Do I have Asperger's Syndrome?
Sephiroth
"symptoms." I'll restate here a summary of what I posted there.
I am 16 years old. Most of my life I have been introverted. In pre-school I
didn't make an attempt to play with the other kids. This was to the point where
they thought I was mentally retarded and gave me an IQ test, showing that it
was 87. (That contradicts that I'm in the gifted program now. My mom said I
hated the tester back then.) This is common to introverts, but even so, I feel
a lot different. Most people I know fall into two categories: 1) they are very
sociable and have friends, and 2) they have trouble making friends but they
still want friends. I never fell into either category. I feel as though I don't
need friends at all. That disturbed a lot of my teachers. My 7th grade science
teacher was forcing me to make friends against my will. (Of course, I never
complied.) My English teacher calls me a misanthrope for my lack of appropriate
body language and facial expressions. I have been learning to socialize and now
I can do so relatively easily compared to the way things used to have been. (I
don't think I have any severe problem with facial expressions or body language.
I just don't like my English teacher.) I'll get back to the part about having
friends later, after I describe other "symptoms."
In addition to this uncommon introversion, I feel, and have almost always
felt, that I was "different" from other kids in some fundamental way. I feel as
though I think in a totally different way. I have already considered the
possibility that there are a lot of people like this, except I can't read their
minds so I think they are "normal." The trouble is, I am in no way normal as
seen from the outside too. From 8th grade to 10th grade, I dressed differently,
in my own style independent of the trends, simply because I felt like it. I
never, ever saw this behavior in anyone else, except when they were members of
some ridiculous clique or when they were trying to make a stupid fashion
statement. (I always found that annoying.) There must have been something to
cause this uncommon behavior, regardless of the fact that I understood why I
did it. In addition to this "overly independent" style of behavior, I have
other differences in thought. I am good at exclusively what I am interested in.
I mentioned in alt.support.social-phobia of an example of this "talent": I
hated math in 7th grade and I flunked algebra. Then I started liking math (my
subject of interest to this date) in 8th grade, and I was studying
multivariable calc a year later. I had everyone surprised. To be interested in
something and be good at it like that is common in AS.
I satisfied all the criteria for AS except for the "autistic" symptoms
concerning "autistic rituals" and repetitive, stereotyped behavior. If you saw
me on the outside, on the other hand, you would readily confirm that I was
autistic. I paced a lot, especially in 9th and 10th grade. I couldn't stand to
stand in the same place. I would make frequent and repetitive trips to the
mailbox, several times an evening. I don't think this counts, and here is my
explanation: I love music. When I'm not around a CD player or my mp3s, I "play"
the music in my head and the feeling is intensified when I'm walking, to place
the music in rhythm with my footsteps. Going to the mailbox was an excuse to
walk around and "listen to music." Same thing applies to my habitual
finger-tapping; that's not an autistic ritual but only when I'm thinking about
music. The most "repetitive, stereotyped" behavior I have observed in myself,
though, has to do with music again: there is a piece of music I first heard on
a videogame (it's called "one-winged angel") and I absolutely fell in love with
it, and I've thought about it almost every day for a year, even after it lost
most of its feeling. I can say in conclusion that I have a lot of "mannerisms,"
with an excuse for each one, which may disqualify them from representing AS.
When I was 3 or 4, I absolutely loved to spin things. Mostly toys I had,
instead of putting them in my mouth I would place them on the ground and spin
them. This is what made my dad think I had AS. I thought this was an example of
the "autistic ritual" I didn't have.
