Violence and agression
TK
into this minefield.
What are your opinions on and experiences of physical violence and agression
from people suffering from BP? Is it common? Do you as a BeePer yourself
have experiences with being physically agressive or abusive? Feel free to
change the 'I' in any replies if you're talking about youself. What I'm
looking for is thoughts and experiences concerning this agressiveness as a
possible aspect of Bipolar Disorder. I have no desire to 'know *who's* done
what' but to find out what you think and feel.
I'm just trying to find some explanations and patterns...
Would be very grateful for comments and replies.
Hugs,
TK
Xar
I am violence and agression... I am feared by men and others who make
me angry... I am BP and ADHD (what a joy) and highly functioning.
however my co-werkers fear me for what i might do....
I am hostile and grouchy and physically very large and agile...
I HATE IT... If I was 5ft tall and 100lbs no one would take me
seriously.
Point is I have been jailed several times for assaulting police
officers (and huring them I might add).
For me anger is a way to deal with hurt in my BP ness...
I yell and scream but .... I am rage, I rage....
In my manic states I used to go look for fights and enjoy the feeling
of my fist being plunged with great force into anothers face, it was
soft abd warm, it was soft feeling like warm bread fresh from an oven.
I am mellower these days but I do wonder if I will yet again be
mean.... RAGE? RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGEEEE!
-I do not mean to sound scary but that is how I feel.... Am I sick??
Yes, I am a big mean brute and dont even mean to be that way...
I suck, I will have to leave my family because I am verbally cursing
sand swearing alot (no violence with the family or anything).
I do not feel the kids should be subjected to my rants!
-I wish there was ill that made the bad me go away and I could be
nice!
-XAR
"TK" <remove....@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:<5vS88.74$%m1....@news4.ulv.nextra.no>...
Ricky Ricardo
"TK" <remove....@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:5vS88.74$%m1....@news4.ulv.nextra.no...
Goblin
Even Relic who is the atomic bomb of protective insiders won't ever hurt
Laurie. But a pushy t*acher might be the recipient of a severe face
spanking. But then t*achers are triggers for me. GGGGrrrrrrrrrr.
Luckily Goblin has some measure of control over the agressive insiders.
So the agression will usually exhibite itself in a verbal way. This can be
done by laying traps. A good example is the thread on testosterone in which
Goblin asked a femme if she had testosterone. The answer was already known
to Goblin, and you heard it here first folks. Women have a small amount of
testosterone that is produced by the adrenal glands. Hence a femme need to
shave legs and arm PiTS, and the occasional need to bleach upper liPs.
HEHEHE.
Agression will also take the form of insults when a trigger has been
activated. This arises from the fact that the system is itself very
vulerable (it always has been, DID folk are very vulnerable) and a triggery
situation brings out the protecting insiders. They only have one job and
that is to protect Goblin from threats without. Goblin pulls them back
though, otherwise who knows where anything might end up. Goblin is the
protector from threats within; hence this purpose. You kind gentle
beepoiding beepers might ponder the genisis of these protectors. They were
built piece by piece, with every insult, every punch, kick, lie, false
accusation, every rejection, each false assesment of intelligence, each act
of racism, and each theft of my dignaty, sweat, and blood. Try not to be
too shocked by my switching, many of you out there helped to create it. So
don't wimper.
Goblin
"TK" <remove....@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:5vS88.74$%m1....@news4.ulv.nextra.no...
Sue Bilstein
Getting angry and stroppy is one of my manic symptoms. I don't get
physically aggressive, but I can use my tongue as a weapon.
Ricky Ricardo
anround the rosie.
and that's not even close to a pun.
and you know, a pun spelled backwards is a nup.
And a nup is a nup, so I'm shuttin' up.
But, seriously...
The need for protection from inner and outer <argh> can be significantly
diminished upon arrival at the depot of recognition and subsequent
reunification.
Entire chunks of my memory are bent out of shape and proportion in the
process, but I much prefer having all Me together for once to havnig to keep
track of which if witch and who is whom or whoever.
