Would I want to live life over again just as it was? NO. If I was going
to do it again, I would want a chance to do some things differently, as
I guess a lot of us would. But, that does not mean I want to end this
life because of the fact that I can not relive what is already gone by.
I have hope that the years coming are going to be better than now. Of
course having this hope does not make me feel better now, it just one
of the things that keeps me hanging on... No matter how bad I feel.
I also have to remember that despite all the downs I have experienced
and guilt I may feel, that I have also had positive impacts. Thank God
that I have a good family circle. This helps alot, I know we don't all
have that. But I still feel bad, especially when I am alone or have no
fun in my life.
Can I decide that life sucks and not be depressed? Sure, I would think
so. But I don't think that this leads to thoughts of suicide, in
general. I think instead it causes one to think about ways to make it
'unsuck'. I guess this is what coping is about.
It is funny, but when I am not depressed and not manic, I am very good
at being there for other people around me. So there is something to all
It is just the roller-coaster part of it that really tires me out.
I had the same feelings for years (past 20) and didn't think to much
about it. after all I was told I had everything...so what should I be
so depressed about to think suicide...It wasn't until my marriage of 20
years broke up...that I searched for good therapy and realized a
lot...through the therapy I found validity in my irrational
thinking...and now I can concentrate on getting my life back...please
find counseling...sounds like there are some pretty heavy stressers in
life whether you realize it or not..you may be pushing them back so as
not to have to confront them...please call a support group or
center...let them lead you in the right direction...your local Mental
Health Center may be the place to start and good luck...I almost gave up
and I am glad I am fighting back...it's worth it...whether we see it
right now or not...
Becky & Joe (Joe...my dearest friend, who helped me see things I'd never
given myself a chance to see before and encouraged me to continue to
On the other hand, every biological individual survives by eating another
biological life form. There is an essential tension between survival and
Most if not all of us humans (reading here) have it better than struggling
for mere physical survival. The essential tension plays out in more
subtle ways between the ethnic identity and the individual desire for free
Some succumb and die. Suicide, though it may not be "natural," seems to
BTW, I am not depressive or suicidal now. Thanks to Paxil!!