talked some about oscar. he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't
> using names) talked to him. couldn't!!!!! got really noisy then. we
> told him how oscar gets mad and criticizes us and we get stuck. we
> told him how when we are deep in swirl oscar gets us out but he does
> it by making us hurt. t says there's other ways to get out
>
> t said we deserve to be treated gentle. he said he wanted us to take
> care of ourself. same old same old. think maybe we made faces at
> that.
heh
we would too
> we told t none of this makes sense. we told t that's not ok. t says
> it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he
> said it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's really good we
> sent the email because there's now more we can talk about. he says we
> don't have to, we can back off when we need to. we can talk about it
> when we need to. he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
we've heard that before
> T said we aren't crazy. Wolfie didn't believe T and was saying it
> wasn't ok. Wolfie was almost crying. T said we are complex. T
> started talking about trees and how they are complex. How they have
> all sorts of parts and the whole system is needed. Then he talked
> about the stars in the sky. He said the Milky Way is really complex
> and that's not bad at all. When you look at it, it's really
> beautiful. After Wolfie left t she thought about that and she started
> crying.
we hope this gets easier for wolfie
> t said we could talk more about therapy and "our relationship". we
> didn't do that. Wolfie got really scared again. T is out of town for
> short trips and our schedules don't match up well. We have 2 more
> appointments set, 2 weeks away and then 2 weeks away
:P
> k, we are going to take a break. we are really really tired AND pup
> wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
ok
astri
uh huh
she's good
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> heh, my new worry is because I said that I'd been thinking about
>>>>> seeing a new t he is going to just say ok and be done with me.
>>>>> heh. wasn't that what I wanted?
>>>>
>>>> doubt he'd say that
>>>> might explore whys and why nots tho
>>>
>>> <sigh>
>>
>> mmmm
>>
> we didn't talk about that. maybe next session. we had lots to talk
> about this session
saw that
could you continue emails?
>>>>> ok, going back to not thinking about it :P
>>>>
>>>> ok
>>>>
>>> we are going to bed. we are still sleeping on the air mattress in
>>> the living room. :/
>>
>> if you're sleeping, then why worry about that?
>>
> umm... heh, we will sound like cure. it isn't normal. ok, guess we
> don't need to worry right now
mhm
>>> pup sleeps with us... heh, pup tends to get most of the space. pup
>>> is spoiled!!!
>>
>> heh
>>
> pup and I just went for a long walk. about 1 hour 45 hours. pup ran
> and played on walk. then at end of walk, back in my neighborhood pup
> met another dog. the wanderer. he played with her for about 15
> minutes. pup is feeling much better
> :)
excellent
jill
t'pist about almost this exact same thing and he said stuff to us that
sounds just like what your t'pist said to you *grin*
Yay for you :)
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
In article <6la5a4F...@mid.individual.net>,
confused <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote:
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
ji...@tuells.org
confused
tiiiiiiiiiired. tired tired tired
think we are going to bed
did i mention we are tired
(someone maybe feels like crying but think that's just cuz we so tired)
confused
> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> heh, my new worry is because I said that I'd been thinking about
>>>>>> seeing a new t he is going to just say ok and be done with me.
>>>>>> heh. wasn't that what I wanted?
>>>>>
>>>>> doubt he'd say that
>>>>> might explore whys and why nots tho
>>>>
>>>> <sigh>
>>>
>>> mmmm
>>>
>> we didn't talk about that. maybe next session. we had lots to talk
>> about this session
>
> saw that
>
> could you continue emails?
maybe. guess so. don't think he'll reply. or not much. he says he really
doesn't like email. he says he's a terrible typer and slow. he's only
ever replied once and didn't say much. think we can email him though.
>
>>>>>> ok, going back to not thinking about it :P
>>>>>
>>>>> ok
>>>>>
>>>> we are going to bed. we are still sleeping on the air mattress in
>>>> the living room. :/
>>>
>>> if you're sleeping, then why worry about that?
>>>
>> umm... heh, we will sound like cure. it isn't normal. ok, guess we
>> don't need to worry right now
>
> mhm
>
>>>> pup sleeps with us... heh, pup tends to get most of the space. pup
>>>> is spoiled!!!
>>>
>>> heh
>>>
>> pup and I just went for a long walk. about 1 hour 45 hours. pup ran
>> and played on walk. then at end of walk, back in my neighborhood pup
>> met another dog. the wanderer. he played with her for about 15
>> minutes. pup is feeling much better
>> :)
>
> excellent
>
ja, and now pup is snoring so loud I'm amazed the house isn't vibrating.
sheesh!
confused
cuz we are wimpy and some of us get scared of bed time and won't go to
bed but sleeping on the mattress feels sort of like camping or maybe a
slumber party or something and isn't so scary
astri
> Puddles wrote:
>> confused wrote:
>>> Puddles wrote:
>>>> Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>
>> We were waiting for this post and really really glad you toll us
>> about t session today.
>
> we are having troubles concentrating. did you tell about your t
> session
we were having trouble concentrating yesterday evening. got to the
point we couldn't concentrate well enough to respond to posts (that's
pretty extreme).
>>> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>>>
>>> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
>>> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
>>
>> Must have been nervous.
>>
> guess so. (Heh, she was scared to death. She was doing a lot of
> dissing before the session)
>>>
>>> first thing t said he got the email.
>>
>> right off the bat? he must have been very excited.
>
> guess so
either that or understood that it was important for him to acknowledge
having received it or you wouldn't be able to bring it up at all.
>> then we couldn't talk!!
>>
>> oof. hate it when we have no words at important moments.
>
> ja
>>
>>> we thought about talking about pup and what's been going on with
>>> him but we knew that would be avoidance.
>>
>> yes, you were right too.
>>
>>> finally we told t we couldn't talk.
>>
>> good move. sometimes its hard to even admit that you can't talk!
>>
> well t kept waiting for us and we just couldn't say anything. we know
> t is good at waiting but this time wasn't going to work for him to
> wait
>
>>> t talked then.
>>
>> good t.
>>
>>> is hard to remember.
>>
>> yes, know this well too.
>
> yep.
>>>
>>> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck.
>>
>> why do you think you kept getting stuck? was it frustrating or loud
>> or just hard to keep talking or...???
>>
> walls walls all sorts of walls. and then sometimes it got noisy.
understand this
frequently for us, it doesn't get noisy, it just gets empty. can't
find words because nothing is there.
>>> t waited for us to get unstuck.
>>
>> good t. our t often encourages us to 'stay with it' until we get
>> unstuck.
>>
> heh, don't know if I'd like that. our to knows we have troubles
> verbalizing. our t knows we've been made fun of for our pauses or
> saying "umm".
>
>>> we talked about being stuck too.
>>
>> good, how did that go?
>>
> think it went ok. is all muddled together now. think he used the word
> "constrained' at some point
>
>>> don't think I've ever tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
>>>
> we were getting frustrated! sometimes in the past t has told us it's
> ok and not to get frustrated. this time he just waited. think that
> was better
easier to let go of the frustration when he doesn't point it out?