I recently met someone with AS who could relate to some of my experiences. He
said that spinning things is indeed a hallmark of autism and AS. To get back to
having friends, there ARE some friends I enjoy having, mostly online who share
the same obscure interests I do. The person I met compared Asperger's to
socialization in the same way dyslexia applies to reading: AS only makes it
more difficult to socialize. People with AS can still enjoy having some
friends. He also said that the term "autistic ritual" is a bit strong a term: a
"special interest" is more accurate. In this case, math, or nowadays that piece
of music is a "special interest" on which I concentrate greatly. Given that the
"autistic ritual" is the only thing I didn't think I had in trying to figure
out whether I had AS, this has given me second thoughts on the subject. That
people thought Einstein might have been autistic has also given me second
thoughts. Childhood Einstein and I have a lot in common as far as thinking
goes.
Most people (including my mom) say these experiences aren't a symptom of
autism but just of above-average intelligence, but I disagree. I would have to
be a supergenius, and I have seen lots of people already who think better than
I do. Anyways, I appreciate any info or similar experiences of others who have
AS, as to whether I have AS or not. I hope you can sort through this mess,
right now I'm under the weather and having trouble writing. Thanks for your
help.
Sephiroth
mom2u42
Sephiroth <sephi...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991104203049...@ng-fs1.aol.com...
some things that you stated that sounds like OCD. My son wants to make
friends and tries but I have heard others say that they don't care one way
or another. On the obsessing on a video game my son gets tired of them
pretty quick that is why we rent a lot. The math thing my son had that from
the beginning he could count to a hundred when most kids were just starting
to notice they had toes. Are you sensitive to lights or certain sounds? Do
you have a high pain tolerance? Do you have any risk of danger? These are
just a few there are so many and everyone is different. I would look into
it. You live close to a mental health center you can start there. I do think
that it is great that your mom is there for you. Good luck to finding your
answer.
--
Amylee, mom to Paul (a sweet kid) and Shaker (who has gotten really big and
is getting mean)
www.homestead.com/paulandshaker/page1.html
Sephiroth
>some things that you stated that sounds like OCD. My son wants to make
>friends and tries but I have heard others say that they don't care one way
>or another. On the obsessing on a video game my son gets tired of them
>pretty quick that is why we rent a lot. The math thing my son had that from
>the beginning he could count to a hundred when most kids were just starting
>to notice they had toes. Are you sensitive to lights or certain sounds? Do
>you have a high pain tolerance? Do you have any risk of danger? These are
>just a few there are so many and everyone is different. I would look into
>it. You live close to a mental health center you can start there. I do think
>that it is great that your mom is there for you. Good luck to finding your
>answer.
I have trouble making eye contact with people, but I always thought it was
because I was always taught it was "not polite to stare." (I found reassurance
from a psychology book that said a possible reason people didn't make eye
contact is was it was "not polite to stare" in our society.) I don't like it
when other people touch me, but this only applies to my teachers, my
grandparents, etc. which is probably a normal feeling, especially at my age. I
have sensitivity to sound, especially multiple people speaking in an otherwise
quiet environment. I don't think I have any pain tolerance.
Thanks for responding,
Sephiroth
M. Meyerding
> I asked at alt.support.social-phobia if I had a disorder, based on some
> "symptoms." I'll restate here a summary of what I posted there.
Maybe you (and your parents?) would like to read "The Asperger Chronicals"
by Jim Devine. It's on the OASIS web site
(http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger) in the "Family Matters" section. One
thing he says, writing about his son: "He doesn't fit all of the criteria
for this syndrome, but neither do the vast majority of those seen as
fitting in the category. People are too complicated for academic boxes: it
is my understanding that almost no-one fits all of the criteria of any
psychological category. Such categories should be used to help us
understand what's going on (or to get support from insurers, etc.) rather
than to create stereotypes that limit thought."
Except that I consider AS a neurological category rather than a
psychological category, I agree with him and like the way he stated it.
Jane (AS)
Martijn Dekker
sephi...@aol.com (Sephiroth) wrote:
> I asked at alt.support.social-phobia if I had a disorder, based on some
>"symptoms."
Did you also post at alt.support.disorders.neurological on Oct. 27 under a
slightly different nickname, subject "Is this a disorder"? If so, I posted
a response to you there yesterday (it took me until then to find your
post).
