Just be yourself
Zed
autism/PDDNOS.
When I'm myself people take great offence to it. I am hated and
loathed. Shunned. Criticized to no end. Belittled to no end. One of
the most common criticisms is being defensive after being subjected to
a torrent of derogatory critiquing. Always doled out with so much
smugness. Oh I say, you are so very immature.
It took me a long time to get a handle on what the NT’s were so
bothered by. And who to emulate to fit in better. 9 out or 10 times
I’m socially engaged ( which should be as seldom as possible) 90% of
what’s be projected is someone else’s behavioral traits. I’ve gotten
pretty damn good at it too. But man oh man is it tiring. Probably the
sort of thing that could lead to insanity. A least then maybe I’d get
a break. “aw leave him along, he’s clinically insane”. I remember
being awestruck when I watched Alone In The Wilderness
http://www.dickproenneke.com/DickProenneke.html I mean damn, that man
had it made. I think what’s stopping me? I remember watching Cast
Away. I’d be in seventh heaven for the first four years of being
stranded myself. And I certainly wouldn’t need a volley ball to keep
me company. God, I just want to escape this world so badly sometimes.
Baba Yaga
Zed <z...@cbgb.net> wrote, in alt.support.autism:
>Usually supposed to be good advice, unless you're someone like me with
>autism/PDDNOS.
>When I'm myself people take great offence to it. I am hated and
>loathed. Shunned. Criticized to no end. Belittled to no end. One of
>the most common criticisms is being defensive after being subjected to
>a torrent of derogatory critiquing. Always doled out with so much
>smugness. Oh I say, you are so very immature.
All that's familiar. & yes, it hurts terribly. As if 'growing up'
were something one can will. (It becomes partly so, once
circumstances are conducive.)
Learning to be one's *better self helps.
If I had more words or more time, I might unpack that so it was
useful. Sorry about lack.
>It took me a long time to get a handle on what the NT?s were so
>bothered by. And who to emulate to fit in better. 9 out or 10 times
>I?m socially engaged ( which should be as seldom as possible) 90% of
>what?s be projected is someone else?s behavioral traits. I?ve gotten
>pretty damn good at it too. But man oh man is it tiring. Probably the
Oh yes, it's tiring. Even when it's *good (somewhen, it happened that
sometimes it could be), it's tiring.
>sort of thing that could lead to insanity. A least then maybe I?d get
>a break. ?aw leave him along, he?s clinically insane?. I remember
>being awestruck when I watched Alone In The Wilderness
>http://www.dickproenneke.com/DickProenneke.html I mean damn, that man
>had it made. I think what?s stopping me? I remember watching Cast
>Away. I?d be in seventh heaven for the first four years of being
>stranded myself. And I certainly wouldn?t need a volley ball to keep
>me company. God, I just want to escape this world so badly sometimes.
Regrets.
Baba Yaga
--
External things are no more like the perceptions they give rise to,
than wine is similar to intoxication, or opium to the delirium which
it produces.
- John Playfair
Dolphinius
> Usually supposed to be good advice, unless you're someone like me with
> autism/PDDNOS.
> When I'm myself people take great offence to it. I am hated and
> loathed. Shunned. Criticized to no end. Belittled to no end. One of
> the most common criticisms is being defensive after being subjected to
> a torrent of derogatory critiquing. Always doled out with so much
> smugness. Oh I say, you are so very immature.
> It took me a long time to get a handle on what the NT’s were so
> bothered by. And who to emulate to fit in better. 9 out or 10 times
> I’m socially engaged ( which should be as seldom as possible) 90% of
> what’s be projected is someone else’s behavioral traits. I’ve gotten
> pretty damn good at it too. But man oh man is it tiring. Probably the
> sort of thing that could lead to insanity. A least then maybe I’d get
> a break. “aw leave him along, he’s clinically insane”. I remember
> had it made. I think what’s stopping me? I remember watching Cast
> Away. I’d be in seventh heaven for the first four years of being
> stranded myself. And I certainly wouldn’t need a volley ball to keep
> me company. God, I just want to escape this world so badly sometimes.
I think you are partly right.
I think the best way to live is a compromise between conforming and
being yourself. So, for example, I try to suppress bad habits, odd
behaviours and views that most people would consider really strange,
but I do allow myself to ignore peer pressure (even if it means I lose
respect) and freely behave in a way that people would consider to be
harmless and eccentric.
Like you, I also try to control the amount I socialise. I have reached
quite a comfortable state where nobody ever invites me to parties or
dinner and I get all the socialising I need through meeting up with
people occasionally to do constructive things (e.g. voluntary work).
It took quite a while to get there (years of making excuses, dropping
out of things at the last moment, pretending to be out, shedding some
"friends" who liked me more than I liked them).
Dolphinius
(Male, mid-thirties, UK, self-diagnosed AS)
buzzard
> (snip)
> When I'm myself people take great offence to it. I am hated and
> loathed. Shunned. Criticized to no end. Belittled to no end. One of
> the most common criticisms is being defensive after being subjected to
> a torrent of derogatory critiquing. Always doled out with so much
> smugness. Oh I say, you are so very immature.
That sounds SO much like my school years (and somewhat like employment).
> It took me a long time to get a handle on what the NT�s were so
> bothered by. And who to emulate to fit in better. 9 out or 10 times
Somehow, emulating is something I find just plain demeaning.
Its like "Oh, you're shit, you should be someone ELSE instead."