>>> t said we aren't crazy.
>>
>> our t says that all the time too.
>>
> heh. it sure feels crazy!
well, yes
>>> we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying we
>>> were crazy).
>>
>> and we say exactly that.
>>
> yes, know you do. understand
>
>>> t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not.
>>
>> and then that is what our t says.
>>
> sheesh, think they are in cahoots? :P
of course they are
>>> he said he would know if we were crazy.
>>
>> yep, that too. must be true.
>>
> <sigh>
he would
>>> heh! since t kept saying we weren't crazy, we
>>> kept saying more to prove we were crazy
>>
>> constantly doing this except i try to tell t i am psychotic and BPD
>> and everything else you could possibly think of.
>>
> t doesn't like labels much. And.. umm... well, guess we don't like to
> appear like we are studying up on stuff. don't want to seem like we
> want problems (can't verbalize well). and is sort of habit to act
> like we know less then we know.
you mean if you know about stuff, then you must be faking because you
must have researched it so that you can fake it?
>>> and was finally talking pretty directly about our parts. :O
>>
>> YAE!!! hard work and you did it.
>>
> guess so. there's more to say
there's always more to say :/
>>> was really really hard and we still didn't
>>> say names or stuff.
>>
>> we didn't either at first and then came the point where we had to at
>> least name the part with 'labels' so that he could tell us apart. It
>> will happen with you too. It gets too confusing in session not to
>> label. Maybe eventually you can tell him they have names. t had
>> given us this opportunity a few times and then even gave us
>> opportunity to describe physical features if they had any.
>>
> understand. we did refer to oscar as the angry one. we've sort of
> talked about a little girl in the past. think it will come to. like
> you said, be really hard to explain things without it
yup. is why most of us took names in the first place. most of us
never had names before needing to talk in tpy. just knew the body's
name didn't fit.
>>> we know he knows now, can't pretend any other way.
>>
>> is not good to pretend. doesn't help anything.
>
> <sigh>
>>>
>>> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing.
>>
>> cause is.
>>
> yeah :)
>
>>> seems he likes ASD.
>>
>> our t was leery at first and gave warnings but after we printed
>> bunches of pages of bunches of conversations, he knows everyone here
>> by name! :)
>>
> well, we did tell t that it was people at ASD that kept telling us to
> talk to him. And t knows we have posted on online support groups
> before. think he knows it can help and we know to be careful. but he
> actually *liked* ASD.
how do you know he likes us?
>>> we told him our parts post here.
>>
>> yes, are you planning on inviting to come peek and see?
>>
> nah, t doesn't much like the computer. don't think t will. but we can
> maybe give him posts to read in the future. maybe!!!!
sure
>>> he says it's ok.
>>
>> good t
>>
>>> he says exploring is good
>>> and we are doing lots of hard work.
>>
>> YOU ARE
>>
> guess so
>
>>> we told him it was making things
>>> worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first.
>>
>> yes, it does
>>
> <sigh>
>
>>> he said that it will get better.
>>
> (think he said it differently then that)
>
>> we are hoping it does.
>>
> ye! hope it gets better for you
>
>>> we said we didn't believe it would end and he said it
>>> would.
>>
>> our t says too.
>>
> you have a good t too
>
>>> he said he understood why it would feel that way to us.
>>
>> think he really does?
>>
> umm... probably (dunno) (how could he know?)
how could he know that this stuff feels like it will never end?
>>> he said someday the past will be in the past
>>
>> that is where past belongs (so we are told).
>
> we keep thinking we've left it in the past and then it comes back
:P
>>> we talked some about oscar.
>>
>> did you say 'that angry part'?
>>
> yes. and also said he's like the critical voice. t liked that.
>
>>> he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't using names) talked to him.
>>> couldn't!!!!!
>>
>> i liked the idea of writing things down on paper from angry parts. I
>> think i could do that.
>>
> yeah, betsy had a good idea. maybe sometime we will tell t that. you
> going to tell your t that?
we write sometimes too
your mess makes sense from here, too. think it's just harder to
understand messes from the inside.
>>> we told t that's not ok.
>>
>> understand
>>
>>> t says it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and
>>> then he said it's his job to help it make sense.
>>
>> yes it is. do you trust him?
>>
> umm... (yes. maybe. don't really want to think about that)
heh
trust is never absolute
>>> t says it's really good we sent the
>>> email because there's now more we can talk about.
>>
>> oh, your t may not have any idea how much we like to talk in asd.
>>
> heh.
>
>>> he says we don't have
>>> to, we can back off when we need to.
>>
>> hmmm. yes.
>>
> think t wants us to be safe. t wants us to not get too lost in swirl
> and chaos. t maybe wants us to know we have control?
yes
our t wants that too
says always has to make sure about safety and functioning
even during the work
especially during the work
>>> we can talk about it when we need to.
>>
>> good.
>>
>>> he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
>>
>> our t said that too. must of been something they learned to say from
>> a text book??
>
> maybe gathring and jill are shredding the wrong book?
heh
>>> T said we aren't crazy. Wolfie didn't believe T and was saying it
>>> wasn't ok. Wolfie was almost crying. T said we are complex.
>>
>> yes, and think maybe different parts have different reactions.
>>
> :P (wasn't almost crying!!!)
>
>>> T started talking
>>> about trees and how they are complex.
>>
>> trees are heavily associated with DID. lots of ppl with this dx.
>> draw trees.
>>
> ja. and we were wearing our t-shirt from our synagogue that has the
> tree of life on it. t is pretty quick because the tee-shirt was under
> our sweatshirt he could just see a little part of it. he remembered
> from another time
>
>>> How they have all sorts of parts and the whole system is needed.
>>> Then he talked about the stars in the sky. He said the Milky Way
>>> is really complex and that's not bad at all. When you look at it,
>>> it's really beautiful. After Wolfie left t she thought about that
>>> and she started crying.
>>
>> yes, this is hard stuff you did here.
>
> meh!!!!
don't like to be given credit?
>>> t said we could talk more about therapy and "our relationship". we
>>> didn't do that.
>>
> umm.. not enough time? not sure what to say? (maybe... well... don't
> want to say the wrong thing and mess things up?)
understand.
maybe you can start this conversation in email? then you can see what
you communicate to him before you let him see. and then that gives
something for him to respond to in session?
>> how come not talked about the relationship?
>>
>>> Wolfie got really scared again.
>>
>> i wonder why?
>>
> wasn't that scared! was lots of other things to talk about.
>
>>> T is out of town for
>>> short trips and our schedules don't match up well.
>>
>> any way to fix that?
>>
> don't think so
>
>>> We have 2 more appointments set, 2 weeks away and then 2 weeks
>>> away
>>
>> are you ok with that? can you up your email allowance?
>
> don't know.
makes it easier for us to say difficult stuff. think we actually do
some better processing in email than in session.
>>> k, we are going to take a break.
>>
>> yes, big day!
