FAQ 2: Welcome to the Hotel California
HeatherOK
(RIP) 3-2003)
Welcome to the BPBC the Bi-Polar Broadcasting Corporation. ';-)
Knowledge is one of the strongest weapons that you will find to help
you fight this illness. Sometimes, when it is the darkest inside,
knowledge will be your only weapon. Please use it to your advantage.
>
Following this brief note, is a narrative called "Welcome to the Hotel
California". Please print it out to hard copy, and keep "The 5 Stages
of Bipolar Grief" at the bottom of this message, as it is long. This
was prepared as a signpost for you, to make sure that you are not lost
or walking in the wrong direction as you begin your search. If you
feel it to be useful, share it with a friend. Do yourself a favor and
read it all the way through. Please thoroughly explore the hyper
links embedded in the text. They will provide the resources to answer
some of your immediate and pressing questions.
>
Consider this to be a small piece of the puzzle that you will sooner
or later find yourself putting together as you strive to find your way
back home. . Educate yourself and those you love as best you can.
Stay strong and do not ever give up the fight.
>
I wish you peace and a little shelter from the storm.
>
> - darkman=AE -
>
The sun rose and the world turned the page. While the sleepers were
lost in their own sea of darkness; others sought to find the truth and
were armed with the awesome weapon of self-attained knowledge. They
were self-empowered; again in control of their destiny.
>
Welcome to the Hotel California. If you ignore the personal bickering
that goes on here from time to time; and arrive early for the common
meals served in the dining room, you will find, that although the menu
is exotic and seasonally varied, certain entree's may or may not agree
with your constitution.
>
Please be advised, that you, as our guest, are here at your own risk.
>
>
Be careful what truths you eat, read, and drink; as the descriptions
on the desert page are sometimes misleading. The hotel management
although non-existent assumes no liability for anything consumed thatmay
cause flatulence or other gastronomic distress. At the sound of
the tone, please feel free to send a copy of this to the next newbie
who wanders through the door. This is a recording. Beep.
>
Oh, and just in case nobody told you about Manic Depression...
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There are two things that you might want to remember.
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"WE ARE NOT THIS DISEASE! We are people who suffer from it and Fight
to Live with it!"
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"IF LEFT UNTREATED, IT WILL IN THE END, STEAL YOUR LIFE!"
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Manic-depressive illness, or bipolar disorder, is a chronic,
neurological condition that causes changes in an individual's brain
chemistry resulting in extreme mood swings thus the description
"Bipolar"
>
Historically, many of the world's greatest actors, statesmen, and
artists have shown signs of having this disorder. It is not uncommon
for those with this disorder to be highly intelligent and often very
creative Therefore, it is understandable that manic depression is
sometimes referred to as the missing link between genius and lunacy.
>
Medication is required to regulate our (changes in attitude) emotional
swings. Individuals with this disorder often attempt to self medicate
themselves, by using traditional means of altering their reality and
regulating their emotions. Over indulgence in alcohol, sex, comfort
purchases, and eating are among those at the head of the alternative
self-medication list.
Unfortunately, these attempts to self medicate and the consequences of
this behavior often result in additional ambient feelings of guilt,
lowered self-esteem, and repressed anger. Suicidal ideation is not
uncommon, when we are faced with the realities of the ashes strewn in
our wake of our actions, after burning through the rarefied air of
mania.
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To quote another well read contributor here,
>
The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a heaven a hell or a
hell into heaven.
Paradise Lost, John Milton, 1967
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In short, we do not know what causes it. Drug treatments are
necessary but not always sufficient to address it. There is no way yetto fix
it. We make no claims to our abilities to provide
expertise in how an individual should be medicated. Please seek
professional medical guidance in that area. It is advisable for both
the individual with the disorder and any significant others to pursue
professional counseling to ensure adequate and supportive emotional
networks are in place.
