SUPPORT
Sandra Pooler
i have read the remarks. i just have to comment.
this is after all a CAREGIVERS SUPPORT GROUP.
and what we as caregivers come here for is comfort and support. we can
learn so much from each other.
each one of us handles our problems differently and we all have that
right.
we can not and should not judge another person. we can however offer
suggestions and support.
i belong to 3 other alzheimers support groups. there are differences
of opinions but we respect each other, and know by now each individual
may handle things different from the rest. they still get support and
there are no harsh words or judgements. we are in all respect a family,
many times much more supportive and understanding then our real familys.
as no one but another caregiver truly knows what we endure on a daily
basis.
there are lurkers here i have been privately e mailed to support that
fact. how sad they are afraid to come in. they need help with there lo
to.
in my opinion only people that have been or are a caregiver should be
here.
i know of at least 5 people that don't post here because of hostility
towards them. how do the people at this site feel about that?
one of the past posters is a nurse with a mom in a nursing home and she
is a nurse in an ad care facility so much to give here and was harassed.
this is only one of the many that have been sent away.
in my own case 13 yrs dealing with a violent ad person i learned many
many things and feel i could contribute. to help other care givers.
the problem being one is not free to be honest here and to express them
selves with out the threat of being attacked.
we should all be able to vent.
the life of a caregiver is the hardest thing you will ever deal with we
should stick together. life is to short and to hard. its much easier to
be nice then to hold anger.and healthier to.
if you have to be superior and control the group maybe you should start
your own group and be able to run it as you see fit. this is not
intended for any caregiver here.
sandra
DuP...@webtv.net
There should not be an "requirement" that you be a caregiver now or have
been one in the past. That requirement excludes people who have reason
to believe someone (husband, wife, father-in-law, mother, etc.) has AD,
and come here for advice on what to do and/or what to expect.
I would much rather post here than have to apply to someone to post on
their Alzheimer's group.
Suffolk
"Sandra Pooler" <Sand...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:23132-3B...@storefull-291.iap.bryant.webtv.net...
This is my first posting to this group although I have often looked in and
read the posts. I work in a care home for those with AD and dementia and
love my work. I agree wholeheartedly with Sandra. There have been
occasions when I have wanted to strangle some posters, but wait, they are in
their situation, not me. I don't know what strain they are under, or their
capacity to handle that stress. I cannot sufficiently express my admiration
for those who give up a large portion of their own lives to care for a
relative with AD or dementia, and occasionally they need a sounding board to
let off steam.
I am not only professionally involved. Both my mother and mother in law
died after years of dementia, so I do have an understanding of what it can
do to a family.
Best wishes all
Bill
Evelyn Ruut
"Sandra Pooler" <Sand...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:23132-3B...@storefull-291.iap.bryant.webtv.net...
Dear Sandra,
Nice to see you posting again. I don't think that it would be practical to
limit the group only to caregivers or former caregivers, because this is
usenet, and it is free and open to all.
As for the 5 people, you ought to write them and tell them not to be
dismayed. When you come to a newsgroup there are all kinds. I have had
some very good experiences here, and some incredibly kind people have
answered my questions and set my fears and doubts to rest on many issues.
Yeah there are some duds, but that is the nature of the public newsgroups
since they are not moderated. One can either ignore them or tell them off.
Telling them off is not always necessary but then again sometimes it
is......meaning the times when ignoring the nasty comments don't work.
You have to keep your focus on the good ones, the kind and helpful ones who
have gone out of their way to address the things you have brought up. I am
happy to say that there have been quite a few of them, far more than the
problem people.
Another thing to remember is that being a caregiver is a stressful
situation. It is the kind of thing that sometimes leaves us with a "short
fuse" because we have already had our patience tried to the very limit on
the home front, then when we come to the newsgroup and somebody starts up,
WHAM they become the lightning rod for that negative energy.
I try to take the view that I try to forgive others and forgive myself
too.... nobody knows what another persons suffering can be and how stressed
they can be in their own lives. This disease can drive you batty.
Anyway, I am glad to see you posting again, and also glad that your Rob's
past days of suffering have come to a close. It is nice to hear from you
again.
Regards,
Evelyn
Mary Gordon
that I would consider a personal attack on anyone, other than
annoyance aimed at trolls and nasty cross posters (like the guy with
the CJE axe to grind who was being such a pest).
I mean, not everyone is going to agree with anyone, but that is part
of a healthy discussion. People just don't come to a newsgroup solely
for support - they come for feedback, for ideas, for information.
When I have a problem, and I'm trying to figure out what the right
thing to do is, or I'm wondering if I'm completely off the wall about
what I'm thinking, I don't just want everyone to agree with me just
for the sake of making me feel good - I want other viewpoints shared
so I can learn from them, whether I feel the ideas are right for me or
not.