>>
> we haven't been able to really concentrate and read other posts yet
> :/ after we finish this reeeeeeeeeeally long post we are going to eat
> dinner
we read but couldn't really concentrate or understand what we were
reading last night.
>>> we are really really tired
>>
>> we always are after big sessions.
>>
> yes. is lot of work
>
>>> AND pup
>>> wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
>>
>> :)
>
> he got a long walk. was good. pretty day.
good
astri
> tiiiiiiiiiired. tired tired tired
>
> think we are going to bed
>
> did i mention we are tired
>
> (someone maybe feels like crying but think that's just cuz we so tired)
did you sleep?
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> heh, my new worry is because I said that I'd been thinking
>>>>>>> about seeing a new t he is going to just say ok and be done
>>>>>>> with me. heh. wasn't that what I wanted?
>>>>>>
>>>>>> doubt he'd say that
>>>>>> might explore whys and why nots tho
>>>>>
>>>>> <sigh>
>>>>
>>>> mmmm
>>>>
>>> we didn't talk about that. maybe next session. we had lots to talk
>>> about this session
>>
>> saw that
>>
>> could you continue emails?
>
> maybe. guess so. don't think he'll reply. or not much. he says he
> really doesn't like email. he says he's a terrible typer and slow.
> he's only ever replied once and didn't say much. think we can email
> him though.
our t usually doesn't reply to our emails (unless we ask her to). when
she does, it's usually very brief. the exchange when we were having a
crisis about *her* was an exception. usually, tho, we get to process
stuff and know she sees it and then sometimes can continue talking
about it in session. makes it easier because it's already been said
(without having actually to *say* it).
astri
>>
>> hey, sleeping in the living room? on air mattress? how come?
>
> cuz we are wimpy and some of us get scared of bed time and won't go
> to bed but sleeping on the mattress feels sort of like camping or
> maybe a slumber party or something and isn't so scary
so what's wrong with that?
Ester
>
>> we told t none of this makes sense. we told t that's not ok. t says
>> it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he
>> said it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's really good we
>> sent the email because there's now more we can talk about. he says we
>> don't have to, we can back off when we need to. we can talk about it
>> when we need to. he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
>
> we've heard that before
>
>> T said we aren't crazy. Wolfie didn't believe T and was saying it
>> wasn't ok. Wolfie was almost crying. T said we are complex. T
>> started talking about trees and how they are complex. How they have
>> all sorts of parts and the whole system is needed. Then he talked
>> about the stars in the sky. He said the Milky Way is really complex
>> and that's not bad at all. When you look at it, it's really
>> beautiful. After Wolfie left t she thought about that and she started
>> crying.
>
> we hope this gets easier for wolfie
>
It seems like Wolfie is having a hard morning. I think she needs to
post. She seems "stuck" again. We keep trying to get moving but we
aren't really managing.
astri
maybe she'll post then
Ester
astri
or everyone :)
Wolfie of Confused
I don't know why she would want oscar to post. he would go after her for
sure
Wolfie of Confused
>> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>>
>> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
>> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
>
> :/
>
>> first thing t said he got the email. then we couldn't talk!! we
>> thought about talking about pup and what's been going on with him but
>> we knew that would be avoidance. finally we told t we couldn't talk.
>> t talked then. is hard to remember.
>>
>> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck. t waited for
>> us to get unstuck. we talked about being stuck too. don't think I've
>> ever tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
>
> bet it was hard. have you ever tried writing when you couldn't get
> words out? sometimes we can write on a piece of paper what we can't
> say out loud. we just make a writing motion and t knows what we need.
> sometimes when we write something on the paper and show it to her, that
> opens up the talking channels again (not always).
don't think that would work for most of us. unless I had something like
a lap top. we are dysgraphic. is frustrating when things come out
scrambled. is a lot of work. think oscar could write. don't think oscar
would care. not sure how far even oscar would get by hand.
<ponders> hmm.. maybe we can find work arounds for this
>
>> t said we aren't crazy. we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying
>> we were crazy). t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not. he said he
>> would know if we were crazy. heh! since t kept saying we weren't
>> crazy, we kept saying more to prove we were crazy and was finally
>> talking pretty directly about our parts. :O was really really hard
>> and we still didn't say names or stuff. we know he knows now, can't
>> pretend any other way.
>>
>> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing. seems he likes ASD.
>> we told him our parts post here. he says it's ok. he says exploring
>> is good and we are doing lots of hard work. we told him it was making
>> things worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first. he said
>> that it will get better. we said we didn't believe it would end and
>> he said it would. he said he understood why it would feel that way to
>> us. he said someday the past will be in the past
>
> gee. seems like t has some understanding about being many?
>
heh. seemed like he understood very well.
>> we talked some about oscar. he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't
>> using names) talked to him. couldn't!!!!! got really noisy then. we
>> told him how oscar gets mad and criticizes us and we get stuck. we
>> told him how when we are deep in swirl oscar gets us out but he does
>> it by making us hurt. t says there's other ways to get out
>>
>> t said we deserve to be treated gentle. he said he wanted us to take
>> care of ourself. same old same old. think maybe we made faces at
>> that.
>
> heh
>
> we would too
yes. <sigh>
>
>> we told t none of this makes sense. we told t that's not ok. t says
>> it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he
>> said it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's really good we
>> sent the email because there's now more we can talk about. he says we
>> don't have to, we can back off when we need to. we can talk about it
>> when we need to. he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
>
> we've heard that before
>
must be in the t handbook
confused
> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>
>>>>> made appointment for shiatsu tomorrow morning
>>>>>
>>>> hmm... we should probably know what shiatsu is but can't remember
>>>
>>> japanese form of massage
>>>
>> ok. was it good?
>
> uh huh
>
> she's good
>
Wolfie of Confused
Wolfie of Confused
> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> Puddles wrote:
>>> confused wrote:
>>>> Puddles wrote:
>>>>> Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>
>>> We were waiting for this post and really really glad you toll us
>>> about t session today.
>>
>> we are having troubles concentrating. did you tell about your t
>> session
>
> we were having trouble concentrating yesterday evening. got to the
> point we couldn't concentrate well enough to respond to posts (that's
> pretty extreme).
>
>>>> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>>>>
>>>> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
>>>> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
>>>
>>> Must have been nervous.
>>>
>> guess so. (Heh, she was scared to death. She was doing a lot of
>> dissing before the session)
>>>>
>>>> first thing t said he got the email.
>>>
>>> right off the bat? he must have been very excited.
>>
>> guess so
>
> either that or understood that it was important for him to acknowledge
> having received it or you wouldn't be able to bring it up at all.
>
>>> then we couldn't talk!!
>>>
>>> oof. hate it when we have no words at important moments.
>>
>> ja
>>>
>>>> we thought about talking about pup and what's been going on with
>>>> him but we knew that would be avoidance.
>>>
>>> yes, you were right too.
>>>
>>>> finally we told t we couldn't talk.
>>>
>>> good move. sometimes its hard to even admit that you can't talk!