>
We are an Internet community that strives, primarily through
experiential sharing and social support, to listen to and help one
another to withstand the rigors of real life experienced through an
altered reality.
>
At times our delicate balance of good mental health requires more than
just a "chemical fix". Health is maintained not only by medication and
therapy but also a by interaction within a community of mutual support.
The ASDM and SSDM news groups were established to help provide that
third area of healing, understanding. Those with the disorder, or those
who live with someone suffering from manic depression, will find that
this is a support community where you can
share you personal triumphs and your tragedies in the altered reality
of living life with depression and manic depression. We do not know
exactly how you feel. Only you can feel you...But we do have a clue.
>
For better or worse folks, you got us.
>
So, come on in, read what we write to each other. We certainly are fun
to watch; creative, intelligent, caring, slightly off center, and
unquestionably open to newcomers. Write back to us. Agree. Disagree.
Suggest, and do not hesitate to ask questions. Pump up your Nikes and
Participate! This is an open Public forum.
>
Listed below are what I consider to be reasonable precautionary
statements and pointers regarding the information that you are likely to
come upon in your search for the truth about getting better. In
addition, there are starting Internet links to help you on your search
for information.
>
Please consider the posts that you will read in these news groups as
PERSONAL, NOT PROFESSIONAL opinions. The advice that you may or may not
receive is normally sent in good faith by people struggling to
cope with the rigors of bipolar disorder (manic depression). They are
from all walks of life and in many different stages of health. An
illness that provides such possibilities for emotional imbalance makes
up a colorful if sometimes disjointed crew. This is not to say that
there is not a high degree of intelligence wandering around here -sometimes
combined with significant egos, other times not. It is to say
that what you will find here are personal opinions
>
The news groups are a forum for exchange of information, opinions, and
emotions between people suffering from an illness common enough to bring
us together but uncommon enough to time and again show our uniqueness.
The personal writings are typically supplied by well-meaning individuals
without any specific medical training, and the information is often
uncorroborated and unverifiable. Some posts include references to Web
sites, and these in turn must be evaluated with a skeptical eye as to
their credibility. The Internet is a
wonderful medium for self-education and networking, but it is not a
place where you can ever receive personalized medical advice. For that,
you must consult your own psychiatrist.
>
You may view thousands of individual postings, from those contributing
to alt.support.depression.manic and soc.support.depression.manic,
covering their life experiences, questions, answers and, OPINIONS of
patients and, significant others of same and mental health topics from
A to Z, please click here.
>
1. http://groups.google.com
Google.com is a supplier of many Internet services and an excellent
archive of USENET text postings. Fill in the appropriate blanks to
search the USENET archives. If you leave the group name box empty, you
will perhaps find mentioning of subjects that you are interested in
researching in many other USENET discussion groups. Follow the thread.
>
If you are interested to conduct in-depth independent research, beyond
the experiences and opinions of the posters within USENET, you will
perhaps find factual information that you can verify by professional and
independent means. All data should be viewed as suspect until you
qualify it to be factual.
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Sound like a lot of work? It is.
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If you want the best chance to improve your circumstance, do the work.
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After all, we are talking about your life here. Aren't we?
>
A reasonable beginning point on the Internet to find general
information on manic depression can be found here:
http://www.dbsalliance.org/>
If you are looking for Med Specific, search engines, you may try here:
http://www.fastsearch.com/med/index.html there is a ton from which to
choose.
--
Medical Dictionary
http://medical-dictionary-search-engines.com/
The site below allows you to search 12 data bases, but the preamble is kind
of
long.
http://www.srv.net/~msdata/US_medsearch.html
This is a GREAT site for people in Europe, or in the USA. It is simple and
it
gets results quickly without having to go through a bunch of screens first.
