NEWS: "Stillborns re-touched by an angel"
Gutterboy
Others are of babies that have been dead in the womb for so long that their
facial features have dissolved, requiring her to redraw them."
And dig the moo that keeps her dead sprog photo in her cubicle at work.
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,53624,00.html
Stillborns Re-Touched by an Angel
By Julia Scheeres
2:00 a.m. July 8, 2002 PDT
When Marty Mueller's baby was stillborn a few weeks before she was due to give
birth, she and her husband spent several hours at the hospital, holding their
son, grieving, and snapping photographs before sending him to the mortuary.
As the day wore on, Troy's skin became discolored, and the signs of decay were
clearly visible in the developed pictures. So Marty, a professional
photographer, did what came naturally to her: she re-touched the snapshots to
make them look better, digitally creating the rosy-cheeked, healthy baby she
never had.
She shared Troy's pictures at a bereavement group in Santa Cruz, California,
and was soon besieged by requests from anguished parents asking her to retouch
their stillborn photographs as well. Today, she has turned the requests into a
sideline business, for which she suggests a donation of $30 to $50 per picture.
"It’s difficult for parents to share these pictures with people because many
times the pictures are too gruesome and they don't want to shock anyone,"
Mueller said. "It's much easier to share pictures if it looks like normal
baby."
Many of her clients, who hail from around the world, carry the photographs in
their wallets or display them, portrait-style, in their homes.
While grieving parents have long shared pictures of their stillborn babies in
support groups, and have recently created virtual memorials to their lost
children on the Internet, doctoring the images and publicly exhibiting them is
a relatively new phenomenon.
Parents who request the service say the touched-up photos help them deal with
their devastating loss, but some experts fear that they may be avoiding
reality.
"I keep a framed pictures of my daughter in my living room so everyone can see
how beautiful she was," said Jennifer Johnstone, one of Mueller's clients who
lost her baby at 35 weeks. (Babies are normally born 40 weeks from the mother's
last menstrual period). "We have a 3-year-old son, who can look at this picture
and say, "Hey, that's my baby sister, Madison. She's in heaven."
Jenese Parra only had one photo of her son Nathan -- snapped by nursing staff
after her full-term son was born lifeless at 39 weeks -- and it was a lousy
one. His skin was bruised and peeling badly.
"Even though I could look past that and see my son for what he really looked
like, I knew others wouldn't look past it and wanted his photos retouched so
(they) could see Nathan as I did," said Parra, who carries Mueller's picture of
her son in her billfold and displays them in her house and in her work cubicle.
"He looks just like a sleeping baby and it makes people more comfortable
talking about it with me, which in turn makes me feel better because I can talk
about it."
Historically, world cultures have treated stillborns as less-than-human
tragedies that should be quickly disposed of and forgotten. In medieval Europe,
for example, children who did not live long enough to be christened were not
buried in hallowed ground, said Francesca Bray, an anthropology professor at
the University of California at Santa Barbara.
But modern technologies such as ultrasounds have given expectant parents a
deeper connection to their unborn child than ever before, revealing the fetus's
sex, health and development mere weeks from conception.
"It seems to me the wish to make a true and memorable person of a stillborn
connects to a completely new sense of connection that people now have to the
fetus from very early in its existence," Bray said.
But one psychologist said that doctored photographs are a "step away from
reality."
"It's unnatural," said Matt Zimmerman, a psychologist who specializes in loss.
"It goes against the grain of what actually happened. How can you come to
accept a loss if you're working towards pretending it didn't occur? This goes
against my clinical experience and substantial research on grief."
But the photographers doctoring the images disagree.
"If you have a child that was lost at age 2 or 5 or 20 and you hung their
picture on the living room wall, no one would say anything. What makes a
stillborn less of a child?" asked Deanna Roy, an Austin photographer who has
retouched over 100 pictures of stillborns. She does not charge her clients, who
come to her by word-of-mouth.
Roy, who miscarried a baby at 5 months, still regrets having the baby
surgically removed instead of delivering it and holding it in her arms. She
says that giving other parents a memento of what they lost has helped alleviate
her loss.