>>>
>> well t kept waiting for us and we just couldn't say anything. we know
>> t is good at waiting but this time wasn't going to work for him to
>> wait
>>
>>>> t talked then.
>>>
>>> good t.
>>>
>>>> is hard to remember.
>>>
>>> yes, know this well too.
>>
>> yep.
>>>>
>>>> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck.
>>>
>>> why do you think you kept getting stuck? was it frustrating or loud
>>> or just hard to keep talking or...???
>>>
>> walls walls all sorts of walls. and then sometimes it got noisy.
>
> understand this
>
thought you'd understand
> frequently for us, it doesn't get noisy, it just gets empty. can't
> find words because nothing is there.
>
oh yes. know about the empty. is where we started. is maybe where we are
today?
>>>> t waited for us to get unstuck.
>>>
>>> good t. our t often encourages us to 'stay with it' until we get
>>> unstuck.
>>>
>> heh, don't know if I'd like that. our to knows we have troubles
>> verbalizing. our t knows we've been made fun of for our pauses or
>> saying "umm".
>>
>>>> we talked about being stuck too.
>>>
>>> good, how did that go?
>>>
>> think it went ok. is all muddled together now. think he used the word
>> "constrained' at some point
>>
>>>> don't think I've ever tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
>>>>
>> we were getting frustrated! sometimes in the past t has told us it's
>> ok and not to get frustrated. this time he just waited. think that
>> was better
>
> easier to let go of the frustration when he doesn't point it out?
>
think so. think probably having it pointed out can go back to old stuff.
first t and school and things like that.
>>>> t said we aren't crazy.
>>>
>>> our t says that all the time too.
>>>
>> heh. it sure feels crazy!
>
> well, yes
>
<sigh>
>>>> we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying we
>>>> were crazy).
>>>
>>> and we say exactly that.
>>>
>> yes, know you do. understand
>>
>>>> t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not.
>>>
>>> and then that is what our t says.
>>>
>> sheesh, think they are in cahoots? :P
>
> of course they are
>
hmpf! :P
>>>> he said he would know if we were crazy.
>>>
>>> yep, that too. must be true.
>>>
>> <sigh>
>
> he would
>
we ...well.. don't think we have been thinking much today but we get
little blurts of thought. during one of those "blurts" we were thinking
how t has more faith in us then we have in ourself. we've thought that
before.
>>>> heh! since t kept saying we weren't crazy, we
>>>> kept saying more to prove we were crazy
>>>
>>> constantly doing this except i try to tell t i am psychotic and BPD
>>> and everything else you could possibly think of.
>>>
>> t doesn't like labels much. And.. umm... well, guess we don't like to
>> appear like we are studying up on stuff. don't want to seem like we
>> want problems (can't verbalize well). and is sort of habit to act
>> like we know less then we know.
>
> you mean if you know about stuff, then you must be faking because you
> must have researched it so that you can fake it?
>
that's pretty much what we mean. twisty!
>>>> and was finally talking pretty directly about our parts. :O
>>>
>>> YAE!!! hard work and you did it.
>>>
>> guess so. there's more to say
>
> there's always more to say :/
>
<sigh>
>>>> was really really hard and we still didn't
>>>> say names or stuff.
>>>
>>> we didn't either at first and then came the point where we had to at
>>> least name the part with 'labels' so that he could tell us apart. It
>>> will happen with you too. It gets too confusing in session not to
>>> label. Maybe eventually you can tell him they have names. t had
>>> given us this opportunity a few times and then even gave us
>>> opportunity to describe physical features if they had any.
>>>
>> understand. we did refer to oscar as the angry one. we've sort of
>> talked about a little girl in the past. think it will come to. like
>> you said, be really hard to explain things without it
>
> yup. is why most of us took names in the first place. most of us
> never had names before needing to talk in tpy. just knew the body's
> name didn't fit.
>
is not how it's portrayed in the mass media. heh, imagine that
>>>> we know he knows now, can't pretend any other way.
>>>
>>> is not good to pretend. doesn't help anything.
>>
>> <sigh>
>>>>
>>>> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing.
>>>
>>> cause is.
>>>
>> yeah :)
>>
>>>> seems he likes ASD.
>>>
>>> our t was leery at first and gave warnings but after we printed
>>> bunches of pages of bunches of conversations, he knows everyone here
>>> by name! :)
>>>
>> well, we did tell t that it was people at ASD that kept telling us to
>> talk to him. And t knows we have posted on online support groups
>> before. think he knows it can help and we know to be careful. but he
>> actually *liked* ASD.
>
> how do you know he likes us?
>
umm...we said we hadn't been looking for ASD, that we "stumbled across
it'. he called it a happy surprise. he smiled. mostly t was serious
yesterday. lots of times t can be goofy and fun and even silly but not
yesterday, but then he had the fun smile. dunno.
hmm... wasn't me who said that. think it was oscar? think he meant how
could he know what it felt like.
>>>> he said someday the past will be in the past
>>>
>>> that is where past belongs (so we are told).
>>
>> we keep thinking we've left it in the past and then it comes back
>
> :P
heh. stupid past!
>
>>>> we talked some about oscar.
>>>
>>> did you say 'that angry part'?
>>>
>> yes. and also said he's like the critical voice. t liked that.
>>
>>>> he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't using names) talked to him.
>>>> couldn't!!!!!
>>>
>>> i liked the idea of writing things down on paper from angry parts. I
>>> think i could do that.
>>>
>> yeah, betsy had a good idea. maybe sometime we will tell t that. you
>> going to tell your t that?
>
> we write sometimes too
>
k, we are going to think more about this
understand this.
>
>>>> we told t that's not ok.
>>>
>>> understand
>>>
>>>> t says it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and
>>>> then he said it's his job to help it make sense.
>>>
>>> yes it is. do you trust him?
>>>
>> umm... (yes. maybe. don't really want to think about that)
>
> heh
>
> trust is never absolute
>
>>>> t says it's really good we sent the
>>>> email because there's now more we can talk about.
>>>
>>> oh, your t may not have any idea how much we like to talk in asd.
>>>
>> heh.
>>
>>>> he says we don't have
>>>> to, we can back off when we need to.
>>>
>>> hmmm. yes.
>>>
>> think t wants us to be safe. t wants us to not get too lost in swirl
>> and chaos. t maybe wants us to know we have control?
>
> yes
> our t wants that too
> says always has to make sure about safety and functioning
> even during the work
> especially during the work
>
yes. think that is why t was emphasizing taking care of ourself so much.
think maybe t has tried to pull us back from stuff in the past (again,
not worded well). he isn't this time so guess he thinks we are ready?
>>>> we can talk about it when we need to.
>>>
>>> good.
>>>
>>>> he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
>>>
>>> our t said that too. must of been something they learned to say from
>>> a text book??
>>
>> maybe gathring and jill are shredding the wrong book?
>
> heh
>
:P
>>>> T said we aren't crazy. Wolfie didn't believe T and was saying it
>>>> wasn't ok. Wolfie was almost crying. T said we are complex.