I'm not saying I ever achieved full separation into compartmentailzed
selves, just remember the resounding Gong and reverberent enrgy waves the
moment I & i could shake hands and comeout fighting.
For right to be, simple and free.
Some days I miss the rousing round table discussions inside.
Most days its much more fun to run down to the carnaval where my job as
brass ring changer at the merry-go-round is.
Ricky Ricardo
Many today deserve the welts inflicted through words.
Like these dimbulbs that are always trying to run me over in the crosswalk.
Jerk wad today shouts out "I had the light."
I wanted to say, "Well, fellow humyn sir, I ahve it now."
But, what came out was, "It's a Farking crosswalk jerk-off." at the top of
my lungs.
Being a pedstrian, I never can tell if the next person that tries to run me
over is going to be somebody from work, so I really do try to real it in.
Not.
The more witnesses, the better.
(((Sue)))
Goblin
character? This is a side of you I don't believe anyboby should have to
see. Maybe I don't want to be a singleton? For me it is enough to have
harmony within my mind. And I'm getting there. Regard the humour injected
into your speech.
"Ricky Ricardo" <Love@Peace&Happiness.Org> wrote in message
news:Fj798.19$qI1....@paloalto-snr1.gtei.net...
> I wanna be at the coming out party when they all joins hands and play ring
> anround the rosie.
>
> and that's not even close to a pun.
>
> and you know, a pun spelled backwards is a nup.
>
> And a nup is a nup, so I'm shuttin' up.
>
>
> But, seriously...
>
> The need for protection from inner and outer <argh> can be significantly
> diminished upon arrival at the depot of recognition and subsequent
> reunification.
>
Q: Why are multiples more responsible than singletons?
A: Multiples are always carrying protection.
>
> Entire chunks of my memory are bent out of shape and proportion in the
> process, but I much prefer having all Me together for once to havnig to
keep
> track of which if witch and who is whom or whoever.
>
How many multiples does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb. And several insiders to watch approvingly, and one
to be in charge of switching.
> I'm not saying I ever achieved full separation into compartmentailzed
> selves, just remember the resounding Gong and reverberent enrgy waves the
> moment I & i could shake hands and comeout fighting.
>
> For right to be, simple and free.
>
Multiple 1: Singletons are "simple and free".
Multiple 1: Poor sods.
>
> Some days I miss the rousing round table discussions inside.
>
Insider 1: You don't talk to me anymore.
Insider 2:
Insider 1: Hmmmmph.
> Most days its much more fun to run down to the carnaval where my job as
> brass ring changer at the merry-go-round is.
>
Multiple1.Insider1: Cold today.
Multiple2.Insider1: Yep.
Multiple1.Insider2: Brass monkey weather.
Multiple2.Insider1: 'Tis that. One of them balls fell right on my foot.
Multiple1.Insider1: Are you sure it wasn't a brass ring?
Multiple2.Insider2: Oh that's right. Happens often so I am told.
>
Goblin
What if someone said Bipolar Disorder is something you can will away?
The conflagration that would ensue here would make the burning of Atlanta
seem like a hallowe'en bonfire by comparison. But while it's true that DID
can be "cured"; it requires years of expert therapy and the final state is
not always stable. But is it not just as insulting to suggest that this
disorder can be immediately overcome by an act of will?
And people say I don't give support. What a funny newsgroup this is.
Goblin
"Ricky Ricardo" <Love@Peace&Happiness.Org> wrote in message
news:Fj798.19$qI1....@paloalto-snr1.gtei.net...
Ricky Ricardo
The harmony you speak of is what I was getting at.
Ricky Ricardo
And I would most certainly be the last person in line at the BP eradication
clinic.
And, yes, the adjustment turmoil is quite conflagatory in nature, by design.
I, for one, made only the adjustments necessary to allow for manic peaks
that are not dangerous to myself or others.
My depressions are merely that, aspects of the emotional and mental
landscapes of my little world.
TK
"Xar" wrote
> Violence-agression....
> I am violence and agression... I am feared by men and others who make
> me angry... I am BP and ADHD (what a joy) and highly functioning.