It
is based in the UK:
http://www.search.com/?ref=searchiq
This is a good search site, and very flexible and easy to use. It is also an
international site:
http://www.hon.ch/MedHunt/
I hate the name of this site, but I got good results in searching it.
http://www.9-11.com/
--submitted by acoftil
As far as search engines go Pie Crust likes:
http://www.alltheweb.com/
I played with it a little and got good hits, remember folks to use bolean
terms,
if,not,etc, and don't forget using ""
In other words "Paxil Sidefects" brings up different hits than paxil side
effects.
This site is much more than a dictionary. It allows you to search up to 9
search engines at the same time. I really like it--although it is not simple
to
use.
If you are in need of non-med specific search engines go here:
http://www.search.com there are eleven different engines at your
disposal. Look down to the bottom of the page and "Choose your Weapon".
>
Please learn to consider content as well as credentials when accessing
and assessing the information that you will find.Trust your gut. You usually
get more truth to work with that way.
>
Remember this famous quote "Take my advice, I'm not using it!"
>
Question everything! Good intentions are only that. Moreover, take the
answers for what they are worth...about 2 cents...maybe more. You need
to find out for yourselves!
>
The most thoughtful phrase that I have read since my arrival came as an
original quote; a part of a new girl's Jaclyn69er sig. It read,
"Throughout Life There Will Always Be Someone Watching Over You and
Protecting You, That Person Will Forever Be Me"
>
The fire of the illness has forged the spirit of these two groups.
It's essence was created by a few of those inspired, searching for the
truth about this illness. Their thirst for knowledge and their
willingness to share their wisdom, insights and experiences have and
continue to quench the thirsts of all who drink from this sanctuary
well. Our most sincere thanks go to the originators and many
significant contributors who have selflessly walked ahead and learned.
They include PsyberNut, Bipolar Bear Scott, Roy McKinney 46BPS, Brian,
Ian A. Schneider, Runner1 and James D. Milton for their pursuit of the
truth. Some have moved on, others might still be around. With a
readership worldwide, you just never know who might be lurking in the
shadows, still watching over us from the silence of the bit stream!
>
Contributions to this ongoing narrative were graciously supplied by
Stillb4God and Atlanta Songbird and unknowingly supplied by Ambrosia54.
Other noteworthy remarks, by gifted authors within the confines of these
news groups, were surgically lifted from their posts without their
knowledge or permission. Good artists borrow, great ones steal...even
sigs. ;-)~
>
Your own ideas and additions are encouraged to be sent for inclusion
into the next revision. Otherwise, we may just lift those little pearls
of wisdom from your posts. <g>
>
Epilog: 11-22-98 A especially insightful thought was posted by a young
lady, Ambrosia54. No one should be this young and have to know so much.
At 17, Ambrosia54 wrote "There is no pill you can take that will make
you normal, no shot that will make your feelings go away. Sorry, but
that's the harsh truth. You have to find a shred of will somewhere
inside of you to fight this. The solution will come from within. You
have to work for it, and work hard, because this monster isn't going to
give an inch. You have the potential to have a wonderful life,everyone does,
and getting on the right meds will let you see that, but
that is all they will do. You have to make the changes yourself.
You have to want it bad enough to overcome the depression. It can be
done; I promise, but you will have to continually fight to be "normal".
It is hard, and it sucks that we have to fight in the first place; but
you cannot do anything about that now. So, fight! Make every day a
battle for control and every smile a victory. The simplest things for
anyone else are the hardest for us and, the most important. Good luck!"
The Five Stages of Bipolar Grief, or "When Dragons Wear Black" and much
more can be read and seen at "FyreNyice" The Australian Bipolar Web
Site. This is among the best, personal web sites that I have ever seen.
It contains a wealth of insight on life and living with bipolar
disorder. It holds many of the answers to commonly asked questions and
will guide you through the many International links related to Bipolar
Disorder. If you try it, you will like it. It can be found and
hopefully scoured at:
>
http://members.iinet.net.au/~fractal1/fsrvive1.htm
Interested to see who was around when this news group was in short
pants? Read the Original FAQ for Bipolar groups:
>
http://cspo.queensu.ca/~anglesio/faq/Bipolar_FAQ_1.0
"When Dragons Wear Black" was kindly sent to me by Roy McKinney, a five
year contributor to these news groups and a survivor of the test...