>>>
>>> yes, and think maybe different parts have different reactions.
>>>
>> :P (wasn't almost crying!!!)
>>
>>>> T started talking
>>>> about trees and how they are complex.
>>>
>>> trees are heavily associated with DID. lots of ppl with this dx.
>>> draw trees.
>>>
>> ja. and we were wearing our t-shirt from our synagogue that has the
>> tree of life on it. t is pretty quick because the tee-shirt was under
>> our sweatshirt he could just see a little part of it. he remembered
>> from another time
>>
>>>> How they have all sorts of parts and the whole system is needed.
>>>> Then he talked about the stars in the sky. He said the Milky Way
>>>> is really complex and that's not bad at all. When you look at it,
>>>> it's really beautiful. After Wolfie left t she thought about that
>>>> and she started crying.
>>>
>>> yes, this is hard stuff you did here.
>>
>> meh!!!!
>
> don't like to be given credit?
>
ummm...don't like to be given credit. don't like that t maybe got to me.
seems a dumb thing to cry over.
>>>> t said we could talk more about therapy and "our relationship". we
>>>> didn't do that.
>>>
>> umm.. not enough time? not sure what to say? (maybe... well... don't
>> want to say the wrong thing and mess things up?)
>
> understand.
>
> maybe you can start this conversation in email? then you can see what
> you communicate to him before you let him see. and then that gives
> something for him to respond to in session?
we were thinking about that. guess we can try
>
>>> how come not talked about the relationship?
>>>
>>>> Wolfie got really scared again.
>>>
>>> i wonder why?
>>>
>> wasn't that scared! was lots of other things to talk about.
>>
>>>> T is out of town for
>>>> short trips and our schedules don't match up well.
>>>
>>> any way to fix that?
>>>
>> don't think so
>>
>>>> We have 2 more appointments set, 2 weeks away and then 2 weeks
>>>> away
>>>
>>> are you ok with that? can you up your email allowance?
>>
>> don't know.
>
> makes it easier for us to say difficult stuff. think we actually do
> some better processing in email than in session.
>
t says we are saying stuff to ourself too. t seemed to think it was good
>>>> k, we are going to take a break.
>>>
>>> yes, big day!
>>>
>> we haven't been able to really concentrate and read other posts yet
>> :/ after we finish this reeeeeeeeeeally long post we are going to eat
>> dinner
>
> we read but couldn't really concentrate or understand what we were
> reading last night.
>
regrets
>>>> we are really really tired
>>>
>>> we always are after big sessions.
>>>
>> yes. is lot of work
>>
>>>> AND pup
>>>> wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
>>>
>>> :)
>>
>> he got a long walk. was good. pretty day.
>
> good
>
very soon will take the pup out
confused
> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>
>> tiiiiiiiiiired. tired tired tired
>>
>> think we are going to bed
>>
>> did i mention we are tired
>>
>> (someone maybe feels like crying but think that's just cuz we so tired)
>
> did you sleep?
>
we wanted to get chores done. oscar is upset because vacation ends now
and he expected us to accomplish more.
astri
maybe she's used to that?
Wolfie of Confused
confused
> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>> Puddles wrote:
>>>
>>> hey, sleeping in the living room? on air mattress? how come?
>>
>> cuz we are wimpy and some of us get scared of bed time and won't go
>> to bed but sleeping on the mattress feels sort of like camping or
>> maybe a slumber party or something and isn't so scary
>
> so what's wrong with that?
>
astri
> astri wrote:
>>> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>>>
>>> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
>>> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
>>
>> :/
>>
>>> first thing t said he got the email. then we couldn't talk!! we
>>> thought about talking about pup and what's been going on with him
>>> but we knew that would be avoidance. finally we told t we couldn't
>>> talk. t talked then. is hard to remember.
>>>
>>> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck. t waited for
>>> us to get unstuck. we talked about being stuck too. don't think
>>> I've ever tried that hard to talk when stuck like that
>>
>> bet it was hard. have you ever tried writing when you couldn't get
>> words out? sometimes we can write on a piece of paper what we can't
>> say out loud. we just make a writing motion and t knows what we
>> need. sometimes when we write something on the paper and show it to
>> her, that opens up the talking channels again (not always).
>
> don't think that would work for most of us. unless I had something
> like a lap top. we are dysgraphic. is frustrating when things come
> out scrambled. is a lot of work. think oscar could write. don't think
> oscar would care. not sure how far even oscar would get by hand.
>
> <ponders> hmm.. maybe we can find work arounds for this
does t have a laptop?
do you have one you can bring?
>>> t said we aren't crazy. we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying
>>> we were crazy). t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not. he said
>>> he would know if we were crazy. heh! since t kept saying we weren't
>>> crazy, we kept saying more to prove we were crazy and was finally
>>> talking pretty directly about our parts. :O was really really hard
>>> and we still didn't say names or stuff. we know he knows now, can't
>>> pretend any other way.
>>>
>>> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing. seems he likes ASD.
>>> we told him our parts post here. he says it's ok. he says exploring
>>> is good and we are doing lots of hard work. we told him it was
>>> making things worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first.
>>> he said that it will get better. we said we didn't believe it would
>>> end and he said it would. he said he understood why it would feel
>>> that way to us. he said someday the past will be in the past
>>
>> gee. seems like t has some understanding about being many?
>>
> heh. seemed like he understood very well.
mhm
>>> we talked some about oscar. he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't
>>> using names) talked to him. couldn't!!!!! got really noisy then. we
>>> told him how oscar gets mad and criticizes us and we get stuck. we
>>> told him how when we are deep in swirl oscar gets us out but he
>>> does it by making us hurt. t says there's other ways to get out
>>>
>>> t said we deserve to be treated gentle. he said he wanted us to
>>> take care of ourself. same old same old. think maybe we made faces
>>> at that.
>>
>> heh
>>
>> we would too
>
> yes. <sigh>
>>
>>> we told t none of this makes sense. we told t that's not ok. t says
>>> it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he
>>> said it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's really good we
>>> sent the email because there's now more we can talk about. he says
>>> we don't have to, we can back off when we need to. we can talk
>>> about it when we need to. he said we can make our walls
>>> 'semi-permeable"
>>
>> we've heard that before
>>
> must be in the t handbook
yeah.
the secret one they share only among themselves.
astri
*this* time she suggested maybe just regular monthly appointments
instead of waiting 4-6 months until it's really bad and then going
weekly for a few and then disappearing for 4-6 months until it's really
bad and then (she has our number).
we couldn't do that before she offered it, tho. maybe we'll do that
after this series of getting back to reasonable.
astri
> so can you tell me why we feel so tired and... blah today?
do you still have symptoms of a sinus infection? are the antibiotics
working?
Baba Yaga
another thread plunged into the middle of. <<sigh>>
confused <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote, in
alt.support.dissociation:
does facing always mean defying, or can it mean finding healthy ways
to live with/ around?
Baba Yaga
--
can't find geysers if you spend all your time wallowing in mudpits, ya
know?
