Perceptions
MH
annual Relay for Life. Someone I work with asked me if I would come to
walk. The event was set up at an exercise track. There were fundraisers,
foods for sale, and entertainment. I registered at the Survivors' Tent, and
was given a teeshirt to wear. At 7 PM, along with about 100 other
survivors, I walked one lap around the field. Along the sides, throngs of
people were waving, applauding, and waving. They were celebrating life. As
I walked... I couldn't help thinking, "If they only knew." There are days
when I find it difficult to celebrate. I didn't just have the surgery in
November and *recover*. Yes, I'm still struggling with the issue of sexual
dysfunction. I use the pump just for exercise several times a week.... and
I will see the doc in a few weeks to get a script for papaverine injections.
I'm 5 1/2 months post-op, so I understand there is still a lot of time ahead
for erections to return. My doctor was so certain that both nerve bundles
were spared.
Depression got really bad a few months ago. I finally started back on
Prozac, which always helps my depression.... but always caused sexual
dysfunction. I figured the depression was the most important thing to treat
atm. So I've been doing better in that department.... But I've had a very
weekend filled with sadness and loss. I didn't even make the connection to
the walk Friday night until sometime Saturday. Then it began to make sense.
Some days are just tougher than others. My wife had pretty much lost
interest in sex before all this came up, so the last time we made love was
October.
I just needed to vent.... and you folks are handy. I know some of you will
understand. It's like a slow transformation process..... and I hope there
will be an end to it eventually. It's not easy to just *bounce back*...
well, for me, at least. The physical body needs to heal... but there is a
difficult emotional component as well. Perhaps it's easier for some people
than others. I have my next PSA check in a couple of weeks.... joy! Thanks
for reading....
I'm gonna try and do like Scarlett O'Hara..... think about it tumarrah!
MikeH
c palmer
each other. i believe the movie you want is not scarlett o'hara, but in
the movie "network", when he opened the window and said, "i'm mad as
hell ----------" i think that is how some of us can summarize our
feelings after the treatment of choice. the frustration factor - hey, i
think that is what we can call it for this group, it can be our own
phrase.
after all, it is a frustration factor. whether you get up out of a
chair and leak all over yourself, frustration factor of being horny and
nothing to do anything with. frustration factor of having to wait for
the results of the next psa test after treatments to make sure it
worked. frustration factor of having to adjust to your internal
thoughts of how you feel about yourself. frustration factor of not
being able to be like you were before. it applies to the women of the
men as well. the frustration factor of not being able to help as much
as you want to. the frustration factor of watching your loved one
having to go through this. that is just the tip of the frustration
factor.
~ curtis
knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional
Love2camp5
Jim has done terrifically mentally. His total dependence on God and his
optimistic outlook and cheerful personality are blessings right now.
However...
I have always had the more "negative" outlook and have always been a tremendous
worrier and have struggled with anxiety. I was on Paxil for a while, but gave
it up due to the sexual side effects.
So this situation with Jim being diagnosed at 47 has blown me away. And there
is a definite loneliness in this particular diagnosis, as I'm sure you guys
have experienced. The possible repercussions of treatment are not something
you discuss with just anyone. In fact, I'll bet 90% of America has no idea
what is really involved in prostate cancer surgery (or other treatments).
And with Jim so optimistic, I'm not about to drag him down with all my worries.
So I keep most of it inside, share a little bit here, and have found a couple
of new friends who email.
I still say there should be a local support group for the wives - spilling my
guts, having a good cry, and a hug would probably help now.
I'd love to hear some positive comments too - does every man who has surgery
lose his potency? Will life ever be the same (I somehow think not...) Will I
ever feel like I can smile again?
Linda
Pennsylvania
Leonard Evens
>
> I'd love to hear some positive comments too - does every man who has surgery
> lose his potency?
Immediately after surgery, the issue is moot, but there have been rare
examples of men who had erections with the catheter in place. Mostly,
it takes from 3 months to a year for potency to return, and it can take
up to 2 years or more. Longer periods are more common for older men and
younger men for whom only one nerve branch was spared. And of course
potency may never return. Since it is more likely than not that your
husband's potency will return, don't assume it won't at this point.
Also remember potency only refers to achieving an erection unaided.
Everything else, while it may be a bit different, remains basically the
same. I was impotent for something like 18 months, but I was 67 at the
time, and your husband should do a lot better at his age if he has a
doctor experienced in nerve sparing techniques. During the time I was
impotent, we used a pump. While it was not perfect, it sufficed to
maintain an active sex life. My wife usually had multiple orgasms
during a typical session, which had not always been the case before and
is not always the case now that I have more normal erections, usually
with some help from Viagra. Other impotent men have done well with
injections and if all else fails there is always the possibility of an
implant. Men who have had them done seem happy with the result.
You will probably have to make some adjustments. For example, if a man
uses Viagra, there is a relatively small window of opportunity when it
is effective (1-4 hours at best). So spontaneous unplanned sex is
harder. Newer drugs coming out may have longer effective periods. But
most things that happen in a married life require adjustments and these
are no different.
> Will life ever be the same (I somehow think not...) Will I
> ever feel like I can smile again?