Her work is grueling -- she spends two to four hours on each picture -– but
she has yet to turn down a photograph, no matter how grisly. Some of the
photographs she gets are of 20-week fetuses with transparent skin. Others are
of babies that have been dead in the womb for so long that their facial
features have dissolved, requiring her to redraw them.
"The fact that they're so gruesome is what motivates me to fix them," said Roy,
who is so overwhelmed by requests that she asked that her website not be linked
in this article.
When she e-mails the photos to her clients, she advises them to open the
attachment in a quiet place, because they are frequently shaken by renewed
anguish at seeing a reflection of what their baby would have looked like, had
it lived.
For Hector Davila, who runs a photo restoration service at the corner of
Hollywood and Vine in Los Angeles, most of his work focuses on prolonging the
youth and beauty of Hollywood actors or restoring cracked snapshots from bygone
eras.
The number of clients requesting photo touch-ups of stillborn babies has
steadily grown in the past few years, he says.
"Stillborn babies are the hardest pictures I've worked on," said Davila, who
set up a separate website for this niche market. "Try staring at one of those
pictures for a couple of hours. It's almost like working in a funeral home. But
it's the least I can do for the mothers of the world."
Gutterboy
---
"I'm so 'over' trying to keep DS quiet. So we'll be out at a restaurant or on a
plane or in a store or at the mall and DH is turning cartwheels trying to quite
the babe and I just sit there. I don't care." -- HipMoo
Jason G
>
>So *that's* what makes you a real woman these days? Pushing a dead parasite out
>your twat?
>
Ah, the sweet, gentle, ladylike lilt of another Lorz post.
--
Jason G
Meet the people your mother always warned you about.
Attend the Third Annual Childfree Beach Party!
August 10th, 2002, Oceanside, California. E-mail for details.
mrfea...@aol.ccom
>
>In article <3D29D67D...@pacifier.com>, Lorz says...
>>
>>So *that's* what makes you a real woman these days? Pushing a dead parasite out
>>your twat?
>>
>
>Ah, the sweet, gentle, ladylike lilt of another Lorz post.
You make me feel like a NATCHERAL woman!
Mary
Noelle
news:20020708111725...@mb-dh.aol.com...
> "I keep a framed pictures of my daughter in my living room so everyone can
see
> how beautiful she was," said Jennifer Johnstone, one of Mueller's clients
who
> lost her baby at 35 weeks. (Babies are normally born 40 weeks from the
mother's
> last menstrual period). "We have a 3-year-old son, who can look at this
picture
> and say, "Hey, that's my baby sister, Madison. She's in heaven."
I'm sure he won't grow up and say, "My parents kept a picture of a DEAD BABY
in their living room! How creepy is THAT?!?!"
--
The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think
things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and
taboos.
--H.L. Mencken
TJ Warden
really poorly done!!
greyling
> photographs she gets are of 20-week fetuses with transparent skin. Others
are
> of babies that have been dead in the womb for so long that their facial
> features have dissolved, requiring her to redraw them.
>frequently shaken by renewed
> anguish at seeing a reflection of what their baby would have looked like,
had
> it lived.
The facial features have dissolved? But they know what it
would have looked like?
Are the anti-choice sites using these pictures yet?
Salome
> And dig the moo that keeps her dead sprog photo in her cubicle at work.
>
> http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,53624,00.html
> "Even though I could look past that and see my son for what he really
looked
> like, I knew others wouldn't look past it and wanted his photos retouched
so
> (they) could see Nathan as I did," said Parra, who carries Mueller's
picture of
> her son in her billfold and displays them in her house and in her work
cubicle.
> "He looks just like a sleeping baby and it makes people more comfortable
> talking about it with me, which in turn makes me feel better because I can
talk
> about it."
YARRGHHH!!!
There's no way in hell you could mistake that for a sleeping baby. There's
no way a sane person could see these things as anything but what they are:
DEAD, ROTTING FETII. If I had to work with someone who kept a picture like
that in her cube, I would file a complaint. And if, by some misadventure, I
entered a house with such a picture on display, I would back away slowly and
then run like hell.