If you don't find it, let me know and I'll post it here.
- Martijn (HFA/AS)
--
Martijn Dekker http://www.inlv.demon.nl/martijn/
mar...@inlv.demon.nl martijn...@spidernet.nl
ICQ#13344793 AIM: McDutchie PGP key-ID: DBF26675
Larry Arnold
questions that you do.
It turns out that I do indeed have AS
I would advise you to read up as much as you can, look at the various
websites and arm yourself with as much detail as possible for the time when
you feel confident enough to seek an oficial dx
I personally found that writing out my autobiography was helpful in examing
the issues you can find my web site at http://www.larry-arnold.com
Sephiroth <sephi...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991104203049...@ng-fs1.aol.com...
>snip
Sephiroth
>Did you also post at alt.support.disorders.neurological on Oct. 27 under a
>slightly different nickname, subject "Is this a disorder"? If so, I posted
>a response to you there yesterday (it took me until then to find your
>post).
>
>If you don't find it, let me know and I'll post it here.
>
>- Martijn (HFA/AS)
Yeah, I found that post. Actually, that was the reason I was posting here:
before I would ask my parents for a diagnosis I thought it might be helpful to
ask other people with AS if they could relate or if I might have it.
mom2u42
> I have trouble making eye contact with people, but I always thought it was
> because I was always taught it was "not polite to stare." (I found
reassurance
> from a psychology book that said a possible reason people didn't make eye
> contact is was it was "not polite to stare" in our society.) I don't like
it
> when other people touch me, but this only applies to my teachers, my
> grandparents, etc. which is probably a normal feeling, especially at my
age. I
> have sensitivity to sound, especially multiple people speaking in an
otherwise
> quiet environment. I don't think I have any pain tolerance.
>
> Thanks for responding,
> Sephiroth
Sephiroth
>No problem. Have you talked to your parents about this?
Yes, I've talked to both my mom and my dad. My dad was the one to introduce me
to AS. My mom is confident that I don't have autism or AS, adding "If you were
autistic, you wouldn't really care." She added that autistic people are people
who can't comprehend that there are other conscious beings other than
themselves. (I didn't believe that.) If mom's knowledge of autism is
fallacious, there is a chance I might have AS. I might ask for a diagnosis
sometime.
Sephiroth
Alwyn
> Most people (including my mom) say these experiences aren't a symptom of
> autism but just of above-average intelligence, but I disagree. I would have to
> be a supergenius, and I have seen lots of people already who think better than
> I do. Anyways, I appreciate any info or similar experiences of others who have
> AS, as to whether I have AS or not. I hope you can sort through this mess,
> right now I'm under the weather and having trouble writing. Thanks for your
> help.
My dear seraphic friend,
I've been reading your posts in other fora, and I have to argee with
your mother that you have high intelligence and a remarkable capacity
for logical reasoning. Anyone like you is bound to feel an outsider in
any average American high school.
I can't pronounce on whether you have Asperger's Syndrome or not. What I
suggest you do is get hold of Tony Attwood's "Asperger's Syndrome, a
guide for parents and professionals", Jessica Kingsley, London, 1998.
There is a checklist there for spotting a child who might have
Asperger's Syndrome. Get your parents' help to fill it in. If you get a
rating or two or more on most of the entries, it is definitely worth
proceeding to a formal assessment by someone trained in diagnosing this
condition. While you're at it, you might as well read the rest of the
book, which gives as good a picture of what it's like to live with
Asperger's Syndrome as anything else you're likely to find.
I wish you the best of luck.
Alwyn
Dave Spicer
>My mom is confident that I don't have autism or AS, adding "If you were
>autistic, you wouldn't really care." She added that autistic people are people
>who can't comprehend that there are other conscious beings other than
>themselves.
While this may be true for some on the autistic spectrum, it certainly doesn't
describe all of us...
