Reddit: "I believe 80-90% of parents had no real desire to raise a person..."

[Lenona]

Not exactly a new idea, but I thought it was worth posting.

"I believe 80-90% of parents had no real desire to raise a person. Most of them wanted children for the social validation of parenthood."

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/11hyucv/i_believe_8090_of_parents_had_no_real_desire_to/

Posted by:
u/Bitter-Committee-132
2 hours ago

there was a post on here (link) that I saw that really got me thinking, about weather or not parents actually think about the day to day reality of raising kids, not the just cute Kodak moments. And I just had to piggy back on that point

I have been thinking about this for quite some time now. I deeply enjoy studying sociology, human relationships, psychology etc. I find it interesting. And one of the most interesting things I have learned so far is about the INCREDIBLY bizarre fixation (borderline fetish) humanity has with having kids and parenting. I have done an incredible amount of research about parenthood and its place in our society. I can say I don’t think most people with children did an ounce of the research I did. And I can almost prove it.

Firstly, I can stay that I’m absolutely shocked how many parents let having a child (the most PROFOUND and PERMANENT life choice a person could make) be something that “just happens”……………. Am I missing something? How, in gods name, could creating an entire separate human person who will live, experience, and die in this world, who will be solely dependent on you for YEARS and YEARS be something that could just “happen” ? I have come to the conclusion that of lot of it is just social bs. They get pregnant accidentally, and don’t want the “guilt” of having an abortion. That’s it. There’s no ACTUAL desire and plan for parenthood. It’s just guilt avoidance and the kid is born as a result.

The next thing iv learned is that if the kid(s) is planned, then there a very likely chance that these parents who parenthood as the “next step” and “what you do” which I find pathetic quite frankly. Imagine creating an entirely new person who you will be responsible for….. for no reason at all. imagine changing your entire course of life, and day to day routine for something you don’t even know. I can’t even imagine how passive and passion-less about your life and future would have to be to do something like that.

I recently came across one of the most batshit articles I have ever read in my life. It’s called “honest reasons why we had kids.” On moms.net. Full warning: prepare for your blood to boil after reading that article.

The article was TRASH but I’m almost glad that it was published because it confined many things that I was suspecting after a while. The author basically says the quit part out loud and said (in part) she loves the attention that “only” comes with being pregnant and becoming a mom is a way to become connected to a new social circle - once again, there is NO desire to actually parent, raise up, and protect a growing child- it is all social validation when you peel back some of the layers.

I do believe it is possible to have parents who actually want the day- to day JOB of raising a child into their best selves and expecting nothing in return. But those parents are so few and far in between. Even people who have good relationships with their parents sometimes still experience their parents “subtly” wanting things from them like a certain degree, a certain career path, or grandkids. Because it seems like so many people see their children as means to end. Means to retirement. Means to social validation. Means to leave out your repressed dreams etc. I have never (yet) met someone who said : “I became a parents because I wanted to bring someone here and give them a great life . I also enjoy the task of care taking of children and I enjoy meeting other people’s needs.”

I appreciate that the newer generations are at least trying to do things differently and actually have discussions about not spanking, treating kids with full respect and not forcing them to hug ppl etc etc. we still have a long way to go tho.

If you made it this far, thank you for listening to what I had to say, I appreciate that, have a great day!
_____________________________________________________

And, from the thread that was linked to at the top ("Do you believe people who want kids think about the daily reality of raising them?"):

Hellion_38:
"I think the best way to convince someone of the realities of being a parent is to have them actually live with a baby for a few months. Or even babysit for a few days. Most young people haven't spent much time around actual children and they have a skewed idea about what that entails."


Me (I didn't actually post):
I don't know if it's really "most" young people. But it wouldn't be surprising. Why? Because the ironic effect of small, planned families is...at least half of those kids have never had a younger sibling - and so, as adults, they have kids for the wrong reasons!

[Lenona]

And here's the REAL link to that article mentioned:

https://www.moms.com/15-reasons-why-we-had-children-that-we-may-have-forgotten/#creating-your-own-squad-has-never-been-cuter

[Lenona]

Two recent comments:

Jackthastripper
8 hr. ago
35/m
"I'm no sociologist or expert on anything other than kicking people really fucking hard in the legs, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

"We are genetically programmed to have children. All of us, even you reading this comment as a regular on this sub. It's just that we're like, a standard deviation or two away from the mean 'x', where 'x' is 'the biological desire to have children'.

"Most decisions are made and then post hoc justified. It doesn't feel that way, but free will is basically an illusion. I 'choose' to be a soft determinist, but that's beside the point.

"So with that in mind, the fact that most parents become so for 'social validation' I think is less of a 'Oh how could they be so irresponsible' and more of a 'Their reasons don't matter; they were going to do the thing anyway, and justify it with reasons that are stupid 🤷🏾‍♂️'

"Couple that with a tonne of explicit and implicit social pressure, the LifeScriptTM and people just being more predisposed to having children, and stupid reasons to have children make more sense. Even if I don't condone it."

Explosive_Hemorrhoid
8 hr. ago
"Not even the second sentence in the title is true. Most people don't have children for the sake of wanting them; they just have them as a consequence of sex. Most people are unplanned. I am not an anti-natalist myself but it's one of the most clandestine-but-pervasive issues facing society today. In today's world, esp. in the age of information, there's no justifiable reason to have children without being prepared and knowing how to raise them, yet most people aren't."