If I wanted pictures of corpses on my walls, I'd at least get *good* ones --
like, by Joel-Peter Witkin.
Sheeeesh!
Salome
--------------------------------------------------------
Duke: The lights are growing dim. I know a life of crime led me to this
sorry fate. And yet I I blame society. Society made me what I am.
Otto: That's bullshit. You're a white suburban punk, just like me.
-- REPO MAN
J.D. Spangler
gutte...@aol.commeilfaut says...
>
>
>"Some of the photographs she gets are of 20-week fetuses with transparent
skin.
>Others are of babies that have been dead in the womb for so long that their
>facial features have dissolved, requiring her to redraw them."
>
>And dig the moo that keeps her dead sprog photo in her cubicle at work.
>
>http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,53624,00.html
This is the sickest thing I have ever seen. I've got a pic of a best
friend/first love that was killed 7 years ago in my cubicle at work but at
least she was alive and smiling when it was taken, and it reminds me of the
good times we had. To keep a picture of the *dead body* around... these people
are disturbed.
And let's face it, to lose a child *if you wanted one* sucks. For this, I do
truly feel sorry for the parents. But for crying out loud, it's not like the
damn thing had a chance to form any bonds or memories with them! Better to be
sad for what might have been, then get on with life, rather than to keep that
kind of fucked-up horrorshow around!
Gah. I'm going to be sick now.
Regards,
J.D. Spangler
If I want email I'll ask for it.
http://home.earthlink.net/~ayrsayle/
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Jill
> "Some of the photographs she gets are of 20-week fetuses with transparent skin.
> Others are of babies that have been dead in the womb for so long that their
> facial features have dissolved, requiring her to redraw them."
>
> And dig the moo that keeps her dead sprog photo in her cubicle at work.
>
> http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,53624,00.html
>
> Stillborns Re-Touched by an Angel
> By Julia Scheeres
Snip
Why do people want pictures of stillborn kids? To me this means that
these people are unwilling or unable to move on with their lives.
Will they still look at the pictures and talk about what could have
been twenty years on? Scary...
Jill (Childfree in Scotland)
IleneB
Gutterboy helpfully pointed out:
> > And dig the moo that keeps her dead sprog photo in her cubicle at work.
"the story of what went wrong and poems and letters dedicated to the
infant whom she says was "perfect in every way except he had no heart
beat."
"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
Ilene B
bronxelf
>"the story of what went wrong and poems and letters dedicated to the
>infant whom she says was "perfect in every way except he had no heart
>beat."
>
>
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
>
>Ilene B
Wow am I glad I wasnt drinking anything before I read this one...
elf.
*Everything* in life is a choice--even life itself.
nokomis
> "Gutterboy" <gutte...@aol.commeilfaut> wrote in message
> news:20020708111725...@mb-dh.aol.com...
> > "We have a 3-year-old son, who can look at this
> picture
> > and say, "Hey, that's my baby sister, Madison. She's in heaven."
>
> I'm sure he won't grow up and say, "My parents kept a picture of a DEAD BABY
> in their living room! How creepy is THAT?!?!"
Ahhh, blessed denial. Excerpted from One Of Those Other Newsgroups:
"I am a mother of a 17yr old who was killed at the age of 15 just
trying to
get home from school."
Funny how they keep aging even after they get squished.
(link for Other Newsgroup Article, if you really care:
http://makeashorterlink.com/?Q5D132A31)
-valerie (the other one)
nok...@tdl.com
mroo philpott-smythe
> x-no-archive: yes
> Gutterboy wrote:
[megaschnippectomy]
> > Roy, who miscarried a baby at 5 months, still regrets having the baby
> > surgically removed instead of delivering it and holding it in her arms.
> So *that's* what makes you a real woman these days? Pushing a dead parasite out
> your twat?
YARK! Thank you ever so much for that image!
Au 'voir, dinner.
sq
Gutterboy
>>"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
That still cracks me up, but I think it needs some updating...
"Except for that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?"