> however my co-werkers fear me for what i might do....
> I am hostile and grouchy and physically very large and agile...
> I HATE IT... If I was 5ft tall and 100lbs no one would take me
> seriously.
> Point is I have been jailed several times for assaulting police
> officers (and huring them I might add).
> For me anger is a way to deal with hurt in my BP ness...
> I yell and scream but .... I am rage, I rage....
>
> In my manic states I used to go look for fights and enjoy the feeling
> of my fist being plunged with great force into anothers face, it was
> soft abd warm, it was soft feeling like warm bread fresh from an oven.
> I am mellower these days but I do wonder if I will yet again be
> mean.... RAGE? RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGEEEE!
> -I do not mean to sound scary but that is how I feel.... Am I sick??
> Yes, I am a big mean brute and dont even mean to be that way...
> I suck, I will have to leave my family because I am verbally cursing
> sand swearing alot (no violence with the family or anything).
> I do not feel the kids should be subjected to my rants!
> -I wish there was ill that made the bad me go away and I could be
> nice!
>
> -XAR
{{{{{{{Xar}}}}}}}
Thanks for replying, mate. I'm sorry you have to leave your family...
And I'm sorry your agression is giving you pain as well as being a way of
dealing with your BP. I wihs you all the best. Hope you don't mind a hug
{{{{{{Xar}}}}}}
Take care.
Hugs,
TK
TK
"HOppER" wrote
> Xar wrote
> have never hit my wife or kids, but one day I walked in a bad mood and
> looked at my kids and they cringed. I swore to find a way to stop this
> or leave. I found my cure in pot. I stayed mellow while smoking and I
> smoked pot for years. I took it like a med, using small doses several
> times a day. I devised a system where I could take a toke in front of
> people, making it look like I was lighting a cigarette, which I was
> doing too.
>
> Since I started medication, I have stopped using pot. I told the whole
> story to my pdoc right from the start and he helped me replace pot
> with legal drugs that helped my rage attacks. I'm glad because post is
> hard on the lungs and I was having allergic reactions from smoking it.
> I also need to give myself time to adjust to the docs meds without the
> interference from pot.
>
> My doc asked me if it did any good, and I told him it was very
> effective. He didn't like that answer. Docs are really brainwashed
> into the idea of how worthless THC is an effective medication for any
> ill.
>
> I don't have the problem with being a huge guy, but it doesn't matter.
> The first time someone sees the depth of rage I was feeling, no one
> was willing to even come close. The few times I have been attacked, I
> immediately went into the rage. I actually saw red. The two times
> this has happened, someone attacks me, I have gone into this rage and
> later have little memory of what happened. Both times I "woke up" on
> top of the guy hitting him. I have never gotten into trouble from
> this. It sounds like you might have it worse than I, but there is meds
> that will help you with these feelings. Just starting a mood
> stabilizer brought my rages into control.
>
> Have you talking with a doc about this? If you want to discuss this
> privately, I will be willing to listen. Don't feel like a freak. This
> is a fairly common, I just don't think it is talked about very much.
>
> Hopper
{{{{{{{Hopper}}}}}}}
I'm glad you've found ways of dealing with the agression/rage and that you
were able to do something about it when you realised your children were
suffering from it.
I think it's fairly common too in different degrees and I think all the
people who have replied to my post has been impressively open and honest.
Take care, Paul.
Many hugs,
TK
TK
> I have the anger and I have the acting out. I cuss and scream and get
> very "focused" and wide eyes and scare the crap out of people. My
> "cure" was to discipline my anger. I hold a black belt in JuJitsu and
> have never once stuck a person in anger; although there are many
> people in this world who are scared shitless that I am going to go
> postal any second. Funny thing is, my kids aren't the least bit afraid
> of me. Even when they have done something wrong and I really am angry
> with them, they know I would never hurt them, and no matter how red my
> face get or how wide my eyes get; my kids are not afraid of me.