My wife smiles now as much as she ever did. In any event, prostate
cancer and its consequences are not what cause her to frown.
>
> Linda
> Pennsylvania
--
Leonard Evens l...@math.northwestern.edu 847-491-5537
Dept. of Mathematics, Northwestern Univ., Evanston, IL 60208
Keith Lundy
all have similar feelings because we are facing a great challenge. This
is a very mysterious disase in that there are no guarantees as to
successful results. Some recover faster than others. What I do know
for sure is that God only guaretees us "TODAY" and if we wake up, then
we are truly blessed. I wish I had a crystalball to be able to peer
into tomorrow or next week but I can't. Living for today one day at a
time is all that I can do and it certainly helps to keep my stress and
and fear level down.
Each day when show up for my proton beam treatments I get a chance to
watch the young children sitting and playing in the waiting room as they
wait to be called for their brain or occular tumor treatments. I hear
several women discussing how many treatments they have left for an
islated brain metastases. I say to myself, "I feel so lucky to not have
what they have," and yet sometimes my self pity is overwhelmng.
I am very proud to be among a group of peope who understand and have
compassion for each other. Thank you MH.
Please visit protonbob.com and in...@proton.llumc.edu
Doug49
having as much trouble as I am adjusting. The Man To Man support
group has a companion group for wives called Sid By Side. You can
check with your local branch of the American Cancer Society to see if
there is one in your area.
Good luck.
love2...@cs.com (Love2camp5) wrote in message news:<20030505083238...@mb-m04.news.cs.com>...
Richard Jordan
Hopefully the venting relieves some of the emotional side you are feeling
but for other readers it must be somewhat comforting to know that they are
not allow with similar thoughts.
Keep on venting, blowing or whatever. You/we have many interested
compassionate and understanding readers/listeners.
Ric
"MH" <lkgmoi...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Kckta.89292$dq3....@fe05.atl2.webusenet.com...
MH
a whiner sometimes. But I figured if you guys don't understand, no one
would.
Like someone said, there is a loneliness that comes with this....
Take care......
MikeH
"Richard Jordan" <que...@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:yXDta.995$J%5.21...@news20.bellglobal.com...
Beverley
this is "Cancer" with a capital "C". Oh, it's just a little cancer not a big
cancer after all it's not a brain tumor or lymphoma. It's just a little
treatable cancer.
It's just a little treatable cancer that strips your dignity away with every
doctor office visit. It's just a little cancer that impairs your manhood.
It's just a little cancer that can kill you if not caught early. So guess
what - it is not a little cancer! IT"S CANCER!!!!! You've faced it! There is
no little cancer. Some cancers might be more publicly dramatic but it is
still cancer. So maybe you don't feel right to have someone cheering for
you. Chances are you've hidden your cancer from friends and co-workers, too.
After all we don't walk around with placecards dangling from us advertising
prostate cancer. But that doesn't make it any less important.
You've just fought a quieter battle, an almost silent one. It's not any
easier or harder to fight it's just a slightly different battle. And it
shakes you to your very core! It makes you realize you are not invincible
and you aren't going to live forever. Guess what? You are not some Greek
god, you're mortal!
But you are a survivor!!! You've treated your cancer. And now you are
picking up the pieces of your life with a whole new perspective. You've
fought your battle but are still licking the wounds from the battle. Yes,
it's tough.
Those crowds of folks don't know how tough and what you've gone through all
they know is that you were there walking. How are they to know you have just
been treated for cancer 6 months ago? They saw a man who was out there
walking, hopefully with a smile on his face. And maybe when you are in the
auto parts store somebody will recognize you and ask why you were walking.
When they do hold your head up real high and tell them your a PC survivor
because there is life after PC.
Go right ahead and think about it tomorrow because you are too busy being
alive today! And BTW, if that equipment isn't ready for a test drive - well
that is still no excuse for not setting aside some time to love your wife.
We all want to be cuddled and hugged, kissed and caressed, and made to feel
like we are important and the only thing that matters. You don't have to
wait for that fuel injected engine before spending some quality time with
your spouse.
Bev
"MH" <lkgmoi...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:Kckta.89292$dq3....@fe05.atl2.webusenet.com...
Love2camp5
>group has a companion group for wives called Sid By Side. You can
>check with your local branch of the American Cancer Society to see if
>there is one in your area.
Thanks, and I will look it up.
Linda
Dale
I know what you mean. It seems that many people do not understand what we
go through, and many just don't want to talk about it. I remember when I
was diagnosed that several people said things like, "well at least it is not
an important organ". Well it may not be needed for survival, but once it
was gone I realized just HOW important it is. Sometimes I feel that us guys
are living this alone and that no one understands (except Beth and Bev!!).
But, chin up and keep fighting that depression!!
Dale P
MH
I'm feeling at times. It's as if people think, "Oh, yeah... you had cancer
and are over it." I'm *not* over it. I don't know that I'll ever be *over*
it, though I'm sure I will have to become accustomed to it. I battled
depression *before* PCa, so this is just a new component. Thanks for the
understanding words!
MikeH :)
"Dale" <Da...@anywhere.com> wrote in message
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