- gathring
Ester
> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Ester wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Ester wrote:
>>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> we hope this gets easier for wolfie
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> It seems like Wolfie is having a hard morning. I think she needs
>>>>>> to post. She seems "stuck" again. We keep trying to get moving
>>>>>> but we aren't really managing.
>>>>>
>>>>> maybe she'll post then
>>>>>
>>>> That would be good. If not, maybe Oscar needs to post.
>>>
>>> or everyone :)
>>>
>> heh
>>
>> I don't know why she would want oscar to post. he would go after her
>> for sure
>
> maybe she's used to that?
>
You two get locked together. He's yelling at us and making demands and
you start feeling hopeless and filling us with "can't".
Wolfie of Confused
no and no... I could potentially borrow one though. hmm... (someday we
will have a lap top. really want one)
<snip>
>>>
>>>> we told t none of this makes sense. we told t that's not ok. t says
>>>> it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he
>>>> said it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's really good we
>>>> sent the email because there's now more we can talk about. he says
>>>> we don't have to, we can back off when we need to. we can talk
>>>> about it when we need to. he said we can make our walls
>>>> 'semi-permeable"
>>>
>>> we've heard that before
>>>
>> must be in the t handbook
>
> yeah.
> the secret one they share only among themselves.
>
heh :)
Wolfie of Confused
> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>>> made appointment for shiatsu tomorrow morning
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> hmm... we should probably know what shiatsu is but can't remember
>>>>>
>>>>> japanese form of massage
>>>>>
>>>> ok. was it good?
>>>
>>> uh huh
>>>
>>> she's good
>>>
>> :)
>
> *this* time she suggested maybe just regular monthly appointments
> instead of waiting 4-6 months until it's really bad and then going
> weekly for a few and then disappearing for 4-6 months until it's really
> bad and then (she has our number).
lol. sounds like things our chiropractor has said!
>
> we couldn't do that before she offered it, tho. maybe we'll do that
> after this series of getting back to reasonable.
>
hope you can.
confused
> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>
>> so can you tell me why we feel so tired and... blah today?
>
> do you still have symptoms of a sinus infection? are the antibiotics
> working?
>
but... hmm... k, shay says "not all better"
Wolfie of Confused
> another fly-by, on the way to bed, where we really want to be ... and
> another thread plunged into the middle of. <<sigh>>
>
is trying to give you tea and biscuits or something?
get some sleep and come back and visit :)
> confused <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote, in
> alt.support.dissociation:
>
>> astri wrote:
>>> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>>> Puddles wrote:
>>>>> hey, sleeping in the living room? on air mattress? how come?
>>>> cuz we are wimpy and some of us get scared of bed time and won't go
>>>> to bed but sleeping on the mattress feels sort of like camping or
>>>> maybe a slumber party or something and isn't so scary
>>> so what's wrong with that?
>>>
>> we aren't supposed to be afraid? we are supposed to face our fears?
>
> does facing always mean defying, or can it mean finding healthy ways
> to live with/ around?
>
<sigh> logically, finding ways to live with and around fear seems good
so why does it bother us so much? is too obvious a sign of problems.
hmpf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> Puddles wrote:
>>>> confused wrote:
>>
>>>>> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>>>>>
>>>>> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept
>>>>> almost getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
>>>>
>>>> Must have been nervous.
>>>>
>>> guess so. (Heh, she was scared to death. She was doing a lot of
>>> dissing before the session)
>>>>>
>>>>> first thing t said he got the email.
>>>>
>>>> right off the bat? he must have been very excited.
>>>
>>> guess so
>>
>> either that or understood that it was important for him to
>> acknowledge having received it or you wouldn't be able to bring it
>> up at all.
>>
> think that's more true.
ok
>>>> then we couldn't talk!!
>>>>
>>>> oof. hate it when we have no words at important moments.
>>>
>>> ja
>>>>
>>>>> we thought about talking about pup and what's been going on with
>>>>> him but we knew that would be avoidance.
>>>>
>>>> yes, you were right too.
>>>>
>>>>> finally we told t we couldn't talk.
>>>>
>>>> good move. sometimes its hard to even admit that you can't talk!
>>>>
>>> well t kept waiting for us and we just couldn't say anything. we
>>> know t is good at waiting but this time wasn't going to work for
>>> him to wait
>>>
>>>>> t talked then.
>>>>
>>>> good t.
>>>>
>>>>> is hard to remember.
>>>>
>>>> yes, know this well too.
>>>
>>> yep.
>>>>>
>>>>> umm.... we finally did talk but we kept getting stuck.
>>>>
>>>> why do you think you kept getting stuck? was it frustrating or
>>>> loud or just hard to keep talking or...???
>>>>
>>> walls walls all sorts of walls. and then sometimes it got noisy.
>>
>> understand this
>>
> thought you'd understand
:/
(hey, did you notice that thunderbird doesn't seem to mess up
emoticons?)
>> frequently for us, it doesn't get noisy, it just gets empty. can't
>> find words because nothing is there.
>>
> oh yes. know about the empty. is where we started. is maybe where we
> are today?
ok.
sometimes empty is just is
sometimes is frustrating
think when is in tpy is mostly frustrating
> >>>> t waited for us to get unstuck.
>>>>
>>>> good t. our t often encourages us to 'stay with it' until we get
>>>> unstuck.
>>>>
>>> heh, don't know if I'd like that. our to knows we have troubles
>>> verbalizing. our t knows we've been made fun of for our pauses or
>>> saying "umm".
>>>
>>>>> we talked about being stuck too.
>>>>
>>>> good, how did that go?
>>>>
>>> think it went ok. is all muddled together now. think he used the
>>> word "constrained' at some point
>>>
>>>>> don't think I've ever tried that hard to talk when stuck like
>>>>> that
>>>>>
>>> we were getting frustrated! sometimes in the past t has told us it's
>>> ok and not to get frustrated. this time he just waited. think that
>>> was better
>>
>> easier to let go of the frustration when he doesn't point it out?
>>
> think so. think probably having it pointed out can go back to old
> stuff. first t and school and things like that.
ah
>>>>> t said we aren't crazy.
>>>>
>>>> our t says that all the time too.
>>>>
>>> heh. it sure feels crazy!
>>
>> well, yes
>>
> <sigh>
mhm
>>>>> we talked about that a lot. (we kept saying we
>>>>> were crazy).
>>>>
>>>> and we say exactly that.
>>>>
>>> yes, know you do. understand
>>>
>>>>> t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not.
>>>>
>>>> and then that is what our t says.
>>>>
>>> sheesh, think they are in cahoots? :P
>>
>> of course they are
>>
> hmpf! :P
heh
>>>>> he said he would know if we were crazy.
>>>>
>>>> yep, that too. must be true.