>
The original is here:
http://users.wantree.com.au:8080/~fractal/fsrvive1.htm
http://members.iinet.net.au/~fractal1/fsrvive1.htm
It has been updated with new html additions that highlight, among other
things "Settling In with a Good Doctor" I believe that many of you would
find it very informative. I certainly did.
>
Surviving As A Bipolar Person
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The 5 Stages of Bipolar Grief
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(Or.... When Dragons Wear Black)
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1. Denial:
2. Anger:
3. Guilt:
4. Resignation:
5. Reconciliation:>
Denial
>
Many of us when first diagnosed are downright relieved to finally have a
name for what ails us. But our relief soon turns to denial once the full
implications of the illness become evident. What this means is that as
we come to understand how much of our core personality is driven by this
illness, and once we settle into the routine of drug-taking and doctor's
visits, the realization that life will never be the same as it was
before begins to haunt and torment us into denying some or all, of
reality. This is a dangerous but necessary time for us all to pass
through. Accept it for what it is, an essential stage of coming to terms
with being bipolar. Just be aware that this and the next stage are the
times when you will be most inclined to do something you may regret
later on. Don't drink heavily, don't quit taking your medications,
don't quit seeing your psychiatrist and/or therapist, and if possible
keep some sort of safety net in place in terms of support. If you crash
hard let there be someone there who cares and can help you hold on till
stability returns.
>
Anger
Hot on the heels of denial comes anger. You will be furious with life,
yourself, the past, missed chances, screw-ups, your friends, your
significant others and your physician. No one will escape totally
unscathed from the sphere of the bipolar person who has yet to come to
terms with his/her circumstances. BE ANGRY! You have a reason and a
right to be. Anger in itself isn't a bad thing so long as you use it
to empower yourself rather than to disempower or to harm others or
yourself. The crucial point is that you understand and acknowledge your
anger. Own it, accept it, and make it yours to the extent necessary to
get through it. Is this permission to wallow in it indefinitely? No
way! But you cannot move onward unless you've dealt with this critical
aspect of learning to survive with a brain chemistry that will betray
you at the first opportunity. Be angry; it's ok, and you need no one
else's permission to be so.
>
Advice For Friends & Family of a Manic-Depressive: Loving Tough
>
It's not YOUR problem; it's not your fault. Be firm in refusing to
take any abuse from your bipolar loved one, but be there as a safety net
if things go badly off-center. Your presence is needed as a sounding
board, as someone who can confirm or deny which behaviors seem
disorder-related and which are life adjustment problems. Most of all,
your presence lets the ill person know that being angry at this beast of
a [dis]ease is ok, but being abusive toward others is not.
Don't give in to the poor-me whine. Hard truths and painful honesty
toward the bipolar person are better than commiseration at this time.
This doesn't mean one should be cruel. Now is not the time to rehash old
pains and sorrows, nor to place blame--there is none. But do think
before you automatically, and unthinkingly, agree to everything a
newly diagnosed, and really angry, bipolar says. While you think you
may be helping, you will in fact cause harm. Realize you may be a
testing ground for someone who is desperately trying to get a toehold on
how to exist as this new, medicated person. For that reason, it is
particularly important that you be honest in a positive way. Give the
person breathing room. Yes you need to keep aware of impending
depression, but acknowledge the grief involved in this battle to come to
terms with bipolar disorder. No matter how much you think you know
about what your loved one is going through, don't even think to suggest
that you do, because you don't, you can't, and no good will come from
you saying otherwise. Understand their immense pain and give them
plenty of room to grieve for everything that once was, and
now no longer is.