Personally, I think that that is the real value of forums like
newsgroups. If I kvetch to my friends, they are likely to sympathise,
and since they are friends, they are likely to be people with similar
backgrounds to my own whose brains work the same way mine does.
However, that may not be as helpful as a totally fresh viewpoint to
the issue at hand, or being told point blank that I'm too close to the
problem, and if I was thinking straight or being really honest with
myself, I'd know that I do have viable options and things aren't
totally beyond repair.
In general, this is a much more polite group that most I participate
in (I'm in a few parenting newsgroups and lists where the flame wars
would toast your eyebrows when the topics touch on anything people are
passionate about). Maybe I just have a thick skin from years of
newsgroup use, but hey, it is a forum where all kinds of people come,
and its not like you have to take the anonymous kooks or the angries
too seriously (they don't live next door to me or hang out in my
office). They bug you, you ignore them, they try to insult you, you
don't rise to the bait, since hey, you have as much right to express
an opinion as they do. Also, there are a few people in every newsgroup
I just never respond to because I know they are overly volatile, or
pointing out the obvious will set them off on a rant.
I personally think it takes a while for many people to learn to let
the reality of newsgroups roll off their backs. Because it is a very
immediate medium, it is also very easy to misinterpret postings -
sometimes the way people phrase things when they are pounding out a
quick response can give offense where NONE was intended - when you are
missing the posters vocal inflection and facial expressions/body
language, and all you are getting is the words, the conversation can
be taken in unintended ways. So, sometimes people are going to think
you are insulting them when you don't mean it that way, and sometimes,
you are going to get YOUR back up when nothing personal was intended.
So don't give up. I guess I don't recall you being abused in any way,
but clearly you felt you were, but don't let that stop you from
participating when you feel you have something to contribute.
Mary G.
Frederick
I think the key is whether the poster is posting to the topic or at
the person. There is nothing wrong with telling a person they are on
the wrong track and then explaining why. The problems arise when the
respondent is more concerned with the personal character of the
individual than their error. The attitude that if a person does
something that you don't agree with then they must be stupid is a
complete misconception., and it is no permit to tell them so. Even a
fool is entitled to personal dignity and to attack their personal
dignity is to light a blaze. Mild criticism has never hurt anybody.
This is not a mutual admiration society and some differences of
opinion are to be expected. But even handling differences requires the
use of mutual respect. This whole newsgroup is I believe for the
exchange of ideas and feelings that arise from being a caregiver.
Stifle those ideas and feelings and we might just as well all go some
other place. When I encounter people who are not amenable to reason,
and have rigidly fixed ideas, I usually end up placing them in my
block sender list and from then on to me they are no longer part of
the discourse.
Frederick
"Mary Gordon" <Mary_...@tvo.org> wrote in message
news:40b9e4c0.01101...@posting.google.com...
Sandra Pooler
i thing i must not have expressed my self correctly. i do post here and
on the whole find people to be informed and supportive[not just saying
what one wants to hear.]
what i feel bad about is the lurkers that are out there and have seen
numerous newbies questioned as to the fact if they were in the position
they were in, question ones competency and also asked should they be on
this site. of course they should be, they were dealing with alzheimers
and.still are.
possible you did not see those post.
this is not about me, but about the people that would like to be
here.god knows these groups can be so benificial to a caregiver
sandra
Gwen H.Love
to read them. If there are particular ones that are irritating, don't read
them.
Gwen
Sandra Pooler
to tell it like it is.
always liked your vents, they let steam out and help others in the
process,
sandra
Evelyn Ruut
"Gwen H.Love" <cgl...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20011015173829...@mb-cg.aol.com...
That is true. I haven't had to killfile anyone here yet... Most of us on
this group seem to be the kind that can work with things, not to go
ballistic.
What makes me sad, and sometimes even mad, is when two people I like, go at
one another, but that cannot be helped, apparently.
Best Regards,
Evelyn
pianoguy
> What makes me sad, and sometimes even mad, is when
> two people I like, go at one another, but that cannot be
> helped, apparently.
You rang?
--
pianoguy
return email disabled
Evelyn Ruut
"pianoguy" <oo...@doobie.xyz> wrote in message
news:qFPy7.1735$OB1....@eagle.america.net...
Evelyn wrote:
> What makes me sad, and sometimes even mad, is when
> two people I like, go at one another, but that cannot be
> helped, apparently.
===========================================
You rang?
Gotcha you little devil! :-)
Ev.
one focused fan
have to read them. If there are particular ones that are irritating, don't
read them. <<
But how am I gonna know if it's irritating or not unless I read it? hehe
(like the songs)
Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends?
'All I am saying, is give peace a chance so we can 'come together right now
for a cyberhug.'
Mo
EMT-1A School Grad 5-7-01
No matter the problem, a cup of coffee always makes it better. Roy DeSoto