Fargo
Fargo
Sephiroth <sephi...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:19991107103941...@ng-cq1.aol.com...
> mom2u42 wrote:
> >No problem. Have you talked to your parents about this?
>
> Yes, I've talked to both my mom and my dad. My dad was the one to
introduce me
> to AS. My mom is confident that I don't have autism or AS, adding "If you
were
> autistic, you wouldn't really care." She added that autistic people are
people
> who can't comprehend that there are other conscious beings other than
Ayelet
I have mild AS, and when I was a child I acted like I'm the single person in
the world in some aspects. I can't explain that well. and I don't remember
It well. after It, when I realized some things, (It was aftr age 12 - 12 1/2
years old, now I'm sure.) I became just self centered instead of It, at a
certain stage (between the two stages?) I behaved ALL THE TIME like all of
the people think and act like me (maybe to make It easier, after I realize
who I am?) OR that there are no people other than me. OR that they have no
feeling. (Off course at that stage I knew, but this was my mentality maybe
because I couldn't understand them and see their feeling, what their
thinking and why they acting so unexpectedly. I couldn't see a logical
patern in other's behavior. I don't know.)
What's bother me is that I remember from ages 12, 14, 16 years old about the
same as I remember from age 5, 3 and maybe even 1 years, and It's really not
much. and there was a proof that I can be confused in years! so I rarely can
say WHEN things happened. and sometimes I can't say WHY things happened.
because I don't remember well. I don't know why I don't remember.
I don't know for sure the reason for this behavior. I just know that in age
12 - 12 1/2 years old, (I calculated It according to my brother's age at
that time.) I remember situations that I related to my brother as a toy. I
REALLY regret on that. I made him pain because I wanted to hear his
repeating weird acting. (he couldn't talk well at that age. and I think that
I didn't even realized that this were words. (don't hit me... :( in a bad
articulated Hebrew) althought I could understand the spoken language when I
expected and listen to It.) I think I still didn't realize at that age that
he's a person, a human being, has emtional and physical feelings and has
thinking as well. at the meanwhile stage something that I see as weird
happened, althought It happens in some small amounts even todays: I realized
that the people are somewhat alike me, have feeling and thinking (but I
couldn't "read" / understand them well) but sometimes I acted like all the
people are alike me. maybe It was because I couldn't expect what their
behavior will be, and I didn't (and don't) like surprises. OR I went back to
behave like I'm the single person in the world, althought at that stage I
already understood I'm not. now I behave basicaly in a good way, I really
try to behave in a good way, but sometimes (I hope rarely) I behave in one
of the two different kind of behvior. I'm still selfcentered buit not
basically egoistic anymore.
Now my boyfriend says to me that I still thinking mainly on myself (I know
I'm self centered but 'm not egoistic,) and SOMETIMES (rarey, I hope I can
say,) I still act like there are no people other than me or that, in planing
things, that people are all alike me, but I'm not doing It most of the time,
I think, althought, as I already understood, theye are times that I don't
know that I acting like that. ()If my boyfriend see such behavior, he tells
me.) we both call It the "food syndrome" from some weird reasons.
But I think that MOST OF THE TIMES in this days I can have sympathy to
others. and I know I can be care. actually, I know I'm generaly a good
person and I try to keep in my good behavior, althought sometimes It's hard
and maybe sometimes It's not possible.
When I aware to this I try to prove It, because I'm not really basicaly
egoistic, I'm care and I see myself now as a good person. awareness helps me
in improving It.
So Autistics and generally ASD persons can be so, (I don't need If It's so
in all / most of the ASD persons,) but their state can be dynamic. It depend
also on their wanting, and just If they want, the surroundidng people can
truely help them.
Anyway, I think It's NOT a criterion (or at least It's not a necessarily
criterion) for diagnosing in one of the ASD generaly or in AS particularily.
I'm sorry for repeating on some ideas.
--
Ayelet.
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