>>>>
>>> <sigh>
>>
>> he would
>>
> we ...well.. don't think we have been thinking much today but we get
> little blurts of thought. during one of those "blurts" we were
> thinking how t has more faith in us then we have in ourself. we've
> thought that before.
think is one of their jobs
>>>>> heh! since t kept saying we weren't crazy, we
>>>>> kept saying more to prove we were crazy
>>>>
>>>> constantly doing this except i try to tell t i am psychotic and
>>>> BPD and everything else you could possibly think of.
>>>>
>>> t doesn't like labels much. And.. umm... well, guess we don't like
>>> to appear like we are studying up on stuff. don't want to seem like
>>> we want problems (can't verbalize well). and is sort of habit to
>>> act like we know less then we know.
>>
>> you mean if you know about stuff, then you must be faking because
>> you must have researched it so that you can fake it?
>>
> that's pretty much what we mean. twisty!
and self-defeating
>>>>> and was finally talking pretty directly about our parts. :O
>>>>
>>>> YAE!!! hard work and you did it.
>>>>
>>> guess so. there's more to say
>>
>> there's always more to say :/
>>
> <sigh>
>
>>>>> was really really hard and we still didn't
>>>>> say names or stuff.
>>>>
>>>> we didn't either at first and then came the point where we had to
>>>> at least name the part with 'labels' so that he could tell us
>>>> apart. It will happen with you too. It gets too confusing in
>>>> session not to label. Maybe eventually you can tell him they have
>>>> names. t had given us this opportunity a few times and then even
>>>> gave us opportunity to describe physical features if they had any.
>>>>
>>> understand. we did refer to oscar as the angry one. we've sort of
>>> talked about a little girl in the past. think it will come to. like
>>> you said, be really hard to explain things without it
>>
>> yup. is why most of us took names in the first place. most of us
>> never had names before needing to talk in tpy. just knew the body's
>> name didn't fit.
>>
> is not how it's portrayed in the mass media. heh, imagine that
heh
>>>>> we know he knows now, can't pretend any other way.
>>>>
>>>> is not good to pretend. doesn't help anything.
>>>
>>> <sigh>
>>>>>
>>>>> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing.
>>>>
>>>> cause is.
>>>>
>>> yeah :)
>>>
>>>>> seems he likes ASD.
>>>>
>>>> our t was leery at first and gave warnings but after we printed
>>>> bunches of pages of bunches of conversations, he knows everyone
>>>> here by name! :)
>>>>
>>> well, we did tell t that it was people at ASD that kept telling us
>>> to talk to him. And t knows we have posted on online support groups
>>> before. think he knows it can help and we know to be careful. but
>>> he actually *liked* ASD.
>>
>> how do you know he likes us?
>>
> umm...we said we hadn't been looking for ASD, that we "stumbled
> across it'. he called it a happy surprise. he smiled. mostly t was
> serious yesterday. lots of times t can be goofy and fun and even
> silly but not yesterday, but then he had the fun smile. dunno.
ok
was he saying he knows how it feels?
>>>>> he said someday the past will be in the past
>>>>
>>>> that is where past belongs (so we are told).
>>>
>>> we keep thinking we've left it in the past and then it comes back
>>
>> :P
>
> heh. stupid past!
yup
>>>>> we talked some about oscar.
>>>>
>>>> did you say 'that angry part'?
>>>>
>>> yes. and also said he's like the critical voice. t liked that.
>>>
>>>>> he said it was ok if oscar (we weren't using names) talked to
>>>>> him. couldn't!!!!!
>>>>
>>>> i liked the idea of writing things down on paper from angry parts.
>>>> I think i could do that.
>>>>
>>> yeah, betsy had a good idea. maybe sometime we will tell t that.
>>> you going to tell your t that?
>>
>> we write sometimes too
>>
> k, we are going to think more about this
ok
btw, isn't *easy* for us to write when we're in that state. is just
easier than speaking. and we don't write long things or even complete
sentences. we write just enough for the message.
mhm
maybe
why?
>>>>> t said we could talk more about therapy and "our relationship".
>>>>> we didn't do that.
>>>>
>>> umm.. not enough time? not sure what to say? (maybe... well...
>>> don't want to say the wrong thing and mess things up?)
>>
>> understand.
>>
>> maybe you can start this conversation in email? then you can see
>> what you communicate to him before you let him see. and then that
>> gives something for him to respond to in session?
>
> we were thinking about that. guess we can try
ok
>>>> how come not talked about the relationship?
>>>>
>>>>> Wolfie got really scared again.
>>>>
>>>> i wonder why?
>>>>
>>> wasn't that scared! was lots of other things to talk about.
>>>
>>>>> T is out of town for
>>>>> short trips and our schedules don't match up well.
>>>>
>>>> any way to fix that?
>>>>
>>> don't think so
>>>
>>>>> We have 2 more appointments set, 2 weeks away and then 2 weeks
>>>>> away
>>>>
>>>> are you ok with that? can you up your email allowance?
>>>
>>> don't know.
>>
>> makes it easier for us to say difficult stuff. think we actually do
>> some better processing in email than in session.
>>
> t says we are saying stuff to ourself too. t seemed to think it was
> good
mhm
(was)
>>>>> k, we are going to take a break.
>>>>
>>>> yes, big day!
>>>>
>>> we haven't been able to really concentrate and read other posts yet
>>> :/ after we finish this reeeeeeeeeeally long post we are going to
>>> eat dinner
>>
>> we read but couldn't really concentrate or understand what we were
>> reading last night.
>>
> regrets
think was spike in anxiety. not sure why. maybe due to seeing pdoc?
>>>>> we are really really tired
>>>>
>>>> we always are after big sessions.
>>>>
>>> yes. is lot of work
>>>
>>>>> AND pup
>>>>> wants a walk and we may give shay some ice cream maybe dunno
>>>>
>>>> :)
>>>
>>> he got a long walk. was good. pretty day.
>>
>> good
>>
> very soon will take the pup out
ok
thinking about trying to write more in report. sir lala is off with
auntie today.
astri
are you still sick?
astri
:P
who gave you those contradictory and knot-tying rules?
astri
that's an interesting observation.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> don't think that would work for most of us. unless I had something
>>> like a lap top. we are dysgraphic. is frustrating when things come
>>> out scrambled. is a lot of work. think oscar could write. don't think
>>> oscar would care. not sure how far even oscar would get by hand.
>>>
>>> <ponders> hmm.. maybe we can find work arounds for this
>>
>> does t have a laptop?
>> do you have one you can bring?
>
> no and no... I could potentially borrow one though. hmm... (someday
> we will have a lap top. really want one)
laptops are cool. we have one for work. c has one at home that we can
take on trips.
>>>>> we told t none of this makes sense. we told t that's not ok. t
>>>>> says it doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and
>>>>> then he said it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's
>>>>> really good we sent the email because there's now more we can
>>>>> talk about. he says we don't have to, we can back off when we
>>>>> need to. we can talk about it when we need to. he said we can
>>>>> make our walls 'semi-permeable"
>>>>
>>>> we've heard that before
>>>>
>>> must be in the t handbook
>>
>> yeah.
>> the secret one they share only among themselves.