"Except for that, Mrs. King, how did you like the motel?"
Others?
Patrick M Geahan
> "I am a mother of a 17yr old who was killed at the age of 15 just
> trying to
> get home from school."
> Funny how they keep aging even after they get squished.
> (link for Other Newsgroup Article, if you really care:
> http://makeashorterlink.com/?Q5D132A31)
I would be happy to help her desecrate her children closer to home..
If you follow valerie's link, then the link that is in that article, you
come to a petition for changing some traffic laws in Columbus, OH. I
quote her as saying:
"The city of Columbus eight years ago bussed our students across town
to desecrate the students"
I am going to take a wild stab and guess that she meant 'desegragate', but
I'm not sure. Maybe she's just angry that her child was desacrated far
away, where she couldn't see it.
--
-------Patrick M Geahan---...@chartermi.net---ICQ:3784715------
Quote of the Week: "The more I keep dealing with computers, the more it
resembles a bad redneck romance: constantly flipping between 'I love you
so much!' and 'Baby, why you gotta make me hit you?' Armaphine on k5
Jadite
> Wrote bronxelf:
>
> >>"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
>
> That still cracks me up, but I think it needs some updating...
>
> "Except for that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?"
>
> "Except for that, Mrs. King, how did you like the motel?"
"Except for that, Mrs. X, how did you like the Audubon?"
Jason G
>Wrote bronxelf:
>
>>>"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
>
>That still cracks me up, but I think it needs some updating...
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?"
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. King, how did you like the motel?"
>
Except for that, Eric and Dylan, how was school today?
IleneB
<nok...@tdl.com> quoted:
> "I am a mother of a 17yr old who was killed at the age of 15 just
> trying to
> get home from school."
I assume there's a lovely framed photo of the remains over the mantle?
"And all the CGI and all the king's men couldn't put Justin together
again."
Ilene B
IleneB
"Except for that, Mrs. McAuliffe, how did you like the flight?"
Ilene B
Scott Amspoker
>Wrote bronxelf:
>
>>>"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
>
>That still cracks me up, but I think it needs some updating...
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?"
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. King, how did you like the motel?"
>
>Others?
"Except for that, Mrs. Yates, how did you like being a wife and mother?"
sda_mail Scott | Yields over 30 blasts or
@comcast.net Amspoker | 80 gentle honks per charge!
^ my email |
Kent
:>>"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
: That still cracks me up, but I think it needs some updating...
: "Except for that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?"
: "Except for that, Mrs. King, how did you like the motel?"
"Except for that, Ms. Kwan, how did you like Salt Lake City?"
Kent
Jason G
mrfea...@aol.ccom
>
>"Except for that, Mr. Giuliani, how did you like being mayor?"
>
>Grim
Oh, dear. Is somebody saving these in a file for the archive? Y'all are
cracking me up.
Mary
Swan & Rat
Except for that, mr. Giuliani, how did you like New York?
Swan
EEEEEvil bird!
Gravity's Angel
Gravity's Angel
Gravity's Angel
Citizen Ted
wrote:
>Wrote bronxelf:
>
>>>"Except for that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?"
>
>That still cracks me up, but I think it needs some updating...
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. Kennedy, how did you like Dallas?"
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. King, how did you like the motel?"
>
>Others?
"Except for that, Ms. Tate, what did you think of their social
agenda?"
- TR
- rootin' for Red and Blue.
David Richfield
--
David Richfield
Remove second davidr to reply
Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is to play
Kent
"Except for that, Mrs. O'Leary, does she give good milk?"
Kent
Veronique
Oh man.
V.
--
Veronique Chez Sheep
Love will get you like a case of anthrax.
Valerie Stark
Kent <kmXXp...@pageszNET.invalid> wrote:
>
>"Except for that, Ms. Kwan, how did you like Salt Lake City?"
"It wasn't as good as Nagano, somehow, Dee."
Valerie
Jim
wrote:
>
>"Except for that, Mrs. O'Leary, does she give good milk?"
>
"Except for that, Mrs. O'Leary, how was the barbecue?"
Jim