> (snip) being awestruck when I watched Alone In The Wilderness
Solitude? No. Well, perhaps if I had the option of going to
see friends at will, then coming back to solitude when I felt like
it. (as if I had friends, outside of family)
Why is it, that whether by my own experience, or on TV, or in
some story that someone is repeating, or overhearing a conversation
I'm not even a part of, that when I see someone vulnerable being
subjected to the utmost social torture by people who ought to know
better, I see an innocent soul being used for a plaything by sadists,
while others see (what the hell DO they see? a good laugh at some
schmuck's expense? is that what passes for "good fun")?
What I'd like to see is a segment of the population that recognizes,
and respects, the fundamental difference between friendly jokes
and social/psychological cruelty.
Wilderness, for me at least, would be a bit TOO isolated.
There has to be some sort of middle ground.
*SOMEWHERE* !!!
--
the Vulture of the Damned
astri
> Usually supposed to be good advice, unless you're someone like me
> with autism/PDDNOS.
yes
or any different, really.
> When I'm myself people take great offence to it. I am hated and
> loathed. Shunned. Criticized to no end. Belittled to no end. One of
> the most common criticisms is being defensive after being subjected
> to a torrent of derogatory critiquing. Always doled out with so much
> smugness. Oh I say, you are so very immature.
it seems impossible to defend against all those words. if you disagree,
you're defensive. if you defend yourself, you're just not seeing the
truth, and there is another point against you to be used in the attack.
i learned long ago to go out in disguise. takes a lot of energy, but
it's safer.
or i blend into the walls and don't get noticed at all, which is
usually much better except when i *need* to get noticed.
> It took me a long time to get a handle on what the NTs were so
> bothered by. And who to emulate to fit in better. 9 out or 10 times
> Im socially engaged ( which should be as seldom as possible) 90% of
> what's be projected is someone else's behavioral traits. I've gotten
> pretty damn good at it too. But man oh man is it tiring.
yes
> Probably the sort of thing that could lead to insanity. A least then
> maybe I'd get a break. "aw leave him along, he's clinically insane".
> I remember being awestruck when I watched Alone In The Wilderness
> http://www.dickproenneke.com/DickProenneke.html I mean damn, that man
> had it made. I think what's stopping me? I remember watching Cast
> Away. I'd be in seventh heaven for the first four years of being
> stranded myself. And I certainly wouldn't need a volley ball to keep
> me company. God, I just want to escape this world so badly sometimes.
have you been able to create any places of comfort for yourself?
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
Arak
> Usually supposed to be good advice, unless you're someone like me with
> autism/PDDNOS.
> When I'm myself people take great offence to it. I am hated and
> loathed. Shunned. Criticized to no end. Belittled to no end. One of
> the most common criticisms is being defensive after being subjected to
> a torrent of derogatory critiquing. Always doled out with so much
> smugness. Oh I say, you are so very immature.
I'm ok if someone gives me constructive criticism... that's how I
learn after all. It's the insulting or derogatory stuff that bothers
me. Worse yet are those people who write me off when they find out
about my diagnosis. I'm so smart until they find out... then I'm Rain
Man or something. Drives me nuts.
Growing up, it was much harder for me and I remember being bullied
incessantly for the first 10 years of schooling. Once the other kids
"mark" you as being different, they don't stop.... ever. It goes on
for years! Kids don;t forget, nor will they let anyone else even if
you are doing well! I recall being held down and spit on, beaten over
the head, constantly ridiculed and shunned. Apparently, the public
school system is the way to go for teaching social skills! (I am being
sarcastic...) How does someone learn "appropriate social behaviour" in
that kind of setting?
> It took me a long time to get a handle on what the NT’s were so
> bothered by. And who to emulate to fit in better. 9 out or 10 times
> I’m socially engaged ( which should be as seldom as possible) 90% of
> what’s be projected is someone else’s behavioral traits. I’ve gotten
> pretty damn good at it too. But man oh man is it tiring. Probably the
> sort of thing that could lead to insanity.
I know what you mean there. It took me many years, but I've learned to
put on a very elaborate act of "normal" which drains a lot of energy
from me and leaves me literally unable to speak or do much more than
sit and stare straight ahead for a few hours afterwards. I actually
have to tell myself in my mind to smile when I laugh, smile when I say
hello and ask how the other person is doing before launching into the
reason for a conversation.
On Wednesday, I did a presentation for a group of therapists and was
totally putting on the "I am normal and approachable" facade. The
presentation went very well and they were all receptive to what I had
to say. One even said "You have excellent interpersonal and
communication skills!" (Coming from a speech language pathologist,
that's a big compliment) So, I know my act works really well!
Afterwards, I had a hard time finding my way home because my sense of
direction goes out the window when I'm exhausted. I can drive very
well, I just tend to get lost. :^(
When I finally did figure out how to get home, I sat in my home office
and just stared at the wall for a few hours. I've established my car,
house and my home office as a "safe zone", so I know that I have
places where I can relax, be myself and not have to "engage" with the
social niceties and facial expressions. I can turn on my music and
sing while I drive or just drive and say nothing. I can't usually talk
after a large social encounter, so anyone in the car with me knows not
to try conversing because they'll get the one word answers and then
"I'm not in the mood to talk right now..."
(Does anyone else find it hard to do facial expressions like smiling
and such? It almost hurts for me... my face much prefers a "neutral"
setting!)
It's now Sunday and I am *still* wiped out! All I want to do is sleep
for about 18 hours. Mind you, I've also had a few social encounters
since then.
> God, I just want to escape this world so badly sometimes.
Me too.
Arak /|\