>>
> heh :)
think they must have a secret handshake, too
Wolfie of Confused
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Ester wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, Ester wrote:
>>>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> we hope this gets easier for wolfie
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> It seems like Wolfie is having a hard morning. I think she needs
>>>>>>> to post. She seems "stuck" again. We keep trying to get moving
>>>>>>> but we aren't really managing.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> maybe she'll post then
>>>>>>
>>>>> That would be good. If not, maybe Oscar needs to post.
>>>>
>>>> or everyone :)
>>>>
>>> heh
>>>
>>> I don't know why she would want oscar to post. he would go after her
>>> for sure
>>
>> maybe she's used to that?
>>
> Yes.
>
> You two get locked together. He's yelling at us and making demands and
> you start feeling hopeless and filling us with "can't".
<sigh>
ok, we are taking pup out. I think you're right and oscar probably needs
to post. let's go out and walk pup, that usually helps. I will promise
oscar that we will scoop dog poop and do laundry today. how about that?
we've already cleaned up the kitchen and emptied the litter box.
astri
> astri wrote:
>> On Sat, 11 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>> astri wrote:
>>>>>> On Thu, 9 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> made appointment for shiatsu tomorrow morning
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> hmm... we should probably know what shiatsu is but can't
>>>>>>> remember
>>>>>>
>>>>>> japanese form of massage
>>>>>>
>>>>> ok. was it good?
>>>>
>>>> uh huh
>>>>
>>>> she's good
>>>>
>>> :)
>>
>> *this* time she suggested maybe just regular monthly appointments
>> instead of waiting 4-6 months until it's really bad and then going
>> weekly for a few and then disappearing for 4-6 months until it's
>> really bad and then (she has our number).
>
> lol. sounds like things our chiropractor has said!
:P
>> we couldn't do that before she offered it, tho. maybe we'll do that
>> after this series of getting back to reasonable.
>>
> hope you can.
thinking about it is the first step to maybe getting to do it
astri
so that might explain it
astri
>> another fly-by, on the way to bed, where we really want to be ...
>> and another thread plunged into the middle of. <<sigh>>
>>
> nothing wrong with plunging in. we enjoy your posts. did you see
> astri is trying to give you tea and biscuits or something?
>
> get some sleep and come back and visit :)
yes! yes!
>> confused <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote, in
>> alt.support.dissociation:
>>> astri wrote:
>>>> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>>>> Puddles wrote:
>>>>>> hey, sleeping in the living room? on air mattress? how come?
>>>>> cuz we are wimpy and some of us get scared of bed time and won't
>>>>> go to bed but sleeping on the mattress feels sort of like camping
>>>>> or maybe a slumber party or something and isn't so scary
>>>> so what's wrong with that?
>>>>
>>> we aren't supposed to be afraid? we are supposed to face our fears?
>>
>> does facing always mean defying, or can it mean finding healthy ways
>> to live with/ around?
>>
> <sigh> logically, finding ways to live with and around fear seems
> good
>
> so why does it bother us so much? is too obvious a sign of problems.
> hmpf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so is pup or old cat going to tell on you or something?
astri
seems like you're starting to try to work on cooperating again.
gathring
> jill wrote:
>> x-no-archive: yes
>>
>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>
>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>
> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
remember feel is just feel, not necessarily 'real'
>> good job :)
>>
>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
>
> thank you. and thank you to gathring and juniper who also replied
>>
>> In article <6kteq1F...@mid.individual.net>,
>> confused <nospamsometi...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>> x-no-archive: yes
>>>
>>> k, sent this to t
>
> <Snip what we sent>
--
“There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.” -- Jeremy S. Anderson
gathring
> astri wrote:
>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2008, Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>>> jill wrote:
>>>>
>>>> WOW *sitting in amazed and awed silence*
>>>>
>>>> You SENT this??!!! This is SO powerful!! I am in awe that you
>>>> were strong enough to say all of this. WOW
>>>>
>>> we don't feel strong at all. we... think maybe we've ruined t.
>>
>>
> feels like sending the email means everything will change. can't get rid
> of the thoughts that t will think we are crazy/bad now. don't know what
> will happen.
in some respects, everything will change. change is, however, not a bad
thing. its just often very uncomfortable. but then, yous knew that.
> we took pup for a walk. we thought a bit about walls. was thinking that
> maybe why i hurt so much right now is i broke down a wall. seems if *I*
> did it then if I have to I can put it back up. or something.
you most certainly can control who comes through that 'breach'. can
build a new wall if you want, or a strong door with a key that only you
have,
gathring
> Puddles wrote:
>> Wolfie of Confused wrote:
>
>>>
>>> not sure it was the right thing. trying not to think about it.
>>> tomorrow we see t.
>>
>> was today!!! we saw t today too. catching up on posts in order,
>> wanting to see how it went.
>
> you gonna post about seeing t?
>
> k, we are trying to post about today. is hard to think.
>
> we stopped for gas on way to t and sort of got lost. we kept almost
> getting on the interstate going wrong way. heh.
>
>
> to get unstuck. we talked about being stuck too. don't think I've ever
>
> were crazy). t says it maybe feels crazy but it's not. he said he would
> know if we were crazy. heh! since t kept saying we weren't crazy, we
> kept saying more to prove we were crazy and was finally talking pretty
> directly about our parts. :O was really really hard and we still didn't
> say names or stuff. we know he knows now, can't pretend any other way.
>
> we told t about ASD. he said it's a good thing. seems he likes ASD. we
> told him our parts post here. he says it's ok. he says exploring is good
> and we are doing lots of hard work. we told him it was making things
> worse (more chaotic). he says that happens at first. he said that it
> will get better. we said we didn't believe it would end and he said it
> would. he said he understood why it would feel that way to us. he said
>
> names) talked to him. couldn't!!!!! got really noisy then. we told him
> how oscar gets mad and criticizes us and we get stuck. we told him how
>
> t said we deserve to be treated gentle. he said he wanted us to take
>
> doesn't have to make sense but i wasn't ok with that and then he said
> it's his job to help it make sense. t says it's really good we sent the
> email because there's now more we can talk about. he says we don't have
> to, we can back off when we need to. we can talk about it when we need
> to. he said we can make our walls 'semi-permeable"
>
> about trees and how they are complex. How they have all sorts of parts
> sky. He said the Milky Way is really complex and that's not bad at all.
> When you look at it, it's really beautiful. After Wolfie left t she
> thought about that and she started crying.
>
> short trips and our schedules don't match up well. We have 2 more
>
just wanted to say you are amazing.
gathring
> astri wrote:
>> On Fri, 10 Oct 2008, confused wrote:
>>
>>>
>>> think we are going to bed
>>>
>>> did i mention we are tired
>>>
>>> (someone maybe feels like crying but think that's just cuz we so tired)
>>
>> did you sleep?
>>
> yes. we seem really really tired today though
>
> we wanted to get chores done. oscar is upset because vacation ends now
> and he expected us to accomplish more.
you accomplished some amazing things, even if they aren't as visible as
oscar would like.