> I have lost many a job because I lose my temper, my face gets
> red, my eyes "bug", I shout and scream, and I cuss a blue streak but I
> have always managed to contain myself just prior to actual violence
> taking place (alright, I've broken a few wooden objects by not knowing
> my own strength). The last job I had, I was escorted from the building
> and was threatened that they would call the police but they didn't.
> I'm really not that big. I'm about 5'11" and about 275 pounds. :-)
> Nothing to be afraid of. I'm just a teady bear. Hugs, Ralph
>
> The divorce complaints said that the old lady was afraid I was going
> to hurt her. Like I told my lawyer, if anybody was going to have
> gotten hurt, it would have happened by now, so it ain't gonna happen.
{{{{{{{Ralph}}}}}}}
Thanks for replying, mate.
I'm glad my post got some interest and I'm impressed at the honesty and
openness all you repliers have shown.
I'm glad you have so enough control over your rage not to have hurt anyone.
Many hugs,
TK
TK
Thank you for replying, Ricks.
{{{{{{{Richard}}}}}}}
I have too (see your reply).
Many hugs,
TK
"Ricky Ricardo" wrote
> Having been on both sides of the equation in your question, yes.
>
> "TK" wrote
TK
"Sue Bilstein" wrote
> "TK" wrote
{{{Sue}}}
Thanks for replying
Many hugs,
TK
TK
Thanks for replying, Peter.
This is all very interesting... and very scary (the issue of the thread I
mean)
I'm glad your insiders' agression doesn't lead to physically violence. Don't
punch any teachers, okay? The're just human too (it's true! ;) ), and I
know a heap of brilliant ones.
Take care, mate
"Goblin" wrote
> "TK" wrote
TK
{{{{{Goblin}}}}}
{{{{{Peter}}}}}}
I think since the system is so vulnerable your insider protectors must
probably be tuned up real high for protection. Maybe that sometimes results
in them misinterpreting caring for something that you need to be protected
from. In whatever form it took I think what Richard was mainly saying was
that he cares about you.
As do I. :)
A lot! :))
{{{{{Peter et al}}}}{{{{{Peter et al}}}}
{{{{{Peter et al}}}}{{{{{Peter et al}}}}
Warmest hugs,
TK
"Goblin" wrote> Dear oh dear. Am I to understand that I am a person of
little
> character? This is a side of you I don't believe anyboby should have to
> see. Maybe I don't want to be a singleton? For me it is enough to have
> harmony within my mind. And I'm getting there. Regard the humour
injected
> into your speech.
>
> "Ricky Ricardo" wrote
Goblin
I think you are right. My difficulty is that I no longer regard this is
a safe place; instead I believe it is hostile. If it was not for certain
people (you know who you are) I would not post here at all.
Thanks,
Goblin
"TK" <remove....@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:gRz98.3676$HL2....@news2.ulv.nextra.no...
Xar
dont notice it I guess. I have calmed down a bit in my later years but
in my 20's I was volitile and unstable as hell, looking for any excuse
to go off.
Wheather this is BP mania or not I cannot be sure. There was alcohol
and drugs involved often...
I have love and fierce loyalty to my friends and family but outside
that people feared me... I regret that... I am saddened by the fact
that I have hurt people emotionally and somtimes physically...
Often I chose to hurt muself instead of others to deal with my mania
and depressions...
TK
Thanks for still being here.
It means a lot to me.
Many warm hugs,
TK
"Goblin" wrote
> Hi TK,
> I think you are right. My difficulty is that I no longer regard this
is
> a safe place; instead I believe it is hostile. If it was not for certain
> people (you know who you are) I would not post here at all.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Goblin
>
> "TK" wrote
TK
"Xar" wrote
Thanks again for your response, Xar. It is very usefull to be presented with
other peoples opinions and experiences and I'm grateful you've given me of
your time.
I'm glad you're here!
{{{{{{{Xar}}}}}}}
Many warm hugs,
TK
got no stinking address V
"Ricky Ricardo" <Love@Peace&Happiness.Org> wrote in message news:Fj798.19$qI1....@paloalto-snr1.gtei.net...
Entire chunks of my memory are bent out of shape and proportion in the