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Guilt:
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Of all the many things you will feel as you try to adjust to being
officially bipolar, guilt is perhaps the most burdensome and difficult
to get a grip on. There's guilt over your past obnoxious behaviors and
overt sexual indiscretions, the way you've treated family and friends,
the lack of attention or care you've given your children, the inability
to maintain jobs or relationships and the nagging self-doubt about your
own sense of worth. But despite all the foregoing, remember this, in
fact, make it your personal motto:
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GUILT IS A WASTED EMOTION.
>
It comes from an exaggerated sense of responsibility aimed at the wrong
kinds of things and for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it comes from
all those do's and don'ts you've had drilled into you by mom, dad,
school and the church. Forget them, unless they were principles you
personally chose after very careful thought, they don't matter now and
they never did. What matters now is the future you choose to follow.
From this point on, the choice and the responsibility are all yours.
That's a little intimidating, but it's also a very freeing kind of
thought as well. Try it on for size; you might come to appreciate it.
If nothing else, it unties that old guilt-knot in one's stomach.
>
Resignation:
Probably the most difficult and depressing aspect of this disorder is
encountered after having passed through the tussle with denial and guilt
--it's the point when mere resignation settles on your shoulder like
Poe's black raven quoting its dirge of "Nevermore." Nevermore the
euphoric highs of hypomania. Nevermore the super bursts of creative
energy. Nevermore the ability to do the work of ten others, stay up at
the local bistro all night, and still write or paint until time for work
the next morn. Nevermore the quick punning and life-of-the-party
charisma. Nevermore.... Yes, for this we must (and do) mourn, for the
drugs that stabilize us will exact a price in return and this is part of
it. So do mourn for the parts of your personality that may become muted
or disappear entirely; it's ok to lay black roses at the feet of the
drugs you must take. But then you must move on by accepting that:
1) You will experience a sense of resignation regarding your situation
2) You will mourn and suffer severe depression at feeling forced into
that resignation,
3) You will occasionally (or often even) entertain the notion of
dumping your drugs down the toilet (and you may, but please think it
through first), and finally,
4) You will expect life to get immediately better and you will be
disappointed at the fact that it doesn't. I can only urge you with
all my heart to ride this tough time out. This coming to grips with a
new you takes a very long time. Some things will improve very quickly,
but others won't, and new things will pop up to grieve you. We bipolars
are not usually patient sorts, but for your life and well being, please
try to be patient with this process of adaptation.
>
Reconciliation
>
Ok, you've been very brave and you've made it through the 4 previous
stages; now you can breathe a bit easier for the worst is definitely
over. Hopefully, as you've reconciled your past with the rather scary
present, you've learned a bit about yourself and discovered a well of
strength within that will carry you through the ups and downs that most
certainly will come your way in the future. During this last phase you
will continue the process of adjusting your medications, settling in
with a good doctor, and developing a strong support network. If you are
not doing these things then please follow the links just mentioned and
see why you should. In fact, follow them
even if you are because chances are you will still learn something
useful.
>
This is also the period during which you will spend a great deal of time
thinking about where you end and the drugs begin. Mixed in with
theseconsiderations will be an ongoing quest to find the real you underneath
and/or cohabiting with the bipolar you. Sound peculiar? It should, but
ask any bipolar of some standing and you will find that all have spent a
good bit of time trying to figure out which of their cherished
personality traits is due to their being bipolar and which is due to
some unique, core "self". I've always considered myself a bit of a
loner and just plain damned different from others. Now I wonder whether
it wasn't my bipolar self-protecting me from a world that was always
just a bit too much. All of this questioning is an essential part of a
process called acceptance. When you have accepted that there is no
magic cure for what you have, and that you will have it forever, you can
move on to making your life as fulfilling and stable as it can be. Not
until you reach a point where you are both reconciled to your illness
and accepting of the treatment it mandates can you really begin to grow
and live...Pssst...a full life. The road is fraught with peril, but the
destination is certainly worth the risk.
- darkman=AE -
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